wins all the things forever

ME AFTER WATCHING MONSTA X'S SHINE FOREVER TEASER:
  • WHAT I SAY: I'M FINE
  • WHAT I MEAN: ACTUALLY CAN SOMEONE CALL A FUCKING AMBULANCE OR SOMETHING
10

“I used to tell Walter, ‘Never start a fight… but always finish it.’ I didn’t start this fight… but by God, I’m going to finish it.”

6
Which Part 3 Stand User should you fight in a fistfight
  • Jotaro Kujo: Do not do this. Holly suggested in the very first chapter of SDC that she would not be surprised if her own son killed several men in an all-out brawl. Not four chapters later, random students affirm to the school nurse that he would actually get into fights regularly and come out unscathed. Do not fight Jotaro Kujo.
  • Joseph Joestar: This man may be 68, but he's still the wily bastard from Part 2 that used a children's toy, a sledgehammer, and a volcano to defeat ancient Aztec vampires, except now this time he's a foxy grandpa. His age is your only safe bet, and even then he has a German-made robot hand. Don't fight Joseph Joestar.
  • Muhammad Avdol: Normally, I'd say that you could easily fight any fortune teller and win. This man relies on his Stand for most of his fighting, but what you have to be wary here for is his cunning and foresight. Also, doesn't he have, like, hidden knives? He pulls one out and gives it to Polnareff to commit suicide with. What the fuck. Fight Avdol, but be prepared to lose barely.
  • Noriaki Kakyoin: Have you SEEN this man he is a twig he died from a single punch fight him. Bonus points if you make some sort of watermelon joke
  • Holly Kujo: What the fuck don't do this you'd win but why would you do this. This woman is a saint don't fight her.
  • Grey Fly: He is an old man that got taken out by Kakyoin of all people. Fight Grey Fly. Fight this disgusting old man and laugh.
  • Jean-Pierre Polnareff: I'm torn. On one hand, this is a fistfight and Polnareff's strength is his fencing skills. On the other hand, he beat up a fully-grown man at 5 years old. Fight at your own risk.
  • Captain Tenille: Now, normally I'd say fight him, but like. Look at him. This man is 200 pounds of ocean-tempered steel and sex appeal. Don't fight Captain Tenille.
  • Forever: An orangutan has five times the strength of a human arm. His Stand is named Strength, of all things. Don't fight Forever.
  • Devo: You'd win, but like, he'd LET you win. Devo would literally let you beat him up, and then he'd creepily giggle and then you'd die ten hours after the fight. You'd win, but do not fight Devo.
  • Rubber Soul: You'd win. This man copied Kakyoin. Poorly, too. The thing here is, Rubber Soul is pretty much nothing without Yellow Temperance dissolving everything around him. Fight Rubber Soul.
  • Hol Horse: Have you seen Hol Horse, like, ever win a fight? Even his victory against Avdol was staged so that they could fake his death. This man is literally nothing without Emperor, and he's still nothing with Emperor. Fight Hol Horse.
  • J. Gail: Okay, not only would you win, due to the fact that Hanged Man requires J. Gail to play hide-and-seek, but look at the man. Look at this bastard and tell me you wouldn't fight him anyways. Beat him up. I'll help.
  • Nena: I mean, you COULD fight her, yeah, but why would you? All she is is a gremlin woman inhabiting the body of a more conventionally-attractive woman. Let her live her dreams.
  • ZZ: This man is PATHETIC. Fight ZZ.
  • Enya: You would not win. The only thing you have going for you here is her age and the fact that she's tiny. Thing is, she sold a Stand arrow to Diavolo, gave Dio his Stand, only died from a sneak attack not even Jotaro saw coming, and kept up with Polnareff's fencing using a pair of scissors. I'd love for you to fight Enya, but please don't.
  • Steely Dan: I don't care who will win. Beat this trash boat up.
  • Arabia Fats: You would win. Arabia Fats was taken out by a single rock thrown at his head. His entire fighting style revolves around sitting behind a mirror as he slowly cooks people to death. Fight Arabia Fats.
  • Mannish Boy: Okay, see, you'd win, but there'd be so much backlash because, like, you're fighting a baby???? Wtf??? Don't fight Mannish Boy if you don't want your reputation ruined. If you don't care about that, fuckin fight this baby.
  • Cameo: This is one of the easiest fights on this list. His fighting style is him doing nothing as he sits underground, breathing through a tube. You could take him out by pissing on him. Fight Cameo.
  • Midler: Okay, see, here's the thing: we never see her in the anime or manga, so I'm going with Heritage for the Future's design for her (which is canon anyways), and you NEVER want to fight Egyptian belly dancers. This woman has killed, and will kill again. Don't fight Midler.
  • Iggy: I'd love for you to fight Iggy, but don't. One: He's a small puppy. Two: He owned Polnareff in three seconds and subsequently killed Pet Shop by biting him. Don't fight Iggy.
  • N'Doul: This man will go down in one hit. He's literally like a sadder version of a Waterbending Toph, except he'll make you wonder if you're truly doing the right thing during the very one-sided fight. Fight N'Doul at your own risk.
  • Oingo: Well, see, this depends. Are you that mafia nerd Oingo beat up for money? Then don't fight, just come back later with the mob. Are you literally anyone else? Fight him. Either way, you'll win.
  • Boingo: Don't fight Boingo. Just, don't. This kid has had enough happen to him.
  • Chaka: You're fighting Chaka because Anubis is literally just a sword. Now, see, Chaka is a farmer, so he's very strong and muscular, but if Polnareff has anything to say about it, he's a piss-poor fighter, even when possessed. Fight Chaka.
  • Mariah: No??? This woman has legs and she knows how to use them. Not only is she fast, she'll also kick you so hard you'dd be seeing cats until the next episode of Jojo. Then she'll take out the knife she hid under her tube top. Don't fight Mariah.
  • Alessi: This man is a coward, but he also has a gun and an ax. However, this is a fistfight. And in a straight fistfight, he got beat up by a seven-year-old child. Fight Alessi. It'll be fun.
  • Daniel J D'Arby: Oh my god fight him it'll be hilarious. This man is swole, I get it, but, like, he died from being bluffed too hard. He got beat up by his own younger brother. Fight Danny boy.
  • Pet Shop: Do not fight this bird he does not give a fuck he will literally kill you
  • Terence Trent D'Arby: Same with his brother: Fight him. Fight him until he starts bleeding MLG horns and salt. Because remember, EGGS (Every Gamer Gets Salty)
  • Kenny G: Kenny G's Stand, Tenor Sax, is a Stand of illusions. He will go down without a fight.
  • Vanilla Ice: See, you'd THINK you could take on a man named after a failed White rapper, but you'd be horrifically wrong. First of all, he's not only the second-biggest Dio fanboy (Pucci wins that spot), he's also a vampire. Second of all, he fucking cut off his own head to feed Dio. What the fuck. That's the most hardcore shit I've ever seen a minor villain do. Don't fight Vanilla Ice.
  • DIO: Do you want to die. This is a legit question. If Dio's charisma doesn't charm you into submission, then you're fucked. See, the thing here is, Dio doesn't NEED The World to kill you. Like, he's still a vampire, and he's still possessing the beautifully-sculpted body of Jonathan Joestar. Best chance is that you end up mind-controlled into fighting Jotaro and you end up in the hospital. Don't fight Dio. Don't even try to engage.