why-did-i-make-this-tho

realizing you’re on the ace spectrum like

“I’d hit that.” “You… you don’t even know them though??”

“Oh come on, everyone has a list of celebrities they’d totally have sex with if they had a chance.” “Haha yeah ok” *internally* what

"Ya so like for the past few years I’ve felt zero attraction to people I wasn’t friends with first?? Lol what’s up with that”

Why did you have to have sex with them?? Couldn’t you just hold it?? Like pee??

“You’ll meet someone who makes you feel like that someday, don’t worry” “……sounds fake but ok”

“Sex is an important part of a relationship! Everyone has sexual needs!” “….sounds fake but ok”

“Dude that girl is so hot” “I know right?? Look at her fucking eyeliner. Goals. The fuck.” “No I meant like… look at that ass” “Are we looking at the same person are you really focussing on her ass look at how visually appealing her outfit is and dont you dare fuckin tell me that eyeliner isnt fierce as hell

“Aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction are two different things” *puzzle pieces vERY RAPIDLY FALLING INTO PLACE*

*staring at the ceiling at two-thirty in the morning* i could die a virgin and i would regret absolutely nothing

“What’s your ideal girl like?” “Uh… my best friend?” “Oh cute, you want your girlfriend to be the one who knows you best!” “No I meant I am literally only attracted to my best friend she is my ideal girl please help I am dying”

“We’ve been dating for six months and we still haven’t had sex!!” “Have you marathoned Star Wars together yet?” “Yeah we did that like two weeks ago” “Well what more do you want

*thinking about an attractive woman* *dissecting my entire personality and sexuality to figure out why I’m attracted to her this time* is it the muscles. Oh my god is this a sex thing. Oh my god what the hell is this. Oh my god what the fuck is the wtf the fuck the fUCK

*Next day* Zarya could punch me in the face while eating me out and I’d let her but only because she’s a fictional character and therefore could literally never do that

*writing fanfic* ONLY CLOSE FRIENDS HAVE SEX BC ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE MAKES SENSE TO ME

(why is that tho. maybe i should look into that *doesnt look into it*)

“What do you find most attractive in a girl?” “Gotta love those strong emotional bonds” “No I meant like what’s a turn-on for you?” “DID I McFUCKING STUTTER”

*staring at the ceiling at two-thirty in the morning again* sexual attraction should be added to the cryptid wikia

“Yeah sex sounds like a great stress reliever and a nice way to strengthen the bonds between you and your partner(s)” “Well there’s more to it than that…” *The Arctic Monkey’s Do I Wanna Know starts playing in my head* “Haha ok buddy”

"There’s more to being ace than just not being interested in having sex or not feeling sexual attraction. In fact there’s a whole spectrum. You may even feel sexual attraction sometimes but still be ace. You can also be gay and ace at the same time.” “…bro.” “Also it’s totally normal.” *sobbing* “…bro. Bro there are words for it there’s an entire list oh my god-”

“-finally.”

4

Wheeler came to me, too, Reese. When we had that pileup in the blizzard and the pregnant woman almost bled out, he took it hard. I had the chance to reassure him, but I didn’t.

Like I know Neil loves exy more than life itself and almost more than Andrew but I can’t help but think he gets caught up in the stick ball jokes simply because it makes Kevin shit himself. So imagine Neil getting drafted onto his pro-team and saying: “I’m just so thankful for this opportunity. I used to think I wouldn’t make it this far but Stick Ball has given me a reason to live.” And Kevin, who’s in the audience, legit lets out a horrified yelp and the camera pans to him and he’s sobbing.

plisetsky answered:

Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky

2.3K

In which Yuri finds out that Otabek has a tumblr. 

AO3 link


We recently found out that Otabek is “well versed in all kinds of social media” and I am SHOOK. Somewhat inspired by the ask that altisetsky replied to, here’s the fic that no one asked for, but you’re all getting anyway.

cc: @otayuriwriterscollective


He doesn’t mean to pry.

Really, he doesn’t. But Otabek’s left his laptop open on the kitchen counter and it’s unlocked. Otabek is in the shower, so Yuri won’t be disturbed. It’s not like he’s going to go through his personal files or anything, but that’s unmistakably a tumblr dashboard, and Yuri is intrigued. The thought of Otabek having a tumblr is almost of ludicrous as Otabek DJing in his spare time, and – well. Now everyone and their mother has Otabek’s tracks downloaded on their Spotify or iTunes.

So he crosses the room and investigates.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

"Snow..." Baz looked at him incredulously. "That's my textbook ...why are you doing math?"

“Snow…” Baz looked at him incredulously. “That’s my textbook …why are you doing math?”

 "Shh, Baz, I’m trying to figure it out.“ He shushes, and then mutters to himself “so if it takes 130 ml to get…yes…then the average male rat weighs…and then we just divide…perfect…around 26 ml of blood…" 

I can’t stop staring as he continues to plug values into my graphing calculator. His hair is a tangled mess, like he’s been raking his fingers through it in frustration, and I wonder how long he’s been working on this.

 “I’ve got it!” he shouts, and I jump. He turns to me with a triumphant grin, and says, “did you know you need to drain five rats to get a boner?”

leave the first sentence of a fic in my askbox and i will write the next five

anxietycosplay  asked:

WHY DID IT MAKE IT ONLY 100X THAT MADE MINE 300X BETTER ARE YOU CRAZY MISTER (you better be taking good care of yourself love youu)

Hahah it really did tho! It was such a good affirmation to keep my videos open and accessible for all audiences. I hope to continue bringing new topics into the vlogs! Also, I’m doing better and taking care of myself and I hope you are taking care of yourself too, you precious human!

LISTEN HERES THE THING ABOUT CARLISLE JOINING THE VOLTURI THAT FUCKS ME UP THO: 

Caius is insecure in himself and his place in his coven, and Aro knows that, but out of the blue and after literally three-thousand years of being a coven that rules by Aro/Caius/Marcus/Sulpicia/Athenodora and only ever them, Aro just casually invites Carlisle, a vampire with no power or significant talent what so ever and just?? invites him to become this high-ranking coven member, that surpasses the role of a ‘guard’ entirely, and essentially places him on equal levels with the rest of the leaders. 

And then there’s Caius, who’s been fretting over something like this since day one, Caius who has no talent and powers that would otherwise give him a secure position in a coven that puts supernatural abilities over everything else, and the very same Caius that was probably absolutely convinced he was being replaced by Carlisle, and given all the circumstances why would he have reason to believe otherwise?

Tbpd/hpdfw “I’m going to be super outgoing and loud in public to make people like me but then later feel like I was super annoying and regret it with the entirety of my being”

Anti is like a brand-new CD pulled fresh out of the box. It has loads of different artists and the songs are all upbeat and energetic, but they’re not well known and completely unpredictable. For the first few songs on the CD everything is just fine, but once you get about three songs in, despite the disc being new, things begin to get jumpy. Parts are skipped or repeated, it slowly glitches through the words, the voices become strange and distorted, and sometimes the song will even pause altogether for a few long moments before picking up again at a completely different part on full-blast. What’s even stranger is that it’ll follow a pattern; for a while, it’ll repeat the cycle of skipping, jumping, glitching and the whole package. And just when you think you’ve got it figured out, it changes completely for absolutely no reason. You’ve checked the disc countless times for marks and scratches, but the thing looks as it should – brand new. You’ve considered the fact that it may be your radio, but it works perfectly fine with all the other discs you’ve played. It’s gotten to the point where the disc is now jammed in the radio and doesn’t want to come out. It’s been stuck in there for weeks and will begin to play its creepy sounds at random times. Despite all this, you still haven’t gotten rid of the radio and you don’t know why.

Dark is like an old vinyl record that was given to you by older generations of your family. The thing has sat in your closet for years, ignored and practically forgotten until you decided to do a full clean-up and found it in a random box. After finally getting a record player, you start playing it every now and again when you’re alone at home. It plays smooth classical music that you’ve learned to enjoy over time. However, after a few times of playing it, it seems that the tone of the song becomes more eerie. You’re not sure if your ears are playing tricks on you or if there’s something going on with the record or the player itself, but it makes you uncomfortable to play it when you’re alone. After checking the vinyl and the player, you see that there’s nothing wrong and conclude that it’s all in your head. But every time you play it again, you feel as though you’re in some sort of horror movie in your own house. Over time, you notice this sharp ringing in the background and you’re not sure if it’s from the record or another source. It only seems to get louder the more you listen and it begins to hurt your ears, but you don’t stop listening in hopes that one day it’ll stop.There are even a few incidents where the record will suddenly burst into random loud noises, as if someone were screaming throughout the house. It always makes you jump out of your skin. After several incidents like this, you decide that you’ve had enough and decide to put the vinyl out on display rather than playing it. You have no use for both the vinyl and the player now, but you’ve only been able to bring yourself to get rid of the player. There’s just something about that vinyl record that makes you want to go back to it, despite its eeriness.

A Taste of Home

This beautiful post happened, and I couldn’t resist using it as an AU for my own Ryder, Erin! So I take no credit for the concept, just running with it to drench myself in more gross fluff involving Jaal and Ryder :3c

I’m 100% sure I can’t do more justice to Jaal’s side of the story than the original post did, so this is from Ryder’s side of things.

Spoilers for game ending!

Keep reading

My opinion of the moon signs
  • Aries: bro u get me. We both cry at least 28 times a day and lowkey hate having feelings. We can't stand showing people that we are actually big babies and we are too defensive but at LEAST WE GET EACH OTHER.
  • Taurus: ur always centered and calm and a lil bab but if you tell me I'm the only person you've told about something (that you've told everyone) one MORE TIME IM GOING TO SNAP.
  • Gemini: yes, I believe in aliens. No I don't think bigfoot has a vendetta against you. I don't get why you just told me your life story but your mother seems like a nice lady.
  • Cancer: you make me feel like a shitty person because I don't like feelings or being empathetic or putting effort towards other people. IT'S WHATEVER THO.
  • Leo: I see right thru you. I'm a Leo. I know why you are doing that. The Validations™. I know. It's me on the daily. You're doing good tho.
  • Virgo: IF YOU DO NOT CALM DOWN RIGHT NOW. They don't care that you said "you too" when they said "have a good meal". EVERY ONE DOES THAT. DONT WORRY ABOUT IT.
  • Libra: so hot. hot damg. Doesn't know how to pick movies or if they want a bottle or a can. Over compromising champion of the masses. Too nice to be mean to which is hard on me because I'm mean to those I love.
  • Scorpio: what you think you are- murder death fear me am evil. What u actually are- smol bean and afraid to be hurt again, does the same things that you did before that got u hurt in the first place though??
  • Sagittarius: NICE MAKING PLANS. #cancelled. ALWAYS. Also. Nice use of sarcasm to hide ur feels. JK IF YOU MAKE ONE MORE SARCASTIC REMARK ILL YELL. I'm already yelling tho...
  • Capricorn: emotional lil bab. Stop beating yourself up. Its okay to feel things and its okay to admit that you aren't having a good day. BUT IF YOU SASS ME ONE MORE TIME.
  • Aquarius: IF YOU DISTANCE URSELF ANYMORE YOULL BE ENTIRELY IN SPACE. I admire the fact that you can go a whole 24 hours (three years?!??) without crying. I can't achieve that but I have aspirations.
  • Pisces: S T R E S S. M E. O U T. if you do not like the choice. Why did you make it. You are the controller of ur own destiny. Ily but wyd.