why the hell am i still typing this

anonymous asked:

TBH everyone over reacted. He wasn't trying to be homophobic. He was saying they were just friends. Which everyone should know? (And I am LGBT as well before someone comes at me)

Man, I’m over the conversation about sdcc. I’ve said my piece, the entire internet has said their piece, somewhere in the chaos I think maybe some thoughtful dialogue happened, or at any rate jeremy jordan did a good job faking it on his twitter. I’m over it. I have no idea why I’m awake typing this, I have work tomorrow, and yet somehow I am STILL GETTING ANONYMOUS MESSAGES so here I am

it is bizarre to me that so much of the argument within fandom has gone:

Group 1: that comment was homophobic
Group 2: um, Jeremy does not hate the gays?? He was just stating a true fact?

I find it alarming as hell to see such a limited understanding of what homophobia is (especially given that most of this fandom is queer.)

So just to be clear:
Individual people being homophobic on an interpersonal level is NOT the main source of my concern. I don’t think Jeremy Jordan hates the queer community. I think he considers himself an ally.

But that’s not really how homophobia functions in our culture anymore. In most places in the United States, most people don’t hate the gays. I grew up in Kentucky, I know there are still lots of people running around beating us up, but like - overall, the common consensus in this country is that that’s uncool behavior. (Not everywhere all the time, I know. I don’t mean to belittle anyone’s suffering.)

But even if everyone around you considers themselves to be an ally, that doesn’t change the fact that the majority of sex education in this country only discusses heterosexual sex. Or that it is significantly harder for queer couples to adopt children than straight couples. Or that adult queer people who attempt to mentor youths are far more likely to be assumed pedophiles than straight adults doing the same.

It doesn’t change the fact that heterosexuality is seen as normal, and homosexuality is seen as other. It doesn’t change the disparity in resources, in social capital, in representation.

That’s what homophobia looks like. It doesn’t just look like someone screaming a slur at you when you hold hands with your SO. It also looks like, oh hey here’s a random example, people finding the idea of a lesbian ship for a television show to be absurd and laughable, even though there has practically never in the history of tv been an interaction between a man and a woman without everybody assuming it was romantic. To quote the great philosopher Avril Lavigne, “he was a boy, she was a girl. Can I make it anymore obvious.”

Lazy writers can write romances based on that line, ok? Literally all you have to do to get audiences to buy into a straight romance is put a man and woman onscreen at the same time. It literally never occurred to them that it was possible for Winn to be Kara’s bff without a moment where he asked her out and she rejected him. But when we go, “Lena filled Kara’s entire office with flowers one time, we’d like to interpret that as romantic,” the cast feels the need to perform a musical number about how absurd and impossible that is.

That’s homophobia. It is an enforcement of the idea that only heterosexuality is normal. And it can be homophobic WITHOUT Jeremy Jordan, on an interpersonal level, hating gay people.

That said, he’s made an effort to understand, and I appreciate it. As Emily andras said about the situation (because at this point the entire internet has weighed in, so why are you all still in my inbox), people make mistakes. If those people are willing to listen and engage fairly, then we can all learn from these moments, and they can have positive outcomes.

ok im going back to bed. Sorry for being deeply deeply grumpy. I’m answering your ask because it is one of the politest I’ve received in a whole flood of them, and you are receiving my grump toward the entire set.

Just got to do some woodworking for the first time in a long while, and I am once again reminded of why I enjoy my favorite type of word to work with: Purpleheart.

Why’s it called purpleheart?

Muthafuckin’ purple wood. How cool is that? It’s brown when you cut it, but due to oxidization, eventually turns to a beautiful purple color. (if you don’t seal it at this stage, it’ll eventually turn red, I believe, which is still pretty, but you buy purpleheart for purple, damnit!)

And everything you make with it turns out amazing.

Purple floors?

Nice.

Purple stairs?

Fancy.

Purple table?

Sweet.

Purple guitar?

Awesome.

Purple whatever the hell is going on here?

Epic.

It’s just such a cool wood to work with, and it’s sturdy enough to be used for just about anything. If I ever get a house, half of it might just end up being made out of purpleheart.

Anyway, that’s enough nerdery for one post. I will now return to reblogging stupid pictures and recipes.

One Night Only (M)

One night stand with Jungkook

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 5k

Originally posted by nnochu


It was never meant to be this way. He didn’t ever go for girls as average looking as you. Jungkook grimaced as he looked over your body and forced himself to look away. Why the hell are you looking at her idiot? She’s nothing like your type. Jungkook cursed himself and sighed loudly, pulling your attention towards him. He stared ahead blankly before leaning back in his seat, staring at the ceiling as the lights danced lazily across it.

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ohhelga  asked:

sterek + (724):also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

Riling Derek up became a fun past time activity for Stiles pretty fast, because Derek tries so hard to be stoic sometimes, it’s really a highlight to see him crack open and either get adorably flustered, or—even better—make him laugh out loud.

Annie, Derek’s daughter, keeps telling him how Stiles is the only person who she ever saw make her daddy laugh, and Stiles tries really hard not to preen every time. It’s kind of torture, actually, seeing as Stiles developed a massive, embarrassing crush on Derek ever since he first stepped foot into Stiles’ classroom. It’s been going downhill from there: the more Stiles manages to coax out of Derek the harder it gets not to swoon over him. Because Derek is swoon-worthy, drool-worthy, boner-inducing, and all kinds of fantasy-evoking; and Stiles is pretty sure one day in the near future he’ll just melt into a puddle of goo in front of his student’s dad.

Either way, Derek’s spluttering—as far as you can call it that, it’s way too graceful to be actual spluttering—and Stiles is pretty sure he’s making heart eyes at him.

“I am a firefighter, Stiles, not a superhero,” he says, the tips of his ears glowing bright red.

Stiles waves his hand. “Semantics,” he counters. “Firefighters are superheroes, man. Stop selling yourself short.”

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SOLANGELO'S WEDDING

Percy: Okay everybody listening, yeah? Well I have known Nico since a long time now, and as happy I am to him being married to a boy who he deserve. I am still wondering…
Nico: Not again please.
Annabeth: Don’t Percy.
Everyone else: He’s gonna say it.
Percy: Nico, why the hell I am not you type?
Nico: *facepalm*
Annabeth: I wonder why I am your wife.
Will: *smiles awkwardly*

Who Says Romance Is Dead? (GabrielxReader)

Request: Can you write a fic in which the reader goes hunting for gabe with the boys and they end up in tv land (changing channels style) but gabe has had a crush on the reader and puts her in a romcom and a porn?

Warnings: Fluff, Some Language, Smut

Thanks for the Request! :)

Hope This Is Alright

“What do you mean that son of a bitch is alive?” Dean growled.

“It appears Lucifer didn’t kill him.” Castiel explained. “He apparently went to heaven, but now he is back on Earth.”

“Where is he?” You were seated, while the brothers and the angel were standing in the bunker’s library.

“Why do we care?” Dean remarked, crossing his arms.

“He could help us with demons and stuff. Might actually prove to be useful.” You stared up at them. “He did save us you know. Remember when Lucifer was about to kill me at that motel along with Kali?”

“Still not a good enough reason. Plus, we have Cas here.” Dean patted his buddy on the shoulder.

“No offense, but he is an archangel and the only one really left. With Lucifer and Michael in the cage…and Raphael gone, he’s one of the most powerful beings in play right now.”

“Could just go talk to him.” Sam suggested. “Couldn’t really hurt anything.”

“I believe he is in Denver.” Cas added.

“To Denver then.” You stood, up pushing in your chair.

“Looks like it.” The tall man agreed. Dean didn’t look too thrilled, but he had his reasons.

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King of Wakanda (T'Challa x Reader)

Anonymous: Can you do a Black Panther Imagine?

Summary: One Year after the events of Civil War, the team has started to stick back together. Y/N gets to meet the King of Wakanda and Black Panther, T'Challa and a relationship is starting to form while the disputes between the team continue.

——————————————————————

“Mrs Y/L/N. I suggest you to stay back. You are on the wrong side.” King T'Challa said in his Black uniform and in a defensive position.

“ I would say the same about you, your majesty.“ You smirked.

“I don’t want to fight you, Y/N”

“I don’t either but we don’t have a choice.” That’s when you started running in each others direction ready to fight.

Present Day

You walked down the street of Wakanda waving at one of the women in the local supermarket. You smiled while entering T'Challa’s palace also known as Team Captain’s current living quarters.

The first view you got was Steve, leaning against a column facing the window.

“Feeling homesick, Steve?” He just looked at you. “I do. It’s been almost a year since we’ve been to America.”

“We haven’t communicated with them yet. Tony refuses to pick up T'Challa’s calls”

“Why don’t you? If that letter arrived to him.. That means he doesn’t completely hate you anymore.” Behind you the T'Challa who had been there for almost two minutes stepped in.

“We will try again Y/N. Don’t worry. Have you communicated with the Black Widow?” You shook your head and closed your eyes to shake the tears away. Natasha was your best friend. It was really hard being apart from her that long. Especially fighting with her. The king put an arm sympathetic around your shoulders. “Don’t cry, everything is going to be alright.”

“I’m sorry, your majesty. It won’t happen again.”

“Y/N we have talked about that before. Call me by my name and also we are friends now. You don’t have to treat me like a king. I just want to be treated like every human out there.” You smiled and he did the same. Over this time you’ve been to Wakanda you started having feelings towards T'Challa. Although you never thought that he would feel the same. He did.

“Guys, I think you need to see that.” Wanda said nodding towards the conference room. The four of you walked in there sitting next to Sam, Scott and Clint whom didn’t have a chance to see his family after all those things last year. You felt bad for him. He had changed.

“Tony called.” Your eyes widened. “He needs our help. All of us. Even Bucky’s. There’s a new threat somewhere near the main facilities.“ You looked between Steve and Sam who was talking.

“What do we do?”

“We are going home.” Steve said. “T'Challa can you please call your doctots? We need Bucky back.” T'Challa nodded and in five minutes straight five of them were waking up Bucky. “We are going home

Avengers Main Facility, U.S.A.

“They will be arriving in no longer than 10 minutes, sir.” FRIDAY said to Tony as he awaited for his… The people he used to call family.

“Thank you. Inform the others please.” Some minutes later Natasha, James, the Vision and Peter joined Tony.

“You told them to come back.” James said look full of disbelief. “Why?”

“It’s time to leave the past behind. We need them to defeat the beast but also, I missed them” The five of them watched as the quinjet landed to the ground. The first person to come out was Steve. He made eye contact with Tony and nodded. After him Bucky, Scott, Wanda, Sam and Clint followed and last you and T'Challa. T'Challa smiled at you softly.

“How do you feel Y/N?” He asked you.

“I’m okay. A little bit scared. Thank you.”

“You don’t have to be scared. I’ll be by your side.” You chuckled but stopped when you heard Tony’s voice.

“Well, well, well.. My favorite fugitives.” You raised an eyebrow and Wanda clenched her fists. “Oh, your majesty. I didn’t see you there.”

“Mr Stark. Its good to see you again and I’m thankful you decided to ask for my help.“ Natasha came out of the building but couldn’t resist to come and hug you ,then Wanda.

“I missed you, guys”

“We missed you too Nattie.” You smiled softly and she giggled. “ Tony, what is the threat you were talking about?“

“Oh, yeah, that.. There’s a shapeshifter behind those forests. It kills people everyday and we can’t track them down. We need you guys to help us eliminate it and then.. We should reunite the team. Nothing is the same without you guys.”

“Why should we trust you, Stark. I haven’t seen my family for almost a year, you locked Wanda in a room and everyone here in some fucking cells. And we are supposed to trust you?” Clint said furiously.

“Clint calm down. I know that you are angry but we have to stick together so the world will be safe again. You’ll see your family again. I promise.” T'Challa stepped in. You were impressed at how good he was going.

“I’m in.” You said. Everyone from the team nodded and you walked back into the facility. “God I missed this place.” T'Challa smiled at you.

“Well since I don’t have a room to spend the nights in, I’ll have to stay at the quinjet.” You frowned.

“Have you talked to Sharon?” You asked Steve who was currently sitting alone in the room.

“No, she is still at Europe, I think.“ He continued reading the details about the shapeshifter. “Have your talked to T'Challa?”

“What am I supposed to say to T'Challa?” You questioned and he let out a laugh.

“That you like him. Come on Y/N.. I know everything.” You furrowed your eyebrows.

“I don’t play with these type of things. And If I did, Steve. He probably wouldn’t like me back. He’s a king and I’m just… I just know that.” He continued his laughing. “Why the hell are you laughing, Rogers?”

“Y/N, please.. He’s a king, yes. But that doesn’t mean he has no feelings. Just tell him before it’s too late.” You rolled your eyes.

“Alright, I will.” He clapped his hands together but then the rest of the Avengers entered the room.

“We have to suit up”

Not long after, maybe an hour later you had found your old suit. You just took five small knives and one gun considered that you didn’t do well with weapons. You had your own way. Being a werewolf and stuff your deadly claws couldn’t let you grab a single gun. You were especially an Alpha so that meant, more strength and your senses at their best.

***

The woods were calm as always. The sound of the birds could distract you from your target but you had the Black Panther with you.

“Stop” You said and tried to catch again the weird scent you had some seconds ago. “I can feel it. It’s really close to us.” When you turned to face T'Challa he was trying to claw the shapeshifter that attacked him. “Well, it’s closer to us.. Tony we found him.” You ran to help T'Challa but you fell on the ground. Something was blocking you from getting close to the shapeshifter. Mountain Ash

“T'Challa I can’t fight this thing!”

“Why?”

“It’s carrying mountain ash and.. Oh fuck is that wolfsbane?” The world around you started to darken. You looked down and spotten a huge scratch. In the next five minutes you were out.

One week later

“Is she going to wake up?” T'Challa asked Tony but he only raised his shoulders. “There has to be a cure. Something we can do to keep her alive.“

“I don’t know. That wolfsbane was too strong for her. He have to wait. She’s the only one that can lead us to this thing.” Tony sighed and put his forehead between his hands

“Wait, you are saying that when she wakes up, she’s going back in field? It’s too dangerous for her!”

“Tony, I agree with T'Challa. We can’t just let get hurt. We can find it ourselves.” Steve stated and some members of the team nodded. Just as Tony was about to fire back something a voice made them all turn around.

“If we are having another civil war then I’ll need more wolfsbane.” You mumbled, you voice weak. Just as T'Challa saw you, he practically run to you and crashed his lips to you. “Well that one was unexpected” You chuckled and he smiled stroking your face.

“Ugh guys.. We are still here.” Both your head snapped and looked at Tony. “Sorry for destroying the moment but you knoww how PDA works..” You rolled your eyes.

“How are you feeling wolfie?” Clint asked and you sat among T'Challa and Steve.

“My nostrils still hurt from the wolfsbane but otherwise, I’m good.” You smiled and turned your head to the window. “No fucking way..” You whispered. “Watch out!” You yelled and fell to the ground. The shapeshifter was here. Bucky was about to attack but you didn’t let him. “Wait..”

“Mrs. Y/L/N I suggest you take a step back.” FRIDAY advised you but you kept going forward.

“Who are you?”

“I think you know me, Y/N..” How the hell did that thing know your name.. “You are actually the one that made me what I look like today.” He turned around, skin in the color of the sky, eyes made of fire and fangs twice the size of yours.

“I don’t remember you. Why did you kill all those people?”

“I’m going to tell you a small story. Seven years ago, when you first gotten your powers. The man that gave them to you.. Derek.. He told you as a first step to bite me.. See if it’s working.” You let out a shaky breath.

“Rosesinskin” You mumbled and he let out an annoying laugh.

“In the flesh” Natasha lookes at Steve with concern and T'Challa put an arm around you defensively. “Oh, I can see you made some friends here. What happened to the others? I forgot, you killed them, wolfie. That’s how your friends like to call you, huh? I like to call you a murderer.” You tried to keep a straight face although it was hard.

“It wasn’t my fault for Regina’s death. You know that very well. Why did you kill all those people?”

“Oh, no, no, dearie. They weren’t all innocent. They deserved their death. Instead of my daughter and her friends.” Your claws started to form and your eyes glowed red.

“Y/N calm down. Don’t listen to him” T'Challa quietly said, knowing that you could hear it due to your powers.

“You are just a monster Y/N, you don’t deserve everything you have here. You guys, step back from her. One day when she flips out, she’s going to eat you all.” You let out a growl but he was fast to grab you by your neck.

T'Challa was fast to act and threw the man to the wall punching him repeatedly. “Hands. Off. My. Girl. Bitch.” He spoke between punches and gritted teeth. The team stared with mouths hung open as they tried to help you get on your feet. Rosesinskin was laying unconscious on the ground when T'Challa stood up.

“What? Noone touches my girl.”

majoringinsarcasm  asked:

Kageyama and Tsukishima are the couple that always drags each other no matter who's present. And a lot of people who don't know them are like "you guys are awful together you shouldn't insult each other". Which is when they combine forces. Form of: back hand shade! Shape of: middle finger! Because 1) how dare some 'commoner' insult Tsukki's king, and 2) who the hell gave someone permission to talk smack about Kag's royal pain in the ass? Step off outsiders, this court is too good for you.

ahh, those poor fools, tsuki and kage insulting each other is basically foreplay

they are that couple you just do NOT mess with: kageyama is the reactive type and tsukishima is slow but deadly, never-forget-never-forgive sort of guy so you can rest assured that it’s gonna be painful if you get on their bad side.

as i said before and probably will say again and again, i’m INSANELY weak to that weird power-play thing they have going on. imagine them as captain and vice-captain, which would only serve to amplify this tendency. 

during their second year, pre-dating, this little name calling thing starts to get a little (a lot) out of hand, it’s now playful and suggestive (“ugh, he’s gonna get bakageyama pissed again.” “wait, why is he smirking-” “wait did he just tell him to do as he’s ordered? is that tsukishima smiling??? what the HELL IS THIS”). anyway, team quickly learns to look the other way and do the la-la-la i don’t hear anything when kageyama and tsukishima start to throw away fake-insults while trying very hard to suppress their grin.

ofc, these happen during matches too, especially when kageyama yells at him for not focusing (i know tsuki has become a lot more invested but he’s still the type that gets discouraged easily)  “oh forgive me your highness for i am not worthy” “should i find someone worthy then?” –> kageyama quickly learns the last one gets things done. 

Justin comforts you after a breakup.

You and your boyfriend have been together for almost a year but you haven’t been able to have a conversation without getting into an argument. It’s beginning to hurt your feelings and you’re starting to not want to be in a relationship with him anymore.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket. You pulled it out and enter your passcode. You had a text message from your boyfriend, Blake.

You sent a photo with a message attached. “Who is this and why and why are you with him?” it read. You rolled your eyes at the picture he sent. It was of you and your cousin at his birthday party.

“Blake, it’s me and my cousin. You’ve met him, remember?” 

“How am I so sure it’s your cousin? You could have lied. It could be your side nigga for all I know.” 

You were getting angry now. You gritted your teeth and began typing.

“You know what? If you’re so insecure about your relationship why are we still in one? Relationships are based on trust. I’m not even sure why you’re so upset over a picture of me and my COUSIN. You’ve met him before! He was at my family reunion last year. Do you remember that? What next? Are you going to accuse me of sleeping with my brother? Hell, I can’t take a nap without you getting upset.” I tapped the send button and patiently waited on a reply. Was what I said too mean? Oh well, he shouldn’t have acted dumb.

“Maybe you’re right, Y/N. This relationship just isn’t how it used to be. You’ve been acting so different lately. I think it’s better if we just stopped seeing each other. Cut off all connections, that kind of stuff. It will be better for both of us. I’m sorry.”

I felt the tears start pouring down my face. I didn’t think he would actually agree with me, but I could only wonder what he meant when he said I was acting different. 

I immediately called Justin. He always knows exactly how to make me feel better, no matter the circumstance.

The phone rang a few times before I heard his voice on the other line.

“Hey, Y/N. What’s up?” He asked.

I was thinking of what to tell him before I burst into tears. I couldn’t do it. My feelings were so shot that I didn’t know how to feel or what to do.

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.” He said before hanging up.

I collapsed onto the ground, curled up into a ball and just cried. I cried so hard that my stomach was aching, my eyes were hurting, my mouth was dry, and my face was covered in tears and snot. My vision was blurry and all I could hear were my screams.

The sound of my front door opening made me quiet down before I remembered that Justin was coming. He had the key to my house so he just let himself in.

“Y/N, where are you?” He called out.

I let out a scream to let him get an idea of where I’m at. I didn’t bother trying to talk because I probably couldn’t to begin with.

He found the room I was in and rushed to my side. 

“Y.N, what’s wrong? Why are you on the floor? You’re not hurt are you?” He asked, checking my body for any sign of physical injury.

I shook my head and pointed at my phone which was on the other side of the room lying face down on my carpet.

He slowly walked towards it, picked it up and entered my passcode. 

“What happened? Your phone is fine. Is there something on it I need to see?” He questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“Messages. Blake.” I managed to spit out.

He nodded and did as he was told. As he was reading the messages I could tell he was getting angry. His free hand kept clenching and releasing. His face was slowly turning a bright red. 

Where he was finished he shut your phone off and sat it on a table before coming to your side and pulling you into a hug. He brought you closer to him and he let you cry into his chest.

“It’ll be okay, Y/N. You can always find better. But, do you know the best part about all of this is? We can finally start hanging out again without him calling every five minutes asking what you’re doing. We can go to new places, play games, go to the movies, whatever we want to do. We can even stay in and order pizza without you being accused of cheating. You now what. How about we go somewhere now. We can catch a movie and go to Taco Bell, I know that’s your favorite.” He says, just rambling on.

“Justin,” You said, interrupting. “I would love to do that but I look, and feel, a mess.”

“Pizza and Netflix it is, then. How abut you shower and I’ll order a pizza and find something to watch?” 

“Sounds like a plan to me.” You say, smiling.

“There’s that smile I love.” He said, poking your nose and making you blush.

“What would I ever do without you?” You ask him.

He just laughs and pats your back.

“I’ll be downstairs when you’re ready,” He said, kissing your cheek. “I love you, Y.N.”

“I love you, too, Justin.” 

on feeling absolutely nothing

Feeling all too much at the same time, we talk about it way too often, but rarely about the other sign of the coin, about feeling absolutely fucking nothing.

I don’t know about you, but I find being empty way harder to handle. Every body can understand being a little crazy, going so passionate about things for a period, falling in love oh so often, because it is similar to growing up. We all have that time of life when everything just needs , needs, needs to spin around how we feel, because that’s how we connect with life, with our own true self, and it is the first step to being alive to some.

But, what goes up must comes down, and newspaper and television might tell you what medication is good for that mid life crisis, where are the therapists that might, just might makes you feel like life is worth living again, but but but we are seriously lack of infos on how to deal with lack of love at teens, at 20s, at sometimes a little older.

Why? because “it’s just all in your head!! you are 21, you just need to go our and enjoy life!!”

May be it’s because i tried to deny my feelings, may be it’s because others tried to deny my denial of feelings.

Me, I feel fake. So fake at that time. Laying in bed and remembering vividly how I used to love, still can feel that warmth somewhere, remembering how sun used to lay in someone’s special eyes and made in a delicious butterscotch colour, yet at the same time being stiffer than a mother fucking dead bodies.

I want to pick up my old camera and rolling around in dirt, finding that perfect angle. I want to dance all night long with 80s music blasting, heart beating so fast it might just stop any moment. I want to smile, may be, just a simple muscle-moving-technique that I have practiced way too hard in this 20 years of living, but i just can’t. I’m just as stiff as a mother fucking dead bodies.

Everything slips, slipping, slipped away. I’m no longer me, I am now a shadow of what I used to be. Same shape, yes, but the colours are gone. I no longer hear people told me to quite down, i’m talking too loud. I no longer here my loves yell “be careful, don’t run, look at both side before you cross the street, wait for the traffic light”. I miss my own laughter.

“She peaked”. “Oh poor thing”. “She used to be something”, doesn’t hurt me at all. I can’t feel my face, my brain is fogged, my heart has been drained, so why should it hurts?

I remember the day my niece, my little baby girl, the little angel I care about so much, little tiny bright spot in this very dark world, offer me a piece of candy that she got from her teacher because she did well with her tests. I want to smile, I want to use that simple-muscle-moving-technique that I have practiced way too hard in 20 years of living to treasure that little tiny precious moment, to at least give back the minor inconvenient of manor of thankful, but I can’t. I fucking can’t. A child I love give me a piece of candy, I can’t fucking smile. Can’t fucking feel my face. Simple as that, pieces of me starts to fall out somewhere, splattered in a black hole may be, and I want to cry, but ofcourse I can’t.

A man I used to love, used to be so angry at me because “I am no longer the one he fell for”. I told him I just no longer want to live. He said but at least try god fucking damn it. I never told him I did tried, my face just didn’t show.

My sister, came home from a long day of work, with all of her worries, clueless to do anything else but to yell: “You are still at the same spot with when I left you this morning! Why? Why? Why???”.

I never told her I went to hell and back.

Hahaha. Typing that, not showing that.

Days and days and days laying in bed watching movies. Drinking. Getting high. Eat, and eat , and eat. Constantly need to comfort myself. Other’s feelings are no longer matter. Yeah i’m mother fucking selfish. I’m in pain, i’m in pain, do you understand? I’m in pain but I can’t feel it, but it’s there, and it’s sitting on my chest like an invisible demons, and if for just a second I acknowledge it it will be over, I will be taken, so please just let me be, get lost in my own world, forgetting about this particularly very dark world, so I can hang on just a moment longer.

I never stop trying, but it’s so dark, i’m afraid if the lights come on now I will be blind forever.

I want you to give up on me but I also don’t

Everything is a paradox, an endless circle, and tomorrow morning the sun will rise but I may not

Everything is temporary

But why does this pain feel like it’s never going to end?

But why haven’t you leave yet.

Love,

from yours truly

even if I might not feel it.

instagram

The past few years have been a crazy journey. Looking at my vision board is feeling more and more like looking at my instagram and I feel blessed to say that. I’m extremely grateful for experiencing all the opportunities I used to dream of as a kid. And I’m overwhelmed to experience the ones I never had the imagination to think up, such as my face being on billboards.

People often ask me how it feels to see my face plastered across a city and truthfully, I’m not really sure. It’s definitely surreal and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel cool as hell. Especially in my hometown of Toronto, where this video was shot, it was a proud moment. Toronto has always given me so much support and has taught me about love and diversity for a lifetime. A lot of who I am today is shaped by this amazing city and the people in it.

But billboards or not, I’m still the same girl who started making YouTube videos 6 years ago because she wanted to feel happy. Today, I am dedicated to humbly receiving new opportunities and remembering that time. I don’t know why I’m typing this and to be honest there’s way too many cute dogs to follow on Instagram to read a caption this long, but I want to make people happy. I want to be an advocate for positivity, one love, togetherness, self-growth and kindness. These are my values and they will be embedded within every step of my growth. There are so many people in the world that spread negativity and when you see my face, I want you to know that my energy will attempt to counteract that. In my own little way, this is my personal mission. On a billboard, on a streetcar, on YouTube, on a flyer or on your little sisters binder, I will always be trying to exude love. I won’t be perfect at it, but I am committed to trying every single day.

Thank you for taking 7 minutes out of your day to ever watch one of my videos. I hope you felt your time was well spent. For those who support me, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart to helping me get where I am. I will continue to hustle harder than ever before to not prove my haters wrong, but prove my lovers right.


Thank you for being here ❤️
Video by: @derekpueblo
#Toronto #HigherPower

Made with Instagram

dragonduizhang  asked:

Hello!!! I absolutely adore your drabbles and I always read them before I go to school cause they just put me in the best of moods. Anyway! How about "penpals" for one word Sunday?

(Hello sweet bean! I’m so glad you enjoy the drabbles, that makes me so happy! And I hope it was ok I made these penpals more modern as email and messenger pals? FYI, I made this drabble set where Aomine and Kagami don’t know each other, so keep that in mind or you all might be confused. lol. Enjoy!)

Aomine sat in front of his computer, reading through the email a second time, smirking at certain points, enjoying the funny drabbling of the sender. He had no idea how this had happened to him. He had been in some dumb chatroom, scrolling through the hilariously stupid names until one had caught his eye. The similarity to his was what made him stop and start a conversation. Now here he was, 5 months later, emailing a complete stranger, someone he didn’t even know the name of, and was smiling like an idiot. Aomine shook his head, starting to type back, answering the questions asked of him and simply talking about nothing. A lot of their emails involved basketball, which he found out the other guy, yes he knew he was a guy as well, really loved and played on a team too.
Aomine being way to straight forward ended the email with a final question.
Are you single?
Forcing himself not to think about it, he sent the email, grabbing his stuff and headed out the door, needing to get to the game he had, knowing his coach might actually kill him if he was late again.

Kagami stared at the email, or rather at the last question. How did he answer this? Was the other guy just making conversation or was he interested? Kagami had no idea if the other guy was into guys as well after their many months of conversations. He certainly didn’t want to ruin their relationship by asking such a stupid question. Taking the question at face value, he answered.
Yes. Are you?
Cringing at the question, Kagami sent it quickly before he could think twice. Sighing he left the computer, needing to go outside and play basketball. He wasn’t running away from his feelings. Not at all. Hell he hadn’t even asked the other guy his name. He dribbled the basketball hard, forcing himself to stop thinking stupid things.

Aomine stared at the screen for a few minutes, wondering where to go from here. He had gotten the answer he wanted, but now how did he answer back. Of course he was single and very interested in this ‘Tiger’ but how to not come across as a creep was out of his range. As he sat still wondering what to say, his messenger popped up. 


Tiger: Hey, what’s up?
Panther: Oh hey, not much. You?
Tiger: Got back from practice. Legs are tired as hell.
Panther: Ha. You not cut out for the sport baka?
Tiger: Shut the fuck up. Of course I am. I could beat you anytime.
Panther: HA. In your dreams.
Tiger: Sometimes..
Kagami smacked himself on the forehead. Why the hell had he typed that?!
Tiger: Ignore that.
Panther: Hmmm…and if I don’t want too?
Tiger:……then don’t?
Aomine put his head back for a minute, taking a deep breath. Grow some balls, Daiki. Refocusing he typed.
Panther: I’m Aomine. Aomine Daiki. You?
Tiger: Kagami Taiga.
Panther: Taiga? Haha…nice name.
Tiger: Ugh don’t start.
Aomine laughed out loud, imagining the eye roll in that sentence.
Panther: So…
Tiger: hmm?
Panther: To answer your question, yes I am.
Kagami stared at the screen for a second, thinking of what question, but then it hit him full force.
Tiger: Ah I see
Panther: You like guys?
Kagami choked on his drink, shocked at the direct question.
Tiger: You’re pretty to the point.
Panther: No point in screwing around the question, Kagami.
Tiger:…….Yeah. Yeah I do. You?
Panther: You saying you like me or you asking?
Kagami snorted, shaking his head at the cheesy line.
Tiger: Dumbass.
Panther: Haha…I’m bi. Into whatever catches my eye.
Tiger: That’s cool.
Panther: Hmm I suppose.
Kagami took his chances, blushing as he typed the next question.
Tiger: So did I catch your eye then?
Aomine stared at the question, smirking at the boldness of the other boy. Who’s cheesy now?
Panther: And if I said you did?
Tiger:…I might like that.
Panther: We both know you like it.
Tiger: You never really answered.
Panther: Yeah. Yeah you did.
Kagami sat back, blushing and smiling like an idiot. Well, this was definitely progress.

Running Away Into A Strangers Blue Eyes

This is based on a dream I had so….yeah. Seriously my favorite one I’ve ever written.

Warning: I say fuck a lot; daddy; thigh riding;sex;smut;dirty talk; luke being a sexy bastard

“Sissy hurry the hell up we’ve got to get out of here!”, I said hurriedly to my best friend of 17 years as i stuffed clothing item after personal item in a giant suitcase.

 "I’m trying! I didn’t know this would be happening!“, she yelled back, still completely shocked that I was doing this as she tried to pack everything that she owned into suitcases.

 "They will be wondering where I am, we’ve got to hurry the fuck up!” I hollared at her.

 "I know I know! I can’t believe you’re-WE’RE-actually doing this! Are you sure about this?”,she asked still unsure about the whole thing.

 "Yes I’m sure, I’m so ready let’s go!” I said almost out of breath from the suddenness of it all.

 Why the hell I agreed to marry the man in the first place I’ll never know. Kyle was a great guy, but he wasn’t what I wanted. He wanted to stay in our little town forever and I didn’t want that. Honestly he was my type, but something about him just turned me off. He didn’t give me butterflies anymore, not that he ever really did. The family adored him, but deep down I knew that I didn’t. He wasn’t the one for me. 

Now here I was, on our wedding day, stuffing my suitcase with every item I had ever owned. I was running away to California with my sister, my best friend. The decision had been sudden, really sudden, say about five hours ago when I booked the flight to Los Angeles and told her we were going. I knew my mom would be pissed, and Kyle heartbroken, but something told me to get my ass out NOW.

 "Ready!“, she exclaimed as she wiped her brow.

 "Let’s go!” I said quickly.

 We packed our suitcases in the car and headed toward the airport.

 "I seriously can’t believe we are doing this.” She said as she looked out of the window, mentally saying goodbye to our shit town.

 "We’ve got to sissy.” I said grabbing her hand.

 "And you’re sure about Kyle? You know he’s going to be devastated.“ She said.

A ping of guilt hit me, but I shook it off.

 "He’ll be fine eventually. I dont even know why I agreed in the first place.” I said rather coldly.

 "Me either. He was not your type at all.” She said giggling. “But still, he’s up there at the alter by himself. Mom’s gonna be so pissed. Especially when she finds out where we are.” She said a bit frightened.

 "They’ll all be alright. This is for us. We’ve got to live for us. I’m done living for everyone else.” I said. 

 She smiled at me and nodded her head.

 "You’re damn right!“ She said. 

 This girl had been my backbone for so many years. Nothing I could do would make her judge me and the same went for her. When I stopped putting on my makeup and threw my lipstick across the room exclaiming that I had to get the hell out of here she only questioned me for a second before she was handing me my car keys and we were driving back home where I booked our flight and packed our belongings. 

 We made it to the airport, through security, and before I knew it we were on a plane heading straight for Los Angeles. LA had always been my dream-the opportunity, the glamour- and it was finally happening. 

 The plane ride was a quiet one, with little turbulence which I, and the cereal from this morning, was very thankful for. Once the plane landed sissy and I just sat back, still not fully comprehending what we had just done. We had just run away from our little town in Missouri to the big city of Los Angeles, California. I looked at her and smiled.

 "We are home.” I said. 


 We walked around the big airport for hours trying to think of what the hell our next step was.

 "So…like…where are we gonna stay at?” She asked giggling.

 "Didn’t think that one through.” I said nonchalantly.

 "Soul sister lives here!“ I shouted excitedly remembering that one of my good friends lived in LA as well.

 I called her up and she graciously told us that we could stay as long as we needed to. We hailed a taxi to her apartment where inside I had to spill my guts about everything that had been happening.

 "Holy shit girl, that’s insane!” She said after I caught her up.

 "Tell me about it!” My sissy laughed.

 "I’m just thankful you are such a sweetie peetie love of my life.” I said hugging my friend as she giggled.

 "Ah girl you know I love your Ole crazy ass.“ She said smiling. 

 We all talked for a couple more hours before she decided that her and her friends wanted to show us all that LA had to offer, starting with the clubs. We graciously accepted and got ready to go out.

 LA night clubs were unlike anything I had ever seen, they were huge and there were so many people. It was a culture shock for sure, but I was happy.

 The one chosen tonight was a bit of a classier place - restaurant, bar, club, type deal so we sat down and ordered a few drinks just enjoying the atmosphere. My friend and her friends all went to talk to a group of people that they knew leaving my sissy and I alone.

 "Uh I’ll be right back.” She said looking somewhat intrigued.

 "Okay. Be careful love.” I said smiling at her.

 I was never one for big crowds or for being left alone in an awkward situation. I was the queen of awkward, but here I was-alone - in a place I knew nothing about.

 I was searching around the room when my eyes landed on something very interesting. He was a tall boy, about 6 ft or so. From what I could tell he had blonde hair and a lip piercing. He was decked out in a nice long sleeve shirt and black jeans. He looked at me and smirked and I looked down embarrassed that he had caught me staring. I looked up again and noticed him looking at me. I smiled and looked down again, pushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear. My heart stopped when I looked up again only to see him coming my way.

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