why don't you move to iowa

who u should fight rvb freelancer version
  • York: York’s a great guy who could also probably like, rip you in half but tbh I feel like he’s that guy in the group who makes endless puns and dick jokes so, hey, punch him and then run away, lock a door behind you, and you’ll be fine. Fight York.
  • Carolina: I mean. I don’t know what show you’ve been watching, I really don’t. Jesus Horatio Christ on a popsicle don’t fight Carolina.
  • Washington: Wash has had the shittiest life ever. Of all time. Do not fight Wash give Wash chocolate and love.
  • South Dakota: True, South will rip you to tiny bitty little shreds, okay yeah but she got North killed and Theta lost and just... if you can fight South pls go for it
  • North Dakota: Why would you fight him. Why. North wants to give you a blanket and a cup of tea and talk about Grifball with you why would you fight him? Also if you did fight him he'd shoot you from three miles away. You're not nearly good enough to even get near him to actually fight him so don't bother. Don't fight North.
  • Texas: IF YOU FUCK WITH TEX YOU'LL BE ON YOUR KNEES FOR SURE
  • Maine: If you want death, then yes, fight Maine. But don't actually. Either he'd punch you once and you'd explode or he'd pick you up by the scruff of your neck and place you on a really high shelf or something. Don't fight Maine.
  • Connecticut: CONNIE IS A GOOD HUMAN BEING WHO'S TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING DON'T FUCKING FIGHT CT
  • Wyoming: Please rip his mustache off. Fight Wyoming.
  • Florida: That's like the worst idea ever ok look Florida is a chill honestly nice dude who will slather you with compliments and mean them but you will not last 0.0002 seconds in a fight with him. Nah he isn't on the leaderboard but that's probably cos he's like, way too cool for that shit okay don't fight Florida. Let Florida hug you.
  • Iowa: why would you do that that's like fighting Caboose except a Caboose who's never killed anyone okay it's like fighting Caboose's more innocent twin if that's possible DON'T FIGHT IOWA
  • Georgia: Yeah go ahead fight Georgia he seems like a dick. Also he probably sucks I mean we all know what happened to Georgia you might even win. Fight Georgia.
  • Ohio: bruh don't fight Ohio, set Ohio up with Sherry
  • Idaho: ehhhhhhhhhhh I feel like that would be a dick move. Don't fight Idaho.
  • Utah: how can you fight utah you don't even know what utah looks like
  • Me: "Why don't cute girls flirt with me?"
  • Cute girl: *flirts with me*
  • Me: "I'm very sorry but I have to go right now immediately it appears I have died and also I'm moving to Iowa tomorrow and I just have to go right away and you are very cute and I am very afraid and-"
  • Me: *falls into a trash can*