Humans are weird idea: malicious compliance. The aliens either do as they’re told or place an objection if there’s a specific reason, and once ordered to perform a task they do it to the best of their ability because their authority is logical and fair. Then humans show up and start disobeying in a way that is technically correct and they have no idea what to do.
“Human, you were instructed to bring ration packs to the storage bay.”
“There are only two ration packs here.”
“You didn’t say how many you wanted.”
“Why would I request only two? The ship needs to be restocked with supplies for a five-cycle mission.”
“Hey, I’m not a mind reader. You’re going to have to be more specific.”
*sigh* “Human, please bring the entire pallet of ration packs into the storage bay.”
“Human, why is the station’s luggage transport vehicle still in the storage bay?”
“You wanted it taken back out?“
“The vehicle belongs to the station. It doesn’t even fit in the storage bay.”
“Hey, after Tau Alpha you told me not to do anything unless I was ordered to. Nobody told me the forklift needed to be put away again.”
*alien turns rather purplish and makes a low hissing noise*
“…If you want me to put the forklift back you’re gonna need to give me an order, sir.”
Harry glanced skeptically through the small containers his girlfriend had laid in front of him. His eyes flew from her hands back to her face that supported a small, excited smile to confirm that she was in fact serious about this. Spa day, she had exclaimed, clapping her hands together happily. She said it was both of what the two needed, a full day of pampering and loving their skins until they were glowing of healthiness.
Who was Harry to disrupt his girlfriend’s moment of glory? Besides, she had finally convinced the boy to accompany her after weeks of imploring at large puppy eyes, which he couldn’t seem to resist anymore. Anyways, the thought of relaxing with the girl he loved…along with her skin itching to be rubbed with oil by his large hands…yeah. That’s something he’d like. Although reluctant of what to expect, Harry agreed to a spa day.
oh, shit, people actually asked me to follow up on Preaching The Good Word of A Functional Alignment System, okay
i hope you people know what you’re unleashing here
(whole thing prompted by this right here, notably including the tag #unpopular opinion: the definition of lawful and chaotic has been thoroughly twisted over the years since od&d)
So some of you (the ones who didn’t request this) might be wondering: “Alterz, why would you want to go back to the old alignment method? If people generally agree on the new alignment definitions then why confuse things by trying to change them? Is this just some old system nostalgia?”
Well 1) I’m too young by far for old system nostalgia but more importantly 2) people don’t? agree????? on the alignments???????
And that’s a problem, because the whole point of the alignments is to give some rough guidelines on how any given character is likely to act. It should be inarguable. The very fact that people can have arguments over what an alignment is means that the system has failed.
If you look in the alignment section on the more recent D&D editions, they literally have to go into detail on each alignment to explain what each one means. Worse still, for a system theoretically set up as a gradient, the different alignments are basically buckets and it gets really confusing if a character doesn’t neatly fit into one of those buckets.
Some examples from characters I have actually played: a mercenary who I labeled as neutral because I could make equally compelling arguments for why he should be lawful neutral, chaotic neutral, neutral good, and neutral evil. A hermit who at any given time was chaotic neutral or neutral good, but could never reliably be described as chaotic good.
Under the system I’m about to provide you, the mercenary is inarguably chaotic neutral and the hermit is unambiguously lawful good. End of sentence, all cleared up.
“Why would you do that to me, Uma? I had her!” You exclaimed, your words dripping in venom as you pushed through the doors of Ursulas Fish and Chips and threw yourself into one of the booths.
“You and I both know you had nothing on her, Y/N.” Uma persisted, not even giving you a look as she made her way past you. “You’re too emotionally attached.”
You gave Uma a daring glare, your eyes traveling over her unfazed figure as she nonchalantly made her way up the stairs and behind the bar.
“Of course I’m emotionally attached! Mal was my best friend!”
Uma gave you a small scoff, her leather covered hands gently reaching out and retrieving a cloth to clean her sword. “Yeah, she was. That’s the point, Y/N. She was your best friend, but she’s not anymore.” She explained. “She abandoned you. She abandoned us. You didn’t accept that 6 months ago, and you still haven’t accepted it now. If I would have let you fight her, she would have destroyed you, and if she would have destroyed you, you’d be even more useless than you are now.”
You let out a laugh, the feeling of disbelief and anger taking over your body. “You know what, Uma? How about you go -”
“Ladies, ladies!” A voice called out, the smooth sound of their scottish accent immedietly making you register that it was Harry. “What’s done is done. There’s no point in fighting about it. Right, Y/N?”
You sighed, the sound of your boyfriends words ringing in your ears and calming you nerves. “Yeah, whatever.” You exclaimed, gently digging the heels of your hands into your eyes and letting out a shaky breath. “I’m sorry, Uma.”
Uma gave you a slight tsk, her eyes looking at you with disappointment as she and the fellow crew mates made their way through the doors and out onto the deck.
“Starting a fight with Uma? Are you serious, Y/N? If it was anyone but you she would have thrown them overboard.” Harry lectured, his hand reaching out and gripping yours as he sat down next to you.
“I know.” You proclaimed, squeezing his hand in reassurance. “I just…I just can’t believe it. Mal was my best friend, my sister, and she just left me on this Isle like I was a piece of garbage ” You stuttured, tears immedetly beginning to fall down your face. “And then for her to come back here and not even apologize? Are you kidding me? Did our friendship mean nothing to her?”
“Mal isn’t worth your tears, okay?” Harry whispered, a slight trace of anger lacing his voice as he kissed the thick droplets of water off of your cheeks. “She doesn’t deserve to have you as a friend, and they sure as hell don’t deserve to have you at that school.”
You gave him a small nod, your eyes looking at nothing but the black table in front of you. “Maybe you’re right, but that doesn’t change how I feel.”
Harry let out a sad sigh, his free arm gently wrapping around your waist before pulling you into him, his hand resting in your hair and softly combing through it.
“I know you’re sad, Y/N. But please, don’t cry. I hate seeing you cry.” Harry comforted, his hand leaving yours and lightly tapping your chin.”Your beautiful face is breaking my heart.”
You rolled your eyes, your boyfriends cheesy attempt at cheering you up having a slight affect as you cuddle yourself into him.
“I know. I’m sorry.” You apologize. “You’re probably tired of hearing me whine about it all the time. I mean, no wonder Uma thought I was too emotional to fight.”
“No, that’s not it!” Harry exclaimed, “I really just hate seeing you get hurt, especially when it’s over something as overrated as Auradon Prep.”
You gave him a knowing nod, breathing in deeply as you finally began to slow your tears. “I know, Harry. I just….I can’t live here. I can’t survive here. I’m not good enough.”
Harry shook his head, the disagreement evident on his face. “You, my love, are stronger than every single person in this crew combined.” He began, his hands cupping you face and bringing you closer to him. “If anyone can survive on this island, it’s you, and you have to believe me on that.”
“You’re wrong, Harry. I -”
“Believe me.” He interrupted, gently connecting his lips with yours and giving you a soft kiss.
You kissed him back, the feeling of his lips molding with yours warming your heart and fogging your mind from any negative thoughts that were coming your way. Smiling against his lips, you leaned further into him, the simple words ‘believe me’ lingering in your head as you kissed him deeper, the all too familiar taste of your boyfriends lips heavy on your tongue.
Yuuri loving them because they were so comfortable and practical and easy to wash.
He didn’t realise how god awful they were, and just thought it was some weird accident that he kept finding them put out with the garbage (Mari did it, she tried, okay?).
The triplets hiding the crocs on numerous occasions, until Yuuri thought it was the bright colour that was attracting them, so he stopped wearing them to the Ice Castle.
Victor seeing Yuuri in them for the first time when they went out for dinner and actually clutching his heart and stumbling back into a wall in terror as he realised his crush was a huge nerd - and not in a cute way this time.
Victor telling Yuuri outright they were horrible, but Yuuri assuming he was just being overly picky about fashion.
Yuuri coming home to the big bonfire of his clothes and being extremely confused and Victor holding his gaze as he tossed the red monstrosities onto the top of the burning pile.
Yuuri finally giving in and having to admit that maybe people really did hate them.
Yuuri giving Victor a pair of fluffy pink ones for Christmas one year as a joke, and Victor crying until Yuuri threw them out.
Pairing: Yoongi x
reader Genre: hybrid!au, fluff (later), smut (later later) Words: 2.6k+ Warnings: The MC gets a lil sad, mentioned death of a family member, swears Notes: This was going to be a oneshot, then a two-shot, and now it’s a
mess. I split it so the transitions would be smoother and it wouldn’t feel as
rushed as it would were it all in the one scenario. More parts to come!
(forgive the terrible summary)
After your grandmother
passed she left everything to you. Her house, her fortune, and apparently… her
cat? The grumpy male hybrid you encounter at her house is anything but the tame
housecat you’d expected to find. Fulfilling your grandmother’s last request to
look after him becomes a lot harder when he seems to be avoiding you, and your
dissatisfied relatives start stirring up trouble.