wife throw

Help! My wife, keeps throwing berries at me and saying “fruit ninja…FRUIT NINJA!” And when I tell her that’s not right she sticks a berry in my mouth and shushes me. She’s so sweet I love her

anonymous asked:

pls keep roasting dream daddy dads

well the thing is, all of the other characters look perfectly fine. my only beef is with Cracker Barrel here

this is the kind of dude calls his wife “mother”, asshole throws a fucking tantrum if you touch the thermostat cuz he’s not paying to heat the whole house but he’s got plenty of cash for his custom bocce ball set, this guy says he’s got a fun family activity planned and pulls out his limited edition Three’s Company Monopoly set, this dude’s skin is so dry he can sandpaper wood using his fucking palms, motherfucker doesn’t tip because he thinks you need to earn it, shithead pulls up to his daughter’s Catholic School coir recital and thinks the Latino principal is the valet, “Dessert is for people who clean their plate, Scorpius-Jeremiah, now finish your olive loaf”, motherfucker waits ten minutes for his unseasoned chicken strips and starts asking to see the manager, this dude has a concave ass, he gets his wife a Scripture-Quote-a-Day calendar for her birthday every year and a miniature desk version for Valentine’s Day, asshole chaperones his kid’s sixth grade spring dance and hijacks the playlist to blast nothing but Pat Boone, he won’t let his kids watch Star Wars or Avatar because they “promote Eastern religions”, this guy’s favorite TV show was Dragnet, it’s where he learned about pot, motherfucker follows Tyler Oakley on Twitter, he joined the PTA in trying to get Harry Potter banned from the school library but secretly read all the books, this dickhead drags his family to Sears to buy cardigans and leaves his wife and kids in the dressing room for 45 minutes while he talks to the cute sales clerk, this motherfucker makes fun of people for having gluten allergies, “Salt is a spice!”, this idiot borrow’s his neighbor’s pruning sheers and breaks them while trimming his magnolias and buys a cheaper one from Home Depot and tries to pretend nothing happened, this guy has an autographed photograph of Kirk Cameron that he bought on eBay where he crossed out the former owner’s name and scribbled in his own, motherfucker like this owns a rhino statue decoration he says is made of real ivory but it’s actually just a plastic piece he got from Ikea, this piece of shit’s Bichon Frise will piss on your shoes and he’ll laugh it off and refuse to even offer you a paper towel, “Maximilian left the company last year and I had to pick up his workload so I didn’t have time to take the boat out this month, life’s been really hard”, asshole believes spanking your kids isn’t abuse cuz he got spanked and he turned out fine, this asshole brought his kids to Avenue Q and demanded a refund when he found out it wasn’t a Sesame Street play, this guy smells like a combination of cucumber juice and diesel fuel, he made his daughter sign up for arts and crafts just so he could come along and make potholders, this guy anonymously leaves long messages on forums where he replies to himself and complains about the new Ghostbusters movie, this motherfucker’s idea of kinky is renting Body of Evidence and 37 minutes of missionary with the lights off

exo as dads

xiumin:

• He reads a lot of books about pregnancy each time they were expecting

• He worries a lot for his kids, each time they cry or gets sick his heart hurts since he can’t make them feel better instantly

• Loves playing with them by pretending to eat their feet and hands. Lots of raspberries to their belly

• Gives the biggest and warmest hugs

• When they were old enough he tried introducing them to coffee (he sulked for a hour when they said “ewww it tastes weird”)

• Visits the park often to play soccer with his kids. Gets a bit too competitive sometimes. Buys them ice cream before heading home

suho:

• He has cried every time his wife gave birth

• Throws extravagant birthday parties for his kids

• Loves reading them bedtime stories

• Dad jokes. Lots of dad jokes

• Tells them stories about their exo uncles and himself when he was a cool leader back in the day

• He sometimes falls asleep with them when they ask him to lie down with them to protect them from monsters until they fell asleep

yixing:

• Has the biggest and proudest smile each time he holds his child for the first time

• He likes admiring their little face, nose, hands and feet. Wishes that they would stop growing up so fast

• Sings them his own composed lullabies for sleeping time

• Lets his children play in his studio. Sometimes he even records songs with them (those are special songs that he saves onto a hard drive to keep forever and he likes to play them when friends or family visit)

• Gives them mini piano and guitar lessons (he finds it so cute when the instrument is bigger than the child)

• He is kind and gentle but he can discipline them when he needs to. He feels bad each time so he hugs them and makes sure they understand why he had to discipline them (eg. “I had to stop you because pulling your sisters hair hurts her, you wouldn’t like it if I pulled your hair right?”)

chanyeol:

• “She/he’s so tiny!”. That’s his reaction when he holds his child for the first time. Even if his wife had given birth before

• Loves lifting and spinning his children around (produces squealing and laughter every time)

• Loves chasing them around the house (sometimes for fun and other times it’s because they don’t want to sleep or put their clothes on properly)

• Loves cooking for his kids (he has the biggest grin when they ask for more)

• Over exaggerates his reactions to make his kids laugh

• He hums softly to them while he gently bounces them to sleep

baekhyun:

• Wakes up early because his kids wake up early and jumps on his bed

• His goal each day is to make his kids smile and laugh

• Bought extra microphones for the karaoke machine so that his kids can join in to sing (scream) with him 

• When it’s bath time, he always gets ready a bubble bath and throws in many water toys (Eg. rubber ducks, boats and plastic fish etc…)

• He tried to be stern and discipline them when they’re misbehaving but they just see it as a way to play with dad 

• Once they sleep, he crashes too since he used so much energy during the day 

chen: 

• His household is filled with squealing and laughter 

• Loves playing hide and go seek tag and also what time is it mr wolf

• He hasn’t dropped his habit of talking to his kids using baby talk

• Loves singing songs for them. He can sing anything from lullabies to exo hits 

• Pranks mum together 

• He also plays small pranks on his kids like surprising them by jumping from behind a wall or by scaring them by wearing a silly mask (sometimes they start crying instead of laughing) 

kyungsoo: 

• Gives his kids kisses each morning to wake them up 

• Loves cooking with and for his kids (he has the brightest smile when they say “daddy’s cooking is the best!”) 

• They love grocery shopping with him because he turns the chore into a scavenger hunt 

• His children love re enacting his dramas with him 

• He built a small veggie garden in the backyard to teach his kids where their food comes from and to help them understand how much effort it takes to grow produce (which is why they should try their best to finish eating their food)

• Every night, his children asks him to sing different lullabies and ballads so that they can fall asleep peacefully (they love his smooth voice)

kai:

• Cuddle monster

• Plays with his kids by lifting each of them up with his legs and he holds their arms out saying “airplane! zooom zoom!”

• Starts tickle wars with them 

• His kids became best friends with his cute doggies, they’re inseparable

• Challenges them to a dance competition often. He’ll lose on purpose each time because they’re just so cute jumping and shimmering around

• If his kids have nightmares, they’re always welcome to join him in his bed or he’s always happy to sleep in their bed while holding them until they go back to sleep

sehun: 

• Every time his wife becomes pregnant he goes on a shopping spree (baby clothes, crib, room decor, blankets, nappies, pacifiers, plush toys, bibs etc…) 

• He does spoil his kids just a little, tiny, teeny bit

• Likes to ask his kids “Do you like mum or dad better?”

• Encourages his kids to do more things by themselves such as walking and eating (he jumps in if they are struggling or nearly hurt themselves). He can’t stop showering them with compliments and kisses once they succeed or achieve a milestone

• His heart melts every time Vivi plays with his kids 

• Builds blanket forts for them each weekend and holds Disney movie marathons (sing alongs are a must) 

  • wedding proposal to mary: john begins, does generally poor job tbh, never see him actually ask
  • best man proposal to sherlock: "the big question", really fucking emotional moment, sherlock is lost for words (for the first time ever?)
  • wedding vows: um... :/
  • sherlock: "I've never made a vow in my life and after tonight I never will again" does the best man usually make vows?????
  • sherlock and john: sat with each other at the centre of the table, the whole episode is about their lives together
  • mary: "always partly or entirely excluded"
  • sherlock: love declaration to john "love you most in all this world"
  • john: love declaration directly to sherlock "the two people i love and care about most in the world", but never see an 'I love you' directly to mary his wife
  • sherlock: throws boutonniere to janine like bride would a bouquet
  • mary, the actual bride: was she even there?

Lawrence Alma-Tadema (1836-1912)
“The Finding of Moses” (1904)
Oil on canvas
Academism
Currently in a private collection

Alma-Tadema worked on the painting for two years. By the time it was finished, his wife wryly quipped that the infant Moses would now be “two years old, and need no longer be carried”.

anonymous asked:

Do you think that before Flynn stole the mothership he tracked Lucy down at all? I'm sure he would have been curious about the mysterious professor who wrote his journal-from-the-future. So I can picture him finding her at her university and attending one of her lectures or something. What are your thoughts?

Oh, my god, Anon. My thoughts are I have had these EXACT THOUGHTS!

He DEFINITELY looked her up before the series starts! No doubt. None. Erase all doubt from your mind. We don’t know the degree of it. Maybe Flynn searched online for information about her. Maybe he read one of her books (a history book– not the sad, handwritten one). Maybe, yes, he even sat in the back of at least one lecture. We don’t know how far he went researching her (he’s an intelligence gathering special agent and this could actually be quite in depth– he has her tax returns), but we do know that Flynn looked Lucy up in the present day before setting his plan in motion.

And it all sounds like an interesting little possibility and fan theory, one more connection Flynn and Lucy have before even meeting face to face, but the logical part of our brain is still like, “Proof?”

How about the fact that, in the Pilot, he knew what she looked like? Yeah. Once you realize Flynn picked her out of a frantic crowd at night in front of an explosion, it hits you: “How did he know her face?” Lucy can write her entire life story in that journal. Flynn can know her mind as well as she knows herself. But unless Lucy included a photograph, he would not know her to see her. He’d pass her on the street. Conclusion: either through research or because he staked her out (attended one of her classes), Flynn was familiar with what Lucy looked like prior to meeting her in 1937.

Now, you can argue the above. You could say that one brief, mid-episode snippet is the real first time Flynn sees her. The part when he’s watching the three be arrested after he called in that tip on them.

BUT! he is very, very far away. And he’s not even the one looking through the binoculars when it happens. 

He certainly can’t make out her face. And would he really approach her later with his biggest identifier being that she had on a brown coat? Why would he WANT to leave it up to chance? Why would he risk not knowing what Lucy looks like before going into the past where he knows he’s going to run into her? I really don’t think he would.

Also (just mentioning) Flynn’s guy that Wyatt kills in the hangar knew who Lucy was, and I’m not sure what to make of it. Flynn did brief his men about her though. We know that. Because after realizing who she was (whether because Flynn passed around a picture of her or because he said she’d be the woman following them), the man said, “Flynn wants to talk to you.” So Flynn made certain his men knew who Lucy was and that, if found, she should be brought to him, presumably unharmed.

I really think it makes sense that Flynn looked her up beforehand. It makes more sense than him not doing it. Checking up on Lucy just fits Flynn’s character. Not only for curiosity’s sake, but because Flynn won’t be caught unaware again. After Rittenhouse and his family, Flynn researches, he double-checks. The man has become obsessively prepared. It’s like a compulsion he now has. He needs that sense of control so much he doesn’t even delegate unless he has to. He trusts no one. He does everything himself. He’s paranoid something will go wrong. So many episodes, he has to check the journal before allowing himself to act. Even in 1.12, he pulled it out and studied the drawing before approaching Emma’s cabin. He looks before he leaps, and you can’t tell me that doesn’t include investigating Lucy before thrusting them into the situation where they meet. He would want to know her first, familiarize himself a little better.

So yes, he looked her up before stealing the Mothership. Fight me.

I was sailing the river Amazon with Vladimir Putin and he dumped all of my clothes in the river then told me to go search for them. I responded by throwing his wife in the water and telling him to go look for her as well. He then gave me a pair of goggles and we both searched the muddy bottom with no luck of finding anything.

James Potter’s search history from Late 1979-July 1980 if he had access to Google

  • ‘Why do they call it MORNING sickness if she is sick all the time’
  • 'How to stop pregnant wife from throwing things at you when you tell fantastic jokes’
  • 'What is a doctor’
  • 'Are gynecologists perverts’
  • 'Is it ok for a pregnant lady to eat ice cream tacos’
  • 'Is it ok for a man to eat ice cream tacos’
  • 'What is an ultrasound’
  • 'When can your baby start to hear your voice’
  • 'If your baby’s mummy is mad at you is the baby also mad at you’
  • 'Is it ok to have sex with a pregnant lady’
  • 'Can you get married to the same person twice’
  • 'Baby room decorations’
  • 'How to make a mobile’
  • 'How many baby toys is too many baby toys’
  • 'Birth video’
  • 'Is there anything more disgusting than birth’
  • 'How many times are you are allowed to drop a baby’
  • 'Can babies ride on motorbikes’
  • 'Who would win in a race a baby or a cat’
  • 'When can babies learn sports’
  • 'Will my baby need glasses’
  • 'Will my baby like me’
  • 'Sybill Trelawney seer’
  • 'How to go into hiding' 

anonymous asked:

I'm starting to come to accept that this pairing is never getting the respect it deserves. That last episode was full of K18 fluff (big time) but the Vegebul crowd still managed to make the discussion all about their ship because of the ending. Not even the proper ending, just some out-of-context gifs from it. And then rather than Krillin getting respect, seems half the vocal fanbase is shitting on him for daring to get stronger. It's just depressing.

Look, if you have been in this fandom for as long as I have…trust me it’s been like 18 yrs I’ve been here, you just learn to ignore certain things.

Krillin and Eighteen have ALWAYS been an underdog pairing, and yes this is a downright shame, because look at them, they are close to perfection, but I’m afraid this will never change and you know what? Somehow, by now, I don’t find that a bad thing at all. Because even if the majority of the fandom doesn’t care, the few that do are AWESOME. We are just a small community enjoying out favourite pairing and that is how it should be. Let the Vegebul fandom have their fun, or any other shipdom for that matter, we’re still getting our moments to cherish. Super has already been so much greater in terms of giving K18 a spotlight, there is NO WAY I let some other fans ruin my fun, and neither should you. Ship and let ship, ignore the rest.

What I do get mad over is that fact you mention about Krillin though. This character has gone through so much bullsh*t in this fandom, it’s ridiculous. But arguing with people over it gets tiring, especially those who just cannot and will not reason with you. All they see is Krillin the weakling, he deserves nothing etc etc. This is the main reason I founded this blog, to find like-minded Krillin fans to talk with and share things with. Let haters hate, if it makes them happy, let them be the miserable little trolls they want to be. This blog is nothing but support for this amazing character. We see  the growth he went through, we know how much better and stronger he got. People just want to see what they want and complain because they have nothing else to do or their life is so miserably boring or stupid that they have to lash out online.

Krillin rules, he’s the BEST human character with the hottest wife and the CUTEST family, suck on that haters! :P