Dear Butch womyn, GNC womyn, detransitioned womyn, and any female struggling to accept herself and thrive in this hostile world:
You are beautiful. You are loved. You are perfect. You are feminine by nature of your female reality, and need not embellish nor shrink in order to be so. I see you. I feel you in my heart. I hope some day to meet your gaze and in that instant we will both know that there is strength and solidarity in the way we exist and take up space. I want us to hold each other sacred and dear, because there is nothing more powerful than the sisterhood we all share.
Sasha, I’m sorry for ranting to you and I’m sorry if I don’t make sense but I have no one else to talk to.
I’m a huge fan of all the boys, but I’m a brown girl, so I naturally always identified with Zayn more. I support Larry and Ziam to death, but lately I feel so bitter and that makes me feel guilty.
I feel like Larry always has it better than Ziam. Harry and Zayn are in similar situations and so are Louis and Liam, but it’s like Harry has it easier than Zayn and Louis has it easier than Liam.
Harry gets to praise the band and say he loved the music that he made and leaves the door open for coming back, even though he completely changed his sound and his image. Zayn still has the same overall image (the racist “dark and mysterious” one) but he’s the one that’s ungrateful and he’s been made to say and tweet things (that fans question from Larry but not from him…) that are really ungrateful towards the band. Harry gets to be cool with the things he says about politics even if he’s bland, while Zayn is the one made to tweet that awful thing about BLM.
We’ll see what goes on with the Tess thing because that could level the field a bit (she’s being so extra) but Gigi has been front and center for almost every single part of Zayn’s career and he had to pretend to go on vacation with both of their families for days.
Harry writes songs about sex and drugs and gets away with it because he’s white. And even more so, he gets to explain away his heterosexual songs and keep his queer fans happy, but Zayn can’t do that. Harry got to say that he didn’t write about Taylor Swift (even if the media ignored him, the fandom didn’t) but Zayn has to have people believing he truly wrote about Perald. I’m just so mad :(
Harry is doing promo and performing and he already has a tour lined up while Zayn’s team keeps canceling his gigs and interviews. Why? Why does Harry get to do all that while Zayn doesn’t? That’s why Larries get to be so disgusting because even though their situations are similar it’s like Harry can get away with things that Zayn can’t!!!!
Now he can basically say that he’s not straight, wtf??
With Louis and Liam it’s different but the same. Yeah Louis had to do so many things for his babygate but it helped people know it was fake. Liam’s team learned from Louis’ mistakes so now they’re making it so much more believable and I hate that Liam is losing his support, more and more people are starting to believe he really has a son :(
Also I’m just worried about Liam in general because Louis has Briana as his baby mama who’s disgusting and they can just blame for everything but I can’t think of even the possibility of Cheryl being blamed for stuff, so how is Liam gonna get out of this? She’ll never say that she tricked him. Elounor and Douis were both so fucking fake but even though Liard was fake as well, they had learned from Louis’ mistakes so it was made more believable, I just hate that.
Also Harry and Louis get to be in the same cities almost all the time while Liam and Zayn are separated a lot and I hate it. Why are things so much easier for Louis and Harry? Also, Louis and Harry get to stay with the same company even for the public eye while Liam and Zayn are in different ones.
I just want things to be fair :(
Whew boy. Where to begin?
I feel like Larry always has it better than Ziam. Harry and Zayn are
in similar situations and so are Louis and Liam, but it’s like Harry has
it easier than Zayn and Louis has it easier than Liam.That’s like–verfiably false. Larry has had a horrible time of it, which has been scrupulously documented. The closet has been just as brutal to them as it has to Ziam. And Harry’s solo rollout is still unfolding but imo, it sucks. From digging up Haylor to implying songs are about Kendall Jenner to slut shaming to using slang for underage girls and all the girlz, laydees, wimmin ™ bullshit in general–it’s a shitshow. As for Louis, did you miss when he was obligated to perform on XFactor days after his mom died? Come on now. Quite frankly, the unwillingness to sympathize with all of their situations is a function on immaturity. Don’t be that person.
Harry gets to praise the band and say he loved the music that he made
and leaves the door open for coming back, even though he completely
changed his sound and his image. Zayn still has the same overall image
(the racist “dark and mysterious” one) but he’s the one that’s
ungrateful and he’s been made to say and tweet things (that fans
question from Larry but not from him…) that are really ungrateful
towards the band. Harry gets to be cool with the things he says about
politics even if he’s bland, while Zayn is the one made to tweet that
awful thing about BLM.Per the official narrative, Zayn has said good things about 1D too. It’s the fans that often refuse to acknowledge that. Yes, the labels 1DHQ put on Zayn are fucked up. But so are the labels they put on Harry, like “womanizer”. I would say the bts fuckery that led to the BLM tweet is the same fuckery that led to slut shaming in one of Harry’s songs. These things are sabotage? Control tactics? Whatever they are I don’t think they are honest reflections of either of them. And one person’s “cool” in terms of Harry’s political comments are anothers dispassionate and lukewarm.
We’ll see what goes on with the Tess thing because that could level
the field a bit (she’s being so extra) but Gigi has been front and
center for almost every single part of Zayn’s career and he had to
pretend to go on vacation with both of their families for days.This is not the Oppression Olympics. A little or a lot of hetero stuntin’–it’s all wrong. They both suffer. And to use the term “level the field” is not ok. That implies you’re hoping Harry is forced to fauxmance. That’s mean.
Harry writes songs about sex and drugs and gets away with it because
he’s white. And even more so, he gets to explain away his heterosexual
songs and keep his queer fans happy, but Zayn can’t do that. Harry got
to say that he didn’t write about Taylor Swift (even if the media
ignored him, the fandom didn’t) but Zayn has to have people believing he
truly wrote about Perald. I’m just so mad :(Define “get away with it”? From where I sit, people are debating and discussing Harry’s lyrical content quite critically. Just because some excuse it, doesn’t mean there isn’t any fallout. And please consider that Harry is trying to explain his way out of lyrics and questions deliberately posed to him that are not of his choosing. The press implies certain songs are about Taylor or Kendall or Perrie or Gigi but you’ve never heard that come from Harry or Zayn, sooooo…again are they not in the same boat?
Harry is doing promo and performing and he already has a tour lined
up while Zayn’s team keeps canceling his gigs and interviews. Why? Why
does Harry get to do all that while Zayn doesn’t? That’s why Larries get
to be so disgusting because even though their situations are similar
it’s like Harry can get away with things that Zayn can’t!!!!When’s the last time Zayn canceled an interview or performance? For now, the narrative has shifted and so far it looks like he will perform in Japan. Why was he sabotaged? I’ve said a million times before that I think it’s punishment for his role is causing the relationship between 1D and 1DHQ to break down. I think he was the loudest critic, along with Louis. And he, along with Louis, also turned their good boys, Liam and Harry, against 1DHQ.
Now he can basically say that he’s not straight, wtf??Harry hasn’t said that and 1DHQ would not allow it. That said, you’re not entitled to a declaration from Zayn or anyone else.
With Louis and Liam it’s different but the same. Yeah Louis had to do
so many things for his babygate but it helped people know it was fake.
Liam’s team learned from Louis’ mistakes so now they’re making it so
much more believable and I hate that Liam is losing his support, more
and more people are starting to believe he really has a son :(This is totally a matter of your perception that babygate 2.0 is more believable. I don’t think it is. Just because they haven’t committed the same kind of staging fails doesn’t mean the whole thing still isn’t sketchy as hell. You’ve set the bar too low. And Louis did get dragged for babygate, Douis, Elounor 2.0, etc. Fans go after whoever isn’t their fave. All they need is any kind of excuse. That pettiness is on y’all.
Also I’m just worried about Liam in general because Louis has Briana
as his baby mama who’s disgusting and they can just blame for everything
but I can’t think of even the possibility of Cheryl being blamed for
stuff, so how is Liam gonna get out of this? She’ll never say that she
tricked him. Elounor and Douis were both so fucking fake but even though
Liard was fake as well, they had learned from Louis’ mistakes so it was
made more believable, I just hate that.Louis and Liam are in the exact same boat rn as far as the babygates. So what are you bent outta shape about? Endgame? There’s no endgame in sight atm for either of them. Also you need to give less fucks about what other people believe. You have no control over that and you’re giving it too much energy in that you’re letting it upset you.
Also Harry and Louis get to be in the same cities almost all the time
while Liam and Zayn are separated a lot and I hate it. Why are things
so much easier for Louis and Harry? Also, Louis and Harry get to stay
with the same company even for the public eye while Liam and Zayn are in
Again, official narrative-wise, that is verifiably false. Both couples have to do the public separation thing. They’re probably together more often than the official narrative implies. All of them strategically go off the grid.I don’t understand the same companies thing. Are you talking about Sony? And big picture time: What does that matter?? It doesn’t.
Wow. For addressing this entire screed…
But don’t be sorry. I think you feel the way a lot of the fandom thinks. So it’s good to address it.
Me: Hey, so glad Wonder Woman is doing so well in theaters! Hooray for the DCEU! I hope they make more success in the futu-
DCEU fans: That’s right, you ugly stinky MCU fans! We have wimmin! We have POC! It would’ve taken you 500 billion years to make a Wimmin Hero Film and it would’ve been with ScarJo being all dumb and pouty and snarky! You’re always so gross and formulatic and booooorrriiiinggg!!!! ONly dumb ugly people like Marvel!
months ago, I talked about Milady and the cure of misogyny in Dumas’ novel.
Well. The novel was written 170 years ago, i.e. in the dark ages when women, as
we know, had no rights whatsoever and were oppressed and abused all the time. Fortunately
things are very different now, and, as the Musketeers cast & crew have
claimed more than once, their well-rounded female characters reflect that. That’s
why BBC Milady has got a more complex characterisation and storyline than book
Milady (including a beautifully crafted ambiguous rape backstory).
This post has
been triggered by something that popped up on my dash the other day, namely: Why do people bash Aramis for his s2 shenanigans while defending Milady,
who is an assassin and has killed people and whose actions are therefore worse than Aramis’?
sure if I’m not perhaps stating the bloody obvious here, but: Aramis has killed
people. Aramis has very, very much killed people. Killing people is what he
does for a living. He has killed more people than Milady. I would have thought
it was obvious – it’s not exactly blink-and-you-miss-it moments – but perhaps it really
needs to be pointed out explicitly that Aramis has, in fact, killed people.
the morality of characters based on the killing they commit in a show where the four lead characters are in the killing
profession strikes me as rather odd. Why the fuck do people keep saying that Milady
needs redemption for the killings she committed while the musketeers do not?
apply the “killing people is bad” standard to Milady – why do you not apply it to the musketeers?
musketeers are only doing their job.”
So is Milady. In s1, she was working for the First Minister
of France. She was not the hired muscle of a mobster. Legally, her actions were
backed by governmental authority, in the same way that the musketeers’ were.
Cardinal was morally shady.”
King was not? Is the King inherently more moral than the Cardinal, and
therefore the people who kill on the King’s behalf are good, whereas people who
kill on the Cardinal’s behalf are evil?
musketeers’ job was to kill on behalf of the king. Milady’s job was to kill on
behalf of the Cardinal. Both were governmental jobs. HOW is it that only Milady needs redemption?
inherent morality of the musketeers’ killings vs. the inherent evilness of
Milady’s killings is one of the greatest failings of this show. It’s also one
of the greatest failings of the novel.
It is also
one of the greatest failings of society that this sort of double standard is widely
accepted and that audiences swallow it without questioning it in the slightest.
earth are Aramis’ killings inherently more moral than Milady’s? Because he
works for the King and that’s better?
Because most people he kills are nameless mooks? If the victim having a name is
the benchmark for good vs. evil killings, Rochefort’s killing of the prostitute
was fine: she too was nameless.
And after 20
episodes of slaughtering mooks, Aramis, of all people, has the fucking gall to
tell Milady: “You shouldn’t treat death so lightly.” Fucking hypocrite. Stab
him in the eye, you stupid woman. Do not let him patronise and belittle you.
anyone starts to explain to me how the musketeers are “protecting the weak and
innocent”: the overall problem with all this is that their killings are always
framed by the narrative as the “right” thing to do, no matter if they are
on behalf of the King and France, i.e. as soldiers with law on their side
against the law, e.g. in The Exiles,
where they act in their private capacity and are interfering with what is
legally right, namely putting the legal heir on the throne
legally in the right – e.g. as soldiers they can’t help killing Spaniard when they’re
at war with Spain. Or they’re morally right – yes, they break the law, but it’s
only because they’re good people and the law is wrong. This is a horrible syllogism:
they musketeer are good -> therefore they only kill evil people -> therefore
everyone they killed must have been evil and deserved to die. The narrative always
protects them from the unpleasant moral implications of the killings they
The narrative does not extend the same courtesy to Milady, who has to
justify what she does over and over again and who is required to redeem
musketeers are protected even if they commit accidental and objectively wrong
killings, like Aramis in The Good Traitor where he screws up due to Baby Brain Melt, several bystanders die and Porthos is injured; not to mention that his actions in s2 lead to Marguerite’s suicide. And also
Athos, who hanged his wife without a trial. He did not uphold the law then. He broke the law. But in those cases both
men were totally sad ‘cos of bebby and ‘cos of heartbreak, so we’ll just let it go.
the novel, the show thus keeps up the proud patriarchal tradition of framing
the male characters’ killings as justified; it’s what men do, it’s their job, boys
will be boys and all that, also historical accuracy. While Milady is a)
described as “evil” by the actress who plays her (with the caveat that there is
a vulnerability to her and that she’s not beyond redemption) and b) required to
redeem herself for her sins. And we are expected not to mind. And indeed many
people don’t mind. That’s really
broken down the killings per episode as performed by Aramis and Milady
respectively, for s1. Am I forgetting any of Milady’s killings? But even if I am,
Aramis killed more people by far.
I am not teaching at Entranced this year, but I am very excited to be helping @daja-the-hypnokitten with a femme-led, femme-empowering mentor trance practice session on Saturday at 3:45. We encourage all women, girls, grrls, ladies, wimmins, and femme-identified or -leaning folks to come, hang out, learn, bounce ideas off each other, and put some motherfuckers into trance. (Men and more masculine-identified folks are welcome as invited practice subjects only.)
As a woman who didn’t meet another female hypnotist for YEARS, I’m really pleased to have been asked to help with this. I’m especially eager to see you there if you are a new hypnotist, if you’re an introvert, if you’re primarily a sub/subject, or if you feel like you could use a confidence boost. (You can do this. I promise.) In the words of our great ancestress Pat Collins, “Just relax and appreciate what your mind can do ”. I hope to see you there!
On Saturday morning at 10:45, I’ll be demo-subjecting for @sex-obsessed-lesbian’s Setting Your Subjects Up for Success group. I’m excited- I’ve heard nothing but glowing reviews for previous versions of this class. SOL has a wonderful, cooperative approach to hypnosis that will leave you with happy, engaged subjects- it’s a great opportunity to learn from her.
Finally, on Saturday evening I’ll be reading one of @erogenousmind’s pieces for Hysterical Literature. Come watch me blush, stammer, and lose my ladylike composure in front of an audience of you lovely people.
Last night my love and I went to a release party for the newest issue of Sinister Wisdom (#98 Landykes of the South). We went hungry for connection and community with our Lesbian Separatist elders, bolstered by our experiences at Fest and eager to learn. We hoped there would be other young womyn to bond with who still valued Female-Only and Separatist space.
Listening to the Crones recount their years of being Landykes living on and from and intimately with the land was an incredible experience. We heard about the ingenious ways that they figured out funding to purchase their land, and the cottage industries they set up to fund the minimal monetary needs of womyn on the land. One womon spoke of her life traveling and documenting wimmin’s lands, and how she finally came to put down roots right outside of Our Town. In the 70′s and 80′s, prior to electronic communication, it was common for our Dyke foremothers to just drop in on each other and travel from land to land to help out where they could and where they were needed. They spoke of beginning to see portraits of themselves in the bark of trees and the ways they worked to share their knowledge with every sister that asked for it. There was open discussion of the struggles and difficulties of the Landyke life, but every womon’s eyes sparkled with joy and laughter broke out often as they remembered their lives on the land.
We found our community, although we will be the youngest by almost two decades. There are Lesbian-only writers groups, and Lesbian potlucks, and they all get together for holidays, and there are frequent parties. The womyn tentatively asked us if we were Lesbians, and were surprised and relieved when we responded so enthusiastically that yes, yes we are. They no doubt expected us to be curious onlookers from the queer community, and we heard from several of them that none of the young ones call themselves lesbians any more. We all know this to be too true. The way to combat this is to join with our elders and begin to build a community for our younger sisters to be able to relate to and come to. We must take the pride and strength we feel from being Dykes and Amazons and Separatists and wear it on our chests as much as we are possibly able. We must give our cause positive representation.
It is important to seek out your Crones. Find out where they will be, and go there. Listen to them with respect and intention. Ask them where you can fit in to help strengthen our Lesbian community and keep our proud herstory alive. It is up to us now, and it is time for us to step up. I say this especially to my Fest Sisters, or any sisters who support the Intention and Female-Only space: you must go to them now. They need us as much as we need them, and it has become urgent that we find each other and begin to work together.
In Defense of Hoejabis, Bangjabis & Other "Slutty" Hijabis
A couple of months ago, I shared an article on my Facebook page about ‘Hijabi Hipsters’; a new generation of hijabis who fuse fashion with faith by wearing stylish hijab-friendly outfits.
“Wow, that sounds like you!” One of my friends noted. Most of the other people in the thread seemed to agree with him. His comment made me smile. Although I wouldn’t consider myself a hijabster, I was glad my friends thought I was stylish.
yay!! me trying hard to look fancy. I love maxi skirts <3
Then, it happened.
The negative comments started pouring in.
“Umm…isn’t the point of a hijab to be modest and not attract attention to yourself?” My male atheist friend remarked.
“Yea, I have met girls who wear a hijab with tight jeans and it just doesn’t make sense. How is that even modest?” My female non-religious Hindu friend chimed in.
“You can’t wear that with a hijab. It still attracts boys. She is beautifying her face.” My male Muslim friend offered.
Soon the entire thread took a dramatic turn and went from praising hijabis for being modest yet stylish to bashing “hoe-jabis” for making a mockery off an important religious symbol by wearing “slutty” clothes in the name of modesty.
& throughout this entire encounter, I sat next to my computer screen, a cup of hot Kashmiri chai in my hand, wondering when I will finally get a chance to live without having to justify my attire to every single person I interact with on a daily basis.
no. fuck you. don’t tell me what to wear. I’ve never seen a hijabi wear something like that anyway.
Earlier this year I discovered the Youtube channel of a black Jewish girl who was mocking hijabis for wearing jeans with a headscarf. “Jewish girls are more modest than Muslim ones!” She argued, “we wear skirts!”
Across the globe, thousands of hijabis sighed in unison.
I’ve also heard many Muslim non-hijabi women remark, “Just because you wear a hijab doesn’t make you more modest. What is the point of wearing one if you have a boyfriend or you wear tight clothes?”
This is in defense of every single girl who has gotten told her clothes are not “hijab-friendly”. This is for every single person who thinks (s)he has the right to tell hijabis what they can and can’t wear.
I became what Muslim women call a “permanent hijabi” at age 18. Before that, I had a rocky relationship with the garment I chose to wear at age 10 to school only. I was the first female in my family to start wearing it. I had no guidance whatsoever. No one told me I couldn’t wear short sleeves with a hijab, for example, so I proceeded to do just that until I got called out for it at age 14.
Since I lived alone and didn’t interact with Muslims (especially hijabis) on a daily basis, I wore all kinds of “inappropriate” clothes with my hijab: short skirts, short sleeved shirts, tight skin-hugging pants, etc.
It wasn’t until I started living with my aunt (who started wearing a hijab by then) that I finally realized the hijab was more than just a cloth you wear on your head. It was an entire lifestyle that you couldn’t just put on and off as you pleased.
Here’s what I wish people understood about “hoe-jabis”:
Most of them are confused. They most likely don’t live with or around other hijabis so they have no idea what really counts as “modest” since different people have different perceptions of modesty. For example, in my school where all girls wore crop tops and booty shorts, my knee length skirt with thick black tights and loose knee high boots were really modest in comparison.
They might be experiencing a change of heart. Often times, hijabi girls stop covering their hair for a multitude of reasons. Usually the transition starts with them wearing more “inappropriate” clothes. Once you start wearing the hijab, it’s hard to take it off. It literally makes you feel like you’re walking around naked. That’s why many hijabis use that as a stepping stone so when they are ready to finally take it off, they feel more comfortable doing it.
They might be wearing a hijab for reasons other than modesty. It is not uncommon at all to meet a Muslim girl who wears a hijab to make a political statement. I’ve also met cancer patients who wear headscarves once they start losing their hair due to chemotherapy.
They are tired of your shit. Seriously. Think about how hard it is to be a hijabi. You take shit from Islamophobes who are more likely to attack you than any other group of Muslims, from white feminists who keep telling you that you’re oppressing your own self for choosing to dress a certain way, from people of other religious groups who judge you on your “fake” modesty, from pervs who fetishize you, from misogynistic Muslims who try to police your behavior and choice of attire, & from other hijabis who judge you on your style…They don’t need you and your bullshit opinions. So please, for the love of pizza, shut the hell up.
They are humans too and are thus not exempt from making mistakes. Seriously. Hijab-malfunctions exist. Sometimes the way you step out of your house is not the way you end up looking like halfway through the day.
So please, spare me that BS about hoe-jabis, bang-jabis and “slutty” hijabis. Most of the “slutty” hijabis I met were just girls who got exploited by men who fetishized them (teh M0zlem wimmin r forbiddun fr00t!”). It’s disgusting that you would even use those gendered slurs to refer to them (or any other woman for that matter).
If you are a hijabi who is really interested in helping a girl out, guide her towards fashion bloggers like Amenakin, saimasmileslike and nabiilabee who manage to wear 100% Sharia-approved clothes and still look bitchin’…or towards actual Muslim sources written by scholars explaining what a hijab is and what the rules are for wearing one.
for all my fellow hijabis <3
& remember, folks, if you yourself are not a hijabi, please take a seat and shut the fuck up.
Hijabis do not exist for you to mock, criticize or fetishize. We are not “forbidden fruit” or hypersexual oriental beauties who are ladies on the street but freaks between the sheets. We sure as hell aren’t repressed creatures who need orientalist men to come and “save” us by sexually exploiting us.