wild town

2

THIS IS SO CUTE

[Sally and Paul are out of town for Sally’s book tour. Percy, having decided to invite the Seven and a few other friends over, is putting away anything likely to get broken. Jason, who arrived early, is helping.]

Jason(Gingerly examining what appears to be a very ugly ceramic blowfish): Is this what I think it is?

Percy(Glancing over over from the dresser): That? Yeah. You can just put it with the others.

Jason(Confused): The…

[Percy points to the closet. Giving Percy a strange look, Jason opens the door to discover shelf upon shelf of blowfish in every shape, size, hue and material imaginable. He takes a half step back]

Percy(Joining him): Kinda creepy, right?

Jason(At a loss for words): …why?

Percy(Taking the blowfish from Jason and adding it to the collection): I dunno, it’s just this weird thing Paul’s students do. Every year, his graduating class gives him a blowfish. You know- Blofis, Blowfish. It’s a tradition.

[Jason nods, but seems unable to look away. Percy stands next to him, surveying the blowfish armada]

Percy: …Honestly, I don’t even think he likes them.

[They are mercifully interrupted by Leo, who scrambles into the room, sparing three seconds of bewilderment on the blowfish closet before deciding he has more pressing matters to worry about]

Leo(Yanking Jason around by the shoulder to face him): Jason. Jason, bro, we kissed. She kissed me. Like ten minutes ago. In Percy parents’ bedroom.

Percy(Smacking Leo with a conveniently placed copy of Jane Eyre): Dude! Don’t make out in my parents’ bedroom, that’s disgusting!

Jason(Letting Percy attack Leo with Jane Eyre a few more times before separating them): I’d kind of figured you’d gotten past that already- all the ladies love Leo, right?

Leo(Eyes wide and fidgeting worse than usual): No, dude, shut up, I’m freaked out. I don’t… I don’t think I’m very good.

Jason: Good at-

Leo(Grabbing Jason by the shoulders again): At kissing! And I mean, Calypso’s done a lot more kissing than me over the years- like, even without the immortality thing. And with heroes. Heroes! Like, the legendary kind, with swords and muscles and social skills. The kind that probably knew how to kiss! I don’t want to suck so bad she dumps me! Girls dig you, I’m asking for advice!

Jason(Who has kissed exactly two girls in his life): Look, as far as I can tell, there’s two basic rules- one, don’t bite anything without permission, and two, the human tongue is like wasabi. It’s very powerful and should be used sparingly.

[Leo begins nodding, then freezes, staring at something beyond Jason’s shoulder. Percy, facing the same direction as Leo, gives a snort of laughter he hastily tries to disguise as a cough]

Jason(Closing his eyes): She’s standing right behind me, isn’t she?

Calypso(Mimicking Jason): “The human tongue is like wasabi!”

Jason: I don’t sound like that.

Percy: You kinda do.

Calypso(Sidling around to stand next to Leo, who is trying to sink into the floor): Actually, I think Leo’s tongue is like sunscreen. It’s good for your health and should be applied liberally.

Jason: I REALLY didn’t need to hear that. I really wish I could stop IMAGINING that.

Percy(Gravely): The idea itself is so offensive, that it’s actually illegal to say the words ‘Leo Valdez’s tongue’ on TV. 

Jason(Sagely): The penalty for violating that law is ten years in prison.

Percy: Or one Leo Valdez tongue bath.

Leo(Face in his hands): I hate you.

Jason: Everyone chooses prison.

Leo(Glaring through his fingers): I HATE YOU.

[Rolling her eyes, Calypso gently pries Leo’s hands from his face and kisses him. After a moment of hesitation Leo kisses back, putting his hands on her hips]

Percy: Oh gods. Oh, gods, I’m blind! I’m blind!

Jason(Severely): Please stop. You’re upsetting the blowfish.

Best Pun Ever

Mallory and Mark Kensington were two star struck lovers who had been married for 12 years. Mallory was a commercial airline pilot and Mark was the captain of a nuclear submarine. They were both very responsible with their money, lived simply, had no children, and no vices. The only exception to their frugality was their dog Max whom they doted on at every possible occasion. Unfortunately for Max, fate had terrible plans in store for him. One dark August day, Mallory and Mark were both at their respective jobs and in a cruel twist of fate suffered major mechanical failures at the same time. In a million to one oddity, they both perished in the astonishing first-of-its-kind airplane/submarine accident.

Keep reading

Prince Sidon (Prince Ali Cover)
Doops and Goombs
Prince Sidon (Prince Ali Cover)

Make way for the cover you’ve all been waiting for. The Great Fairy attempts to break Sidon into Gerudo Town in order to find the hero that the Zora prince has been looking for. Unfortunately for Sidon, fairies aren’t known for their subtlety.

Inspired by this original post.

Cover of Prince Ali from Disney’s Aladdin.

Performed by @thedoops and @thegoombs

Lyrics here

some of my favourite bits/random thoughts from beauty and the beast (2017)

(Warning: spoilers ahead) (this is long and goes through the entire movie cause i need to talk about it alright

  • the pretentiousness of the prince at the beginning and his face when he handles the rose - amazing face by dan stevens might i add 
  • how the entire castle kinda looks like a rose and when it crumbles whenever the petals fall - that shit was wild man 
  • that the town was actually diverse??? amazing and beautiful
  • WHEN BELLE IS READING AND SHE’S SURROUNDED BY FLOWERS/ROSES 
  • “she hasn’t made a fool of herself to gain my favour. What would you call that?” “Dignity” (same)
  • ALL THE ROSE MOTIFS HOLY FUCK OKAY 
  • that mother fucking groan in ‘belle (reprise)’ that every woman can relate to
  • HOW DOES THIS ENTIRE FAMILY TRUST THE INSTINCTS OF A HORSE AND TALK TO IT LIKE IT UNDERSTANDS EVERY FUCKING WORD? AMAZING AND MIND BLOWING 
  • when cadenza had that ‘oh shit’ moment 
  • maurice trying to act all chill before freaking the fuck out 
  • lets be real - every moment between lumiere and cogsworth
  • “Who are you?” “Who are you?” - same adam 
  • why doesn’t this castle have any railings? like, i understand its a dungeon or whatever….but like,,,safety people???
  • “or as i like to call it, the only wing” nice save lumiere 
  • table dancing in gaston….so many feelings for it 
  • “You can’t judge people by who their father is, now can you?” YASSSS GIVE ME BACKSTORY I LOVE THIS SHIT
  • the fact that adam/the beast struggles with having a normal conversation cause he’s an idiot who hasn’t interacted with people properly in yearssssssss
  • the fact that mrs potts is okay with belle leaving. she’s so sweet and i loved her in this
  • WHY DIDN’T LUMIERE LET BELLE EAT AT ALL DURING ‘BE OUR GUEST’? FUCKING RUDE
  • also, the amount of extra lumiere was in this scene? amazing 
  • does the beast sleep in a nest or a bed? like….i have a lot of feelings about this okay
  • (dan stevens knocks me out every time he talks in this movie okay. SO MUCH EMOTION)
  • the fact that the castle has a doggy door????
  • The way that the beast fainted, was like…..so very human and i love it okay
  • do you think agatha was fucking tired of waiting for a girl to come around or do you think it’s destiny that led her there - too many rose motifs have forced me into these thoughts
  • how nuts is gaston tho??? like the fuck is up with him really??
  • DAYS IN THE SUN THO - LIKE….LITTLE PRINCE DIDN’T REALLY GET TO SAY GOODBYE TO HIS MUM. I WANNA DIE 
  • “My favourite is romeo and juliet” *beast eyerolls for days* (like same dude)
  • BELLE’S REACTION TO SEEING THE LIBRARY - LETS BE REAL, SAME
  • (also, highly sure the library scene is where beast realises he likes belle) 
  • the beast imitating the horse; beautiful and adorable 
  • snowball scene
  • THE BEAST UNABLE TO HOLD ALL THE BOOKS. AMAZING
  • BEAST TRYING TO PLAY THAT HE ISN’T READING A ROMANCE - DORK 
  • “What do you say we run away?” - YAS BITCH YASSSSSS
  • “too touristy?” - i love him 
  • “LET’S GO HOME” AND FUCKING BEAST’S FACE, SO TENDER AND SOFT I WANT TO CRY
  •  the water from the bath splashing on lumiere….brilliant
  • THE BEAST WEARING MAKE UP I’M CRYING
  • the dress was beautiful and i will fight everyone who says it isn’t great 
  • THE PART OF THE DANCE WHERE THE BEAST DIPS BELLE AND THEN HAS HER UP ON HIS HIP IN LIKE ONE MOVE - FUCKING BRO, HE IS AMAZING
  • AND BELLE’S FACE THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE THING - SHE’S IN LOVE WITH HIM THE MOST IN THAT DANCE 
  • THE BEAST ASKING HER IF SHE COULD BE HAPPY THERE, THAT SHE MAY ACTUALLY FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM AND THERE’S ME CRYING IN THE CORNER 
  • The bit where the beast sees belle run away, that sharp exhale of like shock and sadness 
  • in evermore where the beast closes his eyes to go with the line “i close my eyes and she’s still there’ - LIKE, THAT ACTUAL HEAD SHAKE OF HIM REALISING HOW IN LOVE WITH HER HE IS. FUCKING RUIN ME
  • HE WAITED IN THE SAME SPOT HE LAST SAW HER. HE WOULD HAVE WAITED THERE FOREVER 
  • THE WAY THE BEAST’S VOICE IS SO DESPERATE AND SURPRISED TO SEE BELLE AGAIN AND HE IS SO HAPPY TO SEE HER 
  •  “I am not a beast” - YAS BITCH, YOU TELL HIM 
  • also…..adam fucking jumped across the castle to get to belle….goals 
  • the beast was shot 3 times in the back….i mean….tough as shit he is 
  • He just wanted her there, to say goodbye and he’s in love with her and i’m dead inside 
  • HE DIED WITH HIS EYES OPEN, FUCKIG MORBID 
  • when all the servants transformed….i cried 
  • i love dan stevens so i will defend his ridiculous hair until i die 
  • plus that kiss was gold and i loved it 
  • (tho i do wish he had said something to her in that moment, just something) 
  • i loved lumiere and plumette - so cute (but also it should have been lumiere and cogsworth)
  •  that final dance tho….amazing 
  • the growl
  • i’m done. i am dead inside because of this fucking movie i swear to g