why do all the best people live away from me

anonymous asked:

I'm sorry.. No i'm not, but how stupid can one be to think transgender/gay is allowed in Islam? Unless your source is directly from the Quran or an authentic hadith, your argument is invalid. have you not heard of the story of Lut from the Quran? You can be gay and not act on it. thats fine. But to say that a muslim can be transgender and have gay relationships no, that's not. Hello Zinna! Not allowed. Unless you were a non muslim before then fair enough. Quran is our handbook to life.

The fact that you’re insulting me before even making a point make me think I’m probably not going to change your mind (even in the face of multiple sources and a sound argument) BUT for the sake of anybody else reading this who is genuinely interested or could benefit from the information, I’m going to answer.

—   There are multiple verifiable sources and ahadith which corroborate this particular truth:
- that gender variant people (whom we may today interpret as “transgender”) existed during the time of the Prophet (saw), AND
- that they were accepted as functioning members of society (and by & large
respected in their lived/chosen gender role)

—   In a modern context, several authentic, well respected institutions have ruled in favor of transgender people’s prerogative to transition and allow trans people to seek medical intervention and live as their preferred gender. These are not esoteric, left-wing or activist type rulings. These are not specific to any particular sect. These are rulings from places like Al-Azhar, the oldest Islamic university in the world (by a fatwa from Sunni Grand Imam Mohammed Sayyed Tantawi in 1992) and the Islamic Republic Of Iran, not exactly know for it’s lenient position on deviant lifestyles (from revolutionary-era Shi’a authority Ayatollah Khomeni in 1987).

What are your sources? Aside from an emotional knee-jerk reaction to something you don’t understand? You mention Lut - are you aware of any of the countless other interpretations of that passage, other than the one so often blindly wielded to justify hatred? Can you tell me what that passage is supposed to say about transgender people at all? Are you a scholar? Can you back up your claims, with solid logical and legal support? 

You call me stupid. I’m largely self-educated and of course my own knowledge is limited, but I have studied, for years, to better understand how my family and people like me can live more wholly and well under Islam. If I had any doubt, for even a moment, that this faith condemns me and people like me simply for existing; I wouldn’t be here in the first place. I’m blessed with the knowledge that Islam is much greater than the narrow, clueless bigotry that so often shouts over the rest. If I knew nothing else about this subject, knowing Allah would still be enough for me.

Do you believe in an infinitely merciful, all knowing, loving God? Why would you limit that to condemn something you don’t understand? To up and turn people away from the greatest truth there is in the universe? How cruel can you be? How does that in any way reflect submission to that same loving, merciful and omnipotent undying force?

I’m gonna keep living, and I’m going to keep supporting family like me. You do you. Allah knows best.

It's World Mental Health Day.

The truth is, I don’t talk about my mental health all that much. First, because it’s incredibly personal; I probably wouldn’t announce a urinary tract infection to the whole circle of my acquaintance, either. Second, because I firmly believe my mental health is not the most interesting thing about me. I’d rather be known as a good friend or a talented writer or a kind human being than “that girl who’s depressed and anxious.”

Mental health is complicated. Brains are complicated. Many people do not get the help their brains need, whether that’s therapy, medication, or acceptance and understanding (without having to run a terrifying, disturbing, invasive gauntlet of providing proof of illness). As long as the stigma surrounding mental health is allowed to flourish; as long as it’s expensive and difficult to get necessary treatment; as long as mental illness is equated with personal failing, laziness, or weakness, too many people will go undiagnosed and untreated. They will live shadow lives compared to what they could be living. I know I lived a shadow life for a long, long, long time. I can’t get that time back. But I can try and use my experience to help others.

That’s why talking about mental health is important. Too many people lose their lives to diseases that have treatments and tools for management. 

If I’ve learned anything from my own illness, it’s that there’s no magic wand, no magic pill, no magic person who can make it all go away. It’s up to me to do the heavy lifting. I have to make appointments (and keep them). I have to take the medication that’s been prescribed to me, and monitor how well it works (or doesn’t). I have to take care of myself to the best of my own ability. If I’m lucky (and I am), I’ll have people around who’ll sometimes help share the load. Just so I can catch my breath. Just so I can shrug out from under the weight for a while. I hope I can help others the way others have helped me. Ten-fold.

I’m grateful to every medical health professional who has listened to me. I am grateful to every person who has given me a hug when I needed one or made me laugh when laughing seemed impossible. I’m grateful that, although I have a mental illness, my illness is not who I AM.

Your illness isn’t who you are, either. And please, if you feel overwhelmed, sad, anxious, uncertain, or confused; if you just feel like something is wrong, talk to someone. A doctor. A loved one. A help-line. I know what it feels like to feel utterly alone. I can also tell you, from experience, that you are not.

One day at a time. One hour, even. One minute. Ten seconds, if that’s all you can handle. It’s hard as hell. But it’s not impossible.

My best friend is leaving to study in a strange new country, and while i couldn’t be happier for her, i wonder what this means for me.

I wonder if the next time she fights with her parents, will she think of dropping by my place and getting some muffins with me?
Will she message me the next time she panics or feels that an anxiety attack may freeze her to the bones?
Will she text me with her weird questions, which i always try my very best to answer?
Will she send me dumb jokes, and tag me in the countless memes she so often does?

When i can not deal with the world anymore, would she be there, from a world away?
What about our impromptu new year’s sleepover? When everyone out there was partying and i felt more alone than ever. But she came to the rescue and we ended up talking all night.
What about our plans? She was supposed to be my maid of honour, and the one who would tell every guy i’m with that she will chop his balls off if he hurts me.

I am a crappy cold person who doesn’t do best-friendship too well. She messages me and i reply after 5 hours, she tells me to post here and i promise her to do it next weekend and never get around to it.  But she is my best friend in the world. She knows everything i know, she has been such an incredible person. What would i ever do without my support system?

But then i think of us, and all we have been through in all the years we have known each other. We evolved from two people who were hardly fond of each other to people who would do anything for each other. No, she doesn’t live anywhere near me. No, she wasn’t in the same school as me. We never depended upon our circumstances to be friends, we were best friends despite them. So why would that ever change?

So yes, my best friend is leaving. My incredible beautiful best friend is leaving to go a few thousand miles away from me. My person, my brave little person is gonna go and meet new people and make new friends and study subjects foreign to her. But i’m not scared, all i feel is an incredible amount of pride. After the worst two years of her life, she is going to embark on a lifetime of happiness, and i couldn’t be happier.

Here’s to you. Thank you for brightening up my life. You know i have your back no matter where we are in the world- I’m just a skype call away.

Your idiot best friend.

—  The beginning of a Long Distance Friendship
Prompt List.

Message me the character and number and i shall write away :)

1. “All the people I’ve murdered by letting you live.”
2. “Shut up, okay? I’m getting you out of here. We’re going home.”
3. You mean more to me than you will ever know.”
4. “That’s the sound of his heartbeat.”
5. “Don’t you think for one second that I didn’t care.”
6. “I’m not a good example.”
7. “Why do you think they call me that name?”
8. “I’d go anywhere with you.”
9. “You’re mine, now.”
10. “It’d be in your best interest to run far away from me.”
11. “I won’t kill you…yet.”
12. “Does that hurt?”
13. “Who are you?”
14. “They killed my mother.”
15. “Are you the devil?”
16. “Yes, I love you!”
17. “We can’t just sit here and do nothing!”
18. “Get out.”
19. “I don’t want to see you anymore.”
20. “A baby.”
21. “Give em’ hell.”
22. “You look like someone I know.”
23. “You have too much power.”
24. “You’re going to die! Please stay!”
25. “Don’t leave me.”
26. “Fancy meeting you here.”
27. “Son of a bitch. It’s you.”
28. “You can’t just say that and expect me to go along with it.”
29. “What time is it?”
30. “You’re not worth it.”
31. “Why me?”
32. “You can’t do that.”
33. “Tell me a joke.”
34. “I need to hit something!”
35. “This the beginning of the end.“
36. “Don’t you dare say you love me!”
37. “Did you enjoy yourself last night?”
38. “I’m not good enough and it’s your fault.”
39. “Curiosity killed the cat.”
40. “I’m interested in you. I’m never interested in anything.”
41. “All of these new feelings are scaring the shit out of me!”
42. “Make me.”
43. “But…you were dead. I saw you die.”
44. “I can take care of myself, thank you very much.”
45. “I’ve waited for you. I’ve waited for six long, long years. You can’t show up out of the blue and expect me to welcome you with balloons.”
46. “No! Don’t hurt them! Hurt me, leave them alone!”
47. “I need my shirt back. How about you take it off.”
48. “I’m not scared of you.”
49. “If you walk out that door, don’t ever come back.”
50. “You killed my best friend. He died when you became…this.”
51. “I’m not going to give up on you this easily.”
52. “Someone once said ‘all it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy.’ I think they were right.”
53. “C'mon, I’m funny. Why aren’t you laughing?”
54. “Hey, it’s cold. Light a fire or something. I swear, you’re a cold blooded reptile.”
55. “Aren’t I just sweet enough to eat?”
56. “Go get em’, tiger”
57. “That doesn’t sound promising.”
58. “You have to stay here. It’s not safe out there.”
59. “I can’t be happy here. I can’t keep living like this.”
60. “That was such a good joke, hun. You should totally make a day job out of that.”
61. “Where’s the best place to hide a dead body?”
62. “I wanted to make you breakfast.”
63. “Can I come in?”
64. “You can’t just ignore your problems when the biggest one is standing right in front you.”
65. “I fell into a hole when you left. Now that your back, it’s gotten deeper and I’ve fallen harder.”
66. “Damn, you’re cute.”
67. “If it wasn’t illegal, I would totally murder your ass.”
68. “That doesn’t sound safe. Let’s do it.”
69. “Ever been to an amusement park?”
70. “Are you going to tell me how long you’ve been standing there? Or are you gonna stay there like a creep?”
71. “The thing is, you’re too ignorant to realize that you don’t matter to me.”
72. “Don’t you say you didn’t mean that. Don’t you dare, you asshole.”
73. “It’s too early for this. Go back to bed, sweetheart.”
74. “Shut the hell up and do something!”
75. “Is that sweet talk I hear?”
76. “Don’t expect that you won’t get hurt. Don’t expect that you’ll get out alive, either.”
77. “My horoscope says no.”
78. “Don’t be stupid, I’m not leaving you.”
79. “I’m begging you, please. I’ll get down on my knees if I have to.”
80. “You really think I’m letting you do this?”
81. “You’re hiding something.”
82. “Did they touch you or hurt you? Who was it? Are you okay?”
83. “Hit the lights.”
84. “Oh, don’t be shy.”
85. “The finale is the best part, my dear.”
86. “Why haven’t you been answering your phone?!”

anonymous asked:

All the lovely asks

I guess that works too lol

🌹- Are you/ do you want to be in love?
I am not. I wouldn’t mind it though.
🌸- Do you have a crush?
*pigeon blush*
🐝- Tag three friends and your three favorite things about them!
(How do I compliment?)
1. @pigeon-daddy is sweet, funny, and a pigeon lover.
2. @kuroshitsujionkrack is freaking hilarious, my Coo buddy, and the best kind of weird.
3. @shinigami-tears is super helpful, silly, and really nice.
4. (I’m a rebellious pigeon.) @bbshitpost is the one who started this all, puts up with my harassment, and is an all around good pigeon.
💐- Are you/do you want to get married?
Someday. Fun fact. Pigeons mate for life.
🌺- Do you have a best friend?
Yes, but she lives really far away from me.
🦄- List your three favorite things about yourself!
1.My feathers.
2.My eye color. (Light blue with mint green tints in certain light.
3.My empathy. I’ve been told I’m a very caring pigeon.
🥀- Have you ever had your heart broken?
Oh yeah.
🌻- What is the longest relationship you’ve been in?
2 years.
🦋- Tag three people you want to get to know better and state why!
(Honestly, all of you pigeons.)
1. @forensicreaper , because I like messing with them.
2. @shinigami-mistress , because she is an amazing writer.
3. @purpleskittlesquad , because they traumatized me with a submission.
🌼- What are you attracted to in people personality-wise?
I’m attracted to kind hearted empathetics that are nerdy af.
🌷- What are you attracted to in people physical appearance-wise?
I like a pigeon that takes care of itself. One that keeps up their personal hygiene. Body type doesn’t matter much to me, as long as it’s clean.

A Pinch of Salt

A/N; this is my second piece of writing it’s pretty long (3.1k words) and it involves Luke, it’s a best friend type thing, I hope you all enjoy it as much as you enjoyed Just a Simple Love let me know what you think, and my requests are always open!

Regret. It’s what fills you every time you see them together. Why? In hindsight it should be you and him, not him and her.

It’s quite ironic really, considering throughout your entire life Luke had always fawned over you, he always remained infatuated by you, even though you had both agreed that friendship was forever to be kept one hundred percent platonic.

As children, Luke had eyes for you, even at such a young age, even at the point in his life where his innocence was at its prime. When all of the other boys ran away from you because ‘All girls have cooties’ Luke stayed by you. And that you were grateful for. That was what brought you so close together. He was always by your side.

At the age of thirteen, you both had began to mature in your own ways due to puberty of course, and both began to develop different feelings completely because of hormones. It was that summer you had your first kiss and of course the first person you had rushed to tell, even before all of your girl friends was Luke.

When you told him, he felt so low. He thought he’d be your first kiss and you his. But of course he was too late and would never admit his feelings. However to you at this moment in time looking back you can’t help but think that is the first thing you did to push him away from you romantically.

Nevertheless, Luke had still admired you after that.

In high-school, many had often mistaken the pair of you for a couple. Luke didn’t mind, but you certainly did. It wasn’t that you were embarrassed by their assumptions, I mean never, Luke had girls lining up at his door with the click of his fingers, but he never seemed to keep a steady girlfriend for longer than a few weeks.

You on the other-hand despite all the ‘gorgeous’ things many were able to remark about your appearance, you could never seem to catch a boyfriend either because everyone thought you were with Luke.

And clearly guys respect bro code more than ladies respect girl code because for the whole of freshman year, not one guy had asked you out thinking you were dating Luke, whilst God knows how many numbers were slipped into his locker everyday, with a message scribbled along the lines of 'Y/N doesn’t have to know ;)xx’. Disgusting.

Anyways it always bugged you when people assumed you were with Luke first and foremost because guys stayed away.

But eventually that changed in the middle of sophomore year when a football player, who had known you and Luke and was well aware you were not together had asked you out, and of course you said yes. This was the first guy who has asked you out since you could remember.

And not only were you ecstatic, you literally yelled in the middle of Luke’s bedroom “Finally! People won’t think we’re dating!” Oblivious to the fact that Luke’s heart was crumbling with sadness, while you were only acknowledging yourself, whilst also being proud of pulling such a popular guy.

Reminiscing, here is the second setback of yours and Luke’s 'maybe more than friends’ relationship. God you were so stupid. Yet, Luke continued his dreams of you and him even though others were beginning to brake through to you.

By senior year, you had your average share of boyfriends and breakups for a typical teenage girl, whilst Luke remained without a girlfriend. You just thought he was not that type of guy, who wanted to be tied down and you established that hey, he maybe just has commitment issues? Right, because he did have his fair share of one night stands with plenty of cheerleaders, and other hot girls.

So by the time prom rolled around, you had just finished with your boyfriend at the time (unintentionally) and you were left dateless with just three days to go.

Without a doubt when you went to Luke for comfort, internally he was jumping for joy because this was a golden opportunity for you guys to cross the 'platonic’ walls of your friendship.

Therefore despite already having a date, Luke asked you anyway, and you were actually considering. But at the end of the day you didn’t feel right doing it because;
1. Luke already asked someone else, therefore they’d be in your position and that’s horrible.
2. You guys are friends and let’s face it, we all know in depth what happens after prom, and no way could you go there with him, not only because you weren’t attracted to him sexually, but because of how he’s treated other girls who he’s slept with. Which is ignoring them once he’s bored. And you are not that girl.
3. Lastly, he deserves to have a good time with a girl he could potentially end up with.

So that night you called him up and told him politely that you were declining, it just wasn’t fair. Luckily for you the head of the football team, Lance something, who you can’t even remember the name of now apparently was waiting for a chance to get with you since junior year. So it all worked out in retrospect from your point of view. You went with Lance and Luke with Holly, and yes you did enjoy it a lot more than you had expected.

However from Luke’s perspective he had just been rejected by you again, and you didn’t even realise the effect it had on him. And here it is, after looking down the line, this happened to be the third time you had cut ties on being intimate with Luke. And little did you know it destroyed him.

Then there was the night before he left to tour for the first ever time. You were both hiding in his bedroom, both near tears because everyday for the past fourteen years you had seen each other and that was about to dramatically change.

He was your best friend, your go to guy, the person to rely on, the insight to a male brain and your understanding as to why boys were boys. Of course you were going to miss him.

As you were both eighteen, there was alcohol involved that night (haha no one could stop you now !!) and you were both effectively touched by it. You guys went from giggling, to hysterically laughing to crying and then hysterically crying when reliving your childhood memories because realistically you were both adults now and it took Luke leaving for you both to realise that.

Like most people in drunken states you resulted in deep talks about everything from stupid topics of why cows could potentially save the planet to talks about where your lives were going and ironically love.

“Do you ever think you could love me?”

You remember those words slip from his mouth, and you didn’t even think twice about your answer because you’re best friends after all.

“Luke of course I love you. You’re my best friend I’m always gonna love you regardless. That is unless you forget about me when you are away being a rockstar” You giggled as you spoke, again the alcohol hitting you, but you were speaking from your heart.

Ladies and gentlemen, here we have it, number four of Y/N’s Unknown attempts at shattering Luke’s dreams, and heart for that matter. This wasn’t the response he hoped for, but he still 'took it with a pinch of salt’; a common saying that you would always say to him when he was sulking over something silly and continued to love you in both ways. As a friend and as a lover despite your obvious objection to romance.

After that came Luke’s brothers wedding which your entire family were invited to. It’d been just over a year since you had last seen Luke after visiting him on tour. You had kept in contact through your phones obviously, texting, face-timing and of course you had kept your snap streak (234 days).

But this was the first time you had seen each other in the flesh in a year due to your constant uni schedule and Luke’s new rockstar lifestyle.

Luke and you were both twenty at the time and over the past year Luke had kept up his typical ways with girls, and you just kept falling in and out of relationships. The usual.

He genuinely thought he was over you. Obviously, he liked all of your insta photos, seen your face on snapchat and face time weekly but damn. When you walked into the wedding reception with a violet number that hugged your curves in all the right ways, he had just fallen all over again. And it was evident to everyone around him but you, of course.

As soon as you had seen him you ran to him, despite wearing heels and engulfed him in a huge hug. He felt his stomach erupt with butterflies, like he was sixteen again. Above all he felt content. You too were overwhelmed not only because you were finally reunited, but because he had changed. In a good way. He looked fantastic in his black tux and finally he had gotten rid of that damn quiff.

“You clean up well Hemmings” You spoke smirking. And that he just brushed off, even though inside he was going insane. And it was evident when Calum teased him later with the same saying, mocking you of course all while his cheeks tinged a bright shade of red.

The wedding was great, you had a magnificent catch up, danced a little, talked to others you hadn’t seen in a while and got drunk off your asses.

Luke told you that you could stay at the hotel in his room when your parents had retired home so you could have more time together and certainly you took him up on that offer.

So at about three in the morning, both embarrassingly drunk, the pair of you stumbled up to Luke’s floor, your heels in hand with a few killer blisters on your feet. You were too drunk to care though, and stopped outside his room. That night you were definitely flirting, something came over you. Was it how good he looked in a tux? Was it his new hairstyle? Was it the other guests asking (jokingly) had Luke proposed to you yet? Knowing you were life long friends. You don’t know. All you do know was that night you were insanely horny and extremely attracted to Luke for the first time in your life. Maybe it was just lust, maybe it was something more, who knows.

“Did I tell you how good you looked tonight?” Luke smugly announced, smirking down at you whilst rapping his arms around your waist. “Yes, twelve times if I remember correctly” you giggled, rolling your eyes, wrapping your arms around his neck. He blushed nudging your nose with his and touching your foreheads together. It was then he glanced at your lips, then your eyes, then your lips again and before you knew it, you were both leaning in wanting more.

The next morning you woke up, and noticed quite a number of things.
1. A pounding headache.
2. You were not wearing any clothes.
3. Luke was lying next to you.
4. Luke was not wearing any clothes either.
And then you realised you did the unforgivable. You slept with your best friend. Memories began to flood your mind of the night before. It was actually you who insisted and not him.

“Shit Shit Shit Shit!!” You whisper yelled. How did you let this happen? How did you let your lust over take your morals? Is this really happening?

Then it occurred to you, you’re best friends, which means platonic, which means Luke also fucked up because he doesn’t have feelings for you. At least he shouldn’t anyway you thought.

By now Luke had awakened grinning at you. “Why the fuck are you smiling at me like that. This isn’t funny Luke. This should never have happened.” Ding ding ding here is number five on how to ruin a potential relationship.

Quickly his grin turned into a frown and he agreed with you that no one should ever find out about this, wanting to keep you happy. But he was breaking inside. He lied to you. He was never going to tell you his true feelings now. He had given himself to you in every single way and that still wasn’t enough. He made his feelings very obvious but you were blind to any attraction he had towards you.

Which takes us to now. Luke had invited you to L.A for a few weeks to have a taste of his new lifestyle. You’re now both twenty four. You just finished your degree and he just finished the bands fourth album. Life’s been treating him well whilst the complete opposite for you.

Academically you were doing well. On the contrary things at home weren’t good, your parents had divorced, which Luke was aware of and helped you through too. Your love life was collapsing. You had been with a guy for two years, but broke up a few months ago and had no romantic involvement with anyone since. But that’s just life isn’t it? Eventually things will pick up for you, hopefully.

You’ve kept in touch, and have seen each other on numerous occasions since the wedding, it has been four years for Gods sake.

The first few encounters were awkward, but eventually it blew over and no one ever found out, that Luke promised you.

Currently you are in a club, out with the boys to celebrate some L.A persons birthday who you don’t even know, but hey it’s a night out. You go home tomorrow and sadly you don’t exactly want to.

You see, this time with Luke things are different. You’ve started to see him in a different light. Not your lanky, dorky best friend but more of a crazy confident, handsome, kind guy. You’d be lying if you said you were not catching feelings this time round and as of now they were very over bearing. Maybe these feelings were there all along, you had just never realised.

He lost the lip ring, the band shirts he’d often wear to clubs and had a new hairstyle. However he also has a girlfriend now. And you are in fact very jealous

Until this point you thought you could keep your feelings to yourself since you arrived, however your mood when he was dancing with her was very off and Luke and the boys noticed. You thought you could contain yourself but you couldn’t. “I’m gonna go get some air.” You said to Ashton who gave you a sympathetic smile.

You had a few minutes to yourself out back before Luke had followed you out, restlessly trying to figure out what’s wrong.

“Cut the crap Y/N, you’ve been acting weird since you came here, and even weirder tonight. What’s up?” He asked rather aggressively which startled you a bit. Probably the alcohol you assumed.

“I- uh- I’m kind of just tired” you mumbled, eyes looking everywhere but at him but he wasn’t convinced.

“Tired!?” He chuckled, rather smugly and this you did not like, he was making you nervous. “You’ve fallen for me.” He blurted out, proudly.

“What!?” You yelled in disbelief how did he know?

“You think I don’t know Y/N? The way you look at me, it’s how I’ve been looking at you for years. You just never cared enough to notice.” He spat. “When we were kids, I always stuck with you, middle school, the exact same, even though you rejected me so many bloody times. I even stuck by you then.” He shook his head, almost as if he was realising something. “Then came high school and boy, freshman year I couldn’t have been happier, people thought we were a thing, I pied off so many girls in the hopes you may have noticed me but you didn’t. Hell, you didn’t even flinch when girls were sending me letters in my lockers, clearly shading you. Do you know how much that tortured me!? And then, then there was prom. Fuck Y/N, I offered to take you when I had a date myself. Who even does that? Oh, yeah, me because I used to think you were the best thing in the world.” He scoffed, shaking his head again.

All the while you were being hit with all of your past from someone else’s perspective and his actions were beginning to be understood from your point of view. You couldn’t help but cry. Warm tears hopelessly fell from your pleading eyes.

“And then, you completely shut me down. With your 'Platonic’ shit. Remember that night before I left for tour? And then just when I thought I was over you, the wedding happened and man did you really over do it then.”

“Luke that wasn’t just me” you pleaded holding back a sob. “You came onto me too.” You argued back.

“No Y/N don’t turn this around on me. Yeah I came onto you, and you to me, but then before we actually did it you practically begged me to because 'Luke please I need you’ even though I knew we were both drunk and even said to you we shouldn’t. But you still insisted and I went with it because I thought it was what you wanted. But of course it fucking wasn’t, because the next morning you nearly had a stroke when you seen me. And it was then I realised you used me to get yourself off. That is so twisted. You led me on, and don’t you dare deny it.” He was shouting at you whilst you were drowning in your own pool of tears, not just because you have clearly lost your best friend for good, but because you treated him so badly without even apologising.

“You had no consideration for my feelings. Not once after all these years. And now that I’ve finally moved on, got my shit together and at long last got over you, you finally opened your own eyes and you come running back to me?” You stood there, ashamed of yourself. What he was saying was true. How could you be so damn stupid. “I don’t love you anymore. Not in that way. Not in anyway.”

Regret. He gets it too. What could have been isn’t. “You gotta take it with a pinch of salt Y/N” and with that he went back inside, leaving you in floods of tears. This was all your doing, not his.

anonymous asked:

I don't mean to pressure you by any means but I was wondering why you haven't been putting out any more videos these days? Are you not making any more?

This will get pretty long but its something I’ve been wanting to talk about for quite a while, so sorry if this is something you guys are not interested in. 

The short and direct answer is, don’t worry about it! I’m still going to be making videos in the near future.

The long, extensive answer is this, though. If you guys have been following me for a few months, you guys know that I’ve been struggling with making content overall for quite a while now. Its made me depressed and frustrated even thinking about it. I consider myself a content creator, and when I cannot come up with a concept for a video that it worth making or showing publicly, I feel like a complete failure and end up unmotivated. This, however, is due to how I manage my Youtube channel and the type of content I’ve been putting out for a long time. It’s all been crackin’ silly jokes and improvising pretty much all of them. I know many of you guys like the videos like I HATE PULP and TOILET PAPER ANGER and the POKEMON CRIES videos, but honestly they require zero effort. Even so, after a while the jokes start to get pretty old, and I don’t want to force content down your throats over something that’s already run its course. These videos never really requires any effort on my side and the quality was mediocre at best.

There’s a lot I want to do, but I really enjoy doing things my current audience likes. However, I feel like its time for me to start doing things a little bit more for myself, while also retaining an audience and also growing it little by little.

I admit, I enjoy the attention and am slightly embarrassed to admit it. It’s not something I never really imagined myself saying publicly, but I feel it needs to be said for this post. I love the artwork you guys make for me, I love messages from you all, I love when you guys visit my streams, etc. However, for the past few months, I’ve become pretty irrelevant in the communities I used to be part of. Even in my own. It’s not really that big of a deal or a bad thing by any means, but since I’ve gotten a tiny taste of success, I kind of want to build up more upon it and do my very best to reach more people to make them laugh and have a better day because of stuff I make. This is the sole reason why I started making videos and audio in the first place. When my work can’t do that anymore, I feel useless. Therefore, I’ve been thinking long and hard on who I am and what I want to do with my work. I’ve been considering pure animation, sketches, vlogs, etc. There’s a lot I can do, but I think I’ve arrived at a conclusion that I’m not really willing to reveal just yet. Making stuff is more of a gamble, and when people like me worry a lot about these sorts of things, it can end up being pretty stressful. However, I feel like this entire “creator’s block” period and slight existential crisis was all critical to who I am and will be soon. 

I hope you guys understand where I’m coming from and why I haven’t been as active these past few days, and I really hope I haven’t betrayed your guys’ trust by not keeping up with more content… You guys are seriously one of the best things that have ever happened in my life, and I would feel really bad if I lost all of you some day. That’s why I’ll keep working hard on what I do and never give up on my hopes and dreams, living up to my own expectations and ambitions, with hopes that I reach your expectations as well! Again, sorry for the long post. I felt it was necessary for me to give some sort of explanation to my absence. Thank you so much for reading this, and if you have any more questions please don’t hesitate to ask away!! You guys are the best people in the planet, and I love hearing from you all. Keep being absolutely incredible.

So I reached 1k followers because apparently people can put up with me? I don’t even do much other than crying about my headcanons and sometimes making not-horrible fics, but the fact that I’ve met so many wonderful people through all that convinces me I’m not /completely/ wasting my time here. So to celebrate that there are 1k+ people who actually care about the shit I post and can tolerate rants and 4am text posts, I made a follow forever like I promised yay. All of you are hella and I almost love you as much as I love Remus Lupin. Almost.

(( hover over your names okay ))






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♥ i probably forgot people bc i’m trash ♥