why haven't i thought of that

Basically, This is Basically What Every Dr. Phil Episode is Basically Like Basically
  • Dr. Phil: Hello, I am Doctor Philip, and today we'll be tackling an issue that is very widespread, but rarely spoken about. Gaming addiction. Now, I know many of you know at least one person in your life who plays video games, whether that be a child or, in some cases, a spouse.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: But, when unregulated, gaming can lead to serious addiction. Today I have with me a mother who's home life has been torn apart as her very own son descended into gaming addiction.
  • Mother: *sniffing and wiping tears away* Hello, doctor. Will you cure my son?
  • Dr. Phil: Well, dear, that's... uhh. Let's just bring the boy out already.
  • *dramatic music plays*
  • Gamer: My name is Gregg, I'm 19 years old, I'm a gaming addict, and I don't give a f*ck.
  • Audience: *gasps*
  • Gamer: Yeah, I game for 19 to 20 hours a day and the other four hours I use for looking up sick gaming strats or beating it to anime porn. I once sucked off a dude because he offered me minecraft diamonds. I don't give a sh*t, I would've sucked him off even if he didn't have the diamonds.
  • Audience: *gasps louder*
  • Gamer: Do I hate women? Yes, I hate women. I've emailed Anita Sarkeesian my address. She knows where I am if she wants to fight me. Feminists, square the fuck up. People always ask why I don't do anything other than gaming. I ask them why don't they mind their own f*cking business. I don't think I have a problem. Dr. Phil can honestly eat my whole an*s.
  • Gamer: *walks out onto the stage*
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: F*ck all y'all! I don't give a f*ck! *flips off the audience*
  • Dr. Phil: Please take a seat, son.
  • Gamer: *sits very disrespectfully*
  • Mother: *starts bawling*
  • Dr. Phil: Son, do you think that was acceptable behavior?
  • Gamer: The only behavior I care about is the behavioral patterns for enemies in the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. series. I love video games: Master chief, Mario, uhm, Blinx the Cat... Blasto. Love those guys!
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: I don't care! You think I care! F*ck all y'all!
  • Dr. Phil: All these people are booing you, doesn't that make you feel bad?
  • Gamer: Are you deaf? Have I not articulated the fact that I absolutely 100% do not care about anything except for video games? I. DON'T. GIVE. A. F*CK.
  • Mother: He's always like this, there's no changing him. It didn't used to be this way... just *starts bawling harder*
  • Dr. Phil: I think there is a way to change him, and we'll find out more about that after these messages.
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays*
  • *The lights dim and every goes empty eyed and slack-jawed*
  • Gamer: Heh, this is weird. *nudges mom and whispers to her* Hey, we're getting paid for this, right. Hey, mom? ...Mom?
  • Mother: *completely unresponsive*
  • Dr. Phil: *completely unresponsive*
  • Audience: *completely unresponsive*
  • Gamer: Heh... this is REALLY weird. *looks around nervously*
  • Audience member: Hey!
  • Gamer: Huh?
  • Audience Member: I'm in the audience! Over here! My arms are strapped to the chair! You have to help me!
  • Gamer: *runs to the audience member*
  • Audience Member: Thank god, I thought I was the only one here left with any brains.
  • Gamer: *hastily undoing the straps* What the fuck is going on?
  • Audience Member: I don't know, but this definitely isn't Dr. Phil's show.
  • Gamer: Then what is it?
  • Audience Member: No clue, but we have to get out of here before the commercial breaks ends.
  • Gamer: *successfully undoes the straps*
  • Audience Member: C'mon! Let's go. *grabs the gamer by the arm*
  • Gamer: *resists* Wait a fucking minute. Why am I supposed to trust you?
  • Audience Member: Because I'm normal and everyone else is braindead if you haven't noticed.
  • Gamer: Yeah, but I'm not going anywhere until I know what's going on. Being on Dr. Phil is a huge opportunity for me to, y'know, advertise my brand. I'm a gamer if you haven't noticed.
  • Audience Member: Are you insane? Have you had a look around you? Does this anything happening right now seem normal to you? Who cares about your "brand". Do you even remember how you got here?
  • Gamer: Well... now that you mention, I can't really remember exactly.
  • Audience Member: Yeah, now let's get the fuck out of here.
  • *the gamer and audience member run through the back exit into the hallways*
  • *the Dr. Phil theme blares as the show returns from commercial break*
  • Gamer: My ears!
  • Audience Member: Move it! *jerks gamer's arm*
  • Gamer: Okay, calm down.
  • *the entire audience screams in unison*
  • Gamer: What the fuck is that!?
  • Audience Member: It's the reason we're running! Quick, in here!
  • *the duo duck into a cramped broom closest*
  • Gamer: Listen, you have to tell me what the fuck is going on right now!
  • Audience Member: Shh.
  • Gamer: Don't shush me!
  • Audience Member: *covers the gamer's mouth*
  • *agonized screaming and violently rumbling passes by the broom closest*
  • Gamer: Holy shit!
  • Audience Member: Stop yelling.
  • Gamer: How can I not yell when it sounds the gates of hell just passed by us!
  • Audience Member: You want it to turn back around and find us?
  • Gamer: Alright. I'll calm down... I'll. *start sobbing*
  • Audience Member: Please, please stop crying. You're too loud.
  • Gamer: I can't! I'm under a lot of stress!
  • Audience Member: You'll be dead if you don't shut the fuck.
  • Gamer: I never wanted any of this, I just wanted to go on Dr. Phil so people would recognize me on YouTube and I could become a popular Let's Player!
  • Audience Member: If you don't shut up right now, I'll-
  • *a snake bites the audience member's neck*
  • Audience Member: *eyes roll up*
  • Gamer: *screams like a baby*
  • *snakes slither under the closet door*
  • Gamer: *stumbles out of the closet and falls into hallway covered with snakes* Fuck me! Fuck me!
  • Gamer: *attempts to run away but falls beneath the snakes and into and empty void*
  • *agonized screaming echoes from all around*
  • Gamer: Am I in hell? I have to be in hell. You don't fall through a pool of snakes and wind up anywhere else but hell.
  • Dr. Phil: THERE IS NO HELL.
  • Gamer: Doc, is that you? If this isn't hell then where am I?
  • Dr. Phil: YOU'RE IN MY REALM SON. *Dr. Phil's face appears glowing in the distance, his eyes are empty sockets and his mouth hangs open*
  • Gamer: What the fuck are you?
  • Dr. Phil: I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • Gamer: You're not Dr. Phil!
  • Dr. Phil: I NEVER SAID I WAS, SON. *a wall of gray human bodies lights up surrounding Dr. Phil's massive head, dr. phil's giant snake body slithers towards the gamer and opens its third eye* I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • *the wall of bodies screams in unison as Dr. Phil devours the gamer*
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays loudly*
  • Dr. Phil: THE NEXT EPISODE IS STARTING. I'M LATE. *slithers into the wall of bodies and his snake body slowly transforms into a normal Dr. Phil's body*
  • Dr. Phil: *crawls onto the stage*
  • Dr. Phil: *dusts himself off* Woo, I went on quite an adventure.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: I'm glad we can all find some time in our lives to laugh, but today's episode is covering something that is most certainly not a laughing matter. It's one of the most serious addictions striking America today and it's rarely talked about. I'm talking about people who love to pee on their mattresses and then pay people exorbitant amounts of money to suck their disgusting mattresses clean.
  • Audience: ... *someone clears their throat*
  • Dr. Phil: What's the matter?
  • Cameraguy: Spsss, Doc. That's not what the episode is about. It's about people with terrible gambling issues.
  • Dr. Phil: Oh, ah, fuck! Cut to commercial!

anonymous asked:

A quick question about the Gryles thing because I'm genuinely curious: I thought the point was that TPTB were so homophobic that they would go to ridiculous lengths to keep H/L closeted, so why would they be ok with Harry being thought to be in a relationship with an older man? Like, why would they literally plant stories about that but closet H/L so viciously that they literally haven't been seen together outside of work engagements for upwards of 5 years and Louis has to fake a baby?

No, it’s been over-simplified in the telling.  They were catering to a presumed homophobic fanbase, their personal opinion about homosexuality is unknown except to the extent that they don’t believe it will “sell” to the target demographic.

But behind the scenes, in industry spaces where Harry & Louis were seen off camera, they both are easily read as gay and together. So what 1DHQ (Modest, Syco, Simon Jones PR) did to combat bts discussion of their relationship is create a diversion. Several diversions in fact.

And the #1 diversion early on is that they told people that work in the industry that Harry was with Nick. They also told people that would see Harry & Louis behaving like a couple that they broke up, hooked up, were on-and-off, casual flings, etc.  Anything to make people doubt that they were in a current, monogamous relationship.

A good friend of mine had dinner with someone from BBC Radio One a few months ago and my friend was flat out told that Nick and Harry used to date. My friend, a major Larrie, was taken aback. Then she asked if the person had ever seen anything proving that, she was told no. Were there any detailed first hand reports of anything, kissing, hand-holding, intimate moments? Nope, none of that. Just chatter around the office.

That 100% backs up what @diggingandfluff was told about what people were told at industry events, that they all got different stories about Harry & Louis and the only way they found out the stories weren’t true is when they compared them and realized that it was inconsistent and didn’t add up.

So to my mind, that’s where the majority of the relentless Gryles shipping came from. People were told by industry sources that they were together. So, annoying as it is/was, it was a “reliable source.”

But when you look at all of the other stories, plus everything we’ve seen and heard since then, you realize that it was a coordinated campaign.

Anyone but Louis.

WHY HAVEN'T I THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE

I crafted a sigil just a minute ago and was trying to think of a discreet place to put it so it wouldn’t attract attention. As I was rummaging through my bag for post-it notes, I found a crushed box of dollar-store band-aids.

And then it hit me!

I used a pen to draw the sigil on the cotton pad, charged it with intent, and put it on a pulse point on my ankle so it would stay charged throughout the day.

Voila! Totally discreet, incredibly cheap.
Now they’re cheap band-aids so they probably wouldn’t be good for anything long-term. But for quick charms it’s great! Plus you could easily incorporate some color magic with different colored bandages, and they have that double meaning of “healing” that you could play with.

I can’t believe I never had this idea before!

3

and you call yourself a spy Natasha

6

Drunk On One Glass Of You

by waytoomanypeopleintheaddisonlee

Chapters: 1/1 (10571 words)

Fandom: One Direction (Band)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

Characters: Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Zayn Malik, Jade Thirlwall, Ziam - Character

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - High School, Football Captain Louis, Art Harry, No Smut, Liberal Amounts Of Swearing, Alcohol, and drunken antics, the ziam is VERY VERY BRIEF and probably not even worth tagging, it’s very brief and only implied, but I thought I’d tag it just in case, ziam

Collections: HL Summer Exchange 2016


Summary:

“I could never have finished this bloody thing without your help.” Harry sighed, brow furrowed, clutching his copy of the yearbook to his chest. “Thank you, Lou. You’re an awesome friend.”

“I can’t believe you’re going on holiday.” Louis said, leaning against the wall of the main school building, looking out over the playground towards the art and science building. “We’re not even getting our last summer together. The five of us, I mean.”

“You’ll have a great time with the boys.” Harry said, slapping Louis on the back before loosely draping an arm around his shoulders. “You don’t want me around, anyway.”

Louis looked at Harry, frowning.

“I want you around the most.”


A High School AU where Louis is the captain of the football team, Harry’s the art geek in charge of the yearbook, and they are NOT a couple, even if Zayn tells everyone they are.

azriel’s shadows

“It was almost enough to distract me from noticing Azriel as those shadows lightened, and his gaze slid over Mor’s body: a red, flowing gown of chiffon accented with gold cuffs, and combs fashioned like gilded leaves swept back the waves of her unbound hair.
A wisp of shadow curled around Azriel’s ear, and his eyes snapped to mine. I schooled my face into bland innocence.”

Thinking about Az because of having Thoughts with @squaddreamcourt and found this… I love Azriel’s shadows. I’m so fascinated by them. And I love moriel. And Mor. And I want to know better how they work. The shadows, that is. I know there have been some posts on this, but I’m just… going off on my own thing here. Because I searched my book for “shadows” after I decided to talk about this quote, and they are everywhere.

It was Rhys who suggested that the shadows came to Az when he was locked away:

“There was an icy rage in Azriel I had never been able to thaw. In the centuries I’d known him, he’d said little about his life, those years in his father’s keep, locked in darkness. Perhaps the shadowsinger gift had come to him then, perhaps he’d taught himself the language of shadow and wind and stone.”

It is interesting to me that Rhys wouldn’t understand where they came from (at least with 100% certainty). Is this a thing that just… happens to people? When they go through trauma? 

And also this:

“Yes—Azriel, who kept a step away, whose shadows trailed him and seemed to fade in her presence.

If his shadows came to him when he was in such a dark place… and they fade away around Mor… tbh I’m dead? Like maybe they will… disappear when he is finally FREAKING HAPPY WITH HER? Or… maybe it has something to do with her power?

(And them disappearing is not necessarily a bad thing - I also have a lot of Problems with the work he does for Rhys - honestly he’s the last person who should be torturing people, and I really think that Rhys is taking advantage of him in the sense that Az would never tell him he is uncomfortable or doesn’t want to do that work. Clearly, he throws himself into it. But he shouldn’t? And who is going to stop him? Mor tries, we’ve seen, to at least get him to take a break.)

Anyway, I’m just having some Half-Developed Thoughts while I grade, so… do with all of that what you will. Don’t take them too seriously.

2

i’m back from nashville!!! it was a super great and super exhausting weekend;;; i didn’t step away from the table except when i was convinced to when swain was signing on sunday lol

that’s what the little comic is from–if you watched the SNS stageit, you’ll see that there were like, 2 times that rob just blatantly stopped playing and went to the left side of the pits and i thought he was just…………….excited about the dance pits……………but……….i could only be so lucky that that was the case

[stares deeply into the void]

second there is the view of the Vendor Room Jam from where i was! excellent promo team if u ask me

but yeah! i got the chance to meet so many of you guys, and it really brightened the start of this year. being in isolation sucks, but you all really help remind me that there’s a huge support system out there that keeps me company :’)

7

I’m back from hell a week of exams, so I finally finished those ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و There are some more in my inbox but they’re pretty much [character] + one expression over and over, so this will probably be the last batch for now (though I want to finish the rest of them when I’m bored or have some free time) oh and one more thing

THE REQUESTS HAVE BEEN CLOSED FOR A FEW WEEKS NOW

I thought that fact was pretty clear after I made that one post, but I’m STILL getting requests, so I’m just reminding you I haven’t been accepting them for some time now

X-Files themed asks!
  1. Season 1 MSR or season 9 MSR? 
  2. David Duchovny or Fox Mulder? 
  3. Gillian Anderson or Dana Scully? 
  4. Maggie Scully or Melissa Scully? 
  5. 1993 David or 2017 David?
  6. 1993 Gillian or 2017 Gillian?
  7. Mulder or Scully?
  8. David or Gillian?
  9. The Lone Gunmen or Walter Skinner?
  10. Who is your favorite character aside from Mulder and Scully?
  11. Do you have any X-Files ships aside from MSR?
  12. Reyes or Doggett?
  13. Favorite season(s)? Why?
  14. Favorite episode(s)? Why?
  15. Favorite MSR moments?
  16. Favorite character developments for Scully?
  17. Favorite character developments for Mulder?
  18. Favorite character developments for Skinner?
  19. Favorite character developments for Doggett?
  20. Favorite character developments for Reyes?
  21. Spender or Krycek?
  22. How do you feel about that bitch Alex Krycek?
  23. Which broke your heart more: Emily arc or William arc?
  24. List some college MSR headcanons!
  25. List some season 1 MSR headcanons
  26. List some season 7 MSR headcanons
  27. List some season 9 MSR headcanons
  28. IWTB or FTF? Why?
  29. How did you feel about IWTB?
  30. How did you feel about FTF?
  31. Favorite thing(s) / moment(s) from FTF?
  32. Favorite thing(s) / moment(s) from IWTB?
  33. Favorite season finale?
  34. Scruffy Mulder or clean shaven Mulder?
  35. Give us your MSR sexy time headcanons
  36. Do you read fics? If so, what’s your favorite kind to read?
  37. Do you have any fic recs?
  38. When do you think Mulder and Scully first slept together? What was it like?
  39. When do you think Mulder and Scully first started dating?
  40. How do you feel about the direction Chris Carter takes as the series progresses?
  41. What’s your ultimate MSR song/playlist?
  42. A song you think embodies Fox Mulder?
  43. A song you think embodies Dana Scully?
  44. When did you first start watching The X-Files?
  45. Why did you first start watching The X-Files?
  46. What are your thoughts about extraterrestrial life?
  47. IRL space: NASA or SpaceX?
  48. Favorite character crossover headcanons?
  49. If you’re an X-Files blog, if your username related to the show? If so, why did you choose it?
  50. Any X-File blogs you would recommend?
Imagine your OTP- Things I've said to my SO
  • "Why the fuck are there three different rolls of paper towels??"
  • "Do we need lessons on how ziplock bags work?"
  • "Taking off my clothes takes effort. I'm sleeping on the futon."
  • "At what point if any did it cross your mind that this might be a bad idea?"
  • "TECHNOLOGY HATES ME OH MY GOD I KILLED THE MICROWAVE."
  • "Wake me up if you want something!! Seriously! Sleepy sex is awesome!"
  • "Please kill it. Preferably with fire."
  • "See, this is why we're together. No one else could handle our terrible puns."
  • "YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO STAB YOURSELF OPENING YOUR ANNIVERSARY GIFT GO TO THE HOSPITAL."
  • "I love you. but I swear to you if you keep leaving lunch containers in the sink without putting soapy water in them I will kill you slowly."
  • "Dude, we're old... your brother just left with a 24-pack of bud ready to party, and we're sitting in front of the TV with Netflix and fancy cheese."
  • "These potatoes in the fridge are starting to flower... can I toss them?"
  • "Sleep is for those that haven't been struck with inspiration."
  • "I'll sleep when I'm dead."
  • "Sweetie, I appreciate the thought, but I meant A 50c PACKAGE of reeses, I didn't need the whole candy aisle."
  • "Goddamn it why are you so sweet."
  • "I just got out from babysitting and I am having my tubes tied immediately."
  • "I AM NOT CUTE GODDAMN IT I AM INTIMIDATING."
  • "Let me rephrase, I'm getting mongolian. if you'd like, you can come along, but if not, that's cool too. but I want mongolian."
  • "You bought WHAT for HOW MUCH?"
  • "I love your mother, but I almost reached across the table and wrapped my hands around her throat."
  • "Why do we even NEED more bass?"
  • "SCIENCE MOTHERFUCKER"
  • "You may want to hide the alcohol because I may die from how much and how badly I want to drink right now."
  • "Aaaack that freaks me out when you do that!!"
  • "Everything hurts and I'm dying, but I'm not pregnant this month so that's nice."
  • "STOP TICKLING ME YOU ASSHOLE I WILL NIPPLE PINCH YOU"
Q: Why did you guys choose to go to Seidou high school?

Sawamura: It’s was to play baseball with Miyuki Kazuya, of course!!!

Furuya: *sleepy* I found out that Miyuki-senpai goes to Seidou when reading a newspaper about him.

Okumura: …Why should i tell you?

I’ve seen a lot of people jaded with Legends about how they brought Snart back, and don’t get me wrong, I don’t disagree.

But I’ve been thinking on it since watching the finale.

When we meet Len (this Len) he’s harsh, bitter, nothing of the heartily developed character we’ve been granted from the beginning of his dance with the Flash. But he has the Cold Gun. 

Confirmed in the finale when Mick takes him back to 2014, Eobard must have recruited Len just after his first encounter with Flash. I.e. After he’s derailed that god damn train, but before he reconnects with Mick.

Now, is that a coincidence?

That 2017 Mick drops Len off in 2014 and wipes his memory, and the next thing Len does canonically is find his estranged partner? Perhaps. But I like to imagine that Len’s time with the legion and with Mick more specifically, although removed from his memory, left behind a trace. A feeling. Reminded him what it was like to work and live with his partner, reminded him how much he missed him.

Because at this point in canon, Mick and Len have gone their separate ways since Mick’s incident and burns.

This also explains why (2014)Len was so openly hostile and harsh toward Mick in their moments alone together. This Len still bears all that negativity from their split, all that anger at Mick for losing control and letting the fire be more important than the job or their partnership. And also all that anger at himself.

Because this Mick, 2017 Mick, has rekindled, strengthened (and then lost) his relationship with his Snart. This Mick chooses Snart without a second thought, does as he’s told like an obedient puppy, and looks at Len like he’s made of gold dust - so precious, but like he could be lost to the wind at any second. ]

And Len hates it. He hates that this Mick has, or had, everything he himself lost. He hates himself that he let what they had go. He hates Mick for making him feel… well. Anything at all. Because he’s spent so long distancing himself from his partner - his partner who has stood by him for three decades.

Dropped back in his own timeline and memory wiped, Snart’s anger still bubbles. But he has a new target, now, a fun one. The Flash hasn’t seen the worst of him yet, and Snart can’t wait to show him. Only this time, he won’t be alone.