why did no one inform me earlier

anonymous asked:

thoughts on that fanservice bit in Dan's liveshow?

I have so many thoughts!

- It was fucking hilarious. 
- It was a laugh with you not laugh at you moment. 
- He was teasing us but there was no underlying anger or anxiety to it.  Dan was in a good mood.
- He volunteered so much information that he didn’t need to: what they did for lunch, who they went with, that he went to meet his mum, why he went to meet his mum. None of that information was pivotal to a You guys are gonna flip, I was cold earlier so Phil gave me his coat and I wore it joke/story. 
- It feels like another one of those moments of increased comfort, that he was even ok sharing that under the guise of a joke. I mean, the whole point of it was just them sharing clothes. It was a big deal because Dan knew his fans would flip out - and they did. And he told it anyway.
- The things he actually said could so easily have turned negative, but the tone wasn’t negative at all. He was dragging his fans the same way his fans drag him; with truthful digs but no malice. 

tl;dr - I liked it!

“I knew it!” [Part-3]|m

Genre: Drama, angst! af, a bit fluff, smut.

Pairing: idol!Jungkook x Reader (ft. BTS)

A/N: ~Appearances by other KPOP idols~

Warning: Swearing, this chapter is very angsty imo, smut smut smut, need I say more,

Plot: You are a member of your school’s student council and a major event pops up in the midst of your last year of high school. Managing studies, extra curriculum activities, social life and now this extravagant pain in the ass. There is no way this could get worse. Or is there?


     Part 1       Part 2


“Y/N, could you come by the staff quarters? Also, bring the practice schedules planned for this week.”

You recall your phone call with Ms. Cooper as she unknowingly cockblocked you.

Why am I getting cockblocked so often these days? and I don’t even have one. But boy, that was something. That boy is something. Okay what just happened? I just made out with Jeon Jungkook. I mean, I wasn’t planning to. It just happened.

You start debating yourself.

 I kinda understand what he said about me holding something back. But how did he get that out of me? How did I, for the first time, lose myself while dancing? It felt extraordinary. He is.. something.

HOLD THE FUCK UP.

You widen your eyes while walking to the staff quarters. The wind is blowing softly in the dark of the night and the weather is somewhat cold but pleasant. 

Ah no way. I don’t like him. I am not catching feelings for him. Or anyone. I cannot risk myself getting hurt again. I cannot allow my soul getting shattered again. My own father broke everything I had inside me, how am I supposed to trust anyone after that? How am I supposed to bounce back after they destroy everything? I am not scared of feelings. I am scared of people leaving after I let them in. Will I ever be the same again after that person walks away leaving behind a mess named myself? No. I promised myself. That isn’t acceptable. I ain’t here to get my soul plastered with scars all over it. Every time, it takes a part of me. Every time he raised his voice, I lost a small piece of me. Every time he hit my mom, I lost something forever. Every time he threatened to hit me, every time my mom stood up for me, I lost a bit faith. The moment we left him to start a new life without that useless, excuse for a human, and toxic parasite, I decided, I will never EVER give someone the power to break me again. It took me years of self loathing, therapy, nights filled with panic attacks, and everlasting anxiety to understand the fact that I am the only constant I’ve ever had, and the only constant that is guaranteed to stay with me all through this life. No one has the right to destroy that constant. Nor am I giving that right to anyone. 

Your phone buzzed in your pocket.

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Wear Something Tight Pt. 1 Roman x Reader

Words: 1,410

Author’s Note: Hey all! This is my first published fic! I’m pretty excited about it and I’m planning on writing more parts! I also have a TON of ideas for Roman fics. If you like it, hate it, or just have some criticism, I would really appreciate if you let me know! I hope you enjoy it :)

(Y/N) was sleeping comfortably in the bed she shared with Roman when she was awaken by her cell phone ringing.

“Hello?” she said.

“Hello, darling,” Roman said over the speaker. “I need you to come to the White Tower to help me today, I gave my assistant the rest of the day off.”

“Okay. Why did you send him home?”

“Just come,” Roman said, “and wear something tight.”

“Alright-” (Y/N) replied, but before she could finish her sentence Roman had hung up. She rolled her eyes, Roman could be so dramatic. However, she couldn’t deny that he sounded a tad on edge.

(Y/N) got out of bed and stepped into the shower. The multiple shower heads and warm water helping to invigorate her. She was curious to why Roman would call her to help him without explaining why. (Y/N) was used to going to the White Tower to meet prospective investors or help Roman make business decisions. Roman valued her opinion and instinct as she had a good head on her shoulders. Even though her name wasn’t on the building, she was as much a part of the company as Roman. She didn’t mind going to assist Roman, but she was curious as to why Roman couldn’t just ask someone else to be his assistant. Regardless, (Y/N) was excited to visit Roman at work.

As she stepped out of the shower, she used a fluffy white towel to dry off and then wrapped her black, silk robe around her. She continued to get ready by blow-drying her hair and applying her makeup at the vanity that Roman had installed when she moved in. She decided to go with simple cat eye and a red lip letting her natural beauty do most of the work.

Done with her hair and makeup she went into their closet. Roman’s side of the closet was filled with suits, sweaters, coats, slacks, and dress shoes all fitting under the shade of black, white or grey. (Y/N)’s side was stuffed with dresses, jeans, tops, and jackets also under the shade of black, white or grey. They had similar style–expensive. Roman enjoyed taking her shopping and watch her try on outfits. He would sit outside the dressing room sipping complimentary champagne while she would model for him. Most times, it would end up with a quicky in the dressing room.

(Y/N) picked a classic look to match her makeup- a white dress shirt tucked into a tight black pencil skirt that hit the knee. She put on black, pointed stilettos with a red bottom–a gift from Roman. As it was a little chilly that day, she wrapped a tan trench coat around her and grabbed her most professional looking black purse. She checked herself out in the mirror and sprayed her favorite perfume.

Roman took his new car to work today so all that was left was his father’s Jaguar and the G-Wagon. It looked like it might rain today, so (Y/N) decided to take the G-Wagon. She liked how safe and powerful it made her feel.

When she arrived, the valet recognized the car and came running over to assist (Y/N) out of the vehicle.

“Good morning, Ms. (Y/L/N),” the valet-boy said as he took her hand to help her out off the tall car.

(Y/N) smiled at the valet boy and walked into the front doors of the White Tower. They didn’t call it the White Tower for nothing–the grand lobby was all white. White walls, shiny white floors, and a glass elevator that as it climbed looked over Hemlock Grove. (Y/N) stepped into the elevator and pressed the button corresponding to Roman’s floor. During the elevator ride, (Y/N) took in the scenery. She never got tired of all the different trees which were currently a mix of light and deep green from spring’s revival. The sky was a deep foreboding grey which made the colors of the trees stand out even more.

When she stepped onto Roman’s floor, she did indeed see that Roman’s assistant was not at his desk. She walked up to the glass doors and pushed her way into Roman’s large office which was also all white. Roman had his headphones on and the music was so loud that (Y/N) could recognize the song.

His head was down while he was working on his computer so he didn’t notice her until she was feet from his desk. Roman looked up and his eyes went directly to (Y/N)’s red lips. A close-lipped smile grew over his face. He took of his headphones and closed his computer.

“Well, hello, my love. You look beautiful today,” Roman said as he stood up and walked around the desk to assist (Y/N) in taking off her jacket. Her jacket slipped from her shoulders revealing her curves under the black skirt, Roman was very pleased.

“I see you listened to what I said. Good girl,” Roman said with a light pat on (Y/N)’s rear.

“Well, I figured I should play the part,” (Y/N) flirted.

Roman smiled, loving how he brought out the flirtatious part of (Y/N)’s personality. He grabbed her chin with one hand and tilted her head up to give her a light kiss on the lips. Careful to not mess up her lipstick so early in the day.

“So, what do you need me to do for your Mr. Godfrey,” (Y/N) said knowing that Roman loved it when she called him Mr. Godfrey.

“Well,” Roman said while snaking his arms around her, resting his hands on the small of her back, “I could’ve called someone else to help out when I sent my assistant home, but I need someone with discretion. Someone I can trust not to say anything I don’t want to use my weird mind shit on anyone else in this building.” Roman said as he looked down at her, directly into her eyes.

She knew by the look on his face that this was serious and Roman wouldn’t have called her unless he needed her today.

“Roman, what’s going on?” she asked.

“I have a visitor coming in today and I need you to welcome them and act as my assistant. It’s for a very important, secret deal. I don’t need anyone here to know what it’s for. Especially Pryce, he has eyes and ears everywhere here,” Roman said.

“Roman…what are you getting into,” (Y/N) asked skeptically.

“You know Ms. Chernobyl?”

“Yes.”

“Well a Russian government agent is visiting me for information on her whereabouts in exchange for a little cash.”

“How much is a little?”

“A million.”

She drew away from Roman in shock and his hands fell to his side. “Shiiiiiit,” she said.

“Shiiiiiit, is right,” Roman replied. “This can’t get out and needs to stay between you and I.”

“Roman, I don’t think you should be getting involved in this. What about all the drama between Russia and the U.S. lately? This could make us look really bad if it gets out.”

“It’s too late, I already agreed and can’t go back now. Plus, this is going to be a very private exchange of information. Nobody will know and I already did my freaky mind shit to the security guard so any surveillance video of the agent will be deleted.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about this earlier?” (Y/N) was upset that Roman didn’t tell her this, normally they share everything.

“Because you would’ve told me not to do it and I would’ve listened,” Roman said earnestly, “don’t worry, it will be quick and perfectly legal.”

“Are you sure it’s legal?” (Y/N) asked raising one eyebrow.

“Mostly sure,” Roman said with a slick smile.

“Fine,” she said unamused resting her hand on her hip, “what time are they getting here?”

Roman quickly reached his hands up to grab her face and giver her a passionate smooch, happy that she agreed. “Thank you,” Roman said while resting his forehead on her’s.

Roman smiled, happy she agreed even though she didn’t have much choice. They’ve always been partners in crime and this was no different. Plus, if things went south they could afford the best lawyers.

“You owe me, Roman,” (Y/N) said making eye contact with him.

“I know, I’ll buy you anything you want,” he said with a smile.

Runaways

Caleb Prior

Secret, shock, angst, mild argument, fluff

Fandom: Divergent

Request: “could you write a divergent one where you are an erudite transfer like caleb and you are dating and then you tell him you are divergent and need to escape erudite and go to amity where you will be safer and you both argue because you didn’t tell him earlier/he doesn’t want you to run away/you don’t want him to be in danger too but he wants to come? thank you if you do ♥ x”

Word count: 677

gif is not mine.

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Jackson

Originally posted by memeslutbutt

~4&11 Jackson of GOT7 please 😊

4: “Children can’t be that hard”

11: “I’m not changing his/her diaper”


“Daddy Ning went poopy” Jackson heard as he turned to his 3 year old daughter Yawen spoke to him as she pulled on his pant leg. “I changed him an hour ago” he says “he pooped an hour ago” he continued as he handed his daughter a plate with the sandwich on it “daddy” she whined “what?” he asked. “Froggie” she says as he sighs going into the cabinet and grabbed a sandwich cutter taking the plate back and pressing the shape out and handing it back making her smile. He patted his daughter’s head as he headed out to see you sitting on the couch reading. “Did he poop?” he asked.

“He was grunting earlier” you inform “why didn’t you change him?” he asked “well, you wanted to prove to me that you can watch them without any help” you shoot at him. Jackson picked up the one year old and brought his rear up to his face and whiffed. You looked as he instantly gagged “that doesn’t even smell solid” he groaned “fine I’m not changing this” he says putting his son down. “Admitting defeat?” you asked “until he is potty trained at least” he told you as you got up sighing. “Ningy let’s get changed” you say picking your son back up. 

Let the Summer Games Begin

Originally posted by taeyong-ie

A/n: Y’all probably didn’t know, but I am a huge Overwatch fan. I play the games, read lore, fanfiction. It has ruined my life, but this in honor of the Summer Games and the Overwatch World Cup. Good luck to all players out there ;)

Warnings: Foul language, Extremely sarcastic language, and just regular things most people who play Overwatch says

“Yes! My boy is back in the games again!” You yelled off the top of your lungs as you threw one fist in the air and the other held your phone.

“(y/n) it is way too god damn early in the morning for me to talk to you.” Jungkook grumbled, walking out of his room all wrapped up in his blanket. He was just a walking blanket burrito that was shuffling around your shared house. It wasn’t even that early in the morning, but Jungkook stayed up till four in the morning playing.

“Yeah yeah fuck you too.” You mumbled as you jumped off the couch to walk over to your laptop. “In case you wanted to know this year’s team for Korea has just released their members’ names.” You informed. “Hurry up and get on so we can group up. At least I’ll have one DPS to depend then some dumb kid on reaper doing nothing.”

“Wait the members for the Korean team were released?!” Jungkook, seemed to have finally woken up.

“Bitch did I stutter?”

“(y/n), you’re a horrible best friend why didn’t you tell me?!” Jungkook threw off his blanket and made the dash for his computer.

“That’s what I screaming about earlier. Damn you’re dumb and deaf now.” You rolled your eyes as you watched the blue light from Jungkook’s screen reflect over his face.

“What?! Miro is not on the team this time? But he was mvp last year, and he so killed it.” Jungkook whined. “Who the fuck is Mano? I’ve never heard of him.”

“Yah, Mano was a good pick over Miro.” You defended.

“And why is that?”

“Because Miro is shit on Reinhardt, Mano is way better. Mano is more efficient and can execute better hammer downs than Miro. Give the dude a chance you’ve never seen him play.”

“And you have?”

“Obviously more than you to know about this tanker than you.” You stuck your tongue out at Jungkook.

“But isn’t Saebyeolbe so attractive? I’ve never met such an attractive player, he’s beautiful inside and out.” You swooned over the most attractive player from LW Blue.

“Yah, what about me? Or Yoongi or Hongbin?” Jungkook shot back.

“Tsk, no way I would date one of you guys. You are all ugly, especially you Jungkook. You’re like some weird muscular bunny, and I would have never thought that ‘muscular’ and ‘bunny’ would ever come together.” You teased.

“Yah you punk! I swear I will leave you to die on the battlefield.” Jungkook threatened.

“Too bad he has a girlfriend~” You sighed, ignoring Jungkook’s threat. “Also the god is on the team again. Ryujehong is back! For sure we are going to win.” You smirked and tucked your chin in between your thumb and index finger.

“You need to calm down (y/n), I’ve never seen anyone go insane over Ryujehong before.” Jungkook scoffed.

“Take that rude comment back. Ryujehong is the best Ana in the world, he is god. You’re just jealous because you can’t aim like him and he’s a better support than you.” You gasped loudly.

“Yes, I would love to have his aim. And of course he’s a better support than me, I don’t play as a support.”

You smirked, “that’s how I know you are shit at support.”

“Aish shut your mouth.” Jungkook groaned as he threw a small tsum tsum plush, that was by his laptop, at you.

“Hurry and accept my invite.” You said, changing the subject. Jungkook rolled his eyes and accepted your request to play. Once you were set up in the game and you had to choose your hero. You immediately picked Mercy, your main hero. On the other hand, Jungkook picked McCree.

“Aren’t you excited for the summer games event? That Mercy skin is so mine.” You said.

“Same here, but I want that McCree skin.” Jungkook agreed. The game loaded and you were dropped onto a map. You and Jungkook were on defense, on assault map. So in order to win the opposing team couldn’t take the two capture points on the map. You had fifty seconds to set up your defense around the first capture point with the rest of your team. Countdown for the match to begin ticked down to zero, and the opposing team came rushing out of their spawn. You powered Jungkook up with a blue damage boost ray that came out of your staff. You could hear that hit meter tick as Jungkook fired off bullets, and soon a red skull flashed in the middle of your screen informing you that Jungkook killed the other McCree.

You could hear the heavy foot steps of a Reaper hoping to get an easy pick off of you. “Jungkook there is a Reaper behind me, get him!” You screamed as you backed away, pulling out your pistol to hopefully land some damage. To avail you ended up getting blasted in the face with shotgun rounds, killing you.

“Jungkook, you thot! You were supposed to kill him. Protect your healer or something.” You scolded as you were rushing to get back to your from spawn.

“What, what do you want me to do?!” A second after he said his sentence, you saw that he got eliminated by the same Reaper in the kill feed.

“God damn it, you’re a shitty healer (y/n).” Jungkook cursed.

“What do you want me to do? I was coming back from spawn, after you betrayed me.” You flew to your other teammates who needed healing, as you began to build up to your ultimate ability.  

“What are you doing rez me!” Jungkook said, you gave him an ‘are you shitting me?’ face, and pressed the button that displayed the status of your ultimate.

“My ultimate is charging.” Jungkook heard the light German accent feminine voice through his headphones.

“And no way am I going to solo rez you. The least I will do it two because it is actually worth it. It is so dumb to solo ult as Mercy.” You rolled your eyes as you kept pocketing a D.va. Jungkook was then back in the fight, trying to ward off many enemies, by eliminating them.

“(y/n) I need healing…” He said, but you didn’t start to heal him, by then he started to spam the ‘I need healing’ button.

“Hold on I am pocketing this D.va give me a second.” Before you could use your guardian angel ability Jungkook was trying to run away, but he already died.

“Oh my god (y/n) you’re so fucking awful you could have helped me.” Jungkook whined.

“Hush you weird ass bunny, I am not going to fly to you in a feeble attempt to heal, but fail because it was inevitable that you were going to die, and then I will be left going against three people and ultimately getting gang banged. I am the only support on this team, because you bone heads decided to run a single support meta.” You explained. By the time you were done talking you had your ult, and so you just needed to keep pocketing as a distraction so your team could re-group. You flew to a Hanzo to heal him, but he got shot in the head, quickly ending his life. You were surrounded by a Pharah and a Genji.

“Holy shit Jungkook, I’ve got a Genji and a Pharah up my ass help!” You screeched as you started to run backwards pulling out your pistol. You started to aim and fire as the Genji was the first to attack, you started to fire while pushing your jump button, you final killed him. You kept going backward until you found the health pack.

“Jungkook where are you?” You asked, as the Pharah kept advancing. You pulled the same strategy as you did with the Genji, and you ended up eliminating the Pharah with a head shot.

“Holy mama Jin tiddies, I did it! Haha, I killed her Jungkook. That was sexy as hell.” You smirked as you switched back to your healing staff to rejoin your group.

“My ultimate is ready (y/n) come and boost me.” You followed Jungkook as you and him were going to find the high ground to pick off some enemies on the point. One by one you’re teammates were dying on the point. You heard McCree’s iconic line he says when the “Q’ button is pushed.

“It’s high noon.” Jungkook was trying to zone some head shots, but got sniped be a Widowmaker.

“What the shit, my tit is fucking pineapple.” Jungkook yelled in frustration. Right at this moment it was now or never for your ultimate, you were the only one left and you were in range, of resurrecting all five of your dead teammates.

“HEROS NEVER DIE.” WIth a brilliant yellow flash you’re whole team was alive again, and ready to contest. With a few ultimates that were popped you were able to get all of your opponents off the capture point and win.

“YES (Y/N) YOU ARE THIS MATCH’S SAVIOR I LOVE YOU.” Jungkook yelled, jumping up from his chair and started to bunny hop around your house. You blushed at Jungkook’s comment about him loving you, but the heat that painted your cheeks quickly dissipated. You sadly knew he never meant those three words in the light you hoped he said them in.  

“Are you two holding your nerd fest again?” An older male yawned as he walked past you and Jungkook into the kitchen.

“Oh Jin hyung, good morning.” Jungkook chirped to look up to tired male.

“What do you two want for breakfast?” Jin asked.

“Crepes?” You suggested.

“Fuck yeah, crepes.” Jungkook enthusiastically agreed.

“Okay, coming right up. (y/n) can you come and help me?” Jin said, as he started to take out ingredients for the batter. You hopped to your feet, to join Jin the kitchen. Jungkook involuntarily pouted as his favorite support player left him to play on his own.

“Jungkook what do you want in your crepe?” You asked, pulling out the fruits you wanted.

“Can you make me that protein crepe you always make me? Also can I have a chocolate and strawberry crepe?” Jungkook requested. Already at his age Jungkook was tall and pretty muscular, he also had a fast metabolism that left him always hungry. Sometimes you found yourself running from your house to the gym to drop off snacks for Jungkook while he was at practice. It was a bit of a pain in the butt, but you didn’t mind because it helped you get some exercise in. You washed strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries; while Jin was cooking the delicate crepes. You pulled one golden sheet and loaded it up with egg whites that were already cooked, ham, and a sliced avocado. You folded up the crepe, and moved onto the second crepe. You slathered the second crepe with a chocolate spread, and sliced strawberries; also folding up that crepe.

“Here you go muscle pig.” You said as you placed Jungkook’s plate down on the table.

“Thank you mom, thank you dad.” Jungkook said, as he sat down to eat. Both you and Jin looked at him.

“Wait, who’s ‘mom’ and who’s ‘dad’?” You asked curiously.

“Well isn’t obvious?” Jungkook took a bite out of the savory crepe first. “Jin is ‘mom’ and you are ‘dad’.”

“How so?” Jin wondered.

“Jin is the one who takes care of me the most, he always watches over me, cooks me food. And (y/n) you’re the one who can not be trusted with me, because you will probably lead me off a cliff. Also you do the least amount of work when taking care of me, and I will always ask where Jin is because I don’t want to die while I am with you.” You felt your eyebrow twitch with anger as you processed everything Jungkook said. You were about to say something, but Jin’s windshield wiper laugh cut you off.

“Haha that is one of the most accurate things I have ever heard.” He said in between giggles.

“That is so not true I am perfectly capable of taking care of Jungkook, I do not endanger him all the time.” You argued.

“That is so not true (y/n) that is a load of bull.” Jungkook said,

“He’s not wrong.” Jin agreed.

“Don’t expose me!” You screamed, “You two are so rude.” You said, taking your place at the dining table to eat with your plate.

“I will kill you both as you sleep.” You threatened, followed by you shoving a mouthful of crepe into your mouth. You sulked as you ate your crepe as Jungkook watched you with his wide bunny eyes and his two front teeth resting on his pink lips. Jin observed the younger creepily staring at his crush and chuckled to himself silently.

‘You two are the stupidest kids in love.’ He thought as he started to eat his own breakfast.

“(y/n) remember you have to play Overwatch with me after practice today. I want to win in Lucio ball so I could get summer loot boxes.” Jungkook said, pointing his fork at you. You rolled your eyes at Jungkook’s request.

“Yeah, I’ll try to play. Depends on how much homework I finish before practice today.”

“No exceptions…except for homework.”

“Yeah yeah I’ll be there.” You said, as you took your plate to the sink. “Also I don’t have any extra snacks in my bag, so I can’t run to the badminton gym to refuel your dumb ass. I have enough for only me.” You added.

“Fine I’ll bring my own food.” Jungkook grunted. Jungkook followed your lead and placed his own dirty dish in the sink.

There was knock on your door and your ears perked as you heard the sound of knuckles against the wood. Your head peeked out of your room, and you ran to the door with your bag and books in hand.

“That’s Jimin. We’re going to study at the library together. See ya Kook, see ya Jin.” You said as you dashed out the door. Jungkook could hear your voice from behind the closed door as you greeted Jimin happily. Jungkook wrinkled his nose in envy as you walked away with the handsome physical therapist major.

“You’re jealous again.” Jin said, not even making eye contact with Jungkook.

“Am not.” Jungkook defended.

“Unlike you muscle pig, I use my eyes to see. I know wrinkle your nose as if you smelled rotten eggs stuffed in a old sock, when you are jealous.”

“But why does (y/n) spend all of her time with Jimin.” Jungkook whined. “It is so unfair hyung.” Jungkook motioned to the door, from which you left.

“Ah poor muscle pig…” Jin ‘tsked’, chaking his head. “You train all of your bodily muscles, but never train your brain to become stronger. You do remember (y/n) and Jimin have the same major right? It does make sense that they would study together.” Jin explained.

“I don’t care about that. Jimin still gets her attention.” The poor bunny boy was still pouting.

“Uh who’s the one who makes (y/n) run from our house to the gym to deliver carrots and apples to them? Or plays Overwatch with them until four in the morning? (y/n) practically hovers around you whenever she has free time.” Jin pointed out.

“You’re right…” Jungkook sighed dejectedly. “ I do make her do a lot of things with me.”

“Yeah, remember in high school you would close your locker around the same time (y/n) would just so the two of you could walk home together?” Jin teased.

“Yah, don’t remind me about my unfertilized cell days.” Jungkook screamed at the older.

                                                         ~

Jungkook was doing squats with weights for his practice as he still thought about you and Jimin. The both of you would be like a power couple on campus. The best freestyle swimmer and butterfly swimmer together? That is a match made in heaven. You and Jimin were probably easily the most charming people in your university; you both had many diverse talents; rarely lost your tempers; would be kind to anyone, even though you could secretly hate them, but never admit that out loud.

“Jungkook? Jungkook!!” A female voice interrupted him from his squats. Jungkook looked up to see a female teammate waiting for the weight bar.

“The last circuit is up, you’re supposed to be at the medicine balls now.” She said.

Jungkook licked his chapped lips out of bad habit, for when he was embarrassed because he did something wrong he would lick his lips. “R-right. I’ll get to it, sorry.” He apologized and walked over to the weighted balls. Usually around this time you would have stopped studying to deliver some sort of snack to him on your way to swim practice. He chuckled to himself as he remembered that sometimes you would run as fast as you could because you lost track of time and you were running late for practice. However, you still found time to drop off a tangerine or a bag full of nuts.

                                                          ~

“Hey nice run today (y/n), I can’t believe we pr’d.” Sungkyung said, slapping your back. Sungkyung was part of your relay team, and she swam the back stroke portion.

“I mean I can’t be the only who can makes it possible, all of you guy help me.” You said, rubbing your wet hair, that was a few shades lighter than your actual (h/c) shade, with a (f/c) towel.

“(y/n) are you going to join the co’ed relay team? You are the fastest free style swimmer.” Hyeja asked. You wrinkled your face as you thought about the possibility.

“I’m no too sure…” You trailed, “I mean there’s probably someone who wants to swim in the race.”

“But Park Jimin is going to swim in the butterfly leg, it’ll be the perfect team. Guaranteed to bring home the gold.” Jayeon fantasized.

“Talk about Park Jimin…” Hyeja, smiled and elbowed you in the arm.

“He’s coming~” Jayeon squealed, as the broad shoulder swimmer came walking towards your group.

“We’ll see you later (y/n), good practice!” Syungkyung said, a little too loudly obvious, as she herded Jayeon and Hyeja away from you.  You waved them off, and turned to talk to Jimin.

“Hey (y/n)…” Jimin said, as you stopped right in front of you. His short pink hair was already dry, and looked fluffy to the touch. The both you were wearing the same swim team jackets of black and baby blue, with your university name printed on it. You both also had swim bags slung across your bodies of the same black and blue, stuffed with wet swim suits, goggles, caps, and towels. You could smell the permanent faint scent of chlorine that clung to Jimin’s tan skin, from all of the countless practices Jimin attended. The chlorine was also mixed with Jimin’s natural scent, it reminded you of clean sheets and detergent.

“What’s up Jimin.” You said, greeting him.

“So are you going to join the coed relay team for the freestyle leg?” He asked.

“Most likely I’m not going to join. I think there are other girls who would want to swim that leg. I’ll see, if there isn’t anyone who doesn’t want to swim the freestyle, I’ll do it.” You answered. Jimin stared at you with complete adoration, he thought your consideration was admirable.

Jungkook was biking towards the swim center. He was done with his night classes so he thought maybe you would want a ride back to the house. He clutched the brakes of his bike as he saw you and Jimin standing together.

“So did you want to go and get dinner with me? My treat, we can go wherever you want.” Jimin offered, with a shy smile. Jungkook looked at you Jimin sadly, he thought you were going to say ‘yes’ so there was point in him being there. So turned in the direction of the house, and sped off. His anger and sadness, pumping the pedals of his bike.

You remembered what you promised Jungkook earlier today, and shook your head. “I’m sorry Jimin, but I’m going to have to decline.’

“Oh….” Jimin said sadly, and looked at the ground.

“I’m sorry… I just promised my roommate something, and I have to hold that to him.” You admitted, smiling as you thought about the bunny like boy.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll just catch you at another time, okay?” You could see the melancholy behind Jimin’s kind smile.

“Okay..” You said quietly.

“I’ll see you then (y/n).” Jimin said, as he walked away, waving to you. You waved back and watched his figure walk away. When Jimin was gone, you turned to walk home. On your way home you stopped in a restaurant to order some lamb skewers for your two little, not so little, kids.

“I’m home.” You announced, slipping your shoes off. The plastic bag that held the skewers of meat rustled with every step you took.

“Where’s Kook?” You asked, expecting him to be on his laptop already playing.

“The bunny edge lord is sulking in his room.” Jin said, not even looking up from his rose gold iphone. You placed the plastic bag on the table, and Jin looked up from his screen.

“Don’t eat them all, the bunny still needs to eat. You might lose your fingers if you eat them all.” You said without missing a beat.

“Bunny Kook you in there?” You knocked on the bedroom door. You heard the rustling of sheets, but no pads of feet walking across the floor. You knew Jungkook never locked his door, so you pushed the door open. Jungkook was curled up on his bed cradling the medium sized Iron Man tsum tsum you gave him.

“Wow who stole your carrots?” You joked, hoping maybe you could bring Jungkook out of whatever funk he was in, if you approached comically. Jungkook sat up to look at you, still holding the soft toy.

“Park Jimin.” He grumbled.

You couldn’t help but laugh. “Park Jimin? When did he bite you in the butt?” You said.

“Today, like an hour ago when he asked you out to dinner.” Jungkook screamed. You were a bit taken back from Jungkook’s confession.

“Wait, what do you mean by that Jungkook?” Your face straightened with seriousness.

“I-I….uh….” Jungkook shrank back a little, squeezing the Iron Man tightly. “Aish, I’m such dumb muscle pig…but I really like you (y/n). Maybe I don’t actually like you, I’m in love with you. You just compliment me so well, you help me where I am weak, and I always find joy in helping you in where you need it. You are super considerate towards me, you probably take care of me better than I can care for myself. You work hard, but you play hard, always making it fun to play with you. Only you play Overwatch with me every time I ask, you bring me snacks when I ask, and you make me whatever I ask for. It’s a bit selfish that I take advantage of your kindness, from time to time, but I fell in love with you. You are the perfect level of weirdness, kindness, and beauty. Only someone who does not have their five senses is the only one who can’t fall in love with you.” Jungkook hung his head lowly, after he confessed.

“I agree with you.” You said warmly.

“What?” Jungkook looked up to meet your warming smile, that made his heart flutter.

“I think the only person who can’t fall hopelessly in love with a weird mutated bunny like you, is someone without their five senses.” You confessed.

“Wait you really mean it?” Jungkook asked, round eyes filled with hope. You walked Jungkook and squeezed his large frame with your arms.

“Of course I mean it.” You said. Jungkook pulled you away from him, but captured you again with his lips.

“It’s about time that my two dumb roommates have found out that maybe you two have mutual feelings.” Jin screamed. Jungkook held you in his arms as the two of you giggled at your older roommate.

“Shall we go? There is lamb skewers and Overwatch waiting for you.” You said, earning a smile from Jungkook.

“Of course, I get to have my three favorite things in the world.”

“Okay, I know you like Overwatch and lamb skewers. What is the third thing?” You asked.

“You~” Jungkook answered cheesily as he nuzzled his bunny nose against you cheek. “Ew, you smell chlorine.” Junkook pulled away and crinkled his nose.

“What did you expect from me you dumb muscle pig?” You chuckled.

“But I am your dumb muscle pig~”

~Extra~

“Are you ready for this (y/n)?” Jungkook asked curiously.

“Yes, I am ready.”

“Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?”

“Yes Jungkook my body is so ready.” You answered,

“Are you absolutely sure?”

“Just hurry up and do it Jeon!!” You screamed, begging.

“Okay…three…two…one!” Both you and Jungkook opened your summer loot box. You saw a flash of yellow flipped on your screen. Your excitement was building up. But when all of your prizes settled you saw McCree dressed as a life guard. You stared at your screen with shock. 

“I got the McCree skin what?!” You screamed. Jungkook then opened his mouth. 

“The fuck I got the Mercy skin!” 

Lingo: (in order of appearance) 

DPS: Damage per second. A DPS hero is the hero that does the most damage in the game in terms that they usually get the most elminations in a game

Hammer downs: Reinhardt’s ultimate ability.

Tanker: Term used for someone who mainly plays a tank hero.

LW Blue: A competitive gaming team from South Korea. 

Spawn: The area where one team begins or re-spawns when killed.

Rez: Short for resurrect. Mercy’s ultimate in the game allows her to bring dead teammates back to life.  

Solo Rez: To use resurrect for one person. 

Solo ult: To use a hero’s ultimate for one person.

Pocketing: When healer uses all of their abilities for one person, and ignore the other team. Healers usually pocket tanks.

Meta: Any strategy, action or method used in a game which transcends a prescribed ruleset, uses external factors to affect the game. In this situation I am referring the team composition as the method of strategy used.

Pr’d: To beat a personal record. PR means personal record. 

Beach

#mmrarepairweek is a Thing soo i’ve decided to get back into writing! this is my first fic ever for mystic messenger, and it’s for @mmrarepairweek, day 1. i chose to write for the vacation prompt :’) 

there’s no real plot to this one, it’s more just taking you for a ride in a snippet of their day, written from saeran’s point of view.

pairing: saeran and zen

words: 2131

rating: T for mild swearing; mentions and descriptions of anxiety

warnings: none

enjoy!!

—————————————————————————————

Text–

         To: Saeran

         From: Zen

grab a towel and some spf 50 i’m bringing you to the beach!!!

Keep reading

Stolen Innocence *Part 12* (Final)

Jace Wayland X Reader

Word Count: 2586

Requested: @queen-twerks-a-lot @mistakes-101

Request: Please! Please! Please! Pretty please! Update Stolen Innocence! It’s amazing, Part 12!!!

A/N I’m so happy that you all enjoyed it, I’m so thankful for your support, I’m hoping to start this up again when Shadowhunters starts again which is why this seems unfinished. Again thank you for the support and I really hope that you’ve enjoyed it.

<< Part 11

Originally posted by mikaelsonenthusiast


Alec rushed in seeing both You and Lydia on the floor both Magnus and Alec noticed you were bleeding “Where is she bleeding from?” Alec asked looking over you.
“The collar had been moved, she bleeding from where wires enter the skin,” Magnus answered. You took a sharp breath in and pushed yourself up onto all four ignoring the protest of Magnus and Alec.
“I will heal help Lydia” You managed to say as you swung round to sit leaning on the desk.
“You’ve both been like this for a while and you haven’t healed, I’m not sure that your body can,” Magnus said and you rolled your shoulders.
“Yeah well then we’re just going to have to bandage it up aren’t we.” You mumbled.
“Magnus go get help,” Alec ordered.
“God this is what you get for helping people.” You continued to twist your neck in a hope to get the pain to settle.
“Who attacked you?” Alec asked.
“I don’t know I didn’t see them.” You answered your hand moving up to rest on the back of your neck. “Lydia might have, though. They attacked me first.”
“(Y/N)!” Jace called as ran over to kneel next to you. “Why are you bleeding?” he asked.
“Whoever attacked me knocked my collar and my body isn’t healing.” You answered. “But no time to worry about that.” You pushed yourself up and Jace shot up with you pushing you to lean against the desk.
“Will you sit still!” He ordered.
“Nope, we have work to do.” You answered.
“No, I have work to do you need to rest,” Jace answered.
“Hmm. Nope.” You answered walking passed him and out of the room still twisting and rubbing your neck to try and get the pain to stop.
“(Y/N)! Wait can you at least get it bandaged up?” Jace begged and you sighed.
“Fine but I’ll heal soon.” You mumbled walking towards the infirmary with Jace behind you.

Once you had been bandaged up you were sat at a table lazy playing with things on the table in front of you, Jace had hoped that keeping you away from the conversation would mean that you were less likely to be a part of the fight. You could hear parts of the conversation like Hodge being the one that had hit you around the back of the head and that Valentine had smuggled something to him in the form of an attack. You watched as Jace walked away and towards the weapons and Clary desperately trying to talk him out of something. All of a sudden it was all too loud and you had to clamp your hands over your ears to drown out some of the noise. “(Y/N)!” You heard a muffled call. “(Y/N)!” the call was louder now and you looked up to see Jace was crouched in front of you. “You okay?”
“I’m… Fine” You answered your eye travelling around the room. Jace was too angry to question you further and so he nodded, stood up and kissed your forehead before leaving with Alec.
“(Y/N) Raphael said that he wants to see you,” Izzy informed you.
“Okay.” You nodded and started towards the doors of the institute again rolling your neck because of the pain.

“For Shadowhunters, you don’t seem to do a lot of Shadowhunting,” Raphael noted as you sat on one of the chairs behind.
“There is more to the job than killing demons.” Izzy scoffed.
“We need to talk to Camille. We know you have her here. We tracked her to the DuMort.” Clary informed and you rolled your eyes.
“Every Time that you talk to a downworlder you have an air about you, it bothers me “ You mumbled.
“It’s true, but I’m afraid she’s a bit tied up at the moment. Is there something I can help you with?” Raphael asked.
“Just a second,” Simon said grabbing
“Look, I know this sounds crazy, but we have to let them talk to Camille. She has a spell book that could wake up Jocelyn Fairchild. Valentine might have the Cup. The entire Downworld’s in danger.” Simon explained.
“She’s far too dangerous. Or did you already forget what happened last time you “talked” to her?” Raphael asked.
“It’s not like she can kill me again.” Simon shrugged and you rolled your eyes.
“She could.” You mumbled.
“You said it yourself if Valentine has the Cup, the entire Downworld is at risk. Camille will only make things worse.” Raphael turned to the others “I’ll bring you what’s left of Camille’s things, but speaking to her is out of the question.”
“Her things? This isn’t the kind of book she would’ve just left sitting around.” Clary scoffed.
“I’m sorry but that’s the best I can do.” Raphael stayed firm on his stance.
“We’re supposed to be allies,” Clary argued.
“And we are. But Shadowhunters have no business interfering with the Night Children’s affairs. You may look to the Clave for justice, but the vampires look to me. Camille stays where she is.”
“You’re making a huge mistake,” Clary smirked.
“That attitude is back.” You mumbled twisting your head again you hand on the back of your neck where the blood was starting to come through the bandage.
“(Y/N)? Are you okay?” Raphael asked.
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine there’s just something that I have to do.” You answered standing up and leaving the Hotel. You had no idea where you were going you just kept walking. You were walking for a long time before you ended up somewhere quiet but it was then that you realised that you had made a mistake. The silence somehow seemed louder than everything else, there was nothing to focus on and so everything was a distraction.
“Annoying isn’t it.” You heard someone say. You looked up and glared immediately at the man in front of you. “Your angel blood always suppressed the effects of your downworlder blood, we are superior in every way.”
“What do you want?” You asked.
“What your father can’t stop by to say hello?” he asked.
“Not after years of Radio Silence.” You answered leg bouncing.
“Well, you right I want something. I want to explain everything that has happened to you,” he said sitting next to you on the bench that you had managed to find.

Hodge looked between Alec and Jace and then behind them before finally looking back “Where’s (Y/N)?” he asked. Jace glared at him hands balled into fists at his sides.
“Why do you care?” Jace asked.
“Valentine mentioned her, something about her being part of the plan,” Hodge answered. “She was his creation, he made her, I know you all thought it, she had downworlder blood in her he just woke up the genes but her dad still roams around and he made a deal with Valentine.”
“Why should we believe anything you say?” he asked.
“You could choose not to but then she could be in danger,” Hodge answered.

You hadn’t been listening to anything that you dad was saying it was easy to concentrate on the noise rather than the words leaving his mouth. You had begun rubbing your neck in hopes to get the pain to go away “Wondering why it hasn’t healed yet?” he asked. You looked over silently wishing that you had stayed at the Hotel. “You genes are fighting each other and although they all have a healing gene it works differently for each downworlder, werewolves have a fast regeneration of cells and vampires are already dead so…”
“Don’t act like you know anything other than how to kill vampires, you hate them that’s as far as you connection goes.” You mumbled.
“You’re right about that, I was only with your mother to find out what the Wolves were planning, you were a mistake in more ways than one” he informed and you nodded.
“Of course I was, that’s why no one would ever tell me about my mum, I wasn’t even born in the institute,” You recalled.
“No, and so you can imagine when the time came to get rid of you I took it, it was supposed to happen a lot earlier. Years before it actually did… But you were too close to the Wayland boy and it worried Valentine, he was sure that taking you would have some effects on the boy so we waited, then the fray’s took the spotlight and you pushed into the back that was the perfect time for me to slip in and out with you and so I did.” You dad explained. “You were only gone for a few hours before we were done with you, though Valentine had a warlock put a charm on the place that he was keeping you to make sure that he had the extra time should he need, each hours you were gone for seemed like a year to you and was the reason that you were so angry.”
“I figured after realising that the Clary incident couldn’t still only just be started 4 years later, it was clear someone had messed with my mind.” You admitted.

“Well, this is awkward,” Magus muttered having Alec walk in on Camille pull him into a kiss.
“Where’s the book?” Alec asked.
“It’s complicated,” Magnus answered.
“Clearly,” Alec answered.
“I have it,” Camille admitted.
“And she’s graciously offered it in exchange for her freedom,” Magnus explained.
“And her freedom requires a lip-lock?” Izzy asked and Magnus gave her the ‘your not helping’ look.
“We don’t negotiate with prisoners.” Alec cut in.
“Prisoner? I beg to disagree. You see, I’m your only chance at saving the world. You need me.” Camille smiled. “You certainly have a type, don’t you, Magnus? He’s cute. Too bad it won’t last.”
“Say that again you won’t last.” Izzy threatened.
“I’d say he’s about 20 years from male pattern baldness.” Camille guessed.
“I don’t have time for this. Where’s Clary?” Alec asked, Magnus pointed behind him and Alec pushed passed them to find her.
“Alec, did you find Hodge?” Clary asked.
“Yeah, but Valentine has the Cup,” Alec admitted.
“What? We’re too late.” Clary whispered looking at Simon. “Where’s Jace? Is he okay?”
“He went after Valentine by himself. It’s like he’s totally lost it. I tried to stop him, but he wouldn’t listen.” Alec explained.
“We need to find Jace. He’s in a dark place. We don’t know what he’s gonna do.” Clary said trying to walk passed Alec.
“Luke is out looking for him. Jace wants us to stay on mission. That means we have to find the book.” Alec ordered.
“He’s right.” Simon agreed “We have to wake up your mum.”
“It’s our only way to stop Valentine,” Clary said looking between the two.
“Ready to sign?” Camille asked walking into the room.
“Take us to the apartment, give us the book, then you can have your pardon,” Simon answered.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Camille smiled after looking at each of them in turn.
“Good.” Simon smiled walking passed her back into the main area of the apartment followed by Alec, Clary and Camille.
“Wait where’s (Y/N)?” Alec asked when they were all stood in a group.
“She left when we were at the Hotel,” Izzy answered. “She said she had something to do.”
“No,” Alec whispered to himself pulling out his phone. “Come on,” he mumbled as he dialled your number.
“What’s wrong?” Izzy asked.
“Hodge said something about her being in trouble, that Valentine made a deal with her dad and that they had a plan for her,” Alec answered hanging up when you didn’t answer.
“Maybe you can ask Luke to keep an eye out for them both?” Clary suggested.
“I’ll figure it out come on let’s go,” Alec mumbled pointing to the door.

“Ever wondered what that collar does?” You dad asked.
“It’s a control collar.” You answered.
“ Wrong.” He smiled.
“Actually it suppresses your genes using wolf’s bane and Vervain it knocks the effects of the genes, you see when you were in intense pain after getting that ‘painkillers’ it was just the collar resetting, everything was dialled up to 100 and you body processed that as pain.” Your dad explained. “The painkillers were just top ups for the Vervain and Wolf’s bane in the collar.”
“Is this supposed to make me feel better or worse?” You asked.
“That’s up to you.” he mumbled.
“Well, it’s neither.” You answered.
“Now the collar isn’t working properly at all, you get flashes where everything is dialled up and then suddenly it’s all normal again.” You dad guessed.
“So?” You asked rubbing your neck.
“So it’s not going to get any better but taking the collar off completely would have overloaded you and then we would have lost you completely.” He answered.
“So you had Hodge break the collar to slow reintroduce the genes?” You guessed and your father nodded.
“you’re a smart girl.” he complimented and in a flashed grabbed the back of the collar pressing a button and yanking it away from your neck, you let out a harsh scream as the wires were pulled out of your neck and spine. There was no one around to hear you screaming though and you fell forward onto the floor, you weren’t able to feel anything not could you move, your heavy breathing was the only thing that filled your ears as you dad dropped the collar to the floor in front of you. “Your body will take anything from a couple of hours to a few weeks to get used to the change meaning that your senses will be crazy for a while” it was sudden but all you could hear what the sound of his blood being pumped around his body and all you could smell was angel blood “Now it’s time to take you back to Valentine.” you didn’t know what you were doing until it was done and you dad was drained of all of his blood.

You weren’t sure how long you were sat there before you got up and started running, like your dad had said you body would take a few hours to settle, so it seemed like everything was screaming at you, you weren’t looking where you were going but you weren’t paying attention “(Y/N)!” You looked around but you couldn’t pin where the voice was coming from. “(Y/N)!” Some touched your shoulder and you flinched back before looking up, you could smell the Angel blood before you even realised that it was Alec. “(Y/N) what happened?”
“I killed my dad…” You answered voice was dull as you wiped at your mouth. “He ripped the collar off, he wanted to take me to Valentine-” You stopped twisting your head again “everything is so loud.”
“We have to get her off the street,” Magnus ordered as he looked at the fangs and claws, they lead you over to Simon’s van and they took you back the Magnus’ apartment. They lead you inside and sat you down on the sofa. Alec disappeared for a second before he came back with a cloth and began to clean your face as you explained everything that you dad had explained to you.
“You have to stay here,” Magnus ordered. “At least until you have this under control.”
“I agree.” Alec nodded.
“Fine.” You nodded. The rest of the night they all explained what happened before leaving you to rest. 

Part 1 (Second Half) >>

Requests and general question!                        

Agency

The other day I made my first (and, hopefully, last) Twitter posts. The person they were directed at, of course, did not respond and promptly blocked my account. I’ll leave his name up there uncensored, in hopes he may get pressured to reply. 

It’s weird to take a step back and look at how my relationship with the thing called GamerGate has developed these last few months. It started with me looking at as much evidence as I could find and reluctantly speaking against someone’s actions. I asked people to provide counterevidence in case I was overlooking something. Lady Fuzztail stepped up to the plate, and within three messages she more or less agreed with my position. My brief exchange with her back in August, however, literally marked the last time any of the “anti-Gamergate” people actually tried to convince me they were in the right.

I mean, sure, there has definitely been a concerted effort made to show how terrible GamerGate is and how everyone who touches it is evil and supports harassment or something. I have been told time and time again that there are consequences to showing support toward something like that, or occasionally just been outright attacked for it. But, despite my pleas for someone to do so, nobody is really trying to defend the other side of this to me. Nobody is really trying to alleviate my concerns about the people GamerGate is opposing, and this bothers me so much.

Like, these people who oppose GamerGate keep getting creepier, and they’re not doing anything to alleviate it. I was really bothered by the response to Wolf Wozniak’s alleged sexual harassment and the way he was immediately attacked for speaking out. I was sickened when someone responded to the whole Eron Gjoni thing with an article saying that victims of abusive relationships needed to think about what they did to cause the abuse. I was appalled by the way things like NotYourShield have been completely ignored or accused of being manipulated. At this point, I am literally sticking with GamerGate because I feel like this is the side where I am less likely to get raped. And, for some inconceivable reason, nobody is even making an effort to convince me my feelings are unfounded.

I am just at a complete loss at how to handle this. Like, I’m trying to do what is right here, but one side of this is making no attempt to show me they are the good guys. Even when I outline the exact apprehensions that keep me from taking their side, all I receive is disappointment that I’m not taking their side. I just don’t know what to do.

Further Appehensions

I guess as this goes on, there are some disturbing patterns that have emerged. At least, disturbing to me. 

Like, look back up at the tweets above. There’s this thing that keeps coming up, “chugged all the 4chan kool-aid”. Conceptually, this is just so bizarre to me.

I get along fairly well with 4chan, 8chan, and other anon cultures. This is not a huge secret. My background is in research psychology; I’m used to using anonymity to gather opinions and just generally dealing with people at their weirdest. I interact with pretty much every other site that discusses my work, too, but 4chan is apparently the one that surprises people the most because for some reason they are terrified of it. 

There’s this weird idea, though, that there is some sort of tainted knowledge there and that once you touch it, you have been manipulated and there is nothing anyone can do to correct this until you voluntarily choose to disbelieve this information. Which, of course, pisses me the hell off because that is not how manipulation works. Manipulation revolves around feeding someone misinformation, which can be easily combated with logic and counterevidence. Just listening to things or having a positive relationship with a group is not enough to “corrupt” someone. 

But you know who tends to push that line of thought? Cults do. One of the key components to most cults is that they stigmatize knowledge that would draw people away from their beliefs. If someone digs too deep and acquires knowledge that causes them to question the cult’s beliefs, they are immediately declared a lost cause, or even publicly punished to dissuade others from pursuing such forbidden fruit. This is how cults maintain power over their members. This sort of “lost cause” and “making an example” behavior is also the exact behavior a lot of the GamerGate opponents seem to be displaying toward me, even Tarason up above. 

Like I said in my reply to him, though, the part that disturbs me more is the general lack of agency this attributes to me. 

What he’s saying pivots on this implicit assumption that, because I hold a different position than him, someone else must be controlling me without my consent. What’s not considered is that, perhaps, I am consciously choosing the side that is making a better case for itself. Like… you know, the thing I actually say I am doing. Again and again, while outlining the exact reasons I make these choices?

Try to look at this from my point of view. When I see people say things like “Eron Gjoni wrote a long hitpiece claiming his ex-girlfriend traded sex for reviews”, this scares me because you can actually read the thing and see that doesn’t occur. When someone who claims to have been sexually harassed by a well-connected person can be attacked for it while someone who attacks a well-connected person can be baselessly accused of sexual harassment, that scares me because I could easily end up in either of those positions. When someone is only acknowledged to be female or a minority when they are being oppressed or harassed and the rest of the time are erased into being Straight White Men, this scares me because it takes away any control I have over my own group’s reputation. 

These are the kind of behaviors I see as characterizing GamerGate’s opposition, as well as being things that GamerGate combats either directly or by proxy. If I am wrong about feeling these things, then I want someone to convince me they aren’t actually occuring - or, perhaps more likely given how much of it now comes from personal experience, convince me that controls have been instituted to ensure these things cannot not occur in the future. As of yet, nobody is really taking that step to convince me “anti-GamerGate” are the good guys here. At best, there’s just that push to paint GamerGate as harassers.

And you know what? That really gets on my nerves too. Like, everything people point to as evidence of GamerGate harassing people is about as bad as I get just by virtue of being relatively well-known. On top of that, a lot of the harassment I see held up as particularly horrible is very on-par with the response people get when they attack their audience - which is exactly what is happening here. To me, it feels like another instance of problems being erased or ignored until they happen to someone well-connected - and even then these people aren’t speaking out against harassment in general. Fuck, GamerGate has been the ones publicly denouncing harassment, whereas the prevailing opinion with its opponents seems to be “harassment is okay, if against the right people”. And like… I can’t side with that. If I’m wrong in parsing the situation that way, I need someone to show me I’m wrong.

And then there’s the whole “just bunch of angry straight white men afraid of video games becoming diverse” thing. You know, where there was a movement of hundreds if not thousands of women and minorities showing their support for GamerGate, and it was dismissed as being sockpuppet accounts and people who were “tricked” into supporting it? Apparently there is this perception that GamerGate is somehow going to somehow drive all minorities out of gaming, despite the fact that GamerGate is notoriously leaderless, meaning even if they destroyed every gaming journalism outlet in existence the only thing they could really bring about is a chaotic quasi-meritocracy. And like… do you even realize how bigoted it is to suggest that only straight white men could prevail in an environment like that? That kind of situation - where there is no overseer beyond the general populace deciding who does/doesn’t get visibility - is the kind of environment I want. That’s something I’m willing to fight for. 

Through all of this, I’m just left wondering: what exactly is the endgame here regarding people like me? Like, is the message here that if I agree with GamerGate’s opposition, then I will be protected from their harassment and allowed to harass others? Am I supposed to feel like by taking their side, I would be exempt from any kind of real-world sexual misconduct that would otherwise come from their supporters, and will be covered should I do those things against others? Is the message that if I agree with their position now and remain silent about their minority erasure, then in the future I will be able to dissent with my sexuality properly attributed? I just don’t understand what their sell is. What is the thing that is supposed to make me want to support them? On what level are they not everything I am morally obligated to oppose?

I am not being manipulated here; I have agency and am making a choice based on the evidence I have available. And like I’ve said again and again, if you feel like I am making a choice on bad information, then you can provide more information. This is not a trap, this is an invite. I would prefer this to be two groups who are competing for my allegiance, rather than one group trying to win my allegiance and one group threatening me for opposing them. But, as of yet, I cannot see any evidence that the Opposition side of this benefits me. Nobody is making a case for why they are worth supporting. Nobody is making a sell.

Sure, like I said earlier, people are really quick to talk about all the evils GamerGate probably** did. But as I’ve stressed before, a group that is morally gray is preferable to one that is morally devoid. I see this as a group of flawed humans attacking a bigoted and problematic institution. I want to see this institution burn, and frankly I’ll show respect to whoever is holding the torches. If you have a problem with this, then you have to convince me it isn’t as bad as I think. This is not complicated.

At least, it’s not complicated if your group is actually not that bad  

Applying Agency

This all really comes back to this idea of agency. 

GamerGate, whether you approve or disapprove of its actions, has almost always positioned itself as being a choice. They show a lot of respect for people who weigh both sides, and usually remain confident that evidence will lead neutrals to their side. If someone opposes them, their first tactic is to try to dissuade them with reason. When they sought to emphasize their diversity, their method was opt-in: people wore the “#NotYourShield” tag by choice. These are refreshing design choices.

The opposition, by contrast, has been… less accommodating to the idea of people thinking on their own. I’ve seen neutral parties attacked for even giving GamerGate the time of day, “for the good of women and the minorities!” is constantly thrown around no matter how hard people scream “no! You don’t represent me!”, and there is of course the idea, perpetuated by people like Tarason up at the top of this post, that anyone who opposes them has been indoctrinated and manipulated and is no longer in control of their faculties. 

This feels black-and-white, and that bothers me. It is increasingly difficult to hang onto this belief that there are two sides to this that have legitimate points. Like I keep stressing, I want to be put in a situation where two sides are competing for my allegiance, but only one side is even playing. 

I’m just not sure how to respond to that, other than… keep offering to listen? As usual, I’m here, and even if I don’t reply to all my emails anymore I promise I’m reading and heeding. 

Living With The Irwins (Pt. 1)

Word Count: 1,692

Requested: Nope. Just a little bored

When you’re dad dies you and your mom start struggling financially so she decides the best way to help with the situation is to ship you off with a family who you’ve never met before. The Irwins 

“Why? How could you possibly do this is to me?” I asked my mother with disbelief. My eyes started to burn while the tears were threatening to escape. I looked at her with one last time and she had a look of disapproval on her face.

“You know I do not agree with this.” She said again looking at the ground.

“Then how can you let me go? How can you just abandon me like this?” she flinched at my words as her eyes started to gloss over and her hands started to shake.

“You know, I did not mean for this to happen.  It just seems to be right, I think you can learn from this and you can grow as a human being, it will help you become a better person and it will help you be more mature.” She glanced at me one more time before holding her head up and turning on her heels out of my small room and into the kitchen of our apartment.

I threw my head down and buried it into my pillow as I let my tears fall. My mother had just informed me that I would be moving to a new location within the next day. She did not say where, but the reason why was really obvious.

My father had died earlier in the year in a car accident with a drunk driver. He also had been the way we had gotten our weekly incomes. He was a working father, and my mom stayed home cleaning and making sure everything was in order. But after he had died it was my mother’s responsibility to provide for us. I had offered numerous times to let me get a job and help her but she would not. I couldn’t tell if it was a since of pride or just because she felt like she could handle it on her own. So, instead of trying to figure something out, she decided to ship me off to a “family friend.”

Great.

 I didn’t get her reasoning behind it and was too frustrated and disappointed in her to ask. Even if I did ask all she would be able to say is how great it is for my future and how wonderful I will be when I grow up because of this experience, even though there is really nothing about this that is going to be wonderful.

I fisted the sheets one more time and pushed myself off the bed. With a sigh I started to head toward the kitchen, my mother was not there. She must have left, lately whenever she and I got into an argument she would just leave our tiny apartment. A few hours later she would come back from the store with maybe a gallon of milk or some eggs.

It seemed like mine and my mother’s relationship went downhill, and I couldn’t do anything to save it. She was distant and I was the same, we wouldn’t talk as much as we used to and she wouldn’t ask me any of the questions that annoyed me like “how was school?” or “what grade did you get on your last test?” and sadly I missed them.

I missed my mother and I just wanted her back, the mom I had grown up with would never send me away.

I breathed in and grabbed some grapes from the kitchen popping them into my mouth and turned back into my room to start to pack. I folded all my clothes into the all the suitcases I owned because I did not know how long I would be gone. All I knew was I was going and my mother would not allow otherwise.

“(Y/N) wake up. (Y/N)! Wake up.” My eyelids fluttered open and I saw my mother staring at me. “Come on. We have to get going. Your flight leaves in three hours.” I glanced over at my alarm clock, it was 4:30 in the morning.

Slowly I got up and went to our tiny bathroom. I showered and brushed my teeth before slipping on a sweatshirt and some jeans. I put my hair into a ponytail and brushed my teeth. I glanced around the bathroom trying to see if I was missing something but didn’t find anything.

I walked out of the bathroom and looked at my mother. She didn’t make eye contact with me, she just stared at the ground.

“Okay, let’s go (Y/N).” She said and started to walk out of the apartment. I followed close behind her. “I already put your luggage into the car.” I hummed in response and walked down the two flights of stairs that lead into our apartment.

The car ride was long and silent. Everything was a blur, the expressway passing by so quickly but at the same time so slowly. Then the way she pulled into the airport. It seemed like everything was hazy. I did not find any words to say to her, or any words to express how I was feeling. Words just couldn’t fully justify how my heart was shattering with every step I took moving closer to the flight.

I checked in my bags and they let my mom walk me to the gate where my departure was going to take place. I sat in one of the blue chairs and stared at the pattern of the carpet.

“You know I don’t want you to leave right?” she asked me

“If you don’t want me to leave then why are you making me go?”

“Because…it’s the right thing to do. I know you probably don’t understand it now, but you will when you’re older, and I hope that you will thank me.”

“Okay.”

The rest was silent and slowly the time inched forward, the plane was going to leave soon. I glanced up at my mom, with my eyebrows furrowing.

“You never told me where I was going.” I stated

She glanced up at me and glanced around to all the people. Her eyebrows furrowed too realizing she had not told me.

“You’re going to be going to be living in Australia for a little bit. They are my close friends from collage and were willing to take you in so you need to be respectful. They have three kids. I know one is older then you and the other two I think are younger. They are a very nice family and I expect you to show your respect considering they are doing this for us.”

“Correction, for you. They are doing this for you not for us.”

“Please (Y/N) don’t do this. I don’t want you to go.”

“And yet, I’m still going. How about that?”

“(Y/N)…”

Just then the flight attendant spoke through the speaker “Flight to Australia gate 36B is now boarding.”

“That’s my que.” I said standing up and grabbing my carryon luggage.

“(Y/N), wait”

 “Yes?”

“I love you.”

“Okay, I love you too.” I turned and walked away from her.

The flight seemed to last forever. It was just me and my thoughts and it scared me to think how lost I felt. I was like a lost puppy looking for its owner, even though it knows it was abandoned.  When we finally landed I was the last person out of the plane. I did not want to meet the people I was going to be living with, I just wanted to go back home.

When I exited the airplane I was lost. I was looking for someone I had never met or even seen a picture of. Thanks mom. I sighed and rubbed my hands on my temples.

“(Y/N)?”

“Yeah?”  I asked turning around seeing a woman with blonde hair and blue eyes.

“Hi I’m Anne. You’re going to be staying with us,” the woman said gesturing to the people behind her.

There were three children, one girl and two boys. One of the boys looked around my age while the other two looked younger.

“Hi, I’m (Y/N).” I said smiling at each of them.

“Hi (Y/N), I’m Harry.” Said the younger boy.

“I’m Lauren.” Said the girl.

“And I’m Ashton.” Said the older boy.

“Well best be going, we have a lot to do today.” Said Anne, smiling in my direction. She led us out of the airport and into a car.

We arrived at the Irwin home in 20 minutes, Ashton had offered to help me carry my luggage inside the house and show me around.

“I hope you don’t mind the mess.” Anne had said as I walked into the spotless house. Ashton chuckled behind me and nodded his head toward the staircase.

“This way.” He said and walked up them. I followed him, walking to the end of the long hallway. He turned left into a white room with a bed in the corner.

“This is going to be where you’ll be staying.” He said dropping my bags on my bed.

“Thank you.” I said to him looking around.

“There is a bathroom around the corner, and my room is right across the hall if you need anything.” Ashton said and left the room, closing the door slowly behind him.

I sighed to myself and sat on the bed. The room was plain, nothing covering the walls, no color. Just a normal white room with four walls that could eat me alive.

I sat there in silence for ten minutes, just analyzing everything that had happened to me, when I heard a knock on the door.

“Come in.” I said my voice quiet from my thoughts.

The door creaked open, and Ashton stood inside it.

“I’m having three of my friends over tonight if you would like to hang out you’re more than welcome.” He said smiling at me.

“No thanks. I think I’m just going to stay here for a little bit.”  I said gesturing to the room.

“Oh, well just so you know we would love to have your company.” He said rubbing the back of his neck.

“Okay, well maybe a little later then.” I said to him, he nodded his head and shut the door. 

Part two?

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