Eyes Closed (Shawn Mendes x Reader)
Warnings: angst-ish and smut. the story will get better!
“Shawn. Shawn. SHAWN!”
“God’s sake Shawn, do I even exist?”
“Why of course you do Y/N, I love you-“
“No stop. Please.”
It was too hard. Your boyfriend was obviously passionate about what he did, and you had absolutely no problem with that. But there is a limit between how much time he should spend with his guitar and how much he should spend with you.
For the past couple weeks, you were like a ghost in the house. You two had numerous arguments about this already, about how Shawn was definitely absorbed by his tour; but he would usually come around.
This feeling was absolutely the worst. Seeming unimportant, seeming always like the plan b. And today was the last time you wanted to feel this way.
If Shawn couldn’t give you an ounce of attention, maybe he wasn’t ready for a relationship.
His hand snaked around your waist as he murmured
“You mean the world to me Y/N.”
“It doesn’t feel like it.” You said, backing away.
“I’m so sorry, you know I don’t do it on purpose; it’s just been hectic recently and I’m on tour-“
“Look, I know you’re busy. We all have our busier times, but Shawn. It’s so fucking hard. I don’t see my boyfriend for months at a time. MONTHS. And simply seeing your face on a screen isn’t the same. It’s been three months we spent more than a week together. It’s been three months since we had a romantic date together. It’s been three months I fall asleep alone.” You said, your voice cracking as your vision blurred slightly.
“I need you Shawn.”
“I’m truly sorry Y/N, I promise I will make it up-“
“I’m sick of this! I’m sick of being cast aside and then you always “making it up to me” to cast me away again later on! It hurts too much.”
“I-I” Shawn stammered, panic in his eyes.
He really fucked up this time, he thought to himself.
“It hurts too much to be with you, we’re in a serious relationship and that’s what I expect it to feel like, but instead it feels like a on again off again thing indecisive teens have.”
“I’m sorry Y/N, please I’m begging you; you’re the love of my life-“
You wiped the tears off your face with the back of your hand.
“I’m sorry too. But it’s not working, and the longer I stay, the more I break inside. It’s just, maybe it’s not meant to be…”
“Y/N don’t say that.”
“Fuck I’m sorry. I love you too but I just can’t, I just can’t carry on like this. I know. I know this is your career, but I feel like I’m not strong enough for this relationship. You deserve someone who can support you, even when you’re away.”
You took your bag and walked out the door.
Walking down the street you broke down in tears, them blurring your vision as you took fast steps away from your apartment. You heard Shawn call out desperately behind you, but you just carried on even faster.
Walk away, and forget. Move on, you told yourself. It’s time you stop hurting. But how can you stop the pain if the one who hurt you is also the one who can heal you?
And where the hell were you going? Home was with Shawn, you had literally nowhere else. And so, you turned to something you rarely turned to, only in your most desperate times: alcohol.
Stopping in the middle of a random street you didn’t realize your feet brought you on, you reorientated yourself and walked to the nearest bar.
You obviously weren’t thinking clearly. Barely thinking at this point was more accurate.
“Boy do you look a mess.”
“Ain’t that the truth. Gimme something that’ll hit me fast. And hard.”
The bartender took out a bottle of tequila and lime juice and poured some in 10 shot glasses.
“You asked for it miss.” He said, before handing you the line of cups.
You downed one, two, three easily. You were a little bit of a lightweight, so by the sixth you were gone. All sense of judgement was gone, heck all feeling was gone.
You started looking around. You smiled to yourself drunkenly. Taking out your bag, you went to the bathroom and changed into a tight black dress that had a plunging neck line and a slit that went up a little too high up the side of your thigh.
Immediately, you realised you caught the eye of many many men. You noticed one of them looking at you in a manner that you couldn’t resist, so you stared teasingly back.
Under the influence, you made your way slowly to him. All this time, his eyes did not leave you and you loved the attention. You smiled at him mysteriously as you approached.
“Why hello there. I don’t see you here that often.” He whispered to you as you came very close to him.
you’re a regular here?”
“Yes, but I have never seen such a thing as you.”
You bit your lip up at him as he put his hand on your waist.
“May I have this dance?” He asked.
“Why of course.”
The gentleman led you closer to the band and put both hands on your hips and pulled you closer. You swayed to the music, your eyes never leaving his. He was charming you, and the longer you felt his touch, the more you craved him. It has been so freaking long since you had felt like this, since a man had his entire focus on you.
“Why don’t we go somewhere more private?” he whispered into your ear.
You nodded. He took your hand, and walked you through the crowd. Crossing the street, you made your way into a hotel. The fresh air freshened you up and sobered you up a bit.
But not conscious enough to stop it, and not enjoy it.
The stranger planted his lips on yours, and you reached behind your back to open the door to the nearest room, which was empty. You hopped and put your legs around him, as he supported you and lead you to the bed.
You both collapsed on top of it, and him on top of you started kissing your neck.
Your vision blurred with pleasure. As you closed your eyes, your sense of touch heightened. And his skin on yours felt just like Shawn’s. His lips on you felt just like Shawn.
If you closed your eyes just a little bit harder, you could imagine him being Shawn.
He felt just like him.
And as pleasure washed over you, you moaned out
To be continued…
ANY IDEAS FOR PART 2????