win. lose

deep, rooted fear

Aries: powerlessness, losing a sense of their own self, never achieving their goal, losing their  flame, being seen/described as incapable and being underestimated, life being dull, plain and grey - and they are a part of it

Taurus: losing what is most important to them (materialistic/security/loved ones), never being able to expand themselves and being stuck on something they don’t want/think they don’t deserve, not reaching a higher level and worries A LOT about the future and how it might look like 

Gemini: being ‘caged’ in their own mind, being seen as stupid or of unsound mind, having no real connection to anything and anyone, being scattered and all over the place (internal), being judged for their words/intellect

Cancer: the future, never forgetting past trauma/overcoming sadness, not being able to let go, being used, showing their soft side, showing their real selves and coming out of their shell, having no home

Leo: being exposed to every flaw and insecurety they have, never being able to shine and show their true self, being lost, having no energy/optimism to go on, trusting the wrong ones too easily, not having the life they always wanted/admired

Virgo: being a failure to themselves and anyone else, losing control over their life, not being able to go on anymore, paranoia of everything that could go wrong, exposing themselves too early/easily

Libra: never finding the one, feeling no fulfillment deep within, feeling like a ghost/having no real face, not being satisfied themselves,giving too much, being hurt/forgotten, being completely alone

Scorpio: being hurt/exposed, letting the wrong ones in, (past) trauma, never healing scars, love (loving oneself and being loved), opening up, becoming the demon and the demons of the world/life, losing

Sagittarius: being trapped and caged, never being able to feel life, being exposed to their feelings and showing their caring/loving side, never being able to win (due to running away from their problems), never being truly content

Capricorn: being stuck on lower grounds, always losing, never winning, their hard built up reputation being shattered, losing what’s most important for them, inner conflicts and hidden emotions - not being able to express them and compensate for it, 

Aquarius: being the madman and not the genius they wish to be, being lost in the world, an inner standstill, having no one by their side, being alone, being judged for what they are inside, not knowing the answer/being completely hopeless

Pisces: never being able to truly love/be loved, being lost in their own mind/trauma, afraid of being hurt and used, an inner trance that they can not escape, a martyrer that is shamelessly sacrificed and will never be recognized, no understanding for their view/opinions

i say “i’m seeing a therapist” and he takes a step backwards. why he wants to know. what happened. what made me like this, basically. what was the final step that pushed me safely into the side of scary people like them.

there’s a lot i think about. like how my illnesses effect me outside of the actual symptoms. like beyond the weight there’s a second river to drown in.

i mean we don’t talk about having to stare at employment papers where they ask you to self-identify your problems. that little bead of sweat that forms when you worry - what if i don’t tell them and i need help? what if i tell them and they think i’m a risk factor? what if they won’t give me the job?

we don’t talk about the way some people act when they find out. the ones who are rude about it are one thing. but then there’s those people you thought were your friends who act like you just told them you’re infectious. who become weird and distant and suspicious like a switch flipped. like if they get to close to you, you’ll give it to them.

we learn to be okay with things we overhear on the bus but we never get used to it coming out of the mouth of the people we love. we carry this secret with us like a rotted fruit, clutching it to our bodies. we’re ashamed of our scars in front of our boss. we don’t talk about our panic attacks during lunch breaks. when the cop pulls you over “i’m disassociating” isn’t an excuse we can open the page on. when you watch people make these ranting posts about how real friends always text back, how if someone loves you, they’ll find the time to spend. success stories make other people cry with inspiration while some part of your brain is saying you can’t do that, you’re not like them. things are uglier at the bottom. you can’t explain why you can’t just make friends. you can’t write because you’re depressed but when you’re depressed you write best. you can’t eat today and no don’t ask why please. nevermind taking the train. never mind trying to be happy. never mind reading books and watching movies and wondering where exactly are people like you in hero stories. i watch a video where a man tells me that being depressed is just a mindset. when i wear all black someone remarks i look particularly emo today. it’s 2017 does anyone say emo anymore, i ask her, and she laughs, “you just look like one of those fake-depressed girls.” okay.  

i don’t tell him my therapist is actually why things don’t happen anymore. why i’m getting a handle on it. my tongue feels swollen. i feel embarrassed talking about it. in the highest twist of irony, i think of how many people know my problems anonymously on the internet. i almost spill out all my troubles onto him. instead i tell him it’s just a precaution. that i think everyone should really see a therapist, they’re brain mechanics and we all need a tune-up now and then. he relaxes.

okay. okay. i’m sorry i’m one of them.

elany  asked:

New discourse! Fake eyelashes instantly make you look dramatic. So if intense eyelashes = drama, then Keith is so dramatic bc of his eyelashes. Discuss

Ok but imagine:

A few days later:

jaden smith anime trailer highlights

  • someone losing a tennis match and shattering their racket on the ground as the title overlays
  • “she’s possessed? that sucks..”
  • “TERROR ALERT”
  • the inability to pull any information about the main character, as every new thing he is seen doing only confuses the viewer more
  • the reoccurring sheep herd of pastel-shorted assholes
  • “win? lose? we’ll all be equal in the grave.”
  • a toblerone the length of two babies
  • “I CAN SEE YOU, BITCH. YOU’RE WEARING A BLACK TUXEDO AGAINST A MIDNIGHT BLUE SKY. AND IT’S SPARKLIN’”
  • steve buscemi is in it?
  • what could the line “coco chanel, may her memory be blessed!” possibly mean?
  • “(with a little cocktail in hand) *sigh* no, I feel no synergy.”

I’m super ready for september 22nd