It’s selfie-sunday, I suppose. So, I thought I’d take the chance to show off some pictures from my little vacation with 2 out of 3 of my besties. My friend Cailin came down all the way from MN to see Hanson with me. I miss her already and she’s only been gone for less than a day. That’s me and her at the Hanson concert up top.

The second picture is me with my best friend Marcus, pictured as Willa Wonka in this picture, pushing me into his well padded breasts last night. My face is so red because I’d been drinking.

Willy Wonka is Satan Theory.

Okay I don’t believe this its just a dumb theory, but just hear me out. What if the middle aged man who is Wonka (Satan)  runs an underground chocolate factory (HELL) to give the world tasty chocolate which has forbidden secrets and strange magical technology. A factory where nobody ever comes in and nobody ever comes out. 

Hes in charge of this entire world and uses Oompa-loompas (demons) to help with his factory. They sing about not eating the evil chocolate when they poor sugar in the river that could eventually kill you.  

(If you are wise, you’ll listen to me 
What do you get when you guzzle down sweets? 
Eating as much as an elephant eats 
What are you at getting terribly fat? 
What do you think will come of that? 

Cough cough DEATH!


Plus all the kids end up dying in the film besides Charlie. Not really but you have thought about it I know you have…

Wonka sees the world of possibilities, imagination and achievements from your own creations. He is looking for a dreamer to mislead him to continue his works and thats Charlie. Charlie in all honestly just wanted money to feed his family. He didn’t want to live in a rut. Yet Charlie would have still been happy without getting a golden ticket. Fuck maybe he would of gotten more money by one day owning that newspaper stand who knows!?

Wonka hires Slugworth to go to all the kids to see if they would snitch his evil secrets. If anyone did tell about his secrets they would go to Slugworth first. Who said he would give them a lot of money. The weird part was Slugworth was there in seconds to each kid before some even telling the public about it. What is he a god damn ghost?

 So Wonka sets in fate with a random drawing of a golden ticket knowing probably he will get one he wants. They were all sinister kids. A greedy over eater, a greedy money hog bitch, a greedy nit wit chewer, and a greedy influenced kid by TV which the Oompa-loompas say give you an iq of three. How come in the world there aren’t people like Charlie Bucket??Yet these are all of WONKAS customers! Wonka is aware of this yet he doesn’t care cause he makes the chocolate. He makes the gum. He makes the golden egg. He makes the TV. Its all fucked up. HIS CREATIONS FUCK UP KIDS!!! So there you have it. Don’t forget the evil boat ride either.


Find this so inspirational, and Gene Wilder was always the best.