why have i spend so much time posting about this

There is currently a content creator blackout in my fandom, and seeing all those posts about art theft brought back some memories.

(Go and read @hchano​‘s brilliant post, by the way. I’d have replied to it but then my reply turned into a novella.)

The art theft stories resonate with me, you have no idea.

You know, if someone was to check my ‘rules’ pages right now, they’d see this:

I don’t care about reposts, don’t worry if you spot my drawings somewhere else

Now, it might look like I’m super chill about this. That I’m not 'whining’ like those artists who 'care too much, it’s just drawings’.

The truth is I don’t care because I haven’t posted an artwork I gave a fuck about since 2011. I do not want to bother with that. It’s thankless. It’s an endless source of stress and discouragement. Why would I spend effort and time when I know the end result is that I’ll be - for lack of a better term - pissed on by entitled jackasses and by thieves?

Story time.

I used to run a flash minigames website. It didn’t have much content, since I had to draw it all myself, and figure out how actionscript worked, and so on. Still, I put ads on that website, and not only did it pay for itself, it brought me a tiny bit of income too! For my own content that I had made myself, just imagine! I planned to make that little site grow and grow until it could support me and drag me out of the hell that is unemployment.

It’d see cute stories on Stumbleupon by parents who said their toddler had loved the games. That made me super happy. It was real nice for a while.

And then I got an email from a girl in Israel telling me she had seen my art sold as coloring books in her area.

That was a blow.

I mean, I’m literally an artist by trade. I have a diploma to prove it and all. I’d have loved to get paid for my art, seeing how I couldn’t fucking find a job using those skills that were apparently good enough for commercial use.

But I kept the site up for a little while, as well as my profiles on art websites, though I barely updated them. I’d ignore the thieves that sold IMVU stuff with my art on it. I’d pay no mind to the brats who sold it on Gaia Online, because it was just virtual coin. I tried to ignore the fact that some of my stuff got popular under someone else’s name.

Just drawings, right?

Anyway, my flash games could be stolen. Actually, in the general sense, it was pretty much the goal. There was my website’s logo on them, a direct link. Having them redistributed meant traffic coming back to my site, and advertising income for me.

Can you see where this is going?

Back then, there was a flash game monetization network, called MochiAds. It was cool. It allowed you to insert ads into your games, and a great many flash games websites would import MochiAds’ feed, which made for a fast and widespread distribution of the games. It was a neat service.

Except someone decompiled my games, replaced my logo by theirs, inserted ads inside them and published them as their own.

Within hours, you could google the new names the thief had given to my games, and get 500.0000 results. Accounting for all of my games, that made for millions of reposts, all of them defaced, linking to the thief’s website, monetized by them.

Of course, MochiMedia responded quickly when I reported the theft, but their disabling the ads on those games didn’t remove them from the thousands of independent websites they were posted on.

I never made another flash game.

As a matter of fact, I no longer draw.

I was never in it just for the fun. I wanted the rewards. I wanted to make art my full-time job. Hell, I went to school for that. I wanted the compensation for my effort and time. I wanted my website to grow from the 'sustains itself’ to 'sustains me’ size.

And then I realized that people could snap their fingers and steal it all. Make me look like I had plagiarized my own work. Bury me in stolen content.

I learned that, on the internet, there was no point giving your heart and soul to something you can’t nail in place.

And, more than anything, I learned to hate drawing.

But, hey! Look at the bright side! Now that I gave up on drawing, nobody will steal my art anymore!

Isn’t that great? :)

Thank you everyone for helping me reach the 300 followers milestone! As a gift, I’d like to present you with some of my tips :)

Recently, I met a group of very motivational people, and they gave me tips on how I could manage my time better. I obviously took notes and thanked them so much because it definitely helped me out a lot.

Note: These tips won’t apply to all people as it is mostly focused on junior students (I’m a junior, so it might not be as helpful for the students in uni/college??)

It is a common thing for all students to have struggles with organising their time (especially me– why am I giving tips; wtf??), so I present to you: how to sort out your time!! 

What I’m going to cover:

  • Finding time to do work
  • How you can beat procrastination
  • Homework
  • Revision
  • Assignments + Exams

Be prepared, because this is an immense post. *Looks down* Yeah, it seems like I’m about to jump down a cliff made of tips. 

Keep reading

I woke up thinking about Clexa Con this morning and fandom. And I couldn’t go back to sleep because that’s what happens when something worms into my thoughts and bothers me. Then it sits there and bugs me more until I say something about it. Because that’s how frustrating my head is. That’s why I never shut up. Anyway, it’s so funny to me… having this thing happening in a few weeks and not being there. It’s eye opening to me watching people promote it and hype it and give it praise knowing that they previously talked about how wrong it was, knowing that they know I was wronged and think I was wronged. It’s frustrating to watch fans who hold everyone to excessively high moral standards support the con, even when they previously didn’t, because they’re getting to meet the actors they want. It’s enlightening to see the people who yell at members of their own community constantly for “selling out” quickly shut up and lose that righteousness when they’ll get to talk to an actor. It’s reminded me what the community actually prioritizes. The promise of an interview, the chance to look at an actor, the words of straight “allies” over our own people, This has thematically been the tone of this thing since its conception and that’s not just with me. I mean that with the people they originally invited, the way it was first supposed to be a space for fandom and has now become a space for meeting celebrities, the way panels about diversity and representation are slowly being removed from their line up and queer performers not being paid anything to attend not even accommodations up while more money gets spent on sending already wealthy straight celebrities who don’t need it.

And the thing is, I get it. I get why it’s valuable. I get why it’s happening. If I were invited to go tomorrow, I would go. To be there and support people and help to give more kids in queer fandom what they need. I get why the people who have chosen to go are going. But I find how quickly everyone stopped talking about it alarming. I find how quickly everyone shut up about the problems to be telling in terms of what we really value as a community. I remember sitting at dinner after season one of The 100 aired, telling a couple of The 100 writers how much we wanted more queer rep, and being really fucking nervous that they were going to think I was an ass hole for saying that and for the conversation we had. I remember getting a phone call and finding out months later what they were going to do. I remember going to set and being introduced to Alycia in costume and boiling over with excitement because I knew what it was going to mean to all of you. I think that’s where so much of the frustration comes from in not being able to share this with the people there. I think it’s why it disappoints me that we’re not using the con to talk more about gender diversity, about diversity in fandom, about the representation we still need, to uplift even more queer artists in fandom financially. I’ve heard from multiple people how sorry the con is for how they handled things with me but I haven’t actually seen it, and they haven’t actually made good on it so I can only assume that’s just words. 

But I guess we’re at is where we’re at. I am not even sure what this post is. All my emotions regarding this convention are fairly wishy washy and messy. And as I said, I’d still go. So I know why people are still going. I’m not condemning anyone for that. I guess I”m frustrated by how much we aren’t talking about the problems within ourselves. We spend so much time critiquing others, icing out any person who disagrees, aggressively and righteously demanding that other queer folks have “sold out” if they dare to do something that benefits their career or reputation, but we’re not better. None of us are better. You all sell out for the things you want too. And we should. You should occasionally just let things slide and get the happiness out of something that you want. I just hope that’s something we all start to see. I hope we all try to look more at the nuances here, at our own problems and our own flaws and begin to better hold the problems and flaws of others, and begin to better talk about how we can make our community stronger and better in the future. I hope that the con is all the fun for the people who get to go as it could have been for those of us who don’t or don’t feel comfortable anymore. I hope everyone gets to have their good time and gets a laugh and a chance to meet the people they want to meet, be they celebrities or fellow fans from around the world. I hope we do better tomorrow. 

sims!d*s/ladybug camping trip

so my sims 4 screenshots have been piling up forever, so i’m just gonna drop the camping trip even tho it’s way off from where i last posted

also because these have been sitting on my hard drive since last year:

…and i’d like to get rid of them lmao.

Things to know:

  • Vix and Kou are married, and they have 3 kids: Nolan [teen] and Shiori [child, named for kou’s sis] who came with, and Olivia [nearly young adult] who stayed home cos there wasn’t room on the lot for her lmao. 
  • Adrien and Marinette are dating. They do not know about each other’s identities.
  • Adrien and Kou are best friends, and Shiori has a little girl crush on Adrien. [it was stupidly cute, she would seek him out anytime the fams hung out together lol]
  • Vix and Nino are work buddies [via their musical careers].
  • Nino and Alya are still only close friends but there’s UST 8D

anyway, prepare for action and adventure, drama and danger, love and betrayal lol…and just. lots and lots and lots of pictures under the cut.

Keep reading


hey y’all! hope you’ve all been well!! 

there are so many of you now, holy cow. hello hello and welcome! i sincerely apologize for my lack of personal posts lately – this summer has been a bit of a doozy for me, to be entirely honest. motivation and inspiration has been scarce, but i’ve been spending a lot of time with my bullet journal lately, which truly has been helping heaps.

this is a collection of more recent pages! i’ve gotten a better handle on how i put this thing together; looking at my first couple pages is a little cringe-inducing. the photo on the bottom is my most recent spread, which is why only the left side is full. 

i’ll probably go ahead and post that bullet journal system post tonight – it’s not much of a system, but i know y’all have been all over me about posting it, so it’s finally en route! 

i love the things that matt’s absurdly perfectly timed nat20s for allura make 100% probable

kima sitting on allura’s lap looking up at her starry-eyed as allura drinks an entire tavern under the table (kima would participate, but watching allura is almost more fun)

allura lifting kima up n pinning her against a wall so they can make out without her having to bend down ridiculously much (seriously fandom where are my creative wall!sex fics)

kima returning from some adventure at like six ayem and waking allura up by jumping onto their bed in full armour and allura just being like ‘….why.’ but trying to cuddle her anyway (this definitely happened after they got back to whitestone post-thordak)

allura giving kima piggyback rides for the last like hour or so of a long day of adventuring while kima kicks her feet and whines about seriously allie i CAN walk on my own (she spends the entire time braiding bits of weird things into allura’s hair and allura’s like … yes i did in fact bring this on myself)

competitions to see who can bench-press the other the most times (allura is … not terrible. kima wins. allura pretends to sulk. kima makes it up to her in bed.)

I’m always a little surprised when I see someone who absolutely loves Cullen (as a character) but despises Samson. Just because of how they’re quite deliberately set up to show two ways both of their stories could have gone, and how much of what has happened and where they ended up was out of their control.

When Cullen say he could have been one of the Red Templars, the same thing goes for Samson, he could have been in Cullen’s position by da:i. Their roles could have easily been reversed.

I also don’t believe either Cullen or Samson is morally superior (or inferior) to the other and the only thing that makes Cullen more likeable - though obviously not to everyone - is how much time we get to spend with him. So that’s kinda why I’m confused about people who hate Samson but do like Cullen.

Not saying it’s wrong of course, just surprised, though feel free to add to this post if you think I’m missing the obvious.

Detailed SNK Ship Analysis: Aruani (ArminxAnnie)

This is the first part in a series of very detailed SNK ship analysis. In this, I will explore the ArminxAnnie (Aruani) pairing, the canon moments between them, how they feel about each other and present evidence to support all these points I make. Essentially, this will be an in-depth look at various facets to Aruani because, believe it or not, this is a very strong ship with a lot of previous interaction and future potentiality, depending on how upcoming events in the manga play out.

I know it is a common theory that Annie is dead in the crystal, but the fact is, we have no reason to think that is the truth. Ymir survived for eighty years in her Titan without food and air. For all we know, Annie is in a coma that shuts off her needs to breathe and eat. So, the fact she may be dead doesn’t reduce that ship’s potential in my eyes, because we don’t know if she’s dead or not. Now, Aruani is nowhere near “officially” canon and may not have have the greatest outlook for the future, but the potential is definitely there, and it can’t be ignored.

Also, just a note: I am disregarding the second OVA in this analysis. It was entirely filler, and none of it was canon. Annie and Armin had some cute moments, but I can’t consider them for this post.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Do you know what I don't understand? Larries who don't like Harry (anymore) but are obsessed with him. You don't have to like him but why do you talk about him all the time? Whenever someone mentions him they start yelling that not everything is about him and this is Louis' time etcetera. But then you look at their posts or tags and most of them mention Harry. Why spend so much time on someone that you can't stand?

I don’t get it either they’re as bad as antis tbh like.. They should really find something more productive to do than complain about what Harry is/isn’t doing.

moebiusbackbone  asked:

oh man good luck with the tv series it's so agonizing and I spent the whole first season wishing for a better animated version before giving up

HHHHHHHH that is pretty much how I feel about it right now!!!! I’ve been watching while I work on sewing a thing so I can LOOK AWAY during the cringeworthy parts but it. I just.


for starters: I 100% agree that animated is the way to go. You can have the characters portrayed as their actual ages (children), no worries about the actors aging during fimling, you don’t have to blow your entire budget on cgi morphing effects, no need to hire TRAINED LIONS to jump around a set–it just makes more sense. You’re not limited to sets, you can animate anywhere in the world–in the universe!

And do you know who I think would be perfect to take this on???? 


Now–If you’ve never watched any of their animated shows, dear reader, you might be confused! I’m not talking about DC comics live action films, where they’re pumping out gritty emo batman movies and taking the most optimistic heroes like superman and trying to make them ‘dark’ and angsty. 

I’m talking about the crews who did Teen Titans!!! Young Justice!!!!!!! The animated Green Lanturn series!!!!!!!!!! if you’ve never seen these PLEASE please do yourself a favor and watch them (I highly recommend Young Justice) because they do what the live actions failed: they show the real, dark sides of the characters and their struggles as well as the optimism and hope they keep despite it. They’re shows that are being produced for young viewers but are still gripping and entertaining for adults, and they OFTEN feature children or young adults as the main cast. They don’t shy away from showing violence, like other companies, because they’ve been doing it for so long. As well as a precedent for complex female characters, pov switching from episode to episode, and character growth for everyone!! 

like as much as the broadcasting studios and the organization can suck the scripts and voice actors put so much heart into these things and just. gosh. they’re gems. I think if anyone was gonna be able to pull it off, it’d be DC at this point.

Child superheroes is BASICALLY THEIR THEME AND MARKET ALREADY!!!! They have the time slots, the advertising–it’s all already figured out!!! the fanbase is there. the fanbase is WAITING. it would be a hit.

There’s an excellent post by @perianfrost​ about this too here, about how each book would condense nicely into a 23 minute episode. Throw in an associated 90 minute movie each season for megamorphs, hork bajir/andalite chronicles–an excellent idea. DC already often do animated movies, sometimes associated with shows/sometimes not, their run of batman movies are AMAZING and reflect batman SO MUCH BETTER as a character than the live actions did. Hell, they’re better than the actual comics half the time.

I think each season could be around 20 episodes instead of 10, which would give you 2-3 seasons depending on how many filler books you cut out of the lineup (a lot of the ghostwritten ones aren’t super necessary to overall plot, so you could either condense the series or stretch it a bit). Having a relatively small number of seasons I think would increase chances for funding, and would make it less likely to be cancelled only halfway through (can you tell I’m bitter about Young Justice???? yeah). 

Here’s examples of the art style I would like to see it as:

Not TOO cartoony, with realistically proportioned figures, with a simple yet dynamic style. Every now and then with beautiful shots of different landscapes or scenery. 

And honestly?? This is the time for a reboot. Animated shows are a HIT right now. Gravity Falls, Stephen Universe, Adventure Time–it’s all been SUPER popular. You’re also hitting the current young crowd as well as the 20-year-olds who grew up with them, probably the second biggest demographic for kids shows.

It’s just. It’d be perfect. I want it so bad. Someone pay me to write all the scripts for them and I’ll drop everything else it just has so much potential.

CalFreezy: Interruptions

Requested: by @mintmendes fluffy calfreezy imagine about  a lazy day with him and your brother (josh or harry) and your brother makes it awkward

Warnings: Not any!

A/N: Finally I am back! If you didn't read my previous post, it explains why I haven't posted anything in ages. I made it as Harry’s your brother, seeing as I wrote about Josh being your brother before. I kinda liked writing this! Enjoy x

Cal messaged you saying to come round his flat to spend time together, seeing as both of you have been rather busy. Of course you said yes as you missed him very much. 

“Y/N!” Cal greeted you, picking you up and twirling you around making you squeal in surprise. “I’ve missed you so much.” He said, stopping spinning and kissed you.

“I’ve missed you too Cal.” You admitted, pulling away making your boyfriend pout. “So what are we going to do?” You asked once back on the floor, taking off your shoes and putting them by the door.

“I could think of a few things.” Cal smirked, making you roll your eyes playfully and shaking your head.

“Yeah, I know you could. Can we just cuddle on the sofa and watch a movie or something?” You questioned, walking over to the sofa and sitting down. “Come on then.” You said, patting the spot next to you.


You and Cal were in the middle of watching some random comedy movie, cuddling with each other, when your brother decided to walk in.

“Aw look at the two love birds.” Harry cooed, ruffling up your hair and sitting down next to you. “So what movie is this?” He questioned.

“Uh, Harry?” Cal asked.

“Yeah?” Harry replied, not taking his eyes off the screen.

“Fuck off.” He bluntly said.

“No, this is my flat too you know. I can go wherever I like.” Harry smugly replied.

“It’s all right babe, let him be.” You said, kissing his cheek.

“Why? All I want is to spend time with you without any interruptions.” Cal whined, putting his head into your neck.

“I’m not interrupting you guys, right Y/N?” Harry asked.

“Well…” You said.

“Harry, just go.” Cal demanded, getting irritated at your brother.

“Make me.” Harry challenged.

“You asked for it!” Cal shouted, grabbing a pillow and whacking Harry with it, chasing him out of the room.

Moments later, Cal returned and sat next to you on the sofa.

“Where’s Haz?” You asked, turning around to look at your boyfriend.

“Let’s just say he won’t interrupt us any more.”

As a Harry fan I really do not understand why some harries feel so threatened when Louis, Liam or Niall do anything? Like just because they have their own careers it doesn’t mean that Harry’s career or achievements are less important. Why do you even have to mention the others? Why make posts about how you only care about Harry. If that’s the case then why spend so much time reminding everyone that you don’t care about Liam, Niall or Louis? Just ignore them? Don’t post about their careers? Nobody is asking you to be a Niall, Liam or Louis blogger, if you don’t want to talk about them then don’t. I do not understand why you have to keep posting about how their songs aren’t your cup of tea, how you don’t care about their interviews or how “Harry is better”. I love Harry but damn, it’s just not needed or wanted by anybody.

anonymous asked:

Wanna make a counter argument post about Rosy's latest post on how Clexa was wrong and not endgame had Lexa not die? You don't even need to quote her or anything, but a post counteracting every "argument" she gave about how Clarke and Lexa weren't good for each other would be so nice, after having had to sit through reading her post ..? When you have time :)

I still don’t understand why someone who hates Lexa so much and thinks she was irrelevant to the show spends so much time talking about her. Anyway, I’ll have to quote some parts and I’ll try not to make this too long. First thing first, it WAS queer baiting. So many words have already been spent on this, and there is nothing that I could possibly add that hasn’t been said already. I suggest reading THIS especially. Now on to the actual thing.

Lexa was Clarke’s enemy? Yes. In season 1 -when her character was behind the scenes- and in the first part of season 2. From 2.09 they become allies. Skaikru and Trikru. Reluctant allies, but still allies. Lexa’s last antagonistic action in the show is the betrayal at Mt. Weather. After that, everything she does is to regain Clarke’s trust and work towards peace, both for her people and for Skaikru. And she actually succeeds. She and Clarke achieve peace at the end of 3.04, and that’s when the Arkers create a new conflict. 

These two scenes happen in direct sequence, one right after the other. It’s not a coincidence. Clarke thinks the war is finally over, but Pike’s group has just started another. They are the new antagonists, not Lexa. There are 3 main conflicts that stand in Clarke’s way in season 3, caused respectively by: 

  1. The Ice Nation, from 3.01 to the end of 3.04 
  2. Pike and his supporters (that includes Bellamy), from the end of 3x04 to 3x10
  3. ALIE, from 3x10 to the end of the season (as an active villain). 

Lexa is present in the first part of the season and not as an enemy. There is conflict between her and Clarke initially, but it is of emotional kind. She helps Clarke defeat the first antagonist of the season, the Ice Nation (which reappears in 3.09 with Ontari after Lexa’s death, after Clarke’s ally is gone). She works with Clarke to try to find a way to protect Clarke’s people from the second enemy, Pike and his dictatorship. They are on the same side in this conflict. And even when Clarke decides that she cannot stay in Polis during such a critical moment, their goal remains the same. They are together. So Lexa an enemy in season 3? Try again.

Then. One can argue that Lexa used Clarke and the Sky People for her goals on two occasions: Mt. Weather, and having Clarke bow to her as Wanheda. However, this would be a very shallow view of Lexa’s character. Lexa didn’t take advantage of Clarke and the Sky People and then decided to drop them when it was more convenient to her, it has been said a thousand times over. She was fighting side by side with the Sky People. She charged head first into battle against the Mountain Men (armed with guns) to give Clarke the time to open the door. Why did she take the deal? For her people, to save as many lives as she could. During the Mt Weather scene, we are treated to numerous shots of the grounders being gunned down by the Mt Weather. The grounders had the numbers but not the weapons. They would have been decimated. They would have probably even lost. Has anyone ever seen The Last Samurai?

This would have happened to the grounders. And still, Lexa was fighting alongside the Sky People, despite knowing how many lives would that fight cost. Until she received the deal. 48 against thousands. And she took it. She made a strategic choice. She didn’t plan on doing it beforehand.

Clarke (Wanheda) bowing to her? It is true that it would indeed reinforce Lexa’s position as commander, but is that the only reason Lexa is asking Clarke to do this? No. Clarke is being hunted by the Ice Nation. Queen Nia wants to kill her to appear stronger than Lexa and gain power. If she were to overthrow Lexa the Coalition and the peace Lexa has worked for her entire life would only be a memory. Not to mention that Clarke would be dead. There is so much at stake here. The Sky People would be wiped out without a second thought. Having them join the Coalition instead allows Lexa to protect them (and Clarke). And still, when she realizes how deeply hurt Clarke is, she is willing to put everything at risk, her position as Commander, her own life, to make Clarke’s pain stop. And it’s Clarke that eventually chooses to bow as Wanheda, because she understands that it’s the best strategy. There is no desire for dominance over Clarke from Lexa’s part here, no desire to humiliate. But she is oh so evil, right?

“Lexa was never going to consider the sky people her own people, just like she never really considered the Azgeda to be her people. And just like she would have turned around and tried to destroy MW after making that alliance with them.” Okay but it’s a completely different thing? First of all, the Mountain Men were never Grounder’s allies, they were their greatest enemies. Kidnapping and torturing and killing Lexa’s people for decades. Second of all, Azgeda is part of Lexa’s coalition. She made them become her people, despite her own feelings. One woman, Nia, took the person Lexa loved the most away from her, she tortured her and killed her and desecrated her body. Was all Nia’s people responsible for this? No. Are the Coalition and the dream of peace more important than revenge to Lexa? Yes. 

So she allowed them into her alliance. She had a personal feud with Azgeda, that was still put aside for the sake of the Coalition. Do you want to say Lexa treated Azgeda differently because she arrested the delegation? She did because they committed an act of war against the Coalition. Until 3.03 we only saw the Sky People and the Grounders working together as reluctant allies. Former enemies teaming up for a common goal. But in 3.03 Skaikru becomes part of Lexa’s Coalition. And Lexa immediately works to bring justice to them after the Ice Nation’s attack to Mt. Weather. A clan committed a crime against another clan. And Lexa makes the Ice Nation answer for their crimes. With the minimal amount of bloodshed. The true responsible -Nia- dies, and Lexa pardons the other Ambassadors. Much like she was going to do with Pike and Skaikru after the massacre.

“The ONLY way for Clarke and Lexa to be together was if all her people died. If she was alone and destroyed.” Hahahahahaha. Clarke’s people were never a problem to her and Lexa being together. Lexa has been shown to canonically respect our “main” Skaikru. Kane, Abby, even Bellamy before he took part in the massacre. No, the only thing standing in the way was Pike and his dictatorship. And DESPITE THAT, Clarke wanted to stay with Lexa. 

Clarke fees she has a responsibility to her people. So, even if her heart is still with Lexa and she wants to stay, she chooses to go back with Octavia to help, because she isn’t one to abandon her people, that’s true. But once the problem was solved, there would have been no hindrance to Clarke and Lexa being together. Not to mention that it’s canon that Clarke wasn’t sure about Arkadia being her home anymore. She would most likely have gone back to Polis. And being in Polis doesn’t mean that she was never going to see her family and friends again. If we’re talking in a practical way, Arkadia is only hours away from Polis. Clarke could have gone back whenever she wanted, and Skaikru could have come to Polis with no trouble. Both for political reasons (if she’d maintained her position as ambassador) and for personal ones. Literally the majority of Lexa’s storyline in season 3 was about her trying to help Clarke keep her people alive so it makes no sense to say that they would have been together only if all Clarke’s people had died.

“Lexa thought anything that threatened her power was a threat to her people. Clarke was powerful. As a leader of the sky people and for herself. Sooner or later, Lexa would have felt threatened by Clarke’s power and she would have tried to control her and disempower her. This is in fact what happened in Polis.” When exactly did this happen in Polis again? Lexa has always recognized Clarke’s worth, her strength, her power. From the moment they met, even from before. Is it because Clarke bowed to her? A) Clarke chose to, it was all in her hands. B) You want to see that as Lexa disempowering her? She gave Clarke all the power back by bowing to her. She did even more, since Clarke’s gesture was a staged political act, while Lexa’s gesture is honest and personal. They are equal. And she proves it time and time again, listening to Clarke, trusting her, and yet calling her out when it’s needed (Emerson).

And last thing, because I don’t want to make this longer than it already is… Clarke out of character in 3a? I think you misspelled 3B, where she did nothing but apologizing and apologizing and apologizing and couldn’t grieve or deal with her pain because she had to be everyone’s punching bag.

pellaaearien replied to your post: pellaaearien replied to your post: …

I’ve never understood where all these people’s energy comes from. I barely have enough time to spend on the things I enjoy, much less waste it harping on things that make me upset.

Exactly! People were commenting on the post about the doctor who series 2 blu ray steelbook and saying how they hated the series and hate 10 and hate rose and blah blah blah, and it’s like… That series aired 11 years ago. Why are you still so angry about it? Why don’t you just move on and not comment on the post if you’re not going to buy the DVD? There are things I don’t like from 11 years ago but I don’t still rant about them on social media…

It just baffles me why people would want to waste their time and energy telling people how much they hate something when they could, you know, use that time to do something they actually enjoy.
Straight by “Default” (or, “No, your straight interpretation of a character isn’t any more valid than my queer one”)

So it’s been a while that I have felt so completely just shut down in a debate about comics.  I guess I spend way too much time on Tumblr, but when I dared post something alluding to Steve Roger’s bisexuality on Facebook, man did I awaken the Beast.

Here’s the thing.  “Tim” is a good guy.  He’s super cool, and I miss him, a lot, as he lives far away.  But I was just shocked that someone who usually so respects my opinions and views on thing how quickly my interpretations into Captain America were dismissed. 

Why are “fangirls’,” especially queer fangirls’, opinion on things so irrelevant to CisHet Fanboys?  In the course of the discussion, which I’ll get to below, he basically implies that he knows more about Captain America than I do - which isn’t to say he DOESN’T - I mean, he might.  But why just the assumption that he knows more?  Because he’s a guy?  He said that he felt he could “offer some insight” in this discussion about Captain America because “he has almost an obsession” with Cap.

That’s nice, Tim.  But did it EVER occur to you that I, also, have a “treasure trove” of knowledge about my favorite character, too?  Why did he assume I didn’t have my own “treasure trove” of Cap comics at my disposal?  We’ve never discussed comics before - he has NO IDEA the breadth and knowledge I have about any comics… I was just taken aback that the “Man” obviously knew more than the “girl” who was babbling on about this icon of Americana.

Anyway, here’s the conversation below… opinions?  Again, the conversation started about me mentioning I interpret Cap as bisexual, and that that’s NOT the same as thinking he’s gay.

Tim: It’s like the whole “who would win” argument that goes on all the time. It all depends on the writer. They always lend a bit of the way they see the characters they’re writing at the time. Take for example the run of Cap after 9/11. It was a very raw version of Cap. The writer took him in a direction that fit the mindset of many Americans at the time fighting Muslim terrorists. In that run he had flings with at least three women that I can think of off the top of my head (Scarlet Witch, Namorita and I believe Agent Carter). In two of these cases in particular he would have stayed with them had they not moved on by their own choice.

As far as the situation between he and Falcon in the movie, their meeting was playful but in a friendly brotherly kind of way. They weren’t necessarily checking out the car when Widow pulled up to get Cap.

Me:  Yeah but they weren’t necessarily checking out Natasha by that same argument.  Maybe Sam is bisexual, too.  Or, you know, some people are just so how it kind of transcends sexuality: like ScarJo.

But for real - Marvel doesn’t hide who they consider the better writers/helmsmen for certain characters.  Ed Brubaker, for example, is pretty universally reknown for being one of the best.

In the MCU - Marvel obviously LOVES the Russo Brothers/Marcus-McFeely team.  The Winter Soldier wasn’t the most financially successful of the Marvel Movies but they snatched that quadro up to not only write/direct CA:CW but Avengers: Infinity Wars 1 & 2.  

So, in lots of cases you can generally deduce who they thing “nailed” the character and who didn’t.  Also, by how much ret-conning is needed.

Also: how many women Steve has slept with doesn’t prove or disprove anything about his true orientation - especially if he’s bisexual.

Also, in the comics Sharon Carter ends up asking Steve to marry her because she’s tired of waiting for him to.  And his response was basically “Meh…. maybe?”  

Talk about a romance for the ages.

Tim: Yeah he had quite a few reasons not to marry her. She had turned much colder after her trials and being left for dead and all that. She was a much darker character and Steve never really found her to be the person he had cared for before all that.

As far as his sleeping with women not proving anything, you’re right. It doesn’t.  It is however concrete evidence of his love of women. Everything else is just people reading between the lines (which doesn’t prove anything) and the opinions of writers who enjoy the debate (like the while Wincest thing).
Source: an almost unbroken collection of all things Captain America from 1988 - 2015 (excluding Avengers runs except in the case of major crossovers) lol
In the end I wouldn’t care if he was bisexual, straight, gay, asexual. It wouldn’t matter. But at this point his sexuality is pretty straightforward unless there’s some serious retconning. Though after the changes that were made to his origin story during his Fight Terror run in the early 2000s, they can do anything they want. And in that case the changes were well done. They reflected the climate of American society at the time.

Me: I don’t think you’d have to do ANY retconning at all with Steve to have him “come out” as Bisexual, or even closeted homosexual (honestly I think he comes off as more coded gay in the comics than the movies, even).  I guess that’s my point - its not breaking ANYTHING that’s happened in character if he comes out.  Gay people sleep with women all the time before they realize their sexuality.  And if he’s bisexual than the fact that he hasn’t slept with a man (yet) doesn’t make him any less bisexual.

Another (queer) Friend: And given he’s a character from the 40s, lends more credibility to this being a character who had more of a reason to live in the closet or not have a full understanding of the modern gamut of sexuality.  Hell, I barely knew what being bisexual was until I was in my 20s.  I was confused for a long time - thinking that the only real options were straight or lesbian.  That I couldn’t consider a relationship with women because I’d been attracted to men in the past.   Or that my eye for women came from a sense of artistic appreciation since I did appreciate drawing the human figure.  Given the only depictions of bisexual people in most mass media at the time is (and unfortunately still is) characters like Oberyn or Jack Harkness that literally sleep with just about anything with a pulse and consent - that don’t stick to monogamous pairings…

Which is exactly why another reason Steve Rogers would be such a great representation of being able to be bisexual AND monogamous (or at least serial monogamy).

Tim:  Sure. “Would be”. I agree. But it’s still just reading between the lines. Of course Cap dreamed of Bucky. He was his best friend. He lost him and that hurt him mentally. He could be lying to himself since the beginning.I know plenty of people who either changed their minds about their sexuality later in life or had been hiding their true emotions all along. It happens. And I wouldnt be upset if that’s what they did with Cap. My only argument was that until they actually do that it’s just wishful thinking. The smart thing to do would’ve been to do that change during the run of the Ultimates but unfortunately they made him a much more aggressive and bigoted Cap.

Me:  But again, to call it “wishful thinking” actually borders on insulting - because queer people are forced to choke down and ENDLESS stream of heterosexual couples that have little to zero chemistry in virtually EVERY form of media out there - but since “straight” is the default setting in media, lots of queer characters have to be coded.  Its a sign of the times - but not necessarily wishful thinking.

To read about the Steve/Bucky, Steve/Tony, or Steve/Falcon (three very homoerotic relationships Steve’s had in his comic run) as say that its “he’s straight and to think otherwise is reading between the lines” is a very straight-washed way of viewing media.

There’s no evidence that specifically points to Steve NOT being bisexual.  Go ahead - name one.  The point is, you can’t.  Having sex with women doesn’t disprove it.  I’ve never seen a single comic panel where he is obsessively forced to say “I’m not bisexual!”  As I mentioned before, there have been villains in the past who try to use his machismo against him, virtually saying that the reason he’s all “manly man man” is to hide the reality from people - that deep down he’s queer.  

Even if you subscribe to the “writer’s intention” idea (which in itself is debatable , there’s a whole theory in literature about what people INTERPRET the media as is just as valid, if not moreso, than the writer’s intention) then we don’t know for sure?  Brubaker has hinted, though not explicitly stated, that he authored Cap with a queer bent.   He certainly seemed excited about the slash fiction coming out after The Winter Soldier (which he was consulted on, and even appeared in one of the scene).  But the point is, when Brubaker was writing comics he wouldn’t have been “allowed” to write Cap as queer, even if he wanted to.  But he got damned close.

And, yes its an AU, but as I’ve mentioned, too, Planet Hulk has virtually canonized Stucky… so at least on one world out there they are together.  And while AU’s are generally just that - alternate universes - the idea is generally accepted that they are generally the same “soul” - just put into different worlds/circumstances/etc.

Another (queer) Friend: Here’s the thing, too.  Ultimately, this is a fictional character who regardless of if they kill him of or not, eventually, he’ll be back.   Times change.  Eventually, someone’s going to pull that trigger and explore that route that has been speculated on literally for decades.  This is the most popular pairing in the MCU (above canon ships, and on a list that only has two gay pairings in the top ten):

This has been popular in comics, especially since retconning Bucky in the Brubaker run to be only a couple of years younger than cap. 

They’ve at the very least canonized the fact that the most important relationship in Steve’s life has been Bucky.  

This isn’t speculating the actual sexuality of a real person.  I honestly believe it’s inevitable, just a matter of when or in what context.

Tim:  Whoa now, nobody’s insulting you in a debate over a comic book character. Look elsewhere if you want to play the victim. I think you’re incorrect and have years of evidence not proving his sexuality but proving that it’s something that hasn’t been explored.

Would you also say I was a sexist  because I don’t care about the remake of Ghostbusters? Or a racist if I don’t like Obama? I’d hope not. Maybe I just don’t like remakes because i prefer original material. Maybe I don’t like someone’s political stance on issues.

If you don’t agree with the opinion of someone debating your claims that’s one thing. But don’t claim that I’m insulting you because I disagree with you.

Me:  I didn’t say you were insulting me, I was just pointing out that its dangerously close to being insulting to suggest that a queer-interpretation of a fictional character is “wrong” and the straight one is “right” when there’s really no definitive way to prove his sexuality either way.  

Saying that queer people are always just “reading between the lines” or that they have “wishful thinking” because they interpret something differently is the kind of stuff queer people have to deal with in media ALL the time.  And its tiring.  

Its tiring that ALL characters in media are assumed straight by default.  

Its tiring that the only way queer characters GET represented in media most of the time is through coding, especially in media marketed towards a younger audience, like comics.  

What I’m just trying to point out is that - its open to interpretation.  You don’t have to agree.  But you can’t claim to be “right” and the queers are “wrong” when it really IS a matter of how you consume the media.

Tim: Never said that I was right and all queers were wrong but this is like getting into a conversation with a religious person about the existence of God. Lack of evidence doesn’t mean you get to just put what you want there to fill the gap. I stated earlier that I’d be perfectly fine with what they do with him.

Unfortunately the evidence of him already exhibiting the tendencies to this point is utterly nonexistent.  Like the example of him living in a gay area of a city. I live in a predominantly bigoted and racist area of my state but that doesn’t make me the same. It’s not evidence.

I agree and have many times stated that there is a real lack of variety in media in general. We’re making strides, though maybe not quickly enough. When DC changed Alan Scott I felt that it was a publicity stunt and just tossing something out there to appease people, but they did it and it ended up being well constructed. They proved they weren’t ready to make that leap however when they wouldn’t allow Batgirl to marry her girlfriend.

I want more variety. I want people to have a hero that represents something about them that they can identify with. But I want it to be done properly and not by taking things out of context to try to force it to happen.

In the end I have a treasure trove of information about the character, bordering on obsession. At this point I could write a book on the character so I thought I could lend some of this to the conversation.

Me: But this is where we essentially  disagree. I could write a book on the character, too.  I AM obsessed with Captain America and frankly, I think you’re wrong to say that there’s no evidence in the existing canon.    

There are PANELS and PANELS and PANELS of him saying/doing things that can be interpreted as homoerotic.  With Bucky, and Tony, and with Falcon.  

You read them as straight/platonic.  Okay, fine.

But others read them differently - again Steve Rogers has been a mini little gay icon in comics for DECADES.  

But you can’t just say “There’s no evidence!”  There IS evidence.  There are tons of interactions with him and Bucky, or him and Tony, that can be read with homoerotic overtones.

What do we know for sure?  He’s slept with women.  Presumably even fallen in love with women.  That doesn’t mean he’s not queer.  He could be deeply in the closet, or (in my opinion, more likely) he could be bisexual.

You don’t stop being bisexual because you’ve never been with, or are not currently with, someone of the same gender.  For example, I have a friend who identifies as as bisexual man, but he’s never so much as even dated a guy.  It doesn’t mean he isn’t bisexual.  

So again, just because they haven’t explored any sexual relationships with men doesn’t mean that his feelings for Bucky are strictly platonic.   You and I can read the same panel and you get “mentor/mentee” vibes.  I read the same panel and get “he’s his emotional center”.  

Cap hardly EVER (I’d like to say NEVER, but being as I haven’t recoded EVERY instance in every comic when he’s talking about Bucky) refers to Bucky as anything other than his partner or his friend.  He doesn’t tend to say things like “He’s like a son to me” or “I love him like a brother” like you see a lot, for example, with Batman and Robin.

Again, that’s not evidence that he feels anything more than platonic.  But its also not evidence that he isn’t.

That’s the point I’m trying to make.  You keep saying “Its just not there,” and my point is, “Yes, it is.”  Your “straight” reading/interpretation of the character isn’t any more valid than my queer reading/interpretation of the character.

Another (CisHetMale) Friend:  Devil’s advocate: you can’t prove a negative, so you might as well say there’s zero evidence that I’M not bisexual as well. And plenty of evidence that I am (appreciate male forms, have said repeatedly that Chris hemsworth is hot, have pulled the hair of men or hit them for their (and my) enjoyment, etc). So nobody can accurately say he’s not bisexual. I just don’t think he is because “reasons”, and those reasons might be because I’m looking at him from an outdated perspective and because I’m oblivious to the signs. Meh.

Like I said. Cap fights for all Americans. Gay, straight, male, female, and bisexual and everything in between.

….in that vein, I would like to see how he reacts to being hit on by a transgender person sometime. Just to see. It would be very interesting, no matter what he does.

Me:  No, you can’t prove a negative.  But you, as a real person and not a fictional character, can self-identify as straight.  Captain America has never so concretely defined his sexuality.   Also, we're  talking about fictional characters, too, whose mental workings are being interpreted by the reader, and depending on your theory on literature; that’s more the “true” interpretation than what the author “intended.”

But that’s kind of the point.  You can read Cap as queer, or you can read him as straight.  One is not a “better” or “more canon” interpretation than the other.


So there you have it?  Am I reading too much into it?  Am I just dead wrong, or is really THAT hard for people to just sit back and LISTEN to what marginalized people (in this case, a queer woman) have to say?

Hidden SaNami - Manga and filler

You know… Sometimes I can kind of understand why people don’t “see“ SaNami. Because a lot of the time their moments are either hidden, or happens so fast that we barely have time to realize it.

Mostly this happens in fillers or in movies and sometimes the anime actually changes or adds to SaNami moments that are originally Oda’s. There are some really undervalued moments in the manga as well. Sometimes I’m not even sure all Sanji x Nami shippers are aware of some. I’m not going to point out every single moment, but I will bring up some points that I have some particular thoughts about.

I also want to talk about how the anime tend to exaggerate Sanji’s mellorine-mode and how that might make people misinterpret Sanji and Nami’s relationship.

This is another long one.

Keep reading

Spoiler warnings for Pixar’s Finding Dory. DO NOT READ if you haven’t seen it yet!

Let’s talk about the little piece of perfection that was Finding Dory. I need to get a few things off my chest because I am currently in love with the way the movie handled mental and physical disabilities.

Disclaimer: There are a few things that I’m not pleased with, namely Gerald’s treatment at the hands (fins?) of his peers, and the suspense surrounding Hank’s troubled past without any resolution. I can briefly address those at the end of the post, though.

Okay, before we start on what happened in Finding Dory, let’s talk about what we know about her as of the end of Finding Nemo:

  1. She suffers from short-term memory loss, which means she can’t remember much of what happened five minutes ago, much less years ago.
  2. She doesn’t know where her family is.
  3. We know as much about her backstory as she does – that is, almost nothing. Which is a great plot device, by the way, but that’s a different post.
  4. She is unfailingly cheerful and optimistic, despite her lack of knowledge of her past. I know for a fact that if I were in her situation it would be so easy to become discouraged, but she doesn’t (yet this isn’t unrealistic or poor characterization, because I can tell you from experience that people with special needs are some of the most contagiously happy people I have ever met).
  5. “Just keep swimming.”
  6. Being around Marlin helps her remember. There are plenty of theories and scientific explanations for this, I’m sure, but it’s not the point I want to focus on for this post. But after having spent time with Marlin and feeling at home with him, she is able to remember a vital piece of information (don’t even try to deny it; it may take us a year to remember our own address, but it only took an hour and forty-one minutes to memorize P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney) without which Nemo would never have been found.

Okay, now let’s look at what we learned from Finding Dory:

  1. Dory is easily tied with Dumbo and Mike Wasowski for the “cutest kids in Disney” award.
  2. Her parents were amazing at their jobs (and this is what I want to spend the majority of this post talking about). Seriously, I need to talk about how well they handled their daughter’s disability.
    Dory’s parents never made her feel inferior or different because of her memory problems. They supported her and loved her and did the absolute best they could, and they couldn’t have done a better job.
    They paid attention to and nurtured the things that were likely to stick with Dory – like her love for sea shells. They could have kept a collection of sea shells in a special place for her to play with when she wanted – which is probably what I would have done, tbh – but no. They used her love of sea shells to create a way for her to safely practice independence, as well as a safety net for if she ever wandered off. “Just follow the sea shells.”
    And – this is important – they let her build the path. They didn’t just pick up she shells and place them, they encouraged her to find them and move them, and if a shell was too big to move they helped her problem-solve through it (side-note: scientifically, something is more likely to stick with kids if they have a hand in its instillment - it’s why crafts are prioritized so much in preschools).
    They were cheerful and sweet, and they didn’t treat Dory like she was less of a person because of her memory loss, but they weren’t naive or blind to the problems. They worried about whether or not she would make it without them (and that is and huge worry when raising a special needs child). They exchanged worried looks whenever Dory backslid, or when she forgot. But they were never disappointed in her, they never made her feel like it was her fault, and they never gave up on her. They always believed that she could do whatever she put her mind to, and they did whatever they could to push that.
    Now think for a second about how Marlin handled Nemo’s disability. Where Dory’s parents encouraged independence, Marlin coddled Nemo. He fretted constantly, and he refused to let Nemo out of his sight. It led to Nemo feeling smothered and, at one point, admitting that he hated his dad. It led to Nemo swimming out over the drop-off and being kidnapped by a SCUBA-diving dentist.
    Now before you get riled up, let me stress this: that wasn’t Marlin’s fault. Marlin was reacting to a horrible traumatic event that left him widowed and his son “crippled”. He was doing the absolute best he could with the circumstances. However, think of the differences between Nemo’s and Dory’s experiences with their parents. I love that Pixar has created not one, but two full-length movies dealing so heavily with disability, and with peoples’ reactions to that.
    Dory grew up apologizing for her disability. From the time she was swept away from her parents to the time she saw Nemo, she was constantly saying, “I’m so sorry.” I’ve read tons of reviews and reactions to Finding Dory, but no one has mentioned this and it broke my heart – because it is so common for people – special needs or not – to apologize for perceived flaws, and are taught by experience that flaws are things to be ashamed of. And when she finally remembered how she got separated from her parents, she blamed herself. And even though her getting swept away by an undertow had less to do with memory loss and more to do with the fact that she was a baby, Dory has grown up apologizing for herself. Thinking that other peoples’ reactions were her fault, even with Marlin after they got close. So it completely makes sense that she would have internalized what happened then as her fault.
    But her parents shut that down as soon as they reunite. They don’t let her apologize, because what happened wasn’t her fault. And even though she doesn’t remember the interactions she’s had with other people, the repetitiveness of said interactions have conditioned her to apologize for what happens around her, even when it has nothing to do with her memory problems (like when she, Nemo, and Marlin were running from the giant squid, and Nemo got hurt during the chase).
    Imagine feeling like that, your whole life, having apologized for everything your whole life and then, the people who mean the most to you, the people you’ve been afraid of finding again because it was my fault, I lost them, will they want me back? – and imagine those people scooping you into a hug, telling you not to apologize, that it wasn’t your fault, that they’ve been waiting for you because they believed in you, knew that you would find them, that you would remember.

I just think that this was handled so well, and I had my doubts because Disney sequels don’t have the greatest track records, but I was not disappointed at all.

Re: Gerald.

Unfortunately, the bullying that Gerald the Sea Lion is subjected to is normal and a realistic portrayal of how many people with disabilities are treated. I don’t approve of it, and I do wish that he had gotten some kind of respite (actually, it’s kind of my headcanon that when the other two got back to the rock, Gerald and the otters had monopolized the rock, forcing the bullies to find somewhere else to sunbathe; and that does give me joy xD), but like I said, it was realistic. I could go into a whole new post about the problems there and how reflective of society it is, but I honestly don’t have that much more depth in me tonight.

Re: Hank.

I really am disappointed that we never learned why he has issues with the ocean. Not only would it be in-character for him, but Pixar kind of set themselves up for it in Finding Nemo, with Gill (who they handled perfectly – they didn’t spend tons of time on Gill’s story, so they didn’t take away from Nemo or Marlin’s arc); the audience wasn’t left with a gaping “Wait, why’s he all scarred up?” moment at the end, like we were with Hank.

anonymous asked:

why are 13 year olds sending you asks?? if they hate you so much why spend time talking to you??? if they're that afraid of an adult being attracted to them, why are they going out of their way to contact a minor attracted person????

I had this THIRTEEN y/o girl message me with loads of hate about how minors cannot consent, and all this gibberish that I knew when I was still in the womb. Went on her blog, and she’s posting half nude images of herself under the ddlg tags.

This 13 y/o who’s blabbing on about something now… I would have never known she even existed if it wasn’t for her sending me a message about how I shouldn’t be talking to people like her. What on Earth is happening in this world?! When I was 13, I had the intelligence of a 13 year old, not a toad.

I’ve honestly got no idea at all my friend.

It's Fine, I've Got You - Oliver Sykes

 Can you do one where y/n gets a lot of Hate from BMTH “fans” because she’s dating Oli and Oli comes home one night after practicing and Y/n is on the floor crying with her wrists cut and Oliver comforts her and cleans her up? Thank you so much!

May Be Triggering,

Written By Sara

I slumped into our double bed alone after retrieving my phone from the bedside table. Mindlessly I scrolled through twitter, flicking through the hundreds of tweets that’ve been sent to me. One has a link attached to it. I tap the screen and a tumblr blog pops up. It’s a post someone has written about me.

‘A lot of you have been asking why I don’t like Oli’s new girlfriend y/n so I thought I’d try and explain myself once and for all so that we can drop the subject after this.

1. Y/n is a bad influence on the band. Oli hasn’t been able to practice as often as he used to because he is spending too much time with her.

2. She is an awful person. There’ve been many circumstances when y/n has been rude/ignorant to fans and has been heard saying bad things about them.

3. Bring Me The Horizon have released less music since she’s been in the picture and also the music they have released has been of a poorer quality.

She is ugly. I don’t see what Oliver sees in her. She’s not kind, she’s not pretty. I think he was so much better when he was with Amanda. He seems less happy and has been less active with the fans since they started dating and lastly, the only reason she is actually famous is because she is Oli’s girlfriend. She has no particular talents and nothing going for her. It will not last and when it does end, she will be nothing. Just wait and see.’

1,849 notes.

Reblogged and added ‘I agree 100%’

Reblogged and added ‘I hate her too’

Reblogged and added ‘Not to mention the fact that she’s had a history of being addicted to drugs and…’

Oli is out practicing right now. They’re right though. He hasn’t been as active with the fans recently. I don’t have anything going for me. I’m useless and without Oli, I’d be nothing.

I am nothing.

I step into the bathroom and fumble around under the sink for my razor. Eventually my hand meets the plastic handle. Carefully, I remove the blades run one across my skin. One, four, seven, twelve. Blood seeps from one cut into another, I quickly loose track of how many I’ve made. I break my skin over and over again, but nothing has changed. I still feel the same.

I’m suffocating in myself.

Deeper. I go deeper until the pain is almost unbearable. And then I stop. Tears fall from my eyes as I realize what I’ve done. I’ve lost. I cry, tears falling into my wounds. The saltiness stings, I yell in pain and close my eyes, waiting for it to end. I fall to the ground, flinging the blade across the floor in the process. The shaking I feel resembles that of an earthquake. I reopen my eyes to meet a river of blood and tears on the floor. I hear the front door of the house open and then close. “Y/n?” Fuck, fuck no. I can’t let him see me like this. I try to lift myself off of the ground, but my arm is in too much agony. I scream and collapse back into a pool of my own blood. I hear footsteps running towards the bathroom and the door slam open. Then silence. “Y/n…” I hear him whisper, his voice breaking as he utters my name. I cry frantically. I’m so stupid. He lifts my arm and a sharp pain flies around my body. I scream again, pulling it away from him. “Okay, okay sh sh sh it’s fine, I’ve got you.” He says panicking. “I’ll be right back, okay?” I nod my head and he runs off into a different room. Seconds, later he returns with a damp cloth. His arms thread under mine and he lifts me into his lap. “I’m so sorry babe.” He whispers, placing the cloth onto the cuts. I yell in agony. “Stop stop stop stop” I cry desperately. What I thought was a damp cloth was disinfectant. He moves the cloth over some of the deeper ones. “No!” I yell screaming as loudly as I can. He ignores me. “I’m sorry y/n.” He tells me. “This is going to sting like hell.” He puts pressure on my arm. I kick my legs around trying to get him to stop. “Ah!” I screech, flinching away. He continues applying pressure until it stops hurting. He then wraps a clean bandage around my arm and ties a tight knot to secure it. I whimper quietly as he puts his arms around me. He carries me bridal style back to the bedroom and places me into the bed before joining me. He lifts the duvet over both of us and pulls me closer to him, holding me tighter than he has in a long time. “Why did you do it?” He asks after a long silence. “You know why I did it…” I mumble quietly and he sighs. “Don’t listen to them y/n. I love you and nothing some fucking ‘fans’ say is going to change that.” “I love you too.” I tell him honestly.

Oli’s pov/

It’s been a few hours since y/n’s fell asleep now. I’m wide awake though. Slowly, I slide out of bed and head to the bathroom. I turn the light on and am greeted with a lake of dried blood. I’d forgotten about that. Stepping over the patch of crimson red, my eyes skim the room until I find what I’m looking for. I pick up the small strip of metal and secure it safely into my back pocket. I then pull out all of the razors from under the sink and do the same thing. I pull out my phone and open up twitter.

Fuck all of the people who call yourselves fans and then send hate to my girlfriend. You cunts have no idea what she’s going through.’