How to Not Be a Shitty Customer
1. Understand that we’ve been on our feet all day and probably dealing with shitty customers and bullies since we clocked in. Most of us as students trying to make extra money, and we’re stressed enough as it is without shitty customers making us feel like we fell out of a dog’s ass.
2. Say hello. We’re not servants. We’re people, and we like to be respected. Don’t just throw your shit on the counter and expect complete servitude.
3. Don’t come to us when you’re talking on the phone. That’s the height of rudeness.
4. If you’ve made a reservation or a booking, don’t tell me your phone died, or you lost the letter or email, or give some other excuse which is going to make it impossible to complete your order. If we sent you information on your order, write it down.
5. If you want to complain, do not complain to the person on the till/shop floor/bar/tables. 99% of the time, the fuck-up was caused by a failed delivery, a system error, a stock error or a similar diablos ex machina in the narrative that is retail, and we can’t do anything about it.
6. If we DO fuck up, and it’s easily fixed, LET US FIX IT. Don’t start insulting someone because we forgot one item or some other asinine bullshit that can be fixed in a few minutes.
7. Don’t ask for the manager. Ever. Unless I’m being rude or offensive, don’t ask for the manager. This is peak dickhead behaviour. You ESPECIALLY do not ask for the manager if YOU were being difficult or rude in the first place and I was reacting in my defence (i.e., not letting you walk all over me), or if I’m not performing my job to “your standard”.
8a. If you’re a customer at an establishment where leaving a tip is optional, leave a tip.
8b. If the employee tells you we can’t accept tips, don’t try and force a tip on us. It will fuck up our till and the manager will shout at us because it will be assumed that we stole from the customer, or we didn’t give a customer the right change.
9. Not everyone who works here is fully 100% trained. People come and go every few months in retail and we’re not all at the same level of training. So don’t get pissed off when the new guy doesn’t come zooming out of the stock room with your 11-item order and twelve coupons.
10. If I’m on my break, I’m on my break. End of discussion.
11. We’re only going to be well-mannered if you are. You’re not above us.
12. And on that note, you’re not above other customers as well. There’s a line for a reason. Wait in it.
13. And if you see me on the shop floor and ask me to put through an order for you because you don’t want to wait in the line, you’re the worst.
14. Don’t try to “bond” with me by making fun of other customers I’ve been serving.
15. Don’t say “I can see the item behind you!” if I tell you we have zero in stock. There’s so many different reasons why we might not be able to sell it, including reservations, stock adjustments, recalls, display, or just because the item is unavailable for sale until a certain date.
16. If I say we can’t do something, we can’t do it. No amount of harassing me or my manager will do anything to change that.
17. Complaining that you’ve been waiting for a long time in the store won’t change anything either. We’re busy, we’re working hard, and we’re trying our best to get you in and out of the store as fast as we can.
18. If you snitch on one of my coworkers, I literally won’t give a shit. We’re all together, even the people who hate each other.
19. You have to wait. It’s part of shopping. You wait in line, you wait your turn, you wait for your card to be accepted, you wait for your change, you wait for your item being scanned, you wait for your food/drink/item being brought out, and you wait when I have to walk across the store to help you. Don’t be rude when your order isn’t complete within seconds because it’s entirely unfeasible.
20. Don’t be sleazy to my female coworkers. They’re not interested in you, and they weren’t interested in the five married men who hit on them before you.
21. If it’s out of stock, it’s out of stock. If the store allows you to order in, we can order it in. If the store makes it available for delivery, we can have it delivered. But nothing we can do will make your item appear in the store for you to take home right now, so don’t be difficult.
22. Don’t come in as soon as the store opens or as the store is closing. Honestly. Every single person in the store hates you. We’re exhausted, we aren’t getting paid for the extra minutes we have to serve you, and we want to go home. This is the biggest dick move you can pull as a customer, apart from screaming and asking for the manager.
23. Don’t be rude when we suggest a store card/special offer/product insurance policy. We have to offer this to everyone or we get yelled at. Just wait until we’re done talking so our managers can hear that we’re offering it, then politely decline. We don’t want to sell overpriced shit that will get you into debt, and we know you don’t want it, but managers still force our hand.
24. “If it doesn’t scan that means I get it for free hahaha” We have heard this joke literally more times than we can count so please stop.
25. “It says it’s cheaper on the shelf over there.” Okay, BUT - the tills reflect the current price of the item, and customers LITERALLY come in and switch price tags around so they can cause trouble and get shit for cheaper than they should, which gets US into trouble because our tills don’t have the right amount in them. If there’s an offer or a deal on at the time of purchase and we haven’t changed the price tags, then by all means let us know. But if there’s an obviously easily removed price tag on an item and you’re trying to get it for cheaper, chances are, you’re not getting it for that price.
26. Don’t come into the store with 50 gift vouchers or coupons and don’t try and use some complicated wireless payment if we don’t accept it.
27. I personally work in a store with over 20,000 items in stock. It’s basically a warehouse with tills. I don’t know jack shit about anything we sell other than games and computers. So don’t shout at me when I don’t know if the snooker table you’ve ordered is collapsable or not. No, I shouldn’t “have to know this stuff” because it’s literally impossible for any human being to know the specifics of thousands of products.
28. Clean up after yourself. Don’t leave milkshake cups and crumbs all over the store, because the people who have to clean that shit is US, and it’s NOT in our job description, but we’re made to do it anyway.
29. Don’t shop while you’re drunk or high. I shouldn’t even have to say this but for fuck sake it needs to be said, apparently.
30. Don’t vape in my face when I’m serving you. I have an e-cigarette too, which I use heavily because I’m so stressed out from working in fucking retail, and if I can wait five hours for my break to use it, you can wait five minutes to use yours.
31. I’m so sorry because this one is total bullshit but please don’t bring your dog into the store if you can. WE get shouted at because our managers are the ones who don’t want them in the store, and WE are the ones expected to be total dicks to dog owners.
32. Don’t complain to me if someone brought a crying baby into the store. Don’t complain to them either. Babies cry. That’s what they do. They cry when they’re hungry, tired, sick, dirty or scared. And babies scare easily. It’s not easy being a parent of a baby so cut them slack and don’t cause a damn scene over it.
33. This goes for disabled customers, customers who use mobility scooters, and senior customers with walking canes or Zimmer frames. They’ll take as long as they need and you wait your damn turn. This should go without saying too, but I’ve had customers complain to ME about how we’re “too slow” because the customer before them was using a mobility/support device of some kind. That’s none of your fucking business and it’s NOT something you have the right to complain about.
34. If you’re shopping in a store with displays that are easily messed up (like clothes), don’t just mess it up and leave it there. If you’re taking a shirt out, fold it at least SOMEWHAT neatly before you put it back. And if you can’t, let us know so we can keep the place tidy.
35. Stop giving prank names to baristas. They don’t give a shit. None of us give a shit. It’s not funny.
36. Bring your cups/trays back to the counter/disposal area otherwise mama didn’t raise you right.
37. If your coupon is expired. It’s expired. We can’t turn back time.
38. Nor can we teleport, so if your coupon’s at home, there’s nothing we can do about that either.
39. You need to understand that employees in retail get monitored on everything we do, INCLUDING how much money is in our till compared to the price of every item we sell through that till. So no, we can’t just “knock” 10% off for your inconvenience in the store, we can’t “take the price of the coupon off” because you left it at home, we can’t “just give you” a refund without a receipt even though you “swear you bought it here”, and we can’t “just change the price” of an item because you “think it’s too expensive”. If the store does price matches against similar stores, or if the store has a price promise for items reserved at a cheaper price, then yes, we will change the price for you. But don’t kick up a fuss because you think iPhone chargers are overpriced. They totally are. But that’s not in my control.
40. No, I don’t want the 99.
41. Don’t talk to us like we’re robots. “Good morning. I would like to purchase two items today please.” No offense but what the fuck is that? Why do people talk like this to cashiers? “Hey what’s up, can I buy this book and a stapler?” is totally fine. In fact, it’s preferred. Talk to us like you’d talk to literally any other human being on the planet.
42.. The customer isn’t “always right” and I wanna fight the fucker that came up with this ridiculous egotistical mantra.