why didn't you stop it

3

I haven’t forgotten for a moment. I still remember the day Cocytus fell. I will make them pay. I vow it.

[Slow, dramatic standoff music plays in background. Screen is dark. A white light flashes from the left side of the screen to the right with a sharp SHING sound, and the screen turns bright. Eyes open between thick black bars at the top and bottom of the screen, comic-like.]

Artist: “So…”

[Eyes narrow.]

Artist: “… we meet again.”

[Cut to back of Artist. Artist pans to the right as camera rotates to the left, revealing the rectangular silhouettes of the opponents. Music intensifies.]

Artist: “My nemeses.”

[Cut to Artist’s hand gripping hard on a pencil. Quickly cut to Artist’s mouth tightening in a grin. Voice low and strained.]

Artist: “Background and Perspective.”

[Dramatically zoom in on the two rectangles that turn into open PS documents filled with lines and blotches of colour.]

Why I Have To Meet Jack

You guys may well think I’m silly for writing this post, but I’m going to anyway. I have thoughts and I need to get them out. I’m a firm believer in writing down your emotions rather than bottling them up. 

Anyway. If you’re tired of my complaining about not meeting Jack, then I won’t blame you for scrolling away from this right away. Feel free, or you can carry on reading. But not only am I saying the obstacles that are in my way, I’m also writing exactly why meeting Jack matters so much to me. I’ve broken it down so hopefully it’s easier for you guys to read.

I know I’ve posted about this a billion times before, but I feel the need to do it again. I kind of stop thinking about it, and then something reminds me again. I see gifs from PAX, I read about people meeting him. I’m happy for everyone who does, but I’m reminded that it hasn’t happened to me and maybe never will. I feel selfish for thinking this, but I can’t help it.

Just wait, it will happen, I hear you say. But that’s easier said than done, for a number of reasons. If it was just as simple as being too young to go on my own or whatever, then yes, it would only be a matter of time. But it’s not.

First of all, I can’t afford to go to conventions (particularly so if they are in another country, and I’m yet to find one in the UK that Jack goes to). I currently don’t earn, and even when I do it won’t be much - musicians often don’t earn much at first, and I’m not making anything from YouTube “yet” (I hope I will but it may never take off for all I know. I can’t rely on it).

Then there’s my current mental state. Going to a convention would be difficult thanks to my wonderful social anxiety. Just the thought of the crowds, the people around me while travelling… And I imagine that travelling, and the convention itself, would take a lot of energy - possibly too much for my depression to handle. Maybe I could push through it to meet Jack, but I don’t know; would it be worth risking putting myself under too much pressure?

And that’s not all. Oh yes, there’s more. Getting to another country is difficult for me for another reason. I can’t do it by myself. Yes, I’m 21 years old and I don’t know how to go through an airport by myself. I feel stupid. Not just because I’ve never learnt how, but also I struggle with things like that. I always have. I’m particularly brilliant at getting lost. My anxiety loves it, not.

And there’s more. Since I’ve started watching Jack, I’ve been at university/college so I haven’t had the time to go away to conventions. Once I leave here in a couple of months time (*panics*), I will be focusing a lot on YouTube, and probably having to find a job (yawn). And until I find one and have money, I can’t go even if I have the time.

This may well sound like I’m making excuses, but honestly… I’m really not. I wouldn’t. This is something I need to do in my lifetime, it’s a dream of mine. Jack is my hero. I have no reason to make any excuses. These are all genuine barriers to one of my life goals. Obstacles that feel insurmountable. And it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart to think that I may never meet the person who began to turn my life around. It breaks my heart to think that I may never get to thank him in person for what he’s done. It breaks my heart to think that I may never be able to hug him. He feels like a long distance friend - or even family, if I can say that. Jack means the world to me. More than he’ll ever know - but if I meet him, I can get closer to expressing it than I can from here.

I have thoughts about what I would do if I did meet Jack. I already know that I will make a folder or something of stuff I’ve made for him (fanart, poems, etc) and I’ll give it to him. And, of course, I’ll give him the biggest hugs he’s ever had. I’ll do my best to let him know what he means to me. I’ll tell him about how he’s inspired me and that my YouTube channel is beginning to grow thanks to him giving me the courage to make more videos. I was anxious to go on camera, but he made me brave, and now I love it immensely and want to do it for as long as possible.

Jack is not just a YouTuber to me. He’s been a counsellor when I’ve needed advice and someone to care. Jack has been a friend when I’ve felt alone, believing in me even when I didn’t anymore. He’s been a beautiful green light in the pitch black void of depression and anxiety, the hope I needed when mine was all gone. 

He’s been like an annoying older brother who makes stupid jokes to make you laugh - which means even more to me as one of my older brothers, who made me laugh a lot, is no longer with us. He’s been someone to watch playing games now that I can’t watch my brother play them anymore.

He’s been a lullaby when I couldn’t sleep, cradling me with kindness and wrapping me up in smiles and laughter. He’s been a soothing voice amongst the painful noise of life. He’s held my hand when I’ve been hurting, wiping away the tears from my eyes. He’s started to heal the cracks in my heart and mind. When I was starting to lose sight of anything good in life, having less and less reasons to smile, he showed me that things weren’t so bad after all. He taught me to genuinely smile again.

And Jack is the reason why I found this wonderful community, and have made amazing friends who have made me feel cared about. You guys have made me feel less lonely despite the isolation of social anxiety and depression. Without Jack, I probably wouldn’t know any of you exist.

Jack is my hero.

I need to meet him some day.

I have to.

reasons why seungkwan is a sweetheart
  • even if he’s part of the maknae line, you can see how much 17 members rely on him, always checking his reactions, and expect him to lead everything (and are usually lost if he’s not there)
  • if no one is saying anything during an interview, even if he’s not the MC he either leads the members or starts talking even if it’s nonsense to save the situation
  • he always tries his best to give good advices, and more than anything: always encourage people a lot
  • he’s able to get along with everyone, even new staff really quickly
  • he likes to make a lot of jokes, but he’s always careful of people’s reaction: if it looks like he said/did something that would make other unconfortable or hurt them he apologizes right away and try to make them feel better by saying nice things about them or gives them a hug
  • he just gives tons of hug to people who are pouting even a bit, or just tons of hugs in general
  • he’s just extremely polite and respectful: like on One Fine Day, when they were given something to eat after picking bossam in Cheongsando, he was the first one to go to other workers to feed them
  • after Mingyu used one the bossam to stop a fire, he apologized right away with a 90° bow to workers who gave them bossam
  • he’s careful of everyone like he tries to make everyone shine, and he keeps telling fun stories about members who don’t talk much
  • he protects his members of any situation where they could be embarrassed: when people ask Jihoon’s height, when Jeonghan accidently spat on the floor (and he moved quickly to hide it with his foot), or when Hoshi was asked if he changed the choregraphy this week too but he didn’t so Seungkwan immediately explained how Hoshi had so much work that it was impossible for him to do so
  • he’s careful of other members likes and dislikes, like when a member suggested to cook curry in a cooking program, he immediately said « no we have a member who doesn’t like curry » before Woozi even said that he disliked it
  • he’s extremely observant and can tell when seungcheol is lying, when woozi is embarassed and acting like he’s not, or really pretty much anything about the members
  • he’s interrested in foreign members’ culture a lot, like  he kept saying to Minghao how he wanted to try chinese food, until Minghao had enough and took him and Jun  to a chinese restaurant
  • and he’s always talking in english, and even try to communicate with foreign fans by using it
  • he didn’t show much of his japanese yet, but it seems pretty good since he’s one the of member who says the longest sentences in japanese
  • he’s very affectionate with everyone really and even more to fans: he greets them with the biggest smile on his face, hands waving really high in the sky, and he  just looks so happy and excited
  • when he leaves he either greets the fans the same way, or looks really extremely sadden to leave
  • he always tries his hardest to communicate with fans, no matter if they are foreigners or not, he has no problem trying to use their language, and start asking them questions about where they are from even if the situation doesn’t really permit them to talk
  • so whenever he’s in a situation where he can’t really talk (like when he was doing Sukira for exemple) he writes on a notebook things he wants to ask to fans (« are you excited for the comeback? », or after asking to a foreigner where she’s from: « NY? » to make sure), saying thank you to fans « thank you for congratulating me for my graduation♡  », talking about his feelings « i’m going to sing later, i’m so nervous », « i missed you »
  • he’s also one of the member who communicate the most withs fans on SNS
  • because of Pledis’ rules he sometimes has to refuse things like taking pictures, or giving people his signature, and he was said to look extremely sorry and apparently kept apologizing everytime it happened
  • he always show the same respect to sunbae groups, no matter if they are a popular or an unpopular group, he’s admiring all of them and keeps talking about how much he liked one of their song or enjoyed things they did in the past, etc
  • he’s like some kind of Jeju ambassador: never letting anymore makes fun of it, even if playing along with other people’s jokes would make it easier for him to fit
  • he has his own insecurities like his weight or his dancing skills (he used to be considered one of the worst dancer) and how he’s the one being scold the most during recording usually, but he never blames anyone joking about his weight, or people scolding him during dance practice, or  during recording. He just keeps working hard to diet, and improve in any area he’s not confident in
  • he makes sure the members don’t loose confidence in themselves, like when seokmin had to show a special talent on a show but reactions weren’t so good, he took his hand even if he was really far away from him to show support
  • he showers members with praises about anything related to their insecurities: like randomly talking about how happy he is that seungcheol is the leader, how much he likes mingyu’s skin color, or how fun joshua is and actually not a boring person at all…
  • when Jeonghan joined the group and was awkward with everyone, Seungkwan was the first one who tried getting close to him, by doing a lot of silly jokes, and it was never said but it looks like it took some time for Minghao to become close to the members, and Seungkwan also seems like one of the first who started looking out for him
  • he loves babies and kids so much and if seungkwan is usually the most professional of the group in any given situation, kids are an exception for him: he just stops talking about what he was supposed to talk about and keeps playing with the kid and talk no-stop about how cute he/she is, or even almost forget about the « no photo of people without their consent » rule, because they are so cute to him
  • he knows every members’ birthday
  • seungkwan always thought during his predebut days that he would be the least popular, and his biggest fear has always been not getting any attention at all, not being noticed
  • he was said to be a soft-heart boy since predebut: he cried more than Chan when his father came, also cried the hardest when samuel’s mother read a letter written for seventeen’s members, was the only one who cried when he read his letter for his mother on parent’s day, cried when doing a video message to his mother on 17project and couldn’t stop crying after seeing her, cried at the boys wish concert, cried when seventeen won their first rookie award, and got extremely emotional on his last day at Sukira with Ryeowook and the rest of the S-line, and on the One Fine Day when the 3 leaders read their letters
  • he also cares a lot about member’s feelings, like he was afraid for seokmin’s feelings when no judge talked about his singing in 17project (while seungkwan was praised), or when vernon said he felt sorry to seventeen about SMTM, he said later in an interview « He was talking about how he was sorry. What’s there to be sorry about~ right? » ©
  • he loves his mom so much and keeps talking about her no matter what; he even almost gave up on being an idol because he didn’t want to leave his mom in jeju
  • he gets anxious really easily, and sometimes he’s tired but since he’s the moodmaker and has pride on this title, he doesn’t want to let other people seeing his tired-side and try to gives energy to people as much as he can no matter what
  • i have so many things to say but i’ll stop there, so just remember that seungkwan is a sweetheart and that he deserves all the love
6

Snape Appreciation Month Day 14: Favorite Relationship

Snape and McGonagall

I know I know, I’m now going backwards, but it occurred to me today that there’s nothing stopping me from making my own gifs so I thought I’d give it a try. Anyway, my favorite platonic (or not…) relationship is Snape and McGonagall’s friendship. I mean, look at these two. Best friends don’t judge each other, best friends judge other people together, amirite. 

  • Bobby *walks in kitchen*: Chanwoo, what are you doing?
  • Chanwoo: What does it look like I'm doing, Einstein?
  • Bobby: It looks like you're unloading dirty dishes from the dishwasher, Einstein.
  • Chanwoo: They're clean, Einstein.
  • Bobby: No, they're dirty. I just loaded them then went to the store to get detergent, EINSTEIN!
  • Chanwoo: WHY DIDN'T YOU LEAVE A NOTE THEN, EINSTEIN?
  • Bobby: Stop calling me Einstein!
  • Chanwoo: Stop calling ME Einstein!
  • Donghyuk *walks past the kitchen*: Neither of you should be calling the other Einstein.

[1]

I will have you know that, because we can only see their sleeves in that handholding panel, my immediate assumption was that it was Fai and Kurogane. 

AND I MEAN. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN IT WOULD BE SYAORAN AND SAKURA, BUT NOW YOU KNOW THE WAY MY BRAIN WORKS, SO   

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

JUST AN AVERAGE DAY FOR THE TSUBASA HOUSEHOLD. 

Development of Celeb Crushes
  • Me: Wow what a classically beautiful person.
  • Brain: Uh-oh...
  • Me: No it's fine, they're not my type. Ha. I can appreciate a beautiful person without having to watch their entire back catalogue of work y'know.
  • Brain: You don't have time for this!
  • Me: Relax, it's just one film.
  • Brain: It's one film now, but then there's the three hours of Google Image Searches afterwards!
  • Me: Nonsense! I just want to make sure I'm immune.
  • Brain: Oh boy...
  • Me: It's fine. I can look at them and feel nothing.
  • Brain: ???
  • Me: I feel nothing.
  • Brain: Why have you spent 45 minutes looking at their pictures?
  • Me: I feel nothing.
  • Brain: You're imagining lazy Sunday morning cuddles with you as the little spoon! This is it. You're gone.
  • Me: I feel nothing. Maybe I am incapable of love now.
  • Brain: *eyeroll* Batten down the hatches, lads, she's gonna go - in three... two... one...
  • Me: Shit!
  • Brain: Here we go!
  • Me: They really are beautiful! Like oh my god look at them it's like they were carved by angels!!! Oh no no no no no!!! Not this! This can't be happening! Oh no! I thought I was immune! Why you play me this way, Brain?! WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP ME BEFORE IT WAS TOO LATE?!?!?
  • Brain: *facepalm*
  • Bruce: I'm so sore; I don't think I slept two minutes last night.
  • Tony: [grins] Yeah, get it, boy.
  • Bruce: It's not what you think.
  • [Steve enters]
  • Steve: [to Tony] I feel like I pulled something. Why didn't you tell me to stop?
  • Tony: [to Bruce] Even more not what you think.
(54) Gladio’s pick up lines.

Gladio: Hey, Iggy. Do you know what’s better than sunflowers on a piano?
Ignis: …? What?
Gladio: Tulips on an organ.
Ignis: Hm…okay?
Gladio: …
Ignis: …
Gladio: :)
Ignis: …*gaSPS*
Ignis: GODDAMMIT GLADIO

  • Jason Todd: So, what did I do in front of the camera?
  • Dick Grayson: Well, when you spotted the videographer, you suddenly got very excited to film your next audition tape for "America's Next Top Model".
  • Jason Todd: Oh, my God.
  • Dick Grayson: Yeah.
  • Jason Todd: I thought that was a dream.
  • Tim Drake: It wasn't.
  • Jason Todd: The posing, the strutting, the inappropriate gyrating?
  • Tim Drake: All caught on video.
  • Jason Todd: Why didn't you stop me?
  • Dick Grayson: I tried. We all tried. But you were on a mission. You kept saying, "I'm not here to make friends, I want to win."
3

Yosano as Little Red Ridinghood

“Red Ridinghood went joyously home, and no one ever did anything to harm her again.”

Part of @forthesmols‘  Bungo Stray Fairy Tales