“This is a grotesque abuse of power by the President of the United
States. This is the kind of thing that goes on in non-democracies. That
when there is an investigation that reaches near the President of the
United States, or the leader of a non-democracy, they fire the people
who are in charge of the investigation. I have not seen anything like
this since October 20th of 1973 when President Richard Nixon fired
Archibald Cox, the Watergate Special Prosecutor. This is something that
is not within the American political tradition. That firing led -
indirectly but certainly - to the resignation of President Nixon, and
this is very much in this tradition. This is NOT normal. This is not
politics as usual. This is something that is COMPLETELY outside how
American law is supposed to work.
we point out that the emperor is not wearing any clothes? This memo
from Rod Rosenstein says that James Comey was fired for being too mean
to Hillary Clinton. Does anyone believe that?? Could anyone believe
that??? I mean, it’s just absurd! That suddenly, here it is in May of
2017, that he’s being fired for a press conference that he held in July
of 2016?? I mean, this is just the most preposterous pretext.
This is an
investigator who is investigating the White House. AND HE WAS JUST
FIRED BY THE WHITE HOUSE. This doesn’t happen in the United States.
Except on October 20th 1973, when Richard Nixon fired Archibald Cox. And
if anyone thinks that a new FBI director is going to come in and the
agency is just going to take over as if nothing has happened, that’s not
how it works! They will put in a stooge who will shutdown this
investigation. They are in charge. The political people are in charge of
the FBI, not the street agents. The street agents do what they are
told. Now Donald Trump will put someone who will do this bidding.
You know, Rod Rosenstein is a distinguished prosecutor, I
interviewed him when he was in Baltimore, he had a very good reputation
here - and how he could affix his name to that DISGRACEFUL MEMO, this
total lie, this pretext, this absurd memorandum, that suggests that the
basis for firing Jim Comey is the Hillary Clinton investigation is one
of the many mysterious that abound today. But keep in mind, and this is
what we just have to keep in mind because everything that Donald Trump
does sort of becomes normal, “Oh, he says things on Twitter. Oh, this is
just Donald Trump being Donald Trump”. This is NOT normal. We do NOT
fire FBI Directors when they are closing in on the White House. This is
not something that has happened before in American history.
[Q: So why do you think he was fired?]
Because the FBI is running an investigation against Donald Trump and
Russia - AND APPARENTLY IT’S GETTING TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT. That is the
only rational conclusion that you can draw from this fire.
Keep in mind
that what Rod Rosenstein says in this letter is that what Comey said in
his press conference LAST JULY was “outrageous”and that
“it was just terrible” - well, Donald Trump QUOTED from that press
conference REPEATEDLY. He was delighted by that press conference! How can that be grounds for his firing right now??? It makes NO SENSE. It’s
We can try to dress it up, but it’s just NOT credible that
Donald Trump fired Jim Comey for being too mean to Hillary Clinton. It’s
just NOT possible.
This is a White House that wanted to fire Comey and was looking for a reason.”
What really gets me about 13 reasons why is Hannah tried to get help and feel better so many times and was just shut down and ignored. She went to the counselor which is something people tell us we should do whenever we feel the way Hannah was feeling, and he let her down in a hugely major way. All he had to do was speak up, give her and the people who love her a chance to help her fight. She wrote a poem and a letter depicting how she was stuck and trapped in life and wanted to die, basically screaming for help and again no one did anything to help her. It truly breaks my heart that even through all the incredibly messed up shit going on in her life, she still gave life chances and tried her best ALONE until it was too much. She was a fighter, she fought the best she could, alone and broken but still fighting. I think she wanted to live and she tried so many times even after the traumatizing things she experienced, i think people just eventually broke her so far she just couldn’t get back together. People have to speak up, they have to realize words have more power than they think, it might not seem like a big deal but it is. It could literally spare a life. These things actually happen in real life, people don’t know how to handle mental health because it can be an uncomfortable topic, but they need to learn. We all do. Especially in the society we live today where most teens have anxiety and depression disorders and so many other mental health problems. Hannah would’ve gotten through it if she had the support she needed, it was the carelessness and indifference of the people around her that killed her.
if you actually think ableism doesnt exist and is just some new tumblr buzzword, you seriously gotta get your head out of your ass and open your eyes.
the simple fact that, despite how awful ableism has been in the past, and how rampant and horrible it is today, and even after so many awful things that happen because of the constant ableism, there are still people who choose to believe it doesnt exist, who think the disabled dont go through as much as another group, or anything at all, shows how deeply embedded ableism is in this world.
why do you think you dont hear about this in history books? or in rallies? why do you think you need to literally search for stories about ableism? Because ableism is so bad that no one believes it exists so they dont include it in anything, even social justice movements that claim to fight for equality and be better than “the privileged” have a very VERY long and toxic history of ableism, a history that is still continued today, because no one calls out ableism in anything, because its so bad we dont think it exists.
so if you actually think ableism doesnt exist, congrats, youre proving that it does, because in order to believe such a serious form of discrimination is just some dorky internet trend made up by whiny teens, you have to ignore and erase every form of ableism ever.
in short, you have to be ableist to think ableism doesnt exist.
i am so devastated and heartbroken by the events last night in Manchester at Ari concert.22 souls are dead.many more are injured and sacred for life.this is not okay.this IS NOT supposed to happen at a concert of ALL places.a “safe” place.
this was supposed to be a fun night for those kids and their friends and families,a night filled with love and excitement,a night where they meet their idol and sing her songs and dance and laugh and take stupid pictures.not THIS.why would anyone do such thing.kill innocent.kill kids.i cried myself to sleep last night because i don’t understand it.how much hate is in this world?what type of person do you need to be to BLOW innocent kids,enjoying a freaking concert?!i am shaking just thinking about it.i though Westminster was bad …but this,this is UNSPEAKABLE.
what do i do about it?how do i go about my everyday life,knowing that things like this are happening?
i am sorry guys,i am just SO crushed.my thoughts and prayers go with the victims and their families and Ari and her crew and all the people affected by this horrible event.E-V-E-N-T.such a horrendous act of violence and hatred is “an event” now….please people be safe and try not to spread MORE hate.iloveyouallandiamsososad.
Every once in a while we stop and think about the routines we have fallen into, the lives we have become comfortable with, and the surrounding we are accustomed to. Sometimes we feel a little lost in the direction we are headed. Sometimes we feel a little stuck. Sometimes we feel like we are not being honest with ourselves and are not living the life we actually want to live if money was not an object.
There are so many things we wish we could do but we haven’t come around to doing it. We feel like there is more to life. We feel like we might be wasting our time if we don’t do it, yet, we feel stuck. There are so many reasons that we seem to be telling ourselves why we haven’t come around to doing it. We may feel like we don’t have enough time, but if we don’t make time for it, when will we ever make it happen? We may say that we don’t have enough money, but do we really need so much capital to begin with or can we take a leap of faith in ourselves and let life lead the way? We may feel like the time is not right, but if we keep waiting around, when will it ever be right? We may feel like we’re not ready, but we will never feel ready until we have already done it once.
When these doubts or feelings occur, ask yourself these questions to help you determine what you really want out of life, where you are headed, and what you should do.
1. If not now, then when?
2. What would you do if nobody would judge you?
3. Have you done something worth remembering lately?
4. Time or money?
5. What is the one thing you are proud of but would never put on your resume?
6. In 20 years from now, what do you want to remember?
7. What is something that you have always wanted to do since you were a kid?
8. When did you first realize life is short?
9. What memory from the past makes you smile the most?
10. Are you proud of what you are doing or what have you done?
11. In one year from today, how do you want to be different?
12. Are you doing what you believe in or settling for what you are doing?
13. What do you need to do to make it happen?
14. What do you absolutely love in life?
15. Has your greatest fear come true?
16. What is success for you?
17. What makes you feel great about yourself?
18. What do you admire most in the world?
19. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like doing?
20. When was the last time you started something new?
21. In order of importance, how would you rank happiness, money, love, health, fame?
22. What was the thing that didn’t last forever, but was still worth a while?
23. What has fear or failure stopped you from doing?
24. In one word, how would you spend the last month of your life?
25. What do you want to be known for?
26. What are you thankful for?
27. What do you need to let go of?
28. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
To actually sit down and answer all of these questions might be harder than you think. But I hope that after doing this self-discovery exercise, you now have a clear direction of what you want out of life and what you should do.
If your are comfortable doing it could you tell us a bit about yourself ? Thank you for your posts !
Hi Anon! Of course I love asks! (What is happening today everyone is so nice oh my god, thank you for your love)
What got me into figure skating : GPF 2015 - Yuzuru’s FS (I don’t need to explain do I ?) I knew of figure skating before but wasn’t into it.
Why Shoma : His passion, his SS, how he was a darkhorse last season, so many things, how do you not love him.
(I don’t really know what to say at this point)
Languages : I’m French, I speak fluent English, understand most of Japanese but not quite enough to be translating it with ease (wich is why I don’t do it often) understand common Spanish but can’t speak it, I know a very little bit of Korean too.
Personality : Quiet but not shy, I’m passionate about what I like but I procrastinate too much, I show love by care rather than by affections. I can’t work in a group.
If you met me : I’m shorter than Shoma (1,52m), my hair are long to my waist, I’m probably younger than you expect, uuuh, I’ll probably look like I need some sleep and this post is becoming an autobiography so I’ll stop here x)
I was late for work. So very late for work. I had never been this late for work in my life. But that sure as hell wasn’t gonna stop me from getting a coffee before I actually headed into the office. Going without coffee for the day was unacceptable, most people would agree with me on that. And there was no way I was going to drink the black sludge in the communal kitchen area.
Starbucks was across the street from my new office anyway, Thank God. So it wasn’t like I was going to save that much time by skipping. However, I stepped inside to see the longest line in the history of lines. Ugh.
I pulled my phone from my heavy winter coat, disentangling myself from the puffy red scarf my mother had knitted for me as I tried to get my glove off. I finally just resorted to pulling it off with my teeth. I was in the middle of a text to my co-worker Tom when I glanced up.
It was a two second glance up from my phone.
Barely a blip.
I wasn’t even looking at anything.
But there he was. Standing about six feet away from me, a smirk on his face that definitely said he wasn’t happy to see me.
A woman walking down the street had just been given the worst news of her life. She had cancer and didn’t know whether she was going to live or die. What would she tell her children. She was stopped by a man in the street.
“You have breast cancer, right?”
“Yes.” She said breathlessly.
“You’ll be fine. I promise.” With that, he walked away.
This man was a complete stranger to her. How in the world did he know that about her? She didn’t have a clue. But, his prediction came true. She beat cancer and has been in remission for ten years.
We’ve all had that happen to us, more or less. We get strange feelings, premonitions, dreams, and visions. There are no real explanations for them, but we just know things. We don’t know why we know them. Why can’t there be a set of people out there that have tuned into this all the time?
Skepticism is healthy. You should be skeptical of anyone that can see into the future or at least tell you that they can. However, why is that so farfetched when I can guarantee you all of us have had feelings that something bad or good was going to happen and then it did. There are just some people on earth that can tap into those feelings all the time.
Animals know things. They have even been known to predict death, special weather occurrences, and other things. So why is it so strange that a human can do it?
Remain skeptical but open to the possibilities. I have helped people with many life situations. Even the most staunch skeptic, I’ve made a believer. Try out a psychic reading today.
A family bought an abandoned farm without realizing that there was an unidentified cemetery right where they put their first garden. They didn’t give it much thought, but then strange and unexplained accidents started happening on the farm. Even the livestock refused to go to the barn. Things started making sense when they found crumpled up letters inside the walls and a diary in the attic.
Pic: Dear diary, I can’t sleep tonight, I can still hear everyone arguing downstairs. Grandpa lost his arm today. When they brought him from the barn he was covered in blood. Mother said he was careless and is so upset with grandpa. I know Grandpa would never do anything stupid. Grandpa keeps telling me this place is haunted. Why are there so many ACCIDENTS on our farm?
You can read more of the letters and diary entries HERE.
i’m proud of my country okay? because today is the 25th of april and it’s been 43 years since the end of the dictatorship. and everyone is outside celebrating and telling the stories of how it happened and how happy they all wore to finally be free and i want to tell you that story because it’s so important and positive and i feel like the world needs to hear it
okay so there was this professor named salazar and he was cool and the guy in charge said “yo mate do you wanna maybe take care of our finances? because let’s be real it’s fucking shit right now and i have no idea what to do pls help” and he said yes because he was cool and knew how to do that and everything went great, our economy rose like it never did before and everyone was really happy about that so they elected salazar for president but then it turned out he wasn’t that cool because he thought some fucked up shit but everyone liked him because “hey we’re not poor anymore let’s trust this guy” which lead to him having absolute power (we all know that ain’t good - except apparently turkey - in case you don’t know what that means - turkey apparently doesn’t - let me tell you: it’s when a fucktard that is mean, even if you don’t know it yet, has power over literally everything; they control education, economy, agriculture, food rationing, military, everything you can imagine exists to run in a country is for them and NO ONE can stop them from doing whatever they want… they want to make a law where you can’t pet dogs? boom it’s done because since no one else is responsible for anything anymore that fucktard can do ANYTHING - well done turkey). where was i? yeah so salazar got absolute power and proceeded to change education, from then on kids only learnt what he wanted them to learn (which consisted in maths, portuguese, geography, religion and a bunch of other stuff that taught everyone that women belonged in the house with the kids and men belonged in the workforce and anyone who dared talking shit about the regime that was now installed would be arrested and then killed probs by the international police of state defense. they also had to say the abc and sing the national anthem everyday at the beggining of class and there were schools for girls and schools for boys). this shit went on, with everyone opposing ending up dead or running away from the country until dear salazar, very sick, fell from a chair and DIED! HA! SERVES YOU RIGHT BITCH! so another fucking asshole took place and kept the regime going but now it was fragile so more and more opposing movements started to organize until on the 24th april the movement of the armed forces (that worked for the regime mind you) took over the radio (which was highly restricted to specific content as were books and other media) and they played a revolutionary song (which is v cool and makes you feel powerful af so listen to it please while you read, i can translate later if you want). naturally everyone listening was like “wtfff is happening???” and the MFA (movement of the armed forces) made an announcement saying they did not want to spill blood and that this was a pacific revolution so every civilian was to stay at home while they took over the gorvernment. so it was about 1 am, 25th april and they went out and marched and they were all carrying their guns and there’s a legend that says this lady who sold flowers got every carnation she had and put it in each man’s shotgun barrel and they kept marching and they overthrew the government and NO ONE DIED AND I’M SO PROUD AND I CAN’T EXPRESS HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO LIVE IN A COUNTRY WHERE I AM FREE TO MARRY WHOEVER I WANT, WHERE WE ARE UNITED AS ONE AND WHERE IF WE GO DOWN WE GO DOWN TOGETHER
open to: f/m/nb relationship: friend, stranger??, potential love interest (m/nb)
JINRI HAD MEANT TO KNOCK, that was really her intention as she was usually, on most days, a woman who was always reminded of her manners no matter what happened. But today, out of her excitement, she accidentally barged into their door without knocking whatsoever so what her eyes l a n d e d on gave her immediate shock(her eyes blown wide, lips hanging open as her hand came up to cover it). “I… I… um… I’m so SO terribly sorry… I… I’ll take my leave, then…”
What it do homies? Your boi still here and shit. Sorry I hardly post here I just reblog art and nsfw shit, So it’s been one year since the death of my grandmother I’ve been alright but I‘ve been eating unhealthy stuff for the past year. I will work on that I promise for real lol. So I know some yall already know that I’m not in art school anymore. Why? Well too many complications going with me and managing time because that art school has major time management thing and I’m terrible at that.Also, the cost was too much for me. So I’m at regular university majoring in Visual Arts. I’m almost done with my finals so summer break ahoy!! I do have a story to tell yall but it involves my brother and I don’t feel like ranting today so I just wanted to tell you guys I’m doing good and I’m still trying to manage and btw, about law suit nothing major has happen and its almost one year since I filed one so this might take a while.
This is the translation of Reika’s letter to Wakatsuki during Waka’s Birthday Ceremony on 140621 Handshake Event. (Thanks chichan54 for the translation!)
I’m writing a letter now, so… To Yumi. Happy 20th birthday! Now we both are 20 years old. Time sure flies fast. I can feel much time has passed ever since we joined Nogizaka. I’ve been feeling this recently, no, from a long time ago, that I want to become Wakatsuki.
I want to think fast like Waka. I want to be appealing like Waka. I want to be a person who can work hard like Waka. Yumi is the person that I admire. She is the one that I respect. I can learn lots of things being with Yumi. I’m thinking that the one that stays with Yumi most of the times is me, isn’t it?
That is why I know about Yumi when she is working hard the best. I did tell her “Don’t work hard too much”, but now I want to apologize for saying so. Always do the best in everything, that is Wakatsuki Yumi for you! And I think I am attracted to that Wakatsuki Yumi. That is why, please continue to do your best in everything and stay as the person that I admire.
I love you (daisuki desu). Thank you for always being beside me. This is enough for a letter. I will talk to you more later when we go back to backstage, slowly, with just two of us. Fans, you all may see Wakatsuki like this, but truthfully she is very girly, she cries very easily, and she is weaker than you think she is. That is why, please support her on her blog and treat her as a girl at handshake events.
And this is Wakatsuki’s reply:
Thank you. Though it will turn into a sad talk, but I really hated myself before I joined Nogizaka, I did not know why I was existing… That is why to think this many people congratulate my birthday (sobs) I am glad that I am alive now. It is good that I have been living until now. But you know, I will still continue to live tomorrow (lol).
I do not know at what I should try hard, but I want to return everyone a favor. I am happy that we are able to have this handshake event that has my seitansai today. Lots of things happened, so I worried whether we could have handshake events, but the system changed and everyone also cooperated with us.
I also talked with members at the backstage, that “the distance (between fans and us) got a little further away”. But please do not worry. The distance between our hearts and you all will not get any further. I am really a lucky person! Joining Nogizaka and being able to meet my friends and everyone are my most precious treasures. Thank you very much.
This might be slightly stupid thing to ask, but how do you get interested in reading again? I used to read so many books when I was younger but now after school/work, I'm so tired that I'd rather watch TV than read.
Hey lovely, this isn’t stupid at all, I think its happening to most readers today and I definitely find this problem! I have a lot of thoughts on why this is, but long story short it’s because of a) book elitism and b) instant gratification due to the development of television, internet etc and its harder to both make the commitment and maintain interest in books (I even find it hard to finish a two hour long movie most nights). But, as our attention spans are becoming shorter its even more important to keep reading, and last year I finally decided to get out of my reading rut and committed to reading 52 books throughout the year (which isn’t that much to some people, but was more than I had read over the previous few years). Some things that helped me:
I don’t understand how anyone who reads doesn’t use Good Reads already, but it is amazing for organising your reading. You search for books you want to read, have read or are currently reading and “shelve” them accordingly so you can find them better. I use this to look at reviews, see what my GR’s friends have been reading/recommending, and search different genres or categories to find things I may be interested in.
Set A Goal Though you can do this by yourself and keep a number in mind, I’d recommend using Good Reads’ Reading Challenge as it shows how many books behind/in front you are and the percentage you have finished for the year (displayed on a progress bar). At the end, it will also give you an overview of your year of reading, showing how many pages you read, the longest and shortest books, your average rating, your favourites and other cool things. Actually visualising your progress can really, really help and keep you motivated to stay on top of your goal (it got me to read around 15 books in december to finish my 52). For some people this may only make reading stressful which is NOT good (so if thats the case don’t do it), but if you like planning definitely set your goal now!
Blogging about literature that I loved or wanted to read on Tumblr also really helped motivate me, especially when people started asking me about books. If you want more readers to follow/talk to you, try making edits or posts for your fandoms and initiate conversations. Also make sure you follow people who blog about literature so it comes on your dash more frequently and keeps you interested! If instagram or youtube fits you better, try looking at people who discuss books on there too.
Environment and Different Mediums If you get distracted when reading, try to create a space or situation strictly for books. This could be a room in your house, lying on the end of your bed, sitting in a beanbag with a cup of tea — just something you recognise as a place for reading. Make sure you keep your laptop and phone away so you don’t get distracted! You can also try downloading books onto your phone or computer so when you’re away from home and need entertainment you might pick it up and get invested (this has helped me start reading several times after becoming bored at the hairdressers or on the bus, even though I prefer physical books).
Re-Read Your Favourite Books This is the absolute most important thing when getting back into reading. Never feel pressured to read classics, memoirs or best sellers if they simply don’t interest you! The best thing you can do is pick up one of your favourite books so you know you will finish it quickly, because it will make you want to keep turning pages. It’s even better if there is a series you love, as that gets you back in the habit of picking up another book straight away (reading Harry Potter always helps me). Similarly, don’t be afraid to put a book down if you don’t enjoy it - there is no shame in moving on if it’s just going to make you dislike reading again and lose interest. Never feel ashamed of reading something others don’t like or approve of, if you don’t enjoying reading then there is no point at all.
Bonus; do whatever else motivates you! It doesn’t matter if what you enjoy/get motivated by is what other people call superficial or whatever else. If a pretty book cover makes you want to pick it up then buy books with pretty covers! If taking pictures for #bookstagram helps to motivate you than do it!!! Just rediscover the excitement of reading again, the feeling of staying up all night to finish a good book, rushing to the local store because you can’t wait for a new instalment. Reading should always be enjoyable, so make sure you are reading for you and not just because you feel like you should.
sorry everyone if this isnt that great, but this is the first time for me
You wake up a few hours later
unaware of where you are for a moment, thinking last night was all a bizarre
dream. You realize you are alone in the
bed. You sit up and stretch with a yawn. You get out of bed and decide to take
a quick bath. You run the hot water in to the bath and strip down to nothing
and step in. Your body is completely submerged in the water. You sigh and close
your eyes while slowly sink all the way in to the tub. After a couple of seconds,
you pull your head out of the water to breathe and push your hair back from
your face. You lean your head back and open your eyes. You jump at the sight of
the Clown Prince of Crime wearing his famous purple coat and white dress shirt
under it, staring at your naked body, He purrs softly.
“You know doll, if you had waited a
little longer daddy would have played with you,” He says with a grin. You stand
up grabbing a nearby towel and wrap it around yourself while letting the water
“I’m sorry, Mr. J I didn’t know how
long you would be gone,” you said as you looking in to his mesmerizing blue
eyes. He laughs at this, putting his left hand with the smile tattoo in
replacement of his own mouth and moves closer to you, wrapping his arm around
your waist pulling you into a hard kiss causing a stinging pain to shoot from
your busted bottom lip. You groan against his lips; he puts his free hand in
your wet hair pushing you in for a harder kiss. He invades your mouth his
tongue, you fall under his spell and wrap your arms around his neck. He rips
off your towel with his hand that was around your waist leaving you exposed.
He pushes you against the wall with
his own body, you feel the harsh coldness against you back. You began to push
his coat off his shoulders and make your way to unbuttoning his shirt. He pulls
away for your lips and begins to kiss and suck on you neck while you take of
his shirt. He groans against your neck, running his hand over your right breast.
Your breathing becomes heavier; your legs start to fail you; he begins to pull
your long (H/C) hair to the side, making your neck more available for his blood
red lips to explore. He kisses you all the way from your collarbone up to your
“Is this what you want?” He
whispers in a husky voice running his hands up your thigh getting so close to
your womanhood. You nod your head and bite your lip. He wraps other hand around
your throat. “Oh, please say it for daddy,” He gives you a fake pout.
“Please, Daddy,” You say through
hard breathing. “I want this,” You can feel heat rush over your face. He grins
at your words and picks you up, your ass sitting in his arms, you wrap your
arms and legs around him, burying your face into his neck as he carries you in
He drops you on bed, he begins to
undoes his pants and pulls them down along with his boxers, when you see his huge
erection a groan escapes your lips. He lets way to a smile as he pulls your
hands above your head with one hand and rubs his tip against your clit. You
moan slightly, you buck your hips, hoping your torture will end soon.
“Please, Mr. J,” you beg trying to
control yourself but you can’t fight it anymore. You feel like you are going to
burst at the seams. He gives you a wicked smile and leans in and kiss you hard,
then grabbing your bottom lip in between his metal teeth while pushing himself
inside of with such force at you let a loud moan and he lets go of your lip You
pull your hands free from his grip, whipping your arms around his neck and dig
your nails into his back. He lets out a low purr and throws his head back as he
moves in and out faster and harder than the last, with each thrust you dig your
nails harder in to his back. You bite his shoulder to try and keep quiet. He
pulls your hair making your head fall back on the bed.
“Don’t hide your face, doll,” He
says through heavy breathing. He wraps his hand your throat and applies
pressure. You begin to feel an orgasm build up deep inside of you, you arch
your back and moan his name. He lets go of your hair and pulls up one of your
legs and holds it in place, going in deeper, hard up and speeding up, pulling
you closer to the edge. He removes his hand from your throat, he leans into you
taking your neck in his mouth. You hear him began to moan against your neck
pushing you over and making you yell his name. He thrust a few more time before
he growls in your ear and gives you his release. He pulls out of you and crawls
out of bed.
“You look… you look like you really
enjoyed yourself,” He says with an evil smile, push his green hair back in
place. Your blush at his words, and prop yourself on your elbows trying to
catch your breath. The Joker lets out a loud laugh that sends shivers down your
spine. You stand up but have to steady yourself to make sure you don’t fall
back. Mr. J walks over to his closet to get dress. He puts on a pair of black
dress pants on and a purple dress shirt, he throws you another one of his dress
shirt and a pair of his boxers to wear.
“Frost is out getting you some
clothes. For now, I need you to say in this room,” Joker tells you as you get
dress. He takes your chin in his hand and gives you a rough kiss.
“Are you leaving?” You ask with
pout on your face. The Joker pats your cheek gently.
“Doll…Daddy is a very busy man,” He
says with a smile. “I’ll be back in about an hour.” He says before he walks out
the door leaving you alone again. You turn on the stereo, a woman’s voice comes
through, her voice is very sweet and the music sounds like a creepy lullaby.
You leave the song as you go to the bed to relax as you wait for the Clown
Prince to return. You close your eyes as the music flows around you.
You begin to doze off when a
ringing pulls you back in to reality. You sit up to investigate. The ringing
came from the closet, you got up and walked in, you find a pile of your things
you had showed up in. You start to dig though to find your phone. ‘I thought I
lost this, when I was attack.’ You press the answer button and put the phone to
“(Y/N), where are you, I heard that
you weren’t at work today so I went to your apartment to check on you.” Bell
says sounds concerned. “What happen to you last night? Why did some random guy tell
me you went home instead of doing it yourself,” She asked flustered.
“Bell, slow down. I’m okay, just
had one too many drinks last night and I need some air,” You begin to lie. “I
ended up meeting a guy and I went home with him. I was going to come and tell
you myself but he said his friend will let you know.” You couldn’t tell her the
truth; she would end up calling the cops. ‘Hell she would probably call Batman
if she could.’ You think to yourself.
“Well, where are you now? I can
come pick you up and we can talk about this new one-night stand,” She says with
a little excitement. You walk back to the room, turn off the stereo and sit on
“Actually, I’m hoping that me and
him will do something tonight,” You say and bite your lip.
“Wow you barely know this guy and
you’re already blowing me off for him.” She says with a chuckle.
“I’m sorry, Bell. I promise I’ll
see you soon. I just really like him,” You reassure her.
“It’s okay, I’m just glad that you
are doing alright,” She says, you hang up the phone.
off the couch and go to the bathroom, you look in the mirror. Your hair is
tangled, you have a scab on your lip, bruises on your neck from the Jokers love
bites and fingers. You look like you had gotten into a fight. You try to fix
your hair but nothing helps. You go back in to the bedroom and look around.
‘I’m so bored,’ you think to yourself. ‘I’m sure Mr. J won’t notice if I leave
the room for a minute.’
open the bedroom door into the long hallway, you look around and make sure no
one is around, once you know that you are in the clear you leave the room
closing the door behind you. You start to walk down the hall. There is a door
to the right off you that is slightly opened. You hear people inside. You push
yourself against the wall, holding your breath.
true that (Y/N) is Alex’s sister?” a man said from inside the room.
the boss brought her here last night from the club,” another said.
she know what happen to him?”
don’t think so, and I’m sure the boss would kill us too if she finds out what
he did.” Your heart drops, tears begin to well in your eyes, you run back to the
bedroom and close the door behind you. You couldn’t hold it back any more you
busted in to tears. ‘There’s no way. The Joker couldn’t have killed my brother.
Why did he do it? What did my brother ever do?’ You cry so hard you can’t
breathe. ‘Who am I kidding? It’s the Joker, he could have just killed him
because he could,’ You sit on the couch and pull your knees to your chest.
you hear the bedroom door open. Mr. J walks in and closes the door behind him. All
the sadness that you were feeling turns to rage.
A/N: This is nowhere on my request or personal list but I was just in class the other day doing my physics lab then suddenly this popped into my head. HEHE so I HOPE YOU LIKE IT.
AND GUYS PLEASE DON”T GET ME WRONG IN THIS FIC, I LOOOOVE ROME OF C-CLOWN AND HAVE NOTHING AGAINST HIM, tbh I was gonna do Kris at first but he didn’t seem fit enough, but Rome on the other hand, I just thought his bad boy side really fit this and his neck is reallllyyyyyy super sexy hot soooooooo anywayssssss carrying on…..
AND btw, for those of you who aren’t a Crown or Salt, ‘Byu’ is also Rome
AND I don’t really play cards (yeah I know, some kind of Asian I am) so I had a friend explain a game to me, and tried reallyyyyyy hard to interpret it. So I’m really sorry if that part gets a bit confusing.
His eyes bored holes into your face, you wanted to look at him but you couldn’t, you didn’t have enough confidence to face him, you weren’t in the position to have the right to look at him. It was wrong, looking at him would just pierce your heart even more and when he was gone you’d have to hold your tears back, your mind would be clogged with images of his face. You’d rather hold it in now then pay the price later.
“______-ah. Come here.” Said the man you were standing behind. His voice cold. Your legs shook as you stepped towards him. Your head was down, and hands held together in front of you.
Oh, Nini. You have no idea how happy I’d be if I had someone like you in my life. You’re my ideal friend. It may sound silly coming from an unknown person like me, but as I’ve said previously I really like you as a person. Again, I don’t know you personally but the small bits of personality that I get from the internet are enough for me to understand. Understand just how rare of a person you are. Rare in a positive way. I’ve withdrawn my personality my entire life,
(1) I’ve never got the chance to be myself with anybody for so many reasons (shyness, fear of being judged, being too exposed, giving too much and getting too little etc…), it sucks. I’m aware of my flaws, yet I’m not able to change. Just like at school; I know I could study more and ace those tests, yet I never give my best. Sometimes I think I’m too picky, delusional. People tell me that sometimes. I’m very observant, unfortunately,
(2) and I can’t bring myself to open up to people whose behavior I don’t like.. It’s stronger than me. I’ve tried to lower my standards, to get rid of expectations but it doesn’t work. I’m still depressed and lonely. It’s so exhausting. That few times where I get to meet nice people, I end up losing them. I’m not surprised about it though. I’m complicated. Everything I’ve ever wished for was a friend. A true one. Affection. Being understood.
(3) Differently from my friends I’m not searching for a lover. Just a friend. That’s it. But the problem is that I’m a walking contradiction. I’ve always been the cheerful, carefree and funny friend, a true extrovert. One would never tell I’m a bucket of depression, self-loathing and loneliness, because I can’t bring myself to open up. I tried with a psychologist, talking to her about all the shit that’s happened to me in my 19 years of worthlessness. But it didn’t change anything.
(4) She seemed like a plain worker to me, doing her everyday job, and I was just another patient. It was her job. She couldn’t give two shits. I wonder if there’s really something wrong with me. I’ll probably be unhappy for the rest of my life if I keep being like this. You give me hope sometimes. But then I realize that you are on the other part of the planet, which reminds me that people like you are rare and I probably won’t have the privilege to meet them. The chances are very low.
(5) *sighs* Now I’m here having an existential crisis. Sometimes I wish I was like some people I know; very close minded and shallow. They simply don’t think about certain things. Oh god, I’m rambling. I’m always sending you essays, ¾ very depressing ones. I’m so sorry about that Nini hahah forgive me! <3 ily (lost anon)
hello lost anon bub! firstly, im really flattered that you’d think so highly of me! but the truth is, im just like you. im a regular human, with regular flaws. ive been depressed and suicidal since i was 13, i have a major anxiety disorder, minor obsessive compulsive disorder, severe social anxiety, and come from an extremely abusive household. i am an immigrant, and the child of poor immigrants, who place an absurd amount of pressure on me to succeed. i grew up just above poverty level, and live with the constant burden of not doing well, of not succeeding, of disappointing people. those are just a few of the obstacles i have faced and continue to face in life.
i do not tell you this to be like “my life is sadder and harder than yours” or give a lecture like that (in truth, i don’t know who you are, or what your circumstances are, and i’m not in a position to be lecturing anyone besides perhaps my sister when she dates an idiot boy). i tell you this to give you insight into some of the darker aspects of my life, and how, despite all of this, i have managed to carve a path for myself. ive been able to find good people, put myself in good situations, and work hard to take control of my life. at present, i am a bio major, premed in university, i am the undergraduate behavioral specialist at a neurobiology and epigenetics lab (ive been published twice in neurology in the last year), vice president of an organization that has a student-run free health clinic for the homeless, undocumented, and refugees, where i volunteer on the weekends and do social work, i do traditional and folk sri lankan dancing, i am a devout sinhala buddhist, and i also write some really wild stories for a really wild ship when i have a rare moment of free time.
to repeat what i said in the previous paragraph– i dont say this to show off or try to tear you down, but to explain my personal situation. every single day is an uphill battle. every day, there’s a new challenge, something in my life that is trying to hold me back, prevent me from accomplishing the things i dream of doing. every single person has odds stacked against them– some more so than others, and some of them cannot be so easily resolved. every person has troubles, flaws, disabilities. but that does not give you an excuse to give up. that does not give you an excuse to feel sorry for yourself.
self pity is very… seductive. it gives us a reason to be passive in our lives, to continue to let our issues overrun our lives. it’s easy. it requires absolutely no effort. it’s simple to stay in bed all day. it’s easy to go through the motions of life with blinders on, just feeling emotions and reacting to them in the easiest, knee-jerk way.
this seems very strange, right? why would anyone want to do that? that doesn’t sound particularly fun to me. the truth is that everyone does this, to some degree, in various contexts. it’s easier to be passive than to take ownership of your actions. when things go wrong, it’s easier to pin the blame on other things, to say it couldn’t be helped. it’s a self-preservation tactic. my writing professor was actually talking about this in class today– he asked why so many people are so adamant about denying climate change. why is it, that despite nearly every scientist saying it’s happening, despite all the evidence around us, people continue to swear up and down that it doesn’t exist?
its because admitting that there is a problem means taking ownership. it means that we suddenly become responsible. it means we get uprooted from our way of living, of behaving, and suddenly, we have to change what we’re doing.
and most people are lazy. changing means putting in work. humans are inclined to routine, to efficiency and simplicity, to put in minimal effort and expect maximum results. it’s simple for us to fall into the sameness of life. changing requires courage, diligence, and a fuck ton of work.
tumblr has a very toxic mentality when it comes to mental illness. it’s mostly about scoring as many pity points as possible. about complaining about an issue, but when faced with solutions and suggestions, immediately shutting down and making excuses, because being sad is more comfortable and more easy than trying to be introspective, working through issues, looking for solutions and acting upon them, despite the odds.
it’s toxic, and to be frank, very boring. it doesn’t set a good example for neurodivergent people such as myself and so many others on this website who have to battle against these illnesses and disabilities every day. mental illnesses are tough enough to deal with on their own– it’s absolutely not conducive to be in an environment where passivity, apathy, and bitterness are encouraged, and normalized. because it tells us that it’s okay to let life go by, that it’s okay to let our issues consume us, that it’s okay not to care, that we should be malicious towards our feelings and be self-deprecative of our behaviors, while simultaneously continuing to promote them and excuse them.
one of the reasons that i like namjoon so much and why he inspires me is because i have a “headcanon” (lets call it this, for fear of neurotypicals swarming my inbox telling me not to spread rumors) that he has depression. you know why it helps me so much? because he’s an inspiration to people like me and people who think and feel the way he does. here he is, facing such great odds, dealing with so much shit, on top of the depression, and yet, he’s so incredibly successful. despite all the shit he goes through on a daily basis, despite stumbling, making mistakes, being hurt, he gets up every day and does what he loves, and he lives passionately. and he succeeds.
that’s the key part to that. he succeeds. he beats his odds every day and he’s been able to carve a life for himself– something he can look back on with pride, knowing he did this on his own, and with difficulty, which makes it that much more remarkable.
if he can do it, why can’t i? whether it’s facing my social anxiety when doing presentations, or facing my abusive father, or feeling so emotionally drained that i can’t get out of bed to go to class or eat or anything, and the knife in the drawer suddenly seems so tempting to me. why is it, that the knee jerk reaction to having issues is to complain? to make excuses? to take a narrow-minded approach to life?
life is so short, bub. it can end in the blink of an eye (and technically speaking, in the scope of the universe and time and space, it really does). so why do we have to be so apathetic? so cynical? what good does that do for us? instead of being receptive to good things, and trying really really hard, and actively pursuing betterment (positive deviance, as i like to call it), why do we continuously push it away?
it is a choice. there is no “it can’t be helped”. no “it’s just how i am”. you will feel what you feel. emotions cannot be controlled. but you can control how you react to your emotions. which may seem like an abstract concept, since our feelings are our feelings. but we can control our actions, and what we do based on our feelings. if we feel sad, are we going to lie in bed all day? or are we going to take time to calm down, to center ourselves, and find a way to go through the day, giving ourselves little encouragements, and pushing back against our mind? if we are jealous, are we going to lash out in anger or isolate ourselves? or are we going to communicate, try to figure out the root of the issue and work through it, no matter how difficult it may be, both to open up, and to think critically about ourselves (not in terms of self-loathing, but rather in breaking apart why we do the things we do and feel the way we feel)?
this isn’t some neurotypical “just try to be positive sweaty :-)” BS. this is me, telling you, that you have one life. you can either let it go by, or you can live it with meaning, with effort and awareness and diligence. i don’t have all the answers, and i dont think i know anyone besides myself well enough to pose the exact solutions that will work for them in their contexts. it’s something we must find for ourselves, by ourselves (and if you have the good fortune, with a professional or a trusted friend/mentor/guardian).
i used to have existential crises all the time. it’s so easy, especially for our generation, to feel disillusioned and disenfranchised with ourselves and our lives. it wasn’t until i got to my writing class, and my professor started asking us questions at the beginning of the class. things like– “what do you love?”, “what do you hate?”, “what are you amazing at?”, “what are you passionate about?”, and the one that always gets me– “why are you even here?”. these questions are things that we should all ask ourselves, because i find that we find major gaps in our existence that way, and we start calling to question the way we’re living, and how little meaning we tend to attribute to our lives. but it can also be inspirational. in finding those “gaps”, we can make a choice in how we fill them. we create our own meaning and purpose. it’s an empowering thought. we have more control than the internet likes to tell us we do.
being existential is fun and all, but being passionate, being grateful, being open-minded and sincere, being loving– both towards others and especially towards yourself– is so much more fulfilling. it takes work. nothing about this is easy. it’s probably one of the most difficult things to do, and i have to remind myself of this constantly (i actually put little post it notes in my daily planner at the end of every week, literally reminding myself of life’s worth). but it is so worth it. and you can do it. you’ll find that life suddenly becomes so much brighter that way. happiness is not a right. it is a privilege, given rarely and sparingly to those who work for it. so the question becomes– are you willing to work for it?