why do i smell like dog

  • Chanyeol: What's wrong, why is everyone so worried?
  • Yixing: You've been sitting on the couch eating raw hot dogs all day while watching every movie Micheal Cera's ever made.
  • Baekhyun: Also why do you smell like Doritos, I've yet to see you eat any, are you okay?
  • Chanyeol: Oh I'm fine and that's probably just the nacho cheese I dip the hot dogs in.
  • Sehun: Why do you hate yourself?
Favourite Undertale quotes

(aka the reasons you should play Undertale if you haven’t yet)

  • *ANIME’S REAL, RIGHT?!?!
  • *You came all the way back here to look at Toriel’s socks. *You have great priorities in life. 
  • *Wosh u SOUL
  • *YOU LIKE CARESSING MY BICEPS WITH A FLOATING HEART. BUT WHO DOESN’T!?
  • *Sans is selling tickets made of toilet paper.
  • *It looks like a snow ball… *Actually, it’s a snow decahedron.
  • *SCIENTIST DISCOVERS HEALTH BENEFITS OF USING COMPUTER (JUST KIDDING LOL)
  • *TINY VOLCANO MONSTER TRIES ITS BEST, RECEIVES TINY APPLAUSE
  • *WOSHUA CLEANS UP LOCAL CRIME, LITERALLY FINDS CRIMINALS AND DOUSES THEM IN SOAP, CRIME DOESN’T GO DOWN BUT IT SMELLS AMAZING
  • *Partaking in worthless garbage fills you with determination.
  • *DO YOU TREAT YOUR MOTHER THIS WAY…WHEN SHE MAKES YOU A PUZZLE?!?!?
  • *I’ll pay you 1000G if you get Mettaton to autograph my butt!
  • *DOGS ARE JUST FIRM CATS!!!!
  • *Why do people find him so attractive?? *He’s literally just a freaking rectangle.
  • *Huh? *Everyone else is DEAD? *Does that mean I don’t have to work today?
  • *STOP PLAGUING MY LIFE WITH INCIDENTAL MUSIC!!!
  • *Thank you so much, dearie! *It’s all because of you *(r money).
  • *You’re making the switches uncomfortable with all this attention.
  • *(WHY IS THIS PERSON TRYING TO SELL ME SOMETHING THIS IS A HAMBURGER RESTAURANT I’M JUST TRYING TO SURVIVE)
  • *In this hellish world, you can only take 3 pieces of candy…
  • *I’m literally going to make out with a fish.
  • *OF COURSE I KNOW WHO I KNOW!! I WANTED TO KNOW  IF YOU KNOW…I KNOW WHO I KNOW AS MUCH AS I KNOW I KNOW WHO I KNOW!…YOU KNOW?
  • *Mad Dummy is doing an armless ska dance.
  • *Now you’ll see my true power: Relying on people that aren’t garbage!
  • *I DON’T NEED FRIENDS!!! *I’VE GOT KNIVES!!! 
  • *i’ve almost got a mix cd finished for my scary neighbor… *it’s 74 minutes of people screaming their signature wrestling moves *but they’re all autotuned *i hope she likes it
  • *What do I look like, the ice-cream woman? *Do human ice-cream women TERRORIZE HUMANITY with ENERGY SPEARS? *Are their ice-cream songs a PRELUDE TO DESTRUCTION?
  • *OH MY GOD!!! *STOP PETTING THE ENEMY!!!
  • *I should have worn a few million more pairs of pants today.
  • *Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 2 Is Neither Kissy Nor Cutie. *Its Trash. 0 stars
  • *SOMETIMES, I’M A GENIUS. ALL THE TIME.
  • *Sparkle up your day™.
  • *EVEN IF YOU MANAGE TO BEAT THE HEAT… *YOU’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO WITHSTAND MY HOT METAL BODY!
  • *THIS DOG… *STILL EXISTS! *THIS STORY… *JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER!
  • *My hair… yes, I use metal hairgel. 
  • They say I have the voice of a Siren… awooga!
  • *… you really like hot animals, don’t you? *hey, i’m not judging.
  • *yeah, you’ve gotta save your money for college and spiders.
  • *STILL FIDDLING WITH THAT MICROWAVE, EH, DARLING? *CAN’T BLAME YOU FOR BEING TOTALLY ENAMORED WITH AN ELECTRONIC BOX.
  • *I will make intent eye contact with you so you sweat while you talk.
  • *First off, I’m a baby KNIGHT! *Captain of the babies!!!
  • *I’M UNDYNE AND I’M PILING ON THE SMOOCHES!!!
  • *WHAT!! I DIDN’T CRY!!! I DON’T CRY!! *I JUST…CAUGHT SOMETHING IN MY EYE. *TEARS!!!
  • *This is Sans *Frisk, did you know that I love to “get owned?” *I also think Toriel is very good and fhfjkehfeaufsisf
  • *THERE ARE WAY BETTER ANIMALS TO MARRY. *LIKE SKELETONS!!!
  • *HMMM..THE SOLUTION TO THIS ONE…? *I ACTUALLY JUST STEPPED OVER THE SPIKES. *SO THE SOLUTION IS TO BE VERY TALL AND HANDSOME.
  • *SOMEDAY I’LL IMPRESS HER WITH MY HUGE BICEPS… *THAT’S A GOOD WAY TO MAKE FRIENDS!!!
  • *When I feel like relaxing, I always take a break there. *That means NEVER!! *I HATE RELAXING!! *I LOVE being ANGRY and STRESSED OUT!!!
  • *You can’t do the jimpity jumpity joodle!? *The limpity loppity leap!?
  • *I WISH I HAD EIGHT LEGS… *SO I COULD WEAR FOUR PAIRS OF HOTPANTS.
  • *Uh, if not for that grooty, I’d have kicked your booty.
  • *(HORRIBLE BIRD IMITATIONS)
  • *GARBAGE, HUH? BOY, DO I KNOW GARBAGE!! *AFTER ALL, I’M HOUSEMATES WITH A LAZY BAG OF TRASH! *HIS NAME’S TRASHY HE LIVES IN THE GARBAGE CAN. 
  • *You make a snowball and throw it for the dog to fetch. *It splats on the ground. *Greater Dog picks up all the snow in the area and brings it to you.
  • *WOWIE!!! UNDYNE!!! *SOMEDAY I WANTTO BE AS STRONG AND SWEATY AS YOU.
  • *PLEASE STOP COMMITTING GHOST CRIMES.
  • *It looks like some sort of powerful bracelet… *Wait. *It’s just a croissant…
  • *EMITTING SLIME…THAT’S JUST WHAT BROTHERS DO.
  • *It appears to be a self- sustaining tornado made of trash.
  • *N… NO!!! NOT THE FLATTERY SUPLEX!!!
  • *I can’t go to hell. *I’m all out of vacation days.
  • *A LAB??? MY BROTHER WOULD LOVE THAT! *HE LOVES SCIENCE FICTION!! *ESPECIALLY WHEN IT’S REAL.
  • *And I’m forecasting an incoming front of SHUT UP!!!
  • *I CAN’T VISUALIZE THIS PUZZLE AT ALL. *CAN YOU DRAW A PICTURE??? *THEN HOLD IT UP TO THE RECEIVER??
  • *I’m thinking of getting a spiked collar to show off my personality. *It makes a statement like… *“Attach a leash to me and take me for a walk please.”
  • *(AUDIBLE WINK)… *WAIT, WHOSE NUMBER IS THIS???
  • *It’s kinda cute… *…I mean, uh… *I’m tough!!! *I love to eat rocks!!
  • *A A A A A. *I’M SCREAMING VERY SLOWLY.
  • *Well, maybe our cooking abilities aren’t exactly perfect. *Nah!!! *They totally are!! *Eat up, punk!! *(You hear spaghetti thwap against the receiver.)
  • *IS (THE SOUND A BABY MAKES) AN EMOTION?
  • *Perhaps mankind was not meant to pet this much.
Things my mom has said to my cat

“C'mere you little shit, let me rub Neosporin on your cuts.”

“Oh you’re home shit face.”

“He hunts rats and sleeps in my bed why the fuck do we have a cat.”

“Get off the sink, you’re dirty, and smell like sweat.”

“Rat breath.”

“Fuck off I don’t want to cuddle, no. Go away.”

“Gross.”

“How long do you live?”

The Signs as Hamilton Insults
  • Aries: Your father's a scoundrel, and so it seems are you
  • Taurus: Would you like to join us or stay mellow, doing whatever the hell it is you do in Monticello?
  • Gemini: If you stand for nothing, Burr, what'll you fall for
  • Cancer: Sit down John, you fat motherfucker
  • Leo: The way he primps and preens and dresses like the pits of fashion
  • Virgo: My dog speaks more eloquently than thee
  • Libra: He knows nothing of loyalty. Smells like new money, dresses like fake royalty
  • Scorpio: I hope that you burn
  • Sagittarius: No one knows who you are or what you do
  • Capricorn: Hey, turn around, bend over, I'll show you where my shoe fits
  • Aquarius: Why do you assume you're the smartest in the room?
  • Pisces: That poor man, they're going to eat him alive

anonymous asked:

The veterans reacting to your blog.

Levi sees my nsfw scenarios from long ago. He sighs. Then, he looks to the camera like someone on the office. “The fuck is this?” He asks, but there is no emotion in his voice. I have broken him.

Hanji loves everything about it. However, she does have one complaint, and she wants to know why NONE OF U EVER REQUEST HER. The woman turns away from the computer screen with a big smile and gives two thumbs up.

Erwin sees that I make him sound like a super old man with every social media ask I get. He goes and gets a halter top from some popular teen fashion store, accompanied with a flower crown. “I am young.” He glowers.

Mike just “nope’s” completely and walks out. In his mind, he wonders; “Why do they write me as a distant dog? Sure, I smell things. Fuck off” When he walks out the door I get a bad feeling. He’s coming for me

why yes, yes i do! @ravenbird15

mccree:

  • he!!! loves!!! ear scritches!!! and chin scritches and just every form of petting imaginable
  • he flat out refuses to play fetch. anybody that tries just gets an exasperated look
  • he really likes the feeling of chewing on things! usually chicken bones or a piece of rubber
  • he does the exaggerated dog yawn, right down to the little tongue waggle
  • his senses of hearing and smell make it absolutely impossible to sneak up on him!
  • no, he doesn’t chase his tail what are you talking about what no he’s just… his tail was just itchy ok

hanzo:

  • he straight up HOARDES shiny things. odds are, if you recently lost something shiny, it’s in hanzo’s room. good luck finding it though
  • he really enjoys the feeling of getting the base of his horns rubbed
  • he uses his claws as a toothpick, then immediately turns around and denies it, even if he’s caught red handed
  • he’s been kicked out of about 12 stores to date because of his habit of taking shiny things
  • even though he gets incredibly tired of people asking, he’ll still light their cigar/ettes for them with a lil tiny puff of fire
7

Behind the scenes of The Stolen Earth / Journey’s End (Part 2 of 8)

Excerpts from Doctor Who Magazine #398, behind the scenes of The Stolen Earth/Journey’s End as reported by Benjamin Cook

Production on Doctor Who has ground to a halt.  Tools have been downed. Cameras abandoned. And for why? Because make-up artist Steve Smith has arrived on set, in the Nobles’ living room, carrying a mongrel puppy dog called Jack.  “What is it?” asks Bernard Cribbins.

“It’s a dog,” explains Steve.

“Well, I can see that.”

He belongs to the lady across the road.  “She just threw it at me,” explains Steve, “and said, Catherine would like to see Jack, wouldn’t she?”

“Oh, I do, I so do,” coos Catherine Tate, taking Jack in her arms.

“Can we get all puppies off set!” pleads Simon Morris, the First Assistant Director. But no one is listening.

“Aww, he still smells of his mother’s womb,” says Catherine, taking a sniff.

“That’s disgusting,” exclaims David Tennant.  “Just wait til he pees on you.”

“Nah, I couldn’t have a dog that’s smaller than a cat,” reasons Catherine. “He is lovely, though.”

“Tell people it’s a hamster,” suggests David.  Meanwhile, across the room, Phil Collinson is ripping up today’s shooting schedule.

Previous parts are available here:  
one ] [ three ] [ four ] [ five ] [ six ] [ seven ] [ eight ]
The rest of the behind-the-scenes photosets are available [ here ] 

❈ . *゚・ ☆ latex/pony boi (minjae lee): an aesthetic

“latex the person you love” / “if we both were watching goldfish cracker porn and made eye contact, does that count as hooking up?” / “why does no one want to look at my awesome my little pony collection?” / “i can’t afford a dog, so i guess i’ll just have to become one. woof woof.” / “i love leashes and smelling like a hospital. don’t kinkshame me.”

anonymous asked:

Sam why do cats have short snouts and dogs have long snouts? Their head shape is so different I wonder the pros and cons

It is all about the olfactory systems. Dogs’ sense of smell is dependent on several specialized structures which take up room. Dog breeds like pugs which have been artificially bred to have flat snouts often have difficulty breathing and, of course, smelling.

See: PBS: NOVA - Dog’s Amazing Sense of Smell

The signs as things I said to my dog
  • Aries: is there racism in the dog community? Is there white fur privilege?
  • Taurus: come here my foul-smelling dog, I love you.
  • Gemini: I appreciate you licking me but that means I'm eventually going to smell like you. So no.
  • Cancer: why do you keep sitting on my bed? What are you trying to say??
  • Leo: do you think in dog years or human years?
  • Virgo: what is that? God, WHAT are you eating?
  • Libra: you're so fluffy! You're just fur and brain!
  • Scorpio: we're all going to die eventually. Do you know you're going to die??
  • Sagittarius: what do you do when no one's home? Do you go on the dog Internet? Do you like music?
  • Capricorn: do you know I'm my parents daughter? Do you think of me as your relative?
  • Aquarius: I think you'll win in the dog elections. Hell, you'll win in the human elections too.
  • Pieces: do you think I'm a dog or something else? Do you think I'm just a big hairless dog? I mean like I have hair but not like you.

why do we feel the need to say hello to animals as if they’ll respond like i said hi to my roommate’s dog when i got home and my roommate took it a step further by being like “tell em that you finally got a bath and smell all clean now” as if the dog could actually tell me that. the dog can’t. the dog is a dog

Texts From Last Night Sentence Meme #1 (semi-nsfw)
  • he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being a little bitch.
  • You grabbed my shirt and said, “hope you’re not attached” and ripped it off before I could answer you.
  • Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
  • I feel like too many of my sentences start off with “Hey, fuckface!”
  • After the day I’ve had, I can’t decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
  • Just took acid. Wish me luck.
  • I wanna hang out. The cats don’t talk back.
  • What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
  • My ex is having a baby and I’m over here planning my dogs birthday celebration…
  • I’m owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
  • Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
  • Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
  • No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
  • NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
  • Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
  • I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
  • I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
  • I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
  • I’m so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
  • Can you repeat that, but with context?
  • What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
  • I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
  • It’s 7:30pm and we’ve already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
  • I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
  • The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I’m gonna get him to show me a trick
  • WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
  • HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
  • Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I’m just a bitch and some people find it endearing
  • She forgot a bra so she just used saran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
  • I want to fling myself into the sun
  • I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I’m not straight
  • I’m alive. Mostly. Can’t quite control my arms.
  • He just brought a live lobster to the party.
  • They tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire staircase.
  • The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately…gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
  • oh shit let me call u back there’s a hamburger in my pocket
  • I find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
  • Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
  • Someone changed my text signature to “Also, I think I might be gay” last night. Also, I think I might be gay
zodiac shitposts pt 13
  • aries: the sjws have taken everything from me. my dignity. my happiness. and they run away from worm hell
  • taurus: ;) i guess you could say i bask in a torrential downpour of goats
  • gemini: i love to sin and accuse me of hating love
  • cancer: one thing ive learned is that its surprisingly difficult to cry over my birth
  • leo: i say my dog is perfect but she does have two flaws. 1. her paws smell like doritos and 2. she always tries to reject the agenda of neopets
  • virgo: this is a warning: do not harm birds
  • libra: i am at peace. i love dragons
  • scorpio: why would you hide from my ass
  • sagittarius: isnt being vegan when you dont eat meat and you have love
  • capricorn: hello this is the popsicle police. yes sir youve been stopped today because you keep trying to use your popsicles to escape the void
  • aquarius: i didnt know it was illegal to enjoy garbage
  • pisces: im not like those other guys. i look like poison
  • what she says: i'm fine
  • what she means: harry styles is so beautiful, and i'm literally in love with him??? like??? why does everything he does make me want to drop everything and go live in the country with him and five dogs, three cats, and a goat? how does he do this to me ? does he know that he's doing this ? also— what does he smell like in the morning? does he wear socks to bed? why can a blurry photo of him in gray sweatpants and slippers make me paralyzed from the neck down ? does he drink 2%, whole, or skim milk ? probably skim milk. fake health nut heaux. does he believe in love at first sight ? if not, does he need me to walk past him again? what emojis would he put by my name in his phone ? can we meet for lunch on Thursday when I am free to meet for lunch on Thursday ?
EXO reaction to you sniffing random things.

Xiumin: Why do you keep sniffing that foundation brush?!

Luhan: You: *sniffs the perfume*

Luhan: Can I sniff too??????

Kris: WHY ARE YOU SMELLING THAT SAUCE AGAIN?! 

Kris: I already hid it from you 6 times?!

Suho:  Are you SMELLING THE CONDOM BOX?!

Lay: I ALREADY TOLD YOU TO STOP SMELLING TOILET PAPER AND YOU’RE STILL DOING IT!

Baekhyun: Can’t seem to find his eyeliner.

Baekhyun: Babe, you’re smelling my eyeliner again, right?

Chen: Why are you smelling our dog?

Chanyeol: Are you smelling, tampons?!

Kyungsoo: Babe……………………..Why are you sniffing the kitchen table?

Tao: I thought you stopped sniffing chocolate. You look like a fucking dog!

Kai: Thinks you’re adorable when you sniff fruit.

Sehun: You’re sniffing the salt and pepper.

gifs aren’t mine.