The Gatson song except with Varric
Gosh it disturbs me to see you Varric, looking so down in the dumps,
Every guy here’d love to be you Varric, even when taking your lumps.
There’s no man in town as admired as you, you’re everyone’s favorite guy.
Everyone’s awed and inspired by you, and it’s not very hard to see why….
*three girls fall at Varric’s feet*
No…one’s…slick as Varric,
No one’s quick as Varric,
No one neck’s as incredibly thick as Varric
No one in town’s half as manly,
Perfect a pure paragon.
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley,
And they’ll tell you who’s team they’d prefer to be on….
The Hanged Man Taverngoers:
Been like Varric,
A kingpin like Varric
No one’s got a swell cleft in his chin like Varric
As a specimen yes I’m intimidating
My what a guy what a guy that Varric.
Varric is the best and the rest is all drips
No… one… fights like Varric
Douses lights like Varric
In a wrestling match nobody shoots like Varric
For there’s no one as burly and brawny
As you see I have biceps to spare
Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny
And every last inch of me’s covered in hair!
Hits like Varric
Matches wits like Varric
In a witting match nobody wits like Varric
I’m especially good at clever banter
My what a guy that Varric
When I was a lad I struck four business deals, and two novel prizes I’d won
But now that I’ve grown I’ve struck ten dozen more and I’m practically a superstar
Snipes like Varric
Makes those beauts like Varric
Then goes stomping around wearing boots like Varric
I use Hawke in all of my crazy stories
My what a guy…