why did no one inform me earlier

anonymous asked:

thoughts on that fanservice bit in Dan's liveshow?

I have so many thoughts!

- It was fucking hilarious. 
- It was a laugh with you not laugh at you moment. 
- He was teasing us but there was no underlying anger or anxiety to it.  Dan was in a good mood.
- He volunteered so much information that he didn’t need to: what they did for lunch, who they went with, that he went to meet his mum, why he went to meet his mum. None of that information was pivotal to a You guys are gonna flip, I was cold earlier so Phil gave me his coat and I wore it joke/story. 
- It feels like another one of those moments of increased comfort, that he was even ok sharing that under the guise of a joke. I mean, the whole point of it was just them sharing clothes. It was a big deal because Dan knew his fans would flip out - and they did. And he told it anyway.
- The things he actually said could so easily have turned negative, but the tone wasn’t negative at all. He was dragging his fans the same way his fans drag him; with truthful digs but no malice. 

tl;dr - I liked it!

Stolen Innocence *Part 12* (Final)

Jace Wayland X Reader

Word Count: 2586

Requested: @queen-twerks-a-lot @mistakes-101

Request: Please! Please! Please! Pretty please! Update Stolen Innocence! It’s amazing, Part 12!!!

A/N I’m so happy that you all enjoyed it, I’m so thankful for your support, I’m hoping to start this up again when Shadowhunters starts again which is why this seems unfinished. Again thank you for the support and I really hope that you’ve enjoyed it.

<< Part 11

Originally posted by mikaelsonenthusiast


Alec rushed in seeing both You and Lydia on the floor both Magnus and Alec noticed you were bleeding “Where is she bleeding from?” Alec asked looking over you.
“The collar had been moved, she bleeding from where wires enter the skin,” Magnus answered. You took a sharp breath in and pushed yourself up onto all four ignoring the protest of Magnus and Alec.
“I will heal help Lydia” You managed to say as you swung round to sit leaning on the desk.
“You’ve both been like this for a while and you haven’t healed, I’m not sure that your body can,” Magnus said and you rolled your shoulders.
“Yeah well then we’re just going to have to bandage it up aren’t we.” You mumbled.
“Magnus go get help,” Alec ordered.
“God this is what you get for helping people.” You continued to twist your neck in a hope to get the pain to settle.
“Who attacked you?” Alec asked.
“I don’t know I didn’t see them.” You answered your hand moving up to rest on the back of your neck. “Lydia might have, though. They attacked me first.”
“(Y/N)!” Jace called as ran over to kneel next to you. “Why are you bleeding?” he asked.
“Whoever attacked me knocked my collar and my body isn’t healing.” You answered. “But no time to worry about that.” You pushed yourself up and Jace shot up with you pushing you to lean against the desk.
“Will you sit still!” He ordered.
“Nope, we have work to do.” You answered.
“No, I have work to do you need to rest,” Jace answered.
“Hmm. Nope.” You answered walking passed him and out of the room still twisting and rubbing your neck to try and get the pain to stop.
“(Y/N)! Wait can you at least get it bandaged up?” Jace begged and you sighed.
“Fine but I’ll heal soon.” You mumbled walking towards the infirmary with Jace behind you.

Once you had been bandaged up you were sat at a table lazy playing with things on the table in front of you, Jace had hoped that keeping you away from the conversation would mean that you were less likely to be a part of the fight. You could hear parts of the conversation like Hodge being the one that had hit you around the back of the head and that Valentine had smuggled something to him in the form of an attack. You watched as Jace walked away and towards the weapons and Clary desperately trying to talk him out of something. All of a sudden it was all too loud and you had to clamp your hands over your ears to drown out some of the noise. “(Y/N)!” You heard a muffled call. “(Y/N)!” the call was louder now and you looked up to see Jace was crouched in front of you. “You okay?”
“I’m… Fine” You answered your eye travelling around the room. Jace was too angry to question you further and so he nodded, stood up and kissed your forehead before leaving with Alec.
“(Y/N) Raphael said that he wants to see you,” Izzy informed you.
“Okay.” You nodded and started towards the doors of the institute again rolling your neck because of the pain.

“For Shadowhunters, you don’t seem to do a lot of Shadowhunting,” Raphael noted as you sat on one of the chairs behind.
“There is more to the job than killing demons.” Izzy scoffed.
“We need to talk to Camille. We know you have her here. We tracked her to the DuMort.” Clary informed and you rolled your eyes.
“Every Time that you talk to a downworlder you have an air about you, it bothers me “ You mumbled.
“It’s true, but I’m afraid she’s a bit tied up at the moment. Is there something I can help you with?” Raphael asked.
“Just a second,” Simon said grabbing
“Look, I know this sounds crazy, but we have to let them talk to Camille. She has a spell book that could wake up Jocelyn Fairchild. Valentine might have the Cup. The entire Downworld’s in danger.” Simon explained.
“She’s far too dangerous. Or did you already forget what happened last time you “talked” to her?” Raphael asked.
“It’s not like she can kill me again.” Simon shrugged and you rolled your eyes.
“She could.” You mumbled.
“You said it yourself if Valentine has the Cup, the entire Downworld is at risk. Camille will only make things worse.” Raphael turned to the others “I’ll bring you what’s left of Camille’s things, but speaking to her is out of the question.”
“Her things? This isn’t the kind of book she would’ve just left sitting around.” Clary scoffed.
“I’m sorry but that’s the best I can do.” Raphael stayed firm on his stance.
“We’re supposed to be allies,” Clary argued.
“And we are. But Shadowhunters have no business interfering with the Night Children’s affairs. You may look to the Clave for justice, but the vampires look to me. Camille stays where she is.”
“You’re making a huge mistake,” Clary smirked.
“That attitude is back.” You mumbled twisting your head again you hand on the back of your neck where the blood was starting to come through the bandage.
“(Y/N)? Are you okay?” Raphael asked.
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine there’s just something that I have to do.” You answered standing up and leaving the Hotel. You had no idea where you were going you just kept walking. You were walking for a long time before you ended up somewhere quiet but it was then that you realised that you had made a mistake. The silence somehow seemed louder than everything else, there was nothing to focus on and so everything was a distraction.
“Annoying isn’t it.” You heard someone say. You looked up and glared immediately at the man in front of you. “Your angel blood always suppressed the effects of your downworlder blood, we are superior in every way.”
“What do you want?” You asked.
“What your father can’t stop by to say hello?” he asked.
“Not after years of Radio Silence.” You answered leg bouncing.
“Well, you right I want something. I want to explain everything that has happened to you,” he said sitting next to you on the bench that you had managed to find.

Hodge looked between Alec and Jace and then behind them before finally looking back “Where’s (Y/N)?” he asked. Jace glared at him hands balled into fists at his sides.
“Why do you care?” Jace asked.
“Valentine mentioned her, something about her being part of the plan,” Hodge answered. “She was his creation, he made her, I know you all thought it, she had downworlder blood in her he just woke up the genes but her dad still roams around and he made a deal with Valentine.”
“Why should we believe anything you say?” he asked.
“You could choose not to but then she could be in danger,” Hodge answered.

You hadn’t been listening to anything that you dad was saying it was easy to concentrate on the noise rather than the words leaving his mouth. You had begun rubbing your neck in hopes to get the pain to go away “Wondering why it hasn’t healed yet?” he asked. You looked over silently wishing that you had stayed at the Hotel. “You genes are fighting each other and although they all have a healing gene it works differently for each downworlder, werewolves have a fast regeneration of cells and vampires are already dead so…”
“Don’t act like you know anything other than how to kill vampires, you hate them that’s as far as you connection goes.” You mumbled.
“You’re right about that, I was only with your mother to find out what the Wolves were planning, you were a mistake in more ways than one” he informed and you nodded.
“Of course I was, that’s why no one would ever tell me about my mum, I wasn’t even born in the institute,” You recalled.
“No, and so you can imagine when the time came to get rid of you I took it, it was supposed to happen a lot earlier. Years before it actually did… But you were too close to the Wayland boy and it worried Valentine, he was sure that taking you would have some effects on the boy so we waited, then the fray’s took the spotlight and you pushed into the back that was the perfect time for me to slip in and out with you and so I did.” You dad explained. “You were only gone for a few hours before we were done with you, though Valentine had a warlock put a charm on the place that he was keeping you to make sure that he had the extra time should he need, each hours you were gone for seemed like a year to you and was the reason that you were so angry.”
“I figured after realising that the Clary incident couldn’t still only just be started 4 years later, it was clear someone had messed with my mind.” You admitted.

“Well, this is awkward,” Magus muttered having Alec walk in on Camille pull him into a kiss.
“Where’s the book?” Alec asked.
“It’s complicated,” Magnus answered.
“Clearly,” Alec answered.
“I have it,” Camille admitted.
“And she’s graciously offered it in exchange for her freedom,” Magnus explained.
“And her freedom requires a lip-lock?” Izzy asked and Magnus gave her the ‘your not helping’ look.
“We don’t negotiate with prisoners.” Alec cut in.
“Prisoner? I beg to disagree. You see, I’m your only chance at saving the world. You need me.” Camille smiled. “You certainly have a type, don’t you, Magnus? He’s cute. Too bad it won’t last.”
“Say that again you won’t last.” Izzy threatened.
“I’d say he’s about 20 years from male pattern baldness.” Camille guessed.
“I don’t have time for this. Where’s Clary?” Alec asked, Magnus pointed behind him and Alec pushed passed them to find her.
“Alec, did you find Hodge?” Clary asked.
“Yeah, but Valentine has the Cup,” Alec admitted.
“What? We’re too late.” Clary whispered looking at Simon. “Where’s Jace? Is he okay?”
“He went after Valentine by himself. It’s like he’s totally lost it. I tried to stop him, but he wouldn’t listen.” Alec explained.
“We need to find Jace. He’s in a dark place. We don’t know what he’s gonna do.” Clary said trying to walk passed Alec.
“Luke is out looking for him. Jace wants us to stay on mission. That means we have to find the book.” Alec ordered.
“He’s right.” Simon agreed “We have to wake up your mum.”
“It’s our only way to stop Valentine,” Clary said looking between the two.
“Ready to sign?” Camille asked walking into the room.
“Take us to the apartment, give us the book, then you can have your pardon,” Simon answered.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Camille smiled after looking at each of them in turn.
“Good.” Simon smiled walking passed her back into the main area of the apartment followed by Alec, Clary and Camille.
“Wait where’s (Y/N)?” Alec asked when they were all stood in a group.
“She left when we were at the Hotel,” Izzy answered. “She said she had something to do.”
“No,” Alec whispered to himself pulling out his phone. “Come on,” he mumbled as he dialled your number.
“What’s wrong?” Izzy asked.
“Hodge said something about her being in trouble, that Valentine made a deal with her dad and that they had a plan for her,” Alec answered hanging up when you didn’t answer.
“Maybe you can ask Luke to keep an eye out for them both?” Clary suggested.
“I’ll figure it out come on let’s go,” Alec mumbled pointing to the door.

“Ever wondered what that collar does?” You dad asked.
“It’s a control collar.” You answered.
“ Wrong.” He smiled.
“Actually it suppresses your genes using wolf’s bane and Vervain it knocks the effects of the genes, you see when you were in intense pain after getting that ‘painkillers’ it was just the collar resetting, everything was dialled up to 100 and you body processed that as pain.” Your dad explained. “The painkillers were just top ups for the Vervain and Wolf’s bane in the collar.”
“Is this supposed to make me feel better or worse?” You asked.
“That’s up to you.” he mumbled.
“Well, it’s neither.” You answered.
“Now the collar isn’t working properly at all, you get flashes where everything is dialled up and then suddenly it’s all normal again.” You dad guessed.
“So?” You asked rubbing your neck.
“So it’s not going to get any better but taking the collar off completely would have overloaded you and then we would have lost you completely.” He answered.
“So you had Hodge break the collar to slow reintroduce the genes?” You guessed and your father nodded.
“you’re a smart girl.” he complimented and in a flashed grabbed the back of the collar pressing a button and yanking it away from your neck, you let out a harsh scream as the wires were pulled out of your neck and spine. There was no one around to hear you screaming though and you fell forward onto the floor, you weren’t able to feel anything not could you move, your heavy breathing was the only thing that filled your ears as you dad dropped the collar to the floor in front of you. “Your body will take anything from a couple of hours to a few weeks to get used to the change meaning that your senses will be crazy for a while” it was sudden but all you could hear what the sound of his blood being pumped around his body and all you could smell was angel blood “Now it’s time to take you back to Valentine.” you didn’t know what you were doing until it was done and you dad was drained of all of his blood.

You weren’t sure how long you were sat there before you got up and started running, like your dad had said you body would take a few hours to settle, so it seemed like everything was screaming at you, you weren’t looking where you were going but you weren’t paying attention “(Y/N)!” You looked around but you couldn’t pin where the voice was coming from. “(Y/N)!” Some touched your shoulder and you flinched back before looking up, you could smell the Angel blood before you even realised that it was Alec. “(Y/N) what happened?”
“I killed my dad…” You answered voice was dull as you wiped at your mouth. “He ripped the collar off, he wanted to take me to Valentine-” You stopped twisting your head again “everything is so loud.”
“We have to get her off the street,” Magnus ordered as he looked at the fangs and claws, they lead you over to Simon’s van and they took you back the Magnus’ apartment. They lead you inside and sat you down on the sofa. Alec disappeared for a second before he came back with a cloth and began to clean your face as you explained everything that you dad had explained to you.
“You have to stay here,” Magnus ordered. “At least until you have this under control.”
“I agree.” Alec nodded.
“Fine.” You nodded. The rest of the night they all explained what happened before leaving you to rest. 

Part 1 (Second Half) >>

Requests and general question!                        

Runaways

Caleb Prior

Secret, shock, angst, mild argument, fluff

Fandom: Divergent

Request: “could you write a divergent one where you are an erudite transfer like caleb and you are dating and then you tell him you are divergent and need to escape erudite and go to amity where you will be safer and you both argue because you didn’t tell him earlier/he doesn’t want you to run away/you don’t want him to be in danger too but he wants to come? thank you if you do ♥ x”

Word count: 677

gif is not mine.

Keep reading

Agency

The other day I made my first (and, hopefully, last) Twitter posts. The person they were directed at, of course, did not respond and promptly blocked my account. I’ll leave his name up there uncensored, in hopes he may get pressured to reply. 

It’s weird to take a step back and look at how my relationship with the thing called GamerGate has developed these last few months. It started with me looking at as much evidence as I could find and reluctantly speaking against someone’s actions. I asked people to provide counterevidence in case I was overlooking something. Lady Fuzztail stepped up to the plate, and within three messages she more or less agreed with my position. My brief exchange with her back in August, however, literally marked the last time any of the “anti-Gamergate” people actually tried to convince me they were in the right.

I mean, sure, there has definitely been a concerted effort made to show how terrible GamerGate is and how everyone who touches it is evil and supports harassment or something. I have been told time and time again that there are consequences to showing support toward something like that, or occasionally just been outright attacked for it. But, despite my pleas for someone to do so, nobody is really trying to defend the other side of this to me. Nobody is really trying to alleviate my concerns about the people GamerGate is opposing, and this bothers me so much.

Like, these people who oppose GamerGate keep getting creepier, and they’re not doing anything to alleviate it. I was really bothered by the response to Wolf Wozniak’s alleged sexual harassment and the way he was immediately attacked for speaking out. I was sickened when someone responded to the whole Eron Gjoni thing with an article saying that victims of abusive relationships needed to think about what they did to cause the abuse. I was appalled by the way things like NotYourShield have been completely ignored or accused of being manipulated. At this point, I am literally sticking with GamerGate because I feel like this is the side where I am less likely to get raped. And, for some inconceivable reason, nobody is even making an effort to convince me my feelings are unfounded.

I am just at a complete loss at how to handle this. Like, I’m trying to do what is right here, but one side of this is making no attempt to show me they are the good guys. Even when I outline the exact apprehensions that keep me from taking their side, all I receive is disappointment that I’m not taking their side. I just don’t know what to do.

Further Appehensions

I guess as this goes on, there are some disturbing patterns that have emerged. At least, disturbing to me. 

Like, look back up at the tweets above. There’s this thing that keeps coming up, “chugged all the 4chan kool-aid”. Conceptually, this is just so bizarre to me.

I get along fairly well with 4chan, 8chan, and other anon cultures. This is not a huge secret. My background is in research psychology; I’m used to using anonymity to gather opinions and just generally dealing with people at their weirdest. I interact with pretty much every other site that discusses my work, too, but 4chan is apparently the one that surprises people the most because for some reason they are terrified of it. 

There’s this weird idea, though, that there is some sort of tainted knowledge there and that once you touch it, you have been manipulated and there is nothing anyone can do to correct this until you voluntarily choose to disbelieve this information. Which, of course, pisses me the hell off because that is not how manipulation works. Manipulation revolves around feeding someone misinformation, which can be easily combated with logic and counterevidence. Just listening to things or having a positive relationship with a group is not enough to “corrupt” someone. 

But you know who tends to push that line of thought? Cults do. One of the key components to most cults is that they stigmatize knowledge that would draw people away from their beliefs. If someone digs too deep and acquires knowledge that causes them to question the cult’s beliefs, they are immediately declared a lost cause, or even publicly punished to dissuade others from pursuing such forbidden fruit. This is how cults maintain power over their members. This sort of “lost cause” and “making an example” behavior is also the exact behavior a lot of the GamerGate opponents seem to be displaying toward me, even Tarason up above. 

Like I said in my reply to him, though, the part that disturbs me more is the general lack of agency this attributes to me. 

What he’s saying pivots on this implicit assumption that, because I hold a different position than him, someone else must be controlling me without my consent. What’s not considered is that, perhaps, I am consciously choosing the side that is making a better case for itself. Like… you know, the thing I actually say I am doing. Again and again, while outlining the exact reasons I make these choices?

Try to look at this from my point of view. When I see people say things like “Eron Gjoni wrote a long hitpiece claiming his ex-girlfriend traded sex for reviews”, this scares me because you can actually read the thing and see that doesn’t occur. When someone who claims to have been sexually harassed by a well-connected person can be attacked for it while someone who attacks a well-connected person can be baselessly accused of sexual harassment, that scares me because I could easily end up in either of those positions. When someone is only acknowledged to be female or a minority when they are being oppressed or harassed and the rest of the time are erased into being Straight White Men, this scares me because it takes away any control I have over my own group’s reputation. 

These are the kind of behaviors I see as characterizing GamerGate’s opposition, as well as being things that GamerGate combats either directly or by proxy. If I am wrong about feeling these things, then I want someone to convince me they aren’t actually occuring - or, perhaps more likely given how much of it now comes from personal experience, convince me that controls have been instituted to ensure these things cannot not occur in the future. As of yet, nobody is really taking that step to convince me “anti-GamerGate” are the good guys here. At best, there’s just that push to paint GamerGate as harassers.

And you know what? That really gets on my nerves too. Like, everything people point to as evidence of GamerGate harassing people is about as bad as I get just by virtue of being relatively well-known. On top of that, a lot of the harassment I see held up as particularly horrible is very on-par with the response people get when they attack their audience - which is exactly what is happening here. To me, it feels like another instance of problems being erased or ignored until they happen to someone well-connected - and even then these people aren’t speaking out against harassment in general. Fuck, GamerGate has been the ones publicly denouncing harassment, whereas the prevailing opinion with its opponents seems to be “harassment is okay, if against the right people”. And like… I can’t side with that. If I’m wrong in parsing the situation that way, I need someone to show me I’m wrong.

And then there’s the whole “just bunch of angry straight white men afraid of video games becoming diverse” thing. You know, where there was a movement of hundreds if not thousands of women and minorities showing their support for GamerGate, and it was dismissed as being sockpuppet accounts and people who were “tricked” into supporting it? Apparently there is this perception that GamerGate is somehow going to somehow drive all minorities out of gaming, despite the fact that GamerGate is notoriously leaderless, meaning even if they destroyed every gaming journalism outlet in existence the only thing they could really bring about is a chaotic quasi-meritocracy. And like… do you even realize how bigoted it is to suggest that only straight white men could prevail in an environment like that? That kind of situation - where there is no overseer beyond the general populace deciding who does/doesn’t get visibility - is the kind of environment I want. That’s something I’m willing to fight for. 

Through all of this, I’m just left wondering: what exactly is the endgame here regarding people like me? Like, is the message here that if I agree with GamerGate’s opposition, then I will be protected from their harassment and allowed to harass others? Am I supposed to feel like by taking their side, I would be exempt from any kind of real-world sexual misconduct that would otherwise come from their supporters, and will be covered should I do those things against others? Is the message that if I agree with their position now and remain silent about their minority erasure, then in the future I will be able to dissent with my sexuality properly attributed? I just don’t understand what their sell is. What is the thing that is supposed to make me want to support them? On what level are they not everything I am morally obligated to oppose?

I am not being manipulated here; I have agency and am making a choice based on the evidence I have available. And like I’ve said again and again, if you feel like I am making a choice on bad information, then you can provide more information. This is not a trap, this is an invite. I would prefer this to be two groups who are competing for my allegiance, rather than one group trying to win my allegiance and one group threatening me for opposing them. But, as of yet, I cannot see any evidence that the Opposition side of this benefits me. Nobody is making a case for why they are worth supporting. Nobody is making a sell.

Sure, like I said earlier, people are really quick to talk about all the evils GamerGate probably** did. But as I’ve stressed before, a group that is morally gray is preferable to one that is morally devoid. I see this as a group of flawed humans attacking a bigoted and problematic institution. I want to see this institution burn, and frankly I’ll show respect to whoever is holding the torches. If you have a problem with this, then you have to convince me it isn’t as bad as I think. This is not complicated.

At least, it’s not complicated if your group is actually not that bad  

Applying Agency

This all really comes back to this idea of agency. 

GamerGate, whether you approve or disapprove of its actions, has almost always positioned itself as being a choice. They show a lot of respect for people who weigh both sides, and usually remain confident that evidence will lead neutrals to their side. If someone opposes them, their first tactic is to try to dissuade them with reason. When they sought to emphasize their diversity, their method was opt-in: people wore the “#NotYourShield” tag by choice. These are refreshing design choices.

The opposition, by contrast, has been… less accommodating to the idea of people thinking on their own. I’ve seen neutral parties attacked for even giving GamerGate the time of day, “for the good of women and the minorities!” is constantly thrown around no matter how hard people scream “no! You don’t represent me!”, and there is of course the idea, perpetuated by people like Tarason up at the top of this post, that anyone who opposes them has been indoctrinated and manipulated and is no longer in control of their faculties. 

This feels black-and-white, and that bothers me. It is increasingly difficult to hang onto this belief that there are two sides to this that have legitimate points. Like I keep stressing, I want to be put in a situation where two sides are competing for my allegiance, but only one side is even playing. 

I’m just not sure how to respond to that, other than… keep offering to listen? As usual, I’m here, and even if I don’t reply to all my emails anymore I promise I’m reading and heeding. 

Living With The Irwins (Pt. 1)

Word Count: 1,692

Requested: Nope. Just a little bored

When you’re dad dies you and your mom start struggling financially so she decides the best way to help with the situation is to ship you off with a family who you’ve never met before. The Irwins 

“Why? How could you possibly do this is to me?” I asked my mother with disbelief. My eyes started to burn while the tears were threatening to escape. I looked at her with one last time and she had a look of disapproval on her face.

“You know I do not agree with this.” She said again looking at the ground.

“Then how can you let me go? How can you just abandon me like this?” she flinched at my words as her eyes started to gloss over and her hands started to shake.

“You know, I did not mean for this to happen.  It just seems to be right, I think you can learn from this and you can grow as a human being, it will help you become a better person and it will help you be more mature.” She glanced at me one more time before holding her head up and turning on her heels out of my small room and into the kitchen of our apartment.

I threw my head down and buried it into my pillow as I let my tears fall. My mother had just informed me that I would be moving to a new location within the next day. She did not say where, but the reason why was really obvious.

My father had died earlier in the year in a car accident with a drunk driver. He also had been the way we had gotten our weekly incomes. He was a working father, and my mom stayed home cleaning and making sure everything was in order. But after he had died it was my mother’s responsibility to provide for us. I had offered numerous times to let me get a job and help her but she would not. I couldn’t tell if it was a since of pride or just because she felt like she could handle it on her own. So, instead of trying to figure something out, she decided to ship me off to a “family friend.”

Great.

 I didn’t get her reasoning behind it and was too frustrated and disappointed in her to ask. Even if I did ask all she would be able to say is how great it is for my future and how wonderful I will be when I grow up because of this experience, even though there is really nothing about this that is going to be wonderful.

I fisted the sheets one more time and pushed myself off the bed. With a sigh I started to head toward the kitchen, my mother was not there. She must have left, lately whenever she and I got into an argument she would just leave our tiny apartment. A few hours later she would come back from the store with maybe a gallon of milk or some eggs.

It seemed like mine and my mother’s relationship went downhill, and I couldn’t do anything to save it. She was distant and I was the same, we wouldn’t talk as much as we used to and she wouldn’t ask me any of the questions that annoyed me like “how was school?” or “what grade did you get on your last test?” and sadly I missed them.

I missed my mother and I just wanted her back, the mom I had grown up with would never send me away.

I breathed in and grabbed some grapes from the kitchen popping them into my mouth and turned back into my room to start to pack. I folded all my clothes into the all the suitcases I owned because I did not know how long I would be gone. All I knew was I was going and my mother would not allow otherwise.

“(Y/N) wake up. (Y/N)! Wake up.” My eyelids fluttered open and I saw my mother staring at me. “Come on. We have to get going. Your flight leaves in three hours.” I glanced over at my alarm clock, it was 4:30 in the morning.

Slowly I got up and went to our tiny bathroom. I showered and brushed my teeth before slipping on a sweatshirt and some jeans. I put my hair into a ponytail and brushed my teeth. I glanced around the bathroom trying to see if I was missing something but didn’t find anything.

I walked out of the bathroom and looked at my mother. She didn’t make eye contact with me, she just stared at the ground.

“Okay, let’s go (Y/N).” She said and started to walk out of the apartment. I followed close behind her. “I already put your luggage into the car.” I hummed in response and walked down the two flights of stairs that lead into our apartment.

The car ride was long and silent. Everything was a blur, the expressway passing by so quickly but at the same time so slowly. Then the way she pulled into the airport. It seemed like everything was hazy. I did not find any words to say to her, or any words to express how I was feeling. Words just couldn’t fully justify how my heart was shattering with every step I took moving closer to the flight.

I checked in my bags and they let my mom walk me to the gate where my departure was going to take place. I sat in one of the blue chairs and stared at the pattern of the carpet.

“You know I don’t want you to leave right?” she asked me

“If you don’t want me to leave then why are you making me go?”

“Because…it’s the right thing to do. I know you probably don’t understand it now, but you will when you’re older, and I hope that you will thank me.”

“Okay.”

The rest was silent and slowly the time inched forward, the plane was going to leave soon. I glanced up at my mom, with my eyebrows furrowing.

“You never told me where I was going.” I stated

She glanced up at me and glanced around to all the people. Her eyebrows furrowed too realizing she had not told me.

“You’re going to be going to be living in Australia for a little bit. They are my close friends from collage and were willing to take you in so you need to be respectful. They have three kids. I know one is older then you and the other two I think are younger. They are a very nice family and I expect you to show your respect considering they are doing this for us.”

“Correction, for you. They are doing this for you not for us.”

“Please (Y/N) don’t do this. I don’t want you to go.”

“And yet, I’m still going. How about that?”

“(Y/N)…”

Just then the flight attendant spoke through the speaker “Flight to Australia gate 36B is now boarding.”

“That’s my que.” I said standing up and grabbing my carryon luggage.

“(Y/N), wait”

 “Yes?”

“I love you.”

“Okay, I love you too.” I turned and walked away from her.

The flight seemed to last forever. It was just me and my thoughts and it scared me to think how lost I felt. I was like a lost puppy looking for its owner, even though it knows it was abandoned.  When we finally landed I was the last person out of the plane. I did not want to meet the people I was going to be living with, I just wanted to go back home.

When I exited the airplane I was lost. I was looking for someone I had never met or even seen a picture of. Thanks mom. I sighed and rubbed my hands on my temples.

“(Y/N)?”

“Yeah?”  I asked turning around seeing a woman with blonde hair and blue eyes.

“Hi I’m Anne. You’re going to be staying with us,” the woman said gesturing to the people behind her.

There were three children, one girl and two boys. One of the boys looked around my age while the other two looked younger.

“Hi, I’m (Y/N).” I said smiling at each of them.

“Hi (Y/N), I’m Harry.” Said the younger boy.

“I’m Lauren.” Said the girl.

“And I’m Ashton.” Said the older boy.

“Well best be going, we have a lot to do today.” Said Anne, smiling in my direction. She led us out of the airport and into a car.

We arrived at the Irwin home in 20 minutes, Ashton had offered to help me carry my luggage inside the house and show me around.

“I hope you don’t mind the mess.” Anne had said as I walked into the spotless house. Ashton chuckled behind me and nodded his head toward the staircase.

“This way.” He said and walked up them. I followed him, walking to the end of the long hallway. He turned left into a white room with a bed in the corner.

“This is going to be where you’ll be staying.” He said dropping my bags on my bed.

“Thank you.” I said to him looking around.

“There is a bathroom around the corner, and my room is right across the hall if you need anything.” Ashton said and left the room, closing the door slowly behind him.

I sighed to myself and sat on the bed. The room was plain, nothing covering the walls, no color. Just a normal white room with four walls that could eat me alive.

I sat there in silence for ten minutes, just analyzing everything that had happened to me, when I heard a knock on the door.

“Come in.” I said my voice quiet from my thoughts.

The door creaked open, and Ashton stood inside it.

“I’m having three of my friends over tonight if you would like to hang out you’re more than welcome.” He said smiling at me.

“No thanks. I think I’m just going to stay here for a little bit.”  I said gesturing to the room.

“Oh, well just so you know we would love to have your company.” He said rubbing the back of his neck.

“Okay, well maybe a little later then.” I said to him, he nodded his head and shut the door. 

Part two?

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