why though

 You’re nice and an amazing chef —— there’s no way I’m letting you go. 

So I work at a pet store and I had some woman walk in today looking for dog treats. I showed her to a case where we keep a bunch of locally made treats that dogs go crazy for. I wanted to really convince her to buy them, so I told her that they were FDA approved, so even humans could eat them since so many owners worry about what is in their pets food. She said that she would take a few and pulled one out of the case, and in the middle of me explaining that she could put them in a paper bag to hold on to, she just. Takes a fucking bite of this dog treat.

SO IM JUST

MA'AM

THATS NOT QUITE WHAT I MEANT

Overly Suspicious

When you’re trying to figure out who’s really your friend, and who’s just being nice to you because you’re in a wheelchair.

A genuinely nice person: Hey!! How’s it going??

Me:

Originally posted by redloho

[GIF combining three memes of Ned Flanders looking suspicious through the window. While Fry slides in from the left with his suspicious face, and Leonardo DiCaprio sliding in from the bottom right, with his squinty face from Inception.]

Legit conversation between me and my husband.  He has dual monitors; on one monitor is the scene above, the other has my desktop and Tumblr open, just as I’m about to do blog things.  The scene with Samuel there is very clearly visible from the door as he’s getting ready for bed.

Husband (accusingly): AUP.  TUB WITHOUT A DUCK!

Me: Well on your third monitor (out of his view) there’s totally a duck.

Me: Come in and see.

Husband: NO!  I mean on that tub there [on the first monitor].  There’s no duck.

Me (finally noticing): Oh.  Well I’ll add one.  >_>;

Husband: You better.  I’ll be right back.


Me: There!

Husband: Oh.  That’s better.  … wait, it’s not smiling and happy.  >:|

Me: … well… the smiling one isn’t my default.  :[  I CAN GET ONE

Husband: I don’t have all day.  >:|  This better be the happiest damned duck ever.

Me: There!

Husband (suddenly conflicted): …. that one has a hat.

Me (proudly): It’s Santa Ducky!

Husband: … it has a hat though.  I don’t know how to feel anymore.

(Husband goes to bed.)

Me: ….

I have to share this shit because so much facepalming.

The only reason Artyom and Tarik bothered to break apart was when Willow went and ruined her dress, as they do.

And they had to break apart in only that way they know how: awkwardly and possibly lewdly in nature depending on just how kinked your hose has become.

Broken, they still weren’t “broken”.  :|

I’m not sure who had the better time getting to know another man really closely.