why japan why do you do this to me

this photo gives me difficulty in breathing || © 17_0808s2

Seven days ago, I applied to renew my passport. Seven! Only seven days ago, and somehow the new one is in my hand right now.

Bravo, Japan–I know I complain about you, but wow. You get shit done. Bravo, American Embassy. Bravo everybody. This is great.

Please imagine

Viktor Nikiforov, a child star whose career started on Disney Channel Russia. Made the move to mainstream Disney Channel in ‘06 or ‘07 thanks to his ‘heartthrob’ status and a little thing he likes to call “The Summer We Don’t Talk About” that is, the summer he was an international contestant on the Disney Channel Games. To this day there are gifs of him floating around on the internet with all 700 feet of his hair piled on top of his head while he eats cream pie with only his face.

Fast forward ten years and he’s been in half a dozen or so pretty influential movies and despite the whole Disney thing and a period in his career where he was type cast in romcoms, he’s generally pretty well-respected. Sometimes people still run up to him and scream lines from that movie-musical about ice skating he did when he was nineteen (”OH MY GOD CAN YOU SING STAY CLOSE TO ME THAT WAS MY FAVORITE SONG WHEN I WAS ELEVEN CAN I PUT THIS ON INSTAGRAM”) but hey, you win some you lose some.

He encounters Yuuri Katsuki who’s ridiculously talented, got his start on like a Sorkin drama and is now in the running for a fucking Oscar and has exactly zero (0) self-esteem and who Viktor wants to be around All The Time and who has somehow let himself be convinced that Viktor is a suave, classy leading man when Viktor still sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night screaming, ‘HI I’M VIKTOR NIKIFOROV FROM GRAND PRIX AND YOU’RE WATCHING DISNEY CHANNEL’

After their wedding (because of course they get married) they end up spending a few weeks in a condo Yuuri has in Detroit and while Viktor’s looking for the broom (”Looking for the broom,” a phrase which here means “Snooping through Yuuri’s old stuff”) one day, half a dozen rolled-up posters fall onto Viktor’s head and because curiosity killed the fucking cat he unrolls one.

Staring back at him is his own damn self, lanky and reedy as fuck with hair down to his fuckin butt wearing a shorts/tee-shirt combo and the words DISNEY CHANNEL GAMES on the chest. What a little asshole this motherfucker is. Why are you smiling? Is there life in those eyes? Is this a cry for helP?

That’s when Oscar-winner Yuuri Kastuki, Viktor’s husband, comes wobbling in half-asleep, sees Viktor with his fucking CONTRABAND in his hands and goes, “Oh. OH.”

“I was doing such a good job blocking this out of my memory,” Viktor says mournfully, staring at that stupid twink who has no idea that he will someday be married to Best Actor In A Leading Roll Yuuri Katsuki. 

“Oh my God,” Yuuri mumbles.

“Do you know how bad Corbin Bleu’s feet smell after running an obstacle course with a water feature, Yuuri?”

“Why would I know that.”

“Because I do. These are the memories I have to live with every day.”

“Do you want me to get rid of it?”

“No,” Viktor says. “It’s fine. I don’t care. I’ll never trust again, but that doesn’t matter.”

“Why did I marry you.”

The poster disappears the next day and Viktor goes through life happily believing that Yuuri destroyed it in some way, preferably in one involving fire.

(In reality, Yuuri mailed it home to his parents in Japan, where it lives on shoved under his bed like the dirty secret it is. Maybe it’ll be worth something someday.)

anonymous asked:

you do realize that people in asia do the same thing with english, right? go into any clothing store in japan and you're guaranteed to see at least 5 different shirts/accessories with english on it.

Like, I’m totally open minded to the idea that this could be wrong, but it’s always confused me. Why is it bad for us to have Japanese things written on our clothes, but then you see other countries having English on them we don’t get offended, even though they’re doing if for the aesthetic of it too. Idk it’s always confused me, and made me feel bad for thinking that, why is it wrong?

i don’t have the energy to fully articulate an argument about language being linked to colonialism and the hegemony of english as a language being imposed not just on the west but also on eastern cultures and peoples. the very very short answer i can give you is that english has become a default lingua franca throughout much of the world. the domination of english as a language of exchange means that whether they want to or not, a lot of japanese people are forced to learn english. no white person in an english-speaking country is really ever “forced” to learn japanese. a lot of japanese people buying clothes with english text probably understand the words and can actually read the language. dan and phil don’t understand japanese and can’t read it and neither can probably the wide majority of their audience. that means they are utilizing this text for the appearance of it which means they are reducing down a language to its visual appeal or its contribution to their sense of “aesthetic.” their only basic exposure to japanese language and culture is through their avid consumption of anime and one week-long trip to the country where they mostly visited popular tourist destinations, which in itself shows that their understanding of this country, its vast history, and its culture is almost certainly limited to one sector of its entertainment media which, crucially, a lot of actual japanese people don’t even enjoy or watch. it’s just frustrating to see two white men profit off of their fixation on cultural stereotypes and, importantly, perpetuate those stereotypes and reductive thinking amongst their primarily young and largely western audience. on the flip side–japanese people putting english text on their clothing doesn’t really constitute an oversimplification or erasure of an entire language or culture because english is already the world’s dominant language and it’s not tied to a specific country or people. 

anonymous asked:

How would the 2ps react to their v v v v short s/o wanting to be taller so she wears heals all the time even tho they hurt her?

(( hello!! I will eventually reblog the rules again. Terrible sorry for the bad writing, mun doesn’t speak english very well and also wRiTINGS BLOCK HIT ME UP YO. I don’t want to nag, but please please please don’t hurt yourself to become your illusion of pretty. Pretty doesn’t exist.))

2p america: Babydoll, look, i love ur fucking great ass the way it is, now stop wearing those heels. Wait lemma get you some other shoes that don’t fuckin’ kill ya feet. ( will comfort you and even buy you other pair shoes that are more comfortable)

2p canada: Shortstack, your feet are bleeding, put it the fuck away. They belong in the trash. *grumble* I tolerate you just the way you are. ((he’s saying i love you but in an awkward way, he will put you into place and burn those damn shoes)

2p england: Oh my, poppet! Quick put them off, here i got you a nice bath and i’ll give you a foot-massage. Now let us talk.. ( will talk to you about it and give you nice massages)

2p france: Mon dieu, s/o, why are you doing this? Tch, stupid. Give them here, you don’t need those ( grumbles about it but that’s bcs he cares)

2p china: Kitten why do you need these? Now drop these, otherwise you’ll be taller than me! Let us both be short together.

2p russia: Short girls are c-cute. You don’t h-have to be taller for m-me. ( he tries to give a compliment )

2p italy: ragazza, why would you do that to yourself? A beautiful donna such as you should’t do that. ( a 27hour lecture)

2p germany: Katze, stop this. Ya don’t need to be taller, to hell with the rest. Short girls rule!! * insert sexual joke about short girls*

2p japan: Tch, tch. You don’t need high heels. But if you insist to be taller, at least buy comfortable shoes. ( doesn’t care if you want to be taller or not, just wants that you wear other shoes)

2p lovino: Bella donna! Here let us go to a masseuse and go shopping. You’ll be taller and more fashionable.

2p prussia: Don’t do that to yourself, y/n, i don’t want to see you hurt.

littlepinknightmare  asked:

Can I have 2p Japan and 2p nyo Japan yandere headcanons please?

Why do you all want the emotionless bastard. I mean, okay, but. Like. I’m really bad with him.

Also, another of the four people wanting 2p! Japan also wanted Belarus, so…she’s here so I can get it all done at once.

—-

2p! Japan

-”I tolerate you” translates to “leave me and I’ll cut your head off because you’re MINE.”

-Most likely yandere to kill you

.-This asshole tho.

-”Don’t touch me” goes to “Did I say you could fucking leave.”

-No questions, no yelling. Just bland. He doesn’t ask. He tells.

-It’s not exactly a kidnapping, just a “Everybody you love is dead. Including your damn dog. You will come, or I’ll kill you too.”

-Jesus, he’s hard to write for…

-You know all those weird hentai kinks where you see them and just blank because they’re so weird? Yeah, he embodies at least two thirds of them.

-Stay away from Luciano, he’s an asshole.

-Stay away from Lutz, he’s an idiot.

-Stay awAY FROM ZAO, he’s a stupid asshole.

-Doesn’t give a shit if you love him or not. You’re only leaving this house in a bodybag.

-No fluff from this dude. Like, no affection, he doesn’t spoil you…

-You aren’t sure why you’re here. It sure doesn’t seem like he loves you. But, I mean, aside from destroying everybody you ever love, and stopping you from meeting online friends, it’s okay. No having to worry about money, he has food, and he lets you use wifi.

-No romance anime while he’s home. He finds it disgusting, and will turn it off every time.

-As long as he isn’t pissed at you, like, it’s awkward, but okay?


2p! Nyo! Japan-Kind of similar, but no?

-Less “I’m so fucking done” and more “Why do you do this to me”

-Low-key shows she loves you, unlike her male counterpart.

-Like, occasionally, she will let you watch the anime she hates with all her soul, just because you like it. She might even sit in the same room.

-But she won’t pay attention.

-Still hardcore judging you.

-”Here.” As she hands you a copy of the most dePRESSING. TEAR-JERKING ANIME EVER. Then the two of you proceed to watch it, you bawling your eyes out, and her enjoying your suffering.

-While her male counterpart keeps you there to unofficially claim you, she really likes putting you through different emotional extremes, and watching you deal with it. Sadistic bitch…

-Not quite as kinky, but just about there.

-You aren’t allowed to watch Fairy Tail, One Piece, Dragon Ball Z, or anything like that.-Why? She will never admit it. (It’s because of the boobs. She thinks you’ll like fictional characters more than her. She’s jeeeeaaaalous.)

-*Mun gets stabbed*

-*Mun is dead*


Belarus

-But. Why do you need headcanons for her? She’s practically already canon yandere…

-*Mun is stabbed again*

-Okay, okay, geez. Y’all already know she’s always there.

-I don’t know how, but she always, always knows exactly where you are, at all times.

-And god forbid you ever spend time with somebody besides her.

-Unless it’s for work, or something. Then she can deal.

-But spending time with friends? No. Family? Meeeehhhh…maybe on holidays, but not now.

-She understands what it’s like to be close with family. If you want to see them, she will let you on special occasions, if you’re good.

-Didn’t officially kidnap you. You just kind of got the message, and didn’t pull away when she brought you home.

-Really, really, really wants you to meet, and get along with, her siblings. But mostly Russia. She can get jealous of Ukraine…

-Super duper happy if you do. And honestly, Russia’s pretty stoked that Belarus isn’t on his ass because of you, so, as long as you’re a decent person, he’ll probably approve of you.

-That is to say, you’ll still get a ‘friendly reminder’ to keep his little sister happy.

-Don’t ever bother running. She knows where you are, where you’ve been, and where you’re going even before you do.

Yesterday I was ringing up a customer and I noticed he had his daughter with him, who was probably no older than 3. I told him that his daughter is absolutely beautiful and he goes “we know! We have to cover her in bacon to keep the Jews and Muslims away from her!” And for a second I thought maybe I misheard so I asked him to repeat himself and, unfortunately, I heard it correctly. Let me tell you, I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life. So I’m standing there grimacing because we’re not allowed to be rude to customers but I’m pretty transparent so he can tell that I’m not too thrilled. So then he goes “it’s a joke. I tell this joke to Jewish people all the time and they think it’s hilarious. It’s okay though, not everyone gets it.” And I was just standing there thinking “oh believe me, I get the joke in the sense that Jews and Muslims aren’t supposed to eat bacon. What I don’t get is why you would specifically want to keep Jews and Muslims away from your daughter? Like, what do they have to do with her and why would they specifically come after her?” We just stared at each other for 10 seconds before he quickly changed the subject to his experience living in Japan.

What do you mean you’re single?? But you should already be thinking of marrige at your age, like people 200 years ago used to do!

Good morning.

So, guess what, I’m 18 and I’m single. Shocking, right?

I’m almost sure that none of people reading this are actually shocked by this random fact about me. Well, I hope so. As for me, I think you have a right to start dating any time you want, and, if you wish, you can even not start dating at all. Because this is your personal choice, this is how it works. Amazingly easy to understand.

Okay, it sounds like a starting of a ranting, and I guess it is a ranting, but I just wanted to make my opinion clear. Yesterday I met my friends (and I don’t see them very often) and there’s this little thing that they sometimes do. It doesn’t make me angry or annoyed, but I see it as a topic that is not the best thing to talk about. They ask “So K, are you seeing anyone now?” or “So do you like any guy at the moment?”, or they tell me “You’ll never find someone if you have such high standards”, or my favorite “You’ll never find a boyfriend if you keep doing *a thing*”. Luckily I don’t hear the last one often; if I did I would be already dead by doing seppuku right in the cute café, in which we were having a nice chitchat. I mean, why do we should discuss my dead lovelife if we could talk about penguins slipping on the ice in Antarctica, or about how high are costs of strawberries in Japan, or why do the cats have a claws on their penises? There are so many things to talk about, the fact that I hate 99.9% of humanity and do not want to date anyone I know is not the most interesting one.

I’m trying, okay. I even have a Tinder, and I talk to people there. Well, I may swipe left more often then I should, but I’m trying. I don’t want to start dating just anyone, so there’s nothing wrong about being picky. Dating someone is not a question of your age, it’s all about you feeling comfortable enough near someone who feels the same way. Mutuality, this is what is important. And as long as I don’t feel it, I’ll be alone. And I feel pretty good being single. I love it, actually. So the person who will be the end of “my lonely life” and the start of “me being in love life” should be very special, special enough for me to give up my happy single-pringle way of living, and to realize that I cannot live without this person.

Looking forward for being alone for as long as I want and being happy with it!!,

K (170419)

drawacircleitaly  asked:

If you want to start fresh and clean mum that's totally ok!! In that case, how would the 2ps react to having multiple fangirls and fanboys chasing after them?

Thanks for your support as always!

2p America: runs away BACK YOU ALL! BACK BACK!

2p England: climbed a light pole I love love too, but all of your love at once is scary!

2p France:….Well sh*t gets swarmed

2p Russia: Why do you all like me? Don’t you people like sparking things like, what’s that name…, Edwardo!?Go stalk him! fights them off with a shield if books

2p China; wants he see what happens if he gets swarmed “I REGRET EVERYTHINGGGGGG!!!”

2p Canada: This is why I lives in the middle of the woods. No one can find me her-OHMY THEY FOUND ME! gets swarmed

2p Italy: He has bodyguards to push people away from him. If they fail good thing he can run fast.

2p Germany: What should I do with this mob of people?….CROWD SURFINGGGG!!!!!!!!!! 

2p Japan: No, no no go shoo, shoo has his katana out

2p Romano: OMFG MY FANS! can play the crowd and stay safe. It’s his special talent

2p Prussia: gets overwhelmed by all the people, both physically and emotionally

2p Austria: gets in a house with a chimney, wait this they climb the roof and tries to go down the chimney, light the chimney on fire MWAHAHAHAHA I win

Originally posted by ikindafunny

Big Bang reactions to you doing break up prank on them

[GIFs not mine]

T.O.P

You were out with your best friends and you drank a lot of alcohol and you were not thinking straight anymore. One of your friends told you to do a break up prank on him and at that moment it seemed like a great idea so you did. You sent him a text saying you can’t do this anymore and you want to break up.He knew you were gonna get drunk so when he saw the text he didn’t reply making you regret sending the message. He knew that even if there would be something bothersome in your relationship you would tell him that. He was confident on your relationship and the next day when you came home he asked you exactly did you do and where did you go, then he showed you the message and you regretted it even more.

*when he sees the message*

Originally posted by saliechelon255

G-Dragon

You were really bored because he wasn’t home and he even took your dog with him, so you were scrolling through youtube videos and found someone doing break up prank to his boyfriend and you thought it was very funny, so you did it too. You send him a message just saying “We’re breaking up”. You couldn’t even imagine what he will say.He was just taking instagram photo with his phone when he saw your message. He was with other Big Bang members and he was really in shock and didn’t know what to do. He sat back and stared at the wall. Others asked him what’s wrong and when he told them you want to break up with him Seungri immediately texted you if it was true. You didn’t want him to be worried so you told him it is only a joke. Seungri didn’t tell him until he saw he was literally in tears. He took a picture and sent it to you. After you saw it you called him and explained it to him it was only a joke, but he was really mad on you.

*confused af*

Originally posted by violaone

Taeyang

You already saw doing break up prank and you were really bored because he was in Japan and you were lonely on Saturday evening and he was probably partying with guys and having fun. You decided to do it and sent him typical break up line “It’s not you, it’s me” You got reply right away.He was lying on the bed thinking about how much he misses you and BAM he sees the message. He literally didn’t know what to do so he just replied with sad emoji and why. He wanted the whole explanation of why would you want to break up with him. He couldn’t believe it, because you were dating for a long time and he really thought you were the one. When you realized in how much shock he must be you called him and told him it was just a joke. He was so relieved and angry he hung up the call and didn’t talk to you whole 5 minutes.

*are you serious rn face*

Originally posted by fxxktaeyang


Daesung

You invited some friends to come over at your place because Daesung was out with T.O.P. You caught up on all the gossip and talked about your favorite youtubers  One of them dared you to do the break up prank and you did. You didn’t know if Daesung will take it serious though. When he saw you wanted to break up with him he was confused because it was only a few hours ago that you were kissing and saying goodbye before he left. He showed the message and he advised him to call you. He called you asking if you were serious and the moment you heard his cracking voice you knew you shouldn’t have done it in a first place and you told him was only a joke. When he came home he punished you with silent treatment for a whole day, making you even more sorry you listened to your friends.

*deeply thinking*

Originally posted by sofiatherese92


Seungri

You knew about the break up prank and you wanted to do it for a while now, because you wanted to know if he really knows you, because if he does he know you would never break up with him over text, that’s why you tried him out and sent him message saying you’re breaking up with him.The moment when he saw your message he couldn’t believe you thought he would fall for it, that’s why he didn’t reply and waited until he went home. He knew you would be nervous waiting for him, that’s why he acted like he was drunk and he totally understood your message. When you saw he was ‘drunk’ you explained it was only a joke and he did some more acting, but at the end both of you ended up telling the truth and you were really sorry that you wanted to try him like that.

*the game is on, brings dolphin home*

Originally posted by fantastic--babies

Imagine Joji// Meeting Joji through Ian and Max For anon <3

“Hi, I’m george, uh you can call me Joji though” he says, reaching his hand out, you shake it lightly with a smile.

“nice to meet you” you say, Ian and Max are in the kitchen when you walk in, and Joji is the first person you see, you’re a bit nervous to introduce yourself all alone.

“Oh hey you’re here, great” Max says, grabbing the movie on the counter, you’re a bit late for the movie but you know they won’t mind that much. You don’t ever seem to get through the movie without laughing too much at Max’s commentary, or throwing shit at Ian for ruining the plot with his excessive knowledge of random facts.

“Hey, yea sorry, there was a bit of traffic” you say, Max rolls his eyes.

“Yea, i think the freeway here might be just as bad as the bumper to bumper shit in new york” joji says, you nod.

“Thats right, you live in New York, Max told me. Why does New York always sound like some glamourous city?” you ask, not really asking him, just asking aloud mostly to yourself.

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anonymous asked:

Can I request to go along with the axis s/o being sick and not having along time to live. The s/o sees the nation in their room praying or crying and sees that they cause them pain. So when the nation gives them their dose of the drug( which is very hard to get and there's only a limited amount in the world)for the day they grab the whole supply and throws it into the fire so they will die sooner and put the nation out of their misery

WHY DO YOU GUYS LIKE TO CAUSE ME PAIN!?!

Italy: Would break! HE would start to cry, asking why they did that. Once he learned the reason, he would hug s/o tight saying any pain that he goes through would be worth it for s/o

Germany: First reaction would be anger. How dare they do that when he works so hard to get that drug for them. But his anger would slowly fade to grief. It’s done. He’s s/o is as good as dead.

Japan:….their dead. His s/o is now dead. There is no way to save them now, now that the drug is gone. He just collapses upon himself. He just deflated. It’s hopeless

Romano: No! That can’t happen! He would dive into the fire, burning his hands to retrieve the drug. His s/o would scream, try tp pull him back, but he would get the drug. He doesn’t care about himself. He would willingly die for his s/o. He hands have paid the price, but his s/o gets to live another day.

Prussia: What? Why? But, but,…They had so many things left to do together! They can’t die yet! He’s not ready! He would never be ready…but now he has too…

Austria: He would reach for his s/o and hold them. Burning the feeling of them next to him into his memory. The music is going to die.

anonymous asked:

How would the 1p axis and allies react to their s/o running away from them?

Allies:

America- “Why?! Why would you want to run away? I’m I not good enough?! I’ve done everything a hero should! I kept you safe and sound from bad guys! Wait… there’s somebody else isn’t there!? Well not when I get my hands on them!

(He’d be in rage mode, ready to get rid of anybody in his way!!)

Originally posted by inuyashagirl521

England- “Oh dear… You thought I would be that easy didn’t you. Well…. Think again! (He would act very calm, but in the way he spoke, you knew he had something in store for you!)

Originally posted by jade-bunny

France- “You don’t really love me? After all the love I gave you? You lied to me! My love isn’t enough for you is it!!” (He’d cry, thinking you loved him, but apparently not.)

Originally posted by youhide-ikill

China- “You were just getting some fresh air! You would never run away from me! You love me! I’m I right (Y/N)? (He’d be in denial that you would ever try to run from him.)

Originally posted by ezzie-shi

Russia- “Sunflower, why would you run away?! Everything I’ve done, If done for you! Don’t you love me for that!! Why would you run away?!” (He’d be very confused, then the confusion would turn into anger!)

Originally posted by youhide-ikill

Canada- (Lowkey, he would snap and kill everyone)

Originally posted by andres-sama

Axis:

Italy- “What Bella? W-why would you do something like that?! Do you not love me?! Please don’t leave me!!” (He like France, would cry and beg you to stay with him.)

Originally posted by professor-ravioli

Germany: “I’m very disappointed in you (Y/N). I expected better than that from you. I done want to do this, but I’m going to have to punish you. (He’d take it very calmly, but would still be very upset.)

Originally posted by yourreactiongifs

Japan: “That wasn’t very nice (Y/N). After everything I’ve done for you, you betray me? You know you are going to have to be punished for this? (He would act calm, but look like he was going to kill someone!)

Originally posted by gameraboy

Romano: He would act like everything was fine, but on the inside he wants to die. He would punish you of course, but would feel like he was dying!

Originally posted by glaze-not-blaze

Prussia: “Why would you want to leave me? I’m awesome and your awesome, but that wasn’t an awesome thing to do (Y/N)! (He would probably freak out!)

Originally posted by heckyeahreactiongifs

anonymous asked:

How would the 2Ps react to finding out that they're leaning on an wall that has wet paint on it?

((oh my god xD this ask))

you: *is chatting with a 2P, you suddenly notice the ‘wet paint’ sign above the wall he’s leaning against and you point it out*

2p!america: what? no. nonono i’m too cool for this– *jumps away from wall, notices that the back of his jacket is covered with paint* uH *glares at you* iF YOU LAUGH I’M GONNA KILL YOU

2p!china: oh would you look at that. *moves away from wall, glances at the paint on his shirt* hmm… today’s your lucky day, kitten~ *winks at you and then proceeds to skillfully strip on the spot*

2p!england: *sCREAMS* OH NO OH NO WHAT DO I DO *grabs you, he’s close to tears* h-help me poppet! Q ^ Q look, i ruined the paint’s top coat… i’m a horrible person… *sniffs* a careless and horrible and very rude person…!

2p!france: *is trying so hard not to look embarrassed* ………….i know,

2p!russia: ah… well this is quite mortifying. it-it was oblivious of me not to notice the sign myself… *sighs heavily and takes off his paint-covered coat*

2p!italy: *blushes hard* i-i did it on purpose…! *face twists in fake fury* they didn’t go with the color i chose so i decided to ruin their stupid final coat… tchhh……,,,,,, *rolls eyes and is clearly lying to hide his embarrassment*

2p!germany: *after a few seconds of silence, he starts laughing like crazy* ahahahaha why does stuff like this always happen to me–

2p!japan: *emotionless voice* …i was wondering why the wall felt slippery.

2p!canada: oh. *takes down sign* hey allen, come here. *once he comes* lean on that wall. *he listens* good, now we match. *points to the paint on his back* ……. we had to share the embarrassment bro

2p!romano: *giggles* that’s a nice joke darling, you do know that is one of my worst fears, yes?~ *laughter turns nervous* er… you weren’t joking were you… *looks down at his soiled designer jacket* aaAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH *takes it off and starts sobbing* dO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT’LL BE TO GET THESE STAINS OUT

2p!austria: *slowly peers at his paint-covered back* ….how inconvenient. however, the color goes nicely with my red attire and i can’t help but admire the paint splatter pattern~ it’s nearly as pretty and unique as i, yes? *grins modestly*

2p!prussia: oh… *tears appear in the corners of his eyes* th-this is so embarrassing… i… *fidgets nervously* i don’t know what to do– *starts to cry more and runs away* i-i’m sorry but i have to go…! ;; - ;;

36 Questions Women Have For Men

1) How does it feel to be the same sex as Donald Trump?
> How does it feel to be the same sex as the majority of people who murder their children?
> How does it feel to be the same sex as Sarah Pailin, Hillary Clinton, Gloria Stienem, MisandryMirmaid, GeeksndMisandry, Lucie Slater, Valerie Solanas, Catherine Comins, Margaret Sanger, Robin Morgan, Andrea Dworkin, Susan Brownmiller, Sharon Stone, Catherine MacKinnon, Sally Miller Gearhart, Marilyn French, Germaine Greer, Hodee Edwards, Kathleen C. Faller, Barbara Jordan, Pat Poole, Naomi Wolf, Gerda Lerner, Roxanne Dunbar, Lenah Dunham,
Sarah Nyberg, Briana Wu, Anita Sarkesian, Zoe Quinn, Katha Pollitt, Judith Levine, Jilly Cooper, Sylvia Fraser, Donna Laframboise, Ti-Grace Atkinson, Joyce Trebilcot, Daphne Patai, home-of-amazons, realmisandryinhaiku, justicebadass, stfueverything, stfumras, japhettheprophet, milkyderp, wehavetogobacktauriel, veryradicalfeminist, Tracie Egan Morrissey, Laci Green, valleyofmeth, theroguefeminist, theplaceinsidetheblizzard, destructivefeminist, princesswolfgang, woahtheretyke, gayindustrialcomplex, lindorinand, dorkington, roycevomit, atomic-glitter, realmofvikings, ornerychelicerata, and xxhannah-i-saw-a-unicornxx?
2a) Why do you hate rom-coms?
> I don’t. Some of my favorite movies are rom-coms. But for men, and women, who hate rom-coms, there is this thing called preference. It has nothing to do with gender. For example, say someone doesn’t like vanilla ice cream. They are a heathen, of course, but they are allowed that preference. Say that person is a woman. Now say that women on average don’t like vanilla ice cream. Is it okay to assume they are all vanilla hating heathens? No. And neither is it okay to assume that there is something wrong with a person for not liking something because of their gender. Even if it is a delicious, creamy treat delivered by the great Yog-Sothoth Himself.
2b) Or do you just feel like you need to hate them?
> See above.
2c) Everybody likes the notebook. Everybody likes Beyoncé. It’s just a fact.
> This isn’t a question. I’ve never seen the notebook. I despise Beyoncé’s music, and she’s kind of a hypocrite. But, again, preferences. People are allowed to have them, and this cultish ‘like what I like, or you’re a bad person’ schtick you’re trying to pull is scary, simply because people who’ve done things with a similar mentality have ended up killing hundreds to thousands of people. Opinions are not facts. Shut up.
3) Why do you make women sit around and talk about men in movies, when y'all easily just sit around and talk about boobs for hours.
>One: No one does that. The only time I’ve seen girls talk about guys in movies is when they’re talking about whose butt is cute, who would be a good kisser, or the weird grunting noises they make when Thor and Loki come onto a screen. Two, men JOKE about tiddies, and it usually only lasts a few seconds. The only time bewbs are the focus 'for hours’ is if a guy is alone and jerkin it. Or when they are talking to a loved one about Breast Cancer.
4) Why do you automatically assume that you won’t like TV or movies that star a female lead?
>BitchWhere.jpeg
> Here’s a list of my favorite TV shows and movies: Teen Titans, Avatar The Last Airbender, Attack On Titan, Harry Potter, Kim Possible, Adventure Time, Power Puff Girls, Ben 10, Gravity Falls, Fairly Odd Parents, Pokemon, most Batman movies and TV shows, Alice In Wonderland, iCarly, Pretty Little Liars, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, NCIS, Once Upon A Time, Criminal Minds, Castle, Bones, Teen Wolf, Pirates of the Caribbean, Tangled, Silent Hill, Big Hero 6, Coralline, Rugrats and All Grown Up, Yu-Gi-Oh!, V For Vendetta, Frozen. Basically, try again.
5a) Why are you surprised when women are funny?
> I’m not. I notice it, acknowledge it, and move on. However, women who use comedy as a front to push an ideology aren’t funny. Neither are men who do that.
5b) I’m probably funnier than you.
No. No, you’re not. Your condescending, holier than thou attitude ensures that you couldn’t be funny if the funnyman had knocked up the funnywoman and made you as their lovechild.
6a) Why do you think we’re obsessed with you when we hook up?
> One; I don’t. Two; I never implied that I did. Three; Methinks the lady doth protest too much. Four; keep projecting there, sweetie.
6b) 9 times out of 10, I just want you to leave too. I’m busy, I got shit to do.
> Well, I don’t partake in this hookup culture bullshit, so we aren’t likely to meet, thankfully. I actually want something real.
7a) Why can’t I sleep with as many people as I want to without being judged?
> Everyone gets judged for everything they do. Deal with it! Also, as long as you’re safe, and aren’t intentionally spreading diseases, fuck around all you want. Just don’t expect a meaningful relationship to come of that behavior.
7b) When men do it, they’re congratulated.
> In movies! In real life most men hate men like that.
8) Why do you consider a woman a tease if she doesn’t sleep with you after three dates, but a slut if she sleeps with you on the first date?
> The tease thing is a myth pushed by the television industry. Most people don’t believe that. The only people I’ve seen call a woman a slut for fucking on the first date are OTHER WOMEN.
9) In what world does no mean yes? No means no.
> This one, on opposite day. /jokes But in all seriousness, probably Japan or the Middle East. Feminists should really look into that.
10) Why do you say that women are too emotional to be leaders, then justify catcalling by saying that men just can’t control themselves?
> Two more myths perpetuated by television! Yay! The only people who say men can’t control themselves are rapists trying (unsuccessfully) to get out of a rape charge. And the Middle East. Also, some women enjoy catcalling. You can’t enforce a rule on that based on some people not liking it.
11) Why do you think that just because you’re nice to me, I owe you my body?
> Rapists think this. If someone thinks like this, you should get them professional help, or call the cops. Also, have you seen how tumblr lesbians interact with straight women? Talk about niceguy syndrome.
12) Why would you ever send an unsolicited dick pic?
> April Fools Day? /more jokes. But in all honesty, I wouldn’t, because I’m insecure about my dick size, and don’t want to be made fun of.
13a) Why do you feel like it’s okay to harass women,
> I don’t.
13b) or make offensive comments about women,
> Offensive humor is one of the best kind, right up there with dark humor. Plus, it gets a rise out of oversensitive asshats like you, and that’s amusing.
13c) but when somebody does it to your sister, it’s not okay?
> Because fuck with my family, and I’ll fuck you up so bad that you’ll think that Sharia Law is a utopia, that’s why.
14)How does it feel to interrupt-
> Pretty fuckin good, actually. /even more jokes
14) How does it feel to interrupt me when I’m in the middle of making a point during a meeting?
> Assholes do this. Not men. Conversely, if the point you are making is controversial, expect negativity, and be prepared to have the louder, but calmer, voice.
15a) Why do you have to sit with your legs so wide open?
> Balls. Also, normally, they’re about shoulders width apart. If they are any wider, they are usually a sign of low self-esteem and a desire not to be bothered. Also, quit taking pictures of us on the subway without our consent. Not only is that creepy, it’s illegal.
15bb) I get that you have balls
> Obviously not, or you’d know why I have to sit with my legs apart.
15c) but I don’t stand around with my arms wide open to make room for my boobs.
> Are your boobs underneath your armpits? No? Then shut the fuck up, you have no idea what you are talking about.
16) Why are women perceived as the weaker sex even though we literally birth you?
> Sexual Dimorphism. Women, on average, are weaker than men, on average. Are there women who are stronger than men? Abso-fuckin-lutely. Rhonda Rousy could kick my ass six ways from Sunday. Also, birthing has nothing to do with strength. That’s pain tolerance.
17) Why is it so bad to show your emotions? It means you’re human.
> I don’t know. #MaleTears, #MasculinitySoFragile, #KillAllMen, maybe things like that?
18) Why are you always trying to prove your masculinity to me?
> I’m not. I mostly do it for myself, or other guys. Kind of like you and makeup.
19a) Why the f**k isn’t it ladylike to cuss?
> She says as she’s censored. It’s foul language, and it’s impolite for anyone to fucking use you fucking shit.
19b) When did words get genders?
> Ask the Spanish, chica.
20) Why is it your first instinct to doubt women who have been sexually violated or raped?
> What a loaded fuckin question! If they were actually violated or raped, I don’t doubt them, but until it can be proven, there is this thing that our democratic society is built upon called DUE PROCCESS. INNOCENCE UNTIL PROOVEN GUILT. Look it up sometime.
21) Why do you assume a woman is angry because she’s on her period?
> They usually are more irritable on their periods? Also, quit using the 'I’m on my period’ excuse, and we will quit assuming that is the problem when you are upset.
22a) Why do you think women that wear makeup are false advertising?
> I don’t. I rarely see guys do this. Most of the time, it’s other women.
22b) We could say the same thing about your dick size.
> It’s shit like this that makes me insecure. Also, did you compare makeup, something you have complete control over, to a dick, something men are born with and can’t change? Fuck, that’s sexist.
23a) Why isn’t it weird that there’s a bunch of old white men sitting in a room making legislation about what I can and can’t do with my body?
> Well, they were elected by you and people like you. Women outnumber men in America, and more women vote than men, and the people elected represent what those who elected them want, so if you want laws passed that benefit you, do your job and vote. Also, if you hate old white men so much, why are so many women voting for Bernie Sanders?
23b) do you have a coochie?
> Do you have a schlong? No? Then shut up about circumcision.
24) Why are straight guys so obsessed with lesbians?
> Why are straight, and even lesbian, girls on tumblr such yaoi fetishists? Also, straight guys find girls hot. So something with two girls is twice as hot. Also, straight guys generally don’t like looking at penises. Because they’re straight.
25) How does it feel to get kicked in the balls?
> Have you been stabbed? It’s worse, but the pain doesn’t last as long. Stab pain lasts longer; ball kick pain = hurts more.
26) Do you ever get tired of trying to be manly all the time?
> Some men do. I like being physically useful, and playing violent video games, and things like that though.
27) Why are you so afraid of gender equality?
> Considering it already exists for women in America, and I live here, I’m not. If I were, I’d go live in the Middle East.
28) Why do I deserve to be paid less than you?
> Maybe you work fewer hours, take more brakes, take more sick days, or don’t work in the same position I do. Other than those factors, if you still get paid less than me, I will help you when you go report the business to the police, because there are laws against paying someone who does the exact same job in the exact same company for the exact same hours less because of their gender.
30)  In what world does $0.77 equal $1.00?
> See above.
31) In what world does $0.68 equal $1.00?
> Still see above.
32) In what world is that fair?
> Even still see above.
33a) Why are you intimidated by a woman that makes more money than you?
> I’m not. Next question.
33b) That’s awesome! More money!
> More problems
34a) Why are opinionated women seen as bitches
> Opinionated people suck. I didn’t ask for your opinion, so don’t give it to me.
34b) when opinionated men are seen as bosses?
> They aren’t. They’re just as annoying as the women. They are dicks, knowitalls, assholes, asshats, etcetera.
35) Why aren’t you speaking up when you hear your male friends behind closed doors that are offensive to women?
> I thought you were funnier than me. Listen, honey, how does this sound to you?
 Person A: Makes offensive joke behind closed doors
 Persons B, C, and D: Laughing
 Me: Hey, could you maybe not say those things? The women who can’t even hear you right now because we are in private behind closed doors could get offended.
 Persons A, B, C, and D: Staring at me
 Me: Really, guys, I know they can’t hear you, but they could still somehow get offended because of their delicate feelings. Don’t you know that women are sensitive creatures who need to be protected and coddled at every cost, so that mean words don’t strike them down?
 Person A: That sounds kind of sexist, dude.
36a) Why are you so afraid of recognizing your own privilege?
> I don’t have any. I live in an apartment complex, live below the poverty line, barely passed high school, and suffer from depression, anxiety, and Asperger’s. But yeah, you with your designer clothes, $200 haircut, and feature spot on BuzzFeed, tell me all about that privilege I have.
36b) It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person
> Tell that to tumblr.
36c) Just recognise it and do something about it.
> Says the woman living in a first world country.

marchetta meme: endless list of characters » joe mackee

“It’s all a bit of a gamble, mate. That’s all I can promise you. And we never get to see what that other life would have looked like if we don’t take chances. You know what I did on the day before I started at this job? A practice run on the Tube from Convent Garden to Arsenal. I was miserable Joe sitting on the Tube, homesick for you all, honestly thinking of packing my shit up and flying back to Georgie’s place and meditating in her attic for the rest of my life. I’d been here for almost six months and nothing had happened. And I was praying, Tom. I was praying for a sign. I was so close to being a no-show the next day. But thank God I went through with it because every day, now, I sit on the Tube and think I almost missed out. Just say I didn’t know I was twelve minutes away from the rest of my life. Twelve minutes away from meeting a bunch of the most decent kids I’ll ever teach. Twelve minutes away from meeting my girl.”

fandoms-stoll-my-life  asked:

Can you do the 1p and 2p's reaction to their grumpy little sister threatening to "bite their hands off and feed them to their children" because they were annoying her in some way or another?

America: HAHAHA nice try kid. You can’t hurt me, cause I the Hero!

England: calm demon child

France: I would rather you not

Russia: Hahaha funny joke! It was just a joke, da?

China: Youngsters these days!

Canada: Please don’t?

Italy: Eh! Why would you want to do that?

Germany: No, just no

Japan: Can you maybe chill?

Romano: go away Satan.

Prussia: I’m too awesome for you to do that too!

Austria: You will do no such thing.

2p America: Yeah, no, not cool

2p England: Heeheehee silly Poppet!

2p France: Do it, put me out of my misery

2p Russia: Violence will only lead to more violence

2p China: Why? Do I taste go or something?

2p Canada: I’ll feed you to Kuma if you do that.

2p Italy: Ha ha ha, no. Now go away, I’m busy.

2p Germany: But then I can’t play video games anymore!

2p Japan: How about maybe you chill

2p Romano: But I just did my nails!

2p Prussia:….no thank you, I like my hands where they are, attached to me

2p Austria: I have a feeling I’ll see you in h*ll later.

British Problems (Luke, KBTBB)
  • MC: "Brush your teeth."
  • Luke: "What? No. Why would I do that?"
  • MC: "Because that's what people do here in Japan; they brush their teeth."
  • Luke: "That's absurd. Teeth don't need to be brushed."
  • MC: "Yes they do. You're a doctor; you should know this."
  • Luke: "Exactly. I'M the doctor, so run along while I decide what's best for my health."
  • MC: "Luke. Honestly. You don't eat properly. You don't sleep properly. This isn't even a fair argument, now brush your teeth."
  • Luke: "No."
  • MC: "Why not!?"
  • Luke: "It makes me feel too American."
  • MC: "BUT THIS IS JAPAN!"

anonymous asked:

2Ps reaction to romantic fanfiction about them and their 1P? (also, I love 2P Canada, and I feel like Im the only one (╥﹏╥))

((hold up– are you freaking kidding me? practically everyone likes 2P!Canada ?! give some love to someone like 2P!China lmao))

2Ps: *are shown fanfiction about them and their counterparts*

2P!America: What in the hell is th– oh. oHHHH. OH, OH. HOLY SHIT. *grabs laptop screen* ME AN’ PORKCHOP? FUCKING?! *throws head back* thANK THE LORD JFC *drools*

2P!China: *reads the first line, grins* ‘Zao’. That is me! *reads a few paragraphs further* And… Yao…? We’re… *suspiciously reads further* oh my god oh my god oh my god what. WHAT. *blushes, speed-reads to the end* I nEED MORE OF THIS

2P!England: What’s this? A story for me you say? *grins* thank you, I’ll read it right now~ *a few paragraphs in, looks away from screen, laughs nervously* h-h-how did you know I’m a maniac, dear? Th-That is not true… *continues reading* how did you know I love Arthur… *clenches teeth furiously* THAT’S NOT TRUE… *dark aura surrounding him*

2P!France: *grimaces* uh… you have some strange fetishes…

2P!Russia: *pushes laptop as far away from him as it’ll go* this… would never happen… *backs away from you slowly*

2P!Italy: *flips table* BASTARD *laptop goes flying* WHO WROTE THAT?! *kicks chair* I NEED TO GO WASH MY FUCKING BRAIN OUT

2P!Germany: *chuckles* I am so in-character, nice

2P!Japan: *smirks* You made me… the seme… Hmph, I guess you do know a little something.

2P!Canada: *blushes furiously, clenches teeth* what is this… *glares at nothing in particular* and why haven’t I heard of this before…

2P!Romano: *holds up finger, a satisfied grin on his face* okay one, nice transitions between sentences. The pacing was flawless. You captured Lovi’s stubborn personality quite well~ *lowers finger, pouts* my only complaint is why wasn’t I the main character… T ^ T

2P!Austria: Tchhh… You dare ship me with that uptight little princess? I am way out of his league, if I do say so myself~ *flips hair* My only loves are the darkness and AC/DC, ohohoho~

2P!Prussia: Wait, that’s me? I’m in the story? W-What…? *double checks* yeah, that’s my name… And… *eyes widen* and Gilbert?! I?? What?!??!!! *face turns ten shades of red* Why are we… Why is he… I don’t get it?! Who did this and why and th-this wouldn’t happen?! *hides face, flustered a'f*