wildmag

The Tamora Pierce Ladies When You Piss Them Off
  • Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau: MEET ME IN THE GODDAMN PIT, BITCH. SQUARE THE FUCK UP, WE GOING!!! *unsheaths sword and proceeds to kick your ass*
  • Keladry of Mindalen: *Will kick your ass with a stony expression... if you're even worth the trouble to her*
  • Daine the Wildmage: Excuse me while I ressurect zombie dinosaurs to wreck your shit and also ally myself with every cat, rat, and dog in the city so that you are powerless against me... and did I mention I am a hyena in this scenario?

Context: me, a wildmagic sorcerer/chronomancer (among other things) is considerably older than he appears. The bard knows this, but insists on calling me a small child, even though I appear to be in my mid 20s.
The Bard: “Hush now small child–”
me: “Son of a bitch, I am over two thousand years old, if you call me a small child again I will impale you with this Dragonlance" 

I just imagine how Jon and Thayet’s intelligence briefings must have gone during the Immortals series.

“The girl you met last week just called a Kraken up from the depths to attack enemy ships. Oh, and she has a dragon now.”

“So the wildmage and Salmalin went to visit a local noble, and they think some wolves have uncovered a plot to usurp the throne. And, uh, I’m not sure how to say this, sire, but she can apparently turn into animals???”

“You know how much you hate Stormwings? And Emperor Ozorne? Well, funny thing about that, Your Majesties….”


(Basically, Daine is amazing)

Sarra looked at her daughter and said reproachfully, “Speaking of war, I never raised you to be always fighting and killing. That’s not woman’s work.”

“It’s needful, Ma. You taught me a woman has to know how to defend herself.”

“I never!” gasped Sarra, indignant.

“You taught me when you were murdered in your own house,” Daine said quietly.

—  The Realm of the Gods, Tamora Pierce

shirena  asked:

What if Kel was executed for treason in Lady Knight? What if it caused a rebellion? Because you can't tell me that what the world will hear in canon isn't that Wyldon ordered her to follow the refugees. Anything else would create resentment. For all Wyldon's pretty talk, surely he noticed that. And if they tried to hush it up? I don't see Raoul and Alanna letting that happen. And if you knew your king executed nobles for rescuing commoners from a fate worse than death, wouldn't you rebel?

No, no, no, no I can’t do it. Kel is my lady, my light, my love–and I can’t imagine a world where the people on that war front would ever have allowed her death. So let’s tell this story–she was found guilty of treason. She was sentenced to death, kneeling on that Tortallan river mud, enemy territory a stone’s throw behind her, hundreds of abandoned souls saved by her stubborn hands. 

Dutiful misery was stark in the grip Wyldon used to pull her to her feet and tie her hands behind her. (He would not leave that job to a lesser man.) Rage poured off Raoul, simmering, trapped. The King’s Own protested–when they shut themselves up it was not at their commander’s order but at Kel’s quelling shake of her head.

Wyldon could protect Owen, who was his squire and his responsibility. The King’s Own had technically, roughly, been following orders. The rescued civilians were ushered toward safety with faintly awed hands. Kel, Merric, and Neal were ushered forward, too, by awed hands, but it was with their own hands bound behind them and it was not toward safety.

But the awe was there– these knights had done the impossible. They had gone into enemy territory, after monsters made of death and metal, and saved their people. They had done the impossible– they had put protecting homeless peasants above obeying their lord. Wyldon tied each of their hands behind their backs and they did not apologize. Neal raised his chin like he was challenging Wyldon to demand it of him.

But the Giantkiller fortress was flooded with children and civilians who had been written off as collateral damage. After days of hard travel, the children were no longer unnaturally clean and coiffed; they would always be scared. They would always be brave. They would not allow Kel to be the price paid for their lives.

A pretty young woman who had once stabbed a Scanran slaver to death found out where they were keeping Kel and her knights. Children threw tantrums to distract while the ex-convicts picked the locks on their doors. Tobe got the horses and kept them quiet. When they got to the main gates again, Neal ready to put them all to sleep, the guards turned around the same way they had days before and let them through.

Up in the commander’s quarters, Wyldon slept restlessly. He had told Keladry of Mindelan once that he believed the best thing that could be said of his tenure as training master was that she had been in his care. He still believed that to be true, but he had his orders. When they woke him, he would be stranded somewhere between rage and relief.

Only a handful of Haven civilians came out into the woods with Kel that night. Neal tsked about Giantkiller’s healers and worked on them all while Merric went though their stolen saddlepacks and took inventory. Fanche pulled bread, cheese, and knives out of her bulging skirts and passed them around.

Kel sat, staring at the space they would have put a fire if they had thought it was safe to light one. Neal bullied some bread into her and Merric asked, “What do we do now, Kel?”

She considered saying, “Why are you asking me?” but Kel had always been very bad at lying to herself. She looked up at the trees. Fir. Spruce. “There’s a war on,” Kel said. “No matter what they say back there, we still have a sworn duty. Or at least I do.” Her school friends were looking up at her like she held their allegiances in her callused palm. The Haven people were careful shadows, tired, certain. Tobe looked at her like he was never letting her out of his sight again. “I’m going to keep fighting.”

They took down their first Scanran raiding party the next day, finding them almost on accident. The first Haven dogs and cats skipped and sauntered into their makeshift camp the next night, curling up by the fire and dropping rabbits for the humans to clean for them.

Haven civilians and convicts began wandering in, grinning tightly, bringing stories of Giantkiller all up in arms. After the first week, once she’d figured out they might be there for good, Kel had started looking for clerks.

When Dom and most of his squad of the King’s Own walked into their camp without a single piece of official Crown livery on, Kel seized Dom by one rough, plain sleeve and dragged him to the side.

“You can’t be here,” she hissed. “Neal and Merric are as damned as I am. The refugees have nowhere safer to go, and I’m not going to keep them from a fight if they want it. But you– Raoul needs you, Dom.”

“Raoul needs us to win this war,” said Dom. “And neither of us could think of any better hands for my squad to be in than yours. If we’re going to win this, we can’t keep our best commanders in the dark.” He grinned. “Even if they’re grumpy giantesses of fugitives.”

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anonymous asked:

just finished reading steve's sorting and omg i LOVED it. i think i aspire to be that exact combination of gryffinpuff. anyways have you guys sorted the tortall heroines yet? i'm especially excited to read about kel cause she's my fave :)

(don’t tell; she’s my favorite too)

Alanna the Lioness is brash, fiercely stubborn, forward; she charges; and she inspires people to follow and to glorify her. This is the superpower of the Gryffindor Secondary and Alanna uses it well. People want to fall in step behind her, to tie their lives to hers. She is repeatedly flabbergasted by it—when Jon and his friends take her as one of their own, when the other pages see her as a “very small squire,” when she finds loyalty among the thieves of George’s court, among the Bazhir and her students, and when Liam follows her back to Tortall and fights for her king’s sake.

Yes, Jon, George, and Liam are all in love with Alanna, but they’re hardly alone in the way they want to follow, fight for her, and stand with her. It’s not about love—it’s about trust, a bit, and about awe. She is bright and brave and more herself than most people ever will be. It doesn’t make people feel safe, but there’s something about that genuineness that makes people want to be better.

When people hate her it’s almost always because they realize they can’t change her (Roger, the shaman in WwRlaM).

As shining bright as the lion on her shield and sleeve is, however, Alanna is a Slytherin Primary. Alanna’s knighthood isn’t, as it will be for Kel years later, about helping people. This isn’t about doing right, or good, or kindly—this is about what Alanna wants. It is ambition, selfishness, and strength. People have told her what she is allowed and what she isn’t and Alanna’s whole life has had an edge of one big long “screw you.” A well-adjusted Slytherdor, charging at what they want, tends to get it — and to leave the world changed in their wake.

Daine Sarrasri, the Wildmage, is a Ravenclaw Primary who borrows other peoples’ systems wholesale. Her greatest terror is often that she is insane, her mind and thoughts untrustworthy. This isn’t a unique fear to Ravenclaw Primaries, but it’s certain a point in favor of that sorting. She has a Gryffindor Secondary—she charges and she hates holding her tongue.

Daine’s Ravenclaw Primary doesn’t build itself, but rather borrows from the people she loves and trusts. As a girl, she takes on her mom’s Puff system but views it as a deal—you help your community and they will help you. A social contract. When her home is attacked, no one comes to help in the aftermath even though her mother would’ve helped them. This is the first broken system that sends her spiralling. She is reticent and lost until she gains enough faith in and camaraderie with her people in Tortall to begin taking on their systems of how the world should work.

And once she accepts a system, she can be confused and horrified when other people don’t also subscribe to it. In Realms, when her parents and then the dragons hesitate to help her friends back in Tortall, she tears into them with fervor.

Daine ‘Falls’ after her mother’s death— and then she falls again when Numair “dies” in Emperor Mage. That Daine’s greatest spirals come after personal loss looks rather Slytherin, actually— but Daine is not petrifying. This is not a Slytherin’s fall. She’s not terrified of losing people or of giving herself emotional vulnerabilities. In both these cases, the system she was trusting betrays her.

She was following her mother’s system of caring and community building and then her community turned on her. In Ozorne’s court she tries on the system of diplomacy and statework that the ambassadors from Tortall promise her will work. She sits on her Gryffindor Secondary and her dislike for the situation, trusting that they know what they’re doing and that they have a valid model of the world for her to follow. If they follow all the rules of the diplomatic party, everything will be alright. And then Ozorne executes Numair and Daine snaps.

She drops that system and goes on a roaring rampage of revenge, letting nothing but her fury and her Gryffindor Secondary decide her moves. Getting Numair back calms her and brings her back from her Fall—but she doesn’t reclaim the ambassador’s trust-the-system mindset.

Daine finally ends up with a model that seems to be an updated version of her mother’s Puff— the service and the defense of the people who need it, but without the ‘fair trade’ expectation she had had in her youth. She no longer expects people to fight for her the way she fights for them. Tortall is hers and she will defend her new home through any struggle.

This isn’t a deal, a back and forth. This is about doing your best for the people around you. This system is self-contained, relying only on her actions and not on anyone else’s reciprocation or honor, which makes it much stabler than her previous models. Daine takes Tortall as her own and surrounds herself with brave, fervent people just as willing to spend their lives in its defense.

Alanna’s greatest climaxes were all personal—she saved Jon. She lost Faithful, lost Thom, killed Roger. It was about those close connections, about the way she wanted her life to be (not the way she thinks it *should* be)—but Kel’s battles will all be for other people, for wider swathes of people who are “hers” because she owes them something.

Kel’s greatest crises are about bullies, being there for Lalasa, scorning the Chamber for its undignified heartlessness, saving her people. She fights different battles than Alanna—Raoul even has that speech about it. Alanna is a hero, but Kel is a commander. Alanna is a Slytherin Primary, and Kel is a Hufflepuff.

Kel’s morality is comprehensive and intuitive and it’s based completely and entirely on people. She will betray her sworn lord, her word, and even the greater cause of the war in order to save the “small” she feels responsible for. In Lady Knight, she even insists on honoring and humanizing the enemy dead — learning to see some people as not worth her empathy was almost part of Kel’s growth.

Like Alanna, she is an inspiration without any attempt to be that kind of symbol. She changes the face of page training, and not just because of her gender—when Kel starts fighting against the hazing, the other pages rise up with her. When she goes after her people in Lady Knight, she ends up with a whole army she didn’t ask for at her back. She wins over the King’s Own without trying to do anything more than a good job, coming out after four years with not just their camaraderie but their respect and allegiance. For all that communities spontaneously form around Kel, she’s no Puff Secondary. She leads.

Kel is a good example of the potential of the Gryffindor Secondary to be subtle. She is quiet. She holds her tongue and her emotions in check so much that her bullies nickname her ‘The Lump.”

This reticence is something that comes from the cultural context of her childhood, growing up in the Yamani Isles. It’s something she finds useful but she puts aside her quiet, seeming calm when her need to speak out or act against injustice rises its head—standing up and demanding an explanation at Joren’s trial is a good example.

She is quiet, careful, often respectful, but she is always and entirely herself. It’s why she considers turning down Wyldon’s offer at the start of First Test. It’s not a fair offer, and by accepting the probation she feels like she is accepting and complicit with the system. What finally changes her mind is an appeal to her Hufflepuff Primary: this will make her better able to help people who need helping, and that’s more important than anything. So she accepts the offer and wears dresses (which she hates) to the pages’ hall to show the world she is unashamed of being a girl.

Aly is a Slytherin/Slytherin, which I’m sure everyone’s just shocked about. When Aly decides to stay for the rebellion, it’s not because her understanding of the raka’s oppression has deepened—Aly has fallen in love with Ulasim, Junai, Chenoal, Sarai, and Dove and that is what makes her little Slytherin heart finally dedicate itself wholly and forever to the cause.

It’s about people— these specific faces and what they want and need— and it’s about the challenge. The House of ambition, remember? Kyprioth, a wily old Slytherin/Slytherin himself, knew exactly what buttons to press on little old Aly.

(Kyprioth is a good example of a Slytherin with a massive inner circle—he’s not bonded to a handful of individuals, but a whole people. This seeming group-bonding does not make him a Hufflepuff—this is not about community, about service, about need, or about the basic humanity of all. This is about possession. They are his and they will be great again).

Aly’s Slytherin Secondary is pretty self-explanatory— she delights in manuever, subterfuge, quick-thinking, espionage. The books are titled ‘Trickster.’ It’s hard to get much more Slytherin than Aly Homewood.

Beka Cooper is an Idealist Primary, not a loyalist. If one of her Rat breakfast buddies broke the law, she’d turn them in and not for a Hufflepuff’s ‘greater good.’ Arrest is what happens when you commit a crime and get caught. Beka would lose far more sleep over helping a beloved friend skip out on their arrest than she would locking them up in the first place. (This is supported also by the way she deals with *spoiler* in the last book. It doesn’t matter that they are one of hers). When she takes in the kids in the first book, it’s not out of empathy, pity, or kindness, but because she feels responsible.

But which Idealist? Gryffindor or Ravenclaw? Something that muddies the water here is her strong Ravenclaw Secondary. The very format of the story calls to that secondary— Beka is keeping her journal because she wants to practice and hone her skills of observation and maintaining data. She goes after things with deliberation and empiricism even inside her own head. She is not easily swayed by emotional appeals or smooth talkers. The strength of her Ravenclaw Secondary makes her idealist primary house look a bit more built than I think it is.

Beka’s got a powerful moral compass. It follows her from situation to situation and adjusts easily and well to new conflicts without seeming to have a rigorous pre-built structure. When she is presented with hard calls, she makes them. She knows what feels right in most situations and she goes after those aims with both a single-minded terrier stubborness and all her constructed, logical skills and data analysis. Gryffindor Primary, Ravenclaw Secondary.

– Alanna - Slytherin Primary, Gryffindor Secondary Daine - Ravenclaw Primary (who occassionally Falls), Gryffindor Secondary Kel - Hufflepuff Primary, Gryffindor Secondary Aly - Slytherin Primary, Slytherin Secondary Beka - Gryffindor Primary, Ravenclaw Secondary

These are the dice of my friend’s wild magic teifling sorceress. Our party was in an enclosed room fighting a few goblins. She fired off a spell and rolled for the wild magic. The below is what happened next.


“I just cast fireball on myself and the whole party at level one thanks to wild magic. There were no survivors.”


To make this better, the spell that this went off on would be the killing blow to the last enemy in the dungeon.

darkmeanderingsdiceshamingdice-corner-of-shamediceshame

youareiron-andyouarestrong  asked:

LOTR defined my life from ages 11-13, I spoke like a character in an Anne of Green Gables novel, I wanted to have a sword like Alanna the Lioness and talk to animals like Daine the Wildmage, and then I wanted to be a noble sword-carrying woodland creature from Redwall

Oh those are so lovely! You were such a valiant child! My best friend was obsessed with Alanna.

Originally posted by thewincheters