why hello sir

pokemaniacgemini  asked:

Idea: when Ed Edgar first appeared, none of the others realized it. He met them completely by accident one day while he was going door-to-door, trying to sell his son. He and Dark didn't make the best first impression on one another.

The Egos like to tell stories of the days that they joined the others, most of them do anyway. A few leave their stories out for the sake of… well, their own sanity. Host for instance, and Bim. Dark doesn’t have a story to tell, but Ed’s is always a favorite.

“It all started when I decided to sell my son,” he always starts, and Bim rolls his eyes with a, “You were always trying to sell your son,” but Ed will have none of it.

Anyway, I had already given up trying to sell him over the phone from my original commercial, so I decided that a regular old-fashioned door-to-door campaign was in order.” Ed always tips his hat here, like a punctuation mark. “That was the day that my carefree days ended, and I was saddled up to yall and expected to ‘get along’ and ‘contribute to the team.’” Ed shakes his head, and the others typically laugh a little and settle in for the rest of the story.

“So I mosey up to this dilapidated house, looks like a place for squatters and low-lifes, and lo and behold when I knock on the door, Wilford Warfstache here,” he takes this chance to clap Wilford on the back rather harshly, “opens up and immediately shoves a gun in my face!”

Everyone laughs like its a memory they’ve all shared, mostly because they have. Wilford pointing a gun in other people’s faces is, after all, a pretty common occurrence. “And I say, ‘Man, what in the world are you doin’?!’” His voice always goes a bit more high-pitched at this point, as he continues, “And do you know what he said?”

“What did he say?” Oliver asks expectantly from where he’s sitting cross-legged on the floor.

“He said,” Ed’s voice breaks with laughter, and it takes him a moment to compose himself even though he’s told this story a hundred times, “He said, ‘I just wanted to make sure you weren’t robbing us!’“ Ed properly bursts into laughter at this point, slapping his knee as if this is the funniest thing ever said. “Then we both realize that despite my being much more handsome, of course,” Wilford gives a conceding nod here along with a knowing smirk, “that we look rather similar, and you-know-who drops in then…”

Bim gasps, “Voldemort?!”

Ed rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “No, Trimmer. It was our own Supreme Edgelord.” Everyone’s eyes cut to Dark, and he glares at them.

“You know I hate it when you call me that.”

“Anyway!” Ed corrals their attention once more. “Edgelord shows up, all suave and cool,” Ed says, slicking back his hair and craning his head to the side in an imitation of Dark. “All, ‘Why hello there, sir. Has anyone ever told you that you’re the most handsome man in all the world?’‘


“Well,” Ed says with a shrug, “that’s what he was implying. He asked me if I knew what a figment was. I said, of course I knew, ‘cuz that’s what I am, and so forth and so on. And here I am!” Ed leans back in his chair as the others give a few more chuckles before he says his finishing line, “And I’m still the most handsome of us all, and yall know it!”

n3sh3r0x : HC!!! RFA + V reaction to Mc's fam being a bag of nutcases? Like they're 24/7 being lame and joking around and really inquisitive of MCs BF/GF

So my friend, @n3sh3r0x asked for this hc. SHE’S AMAZING GUYS!! Please follow her!!!

AND I’M SORRY but i really couldn’t imagine all of the families being a bag of nutcases. SO I DECIDED TO WRITE A “RFA+V+ SAERAN REACTING TO MC’S FAMILY”


- Sweet, sweet yoosung was pretty nervous when you told him that you wanted him to meet your family

-I mean…. who wouldn’t ??

-You father worked at this huge pharmaceutical company,  you mother was a cardiologist and to top it all off your sister was a lawyer at a big firm.

-Even you scared the living crap outta him when he first met you

-So when he first met your parents, he was shaking. Actually he was shaking for all the right reasons. Let me explain.

-Your father was immaculately dressed in his most expensive suit like show off much?, your mother wore a simple but beautiful gown and your sister??? Let’s just say that she wore a pair of sweatpants just to piss you off.

- Yoosung couldn’t stop laughing at this contrast. 

-As your father gracefully gave out his hand for a handshake, he was still laughing cause your sister was sticking her tongue out at you?? And you were being all cute, pinching her and making faces at her?

- Gosh ! Even the intellectuals weren’t any different , were they?

- “GOD DAMMIT! STOP IT GIRLS YOU ALWAYS EMBARRASS ME LIKE THIS!! I just wanted MC’s boyfriend to have a good impression on our family,” your father screamed.

- Your mum giggled, “Pay no mind to them yoosung!! We doctors must stay away from this lot at all times.”

- You mum really liked yoosung as they were both in the medical profession. She was a really chatty person. She blabbered on about how hard it was being a doctor. “I dunno how you did it yoosung,” she said, “I could barely learn how to treat the heart and you’ve learnt about how to treat the entire animal kingdom?” She sighed dramatically. 

- “HEY YOOSUNG!! Did you know that MC peed her pants in the sixth grade?” Your sister chimed in. “NO I DIDN’T,” you screamed and the two of you got into a cat fight. 

-Your dad sighed and apologized to him, “Welcome to the family, son.”

-Yoosung really did love your unique and wonderful family. And your family loved him more. 

Bonus: Your sister kept making passes at yoosung, vowing to steal him away from you when the two of you break up. She was just kidding! Or was she? Yoosung never knew about this. 


-Zen was really excited when you told him you wanted him to meet your family

- You used to tell him a lot about your family and he loved to hear about your two moms and you baby sister

- The whole day he was all like, “MC !! Should I wear this?? OR SHould I wear that??? Will you mom like this better.” 

- “JUST WEAR SOMETHING, ZEN,” you screamed.

-But it was so cute seeing him all excited.

- When you finally got to your house, he was so excited that he hugged both your mums. 

- “Nice to finally meet you,” He beamed, “I’m Zen.”

- “Wow I didn’t know my daughter was hiding such a handsome man,” Your mum giggled. “OH, MC~~” she sang. 

- You blushed so hard, it made Zen laugh.

- Your other mum laughed and kissed her on the cheek. “Oh and Zen,” she said, “We have this really BIG fan, just dying to meet you.”

- Your little sister was clinging to your mum’s leg. 

- “Come on, sweetie,” you called her out ,”Zen has a little gift for you.”

- But she still wouldn’t budge

- Zen knelt down and took her hands. “Looks like there are two very beautiful princesses in this house,” he smiled. He placed a little crown on her head. 

- She gave a tiny little smile. “Lift me !!” she ordered.

- “The shining knight Zen at your service, milady,” he laughed as he picked her up 

-He refused to put your little sister down for the whole day. Your lil sis had such radical fun,  getting a piggy back ride from Zen.

- Your parents loved Zen!! He was so sweet. He always was so well mannered and complimented them on little things.  

-At the end of the day, Zen ended up wanting to create a family like that with you. 

Bonus: Zen calls both your mums as ‘mum’ and ‘mama’, the way you call them. They love it. And they were so happy when zen first called them that


-You pure beautiful Jaehee was only second to Yoosung on the nervousness level when she first met your family 

- “But MC,” she dragged, “Is your family really ok with this? Me being a….. girl and all.”

- “Hush, my dear,” you kissed her on the nose, “I should be asking you if you’re ok with meeting my crazy family.”

- This reassured her a lot. But she was still nervous about making first impressions.

- Your family was a big one.

-I mean a reaaaaalllly big one. With cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents.

-So when you first got to the door, a flurry of kids surrounded you and Jaehee. 

- “OMG it’s MC!” 

- “IS that MC’s Girlfriend?”

-” MC AND JAEHEE, come play with us!!” 

-The kids were really noisy but Jaehee enjoyed the racket. The kids started introducing themselves and Jaehee was trying to memorize all of their names. 

-”Ok!! YOu twerps !! We’ll come back to you later!! We are going to meet the adults so LEAVE MY GIRLFRIEND ALONE,” you grabbed her hand pulled her out.

- “awwww MC you’re such a spoil sport.” You could hear all the groans and sighs. 

- Immediately after a group of adults surrounded you two. 

- “Is this the Jaehee??? “ your aunt literally screamed. 

- She pulled Jaehee closer, took a good and long look at her.

- “Tell me, Jaehee,” she said, “HOW THE HELL DO YOU PUT UP WITH A WHINY CHILD LIKE MC. We still don’t know.”

-All the others nodded in agreement. 

- “STOP embarrassing me in front of my Girlfriend,” you stomped your foot.

- All of Jaehee’s nervousness dissipated. And she laughed. “Oh no!” she said and looked at you, “It has always been the other way around.”

-You blushed so hard. What did you do to deserve her? 

- Everyone from the teenagers, to the kids , to the adults and the elders took their turns with Jaehee.

- They really loved her. And really couldn’t understand why such a sweet angel like her chose you. You really couldn’t understand that either   

-Although she was drained by the end of the day, she was really looking forward to the next trip.


-Jumin was always so curious about your family

- Whenever he asked about your family, you would brush him off saying that you would tell him when you were ready.

-He also never really got why you were working, when he was there to provide for you?

-Although he was really curious, he respected your wishes and never delved into that matter again.

- Then one day you decided it was time he met you family.

- You were actually from another town. You were from a really poor family, with your father dying when you were only 16 years old. Being the eldest, you had to help your mother raise your younger sister and brother. 

- Jumin now understood why you had to work.

- “But I can provide for your family, Mc,” he protested. 

- But you flat out refused cause you didn’t marry him for the money. 

-So you took the weekend off from work to visit your family with Jumin. 

- “Jumin, just don’t offer my mother any money,” you tell him, “We are doing very well now! And my mother would refuse cause she’s such a hard worker.”

- Jumin nodded. But you were not sure about what his stubborn ass was actually going to do.

-When you got home, you little sister and brother excitedly hugged you. 

- “MC!! YOU’RE HOME,” they shouted. 

- “Mc, look!! I got the first place in my class this year,” you little brother beamed. 

- Your sister got annoyed. “But MC! I got first place on both my tests and my relay,” you sister stuck her tongue out.

- Your brother was about to retaliate when you mother intervened, “Mc and her boyfriend traveled a long way, kids.Let them rest.”

-They went back sighing. You laughed and hugged your mum. 

- “And you must be Jumin,” your mum said breaking the hug. 

-Jumin was so fixated at your house. It was so small. But it really was so warm and wonderful. 

- “Yes mam. I’m Jumin Han,” he said as he took your mother’s hand, “Pleasure to meet you.”

- You and your mum burst into laughter. 

- “You really dont have to be so formal, Mr. Han~~,” you teased. 

- The kids tugged at Jumin’s trousers. 

-They were really curious about this royal looking stranger

-Jumin was really surprised by the kids. They were so well mannered, smart and hard working just like MC.

-He really loved them a lot. And they liked him too.

-And MC’s mother had so much dignity and integrity. He respected her deeply. And your mother loved Jumin for his honesty and manners. And she knew how much he loved and respected you. 

- And the food your mother cooked for him?? Never had he eaten anything so delicious his entire life.

- Just sitting around with your family and eating with them, made him realise that money really wasn’t everything 

-After that, he never did complain about you having to go to work. But he insisted on helping out a little.

- He always did send your family little extravagant gifts and souvenirs. And demanded a monthly visit to see you mum and the kids

-He took you guys on a lot of trips. And the kids really enjoyed their time with him.


-Given his past, Seven really wanted a to be a part of a family

- So when you wanted to introduce him to your parents, HE WAS SO EXCITED, OVERJOYED, ELATED *add any synonym of your choice*

-You were from a middle class family

-Nothing special really

-You were the only kid.

- “Ok 7,” you warn him, “No funny business at my home… My dad is really strict.”

- “You betcha,” he sticks his tongue out.

-You sigh…. This was bad……… Really bad

-So when you get home, your father growls, “And what is the name of this boy MC? What does he do?”

- “Dad, this is Se-.. I mean Saeyoung and hes a hac-.. I mean a computer programmer.”

- “Why hello~~ sir,” 7 sang and let out his hand for a handshake.

- You dad looked at him from his head to his toe and sighed. 

- “I’ll be at my room if you need me,” he frowned. 

- 7 looked a little upset. Your mum sensed this too. 

- “Oh don’t mind that grumpy old man, Saeyoung, my dear,” you mum chimed, “I really dont know how I put up with him for so many years.”

-You giggled and held 7′s hand.

- “Don;t take it to heart, hon,” you laughed, “He’s what I call a Tsundere dad.”

- “TSUNDERE DAD??” he screamed. WTH MC 

- “The more he likes a person, the ruder he is to them,” your mum explained.

- Saeyoung couldn’t stop laughing, “I’m starting to like your dad.”

-So 7 like usual, kept making his lousy jokes. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes while your mother laughed. 

-Your dad crept in. “OH, You all are making a lot of noise. KEEP IT DOWN,” he said as he sat across you guys with a newspaper.

-You all could not help but chuckle. Oh, the things your dad did just to spend time with you, without actually admitting it.

- “So saeyoung,” your dad started, “How much is it that you earn.”

- 7 sat up straight. “See Sir, it actually depends…..”

- “He earns a lot, dad,” you cut in, “Have you seen his car?” You showed him a picture of his car.

-You dad was impressed and interested but he wouldnt admit it. 

- “It’s a decent car,” he frowned

- The three of you were internally screaming. 

- All throughout the evening 7 made small talk with your dad. He followed him everywhere. Your dad actually showed him his precious stamp collection and LET HIM TOUCH IT.

- Saeyoung started called your mother as mum. AND YOUR MUM LOVED IT

- “Don;t call her that,” you father growled. 

- “But DAD~~~” 7 sang

- “DONT CALL ME THAT,” he shouted. But he was very happy, internally. Tsundere dad strikes again

-He really had taken a liking towards your dad.

- You dad called him annoying a lot but deep inside… lets face it! He loved Saeyoung a lot.

- When it was time to leave, your dad gave you a peck on you cheek as he said , “Saeyoung is good guy, mc. I like him.”

- You werent gonna tell saeyoung this but you had a feeling he already knew.  

- Saeyoung sometimes liked to visit your parents alone and spend time with them

ps…… If you;ve seen Saiki Kusuo then you’ll know about the tsundere grandpa…. that episode literally changed my life


- “V!” you proclaimed one day, “I want you to meet my family.”

- V was surprisingly very cool about this, “Ok mc” he said as he kissed you on the forehead.

-The only family you had left was your two brothers. They practically raised you. Everything they ever did was for you. You didn’t have one complaint in your life. One brother was a professional wrestler and the other worked for the government.

- The two of your brothers were dying to meet V. They planned on how they were going to freak MC’s boyfriend out cause they were both so muscular and buff. And not to mention tall. They were both wrestlers in high school and had so many medals, that you learnt how to count with them

-So anyways, they were really planning to freak your boyfriend out. 

-They wanted to make sure that your boyfriend was man enough. You were their precious baby sister after all. 

- Well, jokes on them…. V was blind. 

- There was no way V was gonna be intimidated my their looks.

- Their jaws fell to the floor when they saw V

- “Mc… is he….”

- “Yes, Im blind,” V interjected, “ But I can see a little with one eye”

- They regained their composure. But they still had to make sure that he would treat their precious little sister well

- “Well Jihyun,” you brother firmly held V’s shoulder, “If you ever do something to our sister then God help you.” 

-You were angered my your brothers’ rude behavior towards V. Before you could protest, V said calmly, “Sir, I wouldnt hurt a hair on her head. She is the love of my life.”

- Commence Jaw Drop

-You blushed hard….. as did your brothers. The line was delivered so cooly and calmly.

-”V~~” you hit his hand playfully.

- Your brothers laughed. 

- “I’ve been married for 5 years and never once have I said such a thing to my wife. We should learn a lot from you V”

- You brothers loved him. They were so boisterous and playful… so unlike V. They considered V as a part of their gang

-V loved it! He had so much fun with your brothers. All three of them got drunk in the end and you were left to take a drunken V home



- Your parents died when you were really young

-You were raised by your grandparents. 

-So when you asked Saeran if he wanted to meet your wonderful grandparents, saeran wasnt exactly excited. But he knew how much they meant to you so he decided to accompany you

-The minute you entered the house, there was the lovely smell of freshly baked goods.

-Your grandma and grandpa were so excited to see you.

-They were standing outside for nearly an hour just to see you.

-You were so happy to see them. Saeran saw immediately how your expression changed. Could you get any cuter? chandler voice

-You hugged them both and kissed them

-Your grandparents were equally excited to see saeran.

- They huddled around him.

- “MC told me that you really like ice cream, saeran,” your Grandma said, “So I made a lil cake to go along with it.”

- “Oh and dont forget about the sweater we got him dear,” your grandpa added.

- As you helped your grandma out in the kitchen, saeran and your grandpa took to talking

- You grandpa told him stories about the army. Saeran seemed very interested and excited.

-You could see them talking about random things under the sun

-He absolutely adored the food your grandma made and even wore the sweater they got for him

-He really enjoyed his time with your grandparents.

-He ended up wishing he could stay there more.

- When you went to sleep, your grandpa and saeran talked throughout the night.

-”Saeran…. in case something happens to me… the mc and her grandma…”

“Nothing will happen to you and if it does… I’m always here for them. MC means the world to me”

anonymous asked:

Why hello there, Mr. SuperGreatFriend-sir! Have you heard the good news?! Our God, Lord, and Savior Andrei Ulmeyda has come to this Earth to take us to the promise land! But to do that, he needs your help! You see, we are designing a special THIRTEENTH piece of the Our-God-Lord-and-Savior-Andrei-Ulmeyda Bottol Cap collection and we need input from the glorious people of Earth! Could we have your opinion please, what would YOU have the sacred THIRTEENTH piece of His holy collection be?

Clearly the 13th bottole cap would be Killerman Ulmeyda.

What Winston Says Chapter 2

           Winston woke up a few hours later, Daniel still wrapped in his muscular arms. He smiled and kissed Daniel’s neck, causing him to stir in his sleep and roll over to face Winston. Their lips met.

           “Why, hello sir,” Daniel said with a stretch.

           “Hello yourself,” Winston replied.

           Daniel rose off the bed and walked to the bathroom, where his clothes were still piled on the floor from the events that took place a few hours before. He walked back in, just in his sweatpants, his small belly shaking with each step.

           “So, tell me, what exactly happened back there.”

           Winston sat upright in his bed, still naked, and asked Daniel to hand him a pair of jeans off his desk. As he put them on, he explained. “I helped this woman in the mall, and in exchange she let me pick something from off her kiosk. When I chose the amulet, she did something to it that lets anything I say happen. And after some body modifications,” he said, rubbing his newly athletic body as example, “I decided to have you come over and have a little fun with you.”

           “And why me?” Daniel asked, a little happy he was chosen, but more confused as to why.

           “I think you’re hot. Even though you’ve bullied me for a while, I still think you’re good looking. And you needed to be taught a lesson.”

           Daniel winked. “And boy did I. But what now?”

           “What do you mean?”

           Daniel sat down on the bed next to Winston. “Well, think about it. You have me here for as long as you want me. Your parents won’t be home for a while. And with the amulet, you can do pretty much anything you want. So, what do you want to do now?”

           That’s a good question, Winston thought to himself. I got the guy. Unexpectedly, I might add. So, what do I do now?

           That’s when it clicked.

           “I went to get back at the whole football team.”

           “What did they do to you? I’m friends with a few of those guys.”

           “Not only do they torture me on a daily basis, they brutalize and humiliate other kids too. They need to be taught lessons.”

           Daniel smiled. “While I’m not a petty bitch, that sounds like poetic justice to me. Let’s do it. But how?”

           “Leave that to me,” Winston said with a smile. “By the way, you’ll need to drive. There’s a Camaro outside waiting for us.”

           The two boys’ heads turned to the window, and sure enough, a brand-new Camaro was parked in the driveway.

           “Man, I could get used to this,” Daniel said. “Let’s go.”

           While Daniel sped through the town streets (with the help of Winston’s request for no traffic and that no cops would pull them over) Winston began to talk about what he wanted.

           “The football team will be there in twenty minutes for a surprise practice in the main gym. Coach Phillips has texted all of them, but due to an issue with his dog, will have completely forgotten about it and not cancelled.”

           “So, what’s the plan when we get there? Or will that be a surprise?”

           “Definitely a surprise. This’ll be something for us both to enjoy.”

           “Oh?” Daniel asked. “Why is that?”

           “The whole team will show up in nothing but their jerseys, jeans, and their jockstraps.”

           Daniel laughed. “Yup. I’ll definitely enjoy whatever you’ve got up your sleeve.”

           Soon, the two boys were walking into the high school and sat down on the bleachers in the empty gym. In two minutes, the whole team would show up, and Winston would have his way with them.

           “What’s going to happen with the dog? I mean, nothing bad I hope,” Daniel said to Winston as they waited.

           “No, I’m not that much of as asshole. Just bad gas.”

           The gym doors opened and the football team burst in, shouting and goofing off as guys do. All of them were oblivious to the fact that Winston and Daniel were sitting there waiting on them. That was, until Chad Walker saw the two boys and pointed it out to the other nineteen men.

           “What the hell? Yo Danny, why are you hanging out with faggy Winston?”

           Daniel didn’t say anything, but Winston stood up.

           “Nice of you to join us, Chad. And you too guys. Who’s ready for some practice?”

           The team burst out laughing, Chad being the loudest. “Practice? You? Oh, I get it. This is some kind of joke. We’re leaving.”

           As the men gathered their equipment, Winston’s voice rang loud and clear.

           “How will you? The doors are locked until we’re done here.”

           No one paid him any attention, until their hands clasped the locked doors. They pushed as hard as they could, but not one door open.

           “Okay,” Chad shouted, “What gives? Is this a prank? Are you getting us back for something?”

           Winston clapped as he walked down from his seat, and walked right up to Chad.

           “Yes, this is exactly me getting you back for something. A lot of somethings actually. Now, all of you guys are going to line up on this line, facing the bleachers.”

           The men laughed at Winston’s demand, but the laughter died down as they felt their feet move to the line Winston pointed at. Soon came a chorus of “What the fuck,” and “What’s happening,” but sure enough, there they all stood.

           Jim Richards, the smallest man on the team, stood next to Chad. “Yo, what gives?”

           This time, it was Daniel who spoke. “Well, it seems like you guys have been causing some hell for the kids who go here. And Winston has decided that you guys need to learn a lesson. And man, are you guys sure in for one hell of a lesson.”

           The men, still confused, didn’t know what to say.

           “All right, let’s try something out,” Daniel said, standing in front of the line. “Jim, you picked on Woody Martin for having acne last year. Right? And you’re going to answer truthfully. You ALL will answer me truthfully when I ask you a question.”

           “Yes, I did. I dunked his head in a toilet,” Jim said, uncontrollably and honestly.

           “And you, Henry,” Winston said, pointing towards Henry Thomas, the strongest and most chiseled guy on the team. “You slut-shamed Jessica a few weeks ago for not hooking up with you at the homecoming dance, correct?”

           “Yeah. No one turns me down.”

           Winston smiled. He turned his head to Daniel. “Ready?”

           Daniel smiled back. “Ready.”

           Winston turned his attention to the crowd. “Okay boys, here we go.” He pointed back at Jim. “You’re going to get pimples all over your face. Big, greasy, pimples. Blackheads all over your nose. Red, raw, gross face.”

           Jim laughed as he felt the first prick of pain on his face. Whipping his phone out, he looked at his face in the camera. What started off as a tiny blemish turned into a swarm of red dots, all different sizes. His nose grew tiny blackheads all over as his face became a deep shade of red. Pimples spread behind his ears, on his forehead, and some even began to pop, sending pus flying from his face. The guys in line looked, but none could speak.

Winston turned to Henry. “No matter what happens today, your cock will be hard and throbbing, but will not be able to cum. You will stay at the brink or orgasm, but won’t be able to achieve it.” There was no proof of this. Yet.

Lastly, he turned to Chad. “And you, pretty boy, with your good looks and perfect body, you’re going to get fat. Four hundred pounds of lard-ass fat. Your dick will get lost in your rolls. You’ll have tits that the girls in this school will envy. And nothing I can say will reverse it. Now come stand in front of me.”

Chad began to nervously chuckle as his feet moved him closer to Winston, until he was a foot away from him. Daniel walked closer too, and put his hand on Winston’s shoulder.

“Have fun, big guy,” he said to Chad.

Chad’s gut was the first thing to be effected. He looked down and saw a little pouch of fat push at the material of his number 5 jersey. The small pouch began to get bigger, swelling outward at first as a ball of flesh, but soon the jersey slowly rode over the hum of fat. Chad put his hands on his new gut and felt it starting to push. He looked at Winston and Daniel in horror, unable to understand the transformation he was taking.

The jersey was slowly rising up past Chad’s hairy navel as his gut started to grow at a faster rate. Not only was it growing outwards, it began to swell at the sides as well. He grabbed his big belly and started to whimper at his new size.

With the jersey resting on the top of his globe, his tits began to take form. They too pushed against the fabric, growing as fast as his stomach until the material couldn’t be pushed any farther and ripped off Chad’s gigantic frame. His tits, covered in brown chest hair, were donned with brown nipples, that were stretching to match the fat on Chad’s chest.

His jeans tore off next as his thighs and ass grew bigger, making his jockstrap look like a small pair of bikini bottoms. His stomach began to slowly fall south, covering the small bulge in his jockstrap.

When the growing was done, Chad turned around to face his team. No one recognized the fat man standing before them. His gut was covered in angry red stretchmarks, with his prey fat tits resting on top of his globe. His dick was completely covered by fat, and his thighs were bulky and massive. All was silent.

That was, until the team started to point and laugh at Chad. The laughter echoed and bounced around the gymnasium.

“That was kinda hot,” Daniel said, poking his boner into Winston’s back. “What now?”

Winston had already thought about that.

“Oh guys, I wouldn’t laugh too much. All of your bodies are going to be covered in fat too. I want to say, two hundred pounds more of it. And what’s even better, you will all have a lust and sexual craze for your teammates. Want to make fun of me for being gay? Let’s see you try as you’re all fucking and sucking each other.”

This command started off slowly. A few of the men began to make out with each other, some went straight to sucking dick. What made this scene all the more erotic was that each of the men began to get fat without even noticing it. Some guts were growing faster than some. Some weight went straight to men’s thighs and ass. Some grew moobs before they grew guts. In just a matter of minutes, the whole football team was comprised of fat men who were loving on their fellow fat men. Sweaty bellies, tits, asses, and thighs were now on the floor of the gym, sucking or fucking like a frenzy. And there was Henry, fat and horny, with no orgasm in site as he ferociously fucked Chad’s humongous ass, with no orgasm in site.

Daniel dropped to his knees in front of Winston and worked the thick cock out of Winston’s jeans. With a smile he worked Winston’s cock, while his free hand traced up and down his hard abs, squeezing his nipples. The sight was all too much for Winston, who began to cum immediately, Daniel catching every drop.

What neither men expected was Daniel’s body started to swell with fat also.  His sweatpants became packed with excessive amounts of ass and thigh fat. His gut pushed out underneath his shirt and his chest began to swell up too. As he struggled to stand up, he looked at Winston.

“I guess we forgot about earlier,” he said with a laugh as he slapped his gut. “This is me gaining one hundred pounds for all of your cum.”

Winston grabbed the fat man’s face and kissed him hard. Their tongues swirled around, and the kiss became very passionate.

“Fuck me,” Winston said, as he broke the kiss. “Please.”

Both men got on the ground and threw their clothes off. Winston laid down on his back while Daniel aimed his dick at Winston’s virgin hole. “I don’t suppose you have a condom and lube?”

“Oh, you already have one on your cock, which is perfectly lubed up. “

Daniel looked down and saw the condom wrapped around his dick, slick with lube. He slowly pushed his way inside Winston, who gasped with the feeling of being penetrated. Daniel lowered himself closer to Winston, as his blubbery body rested on Winston’s toned one.

The two slowly picked up the pace as they clawed at each other with each deep thrust, as sounds and slurping and moaning came from across the gym. The guys were ether sucking, fucking, or being fucked by the other fat men on the team, while Daniel and Winston moaned and grunted.

After Daniel picked up the pace and thrusted harder, he screamed and felt himself let go inside of Winston. He felt himself fall on Winston, and the two bodies met with both men kissing and holding the other.

They heard louder noises and looked over in time to see the other nineteen men all reach sticky, sweaty orgasms. Again, all except for Jim, who sat there defeated, looking at his throbbing dick.

“What are you going to do with them?” Daniel asked.

Winston gave this some thought.

“The guys will go back to their original sizes and go home, thinking this was all a dream. Henry will be able to cum tomorrow, but only dissatisfying orgasms. Chad will Wake up tomorrow this fat, and no one will be able to understand why. The men will not remember this, but will always have a strange feeling that they can be ruined if they act like assholes to anyone else.”

Sure enough, the men shrank down to their original weights, and began to get dressed. Winston was nice enough to provide Chad with clothes that would just barely fit, and Jim’s acne left without so much as a scar.

As the men began to tickle put of the gym, Winston looked at Daniel.

“Do you want me to change you back?

Daniel looked down at his bigger frame. He rubbed his belly and played with his chest, grabbing his nipple and smiled. “Nah, I’ll stay fat for a while. I kinda like it.”

The two kissed again.

As they walked out hand in hand, Daniel started to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Winston asked.

“I was just thinking something.

“And that would be?”

Daniel looked at him over the hood of the Camaro.

“You’re to the only one who hasn’t tried being fat yet.”

To be continued…

“Hmm.  What podcast shall I listen to during my commute this morning?”

…Uh…nvm.  I’m…good, thanks.


Zaid: Hello! What a fancy cat you are!
Mayor Whiskers: Why hello good sir, what a fine day it is today! Why this must be your fine lady! Meow, hello!
Sophie: Wow, he’s vocal isn’t he?
Zaid: I think that he’s trying to tell us that he wants to come home with us.
Sophie: Funny how the first cat you meet is telling you that?
Zaid: You love me really!
Sophie: It’s lucky that I do! Come on, I want to visit the lighthouse!

Draconian thoughts: Oh shit he’s holding me. The fancy human has me in his (wow, really strong) arms! WHAT DO I DO! Do I hold his shoulder, no wait that’s stupid and awkward. Oh god I crumpled his tie, his very soft, HIS SILK TIE!!! Bad first impression, bad, Bad! ABORT MISSION ABORT!

Dad thoughts: Oh how cute :) he’s shy. I smile in reassurance but he averts his eyes. I guess I’ll speak first.

“Why hello there good sir,” I tip my hat in greeting. He nods back but doesn’t say a word. He looks like he is trying to regain his composure. I gently set him down and he nearly succeeds. We have a half silent chat and then he leaves. The whole visit has lasted no longer then five minutes but it’s the best company I’ve gotten all week. I wonder if he’ll visit again?


kiwisan08 submitted:

Why hello, good sir. If you would be so kind as to read aloud the fine literature entitled, “Fuck Me Running, a fan fic. R-18!!! NSFW” by the renowned brimerica, I would be quite delighted. Should you be too occupied to search for this poetry, I have pasted it hither:

“once a pond a tiem america wus out wit sanic and sed “oh sanic senpai,” he sed with desu eyes. “i wan ur chili dog inside me”

sanic stroked americas face with his MAGNUM yaoi hands and sed “yr too slow…” and then took him ento his armz and beegan to taek him thru the furst lvl.

wile running he took of amuricas pants and undies and insurted his diddle who into his rabbit hole while runnin. “OOO MR SANIC FUCK ME RUNNIN” screamz amurica. butt sanic went too fast and frickied him so hard he lawnched amurica-san into spaec. Sanic cried bc he wasn’t finnishd yet.

Amurica floated in spaec with his trouzers at his ankles. as he stared into the sun, he ehisperes wit a tear in eye. “Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.” he gives himself a hamburger and flies into the moon’s corn hole. he dyes. WUT a braEV man sez canada. de end.”

As you are basking in the beauty of this fine work, I once again implore you to keep in mind thatthis epic tale was written by brimerica, and not yours truly.I simply admire her works from afar. Thank you for taking your time to look over this request.

The Whale King knows all,


Draco’s First Trip to Disney

It’s Draco’s first time at Disney

Warnings: None 

A/N: Characters from the potterverse belong to J.K. Rowling. 

This was meant to be a blurb but it ended up turning into a one shot 

Masterlists Here (x) (x)

In preparation for your trip to Disney world, you’d forced Draco to sit through every Disney movie in your collection. He wasn’t crazy about most of them, but he didn’t complain. He knew watching movies together, regardless of what they were, meant he got to spend time with you. However, the one movie that Draco seemed to enjoy above all the others was Frozen. You saw the way his eyes lit up at the young Elsa and Anna and how his face fell when Elsa was locked away. Sometimes in the mornings, you’d hear him humming the melodies to several of the songs in the movies. Though he’d never admit it to you, Draco definitely had frozen fever.

“Draco are you ready?” you called from the sitting area of your hotel room. “Remember we have to get to the park early before it gets too crowded.” The truth of the matter was you knew the park would be crowded regardless, but the more time you had for waiting in line the more rides you’d be able to conquer. You heard a loud clatter followed by a string of profanity, and giggled.  After a bit of shuffling, Draco emerged from your bedroom.

“I’m ready to go,” Draco announced. “I guess I stink at putting suitcases away. I just used my profanity quota up at the happiest place on earth.” You reached out to grab his hand and led him out of the room.

Draco was curious why you couldn’t just apparate instead of taking the ferry, but you shook your head. You wanted Draco to experience Disney they way you had, where the magic came from the park not your wand. When you arrived, you dragged Draco over to magic kingdom and raced toward one of the buildings. You were third in line for a character meet up.

“I thought you said we were going to ride rides? I thought we’d go character meeting later?” Draco pouted. “ I was looking forward to the Dumbo ride.”

“Trust me Draco. You want to get in line for this character as early as possible,” you replied giving his hand a squeeze. “Besides, we’re third in line. It won’t take us that long to meet them.” Draco raised his eyebrow skeptically but didn’t bother to argue. After standing in line for twenty minutes, it was your turn.

“Did you want me to go first?” Draco asked. You nodded, a smile creeping across your face. Draco gave you a look of confusion, but proceeded to make his way around the wall to the characters. You saw him freeze in place when his eyes landed on Anna and Elsa.

“Why hello there Sir,” Elsa called. “What kingdom are you from?” Draco stood their dumbfounded, his eyes darting between you and Elsa.

“We’re from England, “ you answered for him as you led him toward the princesses. “We’ve come a long way to meet you both.”

“Wow that does seem pretty far,” Anna replied. “Perhaps Elsa and I should try to schedule a trip there?” You could hear a squeal of delight coming from Draco.  

“Do you mind if he takes a picture with you?” When both Anna and Elsa agreed, you pulled out your polaroid camera gesturing for Draco to stand between the two princesses. When he didn’t move, Anna and Elsa moved beside him. “Alright smile Draco.” You snapped the photo and held it up for them to sign.

“It’s like a portrait just smaller and without paint,” Anna observed as she signed the photo.

“Not only that, it takes a lot less time to be ready. We’ll have to ask about these pictures when we come visit,” Elsa suggested.

“Absolutely Elsa. We’ll be happy to give you one of these picture makers when you visit,” You locked arms with Draco as you waved goodbye. “Say goodbye Draco.”

“Bye Elsa and Anna,” Draco mumbled as you led him out of the room. When the princess were out of sight, Draco let go of your arm and spun around to face you.

“You should’ve given me a warning. I was an absolute mess out there,” Draco frowned.

“Draco, you were absolutely adorable,” you reassured him. “I’m sure the princesses didn’t mind that you were a bit flustered.”

“I suppose you’re right , but how did you know I like frozen?” Draco inquired.

“Babe, you hum frozen in the shower and I’ve found Frozen in the DVD player several times,” you reasoned as you moved closer to him. “Also as your girlfriend, I know when you like something.”  Draco smirked at you, pulling you against him.

“Is that so? Well thank you Y/N for doing this for me,” Draco grinned as he placed a chaste kiss on your lips. “I hope you don’t have any other surprises for me?”

“Hey I can’t tell you that,” you winked. “Now come on, let’s do some more exploring.”

What If? (Itsflake)

Jace walked into the bar and sighed softly. Was that the right thing to do? Breaking up with Thomas was a heat of the moment decision, but what was done was done and he couldn’t go back now. He needed something to take his mind off of the other. He sat down and ordered something hard, not caring for the name, and turned to the man beside him. “Why hello there sir. How are you doing this evening?”