There was also a really awesome match last night where yeah, my team lost (their team was frighteningly good okay) and we lost by a large enough margin that I didn’t even manage to get to the objective to have any objective time, but there was a Blackwatch Reyes on the other team. And I seriously got the impression that me and this other dude (each of us was the highest level person on our team) were just in our own little world trying to kill or one-up each other.
AND THEN. And then. He had to go and be a good sport about it so I can’t even get annoyed. Blargh.
- always being the one who cares more
- knowing i’ll always need them more than they need me
- feeling completely useless
- hating my reflection
- feeling painfully invisible
- having no idea what i’m going to do with my life
- people asking me what i want to do when i leave school
- being stressed, like all the time
- always looking at pretty people and feeling so angry and jealous because of how ugly i am
- feeling like if i died today, no one would notice… no one would care…
Loving someone shouldn’t hurt. But falling in love isn’t easy either, after a while it becomes something you’ll have to choose to be committed to and that makes it beautiful. What happens after you tell someone you love them is what matters most; does silence follow? Do they say it back? There’s no easy way to love, you will go through rough patches, but loving them shouldn’t hurt. Love should be a two way street, if they don’t put in the effort you do, and you’re not happy, leave. You deserve someone who makes you feel like you’re easy to love. It shouldn’t make you feel like your heart can’t do it anymore. Wait for the person who won’t break your heart. You’ll find them, i promise. Save your best words for them. Look forward to loving them through their best and worst. Wait for the person who makes waking up in the morning not a chore. Wait for someone you kiss goodnight and open your eyes to every morning. Wait for the day you won’t be scared they’ll leave. Wait for them. It’ll be worth it.
Watching Derek dote on someone is hard – harder than Stiles
thought it would ever be, despite the fact he knows it’s insincere; despite the
fact it’s the job and nothing more.
It’s hard because
Stiles hasn’t had those arms around him in months, hasn’t had opportunity to
arrange a chance meeting on a crowded street in weeks, hasn’t had Derek’s eyes
meet his and watched his mouth curl into a smile for him.
Derek’s team have
been fairly indulgent, letting Stiles tag along on the assignment to observe
and allowing him to blend with various crowds just to be close to Derek. Early
on, before Derek insinuated himself into their mark’s life, they even allowed
them to talk on the phone, but that might as well have been in another
hates his job, hates Derek’s job, hates the fact they’d never have met if it
wasn’t for their jobs because then he can’t hate it as much.
Stiles is across the
restaurant and he can’t tear his eyes away from the back of Derek’s head for
more than a few seconds at a time, usually at the prompting of the agent he’s
sitting across from.