why the hell does it remind me so much of destiel though

12x12 Episode Review - Still Screeching...this time about the colour “Peach”.

I gave my 12x10 episode review the title “Pterodactyl Screeching into the Void” because I was so happy about it I couldn’t help but scream with glee at practically every moment. I also said this: “I feel like there is so much to talk about in this episode that fandom will be chewing on it for months if not years to come.” I still believe this, I just didn’t expect that two episodes later I would be reliving this exact same thoughts and feelings. I considered 12x10 to be a one off, a glorious gift to fandom wrapped in a big destielicious bow. Clearly, we celebrate our fandom birthday only two weeks before fandom Christmas because we just got ANOTHER gift wrapped in an even BIGGER destielicious bow and I can hardly contain my glee. (baring in mind fandom Christmas falls on the tenth anniversary of tumblr and close to valentines day I can’t help but feel this was planned - PRESENTS ALL AROUND)

But anyway. Lets talk meta. Once again I am very late to the party as I doubt I will be posting this any earlier than Saturday evening when you have probably all been talking this to death for the past two days. But eh, I’m gonna do my thing and hope you all agree, or aren’t bored by now if everything I talk about is stuff already gone over by my fellow very talented meta writers.

Starting with the obvious, Director Dick Speight Jr and Writer Davy Perez made this episode an homage to Tarantino movies. Specifically Reservoir Dogs which has so many ties to this episode both visually and subtextually that it is kind of difficult to keep track of my thoughts on it. I have to confess, I hadn’t ever watched Reservoir Dogs all the way through prior to watching the episode because it never really interested me. However, after watching the episode for the first time Friday lunch time I decided that it was in my best interests as a meta writer to give it a go. I watched it and tried to take in everything Tarantino was saying and doing with this movie… 

Being a meta writing, destiel shipper with heteronormative goggles permanently removed since watching this show guess what the first thing I picked up on was? That’s right Mr White and Mr Orange… what WAS going on there anyway? Because these guys didn’t know each other very long but they became VERY close by the time of the heist. Poor Freddie and Larry. Such doomed tragic lovers… do we have a ship name for them yet? Frarry? Leddie? Or maybe just “peach” (hence my title)

I believe that when Perez was writing this episode he had a SPN character in mind for each character in RD (mostly anyway). Cas is obviously Mr Orange (the bleeding out from the stomach thing gives it away as does Davy’s tweet here. Here is who I think the rest of the characters are supposed to be:

Dean – Mr White (duh)

Mary – Mr Pink

Wally – Mr Brown

Sam – Nice Guy Eddie maybe? I struggled here

Crowley – I wanna say Joe. (though I also kinda think Ketch would be Joe here… its not too obvious)

Remiel – Mr Blonde (“yellow” hair)

Explanations and various meta under the cut. This gets long:

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Stuck in the Middle (with You)/Awesome Crowley

[For a meta about Reservoir Dogs and Tarantino’s use of gay subtext, click here.]

I don’t want to be the person who ruins everyone’s fun, so I’m saving my one big criticism of this episode for last. This meta is completely positive, even saccharine, until the very last paragraph. Also, I’m borrowing one of my favourite AO3 tags as a title because, let’s face it, Crowley was the real hero of this episode and where the action was, and that’s perfectly okay and long overdue. Crowley’s been around for years now, and he’s gone through huge bouts of character development, and yet we still know next to nothing about him and he’s often treated like an afterthought, both by our heroes and by the writers. This episode finally (finally!) corrected that, because no matter how intriguing and plain beautiful everyone was, Crowley was magnificent - as I fully expected him to be.

After all, they’re good - but he’s Crowley.

Like anyone with eyes, I loved everything about this episode, and especially how it was filmed. I have to say - this is the first episode in a long time that actually had me in tenterhooks about a possible character death, because you never know, right? Theoretically, Crowley could die, and so could Cas. Theoretically. And also the music, did I mention the music? I think that scene of Cas crawling away from Ramiel and the shot of Ramiel stabbing him - that’s just become my favourite Supernatural scene ever, bar none. It was so powerful and dramatic and visually magnificent and that damn music - wow

I adored that symbolism, because Cas’ been a Christ figure for a while now, and seeing him like that, on his back, defeated and stabbed by a lance - you can’t get more Golgotha than that. Beautiful stuff.

I also loved that this episode was, in a way - off-centre. Sam and Dean were there, of course, but the story was not focused around them. The real protagonist was the supernatural world itself - Cas, Crowley, Ramiel; even Lucifer, to me, was more present than he’s been in a while, what with this vague threat of his child hanging over the world, and him taunting Crowley and flashing his red eyes at this most undemonic demon in the very last scene. The truth is, I love everything about Sam and Dean, and that includes the incredibly talented actors who play them, but I feel the show could benefit greatly from approaching their story from a different perspective every once in a while. I’d love to know more about their childhood, for instance, or about this world of monsters and hunters around them; and a completely Outsider POV episode is, at this point, something I’d probably sell half my soul for.

Anyway - lately, this show reads like very good fanfiction, and considering how engaged, loving and talented this fandom is, this is high praise. I particularly appreciate the fact they’re going back to important plot points and filling them in with completely new details - after all, we’ve been wondering for years what’s up with demonic eyes, or how Crowley became king in the first place (or, at least, I know I did). This new class of demons appearing out of nowhere - creatures powerful enough to wield an archangel’s weapon - that’s incredible stuff. I’m guessing we’ll see more about them, and I can’t freaking wait.

So, yes - Ramiel was spot-on. Jerry Trimble managed just the right mixture of underwhelmingly normal and terrifyingly amoral - so much so I’m sort of sad we didn’t get to see more of this character, even if everything about him, including his death, was handled just right - there was no room for anything more.

My one slight criticism there would be the fizzling nature of Cas’ abilities. For instance, didn’t we establish that Cas can smell lies? So why couldn’t he guess Mary was hiding something? And what about demons’ true forms? I always assumed Cas could see that (was it ever stated in canon? it must have been), and I was therefore almost disappointed that Cas couldn’t recognize Ramiel for what he was. Maybe it can be explained away by him slowly becoming closer and closer to a human being - I don’t know. In any case, I’m truly appreciating how obsessed everyone seems to be with him lately. After years of taking angels for granted, we’ve got two characters in short succession fangirling over angels (in a creepy, murderous and definitely non-con way, but still) - and, yeah, I know that basically everyone spent the entirety of Supernatural pointing out how different and unique Cas is, and I’m grateful for that, but it’s also nice to get a reminder that angels are awesome (in the other sense of the word) in and of themselves.

(I’m still loving Mr Ketch, by the way. Aaaaaw.)

Let’s now come to our unsung hero: Mr Crowley.

Crowley was magnificent in all this. And we’ve now learned he never seriously planned to become King of Hell - my headcanon, which I’m considering confirmed, is that Crowley simply wants control. He’s been tortured for a century or more as some demon tore his human soul out of him, and he’s never putting himself in that position again, which is very sensible of him, and also very Scarlett O’Hara.

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It’s Sam who notices first.

“Uh, Cas?” he says, voice stilted and awkward and definitely grabbing Dean’s attention. He looks over towards the dining table, temporarily ignoring the pancakes.

“Yes, Sam?” Cas asks. His hair is a mess of bedhead, his pajama pants and shirt are borrowed from Dean and a little too big on him, but nothing seems out of the ordinary.

“What are you wearing?” Sam asks. He sounds like he knows but needs confirmation before he books a first-class ticket to Weirded-Out-ville. Cas frowns. So does Dean. Cas tilts his head, thinking, then realization crosses his face.

That makes one of them, at least.

“You mean these?” Cas lifts the hem of his T-shirt just a little, enough so that both Sam and Dean can see the pink satin and lace peeking above his low-slung drawstring pants. “I found them in the clean laundry and they seemed soft.”

All of the blood in Dean’s body does two things in quick succession; it drains from his face and rushes straight south. There’s a roaring in his ears and for a moment, there are only two thoughts in his head;

1) Oh shit, he forgot to hide his panties, and

2) Oh shit, Cas was wearing his panties.

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 Castiel sat on a chair, overlooking a lake. The water was calm today, and the birds sang softly in the distance. There was a nice light coming over on him, warm, but it did not settle the overwhelming amount of sadness that was deep inside him. Only hours ago, Dean had walked to his death, to take out the Darkness. He had succeeded and the world had been restored, and now God was gone again, and so was Dean. With his death, Dean had taken all the light in Castiel’s world, leaving him with nothing but this—a memory.

Dean had left him again, Dean had chosen to leave Castiel alone in this world. The angel would have to once more, figure out a way to live without him. Over and over again this kept happening to him, but now it was permanent. Now, it was all over.

For an angel in love, being along was a terrifying idea. As far as Castiel knew, angels tended to love for life. There were some to take mates over the years of their immortal life, if they fluttered down or fell from heaven, but amongst the very few who had found love, they had never found it again for the rest of their life. Or if they did, never on the same kind of level as their soulmate.

Castiel knew deep in his heart that Dean was his soulmate, but he had never acted on it. Dean was someone who liked the company of women, and Castiel was not the person to get in the way of whatever it was that made Dean happy. It was a cruel twist of fate, to love someone who did not love you back, but Castiel would have given up the world for Dean regardless. Dean considered him a brother, and that would have to be enough.

Not that any of it mattered now, Dean was gone.

Castiel shook his head and put it in his hands, trying to focus on his breathing. He was doing it on purpose to hurt himself more by thinking about it; even this place now, he had been here in a dream once with Dean. He had come here to pass on a message, at the very beginning of their friendship, when he chose to side with Dean instead of his brothers in heaven. Every moment in his immortal life was centered on Dean Winchester, every important memory, every moment of joy, anger and sadness. Every moment that mattered, that was worth remembering happened with Dean.


Castiel looked up from his hands and to his side. Chuck Shurley—no, God—was there sitting next to him suddenly. He was wearing jeans, a shirt with a band Castiel did not recognize on it, and a grey cardigan over that. Something burned inside Castiel, anger maybe, but before it could flare any higher, the angel was hit with a wave of exhaustion. He could not even muster up enough energy to get angry at his Father.

“Hello Father.”

God rubbed his beard and put a hand over Castiel’s. The touch surprised him enough that he pulled away, shaking his head. “Castiel—”

“Why are you here?” Castiel demanded. He was too tired to be angry, but not too tired to be rude.

“To talk to you about Dean Winchester.”

“That is the last thing I want to talk about, especially with you.” Castiel crossed his arms over his chest and kept every tear that was burning behind his eyes in. He could imagine so perfectly what Dean would be doing if he was here. He would laugh and look over at God and say something ridiculous like ‘I wouldn’t piss him off Padre’.

“There are things you need to know, Castiel. Things from even before you met Dean.”

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Free to Be You and Me

The wonderful, beautiful Kari ( @thing-you-do-with-that-thing ) made a gorgeous Destiel aesthetic for me. This one shot is based off of that.

Warning: smut, bottom!Cas, NSFW picture

Word Count: 2050

A/N: Thanks for the inspiration, Kari! I put the very NSFW aesthetic under the cut. Hope ya’ll enjoy this! Feedback always appreciated.

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anonymous asked:

Any fics w/ a nerdy, shy, loner Cas? And maybe a popular, bully Dean? I know you don't like highschool fics but please help me. thanks, you are so awesome and i love this blog!

Hi! We’ve done quite a few HS recs already, so it might be hard for us to find you something new to read… but we will try! HERE is our previous High school related recs. Just scroll through the recs and I’m sure you’ll find a lot of fics that fit to what you are looking for! And here’s a few new one’s that we haven’t recced before. – Admin A

Title: Don’t Ever Look Back

Author: Misachan

Rating: Explicit

Words: 36,039 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: This was pretty good for a HS fic. No super ridiculous drama being thrown on your face from every direction. Decent plotline with not too many twists and turns to lose track. So for someone like me who hates HS fics in general, this was a pretty good read and I actually even enjoyed it ^^

Summary: Another day, another town; when their bounty hunter father enrolls he and Sam in yet another school Dean thinks this will just be another town he’ll forget five minutes after he leaves it. Things get more interesting when Sam befriends a classmate of Dean’s and the lonely boy with the strange name and stranger family slowly gets under Dean’s skin. Their new friendship gets complicated when it becomes clear that Castiel’s brothers aren’t just strange, they’re dangerous, and the secrets they keep and the sins they bury have a lot to do with Dean. It would all be bad enough even without Dean starting to worry that maybe friendship isn’t all he wants.

( Read here )

Title: Right Place, Right Time

Author: the_new_thing

Rating: Explicit

Words: 18,873 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: I was torn between giving this two stars or three. On one hand I did like it a lot because again, this exceeded my low expectations for being a HS fic. But then there were parts where I had hoped that the author would have given me more… you know lower lows to get to higher highs. There was drama sure, which is given with Cas and Sam being together in the beginning, but I wish the drama would have been dealt with more vivid descriptions of each of the characters feelings. Lol, maybe I’m being too harsh and asking for way more than I should. I just hate seeing great potential being wasted. Still, it was a pretty good read and if you like HS fics, you should definitely give this a go!

Summary: When Sam brings his new boyfriend, Castiel, home to meet Dean, Dean is expecting the usual: to hate Castiel and to have to give him the “older brother” speech. What he discovers when he meets Cas is a hell of a lot different. Meanwhile, Sam struggles with maintaining a passing grade in chemistry, a relationship with his closest friend, and his confusing feelings regarding Cas’ older brother, Gabriel.

( Read here )

Title: High School Destiel

Author: CastielsGirlBecca

Words: 39,326 – Finished

Rating: Mature

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: This was a little more on the juvenile side for me, but I can tell that everyone who likes HS fics will probably like this. It’s not the best one out there but it’s not terrible either. Also the fact that I didn’t completely hate it probably means that others might love it!

Summary: It’s high school and Dean Winchester is the most popular boy on campus. Everyone loves him, he is brilliant, winning every dodge ball championship ever, even has the best girl in school, Lisa Braeden. Castiel is a nerd, all teachers love him, only has two friends and never got in trouble in his whole life. However, all of this is about to change as the boys are put in detention…

( Read here )

Title: Resignation

Author: jolayne

Rating: Mature

Words: 29,470 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: Catholic school will forever remind me of Almodóvar’s La mala educación. If you have not seen that movie, you should! Anyway, this was a pretty good story all in all. It’s been awhile since I read this so I have to rely on the notes I’ve written, which pretty much reads: “Catholic school + forbidden relationship is awesome. Doesn’t suck!” lol so yeah, those seem to be my thoughts on this story.
Note to self: write better notes in the future!

Summary: When John sends his sons to an all-boys Catholic school, Dean thinks his life is basically over. It’s his senior year, and Dean’s never wanted anything for himself, resigned to a life following his workaholic father’s footsteps. And then Dean meets Castiel, his perplexing new roommate who’s dealing with some heavy resignation of his own. They pirate movies, punch people, and set each other free.

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Title: Perfect to Me

Author: Kimisha

Words: 77,312 – Finished

Rating: Mature

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: This needs a beta, I’m not a grammar nazi like admin J, but this needs a beta. It’s not all that bad really, it just needs to be tweaked a little. Again, this was on the juvenile side for me (like 90% of HS fics are), but there was a solid plot throughout the fic. So that’s a plus.

Summary: Human Dean/Cas AU. Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester were friends once, when high school rolled around and social status took hold, they drifted apart. Could an unfortunate event bring them together again?

( Read here )

Title: I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Author:  wolfrider89

Rating: Explicit

Words: 20,000 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: This did not work for me. The pacing was off, characters and their relationships seemed shallow and very one dimensional, plot was nothing special… Just a basic HS fic with nothing really worth mentioning. And why am I reccing this? Well, you all know my feelings towards these fics, so when I say I don’t like something… it probably means that it’s at least okayish to the majority of readers! Plus this is only 20k of words so it’s not a terrible waste of time even if you wouldn’t like it^^

Summary: Cas was pretty sure he hadn’t done anything to warrant Dean’s rage - he hadn’t scratched the paint on his motorcycle or teased his brother or done any of the millions of things that Dean Winchester got pissed about - but this was the school rebel, the troublemaker, the attitude problem with legs, and he was walking up to Cas. So yeah, Cas was freaking.

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Title: In This Secluded Spot I Respond As I Wouldn’t Dare Elsewhere

Author: RhymePhile

Rating: Explicit

Words: 33,953 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: I loved this! Actually fucking loved it! And if you know me, that’s a lot for me to say about a HS fic! I should not be so harsh and condemn the whole genre just because a few (too many) bad apples. I apologize to all of you who have been offended by my previous words about HS fics… even though they are mostly true :’D

Summary: It’s 1995, and Castiel’s high school years are destined to be difficult: home-schooled until eighth grade, he is awkward, shy, and socially inept. The weird kid with the funny name would rather isolate himself and draw in his sketchbook than deal with the constant bullying he faces every day. Things only get worse in his junior year when he excels in home economics class, leading the captain of the baseball team, Alastair, to start taunting him for being gay.

Then new student Dean Winchester arrives at Flour Bluff High School, sharing many of Castiel’s classes. Castiel has seen his type before – handsome, athletic, arrogant, and sure to be the most popular kid in school. But Castiel eventually learns that he and Dean have more in common than he thought, and they form an unlikely friendship.

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Title: We’re The Cliché

Author: endversed

Rating: Explicit

Words: 28,841– Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: Despite the bad grammar, this fic was pretty good. I hope that this fic has since been betaed because it’s been over a year/years since I read this!

Summary: Dean Winchester is new to the senior year, and he’s kind of your stereotypical bad boy. Castiel Novak does not want to sleep with him. He doesn’t.

( Read here )

anonymous asked:

Do the post you linked I wouldnt say Cas fits that definition of a true neutral "i just want myself and the people i care about to be happy". Cas doesnt priortise his personal happiness as at all (reminds me more of Mary actually) I'd say Cas is a chaotic good. "i’m willing to do whatever it takes as long as it’s to do the right thing" Thats one of Cas' major stories for me, the "willing to whatever it takes" (I did what I had to do) his struggle if ends justify the means, what IS right etc

Yeah, but - is what Cas wants the right thing, though? Okay, apparently he still doesn’t care (much) if he himself lives or dies, but everything he does is directed at making sure Dean (and Sam, and now apparently Mary) are okay. And, I mean, I like them an awful lot, but putting them first whatever the cost isn’t ‘doing the right thing’. It’s ‘I want the people I care about to be happy’. Look at what happened in S11 - if Cas hadn’t helped Sam, Dean would have died (or Death would have put him on the Moon or whatever) and the world would have been okay. Look at how many people died because of Amara. Look at the destruction she caused. Look at how close she came to obliterating the whole world. And this thing with Billie, that’s exactly the same thing. ‘What lives, dies’ - that’s not unreasonable. And when he needed to get out of that prison, Dean did make a deal with her with full knowledge of the facts - and I say ‘her’, but Billie is actually a thing, isn’t she, a creature we know almost nothing about, other than she seems even more powerful than the angels, if not God himself - and Cas broke that deal, by killing Billie, even if he’d been warned there would be ‘cosmic’ consequences. 

So, you know - I adore Cas, and I think it’s fascinating to see him learn about love, but I can’t help but thinking this is why relationships between humans and angels are forbidden - because angels are black and white creature, and they’re incredibly powerful. Most of the shit that happened after S5 happened because Cas didn’t want to hurt Dean (because by then, he’d started to care too much about him). Cas went to Crowley, who’s insane and pitched him that insane Purgatory plan, because he didn’t want to bother Dean and put him in danger again. That’s what caused everything else - Cas absorbing the souls, losing his mind, ‘dying’, the Leviathans taking over. After that, he sacrificed his own sanity for Sam’s - something that, again, rationally made zero sense. Cas is more powerful than Sam, and arguably, he would have been more useful against the Leviathans. But he couldn’t bear the fact Sam was suffering because of him, and he needed needed needed Dean to forgive him (“I will find a way to redeem myself to you”). He was thinking with his heart, not his brain, and that’s why he ended up in a psych ward and was kept out of the fight as the Leviathans turned half of North America into a pig farm. And, sure, he came back and went to war because Dean asked him to, so this affection thing can work in the world’s favour from time to time, but the whole ‘trusting Metatron and making the angels Fall’ thing - that, again, was Cas trying to mimic Dean and doing what Dean would have done - what Dean was doing, actually, in sacrificing his own brother so the Gates of Hell would be closed forever. Of course, it’s not all there is - Metatron also gave Cas a sense of purpose, of direction, that Cas had lacked ever since he gave in to Dean and started to ignore destiny and prophecy, but you see my point? Crowley may love Dean, but he’s still too much of a self-involved demon to actually give everything for Dean, which makes him less dangerous for the world at large, but Cas - Cas is a different matter. When he killed Billie - sure, it was a sweet gesture and all, but to me, he also looked deranged. The Winchesters are good people, but, despite what Chuck said, they’re not the ones who keep the world going. A lot of the times, they’re actually cleaning up their own messes, and, in any case, they’re not the only talented hunters out there. I’m not saying I don’t love them or let them die or whatever, but man, if I were the mom of one of those people Amara exploded in a public park, it’d be hard not to blame TFW for their death. So if we look at that post again, I’d say Cas went from lawful good to neutral good - and is now operating under what he thinks are the parameters of a chaotic good, but are really true neutral territory. Or, at least, that’s how I see it.

First Born 9x11: Or the one where Robbie became the biggest Destiel shipper ever

“First Born” gave us a dose of Castiel that should (never) be enough to keep us alive for the coming 5 weeks without him (hoping Misha is indeed in 9x14 “Captives”, an episode written by Rob Berens, who gave us “Heaven Can’t Wait”). By this point, I hope that everybody who reads my reviews (meta?) knows that I always focus on Destiel, so any further discussion on the myth arc is not happening here.

Team Free Will were not together in this episode, but we got very gratifying moments between Dean & Crowley and Sam & Cas. Most importantly, we even got Destiel moments even though Dean and Cas were apart from each other. In fact, the first thing I have to say about this episode is ROBBIE, YOU’RE A FREAKING GENIUS! In my mind, Robbie Thompson has confirmed his position as a Destiel shipper, and he has done it in the most elegant way possible. But let’s discuss this more thoroughly.

I don’t really know if I should bring this up, but I guess I’ll try because some people always find a way to scream “no homo” to their screens. The scene at the bar? Dean glancing at the waitress? Please, don’t say it was the “no homo” part of the episode! The waitress was flirting. Dean just glanced at her the way even I would glance at any man or woman who smiled at me and gave me the once-over in such an obvious flirting way. Why was the person flirting with him not a male? Because… reasons!! There’s a time and place for everything and this episode was not for addressing something of the sort. I think we (Destiel shippers) agree that Dean is bisexual, right? So let’s not be hypocrites and scream “no homo” every time Dean interacts with/smiles at/glances at a woman. Being bisexual is not about being 50/50. You should memorize that and remember it every time you see Dean and Cas interact with females. If you are one of those who are always complaining about it (been there, done that), then you should read a little more about bisexuality because I’m afraid you don’t know the term as well as you thought. You think the glance was unnecessary? Maybe you’re right. But if it was there, there must be a reason, so instead of freaking out, try to ask yourself why they thought they needed that in the scene. My personal answer (and it’s ok if you don’t agree) is that Dean’s self-esteem is at the lowest point you could ever imagine. When you’re like that, when you think so little of yourself, you crave other people’s attention. You want to feel valued, loved, appreciated, and you look for that in all the wrong places. When you don’t love yourself, it’s easy to be promiscuous and pretend to enjoy it. Unfortunately, that only makes you feel emptier afterward. At his lowest points, Dean always finds comfort in sex because he knows what to do around ladies to make them want him, but that’s just proof of how much he objectifies himself and how little he thinks he deserves to be wanted for who he is not for what he does. I can assure you that if Crowley hadn’t showed up, Dean would have hooked up with that waitress and it would have been just another meaningless one night stand. Even Crowley noticed this evidence of Dean’s self-denigration. (“This bar is a bust. That waitress is trouble with a capital VD”). And I’m sure Robbie wrote those lines to make sure the audience noticed too. That being said, “it’s time to move on to more pressing matters” (see what I did there? Lol)

Meanwhile, Castiel is staying at the Bunker with Sam and OMG ROBBIE, that sandwich! The conversation about PB&J. That was so brilliant that I really need to apologize in advance for overwhelming you with all my Destiel feels.

Castiel: When I was human, I had to eat constantly. It was kind of annoying.

Sam: Yeah, a lot of human things are pretty annoying.

Castiel: But, I enjoyed the taste of food, particularly peanut butter and grape jelly, not jam, jam I found unsettling.

Sam: So, what? Now you can’t taste PB&J?

Castiel: No, I… taste every molecule.

Sam: Not some of its parts, uh?

Castiel: It’s overwhelming. It’s disgusting. I miss you PB&J.

Castiel is an angel now and he’s eating, which tells us that it’s possible for him to do it even though he doesn’t need it. However, the experience was very different when he was human. He felt things he hadn’t felt before, and he enjoyed them, though he sometimes thought the urge (to eat) was annoying. He learned to make distinctions between the things he liked and didn’t like. But now that he’s an angel again, he can tell that what he feels in the same circumstances is different because he has something to compare it to. Now he knows that being an angel gives him an infinite understanding of things in such a broad way that he cannot really enjoy it the way he used to when he was human. And you know what? He misses that. He misses what he felt when he was human. He misses PB&J although we all know that Robbie wrote those lines that took one whole minute to tell us something more about Cas, something that has nothing to do with food and everything to do with Cas’ feelings (of regret, guilt, empathy, friendship, love). Why is this important for Destiel? I think it’s obvious. Cas was created to love (God, his brothers and sisters, humans) and he had a huge understanding of what love was supposed to be, but he had never REALLY experienced it, embraced it, or even enjoyed it. We all know that Cas loves Dean, very much, but did Cas know that there are different types of love? What did he feel when he was human? Maybe pain in 9x03 when Dean kicked him out of the Bunker? Confusion, frustration, anger and sadness in 9x06 where Dean was involved? Pain again in 9x09 when Dean sent him away once more? What did Cas learn from his experience as human? What did Cas learn about his feelings for Dean? Did what happened with/to Dean affect him as much as anything that happened with/to Sam or with/to the other angels? What did he learn from his experience with April? Did he ever feel like being intimate with someone else the way his body knew how to do when April initiated intimacy? No wonder why Cas thought some urges/needs were annoying! My point is that there is a question we haven’t been given the answer yet, simply because Cas DIDN’T KNOW THE ANSWER. (8X17)

Dean: What broke the connection?

Castiel: I don’t know.

Do I really have to remind you that Robbie Thompson wrote 8x17? I think that now Cas is getting closer to understanding the answer that we have known all along. Yes, that answer we all (even casual viewers) screamed at our screens the night 8x17 aired.


Dean was the one who broke the connection. The love Cas feels for Dean is what broke the connection. But what kind of love is it? Robbie clearly gave us the answer in 9x04. Platonic love cannot overcome mind control (Haggerty couldn’t save his friend Jerkins). Familial love cannot overcome mind control (Charlie couldn’t save Dean –and we all know she’s like his little sister). So… what kind of love is powerful enough to overcome mind control? ROMANTIC LOVE! (That’s a trope, in case you didn’t know). By the way, who wrote 9x04? OH YES, ROBBIE FUCKING-AWESOME THOMPSON! Do you see why I think Robbie is an elegant Destiel shipper through and through? But that’s not all. We’re still missing some important things. So let’s continue.

How many times did Cas mention Dean’s name? Seriously, what the hell? The moment he noticed something odd in Sam, the first thing he said was “Maybe we should call Dean”. Then he voluntarily brought Dean up to Sam to try to defend him and fix things between the brothers.

Castiel: Sam, the trials… you chose not to go through with them for a reason, didn’t you? You chose to live rather than to sacrifice yourself. You and Dean, you chose each other.

Sam: Yeah, I did. We did. And then… Dean made the choice for me.

Castiel: What Dean did…

Sam: It doesn’t matter what Dean did. Look, I could have put a stop to all of this, Cas, I could have closed the gates of hell…

Castiel: No, Sam…

Sam: Dean’s gone, ok? This is on me now and if I can find Gadreel, I can fix this.

When Sam said “Dean’s gone”, I kind of expected Castiel to pout, like a teenager who’s been told by their parents that they can’t have their boyfriend come over.

Also, I can’t help but notice the way Cas phrased his question to Sam: “Why must the Winchesters run toward death?” He didn’t say “Why must YOU run toward death?” He was talking to Sam and had Sam’s life in his hands, but he was also thinking about Dean. Apparently, Cas can’t get Dean out of his mind. Later on, Cas looked at the PB&J sandwich and what it represents and decided that nothing was worth losing Sam. The way Cas healed Sam was not very gentle. We could even hear the thump when Sam’s head hit the chair. When I rewatched the episode, I couldn’t help laughing because all I could think was “Cas is tired of your bullshit, you stubborn son of a bitch.” Then we had this:

Castiel: Being human didn’t just change my view of food. It changed my view of you. I mean, I can relate now to how you feel.

Sam: What are you talking about?

Castiel: The only person who has screwed things up more consistently than you is me. And now I know what that guilt feels like. And I know what it means to feel sorry, Sam. I am sorry.

Sam: I know.

Castiel: You know, old me, I would have just kept going. I would have jammed that needle in deeper until you died because the ends always justified the means. But what I went through, that PB&J taught me that angels can change, so… who knows? Maybe Winchesters can, too.

That speech was BEAUTIFUL for so many reasons. Beautiful because Sam needed to hear such words (considering his self-worth is very low, too, poor baby). Beautiful because in the end, Cas got to show Sam (and us) that there’s still hope for the Winchester brothers and that they can get rid of their freaking codependency (they can still change). Beautiful because it shows us huge character development for Castiel. How can people be upset because they say Cas was OOC? That was the point!! This is a new Cas. Old cas would have just killed Sam. Cas said it himself! Beautiful because it shows us that even though Cas felt sorry and guilty in the past (seasons 7 and 8), he now understands that he didn’t know what it really meant to feel that way. And that, my friends, is true for all the feelings Cas experienced while human. (Yes!! Love included!!).

And last but not least, the Cain-Abel-Colette and Dean-Sam-Castiel parallels. Please, don’t insult Robbie’s intelligence by saying there are no parallels after I have proved to you how Robbie connected 8x17 and 9x04 to 9x11 (episodes that HE wrote). Robbie is a brilliant man and if we ever doubted how much he ships Destiel, I think we can put away those doubts.

I think we all saw Robbie’s tweet. Now that we have seen 9x11, can someone tell me what 5x13, 6x20 and 9x11 have in common?  

Some people made the connection pretty fast, (X) but I’m sure no one actually expected to hear the line so blatantly obvious.

Cain: I’ve tried, I’ve tried, Colette, to see myself as you did. But I know who I am, and what I am. I know YOU WATCH OVER ME still, but I need you to look away now.

Cain actually prayed to Colette, with the same faith we’ve seen Dean pray to Cas. And what he said before this prayer is an accurate description of Cas in Dean’s life.

Cain: She knew who I was, what I was. She loved me unconditionally. She forgave me.

If 9x10 and 9x11 have showed us something is how unconditionally Cas loves Dean, how ready he is to forgive Dean (even when Dean can’t forgive himself). Cas knows Dean; he even saw Dean in hell when Dean was torturing souls. Cas has seen the darkest parts of Dean’s soul and he still sees Dean differently, as worthy of salvation, redemption, and love –though Dean can’t see himself that way yet. Casual viewers may not remember all this. Casual viewers may not even know all this because maybe they haven’t watched previous seasons (but they must have watched the previous episode). What I really want to emphasize here is that the fandom does know all this. And Robbie pointed us in the direction of the episodes he wanted THE FANDOM to remember. ROBBIE THOMPSON, SERIOUSLY, CAN I MARRY YOU?

The last minutes of this marvelous episode gave us THE HUG. Sam and Cas! Wow! That was sooooo good! I think I can still hear the “just da brothers” fans moaning and grunting in the distance. All the people who think Sam doesn’t like Cas or vice versa, all the people who think Destiel shippers hate Sam… let me revel in my tears of joy. THE HUG will be one of the most memorable moments of the show, IMHO. (Now let’s just hope Cas has the chance to show Dean that he learned how to give a hug properly). By the way, poor Cas wanted to bring Dean up in the conversation until the very end of the episode.

Castiel: You know Sam, we could use all the help we could get to find Gadreel and Metatron.

If season 8 showed us clearly how much Dean wanted Cas to stay with them, season 9 is showing us how much Cas wants Dean to be with them. Meanwhile, I’m just gonna drown in my own feels over these two idjits.

To end this incredibly long meta (I’m not sure if it’s meta, but at least I try), I’ll attempt to share my peace of mind with you, guys. Some people are worried because Cain had to kill Abel to save his soul and accidentally killed Colette when trying to kill Abaddon. They think this means Dean will have to kill Sam to save him and will accidentally kill Cas. Killing Cas off would be a dick move and they know it. I’m gonna play the Misha card here, but no one in their right mind would kill Cas off and risk a gigantic drop in ratings. Besides, I firmly believe that the end-game for our three boys will be a happy one. We already know what Sam wants (a wife and his apple pie life) and that’s gonna be his end-game. We’re starting to realize what Cas wants (because he’s finally discovering it himself) and that’s gonna be his end-game (saving people, hunting things, being human, staying with Dean). Now we just need Dean to get rid of the poison he has inside (codependency) so he finally stops hating himself and discovers what he really wants (somewhere along the lines of saving people, hunting things, having a healthy relationship with his brother, and staying with Cas –“Nobody wants him here more than I do”) and that’s gonna be his end-game. For this to be true, the three of them need to STAY ALIVE! So, NOPE, I’m not worried about the boys dying, but I’m aware that we’re gonna suffer A LOT because shit is gonna get more serious in the rest of season 9 and it’s gonna get even worse in season 10.

“There’s always something with you boys, isn’t there??!!“ We better be ready!

Anonymous asked: Can you write something involving one of them being mad at the other, while the other one tries to win them over? That would really make my day :)

Author’s note: As you wish. ;)

Castiel scowled at his ringing phone as if the thing had personally offended him.

‘Dean Winchester calling’, it said on the screen.

Once it stopped ringing, that very same screen informed Castiel that he had no less than fourteen missed calls.

“You can go to hell, Dean Winchester.” Castiel mumbled to no one in particular, his eyes flickering back to the screen of his laptop.

It had been a silly argument, Castiel knew that. Some stupid disagreement over a stupid project that they’d been working on together for Chemistry class. If you asked Castiel, this was definitely one of the downsides of having your boyfriend as your project partner.

Still, Castiel wouldn’t have been this upset with Dean if it had just been about that dumb project. What really bothered him was that Dean, in the heat of the moment, had yelled at Castiel that he needed to stop being such a giant pain in the ass sometimes.

Castiel hadn’t taken it well, and so he’d ended up spending his Saturday in his room working on an essay, instead of spending it with Dean like he normally would.

For the umpteenth time, Castiel’s phone beeped. A text message. Castiel clenched his jaw, but couldn’t resist looking.

‘Please baby, I’m sorry. Miss you like crazy Cas, shouldn’t have said those things. Please pick up the damn phone…’

Keep reading


prompt by Anonymous: “How about Bobby giving Castiel “The Speech”?? I’d pay money to see that :D”

word count: 1,436

author’s note: Once again thank you so much for that prompt, it’s been super fun :D

Bobby is a very observant man.

And perhaps his instincts ain’t that sharp than they used to be, but he can honestly tell when one of his boys is head-over-heels.

Granted, he’s never seen Dean in love before, the signs, however, are really hard to miss. The long-lasting looks (sometimes it goes on for freaking minutes!), the lack of any personal space whatsoever and the hesitant and obviously calculating touches. Bobby’s never seen his boy act like this before.

And usually he’d be glad for Dean because he’d sure as hell deserve some goddamned happiness for a change.

But of course Dean chose the most inconvenient time ever to grow some feelings.

The fucking apocalypse, Lucifer roaming free, all of Heaven searching for the brothers … it’s seriously not the most perfect time. Dean, however, never gave a damn about something like that, so it’s no surprise that he waited for the end of the world.

And naturally Dean’s object of affection turned out to be a frigging angel of the Lord.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

HI! I've been rewatching season 6 and yeah I was wondering about something. There was this scene in 6.20 between Cas and Crowley in which Cas says ''a whore is a whore is a whore''. What the hell does that mean?? Why is he saying that to Cas? Any thoughts?

He’s accusing Cas of being unfaithful to Dean (& TFW in general for the maintext) and chumming around with him instead

CROWLEY The big lie – the Winchesters still buy it. The good Cas, the righteous Cas. And long as they still believe it, you get to believe it. Well, I got news for you, kitten. A whore is a whore is a whore.

Essentially, Cas is still lying to them that he’s good (uh, this paragraph is in Crowley’s POV), and helping them, NOT telling them about his plans and so on. Crowley is fed up with Cas being distracted and useless because he keeps fucking up for the sake of the Winchesters and ruining the plan even though they’re on a deadline. If Cas just embraced the descent arc and went full evil they’d work much more effectively towards their goal, but he’s still trying to pass himself off as a good guy, and making the best of his terribly compromised choices in favour of good or what the Winchesters would want. But Crowley is like, seriously, look, we’re in a dingy blood-splattered basement, elbow-deep in evil schemes (or I am sheesh roll up your sleeves and help) and you’ve been working with me for a YEAR I think you’ve missed your chance to pretend you’re good any more, can we just get this over and done with - they’re going to see through it soon anyway and they’re already on our case. 

Taken nicely, it’s a warning that Cas is going down a bath path (and Crowley is happy to encourage it) but lying to TFW is only going to hurt them, the damage is done, and Cas is still hanging out with Crowley and not changing course there, so like, maybe he should stop being precious about it and embrace the plan that they’ve been working on the whole time.

… Of course there’s also the fact the language used tells it as the Dean/Cas/Crowley love triangle where Crowley is using sexual language about their interactions, as if Cas is being unfaithful to his marriage to Dean, to work with Crowley… from earlier in the episode:

CROWLEY The point is…You’re distracted, and that makes me nervous.

CASTIEL I am holding up my end.

CROWLEY Ah, yes. But is that all you’re holding? See…the stench of that Impala’s all over your overcoat, Angel. I thought we’d agreed - no more nights out with the boys.

Again, kind of ducking behind “the boys” but Cas only spoke to Dean and the episode is strongly weighted between Cas and Dean and much less so Sam, so if you’re editing it for emotional truthiness, you have to take him out of the equation there. 

Anyway that line from Crowley is classic cheating spouse dialogue, mentioning the smell of the other partner on the unfaithful one - again, Crowley trying to make Cas ditch his husband and run away with him instead. “Is that all you’re holding” is pretty much pure innuendo, and it’s framed as Crowley’s jealousy as much as trying to get Cas to work for him without all these silly distractions like “feeling bad” and “caring”.

So Crowley calling Cas a whore is reminding him that he’s “cheating” on Dean with Crowley and is in way too deep to be anything else. The repetition is a sort of “it’s turtles all the way down” type of emphasis, like you could keep peeling back excuses and defences but Cas is being unfaithful to his core at this point.

In conclusion, really, the way Crowley frames his interactions and relationship with Cas, is the crowbar you need to pry off the surface text and see all the Dean and Cas stuff in the episode as romantic with Dean as the betrayed spouse when he finds out, because Crowley literally just tells us in this episode over and over that it’s a love triangle, unrepentantly repeating the message that he’s stolen Cas from Dean.

anonymous asked:

i just saw your great explaination of the john winchester issue and i'm just curious, you mention narcissistic parenting? what does that mean?

Thanks! Okay, Anon, so just some background: my dad is a narcissistic personality, and that was something that came up when I was in therapy last year. My psych gave me a couple of articles to read, all of which opened my eyes and upset me so I deleted. So, the info I’m giving you is sourced from this site which is a legit psych magazine. 

A narcissistic parent seems like they would just be totally into themselves and not have time for kids, but that’s actually not the case. According to the psych magazine: “narcissistic parents don’t have children because they want to nurture and guide their offspring through life; they have children so that they have an automatic, built-in relationship in which they have power, one in which the narcissist can write the rules without any checks and balances. Understand this: Control over someone else is the ultimate jackpot every narcissist works so hard to win. ”

So, the dynamic between a narcissistic parent and child isn’t normal. It isn’t a give and take. It’s a relationship based on command… scarily reminiscent of John’s relationship with his sons, huh? Now, I’m not saying that John wanted to have kids just to boss them around or that he didn’t love them—I’m sure he did, just like I’m sure my dad loves me. And I’m sure he wanted to give his kids the best life he could. But unfortunately, the narcissist needs control and power, and kids are a very easy way to get that. 

Just to take this a little further, let me show you what this article says happens to kids of narcissistic parents, and tell me if it reminds you of Dean:

Young children of narcissists learn early in life that everything they do is a reflection on the parent, to the point that the child must fit into the personality and behavioural mould intended for them. These children bear tremendous anxiety from a young age as they must continually push aside their own personality in order to please the parent and provide the mirror image the parent so desperately needs.”

And if that doesn’t have you convinced:

Because young kids can’t make accurate sense of the narcissist’s interpersonal tricks and stunts, these children internalize intense shame (‘I keep failing my Mom’) which leads to anger that the child turns on himself (‘I’m so stupid,’ ‘Something’s wrong with me’).”

To me, this sounds a lot like Dean’s internal, self-loathing monologue. And the evidence for John as a narcissistic parent doesn’t stop there:

Because the narcissistic parent-child bond is so distorted and corrupt, the offspring as adults tend to gravitate toward drama-laden, roller-coaster relationships – especially with romantic partners. Because they didn’t grow up with the belief that they were intrinsically okay and good, it makes perfect sense that these individuals would gravitate toward stormy romantic partners later. These adults would feel like fish out of water in a relationship with someone who loved them consistently, and the experience would be so unfamiliar that it would cause major anxiety. Accordingly, these individuals tend to seek out partners who are emotionally unavailable, critical or withholding – just like Mommy and/or Daddy was in the past.

Now, look at Dean’s love life. His drama-laden, roller-coaster relationships are one night stands (how much more emotionally unavailable can you get), and his anxiety with healthy relationships are clearly outlined in Cassie and Lisa. If you want to talk about Destiel, you can argue that Dean identifies with Cas as being another product of a narcissistic parent and so can relate to him on a deeply personal level. You can also argue that they’re drawn to each other because their relationship is definitely drama-laden and of the roller-coaster variety. This might be a little bit of stretch, but you can tell that Dean feels most comfortable with Cas when they’re fighting alongside each other or at each other’s throats (or doing that subtextual pining/eye sex thing they do) rather than when Cas compliments him. Hell, just in this episode, Cas called Dean a good role model and Dean got uncomfortable and anxious. He broke eye-contact. He stuffed his face. 

So, it’s clear Dean is the product of narcissistic parenting… let’s talk about Sam. Because Dean wasn’t the only one with a narcissistic parent, but Sam—because he was raised by Dean—figured out that the dynamic of their (John, Dean, Sam) relationship wasn’t right:

What’s interesting to note is the narcissistic parent’s reaction to witnessing healthy psychological change in their child. Once the child or adult child of the narcissist starts to get psychologically healthier and begins to distance himself a bit from the parent, the narcissistic parent experiences a sort of existential panic. Thrust into fight mode, the narcissistic parent feels furious and works to ostracize the individual suspected of inducing the change and pulling the child away from the parent’s tight grip. Though it can initially be confusing to the adult child why the narcissistic parent verbally tears apart his closest confidants, the parent’s reaction ultimately shows the adult child what matters most to the narcissistic parent: his or her own emotional needs – not those of the adult child.”

There it is. Except in this case, the individual suspected of inducing the psychological change in Sam was Sam himself. So, John ostracized him. He told him that if he left for Stanford, he shouldn’t bother coming back. Sam challenged the power dynamic and John went into panic mode… and in doing so, basically told his kid that if he wanted to go to Stanford on a full ride and have a normal, safe life, he’d be dead to him. This, to me, doesn’t sound like normal, good parenting. This sounds like John putting his own emotional needs before Sam’s, which makes John Winchester a textbook narcissistic parent. 

Hope that helped, Anon :)

For the prompt: “dean has a nightly ritual of checking all the doors and sigils of the bunker. sam thinks it’s necessary, the bunker has been safe for decades. but dean is unswayed and checks, ritually, every night without fail. but the bunker is big, and after a while the lack of sleep catches up with him and he passes out halfway through. he half wakes up to realize he’s being carried back to bed. he sees a tench coat but falls asleep before he says anything, but he remembers come morning

From lovefromdean

The bunker is safe. The bunker is hidden. No monsters or demons or uninvited angels are going to get into the bunker.

But… what if they do?

Dean can’t stop the thought from bouncing around his head at all hours of the night. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t get it to go away. Things are just starting to be okay. Sam is recovering, Cas is here, human. They’re almost like a family. And Dean is 100% sure that something is going to come and fuck that up.

So, yeah, he’s a little paranoid about safety. So sue him.

He taps the lock of the front door, making sure it’s in place. He even tugs on the handle a little just to be double sure, then he checks the sigils around the frame, and the devil’s trap under the welcome mat. Once he’s positive all the lines are solid, nothing’s wearing off, nothing’s wrong, he moves on. He checks every door. He checks every window. Hell, he even checks the air ducts. He does this every night, renewing any sigils that need renewed, fixing anything that needs fixing. It takes him a good while, the bunker isn’t a small place, but it’s worth it for the rush of calm he gets at the end. Knowing that they’re safe, him and Sam and Cas, it helps him sleep easier. Well, it would if he had much time to sleep. His rounds take up a good chunk of the night as it is, and it’s beginning to wear on him, but he’ll never admit it.

Sam thinks he’s crazy. It’s an opinion he’s voiced quite often, and loudly, but he’s long since given up telling Dean to go to bed. Cas doesn’t say he crazy, but he does watch Dean with this worried little frown on his face. He stays up a lot too though, Dean sometimes sees him in the library reading when he’s making his rounds. He thinks Cas might have nightmares, but they haven’t talked about it. Probably won’t.

So Dean walks, and he can feel himself tiring out, but he keeps going. He has to check everything, he has to keep them safe. He yawns, and covers his mouth with his hand even though there’s no one there to see. His eyelids grow heavy, so heavy. And there’s a chair, right there in the hallway, and what harm would it do to sit down, just for a minute?

So he does, he sits down, just to give his feet a little rest. And his eyes are sliding shut, but only for a second, then he’ll get back up. He just has to rest for a second.

There’s an odd feeling in Dean’s legs, and his head. Something like a disconnect. Like maybe he’s floating. He struggles to open his eyes, but they feel like they must be glued shut. Finally, he opens one just a crack. Through the sliver of his open eye he can see the hallway, retreating oddly, like he’s moving. But he’s not, is he? He struggles to open his eye further, but can’t quite seem to manage it. The last thing he sees, before his eye slides shut again, is a glimpse of the edge of what might be a shirt. A sweater, maybe. It’s an ugly blue and white pattern, like the one Cas wears all the time.

He slides back into unconsciousness.

Dean wakes, feeling a little off for some reason. He can’t shake the feeling even as he slips out of bed, goes to the bathroom to brush his teeth. It’s when he unzips his pants to take a piss that he realizes: he still has his jeans on.

Come to think of it, this is the shirt he was wearing yesterday. And, when he thinks about it even more, he realizes that he doesn’t remember going to bed last night.

He remembers walking, checking the sigils, but not going to bed.

He frowns at himself in the mirror, finishes brushing, and then trudges out of his room. He heads for the kitchen, still thinking about why he doesn’t remember going to bed.

He walks into the kitchen to the smell of bacon and coffee, the sound of something sizzling softly on the stove. There’s Cas, standing at the stove in just his boxers and his giant blue and white sweater, hair rumpled, somehow looking very sleepy and incredibly content at the same time.

Dean huffs a laugh, and then he remembers.

He remembers that weird floating feeling. The blue and white of that sweater. There’s a vague memory of someone tucking him in, someone with a gruff voice and gentle hands. 

“Are you alright, Dean?”

Dean blinks, realizing that Cas is looking at him, head tilted to the side, squinting.

“Uh, yeah.” Says Dean. He clears his throat. 

Cas just hums and turns back to the stove, unaware of the sudden storm in Dean’s gut at the thought of Cas carrying him, Cas tucking him in. Cas taking care of him. It shouldn’t be a big deal. But it feels like a big deal. He doesn’t mention it.

When Cas finishes breakfast, he automatically plates some for Dean and slides it across the table top to him before making himself one and then leaving the rest for Sam. Dean watches Cas’ hands, their dexterity, their grace. He feels like this is important. But it’s only breakfast. He doesn’t mention it.

At the end of the day, Dean still hasn’t mentioned it, and it’s weighing on his shoulders like something physical. He needs to do something. So, before he starts his rounds for the night, he stops at the library, where Cas is sitting at a little desk, head bent over an aged tome.

“Hey, Cas.” He says.

Cas looks up, smiles a tired little smile. “Hello, Dean.” He says, same as a thousand times before. But this time, it sends a small flutter through Dean’s veins.

“Do you, uh.” Dean looks away, takes a deep breath, looks back. This isn’t a big deal, he reminds himself. “Do you wanna walk with me?”

Cas blinks, then his smile gets a little bigger. He closes his book. “I would love to.” He says.

He gets up, and they do the rounds together. And if they walk a little too close together, Dean doesnt mind. And if Cas ends up joining Dean on his rounds every night, no one says anything about it. And if Sam sees them walking one night with their hands linked together, swinging gently in between them, well that’s just fine.

ummm here’s some destiel 

Dean stands before him with bright green eyes and a smile that is almost as beautiful as his soul. He talks animatedly about when he and Sam were kids, how Sam jumped, thinking he could fly, and broke his arm, though Cas knows that Dean blamed himself for years for Sam’s pain. He loves with all his heart and sometimes it turns out fine, he gets love back, but usually, he’s left with regret and Cas is the one who has to pick him back up again. He doesn’t mind it, no, he never views Dean as a burden or a chore, Dean Winchester is his sole purpose for being on Earth in the first place, and he is the reason Cas stays. 

He’s there for the ups and downs, for the times he thinks that he’s lost Dean forever, or the times where he does want to punch him in the gut. Cas is there when Dean breaks down and can’t figure out why he does this, when he thinks so many others are better than him. Cas is there to remind him that he is the chosen one, that he is the difference between light and dark and that though one side seems stronger, he is the one to keep the balance. 

Cas aches to hold the hunter, who thinks that he doesn’t deserve affection when in fact he deserves the world and all its love. He watches as Dean laughs and signs off key, how he takes care of Sam and so many others. Cas sees the way that Dean loves everything and everyone, though he knows it’s dangerous, and it kills him that he can’t see that Cas loves him just as much. 

Castiel has loved the righteous man for years.

Since he first laid a hand on him in Hell, he’s been lost, like so many have said before. Dean made him and continues to make him doubt his every move and wonder if it really is for the greater good. Dean taught him about free will and love, oh how he has taught him about love. 

But when Dean Winchester names the things he loves, Castiel waits like he has his whole life for the hunter to say his name. 

Because Dean Winchester loves many things, but an angel, like Cas, he won’t say. 

Cas doesn’t give up hope, he believes that Dean tells him he loves him in different ways. Like how he touches his shoulder as he passes him in the kitchen, their eyes meeting for a brief second that feels like a millennium. How Dean watches him while he studies and reads up on the lore from the Men of Letters, how his green eyes seemingly have a mind of their own and occasionally land on his lips. Cas feels Dean’s love when he cups his face when he fears he’s about to lose him, how he whispers “Don’t you dare leave me.” so quietly that Sam can’t even hear him. 

Dean shows Cas that he loves him when he holds him tighter than usual, pressing his face and lips against the angels neck and breathes him in, when he thinks Cas can’t tell. He felt Dean’s soul shine when they kissed, when Dean was so hesitate yet desperate. Cas knows that Dean loves him by the way he touches him, like he thinks he’s going to break, like he’s afraid that if he moves too fast, Castiel will slip between his fingers like sand. He knows Dean loves him by the way he moves against him, kisses every inch of his skin like Cas is the one that should be praised and not him. 

Cas knows how much Dean loves him, even when he doesn’t say it, and one night, Dean does say it. He’s panting, hot breath against the slick skin of Cas’s neck, and the soft press of his lips underneath his jaw, holding him close like he thinks that Cas would ever leave him. 

It’s quiet, and almost too soft that if Cas weren’t an angel, if he weren’t so completely wrapped up and lost in Dean, he wouldn’t be able to hear the hunter whisper so softly that he loves him, that he loves Castiel. 


Dean wouldn’t consider himself a neat freak exactly. Sure, his bed is always made with hospital corners and he hangs his clothes according to color, but he isn’t obsessive about it. He learned young though that when you’re hoping from place to place, things get lost if you don’t keep them in their place. He’d left his favorite shirt behind in a motel near Columbus Ohio once because he got lazy and tossed in on a chair instead of folding it in his bag. Having an ex-marine as a father had helped some too.

So when things start to go missing, he notices pretty early on.

Keep reading

A first kiss fic.

The bunker gets quiet on Saturday when Sam decides to spend the day out and about. Castiel mostly binge watches Game of Thrones while Dean scours the internet for a case. He’s itching to get out, even if it means taking out a nest of vamps. He’s out of excuses, the fridge fully stocked with food and beer. Lately, he’s desperate for any reason to be away from Cas.

Dean doesn’t hate Cas, which incidentally is the problem. He cant get the angel out of his head most days, always thinking of ifs and maybes. Daydreaming about about what it would be like just to grab Castiels hand and hold it in his own, how rough or soft it would feel. He imagines that Castiel would taste like peanut butter if he kissed him because that’s his favorite sandwich.

Keep reading

ok so i got super bored and accidentally wrote some deancas coffee shop au (1.8k)

The coffee shop Castiel usually goes to was surprisingly crowded but he was too tired to find another place to get his coffee. And he liked it there so while he stood in the queue he started looking around for an empty table or even a seat. Line went on pretty quickly and he got his big cup of Monday afternoon black coffee.

Takeaway mug in hand Castiel looked around again if there was anyone leaving so he could take their table but no one seemed to be leaving anytime soon.

That’s when Castiel saw Green eyes, sitting alone in a small table at the far corner of the shop.

Green eyes – because he has green eyes and Castiel doesn’t know his name okay – was one of the hottest men Castiel had ever seen and he was also a regular customer like him. He was there almost every time Castiel came for coffee and he did that a lot. He looked at the tables behind him and the only free seat he spotted was in a table of three quite noisy women. That gave Castiel the courage to ask to sit with him.


“Do you mind if I sit here?” The green eyes lifted up from the iPad they were staring and now stared at Castiel. The owner of the eyes smiled.

“Yeah, sure.” He put his iPad on the table and stretched out to grab his bag away from the other seat. He put the bag on the floor as Castiel sat down on the now free seat.

“Thanks”, Castiel smiled at him, “Place is surprisingly crowded this afternoon.”

“Yeah”, the other man chuckled, “People have realized this place serves the best coffee around here.”

Castiel smiled at that and made a sound that told he agreed with the man. Green eyes gave another smirk at Castiel before he took his iPad from the table and continued whatever he was doing with it. Castiel sat his coffee on the table and started digging through his own bag. He took some books out before setting the bag on the floor. He gave Green eyes another glance before he opened one of the books. He was even hotter up close; you could see his freckles and everything better.

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anonymous asked:

Is it selfish to ask for another cop!dean being flirty with cas because that's my absolute fav?

*SUUUPER LATE*  Anyway i kinda did cas being flirty cop!dean but I hope you still like it ^.^

               To be honest Dean was fully prepared for the rest of his night when he heard the call for a dark-haired, tattooed, pierced teenager selling drugs at the high school down a town over. It was the fourth time this month they’d gotten the same call, always the same kid, always the same cocky attitude. Except this time it wasn’t the high school, it was the elementary school. Now Dean could only get so worked up over selling drugs to other teenagers who had at least enough brain development to know what they’re getting into, but to little kids? Dean clenched his fists as he got into his car and blared the siren, burning into the highway seventy miles an hour.

The kid grinned at Dean when he stepped out of the car. His hair was spiked up and messy with dark blue streaks. He had three piercings in his ears, not including his gages. Tattoos crawled up his bicep and disappeared under his shirt. Okay, Dean always had a thing for tattoos, and yes the guy was attractive, Dean wasn’t blind, his eyes were really strikingly beautiful and he was muscled, but not too much y’know? Just enough for it to show, but not too buff. And his thighs were th—  

Wrong time. Wrong time. 

Dean shook his head and the thoughts with it, he pulled the handcuffs from his back pocket. 

“I’ve got it from here,” he grunted to the two teachers standing next to him, then addressed the teenager: “And I’m pretty sure you know the drill by now.” 

“Mm, nice grip,” the guy mumbled with a dopey smile.

Heat rose to Dean’s face, but he ignored it and shoved the guy into the back of the police car a little harder than necessary, but not enough to hurt him. The guy grinned wider and made a comment about liking it rough that Dean, once again, ignored. He was always so flirtatious and smug about everything. Dean wanted to wipe that damn smirk off his lips.                 Dean started the car and glanced once in the back mirror to a pair of confident blue eyes, bright with amusement and mischief. Dean wouldn’t gift him even one word more.

They were probably about ten minutes down the road, twenty minutes from the station, when the teenager spoke up.

“So what’d they tell you I was doing again?” his head lolled to the side.         

Dean gripped the wheel tighter at the reminder.

“Selling drugs to ten-year-olds-and-younger,” he seethed, “what the hell is wrong with you?”

The guy grinned wide and gummy, hardly holding back laughter, and then it got louder and he doubled over, hair falling over his eyes. Dean felt unsettled and watched him, unsure of what to make of it. Was he crazy? Was Dean missing something? Who knows?

“Drugs?” the guy chuckled when he settled down. “It- uh- It was broccoli.”     

Dean crinkled his nose. “Broccoli?” 

“Yeah. A kid asked me if it was weed because his mom ‘warned him about devils trying to get him’ at school like that and I said ‘sure tastes like a weed.’ Guess the kid told someone.” 

The teenager shrugged again, face alive with amusement.

“That’s still a health code violation you know,” Dean scolded.                 

“Enough to get arrested like this?” he raised a pierced brow.                 

“Why the hell were giving out broccoli at an elementary school?”                

The teenager settled into the seat again, legs sprawled wide and head loose on his shoulders. “My mom never gave me many vegetables. Thought the kids might like it.”

Dean gave him a pointed look.

“It was a dare,” the guy relents with a shrug. “Seemed safe. Didn’t think I’d get arrested. Maybe a slap on the wrist.”

“And you didn’t think to tell the teachers you didn’t really have drugs?” Dean asked in disbelief. The whole story seemed fake.

“Well I was about to,” that stupid grin was back, “but then they said they were calling Officer Winchester. And I like it when you handcuff me. Are you into BDSM?”

Dean’s face flushed and he glared at the kid. It wasn’t very intimidating though. Nope. He wasn’t going to answer that.

After a beat of silence, the guy piped up, “I am. More submissive than dominant, but I wouldn’t mind if you were into that type of thing. I have a high pain tolerance.” 

Dean jerked the wheel and swerved, then deliberately pulled over. He grabbed something from the dashboard, opened the door, and pulled the kid out of the car and turned him to face the car. 

 “Does this mean you’re a dom?” the man quipped as Dean gave him a swift pat down.

He pulled a bag of broccoli out of the pocket of his baggy pants.               

He shook the bag and sniffed it quickly and then rolled his eyes. He spun the teenager around and stared into his eyes (wow they’re really really blue,) but his eyes didn’t look dilated.  He pulled the breath-analyzer from his back pocket and held it up to the man’s lips. He was clean.

Dean rolled his eyes and then grabbed the keys to the cuffs and unlocked him.

“Fun done already?” the guy pouted.

“Get in the damn car.”

He pulled back onto the road, “now where the hell am I taking you? Where do you live?”

The man was uncharacteristically quiet for the entirety of two seconds before he rattled out some address. It was hardly two minutes away from where they already were, which made Dean’s job easier. Though he was planning on having a talk with this guy’s parents. He didn’t know his name did he? He didn’t want to know. It was better that he didn’t have a new name to call out when he masturbated.

Wait, what?

Dean pulled into the driveway of a seemingly nice house. It was painted bright green and there were actual flowers growing by the door. All it was missing was a damn picket fence. It radiated of this homely aura, and Dean narrowed his eyes in suspicion. 

“’Kay bye,” the guy mumbled, “Thanks for the lift.”

Dean got out of the car, too, and that’s when the man turned around and looked at him bewilderedly.

“What are you doing?” he demanded.

Dean was taken aback by the sudden change of character. “I wanted to speak to your parents,” his words stumbled on his lips.

“Not here,” the man crossed his arms over his chest, a humorous glint in his eye. “I’m twenty-two. I live alone.”

Dean blinked. He’d really thought he was a student at that high school he hung around so often.

“Well are you going to kiss me? If not feel free to leave.”

And you know what? Dean was sick of that smirk.

Dean grabbed the front of his Guns and Roses T-shirt and yanked him towards himself. The man fell into him like a rain drop into a puddle. He was stiff and unnatural, frozen against him. Shit, what if all this was was mindless teasing? Just as doubt started to cloud Dean’s mind, the man came alive, regained in his footing on the ground, and kissed him back fervently. Every question Dean’d ever had about kissing someone with a lip ring was suddenly answered.

The guy was a few inches shorter than him, and he clung desperately to his uniform. He stumbled back and then forwards again. Losing balance, he stepped on Dean’s foot.

Dean took a step back with an abrupt laugh that sinfully escaped him.

“Dean,” the man said breathlessly, and yeah, Dean really, really wanted to know what name to murmur back.

“What’s your name?” Dean meant to ask but it came out rushed and more of a demand.

The man’s lopsided grin was back, and Dean didn’t hate it so much anymore.

“Cas,” he whispered, he stepped closer, “Castiel,” he clarified, pressing the name into Dean’s lips.

Dean tested the name, “Cas,” in a single breath and pulled on the loose earring on his ear lightly. “I need your phone number. For. The paperwork. False arrest and everything.”

“Right,” Cas purred, “Paperwork.”


Cas stole another kiss. “Come inside. I’ll write it down.”

Dean’s head bobbed in a nod and stumbled after Cas, his wrist enclosed in Cas’ soft hand as he pulled him through the door.

A Good Idea

Fic request by sixbucksandwingless. Well, she wanted canon fluff. This is as close as it’s gonna get lol. Hope you like it, Gretchen! :)
A totally, 100% canon deleted scene from 10x20, in which Dean takes Cas to Hot Topic to get Claire a birthday present, and leads an employee to believe that they’re a couple shopping for their daughter.
{Rated T} | {~1.5k} | {Destiel} | {AO3}

“It’s Claire’s birthday.”

Dean turned to look at Castiel as he drove them away from the bar. “Yeah? What is she, twelve?”

“Eighteen, I believe.” Castiel looked thoughtful for a moment before asking, “What do eighteen-year-olds like?”

“Who cares?”

“I should get her a gift,” Cas explained. “But I’m not sure what she’s interested in.”

Dean nodded lightly. “You wanna pick something up right now?”

“I was hoping you’d let me, before we head to the motel, yes.”

Dean didn’t know how he ended up at Hot Topic. Cas had said something about finding a store “suitable for rebellious teenagers” and, before he knew it, Dean was glaring at a T-shirt with a cartoon horse on it.

“That hardly seems like something targeted toward young adults,” Castiel mused from behind the hunter.

Dean shook his head, turning around with pursed lips. “We need to get out of here before I burn down the store.”

Castiel seemed to take the statement literally, nodding as he headed toward the exit.

“Cas,” Dean called, rolling his eyes as he followed his friend. “I’m not actually gonna burn down the damn store. C’mon. Let’s just find something and get the hell outta here.”

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Hello! So, this is a thing I started a while back and got around to finish it today. The title is shitty, but I couldn’t think of anything else to put.
Sorry (╥﹏╥).
Anywaysss, this is a destiel fic, written in the pov of both Dean and Castiel. Hope you like it! (>‿♥)

Word count: 1000
Character: Dean Winchester and Castiel
Ships: Destiel

      Dean is a different story, he has always been. I came to earth to save him, and in return, he showed me every aspect of humanity. He introduced me to all kinds of emotions and feelings I never knew existed.

      Castiel is a unique story I would never tire from hearing. I can’t seem to ignore the silhouette of his palm on my shoulder whenever I have my shirt off. Castiel proved to me there’s more the fight for. A better lifestyle. He made me believe in freedom again, in the most messed up ways possible.

      One of those feelings was so bitter-sweet. It felt like my heart was clenching and that something magical has been let loose inside my stomach. I never asked Dean, though. I don’t know if it’s appropriate. I've been feeling that ever since the Pizza Man, but only when I think of him.

        Castiel can be oblivious at times. Or maybe he just doesn’t understand. I hope that’s not the case, though. It’s different with Cas. There’s always a pull towards him that seems to only target me. There are times that I just want to hold him close to me, tousle his hair and feel his breath on my neck. But then I quickly snap out of it. I can’t think like that. Castiel would never feel the way I do, too.

      I’ve been noticing a slight shake in my hands whenever Dean is closer than usual. It turns horrible when he hugs me. I don’t understand why, though. How can one person have so much control over my body? Is it normal for a heartbeat to speed up when someone is staring intensely at you, or is it just me? I think I will ask him about it. Maybe he actually knows. I hope he does not think it is inappropriate.

      I can’t help but stare at Castiel. Sometimes I just enter a daze and snap out of it when I notice Castiel’s soft, confused frown. Other times, I like to lock my eyes on his blue ones. Those eyes I’d look at for the rest of time. He reminds me of water; pure and necessary to have if you want to live. 

      I asked Dean about it today. I have not told him everything. I didn’t tell him that he was the one behind it all. I just told him everything I was feeling around him. He told me, in a rather soft, distant voice that I was feeling admiration at it’s purest. Love, if I recall correctly. I wonder what it would feel like to really love and be loved by somebody.

      Castiel asked me about what the feeling in which your heart clenches and the feeling of something getting loose inside your stomach was called. I couldn’t help but bite off a smile at the way his eyes shone when I told him it is love. But I made the mistake and asked him who he was feeling this way towards. He shrugged it off and simply said, “a person.” I’m not sure why I’m this upset. 

      Dean has been acting weird around me lately. He has been trying to stay outside rooms I am in, and outside hunts I am partaking in. It is weird, and it is sending a new shiver down my spine that I can’t seem to decipher. But it is so… sad. Now that I think about it, Dean started acting this way ever since I asked him about my feelings.

      I can’t seem to be around Castiel and hold the hurt at bay. I’ve been trying to stay out of his way as much as possible so that he doesn’t see what I’m going through. He’ll just be as oblivious as he has always been. 

      I have been trying to have a talk with Dean alone, but he always postpones it and scatters away. He has been keeping himself busy with simple day to day hunts. I am getting tired of this.

      Today, I noticed Castiel turning bright red before I exited the room. He has been trying to get me to talk to him, but I honestly don’t feel like listening to some damned love story at the moment.

      I do not have any idea what I would tell Dean even if it happened that we talk. I do not think I’m quite capable of having a confession time. What if Dean doesn’t feel that way? What if I turn matters even worse? I don’t know. I do not know. But it is to late now. I need to say something

      I got up to my room, planning on listening to some music, just to see that Castiel has already bet me there. I had to clear my throat to get rid of the knot that has formed there. He looked flabbergasted by my sudden appearance. I was feeling the same.

      It was not until a few seconds of silence that Dean asked me why I was in his room. I kept quiet, trying to search for a reasonable lie, but Dean called my name again and I told him the first thing that came to my mind. 

      It all came sudden and at once. But the feeling was pure bliss. It occurred to me that all those feelings Castiel described days earlier were somehow happening to me, too. And though it made me vulnerable, I would never keep this feeling away.

      It had slipped out of my mouth without my awareness. And now, Dean is walking straight to me, that same intense gaze he used to hold before he started ignoring me burning through my own eyes. His palms collided with my cheeks, and the feeling of his lips, calloused but heavenly, against mine clenched my heart and set loose a million magical feelings inside my stomach. And to hear him say it back felt like my whole body was lit on fire.

      “I think I’m in love with you, too, Castiel.”

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