winter break let's go

I sit here,
remembering winter,
the cold winds that bit my cheeks,
and made my hands stone dry.
Remembering that night,
the tint of moonlight in your hair,
and the redness in your cheeks,
it makes me tremble 
how much I loved you.

I was too busy that night
watching you twirl around
in your white scarf and high boots
to feel the shivering in my bones.
I was too busy letting you take my hand in yours
and twirling me around with you
to feel the sadness in the gloomy skies.
You’d distract me from the cold
and you’d distract me from the darkness.

I’ll spend this winter without you,
looking at the blue skies
and the fidgeting of my fingers,
wondering if the memory of your spark
will be enough to keep me warm,
or if it’ll keep me trembling
because of how much I still love you.

a collar full of chemistry

Summary: None of her students have seemed to catch on, considering Lauren only visits her to walk together to their shared lunch duty station, or after school has been dismissed for the day. Camila keeps their interactions short; whether it be from budding anxiety of Lauren’s proximity, or the fear of being caught in a lie from the pink to her cheeks caused by a smile cast from Lauren’s mouth her way, Camila hasn’t quite calculated.

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imagine you find out from Mondo that Ishimaru is planning on spending his winter break studying. You decide that you’re not going to let him waste his holidays and go over to his house with a plan in mind. When Ishimaru opens the door, he’s clad in only his pajamas with a text book in hand, and you march past demanding he put on some suitable clothing, you two are going sledding. He tries to voice an argument, but you have none of it and usher him into his room. Once you two are outside, standing ontop of a snowy hill, you notice that Ishimaru looks more then afraid. You assure him that it’s fine, tell him to get in and take a seat infront of him. You can feel the hall monitor desperately cling onto your back and with a swift push, you two are racing down the hill. Ishimaru’s forehead is buried into your back and  you can’t help but laugh and before you know it you’re tumbling over into a big pile of snow. Still laughing, Ishimaru’s hold on you tightens and he mumbles that he would have rather been at home reading about quantum physics, but you just tell him to hush up and enjoy the winter holidays. 

When I first met my boyfriend, six years ago through a mutual friend, I was a closet geek.

Throughout highschool I was made fun of on a constant basis which caused me to build a shell so thick that I refused to tell anyone about the things that I actually enjoyed, like anime. When you go to a highschool with 3,000+ students, you would assume that the student body was too varied for any group to get picked on too much; which clearly wasn’t the case with my school because if you liked anything anime/manga/cosplay related you were fucked. So I stayed quiet and shoved my interests into the closet of my mind.

Then I met him, first on MySpace where we started talking. I had no clue who this person was, what his interests were; the only thing I knew was that he enjoyed a Japanese band called The Pillows because a song of theirs was on his profile. I don’t know if you’ve ever had that moment where you feel an instant, albeit insignificant, connection with someone because of something silly and small, but that’s what I felt. Because he liked The Pillows. And I liked The Pillows. Because they created the soundtrack to my favorite anime.

Then we actually spoke for the first time. And I think he learned more about me in that first conversation than anyone had ever learned about me in their whole span of being my friend or acquaintance. We talked about The Pillows. I admitted (actually admitted!) that I liked anime. And then we found out that the reason we both loved The Pillows so much is because FLCL was our favorite anime.

And then he became my best friend. We spent every single day together. We would have these silly arguments and yell at eachother in between our bouts of laughter because we could never take the other one seriously. It was beautiful. I had never felt such freedom and comfort with anyone. We would walk through Walmart tripping and pushing eachother and constantly making a scene. We would get take out and go back to my house and curl up under a blanket and watch anime until two in the morning and I would have to drive him home. We would sit at Denny’s until sunrise, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes, and then we would drive to the beach. He introduced me to his friends, who became my friends and are now more like brothers to me. He opened up this life for me that I had never dreamed I could have, with friends and honesty and acceptance.

He was entering his sophomore year of college at the end of that summer, along with his friends, and suddenly I felt as if he was being ripped away from me. I felt as if the life I had been granted in that summer was ending.

So I started dating again, even though I knew I was slowly falling in love with this boy who knew me better than I knew myself. They were unsubstantial relationships, a couple months here and there, people I couldn’t love because I was always missing someone else. And every time he came home I felt as if life was being breathed back into me. I could let go and relax. Then finally his winter break came, which allowed me to be selfish and monopolize all of his time again, and before he left I woke up to an exceedingly long message on MySpace.

I still have it hanging in my room, as a constant reminder of what we felt for that year without saying anything for fear of ruining a beautiful friendship. He wrote me a letter, confessing his love for me in the most sincere way.

We’ve been inseparable since day one. The photo above is a scene from FLCL, the anime that our whole relationship was founded on. I used to ask him that question when we first met. “Do you want to come with me? Do you want to throw everything away and come with me?”. And he did.

TL;DR : true love can be found in the strangest places, in the most unexpected ways, and even in your best friend. You can always make it out of the friend zone. Also stop being assholes to geeky kids because all we want is a friend and we’re too awkward to admit it.

/rant