why do i have a camera

Dark's Heart (part 6)

Dark took you around the first floor. You go into the studio for Willford and Bim. You run around so excited looking the cameras, props, outfits, the set ,and even a stage for performances. While there you tell Willford if he still wanted to do that interview for fun.

“Yes!! My journalism skills will astound you.” Willford winks at you and drags Bim to help him set thing up.

“Why did you have to humor him…” Dark pinches the bridge of his nose already hating this.

“Come on he asked. Besides it looks fun. And how about I do this and you can go off and do your work.” You smile up a Dark. You did feel bad about keeping him from his work.

“I said it can wait. I don’t want to leave you alone with him. Who knows what will do.” Dark watches Bim set up two chairs and the lights and Willford curls his pink mustache at the ends to look good.

“Ok stay and suffer.” You laugh. You go to sit at the chair that faces Willford ready for questions.

“Will please don’t stab me at the end of this or shove a boom box in my face. I want to live to finish my shows.” You give him your pinky.

Will takes it with his, “I promise for you. But the boom box is out of my hands.” Will sits up and begins. “So (Y/N) you have become quite the internet sensation after the great boop. How are you handling your fame.”

“Well I did have a run in with some not so happy people but other than that the community thought I was really funny and thought is was brave. I mean come on look at him.” You look over at Dark. “He was asking for it.” Dark rolls his eyes.

“True true he did. Speaking of that. What exactly is this thing going on between you two hmmmm?” Will raises an eyebrow and leans in.

“O that. Yea so Dark helped me out in a situation and now I owe him. So im here til the date has been done.” You say smiling.

“Dark. That guy.” Will looks at a brooding Dark. “Helped you? Well am I in an alternate universe now? Are still talking about the same man?”

“I know right? Yes sir that guy. But you know I own him now because of it so he so planed that. But you know while I got him here mind as well have some fun with the guy.” You laugh.

“Ooooo your talking about the texting. I may have peeked at a few of those. Might I say the one about if he really is evil enough to steal candy from a baby was great.” Willford saids smiling.

“He said you did that once.” You look at Willford with a smirk.

“Hey that little brat took the last box of gummy bears. It was fair game.” Willford tries to act innocent.

“Sure keep telling yourself that.” You laugh.

“He does all the time.” Bim saids holding the boom box.

“Hey hey Willford doesn’t take shit from no one. But you get off because your so cute.” Willford winks at you. Dark glares at Willford from that.

“Anyway moving on. You have been putting quite the charms are good old Darkiplier here.” Willford tugs his suspenders.

“Really?” You look back at Dark smiling. “How so?”

“O he has toned down the evil. And I may or may not have seen a picture of you on his phone that the stares at from time to time.” Willford wiggles his mustache.

“We are done here.” Dark tugs you out of the seat. “Lets go.”

You tug back. “Wait I want to hear more about this. its very interesting!” You tease Dark.

Dark picks you up and throws you over his shoulder. He gave no choice and takes you out of the studio. You yell back at Will and Bim that you had fun. Dark leads you to where the Googles take care of all the electronics and technology of the house. You go to Green, Red, and Yellow and ask who was the cutest out of the four. Green and Red said Yellow instantly and you laugh telling Yellow he was a sweet cinnamon roll. Dark takes you away again still over his shoulder to his office and only backs in for a peek and then takes you away. Then you look at Dr.Iplier’s clinic to be greeted by him looking at you and Dark with a confused expression. He gives you a lollypop and you reach for it but Dark whisks you away before you could get it. You act like a kid and repeatedly smack his back saying no fair. He said he doesn’t care and lets you continue to smack him, he smiles at your attempts to hurt him. He makes his way to the garage and you get a peek at the cars; one pink, another sleek black, a old truck, and a van. Next is the kitchen he only makes a walk around and you look around and then he heads upstairs.

“Hey are you going to put me down soon? Aren’t you tired?” You ask.

“Are you questioning my strength?” Dark chuckles. “Please this is nothing. Although maybe you should consider losing a few pounds.”

You smack him again. “Rude!!” Dark actually laughs. It takes you by surprise and it makes your heart skip a beat at the sound of him laughing softly. You smile happily to yourself.

Dark only walks around to show each ego’s door to their room. The others poke their heads out of their rooms to see Dark walk down the hall with you over his shoulder. Host doesn’t look out his room but can hear your voices pass his room and he opens the door to his room. “Host has the list that (Y/N) wanted for books… (Y/N) is in a states where they can not take anything at the moment however.” Host holds the list to himself.

“Oooo I want it!! Please!!” You beg Dark to let you down. He does without question and you walk up to Host. He holds out the list and you take it carefully from his hands. “Thank you so much Host. I will read them all!!” You hug Host happily. He is taken back by it but he returns the hug shyly. You let him go and Dark drags you again. This time Ed pops his head out of his room with his calculations to prices for your games. You take it and hug him too and he bear hugs you. Dark growls at that and takes you again. You keep getting stopped by the others and you hug them all after talking to them. Dark finally had it and scoops you up again and takes you to his room.

His room is gray with all black modern style furniture. He has another smaller desk by a wall and beside it is a book shelf. A window that looks outside the front yard with a good view of the sun setting. He has a simple entertainment center with a flat screen T.V and the foot of his bed is facing it. Beside his bed is a small table with a lamp and his closet is open to show it is a walk in one.

“Fancy. Its so.. Dark.” You say with a sophisticated tone.

“You actually went there.” Dark groans. He puts you down infront of him. He didn’t realize how close you were to him when he put you down. You were inches from each others faces. Your chest and his are practically against each other. Dark can feel your chest go out when you take a breath and he can clearly see the color of your eyes picking out every shade. You can see his eyes too, thinking they were black but then realize they have hints of brown to them. You both look at each other for a while then you turn your head and see music sheets on Dark’s small desk.

“You write music?” You tilt your head. You walk to his desk and pick it up.

“I do at times. Helps me relax.” Dark watches you looking through the paper.

“You relax? That’s rare.” You say still skimming through the paper. “Can I have a demo?” You look at Dark with a tilt head and soft smile.

The smile did it for him. That dam smile he thought. He takes your hand and pulls you into his void and your now in his office. You look around more. A large desk in the center of the room and a larger bookshelf off to the side filled with books and binders. then you notice the piano at the corner. You walk over to it, its so pretty and smooth and of course its black.

Dark sits on the bench and looks at you. “Well?” You sit beside him. He puts the sheet music up and puts his hands on the keys. His hands move so gracefully along the keys. The tone starts off heavy like a storm and then hits a high point. It goes deeper and deeper then suddenly stops and transitions to a lighter tone. You look up at Dark, his eyes are closed and he focuses on the keys. The sound is so sweet now and calming. It gives off a feeling of being content and at peace. It ends with a soft tone and Dark opens his eyes and looks down at the keys.

“Wow… that was amazing. Does it have a name?” You look at him curious.

Dark looks at you. “It doesn’t. I don’t usually name them.”

“Well you should. Gives it good meaning.” You smile up at him.

Dark studies you. You put your attention to the piano and play some keys randomly. He looks at your eyes, down to your hands on the keys, and then up to your lips. He just focuses on your lips remembering when he brushed his thumb over them as you slept. They felt so warm and soft, it felt different to him. He touched his own while you were distracted, more firm and cold. He had the sudden urge to test if he can warm his with yours. Dark faces you and leans in slowly his other hand beginning to reach your cheek to make you face him. But then your phone goes off making him back off.

“O shit its late!! I really should get going now.” You look at Dark having no clue what he was trying to do. “Umm do you think you can just plop me back home?" 

Dark looks at you for a while longer before he answers. "If it gets you out of here sooner be my guest.” He snaps his fingers and a void pops up. You sit up and walk to it nervous. “Im not going to send you to a different dimension if that what you are wondering.”

“Somewhat disappointing but ok.” You poke your head into it and are greeted with your bedroom. You come back out and face Dark. “Thanks for the tour. Your house is very lively. Got to end this last day with a bang right?”

Dark remembers the date is tomorrow. The last day he will see you. “If that’s what you say then. Im just going to be glad to rid of you at this point.”

“Awwww your so going to miss me. who else will send you all the texts and important phone calls.” You laugh. “Goodnight Darkiplier. See you tomorrow for our date.” You walk into the void and it disappears once you make it to your room. You get into pajamas and lay in bed. You start to think of all the fun you had and get sad. You don’t want it to end. You think of Dark more and cuddle into your pillow more and blush thinking of his eyes.

Dark sits at his piano. He plays the soft part of the song he played for you slowly. He runs a hand through his hair frustrated. He thinks to himself why he almost tried to kiss you, why did he even think of it. Your date was it, your final day with him and he had been wanting to get it over with. Now he wants you to stay longer. To make an excuse to prolong it but he cant think of a good reason why. He begins to play a new tune he made on the spot. It sounds so soft and lovely. Comparing it to a feeling of longing and needing of you. It was a clear feeling of wanting you near him. Dark stops and takes out a pencil and writes down the notes.

Dark feels it again that thing in his chest thumping away. He clenches his chest, why does it do that the thinks. There it goes.

Thump Thump. He pictured your eyes.

Thump thump* He pictured your face.

Thump Thump* He sees your smile.

Thump Thump Thump* He thinks of how you feel so close to him.

Thump Thump Thump* Your lips so soft.

Thump Thump Thump Thump* The thought of his lips crushing into yours.

“(Y/N)…. why do you do this to me…” Dark whispers.

Bright Lights I

TW: Bipolar disorder, manic episodes 

AN: This a retelling of a scene in Bright Lights that shows Carrie having what she describes as a manic episode. That’s why I put most of it under the cut

“Seriously, though, you secretly want something, I know you do…” Carrie pointed at one of the camerawomen, then smiled. Her attention abruptly switched to the television in the corner of the room. “You know, I could do a pretty good Streisand…” Carrie turned her head away from the camera and sang along. “A funny girl… that’s me… I keep them in stitches… doubled in half… and though I may be all wrong for the guy… I’m good for a laugh.” She sighed and sunk deeply into the couch where she sat.

“UGH!” The violence of her exhale attracted everyone’s attention instantly. “I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across the floors of silent seas!”  

Sarah, the producer, felt uncomfortable. This wasn’t the Carrie she’d come to know as she’d filmed Bright Lights. This Carrie was different. She was high energy, like she always was, but this energy was different: it wasn’t light and fun, but rather dark and desperate.

Keep reading

10

Photographer Akhil Suhas Travels 6 Months Across New Zealand With Gandalf Costume & His Photographs Are Amazing

“I wanted a recurring subject in my photos and with so many photographers visiting the country, I figured that I needed to do something to set me apart!” he said. “I was watching the LOTR for the 5th time when I figured New Zealand is famous for 2 things: its landscapes and the LOTR + Hobbit Trilogies. So why not combine the two by having Gandalf in the landscapes?”

 I tried the camera on a tripod with a timer shot, didn’t work for me…So, I started asking the people I met along the way if they wanted to put on the outfit.“ 

Yuuri following Viktor around while taping and narrating like a nature show
  • Yuuri: *getting off plane in Russia, taping himself and Viktor* You guys, I realized most of you have never seen a Viktor Nikiforov in it's natural habitat, so I'm gonna start a series as I experience it.
  • Viktor: *laughing* Are you kidding me?
  • Yuuri: *dead serious* Nikiforov's apparently find things less believable when they're in Russia. *tapes Viktor laughing* and has a laugh just as beautiful.
  • Viktor: *turns bright red as he laughs and walks away from phone *
  • .
  • Yuuri: *Taping Viktor who is fussing over Yuuri's bruised feet* It seems a Viktor Nikiforov in it's homeland is far more fussy than in Japan.
  • Viktor: *looks up with a serious look* A Viktor Nikiforov doesn't care where we are, you need to take care of your beautiful feet.
  • Yuuri: *wiggling his toes* Ooooo, a Viktor Nikiforov in Russia has a /foot fetish/
  • Viktor: *shoves camera away laughing*
  • .
  • Yuuri: *taping Viktor trying to whip the smoke away from a triggered fire alarm* I'm here with a Viktor Nikiforov, this particular one has forgotten how to live in it's own territory.
  • Viktor: *looks at him, before whipping the phone* I have not! *goes back to it*
  • Yuuri: it's really quite sad to see one so far out of it's depth.
  • Viktor: *in a whine* Yuuri, come help!
  • Yuuri: *walks over to table, drags a chair underneath the alarm*
  • *gets on chair, turns off the alarm with a simple press of the button* *pans to an embarassed but smiling Viktor*
  • Viktor: You can't be serious.
  • Yuuri: *amused* Deadly
  • .
  • Yuuri: *obviously hiding behind the couch while Viktor and Yuri set up the Xbox one* This is an incredible scene, a Viktor Nikiforov and a Yuri Plisetsky struggle with their own gaming system.
  • Yuri and Viktor: *different variations of* Shut up, we've got it!
  • Yuuri: *dive rolls behind chair* it seems both have become aggressive in their confusion upon spotting me.
  • Viktor: *laughing*
  • Yuri: what the fuck is happening?
  • Yuuri: The Plisetsky is asking questions that I don't have answers for.
  • Viktor: Yes you do, don't lie!
  • Yuuri: *aggressively points camera at Viktor*/No I don't!/
  • Yuri: Why are you talking about us like you're in the wild?
  • Yuuri: I mean, isn't being around Russians akin to being in the wild?
  • Viktor: *lies on his back on the floor while he laughs*
  • Yuri: is this a thing? Like for fans?
  • Yuuri: No, they're for me, I like rewatching them.
  • Yuri:
  • Yuuri: *straight facing it like a champ*
  • Viktor: *crying*
  • Yuri: Are you okay?
  • Yuuri: *giggles in a moment of weakness* It seems the Plisetsky and Nikiforov have abandoned their task.
  • Viktor: *screams in his fit of laughter*
  • *video ends*
4

Two athletes have provided one of the most inspirational moments of the Rio Olympics so far when they tripped over each other in the women’s 5,000 metres - then helped one another to carry on.

American Abbey D'Agostino and Nikki Hamblin of New Zealand were 3,000m into the race today when D'Agostino appeared to clip Hamblin’s heel, sending both tumbling to the ground.

But instead of appearing frustrated that their dreams of glory were apparently over, both women put on a display of the Olympic spirit that will live on long after the Games are over.

D'Agostino, 24, immediately got up to help her rival - then, as it became clear that she had a right ankle injury, Hamblin tried to help her continue.

Both athletes attempted to start chasing after the pack that had left them. But D'Agostino could not keep going as her knee had apparently twisted awkwardly in the fall.

She told Hamblin to go on as she collapsed on to all fours on the track. But the camera then came back to D'Agostino and she was back on her feet and running again.

Hamblin said: ‘When I went down, I was like “Whats happening, why am I on the ground?” And suddenly there’s this hand on my shoulder like “Get up, get up, we have to finish this.”

‘I’m so grateful for Abbey for doing that for me. I mean, that girl is the Olympic spirit right there.

‘I’m so impressed and inspiring that she did that. I’ve never met her before. Like, I’ve never met this girl before. And isn’t that just so amazing?’

Both Hamblin and D'Agostino were subsequently promoted to the 5000m final on Friday. [x]

top 10 phan moments that make me wanna rip my heart out

yeah, just ten moments among hundreds, let it be part one or something. tell me what i’ve missed because i want more suffering in my life.

10) mind control.

i mean, i appreciate the subtlety. i crave those tiny moments that you only notice when someone points them out to you. but this! you can’t miss this one, this moment is shoved down our throats. this is so “i’m allowed to do that to you, to be in your personal space, and gaze into your eyes for no reason, just because i want to”. and phil’s face in that moment, so much joy and mischief, he claps his hands and gazes back.

9) chest touch.

drama queen howell strikes again, it hurts to rewatch it srsly, why is he so extra? but what is phil doing ladies and gents? he slaps his chest in the weirdest way possible, he brushes it, it’s like he wants to shove him but reassuringly and the movement happens so fast you have to pause for a second to comprehend it. that sweet gentle boy is so fond of dan’s unnecessary commentary and yeah, it completely distracts us from what dan is saying at that moment.

8) feel my heartbeat.

was that necessary, really? like, i don’t ask my friends to feel my heartbeat when i’m scared, that was such a “horror movie at first date” bullshit, that’s not what people do?? and when dan does feel that beautiful hummingbird heart, phil just covers his hand with his own palm because yes, you gotta feel it very close, no air between your hand and my chest. dan immediately looks into the camera to show us that yeah, i know you’re there, nothing strange, and makes a comment about phil dying. wow.

7) phil the delivery man.

i don’t know what to say. it’s so simple but why does phil have to make such an act of bringing dan his charger, why does he talk in that stupid voice?? they have a banter, and then phil FIXES DAN’S CHARGER FOR HIM, like what?? who asked you to do that? where’s my IT guy au (literally, he’s got glasses, look at him). and before he leaves he plays the piano that nerd, what an attention seeker, and then bows!! is he tipsy? did he have a pre-liveshow orgasm or something? dan laughs fondly and it’s all i need in the world.

6) child beer.

what’s happening and does it even matter. phil’s hiding on the floor, but why? to surprise us? eh whatever. so he’s got that magical japanese powdery stuff and he wants dan to taste it. the biggest problem for me here, ahem, i mean the thing that just kills me every time is that phil spends the whole time (eight minutes) on his knees and he looks so cute when he makes that beer, holds it close to the camera, and then lets the foam sit so dan can have the ultimate child beer experience.

it reminds me of that hot chocolate video, where he does something so trivial but he’s so gentle and loving about it. i still don’t understand why they didn’t do a simple taste test like bros, but phil had to make it for dan, he wanted to see his reaction. and then he tries it as well, touches the glass rim with his lips at the same place where dan’s mouth just was (gross).

and i just can’t ignore how that boy sneaks past dan’s room after that, he’s playful, he stops to say that he googled something and dan was wrong, and domesticity, i wanna die.

5) sleeping phil on tour.

i kinda wanna talk about the angle here because i don’t understand how it was filmed (camera is pretty static, dan’s hand reaches from the side, not behind), but i don’t know if it matters here. what matters is how gentle dan is. of course, he starts with classic nose tickling, which is what “messing with a sleeping friend” usually implies, but then he frees one strand of phil’s hair and just lets it fall. wow, fantastic prank, dan.

and let’s separately discuss that pout/kiss phil does after he opens his eyes. i know you want a slow mo replay, so here we go:

that’s what i call “im gonna stay asleep but i love you”. where’s the nearest cliff so i can fling myself into abyss?

4) the look.

context what context. why did they keep it? why did they put it on fullscreen instead of hiding in the corner? two full-length looks dan, really?? you know what he looks like, why do you have to examine him like that in front of us you slut. and it just passes, without acknowledgment, they just turn back at us simultaneously and I’M STILL DEAD at that moment, i don’t care what happens next.

3) snoot. proot. (i just filmed you doing that)

i don’t even care what it was. something about piano sounds or whatever, but this video haunts me. THERE’S SO MUCH TO IT. first, phil is lying on dan’s bed (at least in the official version it’s dan’s, not mutual), just chilling?? and dan’s working i guess. so they are not actually doing something together but it’s a cozy evening, why would they spend it in different rooms? dan says something, idk, and phil replies “yeah” in that deep voice I SWEAR i haven’t heard from him before. dan makes the sounds again, like can you believe he’s an actual dork in real life, it’s not an act, he’s actually the weirdest boy alive, and he so obviously doesn’t know he’s being filmed. because when phil says “i just filmed you doing that you’re so weird”, he’s so delighted, he laughs at himself, he turns around, his hair is pushed back omg they are both so sleepy and i rejoice. i think this video gives us a rare but fantastic insight in their everyday life, phil must be keeping so much silly videos like that on his google drive and we never get to see them BUT SOMEHOW he posts this one, probably because dan is cute and he wants everyone to know it.

2) you loved it. you wanna do it more.

so, yes. you know this one. where do i even begin?? they play this dragon quiz and then 1) phil says “you loved it” in the strangest voice, like the voice we never hear from him, it’s deeper and quieter, he looks at dan even though dan’s not looking back; 2) dan is looking down as if he’s fiddling with an ipad or something, it’s almost a bts moment, something they would usually edit out. AND THEN THREE SECONDS OF SILENCE while dan kinda processes what’s going on and phil still looks at him expectantly. seductive as fuck. and now this quiet “alright”, i’m just… dan looks like he’s gotten the hint, so he’s a little embarrassed and they share the softest laugh. 

the thing is, we know how often phil makes sexual innuendos and dan always reacts the same way: he looks into the camera, he throws a witty comment in, he puts it on display to show us that there’s no intimacy in that moment. but not this time. i don’t understand why they didn’t edit it out. i just… don’t.

1) pantless liveshow
this is the ultimate. this is the weirdest and the most awesome thing these two gave me and i’m not even sure what can top that. the moment when phil decides to grab the humidifier and show us, he looks at the screen, says “one second” and stands up very awkwardly while dan turns the laptop away from him and makes the weirdest “how you doing” face. 

WHAT THE FUCK. did they think we were so used to them weirdos that we wouldn’t even notice that shit? but fuck, they do it again, they want to show us the spray and dan goes “should i go get it? you have to do phil’s corner”. like, i can’t function, i honestly can’t. AND THE WORST PART is when dan returns and we can see him covering his legs with a blanket just too fast like it’s not that cold boy come on.

i have no explanation and i have every explanation. i don’t deserve all this suffering.

Voltron Ghost Adventures AU where all five of them are just a mess of clunky camera gear and nerves and they constantly have the weirdest experiences as they stumble into haunted houses just hoping for the best

  • “Pidge, you brought the night vision goggles right???” “No, you said grab provisions. I got some Skittles and a Twinkie. Why, do you want the Twinkie?” “Pidge, you had one job.”
  • For some reason, spirits in almost every single house grab Lance’s ass and no one can figure out why
  • “Jesus, Hunk, take me to dinner first” “Lance, I’m across the hall” “Ohhhh my gooooood GUUUYS A SPIRIT JUST GRABBED MY ASS”
  • Shiro always gets things thrown at him. like, every single time. It’s where he’s gotten most of his scars because they’ll be walking into a kitchen and a chair will come skrrrrting around the corner and fly at his face
    • “But why is it always me?” “Probably because you’re so offensively good-looking” 
  • If there’s a scary doll in the house, it will find Keith. It always does.
    • *somewhere, Keith shrieks* “haha guess you could call Keith a chick magnet” “Lance, I hope a spirit pushes you down the stairs just because you said that stupid pun” “Y’know, Pidge, you’re always so sweet to me”
  • Hunk screams at any movement or creak in the house, every single time
  • Pidge gets into the habit of talking with the spirits like they’re her best friends and ignores imminent danger because she just explains it as them having a nice conversation
    • “Hunk, put me down, I’m fine, Charlene just wants to point me to where her body is” “PIDGE, THERE IS A KNIFE FLYING TOWARDS YOUR FACE I DON’T THINK SHE CARES IF YOU FIND HER BODY”
  • Most of the time, they just end up recording them creeping around abandoned shacks really carefully
  • Hunk always uses too much zoom so when he and Lance are exploring the west side of a mansion and Lance turns around and whispers “did you hear that”, all that Hunk sees on his night vision camera is Lance’s huge glowy eyes and his gigantic nostrils
  • At least once a week, they get locked in the basement of wherever they’re exploring and it always becomes a situation of life or death for them to escape yet they forget to plan for how to prevent it for the next time

So I remember reading somewhere that Misha getting on this dude’s lap was unscripted.

The dude who he’s sitting on seems slightly mortified like he’s not sure what to do or where to look.

The woman right behind them is staring out of the corner of her eye, but trying not to stare because Misha is apparently still delivering lines and no one has stopped the scene yet.

And then one guy on the left is just full on staring and laughing because WTF Misha?

Introducing Draco to Social Media Would Include:
  • “Face… book?”
  • “Tumblr? Isn’t there supposed to be an ‘e’ in there somewhere? I don’t trust it.”
  • “Who is Instagram and why does she sound so tacky?”
  • His favorite filter on Snapchat is the dog filter because he’s just that white.
  • His story is 200 snaps long and all about Potter.
  • “Tweeter?”
  • Whenever he gets a notification from Twitter and the phone makes that bird sound, he screams like a little girl.
  • “Whats the point of making a video if it’s only six seconds long? I can’t even finish my sentence in six seconds.”
  • “Besides, why have eight different social media accounts that do the same thing? You can post short videos of yourself on Vine, Insta-whatever and Snapchat… Why are Muggles so redundant?”
  • BUT YOUTUBE THO
  • He loves Dan and Phil, obvi
  • You find him two weeks later in the bedroom singing ‘I’m a Barbie Girl’ in front of a camera without a shirt on.
  • “Uh… Draco… What are you doing?”
  • “I WAS MAKING A VIDEO FOR THE YOUTUBE! LOOK AWAY!”

Originally posted by love-fear-and-youth

things i will never get tired of: fahc ryan whose modeling career didn’t completely end after he joined the fakes

  • ryan,  who mostly models overseas so the rest of the crew have no idea until gavin sees him on a billboard while vacationing in england. gavin sends a pic of it to the crew group chat and ryan comes home to the penthouse wallpapered in photocopies. 
  • “why didn’t you tell us?” “what do you mean, why didn’t i tell you? you never asked!” “ryan!“ 
  • once everyone finds out, the teasing is merciless. michael and jeremy follow him around with cameras for weeks - “ryan! over here, ryan! can i get a smile? vogue for me, ryan!“ 
  • geoff gives him a new codename for every heist - "okay gavin, you and brooke shields over here take the chopper and give us cover” “heidi klum, have you bypassed that security team yet?” “who’s shooting at us? tyra banks, is everything okay? tyra banks, do you copy? tyra?? tyra!!!”  
  • but then one heist requires team love n stuff to do some undercover surveillance at the los santos art gallery’s annual gala; gavin’s dressed to the nines (no surprise there) but ryan steps out in the sleekest tux money can buy and the entire penthouse freezes because goddamn ryan is fucking attractive how the hell did we all miss this and ryan just smirks, shooting geoff a wink as he walks out the door. the teasing stops. 
  • speaking of tuxes, ryan’s wardrobe being filled to the brim with designer clothes: custom-made suits, jeans tailored to perfection, egyptian-cotton shirts, italian leather boots - gifts from designers he’s helped out of sticky situations over the years, with labels and tags cut off to prevent anyone from connecting him to his day job.
  • ryan keeping tabs on all of his model friends. ryan volunteering to be the plus-one/undercover body guard for the fancy parties his female colleagues attend. ryan “paying visits” to modelling agencies who bully and abuse their talent. ryan getting called to fill in at fashion shows at the last minute bc let’s face it, he doesn’t really need the money anymore but it’s a good side gig and they always take care of him so sure, he’ll go to milan for fashion week lemme just ask my boss if i can get the next few days off
  • (and geoff is sooo annoying about it, too - “okay, but you gotta take a picture with gigi and bella” “geoff, i don’t even know if they’ll be there-” “you gotta do it man and get jack some new dresses or something she’s still upset that you blew up her favorite cargobob” “fine”)
  • idk man i just love model!vagabond so much
fun psychosis things

- *having fun* oh shit am i real

- *wakes up and its quiet* looks like im the last one on earth 

- the Bugs

- googles “red bumps on legs”

- i need to do something with my life like… rob a bank

- googles “red bumps on arms”

- kill them. you gotta.

- hidden cameras

- someone in here can read my mind

- googles “red bumps on face”

- #yolo

- sits on bed and dissociates for 10 hours 

- i have No Feelings, i am no weakling

- im so emotional why doesn’t anyone love me *cry*

- kill the cat (why?) you gotta

- REALLY SEXUAL THOUGHTS IN PUBLIC AND IT’S WORSE WHEN THERE’S A MIND READER AROUND

- *someone does something that slightly annoys me* “kill them”

- googles “red bumps on back”

- SENSORY OVERLOAD

- relating to things that aren’t even close to what i feel ever why do i do that

- my posters are watching me get dressed

- the government is watching me

- something around the house is… Not Right

- my family has been replaced

“why do you use crayola colored pencils and copy paper”

“why do you use ms paint and paint.net”

“why do you draw with a mouse and not a tablet”

“why don’t you use a good digital camera and not your laptop/camera phone”

“stop showing me a picture of an empty wallet”

100 Reasons to Love Kim Namjoon

today is my 3 year anniversary of loving namjoon and so here’s 100 reasons everyone should love him !!!!!!!

  1. he gave up a stable future of studying and going to college (despite being so smart) to risk everything and pursue his dream of becoming a rapper
  2. had to fight criticism for being an ‘idol’ rapper and struggled for years with his decision and identity
  3. when he says he loves himself !!!!
  4. never forget this cute tummy flash !!!!!!!!
  5. he loves all his members so much sosososo much, he always puts them before himself 
  6. WHEN HE’S LAUGHING REALLY HARD AND HE STARTS SEAL CLAPPING
  7. that one time tae came to sleep next to namjoon and namjoon sleepily held tae’s hand and wouldn’t let go
  8. his signature move when he takes his two index fingers and covers one of his eyes while looking deadass into the camera
  9. HIS DOE SHAPED PRETTY CHOCOLATE BROWN EYES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  10. professional self-dragger, literally willingly drags his own ass
  11. his mixtape release in 2015, every song was so important and deep and okay, it’s largely forgotten because of yoongi’s mixtape but it has so much emotion and meaning behind every song
  12. he loveloveloves dogs !
  13. literally has looked like the best thing the world has to offer no matter what rainbow ass hair color bighit sticks him with
  14. that golden age when his hair was black when will that look come back from the war ://////////
  15. you know that thing he does when he’s been rapping and suddenly breaks out into a smile and scrunches his nose and winks with one eye mmmmmmmmokay !!!!
  16. his angry rap when his neck veins show because he’s literally putting his all into it
  17. the way he looks in beanies !!!!!!!!! with one ear tucked in and the other sticking out
  18. the mole on the left side right under his jawline 
  19. the fact that he literally read books on philosophy for hyyh
  20. THE WAY !!!!!!!!! HE LOOKS !!!!!!!!!!!! IN A SUIT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  21. that time his speaker wasn’t working and he yelled at it and it started to work, Legends Only
  22. the fact that he isn’t afraid to try out weird kinds of fashion and won’t hear shit about it
  23. has been known to support LGBT since 2012
  24. THAT TIME BTS WERE IN ISAC IN 2015 AND HE WAS EVERY MEMBER’S HYPE MAN 
  25. when he’s too lazy to wear contacts so he wears his thick black rimmed glasses :’(((((((((((
  26. that time he had a wardrobe malfunction and had his whole shirt ripped off during that dance break and he did the whole performance holding up the sorry remains of his shirt 
  27. the fact that kim namjoon invented dimples !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no really he did
  28. how he is literally incapable of doing a fan sign without making it a display of how much aegyo he can fit in any given span of time and then immediately be shy and embarrassed about it
  29. 6 feet tall, he is 6 feet tall also don’t forget that he is literally the eiffel tower because nothing is taller than 6 feet just sayin
  30. that amazing and blessed time he had silver hair and my heart literally exploded !!!!!!!!!!!
  31. HIS PRETTY PINK POUTY PLUSH PERFECT LIPS 
  32. that time bts was doing rainism and he was the only one who didn’t know all the moves and messed up but pulled it off confidently in the end
  33. he literally loves his mom so much i’m :’(((((((
  34. HIS ALL BLACK OUTFITS AND THE WAY HE LOOKS WHEN HE WEARS ALL BLACK AND THE WAY ALL BLACK LOOKS ON HIM AND -
  35. the fact that every time someone tells him to do a freestyle dance, it’s literally the same awkward robotic jerky dance with the failing arms and legs since 2013
  36. when he tries to sing even though the members laugh at him
  37. HE JUST WANTS TO CATCH CRABS FOR GOODNESS SAKE
  38. his cute soft pretty pink knees :’))))))))))
  39. in the fire era when he had that acorn haircut and pulled that shit off when will your fave ever
  40. he reads, he has an IQ of 148, he was the nation’s top 1% in 5 subjects in high school, he -
  41. his smile his beautiful glorious soft glowing stunning breathtaking smile that smile that you only have the privilege of seeing someone have one in a million times in your life, the kind of smile that could change the world
  42. the way he looks in a choker the way he looks in a choker the way he looks in a chok-
  43. okay !!!!!!!!!! but his cute squishy tiny nose so kissable n someone please bop it and pinch it and it’s soosososo cute 
  44. the way he gets his hands inky and dirty every single fan sign every single darn one !!!!!!!!!!!! why are they dirty? what is he doing ?????
  45. THE AUDACITY HE HAS TO WINK AND BITE LIPS AT CAMERAS THE SHEER AUDACITY
  46. the way his arms look in sleeveless tops his arms !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  47. the way he looks in snapbacks mmmmmmmmmmmm
  48. that time on running man when everyone was supposed to have as many boxes as possible and he literally got his box snatched from his hands and he tripped over nothing he’s the dorkiest softest boy -
  49. SAILORMON !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  50. that time he wore the army khakis and outfit and i just ://////// oh my god
  51. his side profile his perfect gorgeous beautiful angelic side profile !!!!
  52. his obsession with ryan and how happy he got when jimin got him a ryan cake for his birthday fkdsfhgfd
  53. legs for days !!!!!!!!!!!!!
  54. that time namjoon was a minion for halloween 
  55. “I had to dance to survive in this cold, cruel world.”
  56. his cute outfit in the baepsae dance practice video :((((((((((
  57. he looks sosoososososo unbeliveably beautiful bare faced i just love him so much 
  58. that time during the hyyh prologue shooting when all the members were piling onto him and he yelled ‘MY BALLS, MAN’
  59. his fucnkgn !!!!!!!!!! puma photoshoot binch !!!!!!!!!!!
  60. the fact that he sang expensive girl and took the fact that he didn’t get a grammy for it like a man :///
  61. that time they won their first award in 2015 and he was cleARLY CRYING but denied it like “i’m not crying”
  62. THAT TIME HE LITERALLY DESCRIBED HIS ERECTION ON LIVE RADIO AIR IN ENGLISH 
  63. that one time !!!!!!!!!!!!!! bts had an outdoor performance and his white shirt got sososososooso sweaty it was basically stuck to him and see through if you don’t know what i’m talking about then goodbye
  64. those RARE times when he smiles and sticks his tongue out at the same time !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  65. that time he was complaining about jungkook and the fruit flies and the weird as shit way he pronounced ‘vaccuum’
  66. his messy friendship with jackson 
  67. the fact that he apologized for the mistakes he has made in the past and made no excuses about them 
  68. award for having the world’s cutest and flattest tushy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  69. i don’t know if anyone noticed but the way he holds his fingers when he’s explaining something like he puts them in awkward bent angles and they’re really long and expressive i just looooovvveeeee
  70. that time he was doing a duet with this female singer for a show and he picked her up from the airport and held a sign with her name and got shy around her he’s the biggest gentleman DDDD:
  71. deep husky voice like shots of pure liquid gold sends shivers down my spine ://////////
  72.  KIM DAILY
  73. that time he held a tiny itty bitty baby frog on his index finger i dont know why it was so cute of him i just !!!
  74. sweaty namjoon when namjoon sweats the sweat namjoon produces 
  75. that time he tried to twerk but ‘something keeps dangling’
  76. when !!!!!!!!!! he wears tight pants and his thighs are almost bursting out of his pants jdfkkhkj
  77. the way he says ‘baby’
  78. EVERY ‘WHAT AM I TO YOU’ PERFORMANCE HE’S EVER DONE
  79. that time he was asked to pick between solo and bts and didn’t hesitate for a microsecond before saying bts
  80. THAT TIME NAMJOON DID THIS GUITAR ACOUSTIC WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND HE RAPPED SO SWEETLY MY HEART OVERFLOWED
  81. taught himself english by listening to 10 english dvds 10 times over 3 years 
  82. special thank you to every namjoon stylist who made him wear low cut shirts
  83. THE WAY HE LOOKS WEARING A MASSIVE HOODIE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  84. ‘and i’m sexy like a porn star’
  85. accepts and settles for being the least popular bts member
  86. the way he looks when he wears headbands 
  87. when his sleeves are super long so he has sweater paws and his pretty fingers stick out slightly jdsfkshgkjfmncvb
  88. sub par body rolls that can still make you squirm and cry :////////
  89. once when he was the first in a lineup in a fan sign he told a fan ‘now you’ve practiced on me, you can do this in front of your real bias’
  90. got to write in “힙합하다 1” (‘This is Hip Hop 1: South Korea, Hip Hop and Life’) which is a hip hop book for 42 top korean hip hop artists
  91. THAT TINY MOLE BELOW HIS BOTTOM LIP THAT YOU CAN ONLY SEE IF HE SMILES REALLY WIDE
  92. the way he looks in a tie ohohohoohohoho my gosh !!!!!!!!!!!!!
  93. that time in the ariport the cameraman said ‘the girls love you guys’ and namjoon was like ‘thanks, we love you too’
  94. the way he wrote about the sunset in his diary when he went to dubai 
  95. HE HAS BENDY ARMS !!!!!!!!! NO REALLY I SWEAR THEY BEND BACKWARDS 
  96. he once told a fan ‘sorry’ when she told him she got him photocard
  97. he said that he wanted to know what it was like going to college and sometimes he feels like he missed out on that experience :///
  98. can you believe namjoon invented having pretty hands??????? Amazing
  99. he cares sosooso much about other people he’s always wondering how his fans are doing, what they feel like, always giving advice, always learning and growing, never stopping
  100. “I’m still existing, still breathing. Even though I keep looking forward and run, sometimes I still look back. The path in front and behind are still far, but even so, if the people who look at me are still dreaming and picking up their strengths, that alone makes me feel good. It’s okay to live this way, breaking down, getting hurt and looking back at the past. I will live. I am living like this. Me. Us.”
Penelope & Derek’s Matchmaking Service

Originally posted by theonewiththevows

Prompt: The reader and Reid both have a crush on the other person but are too scared of ruining their friendship to tell the other person. Penelope decided to give them a little push and drags Derek into her mischevious scheme.

A/N: This was an idea that popped into my head because I could definitely see Morgan and Garcia meddling in their coworkers love lives. I’m not opposed to making a part two of this, so let me know if that’s something that you would want. Also, anyone who can catch the subtle F.R.I.E.N.D.S. reference that is in here somewhere is my favorite person ever. Enjoy :)

Note: (Y/F/C) = your favorite candy

Warning: nothing

Word Count: 3k

Rating: PG


Penelope sighed in frustration as she watched you and Spencer alternate staring at each other. It was almost painful the way that neither of you actually caught the other doing so. It was like some form of fate caused you to look away a second before Spencer decided to look up. Derek noticed her standing in the doorway. “Hey Baby Girl,” he called and walked over to her. She muttered a “hello” before huffing and crossing her arms. “Whoa whoa whoa, what’s the matter gorgeous? Those processing systems in that big brain of yours hung up on something?”

“How does it not drive you crazy?” she mumbled and Morgan raised an eyebrow at her. 

“How does what not drive me crazy?”

“The two of them!” she whisper-shouted and spun around walking off toward her lair. Derek rolled his eyes, but obediently followed her down the hall. 

“Gonna need a little more information sweetness,” he told her, leaning against the doorframe. 

“Oh c’mon, do I need to spell it out for you? (Y/N) and Spencer. The way those two are pining after each other it’s both sickening and sweet at the same time. I’m not even a profiler and I can tell that they are head over heels. I mean I know (Y/N) is because she told me one night when I got her super drunk with the intent of forcing the information out of her, but that is beside the point,” Penelope explained as she pulled up the bullpen’s security video feed and maneuvered the cameras so they were facing you and Spencer’s desks. 

“What are you doing?”

“I’m people watching.”

“Do you do this all the time?” Morgan asked standing behind her chair.

“Only when we don’t have a case or anything else to do,” Penelope defended, “You would not believe how boring it gets in here and you people never come visit me!” 

“But why- you know what nevermind. Just please tell me that you don’t mess with the cameras in my office.”

“My vision, you are the object of my affection but for the most part my attentions have been focussed on my current OTP as you never do anything interesting in your office.”

“Forgive me for actually doing work instead of making googly eyes at my coworkers.”

“So you have noticed!”

“Of course I’ve noticed. The whole team has noticed. The only ones in the dark about it are the two of them,” Derek chuckled. Penelope smiled as she watched the two of you. You had gone over to ask Spencer something, but he had been so focused on his work you’d startled him and he’d almost spilled his coffee all over himself. 

“They are so cute,” she sighed, “Derek I want my OTP to be together!”

“Somehow I don’t think we get a vote or have the power to make that happen,” he replied, kissing the top of her head. Penelope suddenly perked up. 

“But what if we did?”

“What are you talking about?” he asked as she spun her chair around. 

“What if there was a way that we could force Reid’s hand and make him admit something or ask her out?”

“Baby Girl, Reid has specifically told me that he doesn’t want me messing with this. You think I haven’t tried to get him to make a move?”

“He told you that, but he never told me,” she chirped, turning back toward her computer and started typing away. She pulled up a website for custom floral arrangements and started clicking on various options. 

“What are you doing?”

“Creating something that all of you men hate. Competition,” she replied, patting the side of his face. A few more minutes of meddling the order had been placed, ready to be delivered tomorrow morning. 

“Why do I get the feeling I’m going to be the one he blames for this?” Derek sighed shaking his head. 

“Ha, do not worry my vision. If all goes bad, we pretend like it never happened,” Penelope told him.


You walked into the bullpen the next morning smiling happily as you carried two cups of coffee. You glanced around looking for Spencer, before nonchalantly setting one of the cups down on his desk and arranged the mountain of sugar packets you’d also brought into an orderly pile. You quickly scurried back to your desk and sat down, trying to look casual as you waited for Spencer to arrive. “No coffee for the rest of us, I’m genuinely hurt,” Derek teased, as he sat down on your desk.

“Hey, the only order I remember is Spence’s because it’s the easiest thing ever: a large black coffee and then just bring the whole container of sugar to him,” you replied trying to casually look around him. 

“Uh huh,” Morgan muttered, clearly unconvinced. 

“Good morning,” Reid said as he walked over to his desk past the two of you. 

“Hi, Spencer,” you chirped, “I stopped for coffee this morning and brought you some.”

“Thank you so much, you would not believe the morning I’ve had. How much do I owe you?”

“Don’t worry about it,” you replied tucking your hair behind your ear. 

“Well, thank you. Did you know that coffee was banned three times in three different cultures: once in Mecca in the 16th century, once when Charles II in Europe banned the drink in an attempt to quiet an ongoing revolution, and once when Frederick the Great banned coffee in Germany in 1677 because he was concerned people were spending too much money on the drink,” he rambled. You smiled and shoved Morgan off of your desk, so you could actually see Spencer. 

“Well, I didn’t know that, but I do know that banning coffee should be a crime,” you giggled. Reid smiled back at you and opened his mouth to say something but suddenly went pale. “What’s-”

“I have a delivery for a Miss (Y/N) (Y/L/N),” a man said cutting you off. 

“That would be me,” you replied, turning around. “What can..I..do..” you stuttered as you came face to face with a huge vase of lilies and red roses. 

“Sign here please,” the delivery man said, handing you a clipboard and setting the vase down on your desk. You scribbled your signature down on the form and handed it back to the man. “Have a nice day,” he said walking away. 

“Yeah, you too,” you muttered still too focussed on your flowers. 

“Oh my god, those are gorgeous,” JJ mentioned as she walked over to your desk. 

“Who are they from?” Emily asked, joining the two of you.

“I have no idea,” you replied, pulling the card off the side of the vase. 

“Read it,” JJ urged leaning in closer. None of you noticed that Spencer had unconsciously leaned closer to the group as well trying to listen. 

“Nothing can ever compare to your beauty, but these flowers are certainly a nice way to compliment it. I hope these make that lovely smile of yours appear on your face, signed your secret admirer,” you read out loud and closed the card. 

“Oooh, this is interesting,” Emily said nudging your shoulder. 

“Any idea who it could be?” JJ asked. 

“Not a clue,” you replied, sitting back down in your chair, “I’m not seeing anyone and no one has asked me out recently.”

“Anyone who you hope it is?” 

“Yeah, but considering he hasn’t shown the slightest sign of interest I’m pretty sure it isn’t him,” you mumbled. Unbeknownst to you, Spencer had wandered away into the break room fuming. This happened every time he’d finally work up the courage to ask you out on a date or flirt with you at all something would happen. Morgan would come interrupt,  Hotch would suddenly announce that you had a case, or in this case, some jerk would write you poetry and send you flowers. He downed the rest of the coffee that you had bought him and started making another cup. 

“You ok, Pretty Boy?” Derek asked watching Spencer stir the coffee quite angrily. 

“Just peachy,” Spencer growled. 

“Ya know, you could just ask her out. (Y/N) has no idea who sent her those flowers,” Derek casually mentioned. 

“Ha yeah right, I’m reasonably certain she’d rather have fancy flower man whoever he is,” he grumbled. 

“Fancy flower man? Really Reid, that’s the best you can come up with?” Derek asked trying not to laugh. 

“I have plenty of other vulgar things I could call him so don’t push it.”

“Hey, I’m not the one encroaching on your girl, but I would recommend you do something about it before you loose her to fancy flower man.”

“You think I should what?”

“Well, you’re her friend. I’m pretty sure you can find a way to top the giant array of flowers that he sent her.”

“I definitely could,” Spencer muttered, deep in thought, “I need to get to work but first I’m going to get Garcia to figure out who sent those to her.”

“Uh,” Derek stuttered, trying to come up with a way to divert him, “Why does it matter who it is? You should be more concerned with your plan to woo her, you can worry about who it was later.”

“You’re right. I’m going to take my lunch early. I need to go get a few things,” Spencer said and quickly rushed back to his desk to grab his wallet. Derek sighed in relief, happy that he’d managed to redirect Reid’s thought process, and made himself a cup of coffee. Your sudden presence in the break room caught his attention. “And where are you going lady of the hour?” he asked sipping his coffee.

“I’m grabbing another sugar for my coffee and then I’m going to get Garcia to find out who this admirer person is.” Derek did a spit take and started coughing. “Whoa, you ok?”

“Yes, yes, I’m fine. But maybe you should just let this play out? See if he reveals himself to you?”

“Derek, I just want to know who it is so I can tell him I’m not interested. There’s only one guy who’s attention I want and he seems to not really care.”

“Sweetness, Reid is a great guy just a little awkward and shy when it comes to ladies, you might try being a bit more obvious about it,” he teased. You furrowed your brow and slowly turned your head toward him. 

“How did you know I have a crush on Spencer?”

“I’m a profiler and I’m really good at my job.” Derek replied.

“Yeah sometimes I forget what we do for a living.”

“And the fact that Penelope can’t keep her mouth shut,” he muttered quietly to himself. Just not quiet enough.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing!”

“I’m going to kill her!” you growled and stormed off toward Penelope’s office. 

“No no no, wait!” Derek shouted as he chased after you. You tore the door open and walked in. 

“Hello my lovely, what can I do for you today?” Penelope chirped. You narrowed your eyes at her before flicking her on the side of the head. 

“OW!” she shrieked. “What was that for?” 

“I cannot believe you told Derek that I like Spencer. I told you that in confidence and you swore you wouldn’t tell another soul,” you fumed.

“Technically you told me that while you were drunk.”

“Same thing!”

“But you know I tell my chocolate thunder everything, so you should’ve expected this.”

“Ugh, my life is over,” you whined. “Spencer is still acting weird and now some stranger has sent me flowers. Can you make yourself useful and tell me who sent those at least?”

“I take offense to that comment!”

“Who told shared a secret that she swore she would take to the grave?”

“Fine,” she muttered, “but I already know who sent them. I looked it up earlier.”

“Then who is it?”

“It’s uh, Brian in payroll,” 

“Brian in payroll?”

“Mhm,” she mumbled, twisting a piece of hair around her finger.

“Uh huh, does Brian in payroll have a last name?” you asked crossing your arms.

“Yes, yes he definitely does.”

“Yeah? What it is then?”

“Well, I can tell you that it is most certainly not Morgan or Garcia.”

“Penelope,” you groaned. “Why would you do that?”

“I’m just trying to spice it up, you know force our dearest doctor’s hand.”

“Yes and in doing that you’ve managed to scare him. He took off fifteen minutes ago,” you grumbled flopping down in the chair beside her. 

“Aw, sweets it’s gonna be ok.”

“My life is over.”

“Hey look on the bright side, at least you got some bitchin flowers,” she said trying to lighten the mood. You lifted your head and glared at her.

“Not funny.” 

“(Y/N), you need to get back to your desk and take a look at this,” Derek said as he walked into Penelope’s office.

“And you! You knew she was going to do this and you didn’t stop her,” you growled and stalked over to him, poking his chest. 

“As upset as you are right now, I really think you should just go back to your desk. You might like what you find,” Derek replied pushing your hand away. You narrowed your eyes at him.

“If this is another part of this BS plan you two have going on, I’m going to kill you both,” you grumbled, stalking down the hallway. 

“What are you doing?” Penelope whispered at Derek, as they followed you. 

“Just watch,” he replied with a smug look on his face. You were expecting to see yet another bouquet of flowers that the two of them had sent to you, but you certainly weren’t expecting this. Your desk was scattered with various pieces of paper and rose petals. A large white teddy bear was sitting in your chair with a bouquet of gardenias nestled in its arms and a bag of (Y/F/C) tucked in beside it. You stood rooted in place out of surprise until Derek gave you a slight nudge. You walked forward and picked up one of the pieces of paper. You smiled as you recognized Spencer’s handwriting and started reading. It was a poem by Christina Rossetti, one of your favorites actually “I loved you first”. You had talked about this with Spencer months ago, when you both discovered your shared love of poetry. From the looks of it, he had managed to write down all of your favorite poems on these little notes (probably including a few of his own favorites) and put them all over your desk. You plucked the bouquet of gardenias out of the bear’s arms and smelled them. 

“Red roses traditionally symbolize love and passion while gardenias’ symbolize pure, secret love which more accurately displays how I feel about you,” Spencer mumbled from behind you. You immediately spun around and dropped the bouquet back in your chair, before throwing your arms around his neck and crashing your lips into his. He seemed to be stunned for a few seconds, before kissing you back and wrapping his arms around your waist. Hoots and hollers came from all around the office, mainly from Penelope and Emily. You separated a little breathlessly and rested your forehead against his. The pair of you were smiling from ear to ear. “Please tell me this isn’t a dream,” he muttered closing his eyes. 

“Nope,” you replied popping the “p”, “I’m real.”

“So I take it you like me too or else I think you’ve been sending some very mixed signals.” You chuckled and kissed him again. 

“Does that answer your question?” you asked, after you’d pulled back. 

“I think it does, and to think I had a whole speech planned out to make you at least go on one date with me,” he replied scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. You just shook your head and smiled at him.

“That’s so sweet, but how on earth did you have time to set this up? I couldn’t have been gone more than fifteen minutes,” you said, turning slightly to look at your desk,

“14 minutes and 23 seconds actually, but I’ve had the notes sitting in my bag for about a week now,” he told you. 

“Ok, that’s enough, back to work all of you,” Hotch said, commotion having finally drawn him out of his office. There was a collective “sorry” muttered from around the office, before Hotch turned his attention to the two of you. “Do we need to have a conversation or can I trust that this isn’t going to affect work?”

“I think we’re good,” you answered. 

“Good, now I need to call Dave and inform him that he owes me twenty bucks as do the two of you,” Hotch chuckled motioning JJ and Emily. The two women groaned slightly before reaching for their purses. 

“Wait, what?” Spencer asked raising an eyebrow, keeping his arms wrapped around your waist. 

“To make a long story short, we started a pool going for how long it would take the two of you to get together after three months of watching the two of you flirt. I had yesterday, Hotch had today, Rossi had tomorrow, and JJ had next Monday,” Emily explained as she walked up the stairs and handed the money to Hotch, who gladly pocketed it and went back in his office to presumably call Rossi who was off on vacation time. 

“I cannot believe this! How many people in this office are invloved in our love lives?” you cried in frustration, even though you were smiling. 

“Wait, who else is involved in our love life?” Spencer asked, looking down at you confused. 

“And that’s our cue to run chocolate thunder,” Penelope muttered, as she took off running dragging Derek along behind her. You shook your head and laughed, all irritation suddenly vanishing. 

“Wonder what that was about,” Reid thought out loud, as you unwound from his arms and moved all his gifts out of your chair. 

“Don’t worry about it, just remind me to tell Brian from payroll to send her some flowers,” you told him. He looked very confused but just shrugged and kissed your forehead. You grinned up at him, knowing that this was the start of one of the best times in your life. 

2

anonymous asked:

what's so iconic about the Viscosity Exchange ??

listen here. LISTEN. hERE. it’s just so good. (for anyone who wants to watch it back it starts at like :33 of the first undertale video.) okay first of all. the second phil first says viscosity dan immediately breaks off and turns to him with the crinkliest eyes and a lil wrinkled nose and it’s already aggressively cute and we are like a quarter of a second into this exchange. incredible. beautiful. to me it was such a significant thing that he doesn’t mock phil’s word choice to US in the way that he used to on dapg ALL THE FUCKING TIME, but instead he turns to PHIL and rather than mocking him he just does that cute confused face and kind of asks phil to clarify why doing a let’s play would involve viscosity at all. 

CUTE!!!! and then there’s A JUMP CUT!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! WHY? it HAUNTS ME TO THIS DAY! when we cut back, dan has completely dropped his on-camera voice and his body is pointed a little more inwards at phil. amazing. what happened in the lil bit that was cut out of this? we can ONLY GUESS. so then dan proceeds to ask in his much deeper/softer off-camera voice, “how can a let’s play have viscosity?” and honestly i am just left asking “how can such a dumb fucking question sound so soft and enticing wtf.”  and then phil tries to explain it in his silly way, he’s saying it’s “deep and sticky” and dan just gives a TEENY TINY SMILE and then turns to share it with us and THIS IS HOW HE IS REACTING TO PHILS WEIRD BRAIN NOW it’s no longer MOCKING it’s SOFT AND FOND and he’s smiling at us to sort of tacitly communicate how adorable he finds phil’s mind and i want dEATH and then, as if this weren’t enough, his voice drops even further and gets all hoarse as he asks phil, “do you know what viscosity is?” and just turns that same fond smile towards him 

and honestly if at this point you haven’t gone back to the video to watch this you really need to just for this part because holy shite man,,, that voice dan uses is Something and phil himself looks a lil shook and he gets all flustered and giggles 

and dan giggles while watching phil giggle and then phil says “let’s keep going!!!!!!” rly promptly and phil’s whole reaction was so unwarranted based on the actual words they are saying which makes me feel like phil is just reacting to dan’s flirty voice and basically wow this whole scene is everything to me ok you need to rewatch and appreciate it fully i still wake up in cold sweats thinkin about it

I want to talk about this whole “punching nazis” thing, which I have been thinking about for some days.

To start, let me clarify that I have no moral or ethical qualms with Richard Spencer getting punched in the face on tv. I’d be happy to see it happen again.

But I do have a couple issues with much of the dialogue that has emerged in the wake of this event.

A lot of the people suddenly talking about nazis right now are people who didn’t seem to even realize they existed in this country prior to this election.

A lot of people seem to have gotten some strange ideas about how and where nazis are typically encountered, or who they actually are.

So, I’d like to talk about some of the times in my life when I’ve encountered nazis.

Before I do that, let’s try to establish a definition. There are a lot of different stripes of fascists and white supremacists out there, with varying agendas and varying degrees of organization. In the US we’ve got many types, ranging from the KKK and Aryan Nation to various unorganized skinhead rabble to the newish group calling itself the Alt Right. It seems easiest, at least for the sake of this argument, to lump those all together under one general “nazi” category. But does that really make sense? I’ll come back to that. But for now, in most of the examples I will describe below, these were people who openly called themselves such.

Also, I want to establish a bit about who I am. I don’t like to discuss any of these things publicly, but I also feel like I kind of have to, to explain where I am coming from. So: I am Jewish, I am bi, I am neurodivergent. Due to this last thing, I have certain issues navigating the physical world. I am physically fit but not athletic. I have very little self defense training. By occupation I am a musician.

And lastly I want to point out that these examples are from 15-20 years ago and describe some of my earliest encounters with these forces to provide context. And I’m going to start with some clear cut cases:

I first became aware of the existence of modern nazis my first year in high school. This was in the suburbs of San Francisco. I had a few friends who were into punk music and culture. I heard about “white power punks” and nazi skinheads who would sometimes show up at shows. When I started going out I would see them every once in a while. When I started going up to the city, at that time there were places that were absolutely notorious for nazi skinheads. I never interacted with them, I always steered clear of them, and never really fell in with the punk scene anyway. But that’s when I first became aware that there were people in modern America who called themselves nazis and directly advocated for white supremacy.

To be honest I did not think of myself as their “target” because (in my mind, at that time) Jewish culture in the SF Bay Area was practically invisible and unlikely to be on their radar. In fact I didn’t think too deeply about who their target was. I mostly thought they were crazy people who loved violence and called themselves “nazis” because it was the meanest thing they could think of, that they were in favor of “white power” because it was so obviously wrong. At this time, there was fair amount of tension in the state around the issue of immigration from Mexico. But it did not occur to me then that there could have been any relationship between the xenophobia I saw expressed by mainstream circles in conversations about Proposition 187 and the blatant, violent white supremacy expressed by the skinheads on the periphery of local punk scenes. (also please note that I am aware that not all skinheads are nazis and that there is an anti-racist element within skinhead culture as well)

In college, in Pittsburgh, I lived on a store with a convenience store on one end. One of the people who worked in this store was a skinhead who wore a jacket covered in various white power/“rock against communism” band logos. He had a group of similar buddies that often hung around nearby, a couple of whom had aryan nation tattoos. On several occasions when I woke up in the morning I would find leaflets distributed up and down the block decrying the Holocaust as a “Jewish scam to make money”. These flyers were attributed to Church of the Creator, one of the more active neo-nazi groups in Pennsylvania at that time. Every once in a while I would cautiously engage in arguments with some people on the fringes of that crew of guys who hung out in the area. Things were sometimes tense but never got physical. Soon after 9/11 most of them disappeared. I don’t know why or where to.

While traveling alone in Slovenia, I nearly ran into a parade of about 40 skinheads chanting and marching in the street while I was on the way back to where I was staying. I do not know what specific group they were affiliated with but wore patches with the common “celtic cross” symbol used by far right/white nationalist groups all over the world. At that time, fascist graffiti covered Ljubljana.

Those are just a few of the more blatant examples from that time. These experiences were not rare. The KKK and various neo-nazi groups held public parades and rallies all throughout this period, and sometimes showed up as counter protestors or forces of violence at protests for progressive causes. They marched through downtown Pittsburgh - with the local government’s blessing - and many other cities in that region.

There were protestors at those marches, and there were people who fought the nazis directly, but the general consensus in mainstream liberal circles at that time seemed to be that nazis had the right to march just like anyone else, that any violence against them would be bad. It certainly wasn’t at all common to hear college educated, NY Times-reading liberals talking about the glories of “punching nazis”. This is a problematic but very complicated phenomenon: they were to be tolerated up until the point at which they’ve come into power.

But let me explain why _I_ didn’t go around punching the nazis I saw, during those times when I encountered them personally. To some extent, part of me did follow that logic mentioned above, but that’s not the real reason. The real reason is pretty simple: most nazis are a lot better at fighting than I am, they do it more frequently, they usually travel in numbers, they are often armed, and in almost every circumstance when I’ve encountered them the odds would not have been remotely in my favor had things gotten physical.

Richard Spencer was alone and unarmed standing in front of a video camera busily talking about an internet meme while he was sucker punched. This occurred in broad daylight in a very crowded, open area with a ton of media and police present. While I applaud the anonymous puncher for seizing upon that opportunity, that’s not really a typical situation in which one encounters nazis.

Recently, Richard Spencer posted a video in reaction to this incident. In this video he mentions that the Alt Right will not succeed if they are unable to be who they are in public. I’ve seen a lot of people pointing to this video as a sign of victory over the Alt Right, a sign that they are scared. I think the latter half is true but not the former. What Spencer is saying is that they are going to ramp up security. And I would anticipate that these people will begin to receive even more protection from the current administration.

So, this is one conclusion I’d like to leave here - in most cases “punching nazis” means getting involved in serious physical violence in which your life will be at risk. And that risk is only going to increase in the future. Fantasizing about punching some idiot talking about a frog on tv is fun, but I think it ignores the realities that many have faced and many more are about to face. And while many of us have disabilities that hinder us in this department, I think it would behoove anyone who is serious about getting physical with fascists to study and learn how to do so before getting involved in a situation you are unprepared for. I would also think long and hard before making that demand of anyone else. But that’s not the most important point.

I’d like to circle back to talking about definitions. The examples I gave above are obvious. These were people who, in almost all cases, were openly wearing the actual logos of white supremacist organizations. So let me bring up a different example:

About one year after 9/11 I was in Budapest, taking an overnight train to Amsterdam. I had a spot in a sleeper compartment on a train. I got on and a couple other passengers came in. One of them was a young guy, a little older than me (I was in my early 20’s at this time). He spoke English very well and we got to talking. It turned out he was an Austrian who worked in finance. Middle management at a major bank. He bought us a couple of beers and we were getting along. Inevitably, the topic of 9/11 came up. Seemingly out of nowhere, he explains to me how “there were no Jews in the building that day”. He then goes on to explain how 9/11 and the entire War on Terror that was then unfolding was all a Jewish plot to direct money to Israel’s armed forces. And hinted that the Holocaust was a similar plot. I tried to argue with him for a bit (without letting on that I was Jewish) but it was nearly impossible to get through to him, and he soon became surly and then passed out. I tried to do the same. But what caught my attention was that this man was well spoken, dressed conservatively, he looked every bit the upper middle class finance professional. It was difficult to imagine him in a street fight. No one would have described this person as being on the fringes of his society.

Up until a year ago, if I told this story to a European, or to an American person of color, they were unsurprised. But if I told it to a white American their reaction would usually be “yeah, well, that’s Europe for you”.

But that’s never been the case.

One common narrative is that many of the groups of fascists have figured out that they aren’t going to get very far if they are seen just thugs who march around on the street wearing in leather jackets getting in scraps. many of them have figured this out some time ago, and have been infiltrating mainstream education and corporate life. And yes, that is happening.

But there is a big problem with that narrative: it ignores the fact that many of America’s institutions and businesses are, themselves, organizations that promote white supremacy. Many of our banks, many of our police departments, our prison system, much of our media. Does these mean they are all “nazis”? Not really. But what it does mean is that white supremacy is not some outside force that just suddenly popped out of Steve Bannon’s suitcase. It’s been here for a long time. It is deeply engrained in our society. Fascism is not some new danger that we suddenly need to prevent from being “normalized” - for much of America, fascism has been the norm for a very long time.

Here’s my point with all of this: sooner or later, Trump will be defeated. This regime is monstrous, but I have seen the power and anger and sheer volume of opposition to it, and I do not think that this regime will last. My worry is, once this most obvious of enemies is defeated, the liberal establishment will go right back to completely forgetting that white supremacy and fascism are a major problem in this country. The sad fact is, even when Democrats in power, even when the POTUS is the most progressive sounding person electable, the nazis are still here, white supremacy is still here, fascism is still here. And not always on “the other side”. We need to remember that, we need to keep pointing to them and ostracizing them and speaking out against white supremacy and fascism even when it looks like things are more comfortable, because that comfort is a trap.