why wont anyone dance with me

all the kings horses & all the kings men

unpacking the narrative. you want to know why i drove to ohio and so do i, why i thought georgia could save me. why they burnt atlanta to the ground. never liked peaches or pennsylvania to begin with. so this dance this barefoot black tracks through the back yard of where i said i’d leave you but never could. twisted precious pressure amen and ankles and who tied the cinderblocks to mine who taught me how to swim. bound by the magic tricks i spent nights in knots believing were real. so who are the poems about. how many times have i lied. whos hair was in the shower drain. black or brown. paper or plastic. which hotel. what city. whatever. who put the bleeding earth in your hands. it wasn’t me. why chesapeake keeps tabs on me. the real questions. momentum. lack thereof. you know i sob to freyr by peter broderick. i also sob to songs that sound like freyr by peter broderick. in gusts of wind that remind me of your voice. i cant control it these days. my heart gets dressed up in its ugliest easter egg pink. the soft parts exposed. like changing tires on interstate in february. so i still never told you how black her hair was. why she never told her parents or why i told mine. is that why you’ve come to the edge of the world. to sweat and to swear at old photos. i have to prove you existed. you’re more tangible in a story than in my arms. and all along i saw you and all your intentions paving the road to hell. so we’re twisting its so close to something always something. someone’s asking how. how’d you get all these holes. down with the ship. we got away from the point again. here goes. nothing. my bottom of the sea impression. coughing up whatever. someone went missing. i imagined hanging posters on telephones poles in town but cropping you out of the picture. its just our hands. our accidental everything. only you would recognize the moment. it was the day everything came apart. the day i fed randy in cincinatti. though we drove away in a hyundai. he cried. i cried. you didn’t. would you remember the way our fingers locked together. i wondered how you let me go. it was calculated. i calculated empty chairs at holiday dinners. the aftermath. you know i measured the difference by distance. georgia and ohio. the day i drove to dayton and back again. where i was going. why. what it meant. how unrequited you became. i became a drifter. wandering for warmth. you became a music box. i became something else. the life or death aesthetic. the way you hang up the phone. the planets aligning. amen. can you feel the dance in your feet yet. or why your car keys are in you hand. me either. i cling to all the wars i know i’ll lose. the absence is its own absence. i was so close to you that i couldn’t see you. and this is just the beginning. the preamble. wrapping up the loose ends. the string on my jacket i wont cut off. the green eyes of strangers i get lost in. how i don’t trust the blue ones. how i never loved anyone as much as

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Why won’t anyone dance with me?

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