12. “You’re a genius with facts, but you’re really stupid with people.”
“Dark, hey, Dark, baby, honey, lover, sweetheart, Dark, light of my entire life, pumpkin, babe, cutie, dearest,” Wilford says, perched on the edge of Dark’s desk, swinging his feet in time with his endless stream of sickening pet names.
Dark ignores him. Turns the page of the thick stack of paperwork in front of him. Thinks about murdering Wilford.
“My one and only,” Wilford says without taking a breath. “Handsome, sugar, sweet cheeks.”
“I will murder you,” Dark says lowly. He does not look up.
Wilford finally pauses for a breath. “Oh, good! I thought I was gonna run out before you started paying attention to me.”
“I’m not paying attention to you,” Dark says, paying attention to him. He rummages in a desk drawer for a pen and quickly signs one of the many, many forms that have been building up on his desk for the past week.
“You’re paying attention to me,” Wilford confirms, and Dark suppresses a heavy sigh. He also resists the urge to bang his head on the table, or throw his hands in the air, or strangle his infuriating boyfriend on the spot. “Babe, honey, hotness, why don’t you come pay attention to me somewhere else? I could use a little tenderness in my life.”
“You’re fine, Wilford,” Dark says around a sigh. He’s already resigning himself to it. Oh, well. He’ll just have to finish the paperwork some other time. And it’s not like he has any problems with spending some quality time with Wilford.
“Babe, you’re a genius with facts, but you’re really stupid with people. I’m definitely not fine. I absolutely need a big strong man like yourself to help me out here,” Wilford drawls, leering.
“Are you even technically a person?” Dark says around a smirk.
Wilford makes a noise of indignant surprise. “Well, now you’ve done it. See if you get any cute pet names any time soon.”
“Oh thank god,” Dark sighs, and stands up, paperwork forgotten.