why so adorable dan

Clean Me, Daddy | 30.03.17
  • Phil: "Why aren't you cleaning us?" said Candice. Oh...
  • Dan: Excuse me?
  • Phil: Last time I did a live show, I accidentally ordered 300 cleaning wipes.
  • Dan: I know. I've seen them.
  • Phil: So, you can have the honour of cleaning them.
  • Dan: Excuse me?
  • Phil: The webcam. It's a bit grubby, so you know give them a clean. Give them a wipe. Someone just said "clean me, daddy".
  • Dan holds the cleaning wipe with regret. Phil burst out laughing and Dan starts speaking in a high pitched voice.
  • Dan: Yeah, I read that too. What is this?
  • Phil: It wasn't this weird when I did it!
  • Dan: There's a section of your live show where...
  • Phil: No, it's not a section!
  • Dan: ... you clean them?
  • Phil: No, I'm just saying we're slightly blurry and they'd like to see us in 1080pHD quality.
  • Dan: No, you planned this. It's a section where you clean the audience. Now everyone is saying "clean me".
  • Phil: They liked it. Just do it! I'll make the sound effect.
  • Dan: There's dozen of tens of thousands of people saying "clean me" right now.
  • Phil: Dan, clean them. Clean them!
  • Dan: Jesus Christ.
  • Phil: Do it! It's what you signed up to do.
  • Dan suppressing a regretful chuckle, Phil grinning so damn wide.
  • Dan: Oh my God, stop! The chat! Frick. Even the YouTube comments are going to be ruined. Oh, whatever you fricking..
  • Dan wipes the webcam while Phil makes the sound effect.
  • Phil: That's the noise of the cleaning wipe. Look how clear we are now though. My pores are here.
  • Dan: And yet, I feel dirty.

anonymous asked:

that one photoshoot they did with the cake and plate of cookies... dan feeding phil the cake (more like shoving it in his face) with the fondest look ever? I think about that a lot

underrated. under-discussed. why does dan look so adoring in the second one. why are they standing so close. who even came up with this concept. it’s too much :( 

Coincidences | Dan and Phil Play: HIGHER OR LOWER
  • Phil: Oh my gosh, Dan is so annoying with coincidences. I'm like it's a message from the universe and Dan is like no, it's just a thing that has happened and if it wasn't coincidence you wouldn't have noticed.
  • Dan: But Phil is like it's such an amazing coincidence -
  • Phil: It is!
  • Dan: - therefore it must be very special and I'm like no, the universe is very big and random and if something interesting happens then it's just a coincidence and that's interesting.
  • Phil: There's a guy called Sam. I don't know him that well. He's a surfer. I've met him three times at three different airports. Like just randomly. One in Orlando, one in London and one somewhere like Spain.
  • Dan: And I say that's just very random and-
  • Phil: But...
  • Dan: - it's just funny and cool that something so random can happen.
  • Phil: I think it's destiny. I think me and Sam need to team up
  • Dan: See you don't need bullshit to get you excited about the universe. Can you not just be thrilled by statistical improbabilities?
  • Phil: No, it's insane though.
  • Dan: The idea that you and this guy would both end up at an airport several times over several years -
  • Phil: It's insane.
  • Dan: - is a very small number and that's what's thrilling about... physics.
  • Phil: If I see him one more time at an airport, I'm going to go on some kind of mission.

During Phil’s latest live show on the 16th of March 2017, he spent a few minutes (30.30-35.20) just ranting about his degrees and his university experience. I loved that bit so much that I wrote down the first part of the “quote” and posted it here on Tumblr and the last couple of days, I’ve just been smiling so wide at all the tags people have added when reblogging. I think it’s safe to say we all loved that bit and it brought inspiration and smiles to so many.

I’ve compiled a list of all the tags on the quote post so far. It’s quite long so you can read them all below the cut. It took ages but it was so calming to read through all the love and appreciation written in the tags. If you don’t feel comfortable being part of this list, message me and I’ll remove you immediately! I don’t mean to make anyone uncomfortable.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I know youre tryna write about the golf video but ... any thoughts on this sims episode??? oh my god I laughed so much.

i don’t foresee myself writing about it at length bc i don’t think there’s a ton there to analyze but i just watched it and wrote down my thoughts as it happened so i’ll just share those lmao. mostly i just love the 2017 branding which is still completely dominated by flirting and sex jokes. what is the world we are living in honestly. 

more thoughts: 

  • i am 3 minutes in and i’ve already paused to replay things like 15 times because wtf PENIS jokes. they’re just so comfortable with this? dan barely blinked as he delivered that “we like cock everyone” quip? and phil’s little tiny twitch of a smile showing that he definitely heard it, definitely GOT it, definitely is okay with dan saying it!!!!!! fucking hell.
  • why is phil so excited about transforming things, why is dan so adorably fond of him? 
  • also. dan loves bragging about phil’s english language degree so damn much. like i’ve def heard HIM mention that degree far more times than i’ve ever heard phil mention it.
  • this video is basically another instance in which dark!phil is determined to rise. i’ve said in like several video responses now that they’re trying to kill innocent!phil with fire and i think this is a great demonstration of that–he’s like actually GLEEFUL about the idea of ruining the pancakes’ lives and i’m lowkey living for it. 
  • manny vs. nanny. phil’s internalized gender binary … yike. i like that dan pointed out that ‘nanny’ isn’t an innately gendered word, that u don’t really need to draw a distinction by saying ‘manny,’ and phil agreed. his instinct was towards gendering it but with dan’s input he quickly realized the implications of that and seemed to backtrack (or at least explained why he said it. good stuff. i imagine this might be representative of how many of their conversations could go, if/when dan alerts phil to being less aware than he probably should be. very gentle, really, and effective.)
  • 5:34: dan shutting phil up by grabbing his hand and pushing it down. nice. they are really hellbent on working casual touching into every video now, so much that it is barely even a thing anymore. i’m so proud. i’m so emotional. i love this.
  • what the hell even is the banana exchange. why is 2017 phil branding going to be bananas? is this yet another penis joke? why did phil just stare into the camera after he said the banana he ate was really tasty. why did dan give him that sidelong glance. why. def a penis joke. ok.
  • 8:13: phil’s babysitter anecdote. dan just stares at phil for like 10 seconds before saying “golf games?” why does he sound,,, so weird. why did he ask if phil grabbed her boob what th e fuck dan is weird af is he jealous of a babysitter that phil had years ago?? ?? i don’t understand 
  • dil expresses a need to share insecurities, dan concludes he needs a “domestic interaction.” nice. he associates vulnerability in that way with domesticity and i’m HERE FOR THAT. 
  • 14:43: “ask career. ass career.” thanks phil. rly tho, angel!phil is dead.
  • “our audience is emotionally attached to this apartment.” INTERESTING. i wasn’t sure up till this point if this is something they’d think about or care about at all, but dan just said it so instinctively without thinking which indicates that, yes, were they to consider moving (they are considering it and going to do it this year, make no mistake), then one of the factors is ALL OF US and the level to which we feel connected to their current flat. that makes me feel a lot of feelings and think a lot of thoughts, but i suppose i shouldn’t be surprised by it. audience perception and awareness seems to have seeped into so many aspects of dnp’s lives. 
  • dan confirms that phil is not an angel. i mean we knew that, but thanks for making sure we got the message babe

this was a good and cute video. dan and phil love bananas and cocks and they also love flirting. those are my central takeaways. 

(dil burns the pancakes: sims #36)

anonymous asked:

hc when dan is one of the people who sell their nsfw snapchat and phil buys it i'll let you go from there

//pleeeeease give me dirty talk (no daddy kink tho pls), don’t care who tops or whatever, just descriptive dirty talk!

Warning: Smut; cam!boy Dan, whiny Dan, desperate Dan, toys, masturbation, dirty talk, a lot lot of dirty talk, Skype sex, awkward snap chatting, etc.


~Dan is 19, working at a small store and not really making a lot of money. So on the side he sells his NSFW snap chat, making a little extra cash.

~Phil is 23, a horny bastard who hasn’t really had much luck with getting laid, since he was always so busy with work and didn’t go out much.

~Phil was scrolling through some porn, not really intending to buy anything just to get off. Until he stumbled across Dan’s ad

~Dan had an ad, the ad photo being him with a toy pressed into him, his hand wrapped tightly around his cock.

~Phil felt his jaw drop, looking at the ad, scrolling through the photoset. The second one was Dan on his hands and knees, his ass in the air, his hole open and slicked up. The third and last free picture was of the same guy, jerking himself off, his knees against his chest and in a black thong. Phil was in love. Well, in lust.

~Phil clicks the ad, finding out the ad was legit and not just some fake scam. He bit his lip, not having intended to buy anything that night. It was 15 pounds for an hour of sexting. That seemed pretty fair to Phil, and he wasn’t exactly having luck getting laid on his own. What did he have to loose.

~Dan looked up from his book, he was reading something for one of his psychology classes in uni. He saw that someone had bought his ad and was looking to get off. He figured he could use a break from studying anyways.

~Dan sat up and saw the snap, it was a picture of a wall and a very unsure ‘hi…’ From the user name ‘AmazingPhil’

~Dan smiled, the text giving him a shy illusion. He took a quick selfie, using the flower crown filter to make himself look cuter. ‘Hello.’ He sent back.

~Phil blushed, the guy was clearly younger than him, his name Phil assumed to be Dan based off his username ‘Danisnotonfire’.

~Phil looks at Dan’s face again, smiling softly. ‘You’re really adorable..so like how does this work?’ He sent and then another after. ‘I wasn’t gonna buy anything just was gonna get off but you’re really hot..’ He sent.

~Dan rolled his eyes playfully, he wasn’t hot in his opinion. He just had a decently sized ass and a twink like body, drove guys just Dan could never figure out why.

~Dan shrugged, replying quickly. 'Im not adorable. So this is your first time then love?’ He asked.

~Phil nodded, despite how Dan couldn’t see him. 'First time buying my time for sexting.’ He sent and chuckled to himself, feeling like he had made a bit of a mistake. 'I feel so awkward ahhh’

~Dan smiled at the shyness. 'You’re one shy top you know that?’ He teased him and pulled off his shirt.

~Dan took a selfie quickly and hummed. 'Hmm. You like my body then? Im guessing that’s why you bought me?’ He asked.

~Phil’s eyes widened a bit, looking at Dan’s frame. His chest was so pale, but tan at the same time. His collarbones made him drool.

~Phil took a selfie back, hiding half his face to try and avoid looking bad, he wasn’t too confident. 'You do have a nice body.’ He replied, keeping it simple.

~Dan replied quickly, snapping a picture of himself from the side, looking down and closing his eyes. 'I do have an okay body I suppose. What would you like to see?’ He asked.

~Phil chewed his lip, a nervous habit. They had been talking for 15 minutes now. 'I’m not sure yet. What are your kinks?’ He started.

~Dan debated in his head where to start, he didn’t have many but he did have a select few. 'I’m really into praise. I like giving head. Is that a kink?’ He laughed as he sent it followed by another of just his bed. 'I’m into spanking, and I’m not really into daddy kinks.’ He sent. 'But I’ll call you whatever you want. No one ever asks me my kinks’ he sent.

~Phil smiled at the text and nodded, snapping a photo of just his fringe and his eye. 'Well if you’re going to be sexting me I should probably please you in return right’ he asked. 'Or is that not usual? I dunno it seems right to me’

~Dan smiled sweetly at his phone, loving how nice Phil was. Usually guys were pigs who just wanted his nudes, not giving a shit if Dan was pleased.

~Dan snapped a quick pic grinning gently. 'I actually really appreciate that. That’s super neat.’ He replied and then took another picture. 'What are you into?’

~Phil started typing immediately, just taking a quick selfie, using a filter to even out his skin tone due to bad lighting in his room.

~Phil quickly replied, 'Eh I like dirty talk, I like hair pulling, I like receiving head so that works out.’ He hummed.

~Dan smiled at the reply and room a picture of his legs criss crossed, his legs pale and slightly thick, his shorts ending at the top of his thigh. 'Hmm. You’re not into daddy kinks right? Those are just kinda no..’

~Phil let a smile fall across his face. 'No I’m not actually. This works out :P.“ He sent.

~Dan giggles, his cheeks heating up a bit. Phil was so considerate of him. That’s new. 'You’re really nice…so Phil would you like to get things going?’ He smirks in his reply photo.

~Phil smirked and nodded, taking a picture of himself quickly. 'I was curious. How many toys do you have?’

~Dan chuckles deeply, looking down at his phone. 'Hmm. I have 3. My favorite is this big blue one I have.’

~Phil hummed at him, enjoying the chat. 'Oh? And what does this big blue one do that makes it special?’

~Dan smirked and replied, his thumbs tapping against the phone screen quickly. 'It’s thick, and bent to twist right into my spot. And it vibrates..’ He sent.

~Phil hummed and looked at the message. 'You should strip. I wanna see you and this toy in action’ he decided. 'If you’re up for it’ he sent after.

~Dan smiled fondly, Phil was so considerate and nice. 'I’ll tell you what. You’ve been nicer than anyone I’ve ever done this with.’ He sent. 'So as a reward, even though your time is up.’ He sent. 'Give me your Skype.’ He sent.

~Phil sent him his Skype, them quickly adding each other and getting on the camera.

~Dan sets his phone down and looks at him, smiling sweetly. “Please ignore my voice. It’s very articulate, some would say posh but they don’t know anything.” He giggled slightly, covering his mouth to hide his teeth.

~Phil smiled widely and looked at him. “Don’t cover your mouth like that. You have such nice teeth. I like teeth.’ He said. 'It’s a thing I have. Nice teeth are nice teeth.” He smiled.

~Dan blushed and moved his hand, nodding slowly. 'Alrighty then.’ He reached to his drawer. “You still wanna get off?” He asks.

~Phil nods slowly, thinking about what Dan was going to do. Dan looked hot in Skype imagine how he looks in person. “Of course yeah.”

~Dan smiled and pulled off his shorts, smiling at him. “Okay. How are your dirty talk skills?” He asks.

~Phil smirks, lifting his head up a bit. “Pretty good. As I’ve said, I’m really into it. Why?”

~Dan pushed his laptop back and spread his legs a bit. “Is it bad I’ve been turned on just because of how nice you are?” He chuckles nervously, never having been nervous before.

~Phil hummed, watching Dan spread his legs and admiring his thighs and his dick. “Wow…you have such a nice cock. You’re circumcised.” He pointed out and Dan laughed.

~Dan shrugged and grabbed the lube, slicking up the toy quickly. “Hmm. Look how thick it is…not many guys can compete with this toy.” He smirked, his words taunting Phil.

~Phil smirked at him back, chewing his lip no longer nervously but with arousal. “Hmm. Show me what you’ve got.” He leaned back.

~Dan hummed and sat up on his knees, pressing a pillow in front of him and angling the camera to the side to where Phil could see everything he was doing.

~Dan pressed his fingers to his hole, pushing two in instantly, still stretched from a show he did that morning. He slowly stretched himself apart, axis spring his fingers and adding a third one.

~Phil watched him intently, licking his lips and chewing it. “You look really good, Dan…” He hummed softly.

~Dan’s breathing was strained a bit, sucking in and out short breaths between loud moans.

~Phil watched him, his eyes focused on Dan’s fingers slowly moving in and out of himself, slowly being replaced by the toy. He watched Dan’s hips start to rut into the pillow, his dick grinding into the soft fabric for friction as the thick toy pressed into his spot.

~Dan started to moan, his dick and hole getting equal attention due to the position he was in. Through the corner of his eye he could see Phil get out his length and slowly start to stroke himself, and holy hell was he big.

~Dan moved his hips faster, one hand out reached behind him and pushing the toy in and out of him the other pressed the the bed to use as leverage so he doesn’t fall over.

~Phil had his hand wrapped around his dick, slowly stroking himself and whining softly. “You take that toy really well…I bet you like the stretch, I bet you like when it burns, I bet you like when your ass is split open by a thick cock.” Phil stared to talk.

~Dan’s jaw slowly fell open, gasping and whimpering at his words, taken aback by the suddenness of it. “H-holy shit..”

~Phil smirked, noticing how much Dan enjoyed his words and deciding to continue talking. “You like that don’t you? The thought of a real cock, long and thick pounding into you, your hand wrapped around your pretty flushed cock, jolting forward with every hard thrust in that spot that makes your toes curl, huh babe?”

~Dan gasped loudly and whimpered, nodding and closing his eyes tightly Ashe kept fucking himself for Phil. “Shit..fuck fuck Phil keep going..” He said, his voice going higher with each word.

~Phil’s eyes gazed over his body, turning up his laptop speakers, thankful no one was home. He wanted to hear Dan more. He hummed in amusement, rubbing his head and stroking himself quicker, flicking his wrists and bucking up into his hand. “God you look so good…I wonder what you’d be like to fuck. I bet you’d be so needy, clinging to me, scratching my back so hard it bleeds, all while I’m thrusting so hard into you words don’t even form in your head and nothing but moans come out.”

~Dan grunted and nodded, his cock rutting up against the pillow harder, his hips smacking back forth thrusting into the pillow and then his ass back into the toy, his eyes squeezed tightly shut, his forehead wrinkling and his mouth hung open.

~Phil kept fucking himself into his hand, whining softly and watching him closely, enjoying every moment of Dan’s little show. “You’re doing so good Dan..such a good boy..you’re so good for me. Fucking yourself with that toy, humping that pillow like a horny school boy. I bet you wish that was a real cock fucking you huh? A real cock pressing deep into you, prodding at your prostate and throbbing inside you, making you whine and moan out.”

~Dan whimpered, growing closer and looking at the laptop, seeing as Phil stroked himself, the sight of it pushing him closer to the edge until he finally released, moaning loudly.

~Phil smirked victoriously and kept talking. “Good job..look at you ruining that pillow with your cum. Fucking into the toy and moving your hips, so desperate for every last bit of your orgasm. You did so good..” He his voice cracked as he came into his hand, bucking his hips relentlessly and moaning.

~Dan panted, calming down with Phil after they finished. “What happened to you being shy?” He smirked tiredly and rolled over to face the camera.

~Phil hummed and looked at him, leaning back. “You got naked that’s what happened.” He laughed breathlessly.


A/N: This is 2.1 k words. I wrote this hc and made it this long to celebrate 1000 followers!! Holy shit 1 thousand people know I exist that’s crazy :000 thank you all!! I also combined two prompts sorry!! And I know, I suck at endings. Send me prompts?