why does no one else have these feelings like me

The hardest part about moving on
is having to accept the fact
you are no longer mine.
Frankly, my dear,
the thought of you being with someone else
kills me.

Some other girl will get to
moan your name,
and feel your touch,
and leave their marks upon your back,
and it’s not fair.
Why does she get to wake up next to you
and taste your lips
when I’m the one who loves you
and you’ve just met?

You will hold her like you held me.
You will talk to her like you talked to me.
You will look at her like you looked at me.
You will grab her hips, bite her lips, pull her hair,
kiss her, grope her breasts, finger her, fuck her, moan for her.
And as you hold her close,
hold her close to your heart that once beat with mine and
take her in every position imaginable to every inch of the
room you were supposed to share with me,
I will have realized that I am nothing.
All of it meant nothing to you,
and I was nothing, nothing, nothing.
No one particular and not any more special than the girl
responsible
for the pleasure you’re feeling throughout your entire body.

And darling, you have every right.
You have every right
to fuck every girl in the bar.
But that doesn’t stop me from wanting to crush my brain
with a bullet, with a hammer,
with anything to make the images stop.
Stop.

There are too many vivid pictures inside my head
of you being with someone else in bed.
And here I am on the bathroom floor
choking on all my mistakes,
and vomiting out all of my fears.

—  S.A.Z
I wonder if you ever wonder about me:

Her eyes linger for a little too long.

She doesn’t smile when anyone else walks in the room.

Every time our hands brush she acts like I shocked her.

Why does she hold her breath when I step closer to her?

What is she thinking when I’m talking and she can’t hear a word I’m saying?

How can one word be enough to make her whole face light up?

There has to be a reason.

I have to be special.

She must feel something.

Is she in love with me?
—  yes
Dialogue Prompts

1) “What can I do to understand you?” “You have to walk a mile in my shoes. Literally.”

2) “Hand me my bag, my shoes, and the wine.”

3) “If you had to leave me, why did you leave her behind as well?“ 

4) “Don’t bother. I’ve already tried to get out.”

5) “When I get there, I will arrive violently.” 

6) “It seemed like a good idea yesterday.” 

7) “Don’t worry, I’m used to it.” 

8) “My feelings? Oh, don’t worry about those. No one else does.” 

9) “I can’t lose you again. I can’t. I’m not strong enough.” 

10) “Well… At least it worked the first time.” 

11) “I thought you forgot about me.” “Never.” 

12) “Survive now, honey. You can cry later.” 

13) “You really could figure all that out from their tracks?” “No, you idiot, they sent me a text.” 

14) “Did you miss me?” “No.” 

15) “You? Ha! You cannot destory me. I destory me.” 

16) “The shadows betray you because they serve me.” 

17) “You have no shoes, he’s covered in mud, and I just stole some bread. We’ve officially become hobos.” 

18) “He’s alive.” “He’s not supposed to be! That ruins everything.” “I know.” 

19) “You know I never liked Grammy’s lullaby. It’s what she sang when she took the ax to the hen house, remember?” 

20) “We’ll make a criminal out of you yet.”

you know it’s just at this point i’m not worried that people don’t have crushes on me i’m just worried about not feeling the same way someone else does and it sucks not reciprocating feelings bc it would be so much easier and i hate letting people down like that bc i know how it feels…….sometimes i’m worried that i won’t feel that way again and it was a one time thing and i missed my chance or that i’m too scared and that holding me back or my trauma is holding me back and ugh why can’t this be easier

anonymous asked:

You sound like me, I too was awkward and never hung out with classmates outside school regularly also didn't have a group of friends like everyone else. I'm still a virgin and I'm 21 and in college. I need to live a little. Lol

Yeah, I’m 19 and a sophomore in college, and I feel literally the same way. And then on one hand I’m like why does it matter?? I’m happy this way but then I think I’m not actually happy doing what I’m doing, I’m just comfortable doing it and I’m too scared to make friends or be intimate (physically or emotionally, romantically or platonic) with someone to ever do it lmao. It’s such a weird complex, I don’t even know. 

anyone remember this like? why why did he do this did he do this to anyone else? i still feel like i was harassed. does everyone in the gang have some weird fetish and played sick tricks with me? I mean one did piss in my tea also. this is why i think trish is the only normal one in the group

boss week! (day 3)

day 3: your favourite slogan, catchphrase or quote of jack’s

I know this is probably gonna be a lot of people’s favourite (I’ve already seen a few people pick this one haha) but it’d have to be “I hope I can be here, as a voice, as a friend, while playing games for you. If you feel lonely or depressed or anything like that, jack is here.” this kind of sums up why jack is so important to me - he provides so much more than entertainment, he keeps me and so many other people company. even if no one else is there, he provides a voice and a shared experienced so that you don’t have to feel so alone.

on a lighter note, I also copy the heck out of his outro whenever he does it at the end of each video and it’s so much fun haha. so I guess that’d be my second choice?

anonymous asked:

hey there okay so I hope it's alright to ask this but how does one know they have bpd and not something else??i feel like so many illnesses have such common factors and it just confuses the hell out of me and it upsets me to not quite know where i am???ah hope this is okay to ask I don't know who else to turn to

This is totally okay to ask!
This is actually why BPD is often misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder, they both share many symptoms such as mood swings, manic phases, and risky behavior. However, one distinguishing trait is that BPD centers around a fear of abandonment. If a psychiatrist can pinpoint that then they know they are probably dealing with something beyond your run of the mill bipolar disorder.
I hope this helps!
-MM

You have questions over that boy, over that girl

Any. I mean any questions.
“Does he like me?”
“Should I pursue her?”
“I don’t feel worthy of his/her love, help?”
“He likes her/she likes him but problem is I’m not the one receiving the like how do I deal?”
“My heart, why does it ache so much?”
“Am I not attractive enough? If I am, why is he not seeing it?”
“Why is liking someone have to involve God?”
“I don’t think being cynical about love is godly but how else can I view love?”
“Will love ever find me?”
“When should I date?”
“How should I date?”
“How can I shake these insecurities that I can position myself in being ready to receive and give love?”

All questions you have.

No human can answer correctly.
Seems counterproductive in addressing these questions and saying no human can answer right? But

Answers to these questions can only be found when you’re in the posture of seeking Christ in reading His word daily (there’s grace when you miss a few days but let it not be weeks or months or years); answers will be found when you spend time praying to hear Christ’s heartbeat on each issue and waiting for Him to respond to guide you with what is right (even though it may feel like it’s wrong, what Christ says is right); answers will be found when you are in a state of humility in the moment of worship. Worshipping Christ when everything seems to literally suck and suck and utterly suck epically more reflects a heart of gratitude and humility.

I am not implying that when you worship when life is hard that is the only time when you are truly grateful and chase after humility. Rather I am saying, worship epically when it epically sucks and worship epically when it epically rocks. Worship at all times. Because

When you do, you reflect a gratitude heart laced with humility. When you are humble you become a vessel ready to receive what Christ is willing to offer to you -

answers to life’s questions among all blessings, joys, and incomparable peace unbeknownst to man

Am I the only one who is somehow not satisfied with one source of entertainment anymore? Does anyone else feel like they need at least 2 devices simultaneously to cure the restlessness that comes with boredom? 

Why is watching tv not enough anymore? Why do I have the urge to scroll through my phone at the same time although I know it’ll just make me miss crucial parts of the movie? 

Is this just me, or is it a trend?

Reblog if you are a Hetalia ask/RP blog & are willing to interact with countries that have little to no connection with your muse

Hey, so I’m probably not the only one, but I think the most intimidating thing for me is that I am cosplaying a country that has a smaller number of well-known historical interactions with others, and even less relationships in hetalia canon. Because of this, I’m really not sure how to interact with a lot of the blogs on here, and I convince myself that people won’t be as interested in working with such a minor character. Logically I find this ridiculous, but the doubts are still there.

2

The weekend I asked Allie to be my girlfriend, I drove 7 and a half hours to surprise her, it was a great time, and she was absolutely shocked and surprised, we held hands for the first time and enjoyed each other’s company. The next day, we went to Barnes and Noble and we read each other our favorite children’s books. We laughed and laughed, and I never wanted it to end.

When I’m with Allie, I instinctively hum, I have no clue why, but I do. I like to think it’s because she gives me a sense of energy and excitement that no one else does. When I’m not with her, I don’t hum. I can’t fully describe how deeply I feel for this woman, but I can say that she is so much more than just a person who happened into my life. She is the world in Spring, she is all the words I have been writing about, and she is the most beautiful soul that I have ever known. I often go back to the dates we have been on, just thinking about how she laughs and how her hand in mine feels like home. I think about many things, but I never forget how she makes me feel.

I’m sure some of you don’t care too much, but the fact is that I just needed to write this out, it helps me remember everything that is happening.

Why i hate coming out as pansexual

Being told i’m bi
Being told i’m confused
Being told i’m selfish
Being told no one could love me because i could leave them for anyone
Having my sexuality erased because it makes someone else more comfortable

I’m tired of it. Stop making me feel like my sexuality doesn’t matter. It does to me.

I just have one question regarding Psycho Pass

I’ve posted about this subject before but it’s something I’m very butt-hurt on.

WHY the HELL does Akane have to keep suffering like she is?

Literally, everyone else in this series seems at least somehow, in someway, happier than her. Gino is, it’s obvious from his attitude now. Kougami seems to be (obviously, he’s not ‘happy’ happy, but i think he’s….more….better off than Akane; at least mental/emotional wise, if that makes sense), even though he’s in and out of life-death situations on a daily basis. The rest of division 1 is questionable, but in the very least, they haven’t suffered like Akane has. Sure, everyone else serves Sibyl like Akane but why does she have to be the sole person to suffer the most? Because she knows Sibyl’s secret? Because she’s the heroine? Because she’s now the head of division 1? Is this somehow karma kicking her for how ‘naive’ she was back in s1? If so, it’s too much.

Let’s just look at all the shit she’s been through over the course of 4 years

  • Her best friend Yuki was murdered in front of her
  • Kougami, the one person she counted and leaned on, left her behind for years to suffer alone (though that was never his intention)
  • Her precious grandmother was murdered in s2
  • She’s constantly hallucinating and thinking about Kou and how much she misses the bishie crap out of him
  • What’s the most likely thing to happen to her next to make her suffer further: Kougami dies

I MEAN, WHY HER? WHAT DID SHE EVER DO? WHAT MUST SHE GO THROUGH THIS? I mean, despite all this horrible stuff she puts up with, she still struggles and fights to keep going with all her might. But if Sibyl wins or if Kougami (her one chance at happiness; also im not just saying that cause I ship them. Think: she hasn’t be happy since Kougami left….He is the key to her happiness) dies…what would all her fighting be for?

I would hate for this series to end with all her pain and suffering to have been all for nothing. I just can’t bare to see her hurting and becoming more and more numb anymore. No one should have to fall into the state that she has. She won’t smile. She won’t laugh. She won’t lean on anyone else or tell them how she’s really feeling.  SHE WON’T EVEN CRY, FOR GOD SAKE. She’ll never go back to being how she was in s1 (by that, I mean, being happy and grinning and having fun and enjoying herself….) Why the hell does she have to…I mean, killing her off would give her less pain (I DON’T want her to die but if her suffering is never going to end while she’s alive….) SHE NEEDS A BREAK FROM ALL THE PAIN

If Jason and the writers want us to believe that Bellarke isn’t gonna happen, they should stop writing it to make it seem like they love each other.

The way Bellamy looks at Clarke is much more then how friends look at each other. The passion in his eyes in 3x05 when he’s talking to her, when he says “you left me” it’s evident that he feels something for her.

And the way Clarke looks at him, for example 2x05, she runs to Bellamy and holds on so tight, and so does he, they look at each other like there’s no one else in the world.

If Bellarke isn’t gonna happen and they don’t have feelings for each other why does Bellamy get nervous around Clarke sometimes, why do they stare at each other when the other isn’t looking, why do they look at each other for so long and with so much love?

honestly if anyone tries to tell me that tulip is more “”””problematic”””” than jesse or cassidy I only have one question: how does it feel being racist/misogynistic/both? don’t try to justify your ship or your favs by lying to yourself and everyone else about tulip’s characterization

Tulip, like Ruth said, is in it for the underdog. She has a great capacity for empathy and compassion. Tulip sometimes takes justice into her own hands when people she cares about - her family, the girls in the brothel her mother used to work in, etc. - are harmed. She’s used to institutions not protecting her or people she cares about and this resulting in them falling through the cracks and justice not being done. 

I just want to say something that I think many of you might understand.

I am a writer.

That’s a phrase that’s really easy to say, but the way it feels… is unlike how I feel about anything else.  And because this feeling is so different and special from anything else I feel about myself, I am afraid.

People who know me personally will tell you- I am otherwise fearless.  I have my pride, I have stood up against people and things I cannot abide, I have a history of doing the right thing even when it was tough.  But when it comes to my writing projects… I keep quiet. I shut down. I hide them away.

Why?  Why does the thing I love the most bring me the most self-doubt and fear?  When I really think about it, it’s like a feeling that this is the one thing I have, so please, please don’t take it away from me. Without my words, without my stories, who am I?

Anyway I’ll probably delete this but if you have ever felt this way, you are not alone. If feeling like this has made you feel like giving up, just remember that without you to tell your stories, who will?

I want to hear those stories. I want you all to hear my stories. Let’s stay inspired and keep writing.