will.i.am shakespeare

How fun is LANGUAGE?

WHAT PHRASES SHOULD MEAN.

‘You couldn’t get laid in a brothel!’ - You have very little/no money.

'Unexpected item in the bagging area.’ - I have found a lump on my testicle.

'Don’t leave your baggage unattended.’ - Attend therapy 

'Just shoot me.’ - Take the photo, I am growing impatient.

'Don’t shit where you eat’. - Don’t shit the bed.

'Don’t shit the bed.’ - Don’t shit where you eat.

'Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.’ - Don’t bite your own hand, when you’re in bed, eating all the food.


WHO SAID THEM FIRST?

“I want my mum!” - Oedipus. 

“How do you like them apples?” - God, banishing Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden

“Time to turn over a new leaf.” - Adam and Eve changing their underwear.

“The gloves are off!” - Guy who eats gloves but left them out of the fridge for too long.

“New year, new me.” - The Calendar.

“Danger is my middle name.” - Franklin D. Roosevelt.

“I’ve got a lot of making up to do.” - Fiction writer.

“Do one!” - Danny Dyer telling you to leave/The Queen telling you to have sex with her.

“It’s payback time.” - Student Loans Company (In a letter to Rhys James, 2012)

“Keep your friends’ coats but your enemy’s coaster” - Party goer. (Note: This phrase was later mistranslated)

“Is this a swagger I see before me?” - Will.I.Am Shakespeare

“We shall not be moved!” - Men watching a sad film in front of other men.

“Look mum, no hands!” - Smug amputee


HOMOPHONIC PEOPLE HATE GAZE

“Your mum!” - Good way to insult your friends.
“You’re mum!” - Good way to identify your mum.

“There there” - Good way to console people
“They’re there” - Good way to point people out
“Their they’re” - Good way to prove you’re stupid. 


POPSTAR FACTS

Lou Reed invented toilet books. 

Gladys Knight is always so relieved when it gets dark out.

Pitbull fans get a bad rap.