will-durst

The Leftovers returns Sunday, October 4

Official synopsis:

After last season’s elaborate Memorial Day initiative by the Guilty Remnant plunged Mapleton into chaos, season two of The Leftovers finds many searching for a fresh start. Kevin Garvey (Justin Theroux) has retired from his post as chief of police of Mapleton and is moving his new family to Texas. With him is Nora Durst (Carrie Coon), who’s discovered new purpose in caring for the baby she found on Kevin’s doorstep and welcomes leaving behind Mapleton and the incredible tragedy she suffered there. Equally eager to leave the town she grew up in and the friends she made there is Kevin’s daughter, Jill (Margaret Qualley).

Upon their arrival in Jarden, Texas, the newly formed Garvey family meet their neighbors, the Murphys: John (Kevin Carroll) and Erika (Regina King) and their teenage twins, Evie (Jasmin Savoy Brown) and Michael (Jovan Adepo). Attracted to this special town and hoping for miracles for his whole family, Matt Jamison (Christopher Eccleston) has moved with his wife, Mary (Janel Moloney), who still suffers from consequences of the terrible car accident on October 14.

Meanwhile, Kevin’s ex-wife, Laurie Garvey (Amy Brenneman), has left the Guilty Remnant and reunited with her son, Tom (Chris Zylka), who may have finally discovered a cause to help replace the pain in his heart. And while Meg (Liv Tyler) remains in the Guilty Remnant, it may not be the same cult she originally joined. [x]

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LIST OF THE WEEK: FOR FANS OF GRACELING

On our list this week is a list of ten books for fans of Kristin Cashore’s Graceling, as requested by an anonymous Tumblr user! For more fun lists and all things YA lit, visit our website, follow us here and on Twitter, and subscribe to our weekly newsletter!

For more on each book, or if you need a text-version / captioned version, visit the list on our main site.

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realestmatt 

Nanako found Dojima’s CDs. Can’t even tell her father has shit taste.


#WillDurst on #pledges: *The pledges have become longitudinally rampant, running all over the map from gay marriage to abortion to Shariah law to the teaching of intelligent design. Which we can all agree is neither. Keep waiting for the American Association of Apple Growers to issue its demand that potential nominees publicly vow to avoid blueberry pies while running for president.* http://www.huffingtonpost.com/will-durst/the-gop-pledge-drive_b_946929.html

Comedy Needed

Oy. This week. I’ve dealt with some real loons. The number of times I’ve wanted to scream at people…

Pour yourself a drink. Pop a breath mint. Put your big boy panties on. And, pull yourself together.

So, I’m headed out to see Will Durst perform. A little comedy will do me good.

Watch on courtingcomedy.com

“Holidays” by Will Durst (SF Legend), from An Evening at the Improv. Circa 1988.

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The greatest moment in video game history (excuse video quality)

Advice for grads provided by humorist Will Durst:

Tips for Grads: “Less pot. Unless you’re headed into investment banking.”

WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

And now an open letter to all you new grads. Congratulations. Good job. Way to go. Bet you thought this day would never come. And if memory serves, it probably almost didn’t. Anyhow, welcome to the real world. And please be aware that we use that term very loosely.

You’re going to love it out here. Might find it surprisingly similar to what you just left behind. Only different. For one thing: Sleeping through first hour is generally frowned upon. And alas, not as many keggers. Less pot as well. Unless you’re headed into investment banking.

Obviously, most of the advice you’ve gotten so far has been as predictable as Nat King Cole in an elevator while Christmas shopping at Macy’s. Surely you’ve been treated to all the clichés. “Winners never quit and quitters never win.” “Get up one more time than they knock you down.” “Nose and toes the same way goes.” Blah. Blah. Hoo- dee- doo. Unrealistic optimistic idealistic balderdash. As helpful as a smiley face lapel pin on a Mylar balloon.

What you really need are tips that will shoot straight through all the bourgeois and cut to the chase. To tell it like it is. Guidance to help navigate the fjords of chaos that inevitably await where grown- ups interact. And you’ve come to the right place, because here they are. A goodly number of life- proven pieces of real world advice for today’s grads. Might not be what you want to hear but guaranteed to help. Well. Not going to hurt. Well…

WILL DURST’S TOP TIPS FOR TODAY’S GRADS:

  • When someone says “This is not about money,” it’s about money.
  • The 5 second rule does not apply to ballparks, bus stations or hospital waiting rooms.
  • Getting a tattoo is like feeding gremlins: don’t do it after midnight.
  • No matter what you see in movies, overturned wooden tables are not adequate protection from assault weapons.
  • When people say, “I’m not a racist, but…” they’re racists.
  • You can’t fix stupid.
  • Sure, sure, he’s your best friend, but get it in writing.
  • Nothing in the world is as underrated as a good nap.
  • Maintain and move on.
  • Two words: duct tape.
  • That high pitched noise that only you can hear: it’s the “Screw You” buzzer. Don’t worry. Only goes off occasionally.
  • Always marry someone smarter than you. Of course, then they’re marrying someone dumber than they are. But that’s their problem.
  • Gambling is a tax on people bad at math.
  • Hazing happens in the real world as well. It’s called a mortgage.
  • Life is too short for Kirkland champagne.
  • Everyone is ditchable. Including you.
  • Never ever trust anybody who says “At the end of the day.” At the end of the day it gets dark.
  • When they ask your name at Starbucks, once in a while, tell them “Rumplestilskin.”
  • Backing into parking spots allows for quicker getaways.
  • Not only is laughter the best medicine, it’s really hard to O.D. on the stuff.
  • If you fall, and you will: fall forward.
  • Stay cool and dry and vertical. Or hot and wet and horizontal. Whichever works.
  • And finally, when someone says, “you’ll like these people, they’re a fun group,” you can rest assured they have the collective sense of humor of an end table.