AAAAAAND time for something that happened today. Long post again.
I had a……….“Little” cry today.
Don’t worry I’m all good now!!
You see, all of my “Poetry” or “Inspirational” stuff comes from when I’m tired.
Well with me, after I cry, the same thing happens.
This is what happened.
What’s a smile?
It’s when someone’s happy.
But so many people smile when they’re sad. Why do people smile when they’re sad?
To hide that they’re sad.
But why do people hide it? When people are sad, they need help. But hiding it keeps them from getting help. If they know they need help, and they want help, why do they hide it with a smile?
Because it’s hard to get help. Because when you’re sad, it’s usually about a lot of things at once. So you can’t explain everything you need help with.
But it’s not just that, is it?
What do you mean by that?
It’s just, to me, I smile so others won’t be sad. But, what if that’s not helping? What if that’s making them sad, but just makes them smile more? What if I’m not doing the right thing? What if I’m hurting them, when I’m just doing what I know? What if a smile, a sign of happiness…Can hurt people?
*turns head to look at me*
I know a smile is happiness, but showing one to hide how you feel, so you don’t have trouble explaining….But to me, I hide my sadness so I don’t bother anyone. I always feel like I’m bothering someone, even when no one is around. I always apologize, because I always feel I did something wrong, or I’m hurting them, or anything at all really…I don’t want people to be sad. So I always apologize, and I always smile, because…That’s all I know. That’s all I know about making people happy. Maybe the occasional smile from a small “Inspirational” thing that I make up when tired or sad, or maybe a drawing, but I doubt that. I know that I’m always bothering someone, I just don’t know who. I over think a lot, so I may have missed them. In fact, I can know someone’s personality just by being in the room with them for a while. Not even talking with them. I can even know a person on Tumblr by five of their posts. That’s how much I think. I think I’m like that so I have a chance at connecting with someone…But I never do, because I’m too shy. And it’s weird, because somehow I can know them a little without them knowing me. So instead, I smile and apologize. Because, I may be bothering them. And if not, I may one day. But here’s something…I’ve just…Am shy. All I’ve said sounds like I’m not but I act like it…But I really am shy. In fact, I actually have a stutter when I’m really really nervous. And right now, typing this, I can tell I’m bothering SOMEONE out there, this being a long post. All I know is, if I can find that person and make them happy somehow, well…
That’s all I really want.
But that’s when I realized,
I was alone.
I zoned out and had a conversation with myself.
WHAT IN THE UNIVERSE IS WRONG WITH ME!?!?!