Hi^-^ I'm so confused by the asexual discourse.What is their problem?I identify as demisexual heteroromantic.All over my dash I see people's argumentation that heteroromatic people are technically straigth and condemning cishets for existing?Why do people reject these identities so violently?I always felt out of place near the lgbt community for what I identify as never wanting to do anything but support their causes. The things said make me feel awful for what I am. How do I deal with this?
The problem, I think, is a lack of understanding and insecurity in their own identities. Generally, when people don’t understand something, they treat whatever it is with hostility and anger. Instead of seeking to look through other view points, or even simply accepting that they can never truly understand what it is like to be ace if they are not ace, they lash out. I think it also comes from a place of insecurity in their own identities. When the world is constantly telling you that you are wrong, people tend to find another group of people to blame. It’s just the same as your stereotypical bullies in school: they are insecure about something or have a lack of control over the world around them and instead of working through their problems in a healthy way, they attempt to control and belittle a certain group/type of people (or even just a particular person) to feel more secure in themselves and establish control where they otherwise have none.
While I understand that exclusionists are largely just bullies who don’t understand and don’t care to in favor of attempting to feel better about themselves, it doesn’t excuse their actions. There are other, far more healthy and less destructive ways, to address the problems one may be having. Truth be told, I also feel out of sync with the lgbt+ community. I know logically most people are not like this website, but it still hurts.
One way to deal with this is investing in something like a tag blocker. I think (?) it’s free to download or something and it can help filter tags that you don’t want to see. You can blacklist words like ace discourse, aphobe, exclusionist, etc. I would also suggest blocking blogs that try to interact with you or your posts. I know I personally blocked a ton of people who tried to comment nasty things on my positivity posts. It prevents their comments from being viewed by me, it prevents them from interacting with any of my other posts, and it prevents me from seeing them in any way, shape, or form on my dash. Another suggestion is not to go into the tags. People have a nasty habit of making posts that degrade aspec people and tagging them to make sure they appear in the tags (yes, even the positivity tags). So find a few blogs that you trust to not post things related to discourse and follow them. Some people are okay going into the tags despite all the negativity, some aren’t.
Another thing to be aware of is a phenomenon called gaslighting. There’s lots of information about it on the interwebs. Basically, what it boils down to, is that abusers and oppersors attempt to make the person they are gaslighting question their own reality. Unfortunately, this happens a lot to ace people (and I think, to a larger extent, demi people). People say things that try to make you question the validity of your own orientation. Things like “you’re basically straight” or the infamous “cishet aces blah blah blah.” Both of these attempt to make aspec people feel as though they don’t belong or are no different than straight people, when there are actually many differences. I think being aware of gaslighting can help people recognize when it’s happening and make it less effectual. If you feel comfortable with it, I highly suggest looking up ways to combat the effects of gaslighting so if the odd post floats across your dash, you have a healthy way of filtering it’s effects.
TL;DR: aphobes are nothing more than bullies who are insecure in themselves and try to establish control over others because they don’t have any themselves. Get a tag blocker and blacklist terms related to discourse to help filter posts. Also block blogs that try to start things with you or your posts. Be aware of the effects of gaslighting ace people and do your best to remind yourself that you are real and your identity is real.
I hope this helps! Good luck, and be excellent!