When you have your main teams you support but you also love specific players in the other teams and because you love them you kinda love their team too, so you're stuck loving all the teams like the hoe that you are
NHL regular season 2016-17

Arizona Coyotes & Buffalo Sabres

Boston Bruins

Chicago Blackhawks

Colorado Avalanche

Columbus Blue Jackets

Dallas Stars

Edmonton Oilers

Florida Panthers

Montreal Canadiens

Philadelphia Flyers

Pittsburgh Penguins

San Jose Sharks

Toronto Maple Leafs

Vancouver Canucks

Washington Capitals

Winnipeg Jets

The nhl teams as I understand them

I was introduced to the nhl 1 month ago and this is what I get so far (greatly influenced by tumblr)

Colorado avalanche: a group of male models? Don’t know if they play hockey or are there just to draw in more people to the sport ( totally working btw, good job)

Dallas stars: promiscuity cured by cow eyes? They wear green which is nice. That’s all I got

Carolina hurricanes : they do figure skating? Possibly while playing hockey

San Jose sharks: no teeth. But lots of facial hair. I have zero problems with that for some reason

Washington capitals: a Swedish father and his Russian wife bring up their special, precious children

Pittsburg penguins: Canadian hockey Harry Potter and Russian hockey Harry Potter?

Vegas golden knights: came like new kids on the block and stole some players from other teams ? Kidnapped them? everyone was sad and upset?

Nashville predators: I like them. They look like nice boys you’d be happy to introduce to your parents.

Toronto Maple Leafs: 50% of the team looks high on uppers and the other 50% on the verge of a major depression episode. People appear passionate about them.

Philadelphia Flyers: what is Claude Giroux? Why am I attracted to him? I’m having a personality crisis

Tampa bay lightning: they are good.

Winnipeg jets: goat children? Probably all in a cult. I had a dream that they won the Stanley cup.

Chicago Blackhawks : sensed fandom wank so I’m keeping my distance

Edmonton Oilers: something about Jesus? The second coming? I get confused by everyone in this team because I can’t tell if they are 15 or 45

Montreal Canadiens : …their YouTube game is strong. I want to take them all and keep them in my pocket.

New York Rangers: they feel like the Swedish kids in university that won’t talk to the rest of us internationals


I know there are more teams but more data is needed.

YOU GUYS, TSN DID A THING! Well they posted a thing another person did. Hockey players with old time haircuts in old timey cards.

“alright kid, time to pick a number. what do you want?”

“hm, i don’t know. i’m a goalie, though”

“a goalie, you say?”

“you’re getting 31″

5

“I think that abolishing guns from the world is not happening, not possible. But if there’s a way to make our schools safer, make our kids safer… There seems to have been steps taken around the world, different countries have had success doing it, the United States is a little behind on that, and I just don’t see why… Especially since it’s every year, you know? I mean, it’s more than every year, but it seems like every year there’s some instance like this, and we all get on twitter, we all say our piece, and then we go on with our lives and it happens again the next year. So you’d like to see something happening.”

HOCKEY PLAYERS LOOKING SO DAMN FUCKING FINE LIKE BITCH WHAT THE FUCK THIS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL. LIKE TAKE YOU AND YOUR FUCKING GOLD CHAIN THAT PEAKS OUT OF YOUR JERSEY AND GIVE ME A SECOND TO TAKE A DEEP BREATHE, SIT DOWN AND SIP SOME WATER BEFORE I FUCKING HYPERVENTILATE FROM YOUR STUPID GOOD LOOKING FACE AND BODY AND FUCKING GREAT PERSONALITY THAT HAS STUPID ASS TENDENCIES. LIKE GET OUT OF HERE AND GIVE ME A SECOND TO FUCKING BREATHE FUCKING HELL.

Hockey Returns vol. 100.  Excited!

10

(* = my criterions while making this were: birthplaces (not hometowns); air distance (e.g.: London is airly closer to Detroit than to Toronto) and I didn’t involve players who were born too far away from any NHL city; amount of players (e.g.: there are many players born in New York City area, but not enough to make a whole team)

also: I made this with help of this map which is also mine, so all errors are probably mine) 

so I made this for fun so I could see how NHL would look like and even though it’s not 100% accurate, I think it’s done its work