will horto

THE CAMBRIDGE LATIN COURSE: STAGE I

CAECILIUS (OUR HERO) EST IN FUCKING HORTO (GARDEN). CAECILIUS IS ALWAYS IN THE FUCKING HORTO. HE HAS A WHOLE VILLA, BUT HE’S ALWAYS JUST FUCKING AROUND IN THE HORTO. 

METELLA (HIS WIFE) IN ATRIO (ATRIUM) SEDET (SITS). METELLA IS A FUCKING GREAT HOUSEWIFE. SHE JUST SEDET ALL THE TIME. USUALLY IN THE ATRIO, BUT SOMETIMES IN THE HORTO TOO. SHE NEVER AMBULAT (WALKS) THOUGH. NEVER. SHE COULD BE ANYWHERE, BUT SHE IS ALWAYS SEDENS. ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

ANCILLA (A SLAVE GIRL) PULCHRA (PRETTY) EST. ANCILLA GRUMIONEM (THE COOK) DELECTAT (PLEASES). GRUMIO FUTUTOR MATRIS SCELESTUS EST (A CREEPY MOTHERFUCKER).

brainwad  asked:

Your comment about Chicago decaying made me think of the Dresden Files, & how Harry remarks that Chicago is built on Chicago, bc the swampy ground means everything is slowly sinking. How true is this?

100% true. Chicago is built on a swamp, predominantly between a river and a lake. Supposedly “Chi ka gua” means “swamp of the stinking onions” in a local indigenous language (I thiiiiiink the Potawatomi but I could be mistaken, don’t quote me).  

Prior to the introduction of the grillage in Chicago architecture – again don’t quote me but I believe a Chicago architect invented the grillage to deal with Chicago’s unique challenges – high-rise (for the time) buildings would be constructed with a built-in “sink” measurement, usually between eight and eighteen inches. Ground-level doors were placed slightly above ground level with the expectation that over the course of a year or two, the building would sink as it settled into the swampy soil. If you go to the Rookery Building on a Wednesday and take the Chicago Architectural Society tour they will take you into the service corridors of the building, which is pre-grillage, and you can see the frankly fascinating ways in which the floor of the building warped as it settled. 

A grillage is a series of steel beams layered across one another horizontally, which works a little like a raft, allowing a building to “float” on Chicago’s swampy soil; most buildings from the last century, including the one I live in, have a grillage underneath them. Someday a big earthquake is going to hit and it’s going to look awesome from somewhere other than inside Chicago. 

Additionally, the “Streeterville” neighborhood is named for a pirate and all-round asshole named Streeter who basically salvaged and dumped any goddamn rubbish he could find around a sandbar in the lake until he had literally extended Chicago out into the lake in a large enough swath to create an entirely new neighborhood, which is now one of the most expensive areas to live in. That part of Chicago is very literally built on Chicago, as I believe one of the sources of his rubbish was haul-off from the Great Chicago Fire. 

And to conclude there are parts of Chicago, just south of Streeterville, where factories creating very toxic byproducts dumped industrial waste, so part of Chicago is literally radioactive and you can’t build there without extensive soil studies being done to make sure you won’t kick up the radioactive dust and poison everything in the immediate vicinity. 

Chicago’s municipal motto, by the way, is “Urbs in Horto” which translates as “The City in the Garden”.

Los signos cuando llegan a casa y no tienen comida:

Aires: por qué me hacéis esto, ¿yo qué os he hecho?

Tauro: ya tenía comida dentro de su habitación por si alguna guerra nuclear llegara a ocurrir

Géminis: bueno vale, ¿QUÉ NO HAY PATATAS? Bueno me conformo… ¿QUÉ? Que sí coño, que no grito más, se entera de que tampoco hay bebidas OS VOY A MATAR A TODOS.

Cancer: hace galletas les sale como el horto al menos hay algo.

Leo: me he enfadado. se va a comer a un restaurante solo, con cara de mala hostia

Virgo: que no haya comida no está previsto en mi agenda. Lo vais a pagar caros josdeputa.

Libra: se queda sin comer pero a la hora de la cena devora todo lo que han traído. persona: deberías parar de comer Libra: cállate estúpida, mi estómago, idiota.

Escorpio: No importa tengo algo en el almacén. tiene un rehén

Sagitario: aprovecha y se acopla a comer en casa de unos amigos para luego ir a su casa a tirar huevos a la ventana del culpable de que no haya comida

Capricornio: ¿y ahora qué hago? ¿Me mato?

Acuario: pone pucheros al enterarse qué os pasa ¿acaso queréis matarme?

Piscis: se queda en shock por unos segundos y luego va a la cocina a intentar preparar algo, ve unas migas de galletas del desayuno por qué satán, yo confiaba en ti

classics asks
  • 1. which muse do you invoke at the beginning of your work?
  • 2. you have won fame (or notoriety) in the eyes of the people. what is your cognomen?
  • 3. do you prefer doric, ionic, or corinthian columns?
  • 4. you commission a painted amphora. what scene is depicted on it?
  • 5. what is your favorite meter?
  • 6. what are your garlands made of?
  • 7. you are invited to a symposium. on what topic do you wax poetic?
  • 8. would you rather be in horto or in foro?
  • 9. you win first place in the city dionysia. what was your theme?
  • 10. do you heed the predictions of the sacred military chickens?
THE CAMBRIDGE LATIN COURSE: STAGE IV

QUINTUS EST FILIUS (THE SON). QUINTUS EST STERCULUS MOLESTUS (AN ANNOYING LITTLE SHIT). QUINTUS ROGAT QUAESTIONES AB OMNIBUS (ASKS EVERYONE QUESTIONS). QUINTUS NON ABFUTAT (DOES NOT FUCK OFF). HE GETS LESS ANNOYING LATER. LATER HE TURNS INTO AN INSANE MASS MURDERER. JUST YOU FUCKING WAIT.

MEANWHILE, GRUMIO EBRIUS EST (DRUNK). AGAIN. GRUMIO BASICALLY SPENDS ALL HIS TIME IN CULINA DRUNK WITH AN ANCILLA OR TWO. HE NEVER SEEMS TO DO ANY COOKING. HE’S A REALLY SHIT SLAVE. GRUMIO E TABERNA REVENIT (COMES HOME FROM THE PUB). GRUMIO EBRISSIMUS EST (COMPLETELY FUCKING HAMMERED). 

GRUMIO PICTURA VIDIT (SEES THE PAINTING). MAGNUS FUTUTUS LEO  (A HUGE FUCKING LION) EST IN PICTURA. GRUMIO EST PERTERRITUS (TERRIFIED.) “EHEU!” (OH SHIT) SAYS GRUMIO, “FUTUTUS MATRIS LEO EST IN TRICLINIO!” (THERE’S A MOTHERFUCKING LION IN THE DINING ROOM). GRUMIO ABCURRIT. (RUNS AWAY). GRUMIO IS A REALLY SHIT SLAVE, AND A COMPLETE FUCKING IDIOT.

THE CAMBRIDGE LATIN COURSE: STAGE III

CAECILIUS NON EST IN HORTO. WORDS THAT HORRIFY EVEN THE MOST HARDENED CLASSICIST. EVEN MORE ALARMINGLY, HE’S NOT IN THE FUCKING VILLA AT ALL. CAECILIUS EST IN FORO, DOING NEGOTIUM (BUSINESS). NO, CAECILIUS NON EST MERETRIX (A PROSTITUTE). CAECILIUS EST ARGENTARIUS (A WANKER BANKER) IN THEORY. IN PRACTICE, HE GOES INTO TOWN EVERY DAY AND COMES BACK WITH PECUNIA (MONEY). CAECILIUS PROBABLY EST LENO (A PIMP). THE ARGENTARIUS EXCUSE IS JUST TO KEEP METELLA HAPPY.

MEANWHILE, METELLA TAKES ADVANTAGE OF CAECILIUS’ ABSENCE TO LET CELER INTO THE VILLA. CELER EST PICTOR (A PAINTER). CELER PINGIT (PAINTS) PICTURAM (A PICTURE). IT’S A MOTHERFUCKING LION. REMEMBER THE LION. IT’S FUCKING IMPORTANT LATER. 

BACK IN FORO, CAECILIUS, HAVING HAD AN ACCIDENT WITH SOME VERSI SCURRILI (BAD PORN) MEETS SYPHAX. SYPHAX EST VENALICIUS (A SLAVE TRADER). YOU THOUGHT GRUMIO WAS THE ONLY FUTUTOR MATRIS SCELESTUS IN ROME? THINK AGAIN. SYPHAX MAKES GRUMIO LOOK LIKE A HOMO VIRTUS (FINE AND UPSTANDING CITIZEN). HE’S EVEN GOT A CREEPY BEARD. WHAT A HORRIBLE MOTHERFUCKER.

~Learn Latin the Fast and Fun way!~

Lesson 1
Story 1


Artemisia et Maximus 

Artemisia est femina et habet duos filios. 

Artemisia is a woman and (she) has two sons.


Nunc in horto est.

Now she’s in the garden.

 Sedet et cogitat. 
She is sitting and (she) is thinking(/contemplating)

Maximus, suus amicus intrat. Artemisia Maximum spectat. 
(Maximus, her friend enters. Artemisia stares at Maximum).

-Quid agis? (Maximus)

How are you? (/What are you doing?)

-Bene, et tu? (Artemisia)

Well and you?
-Laboro. I am working
-Tibi placent mei flores?

Do you like my flowers?

-Flores sunt pulchri.
Flowers are beautiful.

-Quid agit tuus filius? 

What is your son doing? (/How is your son?)

-Dormit. 

He is sleeping. 


-Hmmmm… Bene, [ego] pingere volo. 

Hmmmmm… Good, I want to draw/paint.

 -Quid pingere visne?
What do you want to draw?

-Leonem

A lion

-Ooooo, sede! Audio aliquid!

Oooo, sit down! I am hearing something!

-Quid es? What is it?

-Nescio! I don’t know!


A man with a beard approaches Artemisia and Maximus. 


Artemisia: Quis es tu? Who are you?

Stranger: Ego sum novus vicinus.

I am the new neighbour.

Artemisia: (smells the air suspiciously) 

Novus vicinus? Et quid vis hic?

The new neighbour? And what do you want here?

Vicinus: Cur es irata?
Why are you angry?


Artemisia: Hmmm… Non sum irata
inquit femina et spectat virum. 

Hmmmmm… I am not angy… the woman says and she stares at the man. 


Quiz: 

Fill in the following gaps in Latin!

Artemisia is a woman (_fe______) and she is sitting at the garden( in hor__).

Maximus is her friend (am_____). The woman loves flowers( fl____).

Her son is sleeping (do_____).

Now fill in the gaps in English.

Artemisia habet duos filios (filios=_____). Filius suus dormit (dormit=_____). 

Maximus pingere (pingere= ______) vult (wants). 

Artemisia ist irata 

irata means

a) angry    b) sleeping

Artemisia flores amat

flores mean:

a) garden    b) flowers

Vir novus vicinus est.

Vir means:

a) man     b) woman


To be continued…

Hope you enjoyed this brief story :) 

THE CAMBRIDGE LATIN COURSE: STAGE XIII

STAGE XIII OPENS ON AN ALL-NEW FAMILY SOMEWHERE IN BRITAIN.

OUR NEW HERO EST SALVIUS. SALVIUS IN VILLA MAGNIFICA HABITAT. SALVIUS EST A BIG BAG OF DICKS.

SALVIUS’ WIFE EST RUFILLA. RUFILLA MULTAS ANCILLAS HABET (HAS FUCKLOADS OF SLAVEGIRLS).

SERVUS EST VARICA. VARICA EST AN INFERIOR KNOCKOFF OF CLEMENS.

COQUUS EST VOLUBILIS. VOLUBILIS EST A HELL OF A LOT FANCIER THAN GRUMIO, AND ALSO NOT A CREEP. HE’S EGYPTIAN, AND HE WEARS FAR TOO MUCH EYELINER. 

SERVI SUNT LOQUAX ET ANTILOQUAX. LOQUAX ET ANTILOQUAX SUNT GEMINI (TWINS). THEIR MOTHER WAS SHIT AT NAMES. 

ALL YOU REALLY NEED TO KNOW IS THAT SALVIUS IS THE BIGGEST SHITWEASEL IN THE ROMAN EMPIRE AND EVERYONE HATES HIM. WHAT AN AWFUL MOTHERFUCKER.

Playlist!

Bom muitas pessoas me perguntam quais são as músicas da minha play e eu morro de ciumes de falar todas mas eu larguei esse meu ciúmes e irei falar o nome de todas as músicas que tem até hoje na minha play (Chamo ela de: Porta para minha alma). Porque só tem músicas que eu realmente amo. Enfim chega de falar…

  1. With arms wide - Creed
  2. Amar novamente - Alma d’ jem
  3. Do i wanna know ? - Arctic monkeys
  4. Morada - Forfun
  5. Casinha - Armandinho
  6. Porque não eu ? - Guto santanna
  7. Zóião - Emicida
  8. Counting stars - OneRepublic
  9. A ilha - Armandinho
  10. A praia - Haikaiss
  11. Pisando descalço - Maneva
  12. Paulinha - Armandinho
  13. Ursinho de dormir - Armandinho
  14. Menina índia da montanha - Circulador de fulô
  15. Kajra re - Aishawarya rai
  16. Eu juro - Armandinho
  17. Wrecking ball - Caked up remix
  18. Pra você - Onze:20
  19. Sem graça - Haikaiss
  20. True to myself - Ziggy marley
  21. Desejos do mar - Armandinho
  22. Australia - The shins
  23. Hollywood tonight - Michael jackson
  24. Better together - Jack johnson
  25. What you wanted - OneRepublic
  26. Me namora - Natiruts
  27. 1406 - Mamonas assassinas
  28. Everything changes - Soja
  29. O que elas precisam ouvir - Igor bidi
  30. A garça - Forfun
  31. Demons - Imagine dragons
  32. I’m yours - Lost at sea
  33. A noite - Oriente
  34. Jai ho - Slumdog milionaire ost
  35. New navy - Zimbabwe
  36. R u mine ? - Arctic monkeys
  37. Wonderwall - Oasis
  38. Se oriente - Oriente
  39. Sleeping with sirens - James dean
  40. Stay the night - Caked up remix
  41. Ideologia - Oriente
  42. Show me - Weeklychris
  43. Outra vida - Armandinho
  44. Upside down - Jack johnson
  45. Feel again - OneRepublic
  46. Anjos - O rappa
  47. Analua - Armandinho
  48. Leve com você - Natiruts
  49. Starfix - Armandinho
  50. Pra ela - Chimarruts
  51. Não é sério - Charlie brown jr.
  52. Tudo em paz - Seu cuca
  53. Dez - Seu cuca
  54. Best day of my life - American authors
  55. Tropicália digital - Forfun
  56. Royals - Twenty for seven cover
  57. You and me - Soja
  58. Que sou eu - Oriente
  59. Aquele lugar - Planta e raiz
  60. Só sei dançar com você - Tulipa ruiz
  61. Sunshine - Matisyahu
  62. Hear me - Imagine dragons
  63. Between the bars - Elliot smith
  64. Dissolver e recompor - Forfun
  65. Dear no one - Tori kelly
  66. Guerreiro - Oriente
  67. Over the Rainbow / What a Wonderful World - Israel kamakawiwo'ole
  68. True love - Soja
  69. Summer vibe - Walk off the earth
  70. Groove bom - Natiruts
  71. Descendo o rio - Forfun
  72. Alegria compartilhada - Forfun
  73. Águas passadas - Aliados
  74. Morena - Los hermanos
  75. Lighters up - Snoop lion
  76. Mãe natureza - Armandinho
  77. Good vibes - Rebelution
  78. Quem vai, vai - Forfun
  79. Palavras repetidas - Gabriel o pensador
  80. Reggae do porto - Banda eva
  81. Já passou da hora - Scracho
  82. Raiz de todo bem - Saulo
  83. Zóio teu - Saulo
  84. Cuida de mim - Scracho
  85. Cachimbo da paz - Gabriel o pensador
  86. Toda manhã - Seu cuca
  87. Sol loiro - Armandinho
  88. Esperança - Aliados
  89. Segue a vida - Planta e raiz
  90. Sorri, sou rei - Natiruts
  91. Sem parar - Gabriel o pensador
  92. Eu sei - Papas da língua
  93. Kushnéma - 3030
  94. Sounds of sunshine - Michael franti
  95. Redemption song - Play for change
  96. Washing dishes - Jack johnson
  97. Tape deck - Jack johnson
  98. Música - cover onze:20
  99. Segue o som - Vanessa da mata
  100. Take me home - Cash cash
  101. Buzzin’ - Shwayze
  102. João e grazi - Onze:20
  103. Até o final - Projota
  104. Brincando comigo - Seu cuca
  105. O  seu lugar - Seu cuca
  106. Verdadeiro valor - Ponto de equilíbrio
  107. Estar com você - Ponto de equilíbrio
  108. Só quero o que é meu - Ponto de equilíbrio
  109. De você só quero amor - Planta e raiz
  110. 100 anos - Falamansa
  111. Avisa - Falamansa
  112. Protesto do olodum - Olodum
  113. Samba reggae - Olodum
  114. Maré - Olodum
  115. O vagabundo e a dama - Oriente
  116. Eu gosto dela - Emicida
  117. Comofaz - Flora matos
  118. Ponto de equilíbrio - Ponto de equilíbrio
  119. Nossa história - Ponto de equilíbrio
  120. Mari - Vitor conor
  121. Minha praia - Seu cuca
  122. Juro - Marcus freitas
  123. Power in the words - The green
  124. Beija flor - Cacife clandestino
  125. High for this - Ellie goulding
  126. Levanta e anda - Emicida
  127. Good trip - Forfun
  128. Aonde vai chegar assim - Ponto de equilíbrio
  129. Esperar o sol - Isadora (cover)
  130. Jah jah me leve - Ponto de equlíbrio
  131. Sei lá - Emicida
  132. Triunfo - Emicida
  133. Taca ele fora - Emicida
  134. Ela me faz - Sérgio dall'orto
  135. Do lado de cá - Chimarruts
  136. Não precisa mudar - Saulo
  137. Mun rá - Isadora (cover)
  138. Esquadros - Saulo
  139. Whiite sandy beach of hawai'i - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
  140. Daykeeper - Haikaiss
  141. Baby boy (da prince) - Saints remix
  142. On lânche rien - Hk e les 
  143. La mar - The beautiful girls
  144. A cada vento - Emicida
  145. Desorientado - Oriente
  146. Xo - John mayer
  147. Diane young - Vampire weekend
  148. Hoje eu me sinto tão bem - Oriente
  149. Máximo respeito - Oriente
  150. Reggae do horto - Zignal
  151. A punk - Vampire weekend
  152. Royals - Caked up remix
  153. My friends never die -Odesza
  154. Tô bem assim - Scracho
  155. Semente - Armandinho (album todo)
  156. Dark paradise - Amanda coronha (ian duarte remix)
  157. Lado bê - Scracho
  158. Vagabundo também ama - Oriente
  159. Is this love - Bob marley
  160. Lágrimas de jah - Ponto de equilíbrio
  161. Get lucky/ lose yourself - Jamz
  162. Young and able - Current swell
  163. Ela me deixou - Skank
  164. Dez segundos - Manitu
  165. Amor sem roteiro - Manitu
  166. Lembra ? - Manitu
  167. Rude - Magic
  168. Perfect picture - Carlos bertonatti
  169. The spins - Mac miller
  170. Donald trump - Mac miller
  171. Kids - Mac miller
  172. What you know - Two door cinema club
  173. Next year - Two door cinema club
  174. Stay with me - Sam smith
  175. Eu vou rezar - Banda cone
  176. Já que você não me quer mais - Seu cuca
  177. Asas - Falamansa
  178. Calma menina - Lucas dcan
  179. All of me - John legend
  180. Replay - Julia sheer 
  181. Pon de floor - major lazer ft. vybz karte
  182. Work it out lightbull thieves - Street dance
  183. Thugz mansion - Tupac
  184. Chama os mulekes - Cone crew
  185. Viva - zimbra
  186. Baby baby - Tropkillaz
  187. Eu louvei - Adão negro
  188. Changes - Tupac
  189. Thugz mansion - Oriente
  190. Free fallin’ - John mayer
  191. Você diz que amor não dói - Marcelo d2
  192. Fella - Marcelo d2
  193. Am i wrong ? - Nico e vinz
  194. Thinking out loud - Ed sheeran
  195. Beating heart - Ellie goulding
  196. Faxing berlin - deadmau5
  197. Morena - Tiago iorc
  198. Eu não sei na verdade quem eu sou - O teatro mágico
  199. Blame - Calvin harris
  200. Changing - Sigma’s vip remix ft. stylo g
  201. I’m yours - Jason mraz ft. jah cure
  202. Samba makossa - Charlie brown jr.
  203. Pensando em você - Cláudia leitte
  204. Amor de índio - Maria gadú
  205. Mais ninguém - Banda do mar
  206. Solar - Banda do mar
  207. Faz tempo - Banda do mar
  208. Mia - Banda do mar
  209. Muitos chocolates - Banda do mar
  210. Dia clarear - Banda do mar
  211. Vamo embora - Banda do mar
  212. Pegue pra ela - Criolo
  213. The heart wants what it wants - Selena gomez
  214. Devaneios retianos - Filipe ret
  215. I see fire - Kygo remix
  216. Hóstia - O rappa
  217. Meu santo tá cansado - O rappa
  218. Rodo cotidiano - O rappa
  219. O que sobrou do céu - O rappa
  220. Mar de gente - O rappa
  221. Minha alma - O rappa
  222. Pescador de ilusões - O rappa
  223. Oldie - Odd future
  224. Orange juice - Odd future
  225. Mau olhado - Onze:20
No dia que você chegou a neblina e a cerração calaram as aves no horto, pararam o cais do porto, ficaram os trens na estação e os carros em ponto morto. No dia que você chegou ventania e temporal desgovernaram sonares, ficaram cegos os radares, o rádio ficou sem sinal e os aviões nos hangares. No dia que você chegou os satélites sumiram, sumiram os antivírus, a internet toda travou, quebraram os conectores, chips, antenas, sensores, tudo se desconectou. Telefones clonados deram sinal de ocupado, todo o cosmos se calou. Só os relógios seguiram: ponteiros fora de giro, marcando o tempo parado. No dia que você chegou passei a querer viver,  morrendo, um pouco, às avessas. Até que nada aconteça, somente eu e você, no mundo da minha cabeça.
—  5 a seco