why is everything i make a joke

Wonder how snk is gonna blend with these new and spicy memes.

Y'all weren’t gonna continue with half Marco jokes, I’m hoping.

Come on, be creative. use the frog on the unicycle. what are those. why the fuck you lying. the Arthur fist. anything. everything.

let’s leave dead Marco in 2013 where he belongs.

make a half joke and I’m blocking you but not before I report you for abuse.

I just found out that Carrie Fisher has died, and I am absolutely devastated.

I actually got to meet and work with Carrie (and Gary) a few years ago while volunteering at a comic con, and it’s a day I’ll hold on to for the rest of my life. Carrie was, really and truly, everything you think she’d be, and more. I helped with her photo-op, making sure the fans were respectful & orderly, and Carrie was just a riot. She was witty and sarcastic, telling jokes and laughing, greeting everyone with such kindness (especially us workers). She really didn’t have to; after all, it’d been almost a 10 hour day & she was a HUGE celebrity. But she took the time to greet every person, and acknowledge every worker, which not everyone does. I remember her patiently explaining to young children why they couldn’t pet Gary, and telling dirty jokes to a fan in a slave Leia costume; I remember that mischievous twinkle in her eye, and how much she adored Gary. Carrie even stayed after the venue hall closed FOR TWO HOURS to make sure that every single person in line got their photo/autograph. After a grueling day, she still wasn’t grumpy, all smiles and witty banter, because she didn’t want anyone to feel like she treated them badly. 

And of course, she was feisty; she did what she wanted, and definitely didn’t take any shit. She took a break right in the middle of the photo-ops b/c she wanted to, refused security on her smoke breaks, and kept trying to distract the camera man and workers by telling us jokes; and the only thing she would drink was Diet Coke out of a wineglass. (#iconic)

The picture of her I’ll always remember is her, walking from the photo-ops to the autograph table, holding a wineglass full of Diet Coke and Gary trotting along at her heels. She exuding such power, and grace, after such a long day, that I was blown away. It was such an iconic, incredible image; Carrie honestly looked like she ruled the universe.

So RIP to an extraordinary woman. The world gave her hell and she gave it hell right back. She was kind, funny, witty, mischievous, and utterly one-of-a-kind, and I loved her for it; she was living proof that things get better, and keep moving, even when you hit rock bottom. 

Goodbye, Carrie Fisher. 💔😢

Bucky makes jokes all the time and they leave Steve somewhere between exasperation and endearment like they’re visiting a hospital and a kid asks him what happened to his arm? he says “Steve and I went to buy a coffee machine and he said everything now costs an arm and a leg, but I’ve always loved a bargain and got us it at half price” and Steve just stares at him like “…who are you why do I like you so much”

anyone else kinda terrified you’ll never be able to hold a job in the future because of your mental illness

Sherlock theory

The more I watch Sherlock, and the more I think about the characters and their interactions, the more I become CONVINCED that Sherlock and Molly slept together. Specifically between 3x02 and 3x03. 

I’m not saying that as a fanboy or a shipper or whatever. I legitimately think they’re interactions are written to give that impression. 

Why Molly and Tom suddenly split, why Molly and Sherlock’s attitudes towards each other change after 3x02, the comment about Sherlock liking her bed, why Molly suddenly features prominently in Sherlock’s mind palace, his sudden guilt over his treatment of her, the slap, the seemingly random sexual joke he makes towards her, and of course the I love you scene.

Seriously, re-watch 3x03 - 4x03 with this idea in mind. Everything just clicks.     

Texting with the Venus Signs

*look at your Sun & Venus sign tbh*

Aries: Texts & snapchats you literally all day about everything. Everything. Did their left shoe get dirty at 10:23pm? Yeah…you’ll know.

Taurus: Sends you a lot of selfies, oh & pictures of food. Basically everything they love and are ready to share with you. The food pictures may come after some weeks. Too precious.

Gemini: Tell them you like bananas & they’ll write a 400 word essay on why you should keep eating bananas and then make a sexual joke & put a ;) smiley at the end.

Cancer: Will send you lots of pictures of cats and then suddenly treat you like you did something terrible. They will at some point start complaining about…a lot of things. PROVE THAT YOU LOVE THEM GODDAMMIT.

Leo: *Sooo….am I not the hottest person on earth?* (Hint: You have to agree & say yes, if you don’t want them to block you.)

Virgo: Decent texters, actually. The topics they want to talk about may be a bit boring, but if you’re interested in having intellectual conversations, you should look for a bae with a Virgo Venus. ;)

Libra: They know what you like and they know how to twist you around their fingers. Don’t ask what satanic rituals & sacrifices they have to make to be so charming and awesome at texting.

Scorpio: *Stares at you through the phone*

Sagittarius: *Yeah, dude,..life’s great,..oh and look at this meme!*

Capricorn: Steamy discussions about politics, money & school at 6pm..hell yeah! Be careful what you do on social media though, they’re watching you..

Aquarius: Ready to talk about society and share your values and opinions on every topic possible without even flirting in the slightest bit?  Bingo!

Pisces: Be ready to be bombarded with weird ass pictures & their theories and opinions on Illuminati. Oh, & have fun explaining to your friends why you have more than +15 pictures of Atlantis on your phone. They’re really cute texters though.

Draco The Pun Master

-So obviously Draco would be the pun master of the relationship and Harry would be the king of horrible knock-knock jokes and/or pickup lines 

-Except hardly any of Draco’s puns make any sense whatsoever??? Or they’re just insanely, ridiculously lame

-And Harry gets so fed up with all the puns but he secretly adores them and thinks they’re the cutest, dorkiest thing about Draco (even though he thinks everything Draco does is cute and dorky).

-”Potter? More like HOT-ter haha get it Harry? Bc you’re my boyfriend and you’re super fucking hot”

-”Draco are you a software update because not now”

-”What the fuck is software. Why are we updating it”

-”No, Draco- it’s a joke-”

-”Harry Potter? More like Harry NOT-ter because none of your jokes make any fucking sense”

-”Draco I swear to god”

Okay so question.

Why is it not okay to bash LGBT jokes like “the moon is lesbian” or ‘everything I touch becomes more gay’ but bashing ace jokes is okay?

I dont bash either but I keep seeing exclusionists making fun of ace jokes and like…… Y'all have fits over everything ace people do. Just shut up already Jesus Christ let them eat cake for gods sake.

Lesson Learned

Jungkook x Reader

Smut/Tiny bit of Angst

Word Count: 4,770

Re: Bts jungkook smut when’s sexually frustrated for some reason and he goes hard on you like HARD ON YOU. Making you squirt over and over again giving you overstimulation. He makes you beg for him and everything.-Anon


Two weeks ago 

It is utter hell to be a girl. Why do we have to have a damn week of bleeding, cramps,  aching, acne, bloating, and cravings? I swear I’m prepared to kill anyone who tries to joke around with me during this horrendous day of the horrific murder scene in my pants.
The third day was always the worst. It was the heaviest day and my cravings would go through the roof. I was sprawled out on the beige couch in the living room of the apartment I shared with my boyfriend. I made him run to the corner store to get more chips since I’ve been wanting something salty since two in the morning and it was now four in the afternoon. The heating pad that was perched on top of my bloated tummy was the most blissful feeling in the world along with the snuggly blanket that was keeping me warm in our freezing apartment. The heat broke and our entire building has no heat. Just my luck.
My hair was pulled back into the most tangled bun of it’s existence,  my period pjs, as I called them, were all twisted from constantly moving around in a attempt to find a comfortable  position to lay in. No make up could hide the bags under my eyes or the huge pimples that had magically appear on my face over night. In my groggy state, I managed to sit up groaning out in aching pain before throwing the fluffy cotton blue blanket and the heating pad off my stomach and body and onto the grey patterned carpet that was in the middle of the living room floor, under the black coffee table
Instead of standing up, I flopped my body onto the floor and laid on the carpet face down, with another pain filled groan. Why was the fridge so far away? I took a deep breath and managed to pull myself together, standing up in a wobbly state before I reached down and grabbed onto the blanket that rested next to me on the floor.
Completely cocooning myself in the blanket, I waddled my way over to the fridge, opening the freezer to grab the carton of cookie dough ice cream to snack on in order to pass the time before my boyfriend returned. Placing the carton on the counter after I kicked the freezer door closed,  I opened the drawer of the island that was directly in front of me and grabbed the biggest spoon I could find, which just so happened to be the side of my phone. I opened up the carton, ready to indulge myself in the wondrous creaminess of my ultimate favorite ice cream, only to find barely a normal spoonful left. My mouth gaped open as I stared into the empty carton, tears stinging at the corner of my eyes.
“H-how could this… it was half full yesterday…” I sobbed in the most unattractive way, and yes it was because of ice cream but all of my damn emotions were going haywire. I couldn’t help but cry over my ice cream being gone. I took a few steps back until my back hit the fridge,  and in the most dramatic way, I slid down the length of the fridge until my butt met the floor,  crying while still holding the spoon in my hand and cocooned in my blanket.
The front door of the apartment opened up, and I heard the familiar sounds of heavy footsteps fill the hallway, the noise gradually grew closer before I lifted my head to spot the back of my boyfriends head. He had walked into the living room, peeking over the back of the couch of where I was previously laying before standing up straight and scratching the back of his head in question of where I went off to. 

Keep reading

honestly? people need to stop portraying bambam as a person full of kinks who knows and makes everything about sex just because he throws jokes like “how do you know i am not big” sometimes. he truly didn’t know what the term “daddy” could mean and now he’s probably feeling really bad because people literally did something as awful as sexualize his tweets about papa tuan, when he’s clearly a father figure to him, thinking that he would laugh about it instead of being upset bc “hey!!! thats bambam!!! he makes sex jokes all the time so i can @ him and say all the gross i want cause he wont care!!”

god dammit

MEET HANDSOME UNDERFELL PAPYRUS!!!
dont make this a thing   please make this a thing

XD SO! this came up when i was rp-ing with my buddy @arangothalicious !!!
i am NOT going into that, but i made a joke and just started spamming handsome squidward at everything Papyrus did XD
oh gosh
what have i done


Daryl x Reader - You’re not alone (30 days series) [SMUT]

MASTERLIST

30 DAYS DRABBLE CHALLENGE

–> DAY 1

–> DAY 2

–> DAY 3

–> DAY 4

DAY 5: Doing something funny

–> DAY 6

So, I want to do this challenge with the pairing “DarylxReader”.

I’ll try to upload a story everyday, I hope you like it!

–> Requests are open by the way

Fandom: The Walking Dead

Pairing: Daryl x Reader

Warning: SMUT, SMUT, SMUT (Shower smut because it’s probably the only way to persuade him to take a shower)

ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE SO, SORRY FOR EVENTUAL GRAMMATICAL ERRORS.

(it’s my first smutty fanfiction so please don’t kill me if it sucks)

The atmosphere in Alexandria was oppressive.

All this situation with the Saviours was making everyone nervous and annoyed by everything.

Even Glenn, the most cheerful among us, became serious, no more jokes or nerdy conversations.

All of this made me uncomfortable, I mean, I know it’s a serious situation, but I really want to forget everything for a little.

That’s why I started to sneak out Alexandria, I wanted to free myself from all the negative thoughts and enjoy the silence.

Almost every day I head to a little lake, not too far away from home, I cleared it from walkers the first time I came across it.

It’s really beautiful and calming, and, after I make sure that there isn’t any walker around, I just sit there enjoying the silence.

I thought that my absence went unnoticed but I was wrong.

Even if Daryl busy himself working on his bike or hunting, he started to notice my disappearance, and since he’s really protective, he’ll make sure I’m okay.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

 I was spending another day at the lake, sunlight caressed my skin.

Everything was perfect until I hear footstep on the mud that surround the lake.

Turning around with my knife, ready to kill a walker, my (Y/e/c) eyes meet blue ones.

Daryl was stalking towards me, he seems really angry: “What the hell are you doin’ here? Are you fuckin’ crazy?”
Irritated by his behaviour I answer angry: “I wanted to be alone, I can handle myself pretty well around here”.

Daryl stays two steps away from me, stare straight into my eyes: “What if you are too distracted  and a walker bites you huh? What if saviours found you in this place? Now c’mon let’s go back to Alexandria”.

He step close to me, while I step back: “No! I don’t want to! I don’t want to stay close in a place where everyone are annoyed by anything!”.

Daryl continue walk towards me, he really want to grab me and take me away so I did something stupid.

I take some mud and throw at him, hitting him on his right cheek.

“Oh no, you didn’t”

I grin at him “go away or else…” I show him my fist full of mud.

However Daryl keep walking towards me and I keep throwing mud, until he tackle me down:
“Payback time” he said while he put mud all over my face and body.

Laughing I do the same with him.

When finally we stop laughing, the only sound that could be heard was our heavy breathing.

We look at each other, smiling, he on top of me his face dirty with mud, mine as well: “(Y/n), why you keep sneaking out?”
“It’s just… I know that it’s wartime but…we went already through a lot…The Governor, Claimers, Terminus, Wolves and now this! I thought that we were finally safe, that we can have a normal life…well as normal as possible can be during a zombie apocalypse.” I didn’t notice I was cry until Daryl starts to touch my cheeks.

“So you wanted an escape right?” he said getting up and pulling me with him.

“You know (Y/n),I feel the same, that’s why I keep busying myself with my bike or hunt… keep in mind that you’re not alone”.

I can’t help but smile at him, he’s right, I’m not the only one feeling that way.

When I notice him getting close to my lips, I turn my face away “eew don’t you dare, you’re covered in mud”.
He laughed “so are you!… shower?”
“Daryl Dixon wants to take a shower? Oh my God are you okay?” I said, making fun of his “relationship” with the shower.

“ah ah very funny”.……………………………………………………………………………………………

The feeling of hot water on my skin it’s so good!

While Daryl was taking his time to take off is clothes, I undress myself quickly because I couldn’t stand the feeling of mud on my body.

While I was under the stream of water I feel Daryl entering the shower and starting to massage my scalp with his big hands.

I let out a whimper and lay my head on his shoulder: “Keep up with that and I’ll fall asleep”.

Spinning me around we start to wash each other.

I wash him on his chest and on his arms while he start to roams his hands along my hips, up and down.

This closeness and the feeling of his big hands on me turns me on so I start to lay kisses on his jawline until I reach his neck where I start to mark him.

Groaning he slam me against the shower wall: “I need you”.

Feeling his erection on my hips I can’t help but giggle: “Oh I can tell”

Grinning he just say: “smartass” and then start devouring my lips.

Feeling his tongue parting my lips, we start battling for dominance but it was obvious that he’s going to win.

After a while, I take his bottom lip between my lips and I start to sucking and bit it.

This apparently turns him on, with one hand he start to play with my left breast, with the other he plays with my clit.

“Daryl…please” I moan while he detach from my lips to bite my neck:

“Please what?”

I try to answer but all that came out from my mouth is a scream  when Daryl entered me with two of his fingers: “Please what (Y/n)? Answer me?”

“Daryl fuck me, please I can’t wait anymore”

Without a word he took my legs and wrapped them around his hips while I put my arms around his neck.

With one swift trust he entered me and keep a rapid movement.

It doesn’t take long to approach my orgasm: “Daryl, I’m going to…”
Moaning and grunting in my neck he said something that was like “me too” but I wasn’t sure, all I could think about was Daryl’s hard thrust and his hot breath on my neck.

I couldn’t take it anymore and I came, my moans muffled by his shoulder.

After two more thrust he came too, saying my name continuously.

I lift my head to give him a peck on his lips: “so much for a shower”

Grinning he put me down but my legs where so weak that I almost fell: “whoa sunshine, stay with me”, he said, hugging me and kissing the top of my head.

We finish to shower and then we lay in our bed cuddling; we didn’t bothering to get dressed.

Daryl interrupted the silence that reigned in our bedroom: “Not that I didn’t enjoy to get dirty at the lake and in the shower” we both laughing at that, then he continues:” But seriously, the next time you feel discomfort just talk to me, remember that I’m here for you (Y/n).”
I kiss his chest than I look up to him: “I know, I’m really sorry Daryl, I’ll talk to you more about that”.

Now I know, I know that I’m not alone.

Kindergarten Teacher!Seventeen

Originally posted by giantgyu

Request: seventeen as kindergarten teacher?

Apologies for taking so long! My exams wrapped up today so I’m finally free :^) Enjoy this cute memey bullet pointed request! -Admin Madi


Seungcheol:

  • Would feel as though he is the real father of all the children AKA loves them all dearly and would literally do anything for them
  • Teaches the kids important life lessons & to be very respectful so they grow up nicely! But also teaches them to have fun & enjoy everything they do!!
  • Tells them really bad dad jokes that make them really giggly and hyper but also makes them question their own dads bc “why can’t you be as funny as Mr.Choi?”
  • Is really keen on making sure they all eat enough and are dressed warm in winter bc his children must not get sick!!
  • The type of teacher to pat their heads as they leave the classroom and tell everyone about all the cute moments that happened that day

Jeonghan:

  • Tries really hard to be liked by all the kids and whines to his friends when they don’t show him enough affection
  • Is really nonchalant when they ask him mundane questions,, “Is it true that Santa isn’t real?” “Mhm.” lmfao he wouldn’t sugar coat anything bc he doesn’t want them to be hurt when they find things out later on in life
  • He’d also be that one teacher you can depend on like can’t get that juice box open? Mr.Yoon will open it for you dw he’s reliable my man
  • Has a super close bond with his students,,when they can tell he’s quieter than normal or having a bad day they’ll make him drawings that he hangs on his fridge and keeps till he’s 80
  • Loves to compliment the kids on e v e r y t h i n g like you colored inside the lines? They’re showered with praise and genuine admiration

Joshua:

  • Incorporates all of the kids favorite things into his lessons ex) gives them gummy bears when they answer a question right,,makes math problems about cartoon characters and covers the walls in colorful posters
  • Is the #1 kindergarten teacher when it comes to crying/upset children,, Literally so comforting y’all he’ll crouch down and wipe their tears away and cheer them up with some lame motivational speech that the kids think is legendary
  • Is super clumsy like he literally hits his legs off the desks and trips on the tiny chairs, but is somehow incredibly gentle with his actions and words
  • Is super supportive of everything the children do and what ideas they come up with,,You want to be an astronaut? He’ll offer to help build a rocketship for you
  • Is that one teacher that is oblivious to almost everything that is going on yet continues to be everyone’s favorite bc he lets them do whatever they want

Jun:

  • Ok I feel like kindergarten teacher Jun would take his job hella seriously like this guy literally walks in on the first day with a suit and glasses, hair gelled up and crayons ready to be dispersed
  • But his cool image lowkey intimidates the kids and so they ask him to stop with the theatrics and he ends up wearing black jeans and striped shirts the whole year bc relatable
  • He’s one of the advocators for the quiet kids and probably favors that one little shy kid who never speaks but is the sweetest thing on earth
  • Everyday is show n tell like if you want to show the class a rock you found outside 10 minutes ago be my guest
  • Is overly dramatic 100% of the time, his pencil broke *cue the deep sigh*, he spilt spaghetti on his slacks? *has 911 on speed dial* and lets the kids out early for recess

Hoshi:

  • Brings so much high energy and fun to the class that the kids literally never want to leave and won’t pry themselves off when their parents come for them
  • Wants to accommodate everyone’s learning needs and spends most of his nights thinking of little things he can implement to ensure they’re working to their full potential
  • Pulls a chair up next to the children at those hella low tables during snack break and whips out his own lunchbox that he packed himself (it’s loaded with gummies)
  • Promises that they’ll watch a movie or have playtime if they do well on their work but doesn’t care if they fail bc he wants to see the care bears just as badly as them
  • Creates a class cheer or some catchphrase that they all shout when grouped together like the squad they truly are

Keep reading

Something I just thougt:
a DGM AU where everything is the same except that Allen find out that he and Nea in the past were dating and when he finally find it out Nea says in his head ‘‘Well…Now you understand why I make so many jokes about being inside of you like in the good old days’’

Jared Kleinman humor analysis

Ok, can we talk about the little scene Evan and Jared have after “For Forever” because I noticed something in this part of their conversation:

Evan: You don’t understand I just got nervous and then I starting talking and I–

Jared: You couldn’t stop.

Now, here’s why I feel like this is worth mentioning: Jared makes a joke out of basically everything, right? The thing is, when he says this, it doesn’t really sound like a joke or a jab at Evan, it just sounds like a statement. Possibly even a statement Jared relates to. I think the reason he even says it at all is because he understands that. Jared uses humor as a defense mechanism, most of the time in a crude and/or hurtful way. And idk I just feel like this statement reveals some underlying truths about Jared. Humor is his defense, and sometimes, even when he wants to, he just can’t turn it off.

I’ve finally put words on why I thought Fantastic Beasts was better than any of the HP movies: it’s because Newt & friends are everything the Trio should have been but wasn’t because of shitty writing and oversimplification. (Warning: some mild spoilers.)

The adorable yet troubled hero whose personality, though carefully hidden away, is a gem of courage and sensitivity? Newt.

The frumpy, dowdy brown-noser, ridiculed by the cooler kids and looked down on, who reveals herself to be incredibly brave and clever? Tina.

The less gifted sidekick with a heart of gold, who’s funny but doesn’t make lame jokes all the time, who’s fiercely loyal and appreciates the good things in life? Jacob.

And then you have Queenie. Queenie whom you could write off as another Lavender Brown because of her blond curls and pink frills and flirty ways but who is actually the most incredible of them all. Guys, she practices Legilimency on anyone. At any time. Nonverbally. Without a wand. Seemingly without the slightest effort. GO LOOK UP LEGILIMENCY ON THE HP LEXICON AND THINK OF HOW SNAPE COULDN’T DO IT TO A 15 YEAR-OLD AND THEN TELL ME SHE’S NOT INSANELY POWERFUL.

Imagine movie!Hermione if she was more like Tina. Or movie!Ron if he was more like Jacob. Think of the gender stereotypes that flew out the window, the trope reversals abound, the real depth of characters that you actually learn to love, slowly and patiently, for very good reasons, instead of having their wonderfulness shoved in your face. You’ll want to cry, but then you’ll thank the fandom gods that Fantastic Beasts was actually made.

Maybe we should stop using the term “equality” and start using the term “equity” because I see bigots constantly using this to their advantage. “Well if a poc can do this why can’t I?” That type of shit.

Look, do I really have to spell it out for you? If there was no oppression, no advantage, no privilege, then your logic would be completely fine. But since there is oppression and privilege, that throws off the balance and dynamic of everything. Meaning that everything isn’t black and white and simple as you like to see it.

There’s a difference between a poc making a joke about white people and a white person making a joke about poc because of the life threatening results of jokes about poc because of power and privilege. Gay pride is great because LGBT+ people have been mocked, beaten, killed and have taken a backseat to hetero love since the beginning of time. Straight people don’t need a straight pride because all of society is straight in every way already and nobody is trying to harm you for being straight.

You need to take a deeper look into things and ask yourself “is this really equal though?” If you’re mad that a marginalized group can do something that you can’t do, just remember the years of horrible oppression, torture, deaths, etc. That they went through to throw off the balance of things so drastically that equal doesn’t even mean equal anymore. Then ask yourself if you’d be willing to trade your exclusion from all of that away to have the right to say a damn slur word.

I’m beginning to notice a pattern here.


TV Show or Another Piece of Media: *is violently fatphobic and makes fat people overwhelming uncomfortable, depressed, or angry*

Us, Calmly and Casually: Well, that’s disappointing-

About 20 Anonymous Thin People in Our Inbox: OH MY GOD, why are you getting so upset over a TV Show? LOL you’re pathetic. I can’t believe you are crying and throwing a fit over a show. You’re embarrassing yourselves. I can’t believe what a big deal you’re making out of this. You’re getting so emotional over nothing. LOL you’re so ridiculous. *insert trigger joke here* LOL you fat people are so amusing, getting all up in arms over a show. LOL. Why do you care so much? Why must you make a big deal out of everything? Why are you so offended? Oh my god what is it with fat people going on and on about ridiculous stuff like a TV show??? I can’t believe you are literally crying and screaming. It is just a show. Why are you making such a big deal out of it? It’s a joke. Calm down. Let people have their own opinion oh my god. Just calm down? Like? The fuck? *goes on for another 20 minutes about how we are making too big a deal out of this* I just can’t believe anyone would cry over a show, my god-


I mean, we really don’t make that big a deal out of anything. We just tell people that we are less than happy with something and why. 

But you sure love making a big deal out of us not agreeing with your opinion…

-Mod Bella