why does no one else have these feelings like me

does anyone else…hate writing? like, really? i have all these little highlighted bits that mean “YOU MUST EDIT AND REWRITE THESE. THEY ARE NO GOOD YET.” and i look at them like….i know what you’re trying to say, past!me. i know. but i don’t know how to say it anymore than you did.

and then i just listen to sad music to get In The Mood and end up just being sad, and the writing does not get done because i’m too busy crying about best enemies, and this is just editing i’m not even up to the writing new shit yet lmao

Guys...


I really am feeling so down and low at this point. I can’t bear it anymore. I just wanna cry and crawl under my blanket. I want someone to tell me “it’s gonna be okay” while rubbing my back. I do hope one day I’ll be okay soon. Heartaches last for a lifetime, it feels like. Why does people have the guts to hurt others? I just don’t get it. How can these people sleep at night? I wonder. I always do.

I’ve invested so much time and effort to certain people that did not do the same for me. Which is idiotic of myself, but who is to blame? Who else? I’m so fed up. I just wanna have a huge meltdown and release all my pain!

i make a funny post about my feelings of numbness; a person points out i have executive dysfunction. for a second i snort; i know i have mental illness, nothing new here under the sun. but then i realize how many of my symptoms i forget are symptoms. that it’s not normal to be tired all the time. that it’s not normal to get angry for no reason. that the fact i carefully balance between depression and anxiety isn’t a normal railroad track to be walking - i know that it’s not normal to constantly wonder if the train is coming; i forget other people aren’t standing in the way, that being hit isn’t even an option.

there are a lot of posts that make me laugh at first. “do you ever feel you’re running out of time for no reason?” the person asks. “anxiety,” another replies. it’s sort of sad-funny. but i wonder how many of us are asking “am i okay?” “is this me or a symptom or normal?” 

how very sad none of us know what to expect out of this. i have a diagnosis and i still wonder if it’s normal to panic on buses. is it normal i’ve been having panic attacks since i was young? i picture my seven-year-old self with new technology. would i have typed into google why can’t i sleep or would i have assumed everyone constantly feels like they woke up from a bad dream?

do people who are healthy ask “does anyone else”? do people who are healthy ever have to wonder if they’re in one piece? what is it like? 

“anyone else get bad feelings in classrooms?” i wonder aloud. somebody looks at me with pity. now it comes down to the question: is it me or anxiety?

Drunken Antics

Can you write an imagine where Archie likes a girl but he thinks she likes Reggie so he does nothing about it but then he drunkenly confesses to her after a party?

I absolutely adore Archie so much and I’m going to miss Ross Butler as Reggie Mantle 😭 but I’m happy that his career is taking off too. Anyway, enjoy this one!

***

‘Why him, Jug? Why?’ I slurred, drinking from my red solo cup whilst watching the girl who I was in love with, Y/N, sweet talking with my suppose best friend, Reggie Mantle.

Her face lit up every time he made her laugh and smile, managing to have an effect on her that I wish I had.

What was so special about Reggie? Oh - right, he was the captain of the football team, which I could’ve been. I ran my fingers through my hair, getting frustrated watching the two interact. They looked like a couple which infuriated me.

'Arch, you need to chill out.’ Jughead interrupted my thought process. 'How do you know they’re not just talking like normal people do? I mean - it’s basic human interaction, right?’

'Because she’s looking at him all googly eyed and he’s looking at her like a piece of meat,’ I slurred, downing the rest of my drink. 'I need to do something.’

'No, no you don’t,’ Jughead stood up, trying to hold me back. 'Uh - Betty! Little help!’ I tried shoving him off of me, but Betty soon stepped in front, blocking my view of Y/N.

'Archie, what the hell are you doing?’ Betty asked, pushing at my chest to push me back.

'I need to tell - to tell her how I feel…’

'Who, Arch?’

'Y/N!’ I exclaimed, getting shushed by Betty and Jughead. I noticed Y/N peered her head over in our direction, frowning in confusion before excusing herself from talking with Reggie.

Oh shit - what did I just do? She must’ve heard me say her name. Her name was gorgeous though so I didn’t care.

'Oh sure, now you’ve done it…’ Jughead muttered, frowning at me.

Y/N walked over, her face glowing, making me blush unintentionally. 'What’s wrong with Arch?’ She asked, studying me up and down.

'He’s had far too much to drink, he needs to go home.’ Betty explained, giving me wide eyes of annoyance.

'I’m…I’m fine…’ I dragged out, chuckling a little before almost falling over, Y/N catching me before I fell.

'I’ve got him guys, let him sleep for a little before taking him home. Go have fun.’ Y/N smiled, wrapping my arm around her shoulders. Betty and Jughead watched me closely, walking away from them with Y/N inside.

It was finally peaceful and quiet, since everyone was outside and partying, the quiet caused my head to spin. 'You okay there, Arch?’ Y/N asked, sitting me on the black leather couch and sitting next to me, closely may I add.

I stared at her, her Y/E/C eyes gazing at me in wonder. She had an effect on me that no one else had, and I was okay with that.

'Why Reggie?’ I asked, blinking slowly.

She stared at me like a confused puppy. 'What? What do you mean “why Reggie?”, Arch you make no sense?’ She chuckled, that adorable little laugh.

'What does he have that I don’t?’ I asked, getting agitated. She frowned at me, but soon turned into a small smirk.

'That attitude of someone who is too up himself for his own good,’ she laughed, placing her hand on my knee.

Wait - what?

'Huh?’ I asked, causing her to laugh again, shaking her head.

'Archie, I have no feelings for Reggie - in fact he’s nowhere near my type.’ She explained.

I had a chance, I finally had a chance!

'What is your type?’ I asked, leaning closer to her face, watching her give me a small smile back.

'Someone who is sweet, kind, gentle - I don’t know.’ She shrugged.

'Well, I like you. I like you a lot actually.’ My drunk mouth spilled.

I finally admitted my confession. I told Y/N I like her.

Gah, shit.

'Really?’ She asked, her smile turning to a grin, 'you? Archie Andrews actually like me?’ She asked.

'I’ve liked you forever!’ I over exaggerated falling back into the couch.

'Well I like you too, Archie.’ She went to lean in, kissing me before I stopped her, kissing her forehead instead. She frowned a little, tilting her head. 'Why did you do that?’

'I’m not sober,’ I yawned, closing my eyes. 'I wanna remember our first kiss together…’ I dragged out, feeling sleep starting to consume me.

'Now I know why I fell for you, Archie Andrews.’ And that was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep.

Tags - @sweetvengeancee

Emotions that go with being a Spoonie

Fear: this is a big one. It is easy to be afraid when you are sick, and as spoonies we are always sick, but then the other stuff starts to add up quick, turning into a deep downward spiral of doom

Loneliness: Spoonies are often left out of invitations or can’t go even if they are invited. Friends ignore calls, until they have time to deal with their “sick” friend. Quite frankly, able bodied people don’t have time for spoonies so we are lonely. Spoonies get left out of a lot.

Sad: this one is easy. Feelings of sadness come for all kinds of reasons as a spoonie. It’s sad being a spoonie and watching the world go by as if it were a television show and we are just watching it.

Anger: this is a big one. It’s easy to be angry for being a spoonie. Wondering why. WHY ME???

Self-Doubt: doubting yourself due to your disability

Feeling Inferior: always trying to overcompensate, prove that you are just as normal as everyone else.

Self-Pity: it’s easy to feel sorry for yourself as a spoonie, because you feel like everyone else does.

Mad at the world: this one is easy

Feel free to add any others that come To mind or things that you have felt.

The Story of Us

PROLOGUE || 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 9 || 10 || 

Chapter Eleven: Tightrope Dreamer

Word Count: 6779

✮ ✮ ✮ ✮ ✮ ✮ ✮

“Be down in a second!” Mabel calls out to Thomas followed by a squeak directed at Riley.

“Meow.” Riley giggles softly, referencing a previous ‘scaredy cat’ comment Mabel made about herself.

Mabel stands by Riley’s bed completely frozen. 

“Go on then.” Riley giggles as she gives Mabel a gentle shove. “He’s waiting.” 

“Come with me?” Mabel asks hopefully. 

“I can’t come with you.” Riley’s soft laughter continues.

Eventually, Mabel does make her way downstairs and opens Jed’s front door. She jumps a little in place when she finds Thomas standing directly on the other side of it. 

“Sorry.” He chuckles quietly with a gaze pointed at the ground. He looks up slowly, focussing mainly on her clothes. “Are you in pyjamas?”

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*slams fist on table*

I need Eclipsa to come back as a postive force for Star. If she comes back as some fucking dumbass cliche i'ma piss myself.

Im serious no ones talking about it but the monster are straving. All of their food belongs to mewni. Hell we see buff frog struggling to feed his babies. I won’t mind if she comes back and sees the unfairness between the two and starts ripping mewni a new asshole.

I want her to see the starving monster, and a dark spell is cast over the crops of the mewnis. No one gets to eat until this nonsense is fixed.

I want her to meet star, and walk around her room. As star tires to make the best impression so you know she doesn’t destory the world. An Eclipsa see Stars spell book and as if she can read it. An Star looks a little ashamed but eclipsa picks it up and expresses joy. Eclipsa says she made one too when she was a child.

Eclipsa ask Star why her wand looks the way it does. An ask if she knows why her magic is being casted that way. Only to have Star break down and express all this emotion about what been happening. How she feels lost, how she feels shame, but also burning jealously.

Eclipsa ask Star, have you spoken to your mother about this. An of course Star is like no! She can’t know “she’ll just make me leave earth”. An it suddenly becomes way to clear to Eclipsa, Star has mother issuse. An so she adds Star in the way that no one else can. She talks to Star about her feeling and how they can go about expressing them better.

  • Snow: How could you bring this Robin back?
  • Regina: You don't know what it was like. You weren't there! I mean, a version of you was but I killed her.
  • Snow: You did *what*?
  • Regina: Oh relax. She wasn't real.
  • Snow: But this Robin is?
  • Regina: Yes, because he was able to come through the portal.
  • Snow: How do you know no one else could? Did you try?
  • Regina: I feel like you're making a big deal out of nothing.
  • Snow: A big thing out of nothing? You killed me! Literally killed me! What is a bigger deal than that?
  • Regina: Why does that matter now? I've tried to kill you loads of times.
  • Snow: You know, as defenses go, that's not your best work.
Making amends

Asked by Anonymous

Hi!!Could you do an imagine where Minho and the reader hate each other and always get into argument but one argument gets very heated and they end up making out? Thanks!

Fandom: The maze runner
Pairing: Reader x Minho
Words: 1007
Rating: T
Requests: Open

A/N: I hope you like it!

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The hardest part about moving on
is having to accept the fact
you are no longer mine.
Frankly, my dear,
the thought of you being with someone else
kills me.

Some other girl will get to
moan your name,
and feel your touch,
and leave their marks upon your back,
and it’s not fair.
Why does she get to wake up next to you
and taste your lips
when I’m the one who loves you
and you’ve just met?

You will hold her like you held me.
You will talk to her like you talked to me.
You will look at her like you looked at me.
You will grab her hips, bite her lips, pull her hair,
kiss her, grope her breasts, finger her, fuck her, moan for her.
And as you hold her close,
hold her close to your heart that once beat with mine and
take her in every position imaginable to every inch of the
room you were supposed to share with me,
I will have realized that I am nothing.
All of it meant nothing to you,
and I was nothing, nothing, nothing.
No one particular and not any more special than the girl
responsible
for the pleasure you’re feeling throughout your entire body.

And darling, you have every right.
You have every right
to fuck every girl in the bar.
But that doesn’t stop me from wanting to crush my brain
with a bullet, with a hammer,
with anything to make the images stop.
Stop.

There are too many vivid pictures inside my head
of you being with someone else in bed.
And here I am on the bathroom floor
choking on all my mistakes,
and vomiting out all of my fears.

—  S.A.Z

coping with GCSEs is harder than expected and everyone else just seems to be carrying on but I’ve never been so scared for anything in my life because there’s two hours for me to pour my heart and soul into each subject and if I don’t do well in those two hours then everything I’ve been working two years for just disappears and there’s just no one to help because GCSEs are just this thing that everyone does and copes with so why can’t I cope and why do I feel like I’m suffocating whenever I think about having to do these in a months time

She’s a Monster Pt. 1

Choi Youngjae X Reader Ft. Im Jaebum/JB

A/N: Here it is! It’s not as perfect as Youngjae, but I did my best! I hope everyone that wanted a Youngjae story isn’t too disappointed. There will be more smut later! DON’T GIVE UP ON ME, OK!?

Originally posted by icecreamcyj

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I wonder if you ever wonder about me:

Her eyes linger for a little too long.

She doesn’t smile when anyone else walks in the room.

Every time our hands brush she acts like I shocked her.

Why does she hold her breath when I step closer to her?

What is she thinking when I’m talking and she can’t hear a word I’m saying?

How can one word be enough to make her whole face light up?

There has to be a reason.

I have to be special.

She must feel something.

Is she in love with me?
—  yes
i hate this

i hate being an ugly teenager now. it used to be normal to be ugly as a teenager but now you have 13 year olds looking like models some even supermodels. it makes me feel extremely guilty and digusted about my face. i wish i could be someone else. recently i got an therapist for my ‘depression’ which won’t help at all. the only reason why im still here is because i’m afraid that a god does exist and will punish me in the afterlife. the saddest thing is that i have no friends. no one to talk to and im so lonely that it hurts. nothing else will help because as long as im me i’ll always feel sad no matter what. so what im basically submitting this post for is to ask everyone how do you deal with your ugliness? because im about to give up.

Is anyone else bothered by the fact that Black Widow from the Avengers seems to be being used as some tragic jerk off character. Like. I have no qualms with her being a trauma victim. But why did they feel like putting her in a relationship that so far has only resulted in her getting hurt on top of her trauma experiences. Do they not want to do anything with her character except try to make her as hopelessly tragic when it comes to her mental stability resulting from her torture? Is that really what marvel is trying to portray for representing abuse victims? Am I the only one bothered by this? Like. Forgive me if I have worded this all wrong because I just don’t know how to put this all to words but does anyone else feel like she’s just being used to make people feel sorry for her and nothing else as a character?

2

“This one really confused me. I don’t get why she was left in the water to drown after being knocked unconscious. What kind of purpose does that prove? I mean, why not just finish her off?” Jacob voiced his concern, frowning as he did so. “Surely, leaving her in the pool could have been a mistake if she somehow woke up from being unconscious, so why did the killer do that?”

“Is it just me or does anyone else feel like this case is a little out of our depths?” Mikey asked, looking around. He had absolutely no idea who could have done it (and he meant that for real, not in a hiding something way) and that really scared him because if they didn’t get to the bottom of this, then that’s it. Game over. Life over.

if you’re ever wondering what it’s like to feel like a failure to your family,

today I was eating dinner with my dad, stepmom and stepbro and he was eating one of those squeeze applesauce packets and he was talking and accidentally squeezed it too hard so some came out our and he screamed “OH I SQUIRTED” and I couldn’t stop fUCKING LAUGHING AND I SPIT MY FOOD EVERYWHERE AND ALMOST CHOKED ON MY NOODLWS LUKE HOLY FUCK I COULD NOT STOP

AND HE WAS JUST COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS TO WHY IT WAS SO FUNNY AND MY DAD WAS TRYING TO HIDE HIS SMIRK BUT ALSO LOOKED SLIGHTLY OFFPUT THAT I WAS LAUGHING AT IT AND MY STEPMOM WAS NOT AMUSED AT ALL AND LOOKED V DISAPPOINTED JUST LOOKED AT ME AND SAID

“you’re 20 years old Alex.”

Jerk - Hanbin (iKON)

photo cr: LibraAqr

REQUESTED BY ANON:  hi! can I have an angsty scenario where hanbin and you fight and he says something hurtful like “i can’t hurt my best friend over a relationship i don’t even know will last” but he’ll apologize and does something to make up to you? happy ending please ^^ thank you so much!! 

MEMBER: Hanbin // B.I

GENRE: angst with happy ending (i failed the happy ending anon, i’m really sorry, pls forgive me)

SUMMARY: the title says it all

Your relationship with Hanbin seemed to have lost its spark, it didn’t feel like the same relationship that you were in 5 years ago, the relationship that you were so passionate about started to become tiring. You were tired and fed up of Hanbin arriving home late everyday, even worse, he came home drunk most of the time. For the past few months, you were greeted with an empty house every night you came back from work and a drunk boyfriend every early morning,

You promised yourself you wouldn’t let this drag on any longer but every time you talked to Hanbin about it, he would nod as if he digested every words you said but would repeat the same routine. It made you so sick, you wanted to curse the hell out of him everytime you saw his face. You dealt with the same pattern everyday, the repetition made you miss the old Hanbin, you missed the days when you both made and ate breakfast together. You missed the goodbye kisses he’d give you every morning before you leave for work. You missed it when he would welcome you home with hugs and praises, he would remind you everyday how proud he is of you and would give you pats on the back as a way of saying “well done”. He would cook you your three meals, he would do the cleaning, the washing, he would do all he can to help reduce your burden of being the provider between you two.

You wondered what happened to that Hanbin. Instead of flooding you with praises, he flooded you with complaints. Instead of having thoughtful conversations, he triggered meaningless arguments. You were no longer his recent calls and messages. You longed for his “I miss you, _____” texts, his “I’m just calling to hear your voice” calls and his sweet voice whenever he whispers “I love you” into your ear. You missed Hanbin, you missed his affection, you missed his love. You can’t help but to think you were being replaced with his so called “friends” that drove him towards alcohol addiction. His phone would not stop vibrating from invitations asking him to go to clubs here and there and drink like there’s no tomorrow.

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Being Exceptional (A GMW Character Based One-Shot)

Fandom: Girl Meets World

Pairing(s): Jennifer x Stuart, Riarkle, and Corpanga

Characters: (Major) Jennifer Bassett-Matthews, Stuart Minkus, Farkle Minkus, (Minor/Mentioned) Riley Matthews, Topanga Lawrence-Matthews, Cory Matthews

Rating: T

Description: He’s gone. The little boy that has been her sole reason for breathing over the last eighteen years is gone… Because, like everyone, he chose someone else over her.

Author’s Note: This is kind of a character study in why Jennifer is the way she is in my one-shots. I have no clue where this came from… I guess I just wanted to take a real, hard look at Jennifer as I write her in the Moments of You and Me collection and why she feels how she does about Riley. Plus, a bonus look at the Minkus family life and baby!Farkle.


Loneliness comes easily to exceptional people. It was a lesson that Jennifer had learned when she was still young and impressionable. Her father had told her so while staring at her over the rim of his aged whiskey.

Loneliness comes easily to exceptional people, Jennifer, He’d growled as his eyes lingered on her’s, the same shade as her mother’s when she’d told him she couldn’t stay a second longer. The lonelier you are, the better you are.

Jennifer always wanted to be better.

As she aged, she wore smiles in every shade of bitch to match the manicures and pedicures. It was easy to smile and have her way. Casting aside other’s thoughts or feelings was just a part of getting what she wanted. Besides, she was exceptional; they should be catering to her.

All the movies and drama shows her nanny watched made high school seem so hard but Jennifer found it almost boring. Why on Earth would she, Jennifer Bassett, care if Topanga Lawrence liked her or not?

Topanga didn’t have money or influence, just an attitude and frizzy hair. And the only redeeming quality her dumbass of a boyfriend had was his hot best friend and even Shawn ended being pretty overrated.

Jennifer walked the line her father drew before her but she walked it alone. That’s what exceptional people did, after all.

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Mulan: Rise of a Warrior

Ok so I’ve seen a lot of people being really excited about this Disney live action Mulan film being made and how cool it will be because it’s Mulan but LIVE ACTION and I’m here to tell you that it already exists

Reasons why you should see this movie:


1. It is more closely related to the actual legend of Mulan - there’s less ‘haha look at a woman try to do guy stuff and fail oh wait SHE ACTUALLY CAN WOW WHO KNEW WOMEN COULD DO THINGS?!?!?!’, more like ‘this film is about a person that goes to war in the place of their father who is too ill to fight. Oh yeah also she’s a woman and this is forbidden so she has to keep her identity secret.’ It is literally a war film that just happens to have a female lead and doesn’t make a big deal out of it in that cringey #notlikeothergirls way Hollywood does.

2. Also not like Hollywood (prepare to have your mind blown) it’s a Chinese film based on a Chinese legend starring actual real-life Chinese actors. I know, apparently they exist! Groundbreaking stuff. We all know how whitewashed Disney Mulan is going to turn out so watch this instead and save yourself from the inevitable bastardisation of this awesome legend.

3. Chen Kun:

Look how fucking beautiful he is. LOOK! 

I just

can’t

4. The blatant feminist conspiracy that is PRACTICAL FEMALE ARMOUR! Like yeah I know she’s pretending to be a guy and technically she is wearing her dad’s armour but there is never any acknowledgement that boob holders are required for women to slay their enemies. Because they aren’t.

Wait what’s this? A woman?! Wearing ARMOUR!?! That’s practical and doesn’t need specially designed parts for boobs?!?! FEMINIST PROPAGANDA!!! 

5. The way the film is shot is also so pretty and the story is like very straight forward? I can’t explain it right but it doesn’t linger. It’s like ‘this is scene is here to show these characters bonding’, ‘this scene is here to show what kind of person Turtle is’, ‘this scene is fighting’, ‘this scene shows character development’ and that’s it, once it’s made it’s point it moves you to the next part of the story. Everything feels like it’s there for a reason and the dialogue feels real, like it isn’t done to explain things to the viewer, it feels natural? I am so bad at words gaaahhh! I dunno, it’s why I liked Mad Max. The story is simple so why bog it down with all that unnecessary dialogue and sequences and special fx? Looking at you Peter Jackson. The Hobbit did not deserve that. Arsehole.

6. Turtle and Tiger’s relationship is adorbs and the film is also light hearted and fun in places.

7. Do you like films that destroy you emotionally? Not only does this film break your heart and throw it in the dirt, it then picks it up and blows off the dust before shoving it back in your chest and telling you it’ll all be alright and there is still hope. It lies. Maybe I was just having an emotional day but this film made me cry like 10 times. By the end I was in tears just saying ‘no, you can’t end now, no this can’t be it no no no no no why. Why? WHY!’. Then I was angry that no one else had seen it so I couldn’t share my feels and I just curled up and cried some more.

8. It’s on Netflix. Go go!

9. Oooo almost forgot to mention there’s this really fucking weird noise at the beginning, and it turns out it’s this dude singing (he’s actually a famous Russian singer according to wiki). Anyway it’s weird as hell and I didn’t realise it was him singing the first time because it sounds like he’s trying to converse with whales so I just wanted to get that straight


I can’t really say any more because spoilers and I really want people to see it!! Mulan has always been my fav Disney film, don’t get me wrong I love it! I watched it in the cinema when I was 8 and I remember getting chills from watching the advert where she cuts her hair and puts on armour. The music from the advert still gives me chills as does the hair cutting scene!! So yeah I’m not hating on it, just wanna say that this film is also super awesome and if you want to see a really good live action version of Mulan because you loved Mulan as a kid WATCH THIS FILM!!!!


Also did I mention Chen Kun?