why must i need to provide for myself

Tuesday rambles

I think the most important thing I have learnt about dogs is to respect them. I know that might seem obvious, but this has been an evolving process for me in my way of thinking and behaving around dogs.

I’ve had dogs since I was a kid and my family have been long-time dog owners. Almost all my relatives have dogs. And while they all love their dogs very much, I’m not sure that there is a lot of respect going around.

When I chose to buy Luca and bring him into my home, I made a conscious decision to not yell at him or punish him. I very firmly knew that I didn’t want to be someone who yells at their dog. Not only is it not useful, it can be the opposite of useful and make minor problems much worse. Despite having a lot of frustrations with Luca’s behaviour sometimes, I choose instead to distract or disengage.

So for the first year of having Luca, my focus was on respecting him in that sense. Yelling is a big one that bothers me because it is still extremely prevalent in dog ownership here. I used to think it was acceptable behaviour too. I still see it all the time: people on the beach yelling at their dogs for rude behaviour, people in their houses yelling at their dogs for barking, club members yelling at their dogs for doing something “wrong” during training, people I know yelling at their dogs for any kind of undesirable behaviour. So this was an easy fix for me. It was everywhere and I knew how to change my own behaviour to make it stop.

But since then I’ve learned even more about respecting my dog. It extends beyond not being overtly mean and scary to him. It’s also about respecting him as an individual. A big thing for me has been taking these Fenzi courses online. Being asked questions like, what does your dog enjoy doing in his free time? Even when I started attending training classes locally and being asked, what is your dog’s favourite treat? Most people don’t really have an answer because they assume all treats are equal in a dog’s eyes. But why should that be the case?

Respecting my dog as an individual means that I should consider him in all things that relate to him. If I want something from him, I am obligated to provide what he needs to achieve it. If I want him to learn something, I must provide an environment where he can learn it. If I want to interact with him, I need to make myself a trustworthy and pleasant person to interact with. Why should I expect my dog to adore me without offering anything in return? You gotta feed and walk your dog and not yell at him and pet him and take him to the vet. But you also have to give him agency, give him safety, give him space and offer him joy.

Under the Weather.

Marco’s POV

I stood in front of the stove absolutely perplexed on what to do next. I must have overestimated my abilities to concoct the perfect homemade chicken noodle soup because it certainly wasn’t as easy as opening a can and pouring it into a pot to warm. Why in the hell did I volunteer myself for this?

I grabbed my phone and dialed Pierre’s number, hoping that someone could provide me some sort of guidance.

“Hello?” His voice cracked over the receiver.

“I need your help,” I immediately blurted out.

“With what?”

I peered down into the now boiling mixture that was brewing on the stove. “I’m making Y/N and Kourtney chicken noodle soup before they wake up, to help them feel better. One problem though. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”

“Why don’t you just go buy some already made?”

I scoffed at the suggestion alone. My wife was far too smart and she’d know the difference between a homemade batch of Marco’s chicken noodle soup and a store bought version made by someone who actually knew how to cook. “She’ll know I didn’t make it and I want her to see that I put some effort into this.”

“I think Y/N would much rather eat the store’s soup than yours if she’s gonna end up poisoned by your chicken,” he chuckled. “I have no idea how to make soup. I barely even eat the crap. Call Hummels. He’s house trained.”

I began to break into laughter at his joke as I took a spoon to the concoction. “Alright. I’ll put him on three-way.” I took the phone from my ear and hit Mats contact so he would be connected to our current call.

“Hallo,” he spoke after the first few rings.

“Mats! Man, I need your help. I’m trying to make my wife this soup and Auba is no help so we figured you might actually know what you’re doing in the kitchen.”

“So you assumed that since I’m the older one I’d know how to cook?”

“Yeah. Kinda,” Pierre chimed in. “That’s the case, no?”

“I’m going to tell you now. No direction I give you is going to make Y/N want to eat that soup. I can tell you that much. Put down the spoon and save your wife the trouble. She’s already sick,” Mats commented.

“I told him that too,” Pierre chimed in once more.

“Yeah you two are no help. I’ll figure this out on my own.”

The two broke into laughter, realizing they really had done nothing but distract me for a moments. Not one had given me instructions on exactly what I should use to season this soup and add some form of flavor.

“Goodbye and good luck.”

“Don’t burn the house down.”

And with their comments, I hung up my phone and dropped it to the counter nearby. I grabbed for the carrots I had pulled from the fridge along with a cutting board and a knife so I could begin to slice them. I placed one down and began moving the knife along before being distracted by my phone vibrating.

I briefly looked over to the screen of the device, still cutting until I felt a sharp sting on my finger. “Shit!” I exclaimed as I looked down to my finger which was beginning to show a sign of blood piercing the surface of the skin. My left hand immediately reached out to wrap around the wounded finger while I grimaced between my teeth.


I turned around to be greeted by Kourt who was still wearing her ‘Frozen’ pajamas and was rubbing at her eyes while she stood in the doorway of the kitchen. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” The small figure neared me curiously and I held out my bleeding finger to show her.

“I just cut my finger, sweetie. I’ll be fine.” Her small green eyes immediately widened in fear. “Oh no! I can help.” She rushed over to the low cabinet and opened it to pull out the first aid kit. I chuckled at her fast action. She had been so used to seeing her mother rush to my aid and nurse my wounds that she was taking over the same role and mimicking her actions.

“Sit,” she instructed as she pointed to the nearby chair. I followed and sat down as she began to open the container. “Can you hand me a napkin?”

I nodded and grabbed one off of the table and passed it towards her. She used it to wrap around the small puncture that was leaking on my finger. Kourt wiped carefully until the red disappeared enough to her liking, then pulling a band aid from the first aid kit that she pulled tightly around the wound to cover it.

“All better!” She exclaimed in satisfaction, smiling brightly up at me.

“Thank you Princess.” I placed a kiss to her forehead and smiled as well. I was quite lucky to have her.

The sound of a new voice caused me to look over my shoulder. “What’s burning in here?” Y/N entered the kitchen much like her daughter had, rubbing her eyes and looking half asleep still.

“Burning?” Oh crap…

I hopped up from my seat and rushed over to the stove, seeing the soup boiling nearly over the brim of the pot. I quickly turned off the stove to settle it down but I worried that I may have messed up this meal even worse than what I started with.

“What are you cooking?” She looked over my shoulder where I stood, covering her mouth as she coughed.

“Chicken noodle soup. Well it was supposed to be but I screwed that up.” I looked pathetically over my shoulder to find her smiling towards me.

“Awww, you’re cooking.”

“Trying,” I corrected. “Trying to cook. You would think it would be easy to follow instructions from the web but I don’t think I did them all too well.” Considering I had almost put in barely cooked pasta noodles I wouldn’t say I had done all that good of a job of reading.

“If I wasn’t sick I would kiss you,” she smirked.

“You owe me plenty when you’re back healthy.”


Mad Max: Fury Road is an action masterpiece. The practical stunts, effects, and story (the whole movie is a chase, an army of bad guys…er, War Boys relentlessly pursuing a small group of women, including their leader Furiosa (Charlize Theron) and our titular hero Max (Tom Hardy). Our protagonists are trying to escape the grasp of the nefarious Immortan Joe (Hugh Keays-Byrne) who will stop at nothing to get his “property” back) will often leave you gazing at the screen with your mouth agape in disbelief. Like I said on my social media after seeing it a second time, this movie is a masterclass in editing and structure. It’s one I will be watching a lot over the next however many years I have left on this rock to not only relive that enjoyment, but to study George Miller’s brushstrokes as a filmmaker and artist. It’s that damn good.

If this movie was purely its special effects and action sequences, it would still be pretty great, one that would stand shoulder to shoulder with some of the best action films out there. However, as I’m sure many of you probably know by now even if you haven’t seen the flick, it isn’t your run of the mill action film. This is a FEMINIST action film. And it’s time for the world to fuckin’ accept it and ENJOY it.


Let’s get this out of the way first: this is NOT “feminist propaganda.” The movie does not beat its feminist themes over your head in any way, shape, or form. The movie presents this silly idea that men and women should be equals and that everything functions better when we’re working together. Now, humor me for a moment as we look at the definition of “feminism.”

fem*i*nism - noun - “the advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.” (via Google)

There’s so much more to the movement than that, but boiling it down to simple terms, women just want (and wholly deserve) equality. Honestly, at this point, we should all be well versed with the word and the ideas behind it. How is it then that I’m seeing a handful of non-M.R.A. (I assume) white dudes on my social media who are trying to deny its feminism? That’s right, ladies! There are some dudes out there who seem to understand the feminist movement better than you do and they say, “MAX SAVES THE WOMENS SOMETIMES AND WOMENS DIE THAT MEANS IT’S NOT FEMINIST.”

Holy balls.

If you didn’t like Mad Max: Fury Road (FREAK!), fine, but for men (again, to my knowledge, not M.R.A.’s) to come out and deny the film’s feminism is silly. Be it they feel they have a better understanding of feminist ideals or that they’re uncomfortable with the label for idiot reasons, I’ve seen this discussion pop up a few times since the film’s release. So, as ANOTHER WHITE MAN who believes these dudes are wrong, I’m taking it upon myself to possibly provide a little more evidence and talk about how my fellow men need to get comfortable with the word and theories of “feminism.”

(I must note that these ideas stem from numerous talks I’ve had with my partner anerdyfeminist and this is more a blending of the different things we’ve discussed together. She deserves as much credit as I for some of these thoughts.)



“The poster says MAD MAX,” you whine. “How is he not the hero?!” Yeah, we get it. Max’s name is in the title and he does play a key role in everything that happens, but this is Furiosa’s/Theron’s movie. Besides the opening, the whole story is about her arc. This is a woman who worked her way through the ranks of men, within a society built by men, and hopes to save other women to take them to a supposed promise land ran by women. She’s the ultimate feminist badass. Max, much like the purpose he serves in The Road Warrior, is simply here to help get her to her goal and that’s okay. Furiosa doesn’t need saving. She simply, no pun intended, needs a hand (much like Max often also needs a hand).

She gets as many badass moments as Max. She is a strong leader and fighter, proving to be an expert sniper (which Max must reluctantly acknowledges by passing her a rifle at one point in the film). She has no interest in romance and is never forced to take her clothes off. On top of all that, she gets the ultimate hero moment when she rips that mask off of Joe’s face, killing and defeating him for good.

She is Max’s equal.

That’s feminism.


There’s a running theme of compassion throughout this movie, something you don’t often see in the action genre. Under Immortan Joe’s rule, Nux (Nicholas Hoult) is taught to worship Joe and to fight for him with hopes of reaching Valhalla. He fails and Joe abandons him. When Capable (Riley Keough) finds Nux stowed away in their rig, hiding in a fetal position and crying, she simply talks to him as an equal, eventually laying down and comforting him. She shows him compassion.

The comfort she provides changes Nux. By the end of the film, he has sworn off the patriarchy built under Joe and is fighting for/with the women. His arc ends with him sacrificing himself, not because of promises of living again in Valhalla, but for these people he has just met. Feminism is about empathy, thinking about others and knowing their feelings and desires are just as important as your own. Nux doesn’t save the women by crashing into the oncoming traffic. He helps them, just like they helped him. It’s because of that compassion Nux sees the truth.

Under Joe’s rule, the men fight and the women have the babies (or have their bodies used for sustenance through breast milk, both against their will. Furiosa appears to be the exception). At the end, when it’s clear Furiosa is in charge of the Citadel, you can immediately feel a new found hope in its people. Seeing her character throughout the course of the film, you know she’s the leader they all deserve.

She’s compassionate and is going to help everyone, not just herself.


While watching the film, you’ll see the main characters mess up A LOT. Not just the men, but also the women. They’re human. You’ll see each of them try and fail to reach the goals they have set out for themselves towards the beginning.

Max is a loner who just wants to escape Joe’s prison and trek the wasteland on his lonesome. He fails.

Furiosa wants to take a truck full of sex slaves (”wives”) to a promise land full of lush green plants, food, and water. She (kind of) fails. (She helps them escape, but there’s no promise land).

Nux wants to “live, die, and live again” by stopping Furiosa and her war rig from escaping. He fails.

It isn’t until all three of these people, along with Joe’s escaped brides and the tough as nails women of The Vuvalini, start working together that they even get close to completing their goals. They need each other, everyone serving an important purpose by the end. They focus on one goal together that will benefit many and that helps them reach their individual goals. FEMINISM, YO!

The men save the women and the women save the men. People helping people. It’s, like, the real world or something (but, you know, with the Doof Warrior shredding his electric guitar in the background).

By the end of the film, the Citadel is under the rule of a woman and its people are celebrating. The mothers who were forced to provide milk for Joe’s babies via mechanical milking devices free themselves from their constraints and turn the water on…for everyone. Once again, these women provide, but not against their will. This visual speaks volumes and it’s a really powerful moment.

There’s a new hope in the Citadel and that’s because Imperator Furiosa and Max Rockatansky came together as equals and worked together.


So, we’ve covered how the film’s a feminist action film, correct? Then, why can’t we admit it? Why are we so afraid of calling it exactly that? Why am I seeing so many people trying to dance around it or refusing to acknowledge it? I can’t help but feel it’s the word feminism itself. Let’s break it down.

Do you believe that men and women are equal and should be treated as such? Yes? That’s feminism!. Do you have a mom or a sister or an aunt or a grandmother or a cousin or a close friend who you think shouldn’t be treated any differently than a man? Are you a just plain good person who believes that women should have the exact same opportunities that men have had and continue to have? Oh, yeah?

This. Is. Feminism. And I know many people (Aziz Ansari recently) have said similar things and I don’t want to retread, but let’s call it what it is.

What’s that? You consider yourself more a “humanist” because feminism sounds like you’re excluding men? Do you think calling people as a whole “man” and not “woman” is any different? Isn’t the fact that some people are so uncomfortable with the idea that the word feminism sounds feminine or “girly” the reason why feminism is even a thing in the first place?!

Women aren’t weak. Women are powerful. Feminism should be seen as a fucking positive and powerful word. I am a FEMINIST. I am a FEMINIST ally. We should be proud to say these sentences.

Mad Max: Fury Road is not afraid to say these things. As a feminist/feminist ally and a fan of action films, Fury Road has skyrocketed to the top of my “best of the year” list and I can see it holding on through December. Hollywood, take note. Not just of the amazing practical effects, but of the progressive symbolism this film embodies.

More feminist action films, please!