I call people sometimes hoping not only that they’ll verify the fact that I’m alive but that they’ll also, however indirectly, convince me that being alive is an appropriate state for me to be in. Because sometimes I don’t think it’s such a bright idea. Is it worth the trouble it takes trying to live life so that someday you get something worthwhile out of it, instead of it almost always taking worthwhile things out of you?
reblog if you’re on team “will literally sell their soul to have sugilite be fused again and be the protagonist of an episode because they love her THAT much and feel like she has been demonized too much in the series thus far”
“The toughest most valuable lesson I ever learned was focus on the job in front of you..whatever the outcome here, you are strong enough to fight this”.
Soon I’ll be taking a tumblr hiatus for a few months to focus on adulting..so under the cut is a truly indulgent post of me waxing lyrical on how much I heart the Wolfe..some of it is speculative because I imagine I’ll be offline throughout her “exit arc” and so I won’t get a chance to freak out and fangirl with you all in real time… SEE BELOW BUT ONLY IF YOU WANNA…
Oh god lord, Berenice bloody Wolfe. I vaguely remember deciding to watch Holby City for Jemma Redgrave way back when it was announced she was going to play Bernie and I’m not one bit sorry I did. I love Bernie Wolfe, have done since day 1 and even through radio silence-gate and severe lack of screen time-gate. She’s fantastic and completely fearless in matters of work/ war/ stressful situations and all that big macho army medic stuff. But in matters of the heart Bernie Wolfe is really rather fragile, completely uncertain and rather scared to destroy the things she holds so dear. I imagine she’s lost an awful lot of relationships throughout her life to a fear, or a reluctance, to express just how deeply she feels things and how much she cares. She’s always been entirely brilliant as a surgeon and leader, shown herself to be a great team member and friend, and a source of strength for others when they’re feeling the very worst a person can feel. That good old British reserve is steeped so deep within how she approaches and reacts to every situation..she’s always a pillar of strength, but never stoic. She never wavers in the face of others expressing extreme outbursts of emotion despite that being a world away from how she expresses herself..she gives them time and whatever it is they need from her at that moment.
We know the trauma unit is going..and I just hope that there is someone there for her, to return that favour, and I hope she feels safe enough to really allow herself the time to grieve for all the things she’s lost and all the things she’s been through..in whatever way she chooses. I’m not just talking about crying or shouting out rage in the face of Nina and Guy those fucking snAKES . I know some fans have long thought “something HAS to give, she has to break down”, but it isn’t like that for everyone. Yes loss and hurt is sometimes a roaring and screeching thing, tangible and on the surface for all to see..but sometimes for others it’s silent, never outwardly expressed but it is ever present. I just want Bernie to feel safe enough to express herself when she’s upset or angry in whichever way works best for her. Obviously this all depends if holby city have actually taken the time to treat her like a fully-realised person, a character within her own right, but let’s face it they’ve probably taken the trauma unit away from her and then provided little to no follow up.. but in the face of optimism I just deeply hope that holby city have at least written something to show those emotional complexities before she leaves (because we know Jemma is doing theatre so there’s only a matter of time). So if the trauma unit being taken away is the beginning of the end for Bernie Wolfe (pre Jemma’s play..I’m not saying she’ll never be back but as of yet..we don’t have a lot to go on).. I just hope Jemma Redgrave is given ample time to really shine, because she’s a bloody fantastic actress and she plays Bernie so beautifully. Bernie Wolfe entered holby as an already very complexed character but there is still so much untouched potential because holby city have rarely focused on her long enough since Life in the Freezer to provide us with more insight. I just hope Holby city have done her justice in her last few episodes if they are to be her last on the show because if they haven’t it’s a disservice not only to the actor but to the character who’s made a massive impact on the show within such a short space of time. If she does return and there’s to be more Bernie Wolfe in the future then I hope the show’s writing is more reminiscent of the days before Kiev, where they actually cared about their characters. S19 has not been a good year imo, for any of the characters because the writing just hasn’t been that good.
Long like really long story short, watching Bernie Wolfe has been a riot and something I’ll relive for as long as the youtube’s exist..praise jesus for Nat’s Playlist and if I was laid out on the table, I’d want her to be the one standing over me- and I don’t just mean that in the smutty way, but in the fictional surgeon way. For me there’s no-one better than Bernie Wolfe. The BMAM/ the precious pupper/ the woman that invented legs. I more than like her.
Sorry this all seems a tad previous, she hasn’t left yet and to be honest she might even still be on the show when I come back to tumblr LOLS, but I’m guessing she won’t be and so preemptively wanted to share some feels. I’m gutted it won’t be in real time and that I’ll miss all the bantz and gifs etc. Being part of this fandom has been SO MUCH FUN omg it’s been brilliant and for the sake of actually focusing on my job and eeek personal life for the next few months, I’m tapping out. I’ll be back and I hope you have continue to have loads of fun, I’m looking forward to seeing all the quality content when I’m back :)
oops edited to add ~ I’ve been given an amazing opportunity with my work and I’m going to Holland tomorrow for placement wheee hence my “I better bloody focus and get off my blog” decision hah! I’m tremendously excited but also shitting a brick™ ..here goes nothing,
Thanks for getting this far if you’re still reading!!