Listening to Avril and randomly got inspired for an angst story. Maybelisten to the song while you read, it’ll screw with your feels. This may have a part 2 if people are into it, because I fucking hate sad endings.
Summary: You are Dean’s girlfriend, but his life on the road is destroying your relationship. You’d broken up with him the last time he left, but he’s back and not taking no for an answer.
Characters: Sam, Dean, Reader
Warnings: Angst, a shit ton of angst. Unprotected sex, profanity, and reading back over this, it’s kind of implied the reader has an eating disorder. She doesn’t, it just comes across that way.
You can barely form the words. You’re literally shaking with rage. Dean is standing in your living room staring down at you. He opens his mouth and you cut him off.
“Get out Dean, now. Leave my key and go.” You hiss at him. Sam is behind him looking both worried and sad. You give him a tight smile, hoping he understands your anger is not towards him. You’d been sitting on your couch halfway through a bottle of wine when you’d heard the lock on the front door turn and you had instantly known it was Dean. He was the only person who had your house key.
“Ah, come on sweetheart. You haven’t seen me in what, a month? Is that really how you want to greet me?” Dean asks teasingly. “Everything’s a fucking joke with you, Winchester. I told you when you left last time that I didn’t want you to come back, and guess what? I fucking meant it. I want you out of my house. Now.” You want to punch him in his smirking face. You also want to kiss those smirking lips. Bastard.
“I told you’d I’d be back as soon as I could darlin’. I’m sorry it took so long, but I’m here now. And I missed you. Did you miss me?” he asks, and you know he already knows the answer. “Doesn’t matter if I did, we’re through. Just go, please. I can’t do this.” You choke back a sob. Instantly Dean is in front of you, kneeling down so he can see your face. You can’t look at him. You just want to sink back into your couch and die.
“Baby, look at me.” He pleads. You can’t help but stare up into his eyes. God, he’s beautiful. You hate yourself right now. You had told him when he left you the last time that you were finished. He’d breeze into town, stay a few days, fuck you senseless, then he’d be out the door without so much as a glance backwards. He swore that he was going to slow down, maybe even stop hunting altogether, but you could never ask him to do that. He loved it too much and, well, you knew he didn’t love you. He’d never said it despite you telling him several times that you were in love with him. He’d just smile and kiss you or reply with a soft, “I know.”
“I’m sorry. You know I hate leaving you, but I have a job to do. It’s got to be done, and it’s got to be me doing it. I can’t help that. You told me you could handle it.” You shove his chest hard. “Fuck you Dean. I told you when you left I couldn’t handle it anymore and yet here you are, back to fuck up my life yet again.” He looks angry for a moment, then slides his palms onto your thighs. Fuck, his touch is magic. You feel a rush of lust and heat come over your body and silently curse at yourself.
“Forgive me.” He whispers, leaning toward you. His face is inches from yours. He licks his lips and you suppress the urge to groan. “No, Dean.” You reply firmly. He leans in closer, and you can feel the heat from his body. He presses his forehead against yours and whispers again. “Forgive me.” It’s spoken as a request, but you know he means it as a command. When his lips touch yours, you don’t care that you’re angry anymore. You kiss him back feverishly, his hands on your face, your hands clutching as his shirt.
He pulls you upright off the couch and scoops you into his arms. Sam is still standing across the room, looking both pleased for you and Dean and uncomfortable for himself. “Sammy, hey.” You say and he smiles at you. “There’s beer in the fridge and I ordered a pizza a half hour ago, it’s on the counter.” He makes a face. “There’s salad stuff in the crisper drawer too.” He grins.
Dean carries you into your room and shuts the door with his foot. “You moved the bed.” He pauses to stare around the room. “Where’s our pictures?”
You swallow hard. You had taken them all down the last time he’d left. You couldn’t bear to look at them, pictures of the two of you sitting in Baby; you, him and Sam at the bar down the street. Your favorite is one Sam took without the two of you noticing. You guys were parked by the lake and you were staring out at the water. Dean was looking at you and you almost swore you could see love for you on his face.
“I put them in the closet. I just couldn’t… Dean, I can’t-” “Shh, baby, it’s okay. I’m sorry. Forgive me, please.” He lies you on the bed and you nod at him. “I love you, Dean.” “Oh baby, I know.” He murmurs. He begins to strip and you do the same. When he lies down beside you, you can’t help but moan at the feel of his warm tanned skin against yours.
“You are so beautiful.” He whispers into your neck. “Your hair smells so good.” “I’m thinking about cutting it.” You mumble, kissing his chin. “Don’t. It’s perfect. Everything about you is…just… perfect.” You kiss him hard, pouring all your emotion into it. All the tears you’ve cried this past month, all the times you’d waken up and reached for him in the dark only to find the bed cold and yourself alone.
He senses where your thoughts are going and pulls back to look down at you. “Baby, where are you? Get out of your head, stay with me.” He urges. “I’m right here Dean. I always will be. I love you.” You whisper and you mean every word. Every time he leaves you swear you’re done, but you never mean it. He’s under your skin, a living, breathing part of you. You could never let him go.
Dean is kissing down your chest now, his mouth warm and wet on your breasts. He sucks your right nipple hard, catching it between his teeth. You moan loudly, and reach down between the two of you to take his cock in your hands. He hisses between his teeth. “Fuck yes baby.” His mouth is dipping lower and you know he’s going to taste you.
You roll on top of him quickly. He grips your hips and grinds into you, causing you to cry out, feeling his hard cock against your wet core. You lean down and kiss his chest, then bite his nipple, earning you a smack on your ass. You drift lower and take him into your mouth. Fuck he tastes good. You drift back to the first time you’d ever given him a blowjob. You two were making out in the backseat of the Impala and you could tell he wanted more, but he was afraid to push you too far. Your response had been to free him from his jeans and suck him hard. It had taken only minutes for him to come for you. You’d been addicted to it ever since.
Dean starts moaning and thrusting into your mouth, bringing you back to reality. “Baby, I don’t want to come like this. Wanna be inside you.” He protests. You take him deeper into your mouth. “Damn it.” He groans. Suddenly he’s got you around the waist and on your back. His tongue hits your clit and you scream loudly. “Oh fuck Dean!” He’s sucking it hard and fast and you can’t help but cry out. “Please, baby, please! Don’t stop! Fuck yes, Dean!” You feel your orgasm start to build. You throw your legs around his shoulders and grab his head, urging him to go faster. “Baby please! I’m gonna come! Don’t stop!” You’re begging. He loves to hear you beg.
He shifts and slips a finger inside you, finding your G-spot. That’s all it takes for you to come apart under him. You explode, screaming his name over and over like a prayer. He comes upward and thrusts into you, sending you spiraling into another orgasm. You dig your nails into his ass, urging him deeper and further into you. “Jesus baby girl, you feel so good. Love how you feel sweetheart.” He leans down and mumbles in your ear. You continue thrusting upward on his cock, loving the feel of him coming undone for you.
You know when he’s close, because he switches from sweet endearments to dirty talk every time. “Fuck yeah, your pussy’s so sweet. Gonna cum baby girl. Fuck, yes.” He groans. “Say my name, say it now.” He urges. “Dean, baby, yes. Come for me.” You shout. “Again.” He begs. “Dean, fuck, now, please. Come for me. I want to feel you come.” He’s squeezing your hips tight under his hands. He lifts upward, pulling you with him. Your legs go around his waist, your arms around his neck.
“Dean, I love you. I love you baby.” You whisper. He cries out and then comes deep inside you. His orgasm sends you into another as well, and you clutch him tight to you, whimpering. He’s moaning your name, how sexy you are, how good you feel. When he starts to come down from his orgasm, he gently lays you back on the bed and curls up beside you. He moans in contentment. “I don’t know why I ever leave this bed.” He mumbles, kissing your temple. “I don’t know why you do either, I’m pretty fucking good at this.” He laughs. “You’re the best baby.” You snuggle into him.
“I should probably check on Sam.” He says after a few minutes. “Oh God, Sam! He’s probably scarred for life.” You usually try to be quiet when he’s there, but this time you had completely forgotten he was in your kitchen. You throw on Dean’s shirt and he zips his jeans, then follows you through the house. Sam is sitting in the kitchen sipping a beer.
“So, now that the reunion’s over, will you feed us Y/N? I ate a salad, but I really want some of your chicken.” He says. “Of course Sammy. Anything you want.” You reply, leaning down to kiss his cheek. Dean frowns. “And yes baby, I’ll make a pie.” He pulls you into him and kisses you. “My dream girl, ladies and gentleman.”
The next morning you wake up and see that Dean is already in the kitchen, dressed and sipping coffee. Your heart stops. “Already?” You struggle to fight the tears forming in your eyes. “Yeah baby, I’m sorry. There’s a case in Wyoming, we’ve got to get out there right away. 3 people are already dead.” You stand still and quiet not knowing what to say. Part of you want to get on your knees and beg him to stay with you. The other part wants to slug him. Instead, you wrap your arms around his waist. “Will you be back soon?” you ask. “Soon as I can sweetheart. You know I’ll miss you the whole time I’m gone.” He replies and kisses you. You lean into him, wanting it to last forever. “Um, Dean? Car’s packed.” Sam says from behind you. You turn and hug him. “Take the leftover chicken you guys. It’ll just go to waste.” The first week Dean is gone you don’t eat or drink anything but wine. You can’t stomach food.
He kisses you again. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. And I’ll call you, okay?” he tells you. “I know. Please be safe out there. I love you.” You reply. As soon as he’s out the door you hit your knees and begin sobbing. Damn it Dean. I let you do it again.
Sam is shooting daggers at me. “Problem, Sammy?” I ask dryly. “I hate what you’re doing to Y/N. She’s probably bawling her eyes out. You’re a dick sometimes, you know that?” he snaps. I grip the steering wheel tighter to keep from smacking him.
“I told her when this started how it was going to be and she was fine with it. Not that it’s any of your business.” I reply tensely. “Dude, do you even see her? She’s lost like 20 pounds since you guys got together. Her trash can was full of empty wine bottles. She’s miserable. And did you notice her when we ate? She took like two bites of her food.”
“Sam, shut up. Now.” I tell him. “Look, all I’m saying is that she said yes in the beginning, but now maybe she can’t get out of this mess because she’s in love with you. Are you in love with her? Because if not, you need to let her go. You can’t give her what she needs and you know it. You’re being selfish by stringing her along.”
“Do you think I want this? To hurt her like this? Of course I don’t! But I can’t just let her go. She’s… she’s Y/N. I need her.” “I get that Dean, I really do.” Sam says with a sigh. “But it’s not a question of whether you need her. It’s whether or not she needs you.”
We drive the rest of the way in silence. When we get to the motel, Sam gets out of the car. “You coming? He asks. “Give me a minute.” I say.
I know he’s right. I’m screwing up Y/N’s life. I can’t be what she wants me to be; can’t be what she needs. I’ve got to end this now before I destroy her.
You’re finishing your second bottle of wine when you hear you cell ring. Glancing down, you see it’s Dean. “Hey baby, you guys make it okay?” you ask. “Yeah, we’re good. Crashing at some fleabag motel.” He replies. “I miss you.” You tell him. He sighs.
“Listen baby, we need to talk.” You can tell from his voice what’s about to happen. A rush of anger comes over you. “Over the phone Dean, really? That’s how we’re doing this?” you spit out. “I’m sorry. I just, I can’t do this anymore. I’m not what you deserve, you know I’m right. I’m no good at this. I’m no good for you.”
“God damn it Dean, who do you think you are? I’m the one who decides what I want. I choose what’s good enough for me, and I chose you.” You trail off as the tears start. “I fucking love you, Dean. Don’t do this to me, please.” You wish you were stronger, that you weren’t begging him to stop, but you couldn’t help being weak. You needed him.
“I’m so sorry sweetheart.” He makes a choking sound, and you know he’s trying not to cry too. “Fuck you Winchester. You’re the one doing this, you don’t get to cry. Don’t you fucking dare.” You hiss into the phone. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He repeats. “Please Y/N, please try to understand- ” You hang up and throw the phone across the room, then lay back on the couch crying. You’re not sobbing, these are screeching wails that sound like you’re dying inside. He didn’t mean it. I know he didn’t mean it. You keep telling yourself, but two days later when you check the mail and see your house key sitting in your mailbox you know the truth. It’s over. Dean’s gone. The realization leaves you numb inside. You might literally die without him you tell yourself. Part of you doesn’t care.
Dean is so devastated and heartbroken. He wants to save Cas, to get him back, but he doesn’t know how to do it. And the worst of all is that he knows there’s a chance that he won’t get Cas back, that he will have to see Cas die in front of him, and that scares him. Dean is scared of losing Cas and failing him.