why you mad bro

Once upon a time in Berlin I went to a bar w this Swedish dude and we each had our little three drinks and im like lemme stop before I get too carried away so come time to pay I confused “bestellen” and “bezahlen” and ended up ordering 6 more drinks i was sooo mad im like bro why didn’t you help me out i only have like 20€ on me so im sitting there mad as hell and embarrassed, trying to give away drinks to random ppl who were looking at me crazy like I spiked the drink or something (i managed to give one away tho) but ended up having to drink the rest by myself .. the waiters felt bad for me and gave me free tequila shots tho which was nice but only contributed more to my drunkness and i spent the rest of that night just being a hot ass mess its something that haunts me still to this day 🙈

I’m at a quince and my mom wants to take like a ‘selfie’ with me and I hate when people do that and im like no and now she’s mad and I’m like wtf I already took one with you I don’t like being so like skin on skin contact with people much less touching. Except if its sexy time. Then touch me all you want. The only people who cannot have have sexy time with me is my family and dirty people who arnt clean. So please no touching unless you want sexy time.

what actually happened

ashton: *tweets* Leaking is bullshit, I hate it. Artists work hard on songs and want them to be heard at the right time
luke: bro, why are you so mad?
ashton: people leaked our songs :(((
luke: aw, don’t be sad they just want to listen to them early because they love us so much
ashton: yeah, ok…. *tweets*  Although it’s amazing that you wanna listen so early! You feel me!? I’m sure ya do! We got bigger plans you know lol
luke: feeling better now? come here *snuggles ashton and runs fingers through his hair* dude……. your hair is kinda long, maybe you should get a haircut
ashton: AND YOU SHOULD SHAVE YOUR BEARD.