“Even though a lot of crazy things are going on around us, I honestly don’t think it’s been that hard to stay down to earth. I look around me and I can see how people could get carried away, because if you lived completely in the fame bubble you could end up thinking you’re the greatest thing ever. I almost feel a bit sorry for people whose lives get completely taken over by it, because I can see how hard it would be to stay grounded.” 

So, um. Someone mentioned Hanzo/McCree/Lucio.

[Unrelated, but did you know that the trans man Hanzo fic I wrote for you has more notes than any fic I’ve ever written on my own blog? I’m not even mad, I’m flattered as frick]

* * *

It had been a good night, all things considered; Lucio was pleasantly drunk, his skin buzzing but his stomach still settled, and he’d managed to talk people other than himself and Tracer into trying out the karaoke machine. He’d more than earned his right to slump on the sofa, feet propped up on the cluttered coffee table - now more of an empty cans and wine bottles table than anything else - and doze lightly without committing to sleep.

That being the case, he felt a little cranky when his bout of laziness was interrupted by McCree and Hanzo bursting into the room, taking turns hushing each other far too loudly as they snuck over to the sofa. It wasn’t a particularly good effort at sneaking either, Hanzo accidentally kicking a can over and McCree bumping his hip against Lucio’s as he settled down, but they seemed to think Lucio was still asleep, and Lucio was happy to pretend the same.

At least, he was happy to pretend the same until the lip smacking started.

Lucio had taken McCree and Hanzo’s relationship for an open secret, given they never talked about it or made any real effort to hide the long stares and lingering touches, but there was open and there was… making out right next to his supposedly unconscious self.

So that was one bet with Tracer he’d won.

Lucio opened his eyes just a fraction to assess the damage, and tensed when he realised that they were far from just kissing; Hanzo’s clothes were open to the waist, McCree’s hands palming his chest, thumbs rubbing circles around Hanzo’s nipples, and Hanzo’s hands were preoccupied with McCree’s belt.

Lucio closed his eyes hurriedly, but it felt as if his ears were trying to make up for the lack of something to watch, picking up on the sounds of buckles and zippers and shifting cloth, and then something a lot filthier.

To their credit, McCree and Hanzo weren’t groaning and grunting their way through it all, but listening to skin on skin, wet kisses, and muffled gasps had a certain effect, and Lucio couldn’t help but tense up further, squirming as his cock hardened.

Hanzo let out a particularly breathy gasp, and Lucio couldn’t help but look to see what had caused it, found McCree’s hands cupping Hanzo’s now bared ass, and Hanzo’s pumping McCree’s cock.

Hanzo’s eyes met his, and after a moment of shock, and Lucio licking his lips without thinking, Hanzo’s expression turned hungry.

Hanzo let go of McCree’s cock and stood up, stepping out of what remained of his clothes before climbing into Lucio’s own lap, a solid, warm, delicious weight, and kissing him.

Alcohol still hung heavy and sweet on Hanzo’s breath, and Lucio almost felt guilty for the kiss, except that Hanzo had coordination enough to peel off Lucio’s gloves with ease without breaking that kiss.

Hanzo pulled away all too soon, climbing back onto McCree’s lap, but he took Lucio with him this time; he kept hold of one of Lucio’s hands, brought it with him, and wrapped it around McCree’s cock, practically drooling at the sight.

“You have the best fucking ideas,” McCree said, low and quiet, and Lucio watched a fleeting smile catch Hanzo’s lips before McCree started kissing him again.

Lucio hadn’t jerked off another guy in months, but it was easy enough to figure out what McCree liked and what he didn’t; there was nothing quiet or secretive about him now, even if half his groans and mutterings were lost against Hanzo’s lips, and Lucio was enjoying the view far too much to even think about being jealous.

The view only got better when McCree nudged Hanzo’s thighs apart enough to let him get spit-slick fingers between them, and Hanzo keened like he’d never been touched there before, even if the way he took McCree’s fingers made it pretty damn clear that he had.

Lucio shifted to kneel so he could get a better grip of McCree’s cock and an even better view of their kissing, and even if this much participation would have been enough for him, he nearly came in his pants when Hanzo decided to grope him through them.

“Let me just -” Lucio stammered out quickly, freeing his hands just long enough to shove his pants down before he started jerking McCree off again, and when Hanzo grabbed him again, bare, calloused hands on Lucio’s cock -

Well, he hadn’t been expecting any of this, and didn’t feel he could be blamed for coming all over Hanzo’s fingers without warning.

Hanzo pushed him away surprisingly gently, wrapped his come-slick fingers around McCree’s cock before lifting himself up and guiding McCree inside him.

He might have come only seconds before, but Lucio’s cock still gave an interested twitch in response.

When Hanzo and McCree finished up, Lucio half expected to be kicked off the sofa so they could cuddle in peace, but no; McCree dug a packet of wet wipes out from his coat pocket and shared them out, and in between dressing each other, made sure Lucio looked as respectable as he could under the circumstances too.

“Thanks for sharing the sofa, kid,” McCree said with a wink before giving Hanzo a firm slap on the ass, Hanzo giving a glare in response that reassured Lucio he really was dealing with the two of them, and not some bizarre variety of sex robot spies.

“We would appreciate your discretion,” Hanzo said, the words stiff, but their delivery surprisingly soft. Lucio scratched the back of his neck and shrugged, grinning.

“Sure. It’s, uh. My pleasure.”

Hanzo gave a quick, tight smile before taking McCree’s hand and walking off, presumably to one of their bedrooms, leaving Lucio to curl up on the sofa once again.


That had happened.

He figured collecting that bet with Tracer really wasn’t worth it.

YOU MUST TELL ME WHO YOU ARE OR AT LEAST UR TUMBLR I FEEL SO BAD THAT IM TAKING UR NOTES!!!!!!!!!!!!……..i lost it at mccree saying you have the best ideas i got rekt so hard at that part god….thank you for the submission 🙏🙏🙏