Hey, it’s Hannah. Hannah Baker. Don’t adjust your, whatever device you’re hearing this on. It’s me, live and in stereo. No return engagements, no encore, and this time, absolutely no requests. Get a snack. Settle in.
Today I am wearing lacy black underwear
For the sole purpose of knowing I am wearing them.
And underneath that?
I am absolutely naked.
And I’ve got skin. Miles and miles of skin;
I’ve got skin to cover all my thoughts
like saran wrap that you can see through
to what leftovers are inside from the night before.
And despite what you might think, my skin is not rough; nor is it bullet proof.
My skin is soft, and smooth, and easily scarred.
But that doesn’t matter, right?
You don’t care about how soft my skin is.
You just want to hear about what my fingers do in the dark.
But what if all they do is crack open windows?
So I can see lightening through the clouds.
What if all they crave is a jungle gym to climb for a taste of fresher air?
What if all they reach for is a notebook or a hand to hold?
But that’s not the story you want.
You are licking your lips and baring your teeth.
Just once I would like to be the direction someone else is going.
I don’t need to be the water in the well.
I don’t need to be the well.
But I’d like to not be the ground anymore.
I’d like to not be the thing people dig their hands in anymore.
Some girls know all the lyrics to each other’s songs.
They find harmonies in their laughter.
Their linked elbows echo in tune.
What if I can’t hum on key?
What if my melodies are the ones nobody hears?
Some people can recognize a tree,
A front yard, and know they’ve made it home.
How many circles can I walk in before I give up looking?
How long before I’m lost for good.
It must be possible to swim in the ocean of the one you love without drowning.
It must be possible to swim without becoming water yourself.
But I keep swallowing what I thought was air.
there seems such a cruel irony in how 13 reasons why is a netflix series - 13 episodes, released all at once, for us to work our way through in the same way as the 13 could. did you binge watch all in one night, like alex? or did you have to watch it in bits and pieces because it was all too horrific, like clay? is it doing things to your head too? is everyone talking about it at school? is everyone talking about hannah baker again?
“Clay. Helmet. Your name does not belong on this list. But you need to be here if I’m going to tell my story. If I’m going to explain why I did what I did. Because you aren’t every other guy. You’re different. You’re good and kind and decent. And I didn’t deserve to be with someone like you. I never would. I would have ruined you. It wasn’t you. It was me.”
Zach Dempsey is such a little cinnamon roll like wtf
Clay literally keyed his car, with bold writing in a very obvious spot.
Zach wasn’t even mad. He just felt bad about what happened before.
And then what about when Marcus Cooley got a little too close for comfort at the Valentine’s Date thing.
All the other jocks laughed at Hannah, but Zach just looked really shocked and sad :c
And he tried to talk to her and make her smile, twice, the second time literally in front of the whole canteen, in front of his friends.
he even kept the damn note
Why is he so adorable? Damn you Reggie Mant- Zach
CHEEKY EDIT: wow this blew up, anyways as I was saying. I’m not trying to excuse what Zach did, he retaliated impulsively which obviously wasn’t the right thing to do. I’m just saying, as others pointed out, he was sorry. He was too late but he was sorry. He’s a lot more genuine then some of the others on those tapes *COUGH* BRYCE AND COURTNEY *COUGH*, although he’s clearly not as morally straight as people like Clay. What Reggi- Zach did may have been smaller than what some of the others did, but Hannah was pretty depressed at this point and if Zach had actually persisted with trying to reach out to her rather than making it worse, she could still be alive. That goes for all of them :)