winter is coming again i can feel it

Make the First Swing Count

Joy hefted her father’s axe, swung it in a wide arc over her shoulder and buried it in the maple log. The papery fibers creaked and took the axe in almost completely. She tapped the head with a ball peen hammer, and the log fell apart.

“C’mon now,” her father said. “You shouldn’t need a crutch. Make the first swing count.”

Joy bent to pick up another log and her father cuffed her on the back of the head. She bit her lower lip, eyes watering, and put the log on the stump. Her fingers were numb from the cold.

“Make the first swing count, dammit,” he said. “Unless you want to freeze to death this winter.”

Joy wrapped her numb fingers around the axe handle, pulled it behind her shoulder and struck.

Her father yelped, and the log fell apart.

“There we go!” he said. “One fell swoop. Keep her shoulders firm but your arms loose. That’s my girl.”

Her father took a rag out of his pocket and put it to his face. The stink of starter fluid made Joy’s nose tingle. Her father took two deep breaths and put the rag away.

“All right,” he said. “Couple hundred more swings like that and you can call it a day. Want a puff off the rag?”

Joy shook her head.

“You’ll be fine out here,” said her father. “You’re too far north for them to bother you. And if any of them do make it this far up, you have the Mossberg. Use the MREs to get through the winter, and then put in a garden in the spring. The lake’s only a few hundred yards away, so water will never be an issue. You can fish, and I left you my traps.”

Joy’s knew there were tears running down her face, but she couldn’t feel them on her numb cheeks.

“Hey now – this has to be done. I got tagged when we went through Chicago. I can already feel the change coming. Let’s get this done before you get too tired. You still have a lot of chopping to do.”

Joy’s father again produced the rag. He took four or five ragged breaths, knelt in the mud, and laid his head on the stump.

“I love you,” he said. “Please. Make the first swing count.”

Joy picked up the axe and swallowed the hard ball of snot building in her throat. She pulled the axe to her shoulder.

“That’s my girl,” her father said.

Bts Reaction to Their S/o Having Bad Anxiety!

Mummy Seokjin would strike again with his protective caring nature, making sure to be prepared to help you if you ever started to feel anxious. He would be the type to help you breath by counting with you.

“It is going to be fine y/n. Just breathe with me okay? I promise you will start to feel better soon if you just breathe”

“In 1,2,3…

Originally posted by yoongichii


Yoongi would be surprisingly calm while comforting you; he would hold you close, stroking your arm in a rhythm so you can try and breathe to it. he would whisper in your ear some calming lyrics from Bts songs to keep your mind off of it.

“Passing by the end of a cold winter, until the spring day comes again. Until flowers bloom, please stay at that place for a bit longer, please stay there.”

Originally posted by jeonbase


Hoseok would panic every time he had to help you; he would be good at it but cry every time. He would hold your cheeks in the palms of his hands, stroking your temples with his fingertips and making you stare straight into his eyes.

“Just focus on me y/n. You will get through this, we will get through this. You have me and I will always help you.”

Originally posted by myloveseokjin


Research. Namjoon would do a bunch of research on ways of how to calm you down so he would be calm and collected. He would sit you on his lap face to face and us all of the techniques that he saw online, breath tracking, distractions, safe place. He would be really helpful.

“Baby, think of your safe place. Our room at home, cuddled in all the blankets watching dramas and cuddling.”

Originally posted by daeguboy


Poor Jimin would panic and not know what to do at all. He wouldn’t cry like he felt like doing because he wanted to be strong for you so he would just hug you close, stroking your head and whispering how much he loved you into your hair because he didn’t know what else to do.

“How do you still look so beautiful when you cry? I love you so much.”

“You’re strong and you’ll get through this.”

Originally posted by harunyany


Taehyung would suddenly become super serious when he realised you were getting anxious. He would try to distract you by humming and talking about your future together once you’re married and how you will live happily ever after while holding you close but leaving you an appropriate amount of space.

“And we’ll have a dog… maybe 4, one for each kid? it would be so cute, don’t you think so y/n?”

Originally posted by averageoppa


When Jungkook would get a little anxious or upset because of work you would hold him into your chest while he cried and sing to him quietly, even though you didn’t have the best voice it would make him feel better. That was why when he saw you that was the first thing he thought he could do to help you.

“If only I had just one day, I want to peacefully fall asleep intoxicated with your sweet scent”

Originally posted by officialwookkibby


A request from an anon! I hope you like it :)

-Aylee <3

close your eyes wake up and it’s approaching spring again and you can hear birds and smell the earth coming back to life and wear diaphanous dresses and stomp through wildflower fields and have picnics and press flowers and watch thunderstorms and walk barefoot and go on night walks and day walks and spend the gloaming on your roof and lie beneath the stars above and sleep with the window open

heatherlanntheclever  asked:

Is there any chance of a happy ending for the Lannisters? I know they are awful people but why develop their motivations and give each of them a genuine moment of compassion if they are just going to murder each other? Every other POV gets a moment of truth/redemption why not the children of Tywin/Patriarchy/Aerys and Disability? I'm a bad person myself so I need to believe the Lions can defy themselves and prophesy and overcome their nature or what's the point? Not all of us are born Starks.

Hey! So it’s gonna take me a few minutes to answer your question, but I promise I’m gonna get there.

In one of the other shows I watch, an actor commented on the banality of evil. He said that evil is something commonplace. Given the right circumstances, great acts of evil could be committed by your neighbors, or your friends, or you, or me. Because evil is so easy. “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” You needn’t be a monster like Gregor to commit evil; you need only be human. 

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2

Brie and I went to a tall grass prairie today! I used to pass by places like these and see nothing but dead, dry grasses (potential swords for games with my siblings); now I see vestiges waiting to be identified!

As a word alone, vestige means “a trace of something that is disappearing or no longer exists.” A vestige in this context is what’s left of a plant in the winter! If you get up close, you can actually use this handy little guide to start identifying the plants and figure out what they’ll look like once the growing seasons comes around again! It’s difficult to imagine, but prairies like this one can grow well above your head every year, and going through them is like being in a faerie tale land!

It can be tricky to figure out at first, but once you get the hang of it, the guide feels like a little puzzle you get to solve! I always feel super accomplished whenever I identify something!

🌿🍄Follow My Field Journal!🍄🌿

❄️️Winter Starters❄️️

“Don’t track snow through the house!”

“It’s so cold I can’t feel my face.”

“I think my fingers are frostbitten.”

“How are you out here without a coat? You’ll catch your death.”

“Look at all the snow.”

“Why isn’t there any snow? It’s supposed to be winter.”

“Can you turn the heat up?”

“Can you throw another log on the fire?”

“Do you want something hot to drink?

“…I think we’re snowed in…”

“It’s coming down pretty hard out there.”

“Hopefully the temperature doesn’t drop again.”

 “All this rain is going to make the streets a solid sheet of ice if the temperature gets an lower.”

“The snow melts for one day and everything gets covered in mud.”

“I pity whoever is stuck out there.”

“How am I supposed to get home when the snow is up passed my knees?”

“I hate the cold!”

“You complain about the cold, but once summer comes you’ll complain about the heat.”

“I know it’s cold out, but do you really need to make the house a sauna?”

“Go shovel the walk, please.”

“We never get this much snow…”

“All we ever get during winter is rain and mud.”

Spring Inspiration

Over winter, I thawed. My body dripped away from my bones like the snow that melted, washed away with the rain, evaporated when the sun shone through. As the skies got a little brighter I grew lighter, too - legs, fawn like; bones of a baby bird. Grass green eyes peering out around books, mind racing for just the right word.

Grades, perfect. Tests, aced. Smile, wider. Waist, smaller.

I can do this. With snow and ice came a blizzard of insecurity and unhappiness; with the spring comes rebirth. I shed my winter coat and feel free again.

Falcon Vision

Words: 1107
Pairing: Dean x Reader (friendship or romance? read to find out!)
Warnings: None, I guess
A/N: for Lau’s Funny Quote Writing Challenge :D
Tags: @growningupgeek and @dancingalone21


Originally posted by soluscheese

“Oh, come on Dean! Jesus Christ, since when are you such a prude?” You whine, sitting on your bed. “I’ve been talking about this convention since forever, you know damn well I wanna go.”

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a flame in the dark to follow

Summary: For it’s the people who make the city, and if there’s anything Adrien’s always known about Ladybug, it’s that she loves Paris. Loves it enough to don that suit that makes her so iconic, makes her so easy to look up to, and makes her fling herself into the face of danger so others don’t need to.

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug
Pairing: Ladrien

AN: Happy birthday to @miraculousturtle! And a good excuse to finally write some Ladrien. Happy reading!
( Fanfiction.net )
( AO3 )


When Adrien finally arrives on scene, he is two hours late and bitterly kicking the fact that he has to fight his way through hoards of tourists rather than the akuma he should be helping Ladybug with.

Alya’s blog has already told him that Ladybug’s first Lucky Charm hadn’t worked; that The Deliverer’s envelopes swallow people whole, leaving only their terrified voices screaming out from the flaps; and that he is late.

He ducks into a small, empty shop and spots the small supply closet tucked away in the corner. The sudden quiet in the dead space rings eerily in his ears compared to the screams outside.

The handle of the supply closet jams but Adrien heaves and shoves his way through. The moment right before the door closes behind him, the unmistakable sweep of sparkling light envelops another figure before they are both swallowed by cold darkness.

Adrenaline rings in his ears and impatience itches fiercely across his skin, but the silence muffles both sensations, leaving a wary hesitance.

Light flares out from his phone and in his fumbling, it flashes over Ladybug’s face.

Ladybug’s unmasked face.

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flickr

Glow by Kindra Nikole
Via Flickr:
“The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have.” - Norman Vincent Peale [A simple self-portrait to usher in spring. Shot in the branches of my favorite spring-blossom tree. I’ve been in something of an artistic hybernation–this seems to happen like clockwork the past few winters. The darkness and short days and chill sap me in a deep way I find difficulty articulating. Let this be the opening of the doors I’ve had closed for the past few months. When I look at this image, I can smell the sweetness of the air and feel the wet spring chill on my skin. And I can feel myself coming alive again.]

Greetings from the Real World.

To Penn State Students (and whomever else this resonates with),

I spent last weekend at THON, the 46-hour dance marathon run entirely by students at Penn State University, and the largest student run philanthropy in the world, benefitting those battling pediatric cancer. This event is huge. The students spend all year preparing for it in various ways: raising money, becoming friends and support for the actual families who have a child with cancer, going to smaller THON related events, and forming committees to make sure the dance marathon runs as smoothly as possible. THON weekend itself takes hours of donated time and energy from the hundreds of student volunteers on the committees. There is a committee for each of the important aspects that make the weekend work. An entertainment committee in charge of organizing the two days straight of music and entertainment. A clean up committee making sure the Bryce Jordan Center where it’s held, remains in good shape throughout the event and after. They have alumni relations, family assistance, rules and regulations, and the esteemed dancer support committee, formerly known as the Moralers (if you are going to be dancing for 46 hours straight it helps to have a committee of students who are there to give you massages, make sure you don’t know what time it actually is, play catch with you, and guide you gently back into sanity if you begin to hallucinate). Beyond the committees, the stands fill with students in support, the number one rule in the stands, no sitting. Many of the students in the stands stay for most or all of the 46 hours in support of their friends dancing, committee members, and the families battling cancer. The Bryce Jordan Center fills with anywhere from ten to fifteen thousand people who are there to give children and families much needed hope and support. Anyone who has experienced what it actually feels like to be there knows, this is something special.

The enthusiasm. The encouragement. The love. The unity. Even though there are different sororities and fraternities, special clubs and organizations, alumni groups, off campus students and regular students, this weekend is held in place by an overwhelming sense of unity. Maybe because they are all Penn Staters. Or because they put some much time and energy into it. Or because they are all under the effects of sleep deprivation. Or maybe it is because they are all standing together for a worthy cause. The togetherness felt in there is palpable and unforgettable.

I mean, isn’t that what most of us really want? Isn’t that what most of us are searching for? A sense of community, a sense of enthusiasm, a sense of purpose.

We want to know that are actions matter. That we are doing something with our lives. We want to feel connected to the people around us. We want to feel alive. THON weekend provides a highly concentrated experience of the life we want to be living.

College itself also provides the opportunity for this experience of community and purpose, which is why it can be some of the best times of your life (even though it might leave you in debt until you’re 35). College is an environment balanced between structure and freedom.

You have the structure of higher education, intended to shape your understanding and sharpen your skills. Intended to get you ready and give you an edge moving into your chosen field out in post-college life, intended to broaden your perspective and concentrate your goals. You have the structure of the school year- deadlines, quarters, semesters, spring-break, summer-break, winter-break, games, finals, etc. You have the structure of your school-work and the jobs you do to pay for that school-work.

Then you also have the freedom of college. Of no longer living with your parents. Of being able to stay out as long as you want to at night, as long as you make it to class on time…or not. You have the freedom to see the results of your actions. And you have the invaluable freedom of living in a community. You can go to a game and be surrounded by peers of “the same team”. You can wear the same colors anywhere you go. You are given the base-line, thing-you-have-in-common, conversation starter, “Do you go here?”

 

Make sure you appreciate this environment. Use it to your advantage for the time you have it. Do not take it for granted. The education you are receiving, the time you are being given to explore your interests, and the community of people around you! These things becomes much harder to find in “the real world”.

Adults are always talking about “the real world”, as if it is any more real than what you are experiencing now, but we know what they mean. Responsibilities, disappointments, challenges, failure, losing touch with old friends, etc. The real world can be harsh. Unforgiving. Confusing. You become responsible for your whole life, which can empower you to do great things, or weigh you down with inaction and lack of direction. 10 years can slip by in the real world in what feels like the blink of an eye. That’s when adults look back to their college days and think that’s when they had it made. Then they project all their shortcomings and disappointments onto this “real world.” And then, they tell you about how tough things are and how good you college kids have it.

But the secret is, the real world is not fixed in place. What happens to you in the real world is not a guarantee. Like everything else in the universe it is being created on a moment-to-moment basis. The incredible thing is, you create the real world. You are a part of it, not a victim of it. You are an author of reality.

Yes, in the real world, some things are more difficult than in college. The community that surrounds you isn’t built-in. Finding a career is most likely going to be way more difficult than picking a major. Your actions are going to be creating consequences with a very quick return rate. You might end up living with your parents again. You might end up feeling more confused and less-prepared than when you left for college. And you will no longer have your precious spring-break, summer-break, winter-break, and fall-break. Your life will be happening one-hundred percent of the time. You will have to carve out vacation time, if you can find a way to afford it.

But here is the thing, with some hard work, and imagination, you can shape “the real world” to your vision for it. I mean, look at THON. Look at how far it has come. What started with a child’s dream for a cure for cancer, and a few fraternities and sororities organizing a small dance-marathon, has become the biggest student run philanthropy in the world, generating tens of millions of dollars for pediatric-cancer research and support for families, held in a fifteen-thousand person arena.

Notice how much work it takes to create something like this. Notice how many hours go into it. It is not easy. To dance that long, or stand that long, or to be a part of committee. I am sure you face setbacks and challenges along the way. But the outcome is incredible. You can feel it. To be a part of THON means you know that your effort has affected people. It has had results in the real world, on real people, not only the families battling cancer, but each other.

So as you move beyond college and out into the real world, don’t be scared. Well, ok, of course you will be. That’s another thing adults don’t tell you: everyone is scared. If someone says they aren’t, well, they are full of it. Everybody, on some level, is making it up as they go along. And they are, on some level, unsure of themselves and the direction they are heading. They are facing doubts and insecurities. They are scared. It is natural to be scared. Fear is part of our evolution, keeping us on guard for the dangers that could prevent us from surviving. And what scares human beings the most? The unknown. Not knowing if what we want to happen will happen. Not knowing if our actions will count for something. Not knowing what obstacles are going to come our way. Not knowing what is at the end of the road we are choosing. Not knowing what the answer is.

But learn to lean into the unknown. We are all afraid out here in the real world. But that doesn’t have to stop you from doing anything you really want to do. From being anything you really want to be. From creating anything you really want to create. The real world is as much yours as it is mine. It is as much yours as the president or the politicians. It is as much yours as a CEO or a police officer. We are all making it up as we go along.

Learn to accept that you might not always feel sure about yourself or what you are doing, but that you will get way more from going big than from playing small. You will get way more from following just one of your dreams than staying scared to follow any of them. Learn to be a source of the things you want to see in the world. Learn to be a source of the life you want to live. It all starts with you. It all comes from you. Through you.

As you leave college, don’t fool yourself, it will be kind of scary. It’s supposed to be! And there are going to be challenges and difficulties, you might lose your grand sense of community and feel like you are starting from scratch. But bring THON out into the world. Realize you have the power to find a community working towards a common good. Realize you have the power to create a community working towards a common good. Stay active in your life beyond just making money. And hopefully, you will look back on your college years with pride and smile, not because you wish you could go back, but because you know that your best years are not behind you, they lie ahead of you in the Great Unknown, and you get to pave the way.

If you enjoyed this piece. Check out my Youtube inspiration series, Devon’s Life Survival Guide, where I bring you tips to not only survive your life, but enjoy your life and create a life of meaning. Join my community!

Helping Bucky Barnes hide from the government would include:

(Gif credits to owner)

  • First seeing him chilling on a park bench looking hungry, thirsty, and sleep deprived at two o’clock in the morning
  • “Is a friend coming to pick you up?”
  • “Uh, yeah…”
  • “Okay, I’ll wait with you here then”
  • Patiently sitting with him for about twenty minutes
  • “No one’s coming for me…”
  • Driving around for thirty minutes before he gets you to drop him off in front of a random building
  • The building is a real estate agency
  • “You don’t have anywhere to go, do you?”
  • Bucky shaking his head looking like a sad puppy
  • You insisting to take him in
  • Hearing him have a nightmare and comforting him until he falls asleep every night
  • Taking him to the grocery store and buying him as many plums as he wants
  • Teaching Bucky about modern technology
  • Bucky face timing you when you’re at work
  • “Did the fridge magnets get stuck to your arm again?”
  • “Yeah…”
  • Bucky being protective when anyone looks at the two of you funny, just in case it’s someone trying to go after him
  • “What did you say your name was again?”
  • “I don’t remember…”
  • Knowing exactly who he is since you work at the Smithsonian and you spend most of your time at the Captain America exhibit
  • Taking him to work with you one day when he was feeling extra anxious
  • “My name’s Bucky…”
  • Giving him genuine affection that he deserves
  • Making him smile as much as you can to help him feel something good again
  • “I can do this on my own now. Thanks, Y/N”
  • “I’m coming with you, Dumbass”
  • Him not arguing because he low key loves your company, your cuddles, and your cooking
  • Moving with you six times
  • Bucky teaching you how to fight just in case
  • Being hella confused and also concerned when Captain America comes to your door looking for Bucky
  • Helping Bucky and Steve fight
  • Staying low key during Civil War but going to Wakanda with them
  • Being heartbroken when Bucky goes back in the cryo
Daddy! Wonwoo

for @wxnhao , thank you for all the love you’ve given us here’s father Wonwoo, yes it sounds kinky, sorry, it’s also rushed, I apologize in advance

Originally posted by jeonwoof

  • okay, i feel like Wonwoo wouldn’t mind either, but his first child would probably be a daughter
  • would he have another one in the future? probably, but only one more
  • for some reason I see Wonwoo as a slightly confused parent
  • although he’s confused, he’s trying his hardest
  • okay, BUT IMAGINE IF WONWOO’S CHILDREN HAD HIS EYES OR THE CUTE NOSE THING WHERE IT SCRUNCHES UP WHEN HE SMILES OR LAUGHS
  • i don’t know, those feature just look really nice
  • but, whoever looks he gets, he will always tell his child that she’s the prettiest
  • and if she doesn’t like her features he’ll feel sad that his cute ass child doesn’t like it even though she’s probably one of the cutest kids EVER
  • but he’d try to convince her that she’s still pretty
  • I mean he ranks himself pretty far up the visual list in SVT
  • I feel like his child would like to wander around a lot so he always holds onto her
  • probably because she got lost once and he was like, FUCK, WHERE IS MY CHILD, SHIT, MY WIFE CAN’T FIND OUT
  • but your daughter probably ran to you while Wonwoo wasn’t looking
  • when he found you guys he probably grinned at you sheepishly
  • i feel like whenever his daughter would do anything girly he would be so lost
  • BUT HE WOULD TRY
  • NO.1 AWARD FOR TRYING GOES TO JEON WONWOO
  • he would probably take her out for cheeseburgers, just saying
  • and if she isn’t a big eater he will probably do his best to make her eat
  • but she probably will because she’s a good (???) child
  • although Wonwoo is kind of confused with all the girly things
  • he’d be a pretty good dad
  • like he’d be so conscious of what’s around her
  • like he probably didn’t let Mingyu hold her for the first two months because he was scared he’d drop her
  • I also feel like he wouldn’t want her too be lonely so until her future brother (??) arrives she meets up with the hip hop units kids
  • like he’ll pick her up from school and take her to Baby Cheol, Baby Mingyu and Baby Vernon
  • they’d be like a squad, the cutie squad
  • okay, but her first day of school
  • he’d probably be a nervous wreck
  • l can imagine him giving her like 1243085 warnings about school, but it’s because he just wants the best for her
  • he’d probably pick her up later and invade her with questions
  • I also see Wonwoo as a really patient parent, so he wouldn’t be the strict one, but if she doesn’t listen to you, he would either calmly talk to her about what she did wrong and not to do it again or would raise his voice a little
  • but he’s still pretty calm
  • apparently he’s also really clean so i feel like he would always clean up after her
  • or when you go out she has chocolate on her face, he would probably wipe it of her face
  • how cute :)
  • when it gets cold he’d probably carry her so she can keep warm in his arms
  • so like say you guys went out somewhere in winter and it was hella cold because apparently its cold af in Korea
  • she would probably start shivering
  • and father Wonwoo would come to the rescue
  • he would pick his princess up and keep her in his warmth
  • Wonwoo would be such a caring parent
  • like if she was sad he’d probably sit her on his lap and talk to her about what happened
  • he probably wouldn’t say much
  • but he’d try to cheer her up in some way
  • and whenever she’s happy he’s at least 10x happier
  • IMAGINE THEIR CUTE ASS SMILES
  • tl;dr Wonwoo as a dad would be so cute, he would always try his hardest to keep his baby happy no matter how hard it is.

- Admin Jola🌱

Am I religious?

The pastor looked at me
God knew I was here for a reason
I’m reminded of a deeper issue
One as a child that felt so simple

Are you religious and of faith?
The night Before id had phone sex, told a lie, and had hate in my heart
My sin was building up like winter was coming and I needed to catch up on supplies

My friend thought I was praying
But no I was playing with my necklace
Counting the beads again and again to avoid this very question

I’ve laid in bed after a prayer asking this
But can I give up sin and all the adventures
be conservative, pray to a God even after I’ve sinned feeling no regret

God saw what I did what I do
The level of sin that I’m in so deep
The alter calling me to let go
Of control of my life
Follow rules that my youth pushed on me like no other way to existed lived

The pastor speaks of peace
But church brought me pain,judgement, a need to be perfect
No a thirst for it
I felt so narrow minded back then boxed in

Religion isn’t part time the pastor says
It’s easy to fall into that this
Each service ending asking if someone wants saved or prayed for

I don’t stand
I don’t breath
I count the minutes
Till the guilt passes in my gut
Because I’m a part time person of faith

i sat & sobbed & walked in a forest for a whole night & my voice has gone away from my throat & left something that feels like scratches when i swallow i like how winter starts growing first from the insides of us & spreads out slowly like a disease, at fall you can see it already poisoning the flowers & trees & the air & when the first snow finally comes & hides the dead colors it’s beautiful like a near-death dream, it’s so warm again when everything grows cold enough

LOOK AT THIS BEAUTY i love my bike so much

i love cycling, it makes me feel so free

no matter how stressed and tired and sad i am, when im on my bike its like i can leave behind my worries for at least a while. its rly rare for me to come back from a bike ride without feeling relaxed and refreshed and hopeful

I forget that magical feeling every winter, but eventually the spring returns and i can go cycling again and be reminded of why its one of my favourite sports ever and one of the best things in the world

You know I have this theory that Bucky doesn’t remember killing Tony’s parents like at all. Which Sebastian Stan confirms funny enough.

So that makes me think back to the moment of horror on Bucky’s face and the tears in his eyes and it hits me.

Bucky is hearing himself murder them. Hes hearing himself murder Tony’s parents, his victims for what to him seems like the first time. The denial that Steve so effortlessly provided (”You didn’t have a choice.”)  seems suddenly moot with the sounds of his victims echoing his ears.

Finally here’s the proof his vague jumbled memories failed to provide him. What Steve so readily dismissed; that hes a monster. One who can’t be trusted, because he doesn’t even remember them. He doesn’t remember doing this, but now he’ll never be able to forget the sounds of them dying at his hands.

So he’s freaking out and horrified.  And then Tony says “Rogers did you know?”

When Steve says “Yes.” in that regretful tone of voice that doesn’t really sound regretful, Bucky realizes that Steve knew. He sat on that plane with him knowing Bucky murdered Tony’s parents.

Steve knew all along, all that time and even denied and pushed away the fact that Bucky STILL did it.

Bucky looks like he is fucking reeling and in shock. That face he makes is one of betrayal and confusion and horror. Steve knew how he felt. Steve knew what kind of shit Bucky was responsible for, he KNEW Bucky killed Tony’s parents and when he had the moment to tell Bucky he didn’t.

He had a perfect moment on that plane and didn’t tell him. (and someone somewhere is going, yeah but he did it to protect Bucky. and all I can say as see how well that excuse worked out with Tony. Bucky had the right to know.)

Bucky could put up with be hunted down, because he knew that was coming. He could put up with the his privacy and personal journal being violated, because part of him believes he deserves it. He put up with being dragged back into a fight he didn’t want unwillingly at of necessity and atonement, because the Winter Soldiers are bad news.

But not this. Before he’s forced yet again by both of them this time to defend himself and Steve, he feels a sense of loss, of betrayal and confusion.  Because he can’t understand Steve keeping this from him. Either he is stable enough to fight this battle and therefore be trusted with his own past or he’s not.

Steve didn’t consider it important enough maybe, but Bucky’s not sure how something so earth shattering could be deemed trivial to Captain America and definitely not the little Punk from Brooklyn. He doesn’t see how it didn’t occurs to Steve and hes not sure he really wants to hear the excuses.

He vaguely remembers the Steve who put newspapers in his shoes and Bucky feels in his gut (something he hasn’t felt in a long time) that his Steve wouldn’t have kept this from him. Steve wouldn’t have done this.

And I think that’s a major reason Bucky decides to go back into cryo, with that fake strained smile.

He doesn’t trust his own mind, no, but he doesn’t think he can trust Steve with it either.

He betrayed them both.

A Red Rose *Bucky Barnes x Reader*

Originally posted by super-pink-rabbit

Requested by @sleep-depiravation: HI RO~ I have an angsty kinda prompt? Maybe? Um, maybe the funeral? Like say Peggy and any girl buck may have had secretly and the feelings (Steve would have known about his girl) idk
Warnings: Suicide mentions 
Admins Note: My idea for this is basically; I changed it by a lot. So reader commits suicide after she finds out Bucky had died, Steve attends the funeral along with Peggy, then when he is out of ice he attends Peggy funeral; who has been buried the same graveyard as you and he is left a little shaken up and surprised; INSPIRATION FROM PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. Sorry, it’s short, my inspiration was running dry.


THEN

Steve didn’t know how much more heartbreak he could possibly take this week. First his best friends fall and then next his best friends, best girl commits suicide, whom Steve had grown close to over the course of their relationship; you were basically his best friend too, the only girl he managed to have a conversation with, well, before Peggy that is. You had managed to tame the wild heart of James Barnes, how? Not even Steve could answer that, something about you drew Bucky in and he couldn’t stop, he was forever absolutely obsessed with you. 

The whole relationship was a whirlwind, it stopped as fast it started, due to the war coming along; of course as soon as Barnes wanted to settle down, a war had to start, James couldn’t sit back and let other die when he could do something.

Your relationship with Bucky was very private, only a few in Brooklyn neighbourhood knew about it, despite being notorious throughout Brooklyn; Bucky was a very private person, not really sharing everything with everyone, sometimes not even with Steve. 

Some things were best kept between two people, your relationship was one of those things, although he did like to take you dancing, you were a frequent partner of his on the dance floor, possibly the only one up until the war. 

His affections only doubled the closer he got to be shipping off, he made a lot of promises to you, and himself for when he returned; of course he thought he was going to return, what was waiting for him back home was enough to make any man want to get the war over with, he wanted to be with you… forever.

Somehow when Bucky was away he had managed to arrange for a single red rose to turn up for every day that he was away; it kept you smiling and happy, they stopped coming when he died, of course, that’s when you knew your life would never be the same again. 

You took your life not a week after you were sent the news, the thought of living without him was too much, to some it was crazy but how could anyone expect you to carry on when the reason you fought so hard to begin with was gone and never coming back?

Peggy and Steve stood beside one another, watching as they lowered your casket into the ground; Steve held back the tears that wanted to spill down his cheeks as he watched. It wasn’t meant to end this way, not for you and Buck, you were meant to get married and be a family; children, house and a dog, the works. 

He felt guilty for not saving Bucky and he felt terrible because he made a promise if anything were to happen to Bucky to keep you safe, he didn’t manage that either; he lost two of the most important people to him and he didn’t know what to do. 

It’s silent as everyone slowly leaves, dirt being thrown over the dark wooden oak, making a horrible thumping sound as it hit and Steve choked back a sob. It wasn’t meant to end this way.

NOW

The grey clouds cascade across the sky blocking the sun and creating a grey filter over everything, it’s bland and bleak, like everyone’s emotions around Steve. A harsh breeze ripples around the cemetery, causing the short green grass to rustle slightly, the tall leafy trees to creak in the silence as the casket is lowered into the ground before him. 

The priest saying a few prayers, throwing some dirt over the casket, Steve watches as Peggy’s family does it also. He recognises a few faces, not wanting to disturb a moment he keeps to the back and in silence, the service was beautiful and done justice to Peggy Carter.

Although, it never gets any easier for Steve, to watch the people he loves die around him. He should be dying alongside them, only he is healthy, healthy as one could be. Steve glances around at the many sobbing faces, his heart aches lightly, and he should have gotten a chance to grow old with the women he loved… Bucky should have too. 

Everything went wrong for them both, yet, they are both alive but their girls are dead and it’s a harsh reality of going to war… or something close to it. As the service draws to a close Steve gives his condolences to the Carter family, deciding to pay another girl a visit before he left, he on purposely hadn’t come to this cemetery in a long time. 

He couldn’t find the courage to see you, you died too young and soon, you died thinking you’d be reunited with Bucky but HYDRA fooled you too and its mostly Steve’s fault; he didn’t want face you yet but now was a perfect time.

He slowly walked through the grounds, hands in his suit pockets, smiling at the few people visiting and carrying flowers to their loved ones; he wished he brought roses, you loved those, he used to laugh at the grin and giggle you make when Bucky brought you some… the pure glee and happiness. 

That was one of Bucky’s favourite things, your smile, he tried to make sure every day you’d smile, even when he was gone, that’s why he sent a rose every day to your house whilst he was shipped off.

Steve smiled at your headstone, it looked brand new, it’s why he loved this cemetery they really take pride in keeping everything looking perfect; your name and date of birth etched into the stone. 

Steve slowly walked closer, standing a foot away from the headstone and deeply sighed, he didn’t know whether to talk or remain silent; he knew he wouldn’t get a reply but it may help. 

He let his head drop and tears spill down his cheeks, he wished that somehow Bucky didn’t fall and got to grow old with you, even if it meant Steve got frozen for all those years and wouldn’t now be searching for his best friend but he would be here… beside you, as he should be.

Steve’s eyes lock onto something that’s lying upon the headstone, the air gets choked up in his throat, his heart rate accelerates at a rapid pace and he begins to look around frantically but sees no one close by.

 He gets down on his knees, not caring for the dirt and examines it closely but not touching it, he lets out some air and it sounds like a strained chuckle. 

A single red rose with a black silk bow wrapped around the green stem, even under the dark clouds the vibrancy of the rose is beautiful, especially against the white headstone and slide up the stem is an engagement ring; Steven remembers the last time he saw that ring, right before himself and Bucky jumped onto that moving train.

THEN

“Hey, Steve before we either make it or become insects splattered on the sides, what do you think of this?” he holds up an engagement ring, pressed against Steve’s nose, he goes crossed eyed before pulling back and examining it over for a few seconds, it’s beautiful and very traditional. He lightly chuckled at Bucky’s words before smiling. 

“I love it, Buck,” he joked “I didn’t know you felt that way abo-“ he’s cut off by Bucky slapping his arm with laughter, doubling over as he placed the ring back inside the velvet box and instead a pocket on the inside of his jacket, once his laughter is died down he looks back at Steve for a real verdict.

“Not too over the top?” Bucky asked and Steve shakes his head, laughing as Bucky wipes imaginary sweat from his forehead “and obviously you’ll be my best man right, right?” Bucky asked frantically, you hadn’t even said yes and Bucky was asking Steve, Steve grinned and hugged Bucky; of he’d ask Steve to be his best man but that didn’t make it any less special.

“Of course, jerk” Steve pulled back and went to get ready as the train rounded the corner

“Punk” was chuckled back from behind him.

NOW

Bucky remembered you, importantly he remembered your favourite flower and somehow managed to get the ring, he fell with that ring and HYDRA would have thrown it out or maybe they didn’t; it didn’t matter, right now, Bucky was out there remembering you and that spurred the search for him even more. 

Steve sighed, resting his head against the headstone, the ring meant more than just Bucky recognising how important you may have been but the fact you were part of him. 

A part of his old life, a life before the war and HYDRA, he remembered every detail; the red rose, the ring and he even found out where you were buried, clearly you still meant something to him and that never left him. 

Now it’s the matter of finding out what state of mind Bucky is in, clearly he is remembering his past, Steve could only hope that Bucky was okay and not completely losing himself in finding himself. 

“I’ll get him back for the both of us” Steve muttered, standing up, suddenly not feeling defeated about never getting his best friend back again.

(You can request; imagines and one shot by myself and Angie. Hopefully, you liked this, I didn’t make it too angsty but this was the best I could come up with, hopefully, it’s okay - Rosalee)

Who says you can’t go home (chapter 4)

Sorry guys, I know I took my time with this chapter (mostly because I was distracted writing other stuff) but I’m not abandoning Bucky and Jess.

Story: After spending the night with Bucky Jess finds Steve on her doorstep. And she finally learns a bit more about the Winter Soldier.

There is a little bit of smut in this one but it’s not very explicit, it’s mostly angst and fluff.

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Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

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Who says you can’t go home (chapter 4)

‘Is he here?’

Jess tried to close the door but he already had his foot in the doorway to stop her.

‘Is Bucky here?’ Steve asked again.

‘I’m not letting you in,’ she tried to hold the door but he was much stronger than her and only holding back because he didn’t want to hurt her.

‘Someone tipped me off that I might find him here.’

‘I’m not letting Shield take him,’ Jess insisted.

‘I don’t work for Shield.’

She looked at him in disbelief,‘ I know who you are, captain America, you’re the poster boy for the Avengers, how do you not work for Shield?’

He gave her a little smile and shook his head.

‘I don’t work for Shield anymore, listen, I understand you’re hesitant, but you can trust me. Bucky is my friend.’

Jess looked at him, she didn’t know much about Steve Rogers, only that he was part of the Avengers and many considered him a hero, the ultimate good guy, a man you could trust.
His honest and kind eyes told her the same thing.

She let out a deep sigh and opened the door to let him step inside,’ Please don’t make me regret this.’

Steve followed her inside through the kitchen but when they came closer to the bed they found it completely empty, sheets pushed down to the side and the window next to it completely open.

‘Shit,’ Steve sighed.

‘Bucky’s a friend, huh? Then why did he run?’ she crossed her arms and looked at him, waiting for an answer.

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