why has no one seen this film

if you’re struggling for AU ideas take a look-see at this list i wrote for my friend who dubbed it “better than the 10 commandments" 

1)     Coffee shop AU

i)       Barista and person who has a ridiculous coffee order

ii)      I’m worried about your coffee dependency

iii)     you accidentally poured boiling hot coffee over me so you’re responsible for taking me to A&E

iv)     you give me a different fake name every time you come into starbucks and I just want to know your real name bc ur cute but here I am scrawling “batman” onto your stupid cappuccino

2)      Flower shop AU

i)       You buy a weird amount of flowers and I’m concerned as to why

ii)      I’m allergic to flowers but I work in a flower shop – you’re a customer who’s very confused as to why I’d do that

iii)     (this is also a good way to incorporate flower meanings eg, buying certain colours/types for person to represent feelings etc.)

3)      Library AU

i)       You’re overdue on this book and I want it so I’m tracking u the fuck down

ii)      I work in the library and I’m a little concerned for your health bc you never stop studying

iii)     The library’s pretty empty save for you and me and OH that couple making out loudly in the shelves somewhere

4)      Awful first time meeting

i)       I accidentally punched you in the face when I was too overexcited about something

ii)      I thought you were my friend who’s just done something awful to me (read: cut my hair while I slept, dyed all of my clothes pink, etc. etc.) because you look similar from behind so I stormed up to you and shoved you from behind while calling you an asshole

iii)     You get the gist to this one

iv)     Oooh when you told me your name I thought you were joking because it’s fucking awful and I made a joke about it and things got awkward real fucking fast (perfect for a Hannibal au just saying)

5)      Weird places to meet/awkward meetings in general

i)       We live in the same block of flats but haven’t ever talked and Sunday morning we were both doing the walk of shame and had to stand in the lift together

ii)      “okay I know that being in the woods at 2am is a weird thing to be doing but my friend called me and- wait, why are you in the woods at 2am, fuck I’m going to die aren’t I?”

iii)     A personal favourite of mine – first day at a new job and oh fuck my boss is the person I drunkenly hooked up with last weekend/night

iv)     We keep accidentally running into each other I’m not a stalker I swear

v)      You live across from me in our apartments and we smile when we see each other but we don’t really know each other and oh you’re the stripper at my friend’s stag do/hen night fuck this is really uncomfortable

vi)     “My shower’s broken but I’ve got a date tonight could I possibly use your shower please?” “Oh sure (neighbour that I’ve been crushing on for the past six months) of course you can use my shower to get ready for your date (fuck fuck fuck)”

6)      Friends to romance – pining and all that wonderful shit

i)       You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you

ii)      I really like you but you’re my best friend’s ex

iii)     You’ve liked me for ages and were really obvious about it and I didn’t like all the attention but now you’re over me I really miss it and fuck I think I like you too?

iv)     Somewhere along the way of getting into bar fights together, staying up all night with movie marathons, other friendship things, I’ve fallen in love with you but oh my god this could ruin EVERYTHING

v)      Friends with benefits oh wait I like you

7)      FAKE DATING HOLY SHIT I LIVE FOR THIS

i)       It’s my highschool reunion and I need a hot date so I can rub it in the faces of the people who hated me

ii)      My homophobic parents are coming to visit will you pretend to date me as an extra “fuck you”?

iii)     There’s a person who won’t stop bugging me will you pretend to be my partner so that they’ll fuck off?

iv)     I told my sister I have a boyfriend so she’d stop trying to set me up with people but now she’s coming to visit and I’m in too deep I need a fake boyf ASAP

8)      Soulmate aus

i)       The first words your true love(s) will say to you are tattooed on you and why the fuck are their first words something really ridiculous like ‘I’ll pay you a tenner to punch me in the face’ or ‘quick what’s your favourite animal’ or ‘fucking shit hell holy fuck wow oh my god jesus h Christ fuck me’ etc. or even worse a really ridiculous song lyric like  the opening lines of uptown funk or a high school musical song or smthing did you have to serenade me the first time you saw me asshole?

ii)      You get an ‘impression’ of your soulmate when you turn 18 or something but all I got was a strong smell of bananas or an overwhelming feeling that Thatcher was a good prime minister or an image in my mind of a fucking unicorn

iii)     The more ridiculous the better actually

iv)     Something like whenever your soulmate sings a duet you can’t help but join in and my fucking soulmate is in a goddamn band but I can’t sing for shit

v)      Or maybe something like soulmates always sneeze at the same time and I cant be sure but me and this kid in my French class just sneezed at the same time are we soulmates or was it a coincidence (proceed w character trying to make themselves sneeze around said person to see what’s what)

9)      Alternate universes for real

i)       Mermaids

ii)      Siren and asexual pirate who doesn’t understand why all his crew are losing their shit that person has a nice voice sure but what the fuck is happening

iii)     Hogwarts

iv)     We live in a world where the greek gods are real and you went and got yourself cursed and now I have to go on a fucking quest to sort this shit out why do I love you again?

v)      Pacific rim au (either they’re drift compatible or one of them is a ranger and the other stresses constantly bc what if they die yes I have read a fic like this no I didn’t come up with this one but it’s fucking good) (also if you haven’t seen that film go watch it now)

vi)     Literally any movie or book universe you like tbh just go for it

10)   Other aus that I like

i)       I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but there has to be two people to a cart come on random person let’s go oh wait are we stuck at the top? Fuck

ii)      We work in the same office and you have a goddamn squeaky chair and you wONT FUCKING STOP SQUEAKING IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT ANNOYS ME

iii)     Our mutual friend set us up on a blind date and I thought I’d hate it but you’re actually… kind of funny? But because I expected to hate it in no way am I going to let you change my mind just because you’re gorgeous and funny and intelligent oh no my friend is not winning this

iv)     It started to snow and I’m the only one of our friends who would go outside with you – I soon found out why none of the others would go out in the snow with you (this works best if they’re new friends who don’t know each other all that well) when you shoved a handful of snow down my back and declared snow war

v)      It’s nowhere near Christmas it’s literally still November would you calm down about Christmas wait no why are you getting the tree out no stop please stop (if you do this pre-relationship you can have the grouchy one secretly finding the other’s excitement endearing and falling in love with them actually that works for established relationship too)

vi)     Current partner got a new job in America (or other country far away) and we’re getting by on skype calls and emails but it’s not easy and then I met someone new (can be poly or can be finding the OTP person)

vii)   You want us both to get in shape and I hate working out/running but your ass looks really good in shorts oh the things I do for my friends and their nice asses

viii)  Carrying on from 10.vii. you’ve caught me checking you out in what I thought was a subtle way too many times and now you’re calling me out on it what do I do???

ix)     You’re an actor/other famous person that I really admire and I just saw you in the street and as I was debating whether or not to say hi you came up to me and started flirting what do I do??

x)      You were waving at your friend behind me but I got confused and waved back at you and now I’m dying of embarrassment but you think it’s cute

xi)     I sat down in the wrong class and I’m panicking but don’t want to get up and leave because the class has started and you think it’s hilarious and shut up you dumb fuck you don’t know me aahhh

xii)   I’m a waiter at this wedding and you’re a drunk guest who will not stop hitting on me please I’m trying to work no I can’t dance with you omg let me find you some water

xiii)  Our best friends are that awful ‘cute’ couple that make-out in public and call each other “sweetie” and “sugar” and “babe” and god they’re awful let’s talk about how awful they are – develops into “shit we’re the awful couple now”

xiv)  You pissed me off in class so I threw a book at your head and now I’m in detention and jesus fuck I hate you so much and the teacher made me apologise and wait you’re cuter up close and the way you talk is kind of nice actually oh fuck no

Okay I could go on forever but this is over 1,500 words of auing already I have too many ideas christ

send me some to @theskyis-forever with a pairing for me to write :)

A MESSAGE FROM AVI
Hello everyone. If you haven’t yet watched the video then these words might come as a shock to you. If you have watched, know that this is exactly what I would have said in the video, if filming it wasn’t one of the toughest things I’ve ever had to do. This morning, I announced that I will be taking a step back from PTX.
I’ve struggled with this decision a lot. It has been the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make in my life. Before I explain why, I want you all to know that the past 6 years have been the most unbelievable years of my life. The things we’ve accomplished, the places we’ve seen, the people we’ve touched with our music… It surpasses anything that I could have ever dreamed up for my life.
I believe one of the big reasons why we have been so successful and accomplished all that we have is because of the unbelievably fast pace that we keep. Throughout my journey with PTX, this pace has always been a struggle for me. It’s been hard for me not to be with my family and friends when I need them or when they need me. It’s been hard to not be able to escape into nature when I’m feeling overwhelmed or just need some time to myself.
Through all of this, I’ve done my best and I’ve kept pushing myself to keep up. Really, the reason why I’ve been able to push so hard and for so long has been because of you guys. You all have inspired me and lifted me up every single day and, for that, I am eternally grateful.
I do love you all so very much, but I’ve come to a point where I just can’t keep up anymore and I would never want to inhibit any type of success that we have because I truly do believe in everything that we’ve done and everything that they will do. I just know that I can no longer continue at this pace and so I have to do what’s best for the group and I have to do what’s best for me.
I do want you all to know that I’m still going to be doing music and I’m going to be doing it with my whole heart. I will ALWAYS do my best to lift others up with my voice. I hope that you’ll all support my decision and that you can understand where I’m coming from. And regardless of anything, I just want to thank you for all that you’ve given to me. I have been so unbelievably blessed and humbled to be a part of all your lives in any way and I wanted you to hear this from me. From my voice. And from my heart.
I love you all deeply and I thank you for everything. Truly.
And just so you know, I will still be performing at all of our announced shows, so come say hi and give me a hug. I love hugs.
Avi


I know the announcement is already going around tumblr but I thought I’d upload the video. Watching it made me realize how sad and sorry he is. And even though I’m upset about the news, I think I’m more worried about him. I’m seeing lots of support and love for him on the internet, and I hope he’ll see it. Hopefully his decision will allow him to take back control of his life, get some rest and focus on whatever he wants. Maybe he’ll finally ask Sara Bareilles out, who knows… I just want him to be happy. It’s going to be hard for the band and for us fans, but both Avi and Pentatonix will still be able to make good music and succeed; except now he’s going to be able to breathe and go at his own pace.
Also, give him a hug from me if you can! x

So I finally saw “Your Name” in theaters yesterday and it was SO GOOD! I was left so inspired and it was a firm reminder as to why it is that I love animation and why I do what I do! I teared up at the end. The production and design was just incredible, Makoto Shinkai has totally outdone himself with this one! If you haven’t seen it and are an anime fan or animation fan in general you definitely had to check this one out! Don’t miss it! @anime  

Already seeing people shitting on the Batman movie getting a rewrite.

They got a new director and it just shows that Matt Reeves is getting hands on with this film and is getting super involved. This will make for a better film.

I hate how when one little thing comes out from DC, people say dumb shit like “How hard can this be? Why is it taking them so long? This project is doomed.”

Like shut the fuck up.

Filmmaking is hard. Okay? Especially big budget filmmaking. There is so much stuff that goes into filmmaking that you wouldn’t be able to learn everything about it in 4 years of film school.

I’m serious. There is so much stuff that goes into it that the only way to really learn it is to actually be on set.

Majority of the Internet has never been on a film set let alone seen one.

WB has been making films for a damn century nearly. Chill. Let them take their time and don’t act like the world will end with every bit of news that comes out.

7

HEYYY…so here’s some stuff!

Those of you who’ve never seen my 2011 SVA thesis film “Balancing Act”, go check that out. Super-long-story-short, it’s my “magnum opus” IP that I really wanna do something with someday. Alternatively, it’s that “I made this in Elementary School and created a bunch of characters based on me and my friends and wanted to make my own animu idea that usually goes nowhere and has been in development for 20+ years while I work on other/newer/better ideas” IP. Y’know, one of those. You probably see ‘em on DeviantArt and Tumblr all the fucking time; hence why I don’t really post stuff about it online much these days. That said, posting this art here isn’t a confirmation that something’s happening with it. I’d just stocked up SO many doodles and sketches I felt like putting them out there eventually. Some of these date back as far as 2012 and this isn’t even half of them since I have plenty from various sketchbooks I’ve never scanned.

“What the fuck is this shit, Kirb!?” WELL KIDS, it’s the adventures of self-insert-I-wish-I-was-a-superhero-character and his friends as they go through their trials and tribulations of forming a makeshift superhero team and fight bad guys and learn valuable life lessons about being different, self-acceptance, dealing with deep personal issues and eating healthy or some bullshit. It’s gone through countless re-iterations as I’ve grown and learned and expanded my life views. I want it to be a story that’s really deeply impactful and meaningful, but it’s not something I’m ready to do yet. I need to get better at all aspects of film-making and storytelling. There’s a lot of basic things about “what am I saying?” regarding the story that haven’t been fully fleshed out. Might be years before I ever get to that point; or maybe I never will. Who knows. But once in a while, I’ll draw these four kids and experiment around with shit.

“Frost” (the skinny fuck who looks like ani-’me’) has various blue and white hoodies, is generally awkward (I made him way too “””cool””” in the thesis film; I was emulating Yusuke Urameshi’s sarcastic attitude) and a massive fuck-up (JUST LIKE ACTUAL-ME, HEYYY) and I’ve spent the last year on the story side of things researching a lot about various mental illnesses and how to apply them to him in ways that benefit his development as part of a team he fits into (or not).

“Ilaqua” was previously the character based on (and who looked like) Mike Luckas, that I decided…now I think well over 3 years ago, to change to a girl. I debated back and forth which character to switch (because I wanted two guys and two girls on the main cast) and thought about changing the Earth-elemental guy, but decided to gamble on tossing her in with the many, many Water-elemental girls. (a.k.a. I felt it was easier to differentiate Girl!Mike from the likes of Katara and Korra than seeing Girl!Nick get more-easily compared to Toph.) Mike helped me re-design her (which was also tricky to make sure she wasn’t too similar to Grace Liu’s Enna) and “Mikaela” has become one of my favorite characters to draw.

“Nico” (now re-named in tribute to TwistedGrimTV) is mostly the same. Honestly, getting a hat shape with him that I don’t despise has been my biggest difficulty with him. I also wanna try giving him way more exaggerated anatomy (something like Sajad Gharibi); a body he’d be picked on for having even though he’s not violent at all by nature (he’s actually meant to be more paranoiac and anxious), nor is he “the big dumb one”.

“Kathy” is also mostly the same, but there’s been some minor things I keep trying to fix with her design that I can’t quite get right. I wanted to go more gothic with her choice of fashion, which lent itself to her mysterious demeanor. My biggest aggravation is finding a hair-shape that isn’t a pain in my asshole. It’s evolved a lot from the Rumiko Takahashi-style cut, but I’m still not happy with any particular shape yet.

I also had some help from Mike Luckas and Xander Mobus on trying to design some practical, yet “we have no money or resources to get really efficient ones” superhero costumes. Most of their superhero nicknames (invented by Frost, which the new TMNT beat me to the punch on with Michelangelo’s nicknames for the bad guys, whoops.) are still WIP. Currently I like “Cardice” for Frost and “Landlord” for Mantel. Previously Ilaqua was “Firefighter” and Kathy was “Brightside” but those both may change; they might all change. Hell, ALL of this might change in 15-20-30 years from now if this ever gets made.

On that note, I GREATLY appreciate all the interest in it! I’ve had many folks from time to time ask if I ever plan on doing something more with this concept. It is my every intention to someday; in fact I THINK about it every day. Maybe I’ll do it as a movie, maybe it’ll still be a series like I originally thought, or maybe somehow it’ll be a game or something. Maybe it’ll be none of those things. Maybe it’ll be a hologram projected directly into your brain stem. Who the fuck knows. Here’s a bunch of drawings about it. Enjoy. Or not.

Baahubali: Fact Vs. Fiction
  • “Prabhas and Rana were not the original choices”

The entire team of Baahubali worked so hard for 5 years on the 2 films, so it’d be great if people didn’t disrespect the actors by recasting their roles. Also for the love of God, kill the rumors that the movie was first offered to Hrithik Roshan or John Abraham or whatever bollywood actor’s diminishing career you’re trying to validate. Here’s proof from Rana himself:

and this is the article that he was referring to:

And here’s a direct quote from Rajamouli from this interview:

“Surprisingly it is quite difficult for people to believe that he was on board even before the script was done. I wanted to make this huge, epic war film for a long time and we didn’t have the script on hand, but somehow I knew that he was my protagonist. I used to tell him…I didn’t have the story so I didn’t have anything to tell him, but I used to tell him the kind of historical kings we had, the characterizations of Rana Prathap, the characterizations of Sivaji, of Sri Krishna Devaraya, of all of the kings of India. And I used to tell him that these are the lines that I’m thinking on and wanted him to play. He loved it, he loved the idea, and when I finally told him the story of Baahubali, and said that I would be needing him for one or one and a half year, he laughed and he said ‘You’re not going to make this in one and a half year, I know it will take more time, let it be two or three years, I’m there for you’ and he gave his dates without committing to any other film”

  • “The VFX was done with hollywood talent”

There were also so rumors that Baahubali utilized the same VFX team that worked on Jurrassic World which was denied by producer, Shobu Yarlagadda. One of the co-founders of Makuta VFX, which previously worked with Rajamouli on Magadheera, Maryada Ramanna, and Eega, stated: “ Most of Baahubali was developed in Hyderabad, home to Tollywood, and used local talent. It was principally a homegrown feature produced by homegrown talent.“

  • “Karan Johar came on board because Baahubali needed Bollywood money to be made.”

That’s not true. Arka Media Works produced both films. What started as a single film, shot simultaneously in Telugu and Tamil was then split into two after realizing the scope of the story. The Hindi version was not on the cards until Rana, who has bollywood connections due to his prior movies, pitched the film to Karan Johar and convinced him of its capacity to be a national phenomenon. Then only did Karan Johar come on board as a presenter. He certainly deserves credit for heavily promoting the film and grabbing bollywood’s attention by having his name attached but he was not involved in the film making process. Rajamouli has stated many times that if Prabhas committed to Baahubali by not taking on any other projects, Rana did so by being the team’s “mascot” and taking it to new terrain.

  • “Rajamouli enhanced the character of Devasena after the criticism of Avanthika in the first part”

I have my personal opinions about the character of Avanthika but in general some of the criticism the character received is valid. However, the character of Devasena was not changed in order to avoid the backlash. Devasena is the character she was since the film went on floors. When the movie was first started, it was supposed to be a single film which is why they began shooting with the flashback portions that are seen in the second part. This still, which is from a scene in The Conclusion, surfaced even before the release of the first part which shows that the story did not change much. Also, the team has stated in many interviews that they did not make any changes to the story after the response to the first one. They did make some changes in terms of editing and VFX but the characterizations did not change.

Tamanna has said before that she came on board pretty late into the making. Its highly likely that the character of Avanthika was added to bring some “masala” and appeal to a larger audience. If you consider the role of Avanthika, the film could have technically happened without her in the story but that is not the case for the strong characterization of Devasena which is the driving force of second part’s plot. This isn’t to excuse some of the issues with Avanthika’s character but just to say that it was a result of last minute tweaking and Devasena was not was an “afterthought”.

  • “The Hindi audience supported Baahubali more than the Telugu audience”

Obviously if we look at the numbers, the Hindi version did bring in more money than the Telugu Version. However, its really unfair to say that Telugu people did not support the film as much when it was us who saw its rise from being a rumored project to the sensation it is today. If you want to look at the numbers, just look at the stats of the Hindi audience vs. Telugu. The Hindi speaking population in India is almost at 50% whereas Telugu is around 8%. Then take into account people living in the diaspora and there’s no way we can compete. Also there is a huge audience that does not speak any of the languages the film released in and by default probably saw the Hindi version because its closest to their native language or the one they’re most familiar with. Either way, we shouldn't quantify support with BO numbers because the odds are always going to against non-Hindi speakers. Don’t take this victory away from the Telugu industry that has long been ridiculed in the national media for producing only “masala” films. Don’t make this about you, because its really, really not. oh and btw, STOP TAGGING BAAHUBALI CONTENT AS BOLLYWOOD

  • Final Thoughts

Its really easy for us to sit here and just say, ‘of course they all gave their time and dedication to this project, anyone, given the chance, would have. its a once in a lifetime kind of franchise’. But keep in mind that when the film first began production, it was seen as HUGE gamble that had the capacity to end careers if it had gone wrong. It’s because they committed to this project and worked day and night on it that it is what it is today, not in spite of it. So please don’t undermine their success and hard work by basically deeming them as replaceable and let’s give credit where its due. 

Of course no cinema is without its faults but sometimes we just need to set aside our critical lens and lets ourselves succumb to the masterpiece in all its glory.

Also the team is full of genuinely kind and humble people who have racked up a lot of goodwill over the years in the industry and I couldn’t be happier that they’re the ones receiving all this success and glory because if it was anyone else, it probably would’ve gone to their heads. 

and finally for good measure here’s an Instagram post from Rana, just in case you didn’t love these two enough already

Mary Lou Barebone is played by Samantha Morton, a working class British actress. In adolescence she was in and out of the foster system and is herself, an abuse survivor. She openly talks about her past, is involved in activism and is pretty much an all-around badass.

Her portrayal of Mary Lou, who physically and emotionally abuses her fostered son Credence throughout the film, whilst being a strong performance in its own right, has undoubtedly added significance given that she is a survivor herself.

And I have yet to have seen one interview with her, or one bts clip of her. There simply isn’t any mention of Sam outside the film.

Let me be clear: this is an twice Oscar nominated actress, who has as many lines & screentime as Katherine’s, Jacob’s, Ezra’s etc characters, who has personal connection to the material explored in fbawtft and yet she’s non-existent as far as promo & press tours are concerned.

Why is hers the only voice not been given an audience when arguably it holds the most weight.

‘cause when you walked into the room just then

theatre au collab with @alrightpotter. here’s her part.

a/n: lucie, my love!!! happy birthday!!! i’d want to know you if you reached peak gay or became buffy summers dog or could only eat car tires. i love you badly. id probably give up weetbix for you. have the best day in the world.


Godric’s Post                                                                              8th February 2009

Film: The Wind In the Whomping Willows
Director: Bathilda Bagshot
Plot Summary: 4 friends go for a picnic. Boredom ensues.

I’ve never liked Bathilda Bagshot, and yes this may have been because of an incident at one of my parents’ house parties where she literally hissed at me when I reached for another baked potato, but the point still stands. She continues rely on prolonged dialogue scenes that don’t move the plot along and stretch to the point of absurdity, until the viewer is begging for a change in scene, shot, anything, only to presented with (unbelievably) yet more boredom.  

So put aside whatever resentment you’re harbouring that I just name dropped Bathilda Bagshot and that she used to come to my house, and wallow in how wasted my Friday night was watching this garbage. My personal highlight was the closing credits, because it meant I could at last be free from this endless hell of four people sitting in a wood, talking about sandwiches and grass for two hours straight.

Naturally I imagine some people enjoyed the film, (Bagshot does know her way around a camera, I’ll give her that, the cinematography was flawless.) however dear, cherished, hopefully-subscribed-and-not-reading-this-on-the-free-trial-reader, I must ask: who doesn’t like a little during movie commentary? Before Friday I would have said no one, but after Friday I would have to say no one, with the exception of uptight, haughty gingers.

Rather like Penelope Clearwater’s unfortunate character in The Wind in the Whomping Boredom, I too found myself being falsely accused of a crime I did not commit. In Clearwater’s case (she shines in the film, despite Bagshot’s insistence she be holding a mirror in every scene) it was of stealing the picnic sandwiches. Mine was the slightly more serious charge of ‘injuring’ a fellow reviewer.

I want it stated for the record that no such injury occurred, and that as far as I am aware popcorn is rarely classified as an assault weapon, but I am willing to hear argument on the matter. However I could be wrong because the reviewer in question seemed to genuinely enjoy the Wind In the Whomping Waste of Time, so maybe it wasn’t her eye that should be examined, but her brain.

In summary: this film has done the impossible and been even more tedious than Bagshot’s last effort, A History of the Snake Inside Me, which I didn’t think possible. My nine-year-old criticisms rarely stand up to scrutiny but I think my judgement of Ms Bagshot being The Worst has proven correct. Furthermore, I want it noted for no particular reason at all that if at any point I am contacted by a lawyer about paying medical bills for a non-existent injury, I will do something else ‘ridiculous’ and ‘childlike’ like toilet papering a Certain Reviwers house or broadcasting my witty and hilarious movie commentary over a loudspeaker during each and every film I will ever attend from this point on.

(the editor Remus J. Lupin wishes to clarify for legal reasons that comments above are aimed at no particular individual, all wishes views presented are the writer and the writers views alone, and to please not sue the paper)


Godric’s Post                                                                                  3rd March 2009

Film: 101 Fantastic Beasts
Director: Newt Scamander
Plot Summary: CGI animals have a good time. Audience have a good time.

Scamander has always had a talent for animation, even his questionable films like Beasts Which Are Fantastic If Only We Knew Where To Find Them (nonsensical, long-winded title) and The Porpentina Goldstein Story (thought it was going to be about hedgehogs. It was not.) should be seen purely for their onscreen beauty alone.

Thankfully, 101 Fantastic Beats wasn’t a repeat of the Hedgehog Incident but rather exactly what it says on the tin, 101 Fantastic Beasts romping around the city and having a jolly good time, until one of them dies and the entire world becomes a bleak hell-scape that you are desperate to escape because you can’t stop crying.

Unfortunately my screening experience of this charming film was somewhat hindered by the near constant stream of insults and accusations of ‘eye assault’ from a Certain Reviewer which culminated in said reviewer tipping popcorn that Was Not Hers across The Innocent Victims Lap.

The reviewers in question needn’t have ever spoken again but because a Certain Reviewer had slandered another Wholly Blameless Reviewer in her paper, which the Wholly Blameless Reviewer’s Mother reads, some things had to be sorted out. And those things were trying to get the Certain Reviewer to print a retraction so the Wholly Blameless Reviewers Mother would stop bloody going on about it.  

On top of this Wholly Blameless was mocked mercilessly for showing emotion during what ranks as one of the most heart-breaking scenes of all time, next to such movie moments as the ending of Dead Poets Society and the shooting of Bambi’s mother in Bambi. Obviously a Certain Reviewer needs to borrow a heart so she doesn’t have to poke fun at others for having what she does not: feelings. Wholly Blameless would be happy to lend her some of his, as he’s just good like that and not at all the ‘slice of expired a*shole’ he’d previously been accused of being.

101 Beasts has heart (unlike Certain Reviewer’s) and is appropriate for the whole family excluding twelve year olds, because obviously they’re terrible and you’d never want to take them anywhere anyway, so it’s a win-win.

(The editor wishes to clarify that the writers list of saddest movie moments is flawed because it has left off the Jack death scene from Titanic because the writer thinks ‘Cameron clearly emotionally manipulated the audience’ and ‘there was plenty of room for both of them on that door’ because the writer is an imbecile. The editor cannot believe he is the film critic.)


Godric’s Post                                                                                  11th April 2009

Film: The Cupboard Under The Stairs
Director: Gilderoy Lockhart
Summary: You really don’t want to know.

Gilderoy Lockhart has won two Oscars, and yet every time I watch one of his films I have to forcefully remind myself that it wasn’t shot by a nine-year old with a camcorder who uses their dog as a sound assistant. The dullness of the film will stun and bewilder all who see it, as it defies reason why such a thing should be made.

True Hairy Chins Shouldn’t Be Seen By The Public was wildly funny (despite meaning to be a serious documentary), but aside from that I can’t think of a Lockhart film I’ve ever enjoyed aside from classics like Gadding With Ghouls and Travels With Trolls which hardly look like Lockhart films at all, despite him having directed them.

Cupboard Under The Stairs is so mind-blowing ridiculous, from the wooden dialogue to the extended shots of director and star Lockhart doing mind-numbingly boring tasks while smiling garishly, that when I found myself sitting next to a Certain Reviewer I didn’t even bother to move but rather stayed if only to have something to do. A slight physical fight broke out, and by fight I mean a Certain Reviewer hit me for a comment I made about the twenty second long director credit, so obviously I pinched her, and then before I knew what was happening we had been thrown out.

I don’t want you to think, dear reader who has clicked on this review and therefore pays my rent, that I might have acted unprofessionally by getting thrown out a movie twenty minutes in. I want to clarify: I absolutely acted unprofessionally. There is no ‘might’ about it. But my point still stands: the film was garbage, and that fact that I could tell this from only the first twenty minutes is further evidence of its garbagery.

Now I know at this point you’re all clambering to hear more about the two hours I spent alone with a Certain Reviewer, as for some bizarre reason, you’re all incredibly interested in our relationship built off pure loathing and irritation. Well, prepare yourselves readers, because a Certain Reviewer’s favorite filmmaker is not only Wes Anderson (!! There should be a limit to the amount of pastel on a screen at one point). But she also hasn’t read the best novel of all time, The Great Gatsby, and then told me that that ‘wasn’t that weird’ and asked me to ‘close my mouth’ because ‘its been two minutes’ and its ‘getting weird’.

However she did earn points back by liking Star Wars (if she hadn’t, I may have committed a crime worse than Cupboard Under the Stairs’ acting) and she also noted that Leonardo DiCaprio in Romeo + Juliet was her sexual awakening, and I to felt a deep attraction to DiCaprio and still do despite his insistence on growing a beard every few years. She laughed at this, but I think it was a laugh of agreement, so therefore it wasn’t bad.

Cupboard Under the Stairs was one of the worst atrocities committed to film, but a Certain Reviewer agreed that Han shooting first was an important part of his character, so all is not wrong with the world.


Text from James Potter to Sirius Black: do u think i look like leonardo dicaprio

Sirius Black: no

Sirius Black: is this bc evans said she liked him

James Potter: absolutely not


Text from James Potter to Remus Lupin: do i look like leo dicaprio

Remus Lupin: firstly, dont call him leo

Remus Lupin: and secondly, obvsly not

Remus Lupin: no two people have ever looked more different

James Potter: fuck u


Text from James Potter to Peter Pettigrew: do i look like leo dicaprio

Peter Pettigrew: no u look like u have a thing for evans

Peter Pettigrew: sirius told me to say that

Peter Pettigrew: whos evans

James Potter: do u not even read my fuckin column pete

Peter Pettigrew: it costs four pounds a week to subscribe to ur shitty paper i don’t have that kind of money


Godric’s Post                                                                                     3rd May 2009

RED CARPET WATCH

The Godric’s own Sirius Black, gossip columnist extraordinaire, was sent to the Red Carpet premiere of A Streetcar Named the Knightbus and reported back to us on all the hot gossip and glamour of the night.

In what may have been my favorite red-carpet to date, not in the least because Rita Skeeter was thrown out for badgering guests only ten minutes in, but because the greatest thing in the world happened. It was so great in fact, that I managed to look past the colossal injustice of me not being invited to walk the carpet myself, which was clearly a mistake (the editor Remus J Lupin would like to clarify it was not) and have a roaring good night.

May I just clarify that by roaring good night I mean I got absolutely plastered (The editor wishes to state that The Godric does not promote drinking) so the night comes back to me in bits, and from what I can remember everyone looked great. I can’t remember what the film was about, or even if they let me in (editor: they did not.) but even if it wasn’t I’m sure the film was good too. (editor: it was average)

But as I mentioned above, the best thing in the world happened, and that was that The Godric’s very own film critic James Potter got to walk the red carpet. He will tell you this is because his insightful and poignant columns are finally getting the attention they deserve. Any sane person would then loudly talk over him and say the real reason is because he’s become rapidly more popular with the introduction of a Miss Lily Evans, also a film critic, into his weekly reviews. Or, as James calls her, A Certain Reviewer. (editor: for legal reasons the editor must assert that A Certain Reviewer could be any individual and to please not sue the paper for defamation.)

Turns out Miss Evans had a popularity boost as well, because she was also on the red carpet, looking ravishing in a backless teal ballgown, and honestly, readers, it was a sight to see Evans in that dress. Potter obviously thought so to, as he spent the entire night staring. And not subtle staring. Obvious, in-awe, I-can’t-believe-a-person-can-look this-good, staring.

Now, once I’d gotten over the fact that not once in our ten-year friendship had James ever given me that look, I was absolutely thrilled. I had a thirty pound bet going that they’d be together by May and I’d just won, if that look was any indication. (the editor: it was twenty pounds.)

Furthermore, Evans and Potter spent the entire night talking, not even noticing how the cameras had utterly latched on to them despite having no idea who they were, purely based on the looks they were giving each other. It was a sight to behold, seeing two utterly oblivious people in formalwear hold a conversation probably about the merits of dressing gowns (they talk about weird stuff like that) while what felt like the entire world took photos.

Now I’m aware I’m meant to be discussing the gossip and glamour from the whole night and not just two D-list celebrities who happen to both be my friends. But consider this: I do not care. These photos are modern art. Both so clearly have a crush on each other it’s embarrassing. Even Moony would have to agree (the editor: I do.). Anyway, in summary of the night: I bet everyone reading this that they’ll be screwing in a month. Mark my words.

[image: a man in a suit and a woman in a dress, against a while backdrop with A Street Car Named the Knightbus film logo printed across it. Her head is turned towards him, laughing, holding a delicate purse. He is looking at her, mouth parted, like she is the first girl he has ever seen. Something to be looked at just to make sure she didn’t disappear, blown by the wind, like in a dream. A dream girl- except not. A real girl, in a real dress, in a real place. He can’t quite believe it. A hundred camera flashes go in the background.]


Text from Sirius Black to James Potter: so whens the wedding

James Potter: i fuckin hate u


Sirius Black renamed the group james’ got the hots for evans

James Potter: this is cyber bullying

James Potter: im calling netsafe

Remus Lupin renamed the group netsafe cant help the fact that ur in love with evans

James Potter renamed the group stop now

Sirius Black renamed the group not a chance mate


Sirius Black created the Facebook Page Lily Evans and James Potter should get it on

This page received 17,798 likes.


Text from Lily Evans to Sirius Black: im going to fucking maim u. take it down.

Sirius Black: sent a link

Lily Evans: if that’s a link to the fucking page i will cut your balls off

Sirius Black: its not

Sirius Black: on an unrelated note do not click on that link it is a virus I just remembered


Remus Lupin created the Facebook Page Lily Evans and James Potter should get it on part two because lily made us delete the last one

This page received: 21,104 likes.


(don’t forget to check out ellie’s part here)

Why am I the only one who’s happy that Lefou has finally come out as gay?!???!! This is a mile stone!!! The first OPENLY gay character from Disney!!! True he’s a side kick and a villain at that but he’s still the first!!! And it’s not as if this is a shock if you’ve seen the original you know him being in love with Gaston is nothing new. Plus after this, there’s no excuse, Disney can put openly gay characters in their films and whenever we get a live action version of lion king, lilo and stitch, Pocahontas or whatever, all of theses gay coded characters have to come out!! Lefou is hardly one of my favourite characters and I’d have preferred other characters to have been the first, but I for one will be celebrating that we’ve finally broken a barrier that has held us back for so long and will be singing ‘Gaston’ at the top of my voice in the cinema on opening day to show my support!!!

hat films are my special interest, and this fandom is not dying

I know that this isn’t a huge fandom like Supernatural or whatever. 

There’s so many people leaving, or that have left, that made good content and added to the numbers of us that are still around. Now it seems like the same content is shared over and over in our little bubble on media, which again, is good - we all have the same interests - and there isn’t a lot of variety in the content on tumblr that’s new, or there’s just not loads of it. 

Being a small fandom isn’t a bad thing, at all in fact. We’re still standing, we still have the same liking of those three that keeps us laughing and loving each video. 

The amount of times people have told me (in other fandoms that I’m in) that there really isn’t any point in loving these guys so much when the fandom is “dead” is really too much to put down in figures, and I’ve stopped counting anyway - it just goes over my head. Why? Because Hat films are my special interest. 

It’s a term in the autistic sort of group here on tumblr that I’ve seen it being used- it basically is just something we, as autistic persons, can get very attached to and excited about. We can talk about our s.i’s for hours on end and be very happy to do so! Every autie could have a different one, it could be an animal specie, a person in their lives, a tv show, literally anything. And since about 2012, mine has been Hat Films. 

Today, that means I have loads of ideas on the daily about aus and fic ideas, I love watching them and talking about them - heck, the whole reason I’m on tumblr was because I love the idea that there’s other people like me that also like them as much, maybe more, and won’t be like people outside of fans who don’t know what I’m talking about when I babble on and on about them so much. 

So when someone initially told me not to bother anymore about them or the fandom (since it’s “dead), I was initially upset. I wouldn’t have anything to be excited about- no one to share that with. 

But I realise that now, honestly, it doesn’t matter. Like I said before, the fandom is coming back from where it had a little downturn, and there’s more of us coming back or joining in. 

But personally, I don’t think I’ll be agreeing when people say this fandom is dying or is dead. I have met so many good people here - so many good creators, writers, artists, heck, I met the love of my life through watching three guys on the internet insult each-other and play video games. 

I’m going to try to be a better creator here - more fics and that, more activity. I like talking about and liking Hf in general, and if I can spread that, I’ll try to. 

Thank you to so many creators in this fandom - @threeplusfire, @blithe-bee, @marblellous, @lukadarkwater, and so on. If you read this and you are a creator - whether you write novel-length fanfiction or draw tiny sketches - I owe you so much thanks. You keep us going. 

A small fandom is still a strong one. And we’re a good one. 

80′s Anthems

OK let me start by saying that I am in love with 80′s music of all varieties, so this is an era that will be re-visited MANY times over. If you’re confused as to why I’ve omitted a track, then fear not….I’ll probably get to it eventually. Today’s post is all about my ultimate anthems by female artists, and trust me when I say it was hard to whittle it down to these 5, but I had to be brutal!

FLASHDANCE….Fuck I love this song. It’s produced by Giorgio Moroder for starters, so you know it’s gonna be epic. Irene Cara has THE most amazing voice, and it’s one of the most uplifting songs around. Here’s the extended version for over 7mins of pure joy  *Confession* I’ve never actually seen the film ‘Flashdance’ (what sort of lesbian am I??)

Not only is this song an absolute belter, but the video is in the classic ‘mini feature film’ style that was so beloved in the 80′s. Impossible to sing along without clutching your fist in front of your face

You know a song is an anthem when people lose their shit at the very first note. I have adored this song since I was a kid, long before San Junipero gave it a much deserved resurgence. 

As if I’d do a post about 80′s anthems and not include a Whitney song….what sort of music blog do you take me for?

THE ULTIMATE! Not just one of the best 80′s anthems or Madonna songs, but one of THE best songs ever PERIOD (you can tell i’m serious from all the caps!) It doesn’t matter how cool or how much of a music snob you think you are….put this song on and EVERYBODY dances. I have proved this theory many times over.

10

Road trip with the Evil Queen

I love this costume, but until today I did not realize these are two different costumes.

The riding coat is a staple of womenswear in the Enchanted Forest. We see it on basically every woman who rides a horse in the series. Both versions of this feature a contrasting Napoleon collar and lapels, wide shoulders, a narrow waist, and a flowing skirt—a familiar silhouette for the Evil Queen.

Differences between them? The original has a scrollwork fabric for the contrast. She wears a flesh-toned blouse with lacy and blingy embellishment. Once she wears a black lace jabot. Bell sleeves end with a ruffle of blouse, and it closes with metal buttons.

The second version (made sometime during season 2) has a black embossed fabric in the collar and lapels. Its sleeves are straight and tighter. No blouse is worn with this one; instead she wears a buttoned waistcoat underneath. This coat is closed with three metal frog closures.

The two fabrics are different, but I think they’re both napped, which is likely why a new one was made after only a couple episodes and why we haven’t seen it since the very beginning of season 4. Napped fabrics like velvet and corduroy often wear poorly over hard use, which I imagine is a good description for filming outdoors in British Columbia.

She wears two different hats with this. The wide-brimmed hat is worn with both versions. The brimless hat reappeared in the sixth season with the all-black riding coat. Once she wears no hat at all and instead goes out with hair styled like she’s in Flock of Seagulls.

Sketch from Eduardo Castro. First and third pictures are behind-the-scenes pictures brought to my attention by @efnewsservice.

011517 — Style Influence Map

I’ve been struggling to find my own style lately so I decided to go back and study my favorite art styles. This is a (condensed) list of the major studios that have shaped me as artist :)

[personal commentary under the cut]

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anonymous asked:

Hi, I have a fan theory I wanted to share about Stanley. In BATB stanley can be seen in close vicinity of the town lasses or "bimbetts" throughout the film, he can even be seen doing one of the girls hair in the gaston tavern scene. Stanley also wears all pink and has curls in his hair as do the bimbetts. Also at the end of the film Stanley is dancing with one of the three sisters. My theory is Stanley is the bimbetts brother that's why he dresses like they do and can be seen near them through t

woaH this is GOOD SHIT!!! I know the bimbettes are canonically triplets blah blah etc but i like to think that two of them are sisters and one is their friend. Stanley is the sisters’ brother and the third one used to be Belle’s friend but isn’t anymore (for obvious reasons). This is a good theory thanks for sharing it with me!!!

“Let's find out what the ghost wants.” Why Captain America: The Winter Soldier is Gothic Fiction

“Going after him is a dead end. Like you said, he’s a ghost story.”

Captain America: The Winter Soldier is one of the most popular marvel movies and probably the most popular in female driven fandom circles. It features a lot of pretty actors and thrilling action but probably it’s greatest success is in the narrative satisfaction of its plot, a twisty intriguing mystery that has seen the film repeatedly compared to 1970s political thrillers. And sure, why not? There’s Robert Redford, there’s Washington DC, there’s the contemporary fear of the surveillance state.

But I think this explanation of the appeal of the the plot of CATWS misses a big chunk of why it works so well. The emotion and personal horror of the story. Elements which owe more to an older genre: the Gothic.

Gothic Literature was hugely popular in the 18th and early 19th century and although the genre can be hard to define, so many elements of gothic fiction are present in CATWS it’s hard to ignore. CATWS is the Mystery of Count Udolpho, it is Dracula, it is Jane Eyre, it is The Turn of the Screw. It is a story about a pure, virginal ingenue protagonist trapped in a strange world of intrigue, horror and patriarchal authority.

In Jane Eyre Mr Rochester has a secret in his attic that causes all kinds of mysterious happenings. In Doctor Jekyll and Mr Hyde a man’s body changes and he becomes a monster he can’t control or remember being. And in Dracula Lucy Westernra dies, but a mysterious deathly force stalks the night. Meanwhile her friend Mina Harker is falling under the influence of the same demon that took Lucy and turned her into that very monster.

Gothic fictions are romantic ghost stories. Captain America: The Winter Soldier is a deeply romantic ghost story.

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norcumi  asked:

made-up fic title meme: "Armored Heart[s]," please?

I remember @peskylilcritter came up with Armored Hearts, right? A Republic-era show for Obi-Wan to fangirl over? *giggles*
pssssst @deadcatwithaflamethrower lookie here another Otherwhen AU

also I drop OCs like I spawn AUs, which is to say, a lot
also also on a night like tonight when norcumi and @pumpkin-lith are apparently engaged in an angst-off, I must, I must, I must bring the … less… angsty things………. I’m bad at this.

Okay here we go: 


Silver Greene is not a stage name. 

She was born with a name that belongs on the stage and she’s known, since the beginning, that that is where she will go. She watches people, watches the minutest reactions, commits them to memory and dissects them in her mind. She can read the softest shifts and mimic the motions like second nature. In the language of touches and fleeting expressions and passing glances and soulful looks, she has the dictionary committed to memory, and nothing can challenge her knowledge of it. She can creep into someone’s mind, reading those shifts. She can choose what to telegraph, what to project, to recreate their likeness in herself. 

She’s going to the Core Worlds, to Alderaan. 

She’s going to be an actress. 

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I’m so tired of the Katniss Everdeen Effect. The Katniss Everdeen Effect: boring white brunette has natural skill at fighting, only has three (in Rogue One’s case, one) fight scene/s, and takes over a rebellion cause despite having no experience or general common knowledge about any of the situation, and someone was already the leader of that rebellion. This can typically be seen in dystopian literature and film adaptations. The Hunger Games, the Divergent series, the Matched series, The Selection series, and the Delirium series, to name a few. The Katniss Everdeen Effect has the main character played by a boring, white, brunette actress, who is, 9/10 times, either racist, sexist, ableist, any part of lgbt phobic, or just disrespectful overall. In Rogue One for example, I don’t even care enough about the main character (of course she was British, who cares why) to look up her name. All I need to know is that she is a boring, white, brunette with natural fighting abilities that managed to lead a rebellion despite living on the run for like 7 years. Generally boring movie. like a 3/10 maybe.

If you didn’t get the hint, I really, really hate MCU. I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade, but what Marvel has done is way too personal for me to be quiet. The one thing I will force upon you with all my heart, is my pure hatred of the Doctor Strange movie. I’m begging you, please boycott Doctor Strange.

What Marvel is doing with this film is inexcusable. I’m Tibetan, and I grew up in America as a child of refugees. My father was a fan of Marvel comics as a child, and one of his favorite stories was Doctor Strange’s, because of his connection to our homeland, Tibet. The Ancient One was a high Tibetan lama who taught Doctor Strange the art of magic. You might think Marvel’s only crime is whitewashing him, but its a lot worse then that. tl;dr Marvel blatantly turned the Ancient One into a white woman, as well as changed Doctor Strange’s original setting of Tibet to Nepal, in order to avoid any involvement with Tibet’s current politics (aka oppression) with Communist China

The reason my parents are refugees is because of the Chinese genocide of Tibetans. Tibet is a country occupied by China, and is one of the most oppressed countries in the world. You probably don’t know much about it because of China’s position as a global superpower as well as the government’s complete control of media and news. There is no freedom of speech in all of China, therefore national censorship is extremely common and no one who isn’t involved really knows anything. China pretends that all Tibetans are happy and they really do not like anyone even mentioning the Tibet situation, especially outsiders. 

Marvel knows this, one of their main markets is their viewers in China. China has banned a lot of foreign films for long periods of time because of even slight implications of Tibetan oppression (ex: the Avatar the Last Airbender movie). Doctor Strange could get banned if they included Tibet, meaning millions lost. Why bother risking loosing money from China when you can just whitewash everything to cover it up? This is Marvel’s direct statement that they care more about money then human rights, and I’m honestly not surprised. This has always happened, and it will happen again. Literally no one gives a fuck about Tibetans, I’ve seen it happen all my life. Westerners and the Chinese government alike want to hide our oppression, hide our culture until it makes them money, and hide our millions of deaths and losses. If you do happen to be one of the few who do care, please, please, do not support this film and boycott Doctor Strange. 

Utena Turning Into A Car Makes Perfect Sense

I’m serious. Utena’s car transformation in the Utena movie made sense. Why? Well, if you want a quick and straight forward answer, click read more, go to the bottom of the page and read the text in bold, but if you have the time, the rest of the article will give a more nuanced understanding of Utena and Ikuhara in general.

Oh, and spoilers for everything Utena.

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