windows-into-my-psyche

2 recent dreams that bothered me:
-my permanent hair dye, which is essentially my natural color, washed out and i had muddy blonde at the ends of my hair – the bleach with the stain of brown dye on top of it. it wouldn’t hold the color and i had to keep touching it up every few weeks.
-i awoke to dark blood in my underwear. so much blood. i haven’t had a period in nearly half a year. if i’m lucky, i will never have one again.
-it’s possible these were the same dream, but i don’t remember them being that way.

what do these say about me? is there prophecy in the symbolism again, or is this a window into my tortured psyche? why am i in such turmoil?

i dreamt the impossible happened to me. i dreamt i was a lesser version of myself. i dreamt i again became who once i was, and it understandably set me in a frenzy of panic. it challenged my fragile ego, and my unbalanced view of myself, to suddenly be the unhappy me again. an uglier me.

so… blood. the first plague. in this case, “womanhood” in the eyes of others. being without hrt suddenly. being fertile and being expected to pass on these faulty genes. inevitability. helplessness.
my hair, which, like samson’s, is a huge facet of my identity.
am i scared of time? of being ugly and therefore not valuable? not lovable? am i afraid to not be in control?

or, if a prophecy: it could be any of these. someone may get hurt soon. consequences. details. cyclical thinking or acting. patterns. stagnation. powerlessness. romance. dependency. matters of the heart. a gut decision.