why hadnt i seen this

8

rhcp on yonge st, toronto, july 22nd 1999

Suicide Squad Coffee Shop Au

So i hadnt seen that many AUs so i figured why not, lets throw something random out there, this is not serious, its all crack because i need it right now, so totally ooc guys, also really long for some reason

  • Amanda owns the run down cafe
  • Rick is the manager
  • No one believes that Rick has a gf until June shows up
  • Katana is hired to help Rick because he needs someone sane and he doesnt want her to be alone
  • Waylon bakes all the bread and its delicious and everyone is always eating it so Waylon is always baking more bread
  • Harley flirts with everyone and on purpose misspells names and Harley put that knife away he didnt mean anything by it
  • Slipknot is always getting the most numbers from customers but Chato always there to take them away giving Slipknot a look
  • Chato handles Spanish speakers and any rude customers he just steps up and stares at them until they leave 
  • Or if they push him he’ll launch himself at them cause you come to my cafe ese? Disrespect mi familia? And Harley and Boomer hoot and holler while Floyd and Rick come in to get Chato off
  • But if Chato ends up getting hurt you bet that person will not survive
  • Floyd makes bomb coffee in record time
  • He also brings zoe to the cafe and everyone adopts her much to his dismay like I swear to god Boomerang watch your mouth and Katana smacks Boomer on behalf of Floyd
  • Boomerang always writes the crazy specials and he tries to be up front but everyone forces him to the back, assholes
  • Also pretty sure they all end up living upstairs above the cafe
  • June and Harley go to the same hospital to see their psychiatrist and they bring Katana along to bond and because they are not allowed around without a babysitter because people die if they are alone
  • The music in their cafe is always changing, from norteñas to classical to rock to rap to country but no metal Slipknot come on
  • Waylon is the best cook out of all of them but they make sure to know the exact ingredients in everything cause there better be no human meat in this meat pie Waylon!
  • Harley and Waylon go shopping and drag Chato with them, they have the best fashion sense and harley is about to bash a lady’s head in when she asks Waylon and Chato if they want makeup to cover up the tattoos/scars because these are Harley’s guys and they are sexy as fuck 
  • GQ shows up at random times for like part time work when needed and instead of working is always playing poker with Slipknot and Boomerang
  • Rick doesnt know why he bothers with any of them and he bemoans his life but Harley only laughs and gives him a big wet kiss before cackling 
  • June is always cold and tends to wear Chato’s jacket at all times and she really likes working on pastries and decorating them
  • Shit gets real when past lives comes to bite them in the ass
  • Like members of Chatos gangs and Waylon’s mafia crew
  • And when Joker is rumored to be about
  • Floyd is such a dad and doesnt hAve to look up to go “give them the change dollface” “untie Boomerang already Slipknot” “get your hand from the brownies Chato” “rick and GQ you better have finished inventory” “zoe i know you are not playing with Katana’s sword and Katana, you know better" 
  •  They have a sign that says 0 days since last customer sent to emergency in big letters
  • Rick has his own sign where he tallies how many of those emergencies led to deaths and how much he owes Waller for covering that shit up 
  • but its not too bad because the people that die are jerks and criminals themselves which is why Amanda put them all in that cafe in that first place, lbr
  •  They all get matching tattoos yes even Floyd, they tie him down and force it on him but he ends up liking it and sometimes when he by himself he’ll rest his hand on it, but he continues to pretend he hates it 
  • "Dad, your boyfriends are arm wrestling again” “Dad your girlfriends are about to kill a customer” “dad, can your boyfriends and girlfriends come to career day?” And Floyd just sighs 
  • Boomer drapes his jacket on people at night as they all stumble into their makeshift beds in the apartment they all somehow share 
  • He also is always taking Chatos lighter even though Chato is always like i’m cool homie but like Boomer knows about the buildings he burnt down
  • also no one talks about Chato’s family and what happened 
  • They also have no idea what Boomer says sometimes like what but Harley just laughs and pats him on the cheek 
  • GQ and Slipknot are the only one there not part of the polyamory thing the cafe has going on and GQtotally makes fun of Rick because lets be honest he’s whipped by everyone 
  • But they all take care of him so its ok 
  • Rick going golfing though imagine him being in a tournament and the squad going to see him 
youtube

please watch this tim and eric skit

i dont know why i hadnt seen it until now