why do so many thing happen today!

AAAAAAND time for something that happened today. Long post again.

I had a……….“Little” cry today.
Don’t worry I’m all good now!!
You see, all of my “Poetry” or “Inspirational” stuff comes from when I’m tired.
Well with me, after I cry, the same thing happens.

This is what happened.

What’s a smile?

It’s when someone’s happy.

But so many people smile when they’re sad. Why do people smile when they’re sad?
To hide that they’re sad.
But why do people hide it? When people are sad, they need help. But hiding it keeps them from getting help. If they know they need help, and they want help, why do they hide it with a smile?

Because it’s hard to get help. Because when you’re sad, it’s usually about a lot of things at once. So you can’t explain everything you need help with.

But it’s not just that, is it?

What do you mean by that?

It’s just, to me, I smile so others won’t be sad. But, what if that’s not helping? What if that’s making them sad, but just makes them smile more? What if I’m not doing the right thing? What if I’m hurting them, when I’m just doing what I know? What if a smile, a sign of happiness…Can hurt people?

*turns head to look at me*

I know a smile is happiness, but showing one to hide how you feel, so you don’t have trouble explaining….But to me, I hide my sadness so I don’t bother anyone. I always feel like I’m bothering someone, even when no one is around. I always apologize, because I always feel I did something wrong, or I’m hurting them, or anything at all really…I don’t want people to be sad. So I always apologize, and I always smile, because…That’s all I know. That’s all I know about making people happy. Maybe the occasional smile from a small “Inspirational” thing that I make up when tired or sad, or maybe a drawing, but I doubt that. I know that I’m always bothering someone, I just don’t know who. I over think a lot, so I may have missed them. In fact, I can know someone’s personality just by being in the room with them for a while. Not even talking with them. I can even know a person on Tumblr by five of their posts. That’s how much I think. I think I’m like that so I have a chance at connecting with someone…But I never do, because I’m too shy. And it’s weird, because somehow I can know them a little without them knowing me. So instead, I smile and apologize. Because, I may be bothering them. And if not, I may one day. But here’s something…I’ve just…Am shy. All I’ve said sounds like I’m not but I act like it…But I really am shy. In fact, I actually have a stutter when I’m really really nervous. And right now, typing this, I can tell I’m bothering SOMEONE out there, this being a long post. All I know is, if I can find that person and make them happy somehow, well…

That’s all I really want.

But that’s when I realized,
I was alone.
I zoned out and had a conversation with myself.


anonymous asked:

I know this has been said more than once, but I feel it bares repeating with these recent girlfriend thing. It seems like there is a set up happening for Harry to come out but not Louis or Larry. Thoughts?

How many times is this going to get asked to every Larry blogger on tumblr? Seriously this shit is so boring and SO FUCKING REPETITIVE.

I don’t think Harry will come out without Louis. I do think Harry has more freedom than Louis. I’ve explained why I think that in a post written TODAY.

queenofcinema asked:

It took me YEARS before i realized how fucked up the pledge of alligence is. Like, i did it every fucking morning for years in school AND NEVER ONCE QUESTIONED IT! The scariest part is, I never remember being taught it or even WHY we had to say it. Like, holy fuck do you realize how beyond fucked up this is? This is the literal definition of brainwashing. We we're literally brainwashed. Now tell me again how the USA isnt a real life dystopian society. Its fucked up on SO many levels

that’s exactly what i thought. it’s like a dystopian society type of thing where the little children were taught to believe and fight and never question this flag or government. and when you’re reading something like that you’re kind of like, “this is fucked up, this doesn’t happen in society today except like two places. especially not where i live” bUT IT DOES !!!! AND IT’S FUCKING TERRIFYING

Dear Pa, today is you soulmate’s birthday, she’s alive, well and feeling fine. Both of our hearts are made of irons with orchid flowers, thanks to you, so that explains why we are strong with some soft spots (or at least I pretend we are). I’m taking a good care of her, I promise. You get some rest there, I will talk to you later. We have a lot of catching up to do, so many things happening, Pa.
Send my big love to God, I miss Him and I miss you too.
Goodnight❤️ #LetterForPapa

Imma just let you know some really boring shit that is in my brain

Okay so my safari is broken. Idk what happened I think it got a virus. So yeah I’m using Firefox which is ugh

much Tronnor happened today (in my brain I mean - they didn’t really do much except for Troye staying in Connor’s house while he’s away). I came up with many Troyler/Tronnor theories but none of them make complete sense so I’m not sharing them yet. Also Swarto. wow. and I officially believe that Larry was a thing because did you see that post. I don’t even care that much about 1D I just see posts every now and then so idk why I care about Larry. Just v attracted to same-sex couples I guess …? Lol I went to my family friend’s house for supper and she was talking about that 1D fic that everyone is reading with Harry and Tessa and all the straightness. I tried to show her the hat fic but she wouldn’t read it because they’re “gay” and she finds that disgusting. (not being gay, but the description of gay sex. This is South Africa. Nobody is really that homophobic)

High School Musical is a thing that I need to rewatch. and I need to catch up on my Agents of SHIELD. also my youtube subscriptions. shit I haven’t been up to date with that at all. 

Oh and I have exams starting on Wednesday oops forgot about that. I have definitely not started studying. at all. I haven’t even done my work that I’m supposed to have done. Or concentrated in class. So basically I’m screwed. lol sorry parents no A’s for you this time. I’ll get an A in music and probably English so I’ll be like.. okay? Maybe Afrikaans but I forgot that we had a test the last time we did so I failed by half a mark. because it was literature. and you actually have to study for those things.

*proceeds to relieve stress by forgetting about the real world and delving deep into the world of my Tronnor fantasies*


Since I don’t have a TV I normally don’t watch the news. Today’s boring so I thought why not?
So I’m watching the news and I wish I didn’t do that. There are so many bad things happening… Get your shit together, humanity.

specificity with lots of ambiguity

I thought about things long and hard all day today.
The what ifs, the whys, the why nots, and the hows.
The reoccurring thought in the forefront of my brain was “wow how is this my life right now?”
And then I thought about how I was right.
How I was waiting for this to happen. And now it’s happening.
It’s so interesting to analyze people and their actions because so many times actions do not match words at all.

And after all actions DO speak louder than words right? 

Well, now that it’s slowly evolving into what I thought it would, I have absolutely no idea what to do. 
Is this bad for me? It started to become bad for me but then again was it actually bad or did I just make it worse for myself?
I’m just going to keep looking out for myself and my well being because, at the end of the day, it’s me sitting in my bed and I’m either fast asleep with a cute little smile or in the fetal position not being able to move. 

Here’s to being ballsy always. 

this past week

has been actual hell a lot of it.
I lost my close friend, had to deal with her funeral.
so many other things are going on in my head right now 
and it’s utterly terrifying  I don’t know what to do at moments like this.

Why does this have to happen today.
out of all the days of this month today everything is hitting me.

fuck my life.

It’s so hard not to text you right now. I want to give you your space but it’s so fucking hard. I wanted today to happen so bad. I want to ask you so many questions. I want to ask you what you meant by “if I don’t move out” I want to ask you why yesterday you said I didn’t need a parking pass for school. Hell I want to ask you how to do things about school because I don’t know the first thing about it and you’ve been doing stuff for over a month now.. I just want you to be here with me in my room just sitting here and talking to me. I didn’t even care if we went to the movies today. I honestly just wanted to sit by the pool with you all day and talk. I just want to talk to you about everything again because I’m so scared right now and I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s so hard to not text you. So hard. I love you so much. Im really truly sorry for fucking up your life like always. I really really hope I stop fucking up soon so you don’t leave me. I really want to be better. I’ve never been so sure about something in my life and I don’t know why I am with you but I just am. I’m sorry sometimes I love so much I guess.. But I’ll get it. Hey I get better everyday right? At least that’s how I feel I hope that’s how you see it too… The one gate to my apartment complex has been broken for a few days now.. I wanted to tell you last night in hopes that you’d just show up and be with me randomly because you wanted to be with me. I hope it stays broken and you can show up while I sleep. But I guess that’s to big of a dream really.. I keep seeing Crysti’s post on snapchat and Instagram. I hope you didn’t just ditch out on me for a party again.. I’m really trying to not assume you did and I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt and that you are really just laying in your room because I really do feel like that’s what you are doing.

If there’s one thing that I’ve learnt from the past few years, that would be that your actions are always remembered, so choose them wisely.

Once in a while I do let myself review a flashback of history and ponder on things that have happened. After all, the present is built upon the foundation of history right?

In these rare times I still find myself asking “why”, and so many other questions that I’ve conveniently left under the carpet, unanswered. Maybe if I were to pick up the pieces again, I would have chosen to stand up and question them. But if so, I don’t think the present would be what it is today.

Once in a while I let doubt seep in.. I comfort myself in thinking that it’s always good to be double sure with a little doubt to challenge your decisions, but sometimes I just worry they are simply what they stand for - doubts.

While I think about it and carry these doubts, I just pray and ask God to lead me on to the right path, whichever it may be.

I pray that God will help me make the right decisions and not let the fear of “it’s too late for change we’ve come too far” hinder in sound options and decisions.

anonymous asked:

all odds :)

@ this anon: why you gotta play me like this?
1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?
- Probably
3. Have you taken someone’s virginity?
- No ma'am, no ham
5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?
- Well, I hung out with Shjan and Sean a second ago and I like them so a whole lot.
7. What happened tonight?
- A lot of things were let go of today, and it felt good to vent.
9. Is confidence cute?
11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
- 2? Maybe 3?
13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?
15. When was the last time you cried? Why?
- Saturday night when I watched Don’t Forget Me @ the 10 min play festival because it was so good and I was so proud of my friends.
17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking about anything?
- I tell different people different things.
19. Have you had sex today?
- I had a pretty good sandwich earlier, so basically.
21. Are you in a good mood?
- I’m like neutral rn.
23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?
- Duuuudeee, I wish.
25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed someone else?
- I don’t love or like anyone.
27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?
- Never.
29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?
- I’m constantly missing someone.
31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?
- Not at all, boy.
33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?
- No.
35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?
-All the time.
37. Do you believe in love at first sight?
-No, but I believe in lust at first sight.
39. Who was the last person you danced with?
- Cheyenne at banquet?
41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?
- A month ago?
43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?
- Probably. Can’t remember.
45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?
- I don’t think so.
47. Who was the last person to call you?
- Zoe, I think.
49. Do you dance in the car?
- Sometimes.
51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
- I was maybe 10? 11?
53. Is Christmas stressful?
- Very.
55. Favorite type of fruit pie?
- Cherry or Apple.
57. Do you believe in ghosts?
- Hardcore.
59. Take a vitamin daily?
- Most of the time, yeah.
61. Wear a bathrobe?
- No.
63. First concert?
- Shakira’s “Oral Fixation” tour.
65. Nike or Adidas?
- Both.
67. Peanuts or sun flower seeds?
- Peanuts.
69. Ever take dance lessons?
- Yes.
71. Can you curl your tongue?
- Yes.
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
- Often tbh.
75. Do you study better with or without music?
- With.
77. Have you ever been in love?
- Nope.
79. What was the last concert you saw?
- Fleetwood Mac
81. Tea or coffee?
- Both, for different reasons.
83. Can you swim well?
- I’m pretty okay at it.
85. Are you patient?
- Depends on what is testing my patience atm.
87. Ever won a contest?
- Nope.
89. Which is better, black or green olives?
- No olives is better than black or green ones.
91. Best room for a fireplace?
- Den? Idk.

So sorry for not blogging!

OMG guys I’m soooooooo soooooooo sorry that I didn’t blog in the last couple of days I just never had enough time you know why it’s like being a girl you got to many cool things to do…but don’t worry I’m not gone I’m still here!

So what you been up to? I went shopping today and got a really cute top from Big W!!! Ikr BIG W!? Anyway nothing is really happening although my dad went to Melbourne, Australia yesterday for work and he’s coming back today!? So we are going out for dinner

Seeming I didn’t blog yesterday I will now so yesterday my brother, his friend, my mum and I went to see an at hour that both my brother and his friend really like! Ever heard of David Walliams that’s who we saw bassically he’s an author/comedian which is even better! We took photos with him and bought all his 8 books! (And got them all signed!) so yeah it was a lot of fun!

Anyway just wrote a massive blog so I better go! Don’t forget to comment down below what you’ve been up to!

Anonymous online, going offline xx

oh mY GOSH the most awkward thing happened to me today while i was working at the grocery store. we’re supposed to end every transaction by telling the customer how many cents they have off gas, like five or ten or whatever, and we’re supposed to start each transaction by saying “Do you have your lowes card?” so i finished one guest and turned to the next and fumbled and said, “Do you have gas?” and he jUST STARED AT ME LIKE WHY ARE YOU ASKING THIS PERSONAL QUESTION TO ME, LOWES EMPLOYEE

I went to church for the first time in a while and today just proved to me why I don’t like going. They talked about homosexuality and how it’s wrong and everything in between. I wanted to walk right out the door but I couldn’t just walk home. It just made me so mad and I couldn’t take it. I’m a firm believer in God because there are so many good things in life that have happened because of him. And I do believe that he created everyone for different purposes and reasons. He created homosexuality for a reason. There are very few things I hate more than other people judging other people for their happiness. Sure I know I do it from time to time but I would never push it to the point where it is someone’s life and something they can’t change. People can believe in whatever sexuality they think is “right”. But what should be right all around, is everybody’s and anybody’s ability to be happy.