[Sally and Paul are out of town for Sally’s book tour. Percy, having decided to invite the Seven and a few other friends over, is putting away anything likely to get broken. Jason, who arrived early, is helping.]
Jason(Gingerly examining what appears to be a very ugly ceramic blowfish): Is this what I think it is?
Percy(Glancing over over from the dresser): That? Yeah. You can just put it with the others.
[Percy points to the closet. Giving Percy a strange look, Jason opens the door to discover shelf upon shelf of blowfish in every shape, size, hue and material imaginable. He takes a half step back]
Percy(Joining him): Kinda creepy, right?
Jason(At a loss for words): …why?
Percy(Taking the blowfish from Jason and adding it to the collection): I dunno, it’s just this weird thing Paul’s students do. Every year, his graduating class gives him a blowfish. You know- Blofis, Blowfish. It’s a tradition.
[Jason nods, but seems unable to look away. Percy stands next to him, surveying the blowfish armada]
Percy: …Honestly, I don’t even think he likes them.
[They are mercifully interrupted by Leo, who scrambles into the room, sparing three seconds of bewilderment on the blowfish closet before deciding he has more pressing matters to worry about]
Leo(Yanking Jason around by the shoulder to face him): Jason. Jason, bro, we kissed. She kissed me. Like ten minutes ago. In Percy parents’ bedroom.
Percy(Smacking Leo with a conveniently placed copy of Jane Eyre): Dude! Don’t make out in my parents’ bedroom, that’s disgusting!
Jason(Letting Percy attack Leo with Jane Eyre a few more times before separating them): I’d kind of figured you’d gotten past that already- all the ladies love Leo, right?
Leo(Eyes wide and fidgeting worse than usual): No, dude, shut up, I’m freaked out. I don’t… I don’t think I’m very good.
Jason: Good at-
Leo(Grabbing Jason by the shoulders again): At kissing! And I mean, Calypso’s done a lot more kissing than me over the years- like, even without the immortality thing. And with heroes. Heroes! Like, the legendary kind, with swords and muscles and social skills. The kind that probably knew how to kiss! I don’t want to suck so bad she dumps me! Girls dig you, I’m asking for advice!
Jason(Who has kissed exactly two girls in his life): Look, as far as I can tell, there’s two basic rules- one, don’t bite anything without permission, and two, the human tongue is like wasabi. It’s very powerful and should be used sparingly.
[Leo begins nodding, then freezes, staring at something beyond Jason’s shoulder. Percy, facing the same direction as Leo, gives a snort of laughter he hastily tries to disguise as a cough]
Jason(Closing his eyes): She’s standing right behind me, isn’t she?
Calypso(Mimicking Jason): “The human tongue is like wasabi!”
Jason: I don’t sound like that.
Percy: You kinda do.
Calypso(Sidling around to stand next to Leo, who is trying to sink into the floor): Actually, I think Leo’s tongue is like sunscreen. It’s good for your health and should be applied liberally.
Jason: I REALLY didn’t need to hear that. I really wish I could stop IMAGINING that.
Percy(Gravely): The idea itself is so offensive, that it’s actually illegal to say the words ‘Leo Valdez’s tongue’ on TV.
Jason(Sagely): The penalty for violating that law is ten years in prison.
Percy: Or one Leo Valdez tongue bath.
Leo(Face in his hands): I hate you.
Jason: Everyone chooses prison.
Leo(Glaring through his fingers): I HATE YOU.
[Rolling her eyes, Calypso gently pries Leo’s hands from his face and kisses him. After a moment of hesitation Leo kisses back, putting his hands on her hips]
Percy: Oh gods. Oh, gods, I’m blind! I’m blind!
Jason(Severely): Please stop. You’re upsetting the blowfish.
Mallory and Mark Kensington were two star struck lovers who had been married for 12 years. Mallory was a commercial airline pilot and Mark was the captain of a nuclear submarine. They were both very responsible with their money, lived simply, had no children, and no vices. The only exception to their frugality was their dog Max whom they doted on at every possible occasion. Unfortunately for Max, fate had terrible plans in store for him. One dark August day, Mallory and Mark were both at their respective jobs and in a cruel twist of fate suffered major mechanical failures at the same time. In a million to one oddity, they both perished in the astonishing first-of-its-kind airplane/submarine accident.
Make way for the cover you’ve all been waiting for. The Great Fairy
attempts to break Sidon into Gerudo Town in order to find the hero that
the Zora prince has been looking for. Unfortunately for Sidon, fairies
aren’t known for their subtlety.