[[ I’ve been trying to come back and work on this blog more, but it’s been hard.
I’ll be honest… i’m not doing okay.
I’m trying my best, but there’s been a lot going on in my life… Felix isn’t the only one close to me that i’ve lost in this month and i’ve been watching the health of another family member decline over the past few weeks… things are not well.
I will come back to this blog eventually, hopefully sooner than later, but i just need time. there’s so much going on and i’ve been struggling to keep myself together through all this pain.
i’m sorry for the absence and to those i’ve disappointed or upset with all the depressing news. i want to be back to entertain and make people smile with this blog again, but i just can’t do that right now. i still have more tears to shed before i’ll be okay. ]]
My only regret was not hugging him back on that last day. I was so unbelievably hurt but he was holding me so tight with tears suspended in his eyes and my arms were lifeless by my side, and makeup was running down my cheeks. Maybe if I would have wrapped my arms around his waist….. I don’t know, maybe things would have ended differently.
We have a love so incredibly desperate and tragic that everyone around can feel the tension when you look into my eyes. Today when you and I were talking, we looked up to people’s eyes starring back at us. It’s been a long time but everyone still knows that there’s something there… Or maybe it’s just me hoping there is and they just feel sorry for me.
Yo! Back I am with that Children’s Day special I was talking about. Because I was without my computer, I couldn’t finish all four as I planned to, but this one’s pretty nice. As you know, I am complete and totally Laurens’ trash, so, yup. Imma go write now and I’ll be back later, answering a couple of inboxes and hopefully to post a request (I think I’ll be able to go back to those, but Halloween’s really screaming for my attention gUYS HELP and with that I mean request Halloween shit so I have an excuse to write it). See y’all!
(Also yes I know the title sucks)
Word Count: 1.749
Warnings: hmm nothing I guess? Not really sure, but I guess none.
You were reading a book on the parlor room, as you always did after dinner. This time, it was that one that Angelica Schuyler had recommended you several years ago, Common Sense, by Thomas Paine. Despite it indeed being a very interesting reading, you were finding it slightly difficult to keep focus, for your husband, John, sang and danced around the room with your youngest daughter, Eleanor, as the twins, Martha and Henry, played an upbeat duet on the piano. George, your second born, sat by your side and scanned through a book of his own, a small smile playing his lips, probably caused by the family’s antics. You felt happy, almost blessed. Even if you’d been concerned as a young maid, for the man who you courted had gone to war and almost died, it was like life was the bubbles at this point. With a loving and caring husband, five healthy children, a nice household and a stable financial condition; it didn’t seem like it could get any better. You knew John thought likewise, and that made you even happier.
When the song came to an end, you and George set your books aside to clap. The twins thanked as John bowed to Eleanor, who picked her skirts up and curtsied. All of a sudden, the bathroom’s door was shot open and a girl came out. Everyone looked that way to see it was only Mary, the eldest child, and go back to their activities.
“Father”, she called, making a few turn to her. John did, letting go of Eleanor, who ran to the piano and insisted to Martha and Henry that they should teach her to play until they agreed. “I need to talk to you, sir.”
George scoffed slightly, making you frown at him. “What is it?”
“You should stand by father, mom”, he told you without really answering, eyebrows arched. “Commotion’s about to happen.”
Even if you found it weird, you believed him enough to stand up and drop your book. George stared as you walked up to where Mary and John stood.
“Yes, Mary? I’m all ears”, your husband said with a tender smile.
“So”, she started, hands fidgeting as she looked down. “I… Um, I was at a café with Philip the other day.”
“I certainly do recall that”, John nodded happily, with a chuckle. “Why are you so worried, young lady? It’s only Philip.”
Mary looked up, eyes quickly meeting yours before shifting to his. You suddenly understood it, grasping onto his hand to make sure you’d be able to hold him back if needed be. “You see, sir, that’s sort of the point. It wasn’t only him. He brought a few friends from college, and, um… And one of them was very… Agreeable.”
“I think you’re being redundant, Mary”, George pointed from behind you, and you realized the music was no longer playing. All the attention was dedicated to the scene. Mary shot her brother an angry glare, but he didn’t seem to care. “If you want them to understand this, you’ll have to be clear.”
“Mary?”, their father called and her eyes went back to him. He looked confused, to say the least.Men. They never have the slightest clue. “What is happening?”
Mary swallowed. “I met a man who I believe to be suitable.”
John looked shocked, to say the least, jaw dropped. He wasn’t saying a thing, so Henry did – always the petulant one. “What criteria tells you he’s suitable when your family hasn’t met him?”
She seemed bothered, but didn’t dare to look away from her father. “None, which is why I meant to ask if I could ask him for dinner.”
Surprised, you analyzed the scene. John was flabbergasted at Mary, who stood awkwardly with her curly Laurens hair pulled back in a bun and, consequently, showing her freckles. Her eyes shined, just like yours, in anxiety as John’s jaw was slacked. Of course he was speechless. Mary had been your only child for five years, when George was finally born, and the apple of his eyes until Eleanor came. Even now, when she was already entering her twenties, he could only think of her as his baby girl and you knew it. It was hard for him to understand she was her own woman already. After your husband stuttered for five times or so, you decided to intervene.
“Yes, honey, you may invite this boy in”, you told her, feeling John’s even more surprised look fall over you. “Next Saturday should be just fine. Sit down dinner, as always. If he wants to bring his family –”
“How did you meet this man again, Mary?”, John inquired, interrupting you, and you sighed. He was just not a man of few words.
“I told you, father”, Mary said patiently, peeking at you for encouragement. “He’s one of Philip’s friends. He introduced us both.”
“Philip. I’m going to kill him”, he mumbled, and Mary looked slightly concerned.
“Don’t mind your father, Mary”, you told her, putting one hand on John’s shoulder.
“And what is his name?”
“Anthony, sir. Anthony Hopkins.”
“Father’s making a dead pool”, George hummed.
“Father?”, Mary sounded concerned again, so you sighed and put a single hand on your daughter’s shoulder.
“I’ll deal with him. Bring this boy over, your father won’t kill him. Nor his godson. Right, John, dearest?”
“But, my love –”
“Right, John?”, you asked, firmer.
He sighed and you smiled in triumph. “Yes. Be it. Bring him in and we shall discover wether he’s suitable or not.”
Mary grinned, biting her lip. “Thank you, sir.”
“Oh, don’t thank me. Your mother’s the crazy one making this happen”, he said in a slightly concerned tone, and you rolled your eyes.
“I think this is enough for one night”, you said instead of replying, turning around to face everyone else. “Children, to bed. The maids must be there already. Your father will kiss Henry and George goodnight, I’ll take care of the girls. Yes?”
A choir of ‘yes’s and 'sure’s was heard as they got up and bid each other goodnight. John shot you a meaningful look before smiling to his sons, listening to something George said as they started climbing upstairs. When only you, Martha, Mary and Eleanor were left with a single maid, your middle daughter screeched and ran to her older sister. Slower, Eleanor did the same.
“I can’t believe it!”, she exclaimed.
“Mary’s getting married!”, Eleanor sang, and you chuckled.
“Too soon for that, young lady”, you told them.
“Who is this man, sister?”, Martha grinned, curious. “Is it that same Anthony you mentioned to George the other day?”
Mary nodded frantically. “Yes! He’s so great! You’ll all love him! But… How come you heard me and George the other day? We were alone in the hallway!”
Martha shrugged, smiling mischievously. “Well, as of that…”
“Okay”, you said with another chuckle, stepping between them. “Let’s get the three of you to bed.”
And you did. After giggles and guarantees that everything would be fine, you finally made it to your dressing room. There, a maid calmly helped you to change into your white nightdress and undo your makeup, for what you thanked her. She quickly left too, and you could, at last, walk into the bedroom you shared with your husband.
The moment you stepped in, your eyebrows went up. John was not laying, but really occupying most of the mattress with his body carelessly thrown there, curls all over his face and eyes lost in your ceiling. You giggled slightly, approaching the bed. “You’re so dramatic, dearest.”
His green eyes slowly shifted to you, as if asking if you were really talking to him. “I beg your pardon?”
“I said you are very dramatic, John”, you repeated, and he seemed slightly offended. You ignored him, sliding into underneath the blankets. “It’s not like Mary told us she’s with child. All she said is she met a man.”
“All she said?”, he mimicked. “Y/N! She’s practically a toddler! She can’t be meeting men!”
“John, honey, she’s 21 already”, you warned him with a smile, running your hand through his soft hair and untangling it. There was to be born a valet who could do it properly. His eyes went up at you. “You can’t be that shocked.”
“I know. It’s just… She’s always been my baby”, he told you tenderly, voice filled with care. You could practically see the memories from when Mary was young going through his mind.
“Soon, she’ll be the one having babies”, you remarked, and the idea seemed to concern him. His dark eyebrows were scrunched together before he sighed.
“Sometimes, I wish they were all still one, so I could hold them in my arms until they fell asleep”, he confessed, closing his eyes and feeling your fingers on his head. “Do you remember how Henry would not fall asleep, not one single night, if I didn’t lullabied him to it? If I did it now, it would be… Strange, to say the least.”
“I do”, you nodded and smiled. “You can still hold me, though. It’ll never be strange, not even the tiniest bit.”
John smirked and opened his eyes slowly. “Can I?”
You nodded slowly, still toying with his hair. “Yes, definitely. But, first, you have to stop having your little crisis and get under the blankets with me.”
He smiled at you again, eyes gleaming slightly, and you smiled back as your husband settled by your side. When he did, you allowed yourself to lay your head against his chest, listening closely to his heartbeat. John started playing with your hair, picking strands and curling it around his fingers. “Do you remember when we were Mary’s age?”, he suddenly asked, and you opened a single eye.
“Yes, dearest”, you giggled. “You were at war, remember? And I spent my days rereading your letters.”
“And when I came to New York”, he kept on dreamily. “I had to pay you a visit, of course. And your sister was so shy, she kept trembling while we had tea –”
“And your coat was all wet when you left”, you mused, finishing his sentence, and the two of you shared a week laughter. “Oh, those were the good days, John.”
“They were”, he agreed, still stroking your hair. “But you know something?”
“Yes?”, you hummed, nuzzling yourself against him in a half-asleep state. John looked down at you, a caring grin running his lips.