Insecurity | Part Six
Word Count: 1.988
Warnings: lots of swearing
A/N: is this the end? or not? mhhh
He was quick in jumping forward and moving Yoongi aside, cupping your face with his hands and placing his soft lips onto yours. A gasped escaped your lips from the shock and the butterflies immediately erupted in your stomach. Your legs started to get soft when a picture of Yoongi flashed into your mind and you let out a scream, placing both of your hands onto Jungkook’s chest, pushing him off you.
“What the fuck Jungkook?!”, Yoongi screamed at him, grabing him by his collar and giving the younger boy another push. “Are you out of your fucking mind?? What the hell is wrong with you?”
You had never seen him so angry. Jungkook still seemed light-headed and stared at you with big eyes, not even realizing that Yoongi was about to beat the living crap out of him.
“I love you”, he whispered before Yoongi punched him right in his face, making you scream out again.
“Yoongi, no!”, you pulled him back and you saw tears well up in his eyes. His hands were shaking and his breathing went heavily. Gently, you started stroking his hands, trying to pull him close to you but he wouldn’t move.
“How dare you kiss (Y/N)? After everything she just told. After everything she confessed to you. After everything you made her go through!”, he was screaming at his dongsaeng and if you weren’t holding his hands, he would have punched him again. You felt his hands clench under yours and you noticed how he bit his cheek, trying to avoid to let out any emotions that weren’t pure anger.
“Yoongi…”, you begged. “Let’s just go.”
“No, no”, Jungkook shook his head and came closer but Yoongi was faster this time, freeing himself from your touch and pushing the maknae back, so that he slammed against the wall.
“Back off”, Yoongi said through gritted teeth, seeming incredibly strong and powerful with all that anger boiling inside of him.
“(Y/N) I beg you please don’t just leave me here like this”, Jungkook cried out. “Didn’t you feel it, too? When we kissed it- it felt like home. You’re my home (Y/N).”
His voice broke and you couldn’t help but start crying at his words. “Jungkook, you’re so manipulative. I can’t. I can’t deal with you any longer. Yoongi, please just let us go”, you let out a small whimper and avoided Jungkook’s gaze that was burning into your skin with tears streaming down his face.
Yoongi’s eyes were fixated on Jungkook, analyzing every single movement. “I swear, if you touch (Y/N) again, I’ll fucking kill you”, was all he said before grabbing your hand and leading you out of the studio. He slammed the door behind him shut and you could hear Jungkook crash onto the floor and cry out, loud and painful sobs echoing through the studio walls.
Your grip around Yoongi’s hand tightened as you started sobbing. He pulled you closer, so he could wrap his arm around you while navigating you to his dorm. This would be a tough day for both of you.
Yoongi was leading you up the stair case when all of a sudden you heard a female voice coming from their open apartment door and both of you froze. This couldn’t be her. The boys knew what was going on between the four of you, they wouldn’t let her inside, would they?
“Yoongi”, you whispered under sobs, as he gently stroke your back.
“Shh (Y/N), it’s alright. I’ll kick her out if it’s necessary and we’ll figure everything else later out, okay?”, you nodded at his soothing words and kept walking into the boys’ apartment, holding onto him.
As you two stepped into the dorm, all chatter died and six pairs of eyes were on you. Five of them, looking shocked and worried as they knew they had made a mistake for letting her inside of their apartment while one of them had no idea who you were, smiling politely at you.
“Hi, my name’s Ji Eun”, the clueless one spoke while holding out her hand for you to shake it. You just stared at her, tears running down your face and your heart pounding painfully against your chest. It was her. The girl that had caused all the pain, was standing right in front of you. Smiling happily, as if she hadn’t destroyed your whole life.
Hurriedly, you gulped and hesitantly shook her hand. “I’m (Y/N)”, you whispered, avoiding all eye contact. She was already making you lose your self-confidence without actually looking at her. Ji Eun’s simple presence made you feel insecure.
“Nice to meet you (Y/N)! Are you close friends with Jungkook?”, she furrowed her eyebrows. “Your name sounds so familiar. I feel like he talked about you several times…”
Everyone could practically feel how all the air drenched out of the room and all eyes widened in shock. Nobody knew how you’d react to that innocent comment, not even you. Your relationship with Jungkook had been hidden from everyone except for Bangtan, their managers and your family.
Your jaw slightly dropped and Yoongi pulled you closer, ready to get you into his bedroom but you stayed stiff and didn’t move. Your eyes finally locked with hers, finding real curiosity in them.
“Sort of”, you mumbled. “But that’s in the past.”
Ji Eun looked at you confused. “Are you sure about that?”, and before you could even answer, her face suddenly lit up as if she remembered where she knew your name from.
“Of course! Every time I’d try to get closer to him, he’d randomly start talking about you as if you were his girlfriend or something”, she laughed and gently held a hand in front of her mouth. “I mean of course you’re not his girlfriend, I see the way you two are holding onto each other”, she signaled between Yoongi and you. “But I swear, he’d get all flustered and shy but also somehow proud while talking about you. It was really weird.”
Your breathing started to shorten and you felt a lump form in your throat. Your fingers started tugging at Yoongi’s shirt who had avoided talking at all. His look was fixated on you, not even swerving to his band mates. Immediately he maneuvered you around IU, opening his bedroom door and locking it behind him. You crashed down onto his bed, letting all the tears and sobs out that were bottling up inside of you from the minute you had seen IU. Yoongi climbed next to you onto the bed and stayed silent, gently stroking over your head.
After what felt like ours of silence which was only interrupted by your sounds of sadness, you felt like there were no more tears left to cry and no more screams to be let out. The rest of Bangtan hadn’t disturbed you any further, hushing IU out of the apartment and staying silent the rest of the day. Jungkook hadn’t gotten home and nobody went out to look for him. They all guessed that he needed time for himself.
Carefully you sat up, facing Yoongi who had been crying himself which you hadn’t noticed. Again, he was treating you like you were his world while you were only focused on yourself. How can he love me so much when I’m always being so selfish?, you thought to yourself, feeling your heart clench.
You looked at him and gently pulled him into a tight hug, burying your face in the crook of his neck. His hands landed on your waist, holding you tight as if his life depended on it. You stayed like that for a couple of minutes until you heard his raspy voice speak.
“I thought I’d lose you. I thought, you’d go right back to him, the second you saw him standing there, fighting for you”, his voice broke and you could feel his chest shaking. He was trying to hold back the tears that wouldn’t stop falling. “I saw the look on your face. I saw all the hope you had and all the love you still have left for him. I saw it all and I was so sure that you’d give in to him. That he’d only have to say those three words for you to go back. Why did you choose me?”
His voice was broken and so was your heart. He went through just as much heart break as you did. Just that all of that happened right in front of his eyes and he had nobody to hold onto, like you did.
Lifting your head to look into his eyes, you placed your hands on each sides of his face, gently caressing it and wiping his tears away. “I was so close to losing myself again, I’m not going to lie. I hoped, he’d have a rational explanation for everything that would make it easy for me to forgive him. I hoped that it would all make sense and that it was all just a big misunderstanding.”
Yoongi’s eyes closed at your words and you felt his jaw clench underneath your fingers. But you continued.
“When I saw him, all these memories kept flowing back into my mind. All the good but also all the bad ones. His hug reminded me of our happy times together and his smell was somehow comforting”, your voice drifted off.
“Then why are you leaving him (Y/N)?”, Yoongi whispered, almost inaudible. “Why am I the one sitting here with you and not him?”
“Because his words were nothing but manipulative ways on trying to get me back.” You smiled at him and tilted your head a little bit to the side. “ And because he’s not you.”
Yoongi’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped slightly before he caught himself and quickly closed it. You let out a small chuckle. “What do you mean, he’s not me? Wasn’t that the reason, you couldn’t forget him all this time?”, his shaking voice questioned.
You nodded. “I was too obsessed with the thought that only Jungkook could make me feel happy again. But earlier today in the studio I noticed something.”
Yoongi raised one eyebrow at you, softly stroking your sides. “He used to make me happy. He used to be the only one who could make me smile again when I had a rough day or felt extra bad. He used to be the one for me and I couldn’t let go of that thought. But then you came along. And I realized that with you, I smiled even wider than I ever did with Jungkook. With you I could be myself and not be judged. With you I didn’t need to feel insecure about myself as soon as you talked about some female idol because you always showed me that I was the one for you. Nobody else could compare to that.”
A soft smile spread on his lips as his tears finally dried out completely. “I noticed that you were so different from Jungkook, and I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Whenever you came into my mind I immediately smiled. But as soon as Jungkook came into my mind, I was confused. That feeling made me think that I was not only confused about Jungkook and his actions but also you, when there was no reason for that. I didn’t know what I actually wanted, not until Jungkook attacked me with his lips”, you breathed out.
Yoongi’s hands balled into fists and you heard him hiss under his breath. A soft chuckle escaped your lips. “Don’t be mad, at least I finally understood what was really going on inside of me.”
“Which is?”, Yoongi questioned, still a little bit unsure if he was interpreting the right things into your words.
“That I only want your lips on mine and nobody else’s”, you grinned and he leaned forward to press his smirking lips onto yours.